FALL
TO EDEN
By
Katherine Padilla
Book
1 of
DOMINION
OVER THE EARTH
Published
by Novaun Novels at
Copyright
© 2003
Katherine
Padilla.
This e-book is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 License. To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.5. This document may be reproduced for personal non-commercial use as long as the text is not altered in any way and the byline and copyright notice are included on every copy.
Fall
to Eden is a work of fiction. The characters and plots are products of the
author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely
coincidental.
CONTENTS
Chapter 1:
MESSIAH OR ANTI-CHRIST?
Chapter 4:
DR. CARROLL'S LITTLE PANTHER
Chapter 5:
THE QUEEN OF DANCE MEETS THE KING OF CLASS
Chapter 6:
THE RELUCTANT BISHOP
Chapter 8:
THE KING OF CLASS ENCHANTS THE QUEEN OF DANCE
Chapter 9:
THE RING AND THE BLESSING
Chapter 11:
A SWEET, SAINTLY GIRL
Chapter 16:
THE FAMILY FROM MARS
Chapter 17:
THE FANATIC AND THE CHARISMATIC INTELLECTUAL
Chapter 19:
THE DEVOTED KNIGHT
Chapter 23:
THE FINAL METERS OF THE RACE
Chapter 25:
PRECARIOUS POSITION
Chapter 28:
A WOLF OR A RABID DOG?
Chapter 32:
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Chapter 34:
ALIVE UNDER THE LIGHT
Chapter 37:
GOVERNOR AND QUEEN
Chapter 38:
RESCUE OF THE BRIGADE
2. GLOSSARY
OF LDS TERMS AND DOCTRINES
3. GLOSSARY
OF FANTASY IDEAS AND TERMS
To Steve, who understands the twists and
turns of his alien wife's brain better than anyone and will know where all of
this wild stuff comes from.
First of all, I'd like to thank my friend
Amy Merrill, who read this novel as I wrote it and happily submitted to my
"price"--filling out pages of detailed questions that helped me
understand what worked and what didn't. She spotted several significant
problems early on, which saved me a great deal of time and made the novel much
better than it would have been otherwise.
I also want to thank my brother, Doug
Hedrick. As a member of a bishopric in Johnson County, Kansas, he was able to
give me an educated speculation on where a temple could be built in the Kansas
City, Kansas area.
I can't neglect to thank my husband Steve,
who dragged me kicking and screaming into the Computer Age. Without his support
and expertise, publishing my work online would not have been an option.
Last, thanks to Cari Clark, my editor and
friend since 1985. Her sharp literary insight helped me hammer this novel into
shape, and her attention to detail aided me in buffing it to a satisfactory
sheen. If my work has any sophistication at all, it's because of her!
This novel is not typical apocalyptic
fiction. It does not attempt to present realistic speculation on the events
leading up to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. I haven't consulted scholarly
documents that analyze the scriptural accounts of the Last Days, nor have I
attempted to dramatize true spiritual experiences of real people. Moreover, I
will declare, once and for all, that the wild stuff that happens in Fall to Eden is just that--wild stuff.
My work may be serious in tone, but it is fantasy. Period.
If you think you would enjoy getting lost
in a world inhabited by a twenty-year-old Mormon bishop, a seductively innocent
empath, a priggish planet-spirit, and an alien emperor who claims to be a
direct descendant of the resurrected Jesus Christ, read on. I've even provided
a glossary containing both Mormon and fantasy terms to make your reading
experience smoother. If, on the other hand, you consider such radical ideas
sacrilegious, this novel is not for you. If you think the great anti-Christ of
the Last Days may really turn out to be an alien, you've probably been reading too much fantasy and need reading
material that is significantly more substantial than my novel. The scriptures
would be a good place to start.
Oh, and one other thing. Please don't quote
from Fall to Eden in church. That
kind of notoriety would destroy my credibility as a faithful, doctrinally
literate mother in Zion. I've worked hard to cultivate that image, and one has
to keep up appearances!
Katherine
Padilla
March
2002
And the Lord called his people ZION, because
they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was
no poor among them.
Moses
7:18
The Pearl of Great Price
And the Lord called his people ZION,
because they expressed themselves equally and received equal education, and
gained equal edification through regular facilitation with a qualified
therapist; and there were no poor or dissatisfied among them because they were
all equally employed.
Thesis
of Psychological Keys to Building Zion
By
Benjamin Carroll, Ph.D.
The Divine One stood near the boardroom
window-wall, an arm folded across His waist and a hand absently stroking His
chin. He seemed oblivious to everything but the severely damaged condition of
so many of the seventy-eight ships that remained in His space fleet.
Admiral of the Fleet Harman Sanzanal halted
for a moment near the polished wood table, unnerved to see his Master so
troubled. In the eighteen years Tohmazz Zarr had held the title of Divine
Emperor, Sanzanal had never seen Him present anything but the calmest and most
confident of exteriors, no matter how bleak the circumstances seemed.
As Sanzanal moved toward the Divine One, He
turned, His luxuriant angel-white curls brushing against the spirit crystals
that embellished his purple cape. His eyes, the icy gray of diamonds, studied
Sanzanal's face, His spirit touching Sanzanal's as He communicated
telepathically. Is our situation as grave
as it appears?
Far worse, Divine One. Only forty-eight
thousand people remain of our Nation. Eleven thousand of those are warriors,
and a mere two hundred and eighty-one comprise the Aristocracy. The Nobility
has dwindled to sixty-two.
Sanzanal could feel the Divine One's spirit
shudder in mortification and indignation. In all three hundred years of exile,
the Holy Nation of the Son of God had never been so desperate. With only
twenty-one warships, defending themselves against the smallest of the rival
fleets might prove fatal. It would be many years, perhaps decades, before the
Holy Nation could initiate an attack. How many more centuries would pass before
they were finally able to annihilate the infidel fleets and restore their
planet to its original glory?
Discerning something of Sanzanal's feelings
in their telepathic exchange, the Divine One communicated with passion, I will secure a planet, and you will have
your warriors, and with the aid of the Father, we will not only conquer the
infidel fleets, but the galaxy as well. Even the Novaunians will bow to the Son
of God incarnate.
Sanzanal thrilled at his Master's
declaration. Tohmazz Zarr was, indeed, the True Seed. What planet have you discovered that will provide me with these new
warriors?
Earth. A savage planet that is waiting for
a Messiah.
*
Sara Alexander tore open her letter and
read eagerly as she jogged past the dogwood tree, its crimson leaves fluttering
in the breeze. She laughed triumphantly as she rounded the corner of the garage
into the backyard.
Sara waved her letter at her parents, who
were sitting together on the wooden swing in a cluster of tall, thin trees.
"Two weeks from Sunday, President Grant will organize the Eden Colony
Ward. Of course we will sustain a bishop and his counselors." She was not
an apostate, and she would get her parents to admit it if it killed her.
Sara's mother grabbed the letter from Sara's
hand, her light brown eyebrows coming together in alarm as she read. Sara
reveled in the glory of being right. "You can't now claim the Church won't
support the colony." She turned away from her parents slightly and caught
the basketball her brother Josh had fired at her, tossing it back and forth
between her fingertips.
Her father studied the letter for a moment
as if taking a mental photograph, then looked up at Sara, his pale blue gaze
delving into her soul in that way it always did, seeming to say, "My big
brain records everything. I've read everything. I know everything. If you don't
do what I suggest, you're an idiot."
"You seem to be ignoring the fine
print, Sara. In this letter, the First Presidency makes it clear that the
Church will not support this new ward and makes a plea to you and all of the
other colonists to remain on Earth."
How could they be so dense? Why in the
galaxy would the Church organize a ward it had no intention of supporting?
"C'mon, Sara, shoot!"
As Sara shot the basketball at the taller
of the two hoops in the backyard, Rebecca and Daniel shot handfuls of black
walnuts. Emily knocked more of the small green orbs out of the tree with the
handle of a broken hoe.
Sara remembered how much she had once
enjoyed climbing the tree and shaking walnuts out of it. She turned to address
her parents again. "We're being discouraged from going, not forbidden, and
certainly not excommunicated. The Church will change its mind when the Brethren
see how successful we are."
"It's unlikely the Brethren will see
anything, since they will be here building Zion, on Earth, where they've told
us all to stay." Her mother's voice was tight and her dark eyes were
fierce, as if she were trying hard not to lose her temper.
Sara could feel her cheeks grow warm.
"But we're going to be building Zion, just as the prophet has counseled!
We're going to start with a virgin world, beautiful and perfect!" Sara
could hear Rebecca behind her, pounding the husks off of the walnuts with a
bat, the bat clicking whenever it hit the nut inside the husk. As the husks
flew, so did shrieks of delight.
Too Cool rubbed her white face against her
father's neck. Her father stroked the cat a little too hard, and she leapt out
of his arms with a screech. His eyes were bright with urgency. "Call me
paranoid, Sara, but it doesn't take a genius to see that the Church and its
allies in the Cooperative Communities are on the verge of withdrawing from Zarr's
influence."
"Our meetinghouses are being sold. We're
moving to temple communities. BYU has closed its doors--"
"Your point?" Her mother's
reference to Brigham Young University annoyed Sara. She had attended classes
there for two years and had run on the women's track team before she and all of
the other out-of-state students had been sent home. Her initial educational
plans had been ruined, and now her parents were trying to talk her out of going
to Eden to study journalism with Barbara Thomassen Carroll, one of the Baltimore Sun's finest columnists. Sara
clenched her teeth and her fists to keep herself in control. She would not let
them get to her.
"If you leave," her father said
quietly, "you may separate yourself from the blessings of the Church for
the rest of your mortal life. You will have a ward organization as long as it
lasts, but you will never have a temple. You have no idea what you would be
throwing away."
Sara shook her head, as if that gesture
would shake away any possibility that she could be moved by the seriousness of
her father's concern. Feeling abnormally hot, she removed her BYU track jacket
and hung it on the limb of a wild cherry tree. "Don't be ridiculous. In a
few years, Earth will have a glorious space fleet and interstellar travel will
be easy and inexpensive. Given the Church's determination to establish its
presence in every country and put a temple in every capital, it will certainly
follow us to Eden. The time will come when even you will want to visit!"
"That is assuming we're willing to
travel in ships built by Tohmazz Zarr," her father said.
"The same Tohmazz Zarr the Brethren
have been telling us to have no contact with for well over three years!"
her mother added, fanning her face with Sara's letter.
Zack climbed on the swing and held a
pulp-covered walnut under his mother's nose, his fingers stained yellow-green.
"Coconut, Mommy."
Her mother instinctively leaned against her
father. "Don't you come near me with that!"
"You know Tohmazz Zarr doesn't build
those ships himself. Holy Nation Technologies does, and most of the employees
are natives of Earth. That's hardly significant contact."
"Don't be stupid, Sara!" her
mother exploded.
"Why are you and Sara fighting,
Mommy?"
Matthew yanked the walnut out of Zack's
hand. "Give me that!"
"Aaron," her father called.
"Come and get Zack. Wipe off his hands and push him in the swing.
Please."
Aaron threw the basketball at Sara. She
caught it and tossed it in the direction of the hoops. "You know it's
impossible to completely avoid contact with them. They're everywhere! Unless
you live in a cave."
Sara had heard Tohmazz Zarr speak when he
had come to Harry Grove Stadium in Frederick more than a year ago, but she wasn't
ready to admit it. The prospect of seeing a real live alien, especially one
believed by his people to be a descendant of the resurrected Jesus Christ, had
been too tantalizing to resist. And the miracles he could do! He healed people
of terrible diseases and deformities and made deserts into gardens. The Delta
Center in Salt Lake City had been full when she heard Zarr speak there the
previous spring. Apparently she wasn't the only member of the Church who was
curious.
"What are we supposed to do? Kill them
all? That would certainly be the Christian thing to do."
"That's a rationalization, Sara, and
you know it."
"It's the truth, Mom, and you know
it!" Sara's heart raced, and her entire being felt as if it were on fire.
She knew that the Spirit was bearing witness to her of the validity of her
words. "They're Christians too!"
"Hardly!" her father gasped.
"Their claims are blasphemous! They worship an anti-Christ! Even
Christians who aren't members of our church recognize it! Antonio Vaccaro, that
Catholic priest from Baltimore, was one of the first to denounce Tohmazz Zarr
as an anti-Christ!"
Her father's outburst gratified Sara. It
wasn't like him. He was usually so placid. She would win her point yet.
"He can hardly be an anti-Christ when millions of former non-Christians
now accept Christ as their Savior!"
"The people to whom you're referring
are not converts of Christ, but converts of Zarr," her father countered.
"And the Guardians of Earth's
Governments is made up of plenty of people who are more believers in the
sovereignty of their nations than in God. Some of them are atheists! So why not
claim that the United States is the 'great and abominable church'? The 'mother
of all harlots'? 'Babylon the great?'"
"Zarr is the enemy, Sara," her
mother said in frustration. "Why can't you get that through your
head?"
"Tohmazz Zarr is no more the enemy
than that priest from Baltimore. Both are serving Christ according to the
dictates of their own consciences."
"Please, Sara. Don't be so
naïve." There was that big brain gaze again. Her father seemed to be
weighing something in his mind.
Her mother gripped his arm as if trying to
restrain him, yet she looked as if she were the one determined to throw Sara to
the ground and lock her in handcuffs. "There may be some Zarrists who are
honorable and sincere, who really are worshiping God in the best way they know
how, but that doesn't change the fact that as a race, they're dangerous to
us."
Finally her father said, his voice grave,
"There are very few people on this planet who understand how dangerous the
Zarrists really are. The Brethren know what they're talking about, Sara. And so
do discerning people like Antonio Vaccaro and even some of those atheists you're
so quick to condemn."
As if her father were one of the few who
did understand how supposedly dangerous the Zarrists were. That was one thing
her father couldn't have learned from all of those books at the Library of
Congress. "The fact still remains that it's impossible to avoid
them."
Her mother's grip on her father's arm
loosened. "Did it ever occur to the leader of your colony to find out why,
if the Zarrists want the planet colonized, they haven't done it themselves? Or
why such a beautiful planet is uninhabited?"
"I'm sure Dr. Carroll has asked all of
those questions. He is an amazing leader."
"Only because he has an 'amazing'
son!" Josh called as the basketball hit the backboard.
Sara would not allow her brother to destroy
her credibility with talk of Cameron Carroll, even if Cameron was on a mission
and wouldn't be joining his family on Eden for at least another two years, when
the first exchange of colonists would take place. Feeling hotter than ever,
Sara slipped her blue hair elastic off of her wrist and twisted her hair into a
messy bun. Refusing to acknowledge her brother's taunt, she said to her
parents, "Even you can't ignore Dr. Carroll's qualifications."
Sara's mother shot her father a meaningful
look and smirked. "Yeah, Psychological
Keys to Building Zion. That's a real winner." She began folding Sara's
letter into a paper airplane.
"It was an excellent book, and so were
all of the others."
Sara's father waved his hand in a
dismissive way. "Psychobabble mixed with scripture." Too Cool jumped
into his lap, trying to regain his attention.
Her mother aimed the airplane letter at the
walnut harvesters. "His books rank right up there with Cain's Sandal Size and Other Vital Gospel Doctrines."
Sara snatched her letter from her mother's
fingertips. Where did she come up with these absurd titles? Did she lie in bed
at night and dream them up? What intellectual stimulation! She couldn't help
but observe that Barbara Thomassen Carroll created real titles for real books
and articles that were read by real people.
"And What I Learned about the New Testament by Sleeping in a Bed Belonging
to the Prophet's Brother," her father added with a nod.
Sara had never been so irritated by her
parents' hobby of dreaming up parodies of book titles. "He has degrees in
both business and organizational psychology, and he and his firm have been
bringing emotional healing, ethics, and cooperative management to organizations
all over the world for years!"
"Hauling in the bucks by working as a
consultant for Holy Nation Technologies, you mean," her mother declared.
"While plenty of others with similar
credentials have refused to do business with the Zarrists, consecrated their
wealth to the Church, and moved into temple communities," her father
added.
"But Dr. Carroll is such a powerful
influence for good. How can you not see that? And he's been a bishop!"
Her father looked at her pointedly.
"Which makes his fall to apostasy all the more tragic."
Sara unfolded her letter and began
smoothing it between her fingers. "You have no idea what you're talking
about! You're not even a high priest. Dr. Carroll's a great man. Even the
Brethren realize it!" Sometimes she wished her father were more like Dr.
Carroll, more polished, more ambitious, more the dynamic spiritual leader.
"Carroll's personal righteousness or
lack of it has nothing to do with why the Church has finally consented to allow
the Eden Colony to be organized into a ward."
"You're wrong. The Church realizes we
are all good members of the Church who want to do our part creating Zion in a
unique way."
"No," her mother said, the swing
creaking as she began to rock, "the Church got tired of Carroll's nagging
and finally decided to give him what he wants."
How could she make them understand?
"Dr. Carroll did not nag. He simply bore witness to the fact that the Lord
wants him to lead this Zion colony on Eden." How could she convince them
that the Lord had called her, too, to be a part of this glorious new colony?
She had known her destiny lay in space for a year at least. "The prophet,
being the awesome spiritual giant he is, recognized the will of the Lord in
this matter and made it happen."
Her mother shook her head. "Joseph
Smith nagged the Lord to let Martin Harris take the first one hundred and
sixteen pages of the Book of Mormon manuscript--"
"What in the galaxy does that have to
do with anything?"
"Everything. You know the story. The
Lord finally agreed, the manuscript was stolen, and the prophet lost the
ability to translate for some time. If we nag the Lord long and loudly enough,
He may just give us what we want."
"I can't believe how ignorant you are.
I'll go to Eden if I have to walk to
the spaceport.
*
Trendaul Alexander hung a handful of shirts
and dresses in the closet. Teri, his wife, set a basket of folded clothes on
the floor. Instead of tossing her earrings into the jewelry box and collapsing
on the bed as she usually did, she carefully removed her earrings and placed
them on an earring tree. Trendaul knew she was upset when she actually began
putting the clothes away.
Trendaul sat down in the light brown swivel
rocker next to the bed and took off his shoes. Worry fogged his mind and
confusion paralyzed him. He didn't know what to do or what to say.
Teri forced two pairs of jeans into an
already stuffed drawer. "I can't believe the Church is actually going to
organize those people into a ward."
Trendaul, too, wondered why the Church
planned to take this unprecedented step. He had not been able to think about
anything else all evening. Perhaps Sara was correct in her opinion that the
Church would eventually follow the colony into space. He couldn't help but
believe, as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise for Sara's sake,
that when the Eden Colony left Earth, they would be separating themselves from
Zion forever. "It does complicate matters."
Teri removed the red claw clip from her
hair, the ringlets falling to her shoulders. Her hair color had never been
"dirty blond" to Trendaul as it was to his children. In the soft
light of their bedroom, her hair looked like gold, and it always moved,
mesmerizing him. Teri combed through her hair with her fingers and shook her
head. "She wouldn't go without a ward."
Sara's ability to believe she was a devout
member of the Church while accepting Zarr's propaganda sickened Trendaul.
"I'm not so sure anymore." He held his arm out to his wife, hoping
she would come to him.
Teri took his hand and allowed him to draw
her into his lap. "Then you're more convinced than ever that Zarr has a
telepathic hold on her mind."
"Yes," he whispered, laying his
head against her neck. How could he, of all people, have allowed this monster
to violate his own daughter?
"You're certain she can fight
it?" She didn't sound certain. Trendaul was relieved he could give her
hope on that level at least.
"Absolutely. She just doesn't want
to." Trendaul couldn't understand why Sara didn't want to fight the bond.
What was it about Eden that so enamored her? Or was it Benjamin and Barbara
Carroll and their accomplished, beautiful family she was in love with?
Teri stroked Trendaul's hair, ever so
gently, almost tentatively. "Perhaps it's time to give her a reason to
want to."
Trendaul knew what it had cost Teri to say
those words. She couldn't help but be afraid for him and for their family. He
looked up and gazed into those brown eyes that had always been so exotic and
yet so familiar. "You didn't want me to 'give her a reason to want to'
this afternoon."
"Of course I didn't. The thought of it
scares me to death."
It terrified Trendaul. In her present state
of mind, Sara might tell anyone. "I shouldn't tell her anything. I still
have a mission to finish."
Teri reached for the dresser and a tissue
to blow her nose. "A mission you may never be able to finish anyway."
Panic gripped Trendaul. "Don't say
that." What had happened to his compatriots? Why hadn't anyone contacted
him? If he relocated, they might not have time to find him and seven years'
worth of work would be lost. Even so, he dared not wait longer than the end of
the year to move his family to a temple community, either the one surrounding
the Washington, D.C. Temple or the one supporting the new temple in Olathe,
Kansas, where his wife's family resided.
Trendaul knew it was only a matter of time
before the countries of the Earth united to form the Federation of Earth
Nations, with Zarr's Holy Nation of the Son of God as the presiding nation.
Most Earthons believed that submitting to the leadership of this benevolent
alien nation, whose knowledge and experience was so much greater than theirs,
would enable their planet to take its rightful position in the interstellar
community in the least amount of time, gaining them unimaginable wealth,
influence, and new technology.
Once the United States became the first
nation to give up its sovereignty to join Zarr's
empire-disguised-as-an-innocuous-federation, all of those who shunned the
Zarrists would be in danger of being labeled as traitors and be
killed . . . or worse. Trendaul wanted to be safe inside a
temple community long before that happened.
Teri slid off of Trendaul's lap. "If
you don't tell Sara about her heritage and she goes to Eden, we'll both regret
it forever."
Trendaul knew Teri was right. "Are you
sure? Are you absolutely sure you want me to do this?"
"We have no other choice."
"Oh, I can think of a great many
choices."
Teri headed toward the bathroom. "Go
now, before I change my mind."
"She's probably asleep."
Teri spun around to face him again, her
fists on her hips. "Go! Or I'll tell her myself!"
Trendaul sat at the top of the steps with
his head in his hand at least five minutes before he gained the courage to
knock on Sara's bedroom door. "Please, Father," he said under his
breath, closing his eyes for an extra moment when he blinked. "Help
me."
The door opened slightly, and Sara peered
out with a scowl. "If you're here to reprimand me for going to Eden, I'm
not interested."
This was going to be a long night, and
seminary class would come all too early in the morning. "It isn't
that." He tried to add, "Not exactly," but his voice froze.
Sara had inherited his straight black hair
and his family's height, but her eyes, the velvety blue of morning glories, had
come from Krista. Sara's features, smooth and lively like those of a little
girl, softened into an expression so like Krista's that Trendaul's apprehension
melted. He could hear Sara's finger scratching the back of the door. "Then
what?"
Teri was right. He had to tell her. Krista
would have told her. "I have something . . .
critical . . . to tell you."
The door squeaked as Sara widened it. She
wore nylon shorts and a Kansas City Royals T-shirt sent by her grandparents
with the sleeves cut off and the crew collar cut out. Trendaul couldn't refrain
from laughing. Sara was such an Orioles fan that to wear the shirt at all, even
to bed, probably made her feel like a traitor.
Sara rolled her eyes and threw up her arms.
"Stop laughing at my shirt!" She turned and walked to her bed.
Trendaul followed her into the room,
closing the door behind him. He sat down on her bed, glancing at the art
posters attached to the walls. Krista had chosen the first few posters, and
Sara added new ones to the collection every time she visited an area art gallery.
Such a visible reminder of Krista gave him strength.
Sara slid under her quilt, which Teri had
constructed long ago from the fabric of old jeans, and pulled it to her chin.
Thankfully she was smiling. Trendaul knew that if he didn't tell her now, he
never would. "Do you remember how Josh, when he was about ten, used to
claim that he had been adopted? That he was really from Mars?"
Sara chuckled. "How could I forget
something so endearingly silly?"
"It was endearingly silly. And it was
also relatively close to being true." He couldn't count how often he and
Teri had laughed at the irony.
Sara became very still. "You mean he
really was adopted? Does that mean that I--"
"No. Neither one of you were adopted.
But Josh was right about one point." Trendaul hoped the tone of his voice
wasn't too mischievous. "His father is an alien."
Sara burst out laughing. Trendaul laughed
too. He couldn't have delivered that line in a serious tone if someone had held
a laser to his back. It really did sound ridiculous.
"I guess now I have an excuse not to
listen to you," Sara teased. "I wouldn't want to go against the
counsel of the prophet."
As if she needed an excuse! "The
prophet has only told us not to have contact with Zarr and his people. He's
never said anything about Novaunians."
"Zarrists . . .
Novaunians . . . what's the difference?"
All desire for lightheartedness fled.
"The primary difference is that Novaunians worship Christ. The Zarrists
worship an anti-Christ."
Sara stared at him in astonishment.
"You're serious, aren't you."
"I'm afraid so."
"Does Mom know?"
"Yes, of course. I told her long
before we were married. Your grandparents know too."
Sara's gaze found its way to the
reproduction of "Young Mother Sewing," by Mary Cassatt. "And my
real mother?"
"She was a Novaunian also."
Sara looked away, attempting to absorb this
new information.
"Coming to Earth, in fact, was your
mother's idea." Trendaul decided to leave it at that. Sara would ask the
questions she wanted answered.
Finally Sara's gaze met his. "Then I
have no Earth blood at all running through my veins."
"None whatsoever."
"Why did you wait so long to tell
me?"
Trendaul detected strain in her voice. Was
she angry? Betrayed? Or simply curious? "Because I couldn't take the
chance that you might inadvertently tell someone."
"Which means you're in a certain
amount of danger."
Trendaul had longed for years to live as a
Novaunian openly. "I'm in a considerable amount of danger. If Tohmazz Zarr
finds out who I am, he'll kill me."
"Oh, that's ridiculous! He's no
murderer!"
"All right. He's no murderer. He would
try to 'cleanse' my mind the way he has 'cleansed' the minds of so many of the
world's criminals. Zarr's 'cleansing' is nothing less than telepathic slavery.
Since I will never allow Zarr or anyone else to break my mind, I would probably
die resisting. Either way, I'm a dead man."
Sara relaxed against the back of the bed
and folded her arms. "Are your people at war, then, with Zarr's
people?"
"Yes, in a manner of speaking. Our
people are at war with the Zarrists and the many other Diron nations the way
the early Americans were at war with pirates on the open seas." Or at
least he believed they were still at war. A lot could have changed in twenty
years. He had no doubt, though, that Zarr and his people were Dirons.
Sara's eyes shone with fascination.
"So what do they supposedly steal?"
"Arelada. The Dirons call it spirit
crystal."
"It's that strange, slightly luminous
crystal they all wear in their clothing and jewelry, isn't it? Why is it so
valuable?"
"It makes telepathy possible. With
telepathy, Zarr is able to create mind bonds with people who hear him
speak."
Sara frowned. "What do you mean?"
Trendaul tried to keep his explanation
simple. "When Zarr speaks, he uses a telepathic process to expand his
spirit to embrace all who are listening. It makes the listeners feel wonderful,
as if they're communicating with God. Through this process, Zarr telepathically
gains control of one brain cell. With this bond, the listener then becomes
vulnerable to Zarr's telepathic suggestions."
Sara shook her head quickly. "But that
doesn't make any sense! If arelada is required for telepathic communication,
how can Zarr mind-bond with people like me who don't have arelada?"
"Arelada is required to transmit
thoughts and to expand one's spirit. To receive thoughts, however, all a person
has to do is open his mind."
"Have you heard Zarr speak?"
Trendaul could hear the accusation in her
voice. "No, I haven't." He could have listened to Tohmazz Zarr speak
without being affected, and he would have gained much useful information for
Novaun by attending a speech, but he refused to live a double standard with his
children. "The process I described is an old one and illegal on most
planets." The old Latanzan monarchy had been overthrown many centuries ago
for using it on its citizens, and there had been a time, over a thousand years
ago, when Gudynean parents had used it to keep their children obedient.
"So what makes you think Zarr uses
it?"
"Because it's the only thing I can
think of that explains why he has gained such an enormous following among such
diverse people in such a short period of time."
"Well, he has not used it on me!"
"You did hear him speak,"
Trendaul said gingerly. If he made her angry now, he might never regain her
attention. "Your mother found the base ship key ring."
"All right. I have heard him speak.
Who hasn't? He doesn't control my mind."
Trendaul shook his head. Too quickly,
perhaps. He wanted too much to pacify her. "No, of course he doesn't. You're
no eslavu who has had her mind drained. If he has created a telepathic bond
with you, he has certainly gained significant influence over you, but he can't
force you to do anything. You can fight it."
"You think he has, don't you? That's
why you're telling me all of this stuff now." The pitch of Sara's voice
rose and the color of her cheeks changed from milk-white to pink. "You
think you can use this new information to persuade me to stay home. How dare
you!"
"Listen to yourself, Sara!" She
would hear the truth before she ordered him out of her room. "I tell you
that both you and I are of Novaunian race, and instead of asking me why I came
to Earth or what kind of planet Novaun is, the only topic you want to discuss
is Tohmazz Zarr. What am I supposed to think?"
"Why did you come to Earth?" Sara
demanded, as if embarking on an interrogation.
Trendaul didn't like Sara's tone, but he
wanted her to know something of himself and Novaun. "To telepathically
record Earth's most significant records. My job was to record the obscure
material. Your mother recorded documents from the local libraries and the
Internet."
He could see that his explanation made
sense to her. She and the other children, along with almost everyone else he
knew, had always believed he was an employee of the Library of Congress. She
rolled her eyes. "Which explains why you always think you know so
much."
Trendaul chose to ignore that statement.
"On Novaun, people with my particular telepathic skills are called
librarians. Your real mother was a librarian also. We studied together."
"Will you ever go back to
Novaun?"
"I don't know."
"Why don't you know?"
"I haven't had contact with another
Novaunian for many years."
"Can't you just send thought waves to
Novaun and tell them you want to go home?"
Trendaul shook his head. "It would take
many people to transmit a message over that distance and far more arelada than
I possess."
The interrogation act disappeared for a
moment. Sara leaned toward him, her eyes widening. "You actually have some
arelada? May I see it?"
Trendaul again shook his head. "I put
it in a safe box when the Zarrists arrived."
She smirked. "Did Novaun forget about
you?"
Trendaul was determined not to let her
provoke him. "Not likely."
"Then why doesn't someone come and
offer you a ride home?"
"The presence of Tohmazz Zarr's fleet
in Earth's space territory makes that more difficult." Still, it wouldn't
be impossible. What was keeping his compatriots?
"Why did Novaun send you here
secretly? Why didn't the Novaunians make public contact with Earth twenty years
ago?"
"Since Earth is on the verge of
passing into terrestrial glory, Novaun doesn't see a need to ever have dealings
with it in any kind of official way."
After living on Earth for twenty years,
Trendaul believed Novaun's policy was naïve. A race that preferred to stroll
along the scenic route to the grocery store could not possibly understand a
race that sprinted to the exotic unknown at light speed. Earth would make its
mark in space before God took it back into His presence, like an explosion in
the night sky on the Fourth of July. And if a significant number of natives
became proficient in telepathy, Earth would become especially volatile.
Trendaul could only pray that the Novaunian government realized Earth's
potential as a destructive force before too many good Fleet men lost their
lives.
"Novaunians know the prophecies?"
Sara asked in surprise.
"Yes, of course. The Council of
Prophets canonized the Standard Works of the Church several decades ago. The
New Testament, in particular, is precious to us."
"So Novaunians believe that the Savior
visited them after His resurrection in the same way He visited the Nephites on
the American Continent."
"Yes, but He didn't take a Novaunian bride and with His perfect, glorified body
father a dynasty of so-called divine emperors!" Trendaul shuddered at the
thought. Tohmazz Zarr's claim was as disgusting as it was preposterous, and he
couldn't blame the Dirons for throwing the Zarrists out of power.
"I know the Zarrists have their
faults, but you'll have to admit, they are fascinating. And they have a lot to
offer."
"They offer telepathic slavery. Is
that what you want?"
"Zarr and his people have been here
for more than three years. If they really are so dangerous, why hasn't Novaun
changed its policy about official contact and warned us?"
Why was she so determined to discredit
Novaun? Was that the mind bond as well? "The Brethren, along with
perceptive people of other belief systems, have been warning us about Zarr ever
since he arrived. If Earthons refuse to listen to the prophet and other leaders
in their respective communities, why should they listen to the
Novaunians?"
"Why didn't Novaun stop Zarr and his
people from making contact?"
"I doubt Novaun even knew Zarr made
contact until well after it happened."
"Couldn't Novaun have stationed a
fleet here to guard us?"
"Even Novaun has a limit to its
resources."
"Doesn't Novaun care that this
supposedly evil anti-Christ is taking advantage of a planet too primitive to
fight back?"
"Novaunians do what they can to help
other races, but they can't be everywhere all the time and they don't even try.
They do take comfort in the knowledge that God will warn His other children of
danger in the ways best suited to them. They assume Earthons are smart enough
to listen to those warnings." Trendaul knew Sara would take his statement
as a personal attack, but it was the truth.
Sara glared at him. "Obviously, Novaun
cares quite a bit less about Earth than Zarr's Holy Nation does. Novaun only
observes, while Zarr and his people work hard to help us into space."
"Zarr's motives are far from
altruistic, I assure you."
"And Novaun's motives seem even less
altruistic."
Trendaul winced to hear Novaun so
ignorantly attacked. "How can I make you understand? Novaun is a great
Union of over two thousand planets. It's Zion on a galactic level. Novaun isn't
perfect, but it's achieved a level of righteousness as a society beyond
anything you've ever dreamed of."
"Then you're even more of a hypocrite
than I thought you were."
What bitter irony! The information Trendaul
had hoped would change Sara's mind was making her more determined than ever. He
mentally chastised himself for not anticipating that twist.
"You've been telling me for months
that I shouldn't go to Eden, and now I find out that you left your home
planet--not just any planet, but a Zion planet--when you were about my age and
haven't been back since."
"I did not leave Novaun against the
counsel of the High Prophet." The argument always seemed to come back to
that.
"But you did leave your family,
perhaps for the rest of your mortal life. How could you do that?"
"My mission here was only supposed to
last ten years. When the convoy came back to Earth ten years ago, your mother
wasn't ready to leave her family yet. To be honest, I wasn't ready to leave
either. I'm still not sure I want to return to Novaun." As much as he
missed his family, he wasn't sure he could give up his freedom, or the temple,
or the feeling that Earth needed him far more than Novaun did.
"Why not?"
A true answer to that question would have
taken all night, so Trendaul gave his daughter the shortened version. "I
like working in the temple too much."
"There aren't any temples on
Novaun?"
"On the contrary. Our houses of
worship are large and individually designed, and there are sacred rooms in
every one of them to do the higher ordinances. Novaunians do live ordinances,
but there is no work to do for the dead. It's all been done."
"No way!"
Trendaul nodded. "It's true."
"If Novaun is so righteous, why hasn't
it been taken into heaven like the City of Enoch?"
"It will help you to think of the most
misquoted scripture in the Church."
"'Unto whom much is given much is
required?'"
Trendaul nodded. "Novaun has been
given some interesting blessings that haven't been given to Earth. Obviously
Novaunians haven't, as a race, done everything that is required of them
yet."
"What interesting blessings?"
"First of all, while still in our
premortal state, we didn't have a War in Heaven. We had a Great Debate. While
one out of three spirits assigned to be born on Earth were cast out of Heaven
with Lucifer, only one out of a hundred spirits assigned to be born on Novaun
were cast out with the spirit we call Perdition."
Sara opened her mouth to respond but couldn't;
she was completely speechless.
"Adam and Eve were commanded to
multiply and replenish the earth. Novaun's first parents were commanded to
multiply and replenish the galaxy."
Sara finally found her voice. "That's
bizarre!"
Trendaul smiled. "You see, I really am
an alien."
"If I really am a Novaunian spirit,
doesn't that mean my desire to help colonize another planet is natural and
right?"
She was too quick, and Trendaul immediately
wished he hadn't told her about Novaun's first parents. Then again, perhaps if
he had revealed their Novaunian heritage long ago, he would have satisfied her
innate curiosity and she wouldn't have felt a need to seek out Tohmazz Zarr.
"Your desire is natural, I'll concede that, but the way you're going about
satisfying that desire is wrong."
"In your opinion."
"No. In the Lord's opinion."
"You are not the Lord!"
"No, but the prophet speaks for the
Lord, and he has told us all to remain on Earth."
"If he feels so strongly about it, why
is he going to organize us into a ward?"
"In my opinion, the Church is organizing the Eden Colony into a ward instead
of excommunicating its leaders because it wants to give those who go to Eden a
chance to repent. Once Eden is cut off from Zion, repentance will be difficult,
if not impossible without the official presence of the Church. I can only
assume the Church believes most of the colonists will follow Carroll to Eden
even if he is excommunicated."
"That's an interesting theory. And
very presumptuous."
Her smugness and stupidity hurt him. How
could this be his sweet little Sara? "The bishop won't be Benjamin Carroll
or any of his cohorts," Trendaul said wryly, "but will be a man who
is a true spiritual giant in every sense of the word. He'll have to be."
How the Church hoped to find such a man among the colonists, Trendaul had no
idea.
Trendaul stood to leave. "I know my
opinion doesn't matter much to you, but there it is." She only wanted to
argue, and he was sick of it.
Sara's face blanched and tightened, as if
she wanted to scream. She stared at him with wide, glistening eyes, then
lowered her head and rested her hand against her forehead.
"Goodnight," Trendaul said coolly
as he turned and headed toward the door. Expecting her to respond with a
disrespectful remark, he was surprised instead to hear a restrained little
gasp. He turned toward her again and asked quietly, "What's the
matter?"
She shook her head quickly, refusing to
answer.
Trendaul couldn't help but feel irritated.
It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to respond calmly, "I'd
really like to know."
When Sara lifted her head, Trendaul could
see that her eyes were filled with tears. "Your opinion does matter to
me."
Sara's reply didn't make sense, but
Trendaul knew it was sincere. He gazed at her blankly, trying to understand.
She averted her eyes in embarrassment.
Several moments passed before he could
reconcile Sara's concern about his opinion with her determination to go to Eden
against his wishes. He came to the conclusion that Sara's decision to go to
Eden had been final for many months. The arguments since then had done nothing
to persuade her to change her mind, but they had chipped away at the security
she had always felt in his love.
The decision took hold of him with such
immediacy that he didn't have time to feel frightened. "I understand why
you want to go to Eden." She looked up at him again cautiously as he
continued, "I think you're wrong to go, but if it means anything to you, I
believe your spiritual state is more one of confusion than apostasy, at least
for now."
Sara's eyebrows shot up. "Is that
supposed to make me feel better?"
"I guess that's up to you. I can't in
any way approve of what you're doing, but I won't fight you anymore." It
would be difficult, but she would leave knowing he loved her.
Sara's face softened in shock.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. I can't speak for your
mother, but I will talk to her."
Sara almost smiled. "It won't do any
good."
"Perhaps she'll surprise you."
Trendaul rested his hand on the doorknob. Before he could open the door to
leave, he heard Sara speak again, her tone of voice tentative.
"Dad?"
Trendaul turned toward her one more time.
"Yes?"
Her face was pale and her eyes were
troubled. "If I weren't going to Eden, and you were going back to Novaun,
what would I do?"
"I would hope with my whole soul that
you would come with me."
"And if I decided to stay here?"
"I would be heartbroken. And
yet . . ." Trendaul shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about
you. Not very much, anyway. You would have David and the rest of your mother's
family to watch out for you."
Sara picked at her quilt. Many moments
passed before she asked, "What would someone like me do on Novaun?"
Hope trickled through Trendaul. She was
asking questions. She was interested in Novaun. Maybe there was a chance, after
all, that she would give up her Eden quest. "If we were to return to
Novaun, our first priority would be education, not just yours but that of your
mother and your brothers and sisters as well. We would also, undoubtedly, spend
a lot of time with my family. My mother, in fact, (and my aunts, and my
sisters!) would probably want to introduce you to lots of people your own
age." Trendaul smiled, but not too broadly. He didn't want to anger her
again. "There would be young men galore. A virtual feast."
Trendaul hoped Sara would laugh, but she
cringed instead, as if the suggestion pained her. "A feast of Novaunian
men . . . that sounds absurd."
Trendaul chuckled a little, nodding.
"The women in my family wouldn't be able to help themselves, you
understand. Most young women there are married by the time they're your
age."
Her eyes grew huge. "Really?"
"Your mother and I were married when
we were twenty, and we weren't completely typical. We had known each other all
our lives and could have easily been married a year or two sooner."
"Why weren't you?"
Trendaul shrugged. "We were
idiots."
Sara finally laughed. "You mean you
couldn't make up your mind!"
Trendaul nodded, feeling a sense of peace
he hadn't felt in months. "We were so comfortable together we didn't
realize how much we loved each other."
"You really were an idiot!"
Trendaul nodded again and decided to make
his exit quickly, while Sara was in a pleasant mood. "Goodnight, sweetie.
I love you."
Sara couldn't stop laughing. "I love
you too, Dad."
*
"What happened?" Teri demanded as
soon as Trendaul closed their bedroom door behind him.
"She's going to Eden, or at least she's
planning to go to Eden. I think there's
still a chance she may change her mind, but we have to stop pressuring her. I
promised her I wouldn't make any more attempts to persuade her to stay. I told
her I would ask you to do the same."
"You can't be serious. How could she
still believe she should go after everything you told her?"
"I actually made it worse. She now
believes she's following in my footsteps."
"But your coming to Earth wasn't the
same at all."
"It was the same, in some ways."
"Not in the important ways."
"No, but she won't see that. Teri, we
can't let her leave thinking we hate her. We both have to make a determined
effort to be kind to her."
"Be kind to her? I'd like to strangle
her!"
"I know it will be difficult, but we
have to do everything in our power to make her last week-and-a-half here as
pleasant as possible."
"So you're going to let her go. Just
like that. Have you lost your--?" Teri stopped herself and regarded him
with interest. "So you made this decision. Just like that."
Of course she was as intrigued as Sara had
been amused only minutes before. Both Teri and Sara knew that he never made a
decision without agonizing over it for weeks or even months. "It seemed
like the right thing to do at the time."
"Is it the right thing to do or isn't
it?"
"It is."
Teri smiled at him with renewed respect.
"Then I'll support you in it."
Teri's trust had always amazed Trendaul.
Love surged through him and he drew her into his arms. As she pressed closer,
caressing his jaw with her lips, he whispered, "I'm going to regret my
decision."
"You always do."
While Sara was at work at the health club
the next day, her bishop called and told her he wanted to meet with her that
evening in his office. She went, of course, as she had often in the past
several months, but she knew it would be a waste of both her time and the
bishop's. Bishop Eric Lanham was a good man who was trying to do the right
thing, but he just didn't understand. The two of them simply weren't on the same
planet.
During their first interview, while she was
in the process of interviewing with Dr. Carroll and other key people, Bishop
Lanham had read one of the prophet's recent talks with her and asked, "Do
you believe the prophet speaks for the Lord?"
"Yes, I do. He gives us general advice from the Lord that we must
adapt to our individual situations by going to the Lord ourselves."
"Our prophet and apostles have warned
us repeatedly not to have contact with the Zarrists. Don't you think it would
be safer to follow this counsel than not?"
"Of course the Lord, through the
Brethren, counsels this. Zarr claims to be Divine, a direct descendant of the
resurrected Christ. Most members simply can't handle that kind of attack on
their testimonies. I know Zarr's claims are preposterous. For those of us who
are strong enough to handle it, there is no danger."
"Which is why you are now a supporter
of Zarr."
"You are mistaken. I don't support
Zarr. But I do understand that he poses no danger and am not afraid of
him."
"What if he really is dangerous? Then
wouldn't your lack of fear be misguided?"
"Absolutely."
"He is dangerous, Sara. The Lord has
said it Himself through His prophet. I know this is true. True for me, true for
you, true for everyone."
The last time Sara had talked with Bishop
Lanham, he had presented her with an absurd situation. "You are engaged
and feel very strongly that you should be intimate with your fiancé before you
marry him. Would this strong feeling be from God?"
"Of course not!"
"Why not?"
"Because sex without marriage is
wrong."
"Even if the Lord reveals to you that,
in this case, since you will be getting married anyway, it's all right?"
"The Lord wouldn't tell anyone
that."
"Why?"
"Because it's never right."
"How do you know?"
"The scriptures say so. The prophets
have said so. Common sense says so."
"Then where does this intense feeling
come from?"
"A person who thinks she should be
intimate with her fiancé before she marries him would be mistaking her own
intense desire for intimacy for the Spirit."
"So what the prophet has said about
sex transcends any strong personal desires or drives we may have?"
"Yes. Absolutely."
"But what he says about avoiding
contact with the Zarrists and remaining on Earth to build up Zion does
not?"
"No, because there is nothing
inherently wrong with colonizing space."
"There's nothing inherently wrong with
sex either, but the Lord does set some basic boundaries for its practice, just
as He has set boundaries for space colonization."
The bishop was comparing space colonization
with sex? Now Sara had heard everything! "I can't believe we're having
this discussion."
"Do you understand the comparison or
don't you?"
"Yes. Yes, of course."
"Isn't it possible, Sara, that you're
mistaking your own strong desire to go to Eden as inspiration?"
No. She and Bishop Lanham were not on the
same planet. They weren't even in the same solar system!
For some odd reason, both of Sara's parents
always insisted on being with her at the stake center when she had an interview
with Bishop Lanham. They rarely exchanged more than a few words with the bishop
before and after these meetings; they merely sat in the foyer and waited.
This evening was no different. Bishop
Lanham, an attorney in his early thirties, stepped into the foyer, dressed in a
gray pinstriped suit, his teal tie lying neatly against his starched shirt. He
shook hands with Sara and her parents and motioned her into his office.
"I have something interesting to share
with you, Sara," he said pleasantly as he closed the door behind them.
Sara moved a chair closer to the desk and
sat down. "What? Have you looked into your crystal ball and seen Parkridge's
victory against Urbana tomorrow night?" She knew as well as he did that
Urbana was supposed to win the football game, but she couldn't resist teasing
him.
Bishop Lanham sat down behind his desk.
"The Panthers will be Hawk food!"
"I understand the Hawks got a taste of
Owl last week."
"The Hawks feasted on Owl last week," the bishop corrected. "Those
Westminster boys didn't have a chance. Will Josh be conducting the band
tomorrow night?"
"Who else?"
"We'll definitely have to drive over
for the game then." Bishop Lanham removed a sheet of paper from his desk
and handed it to Sara.
She took it from him in curiosity, seeing
immediately that it was a letter from the First Presidency, a longer letter
than she had received in the mail the day before. "Is this why you wanted
to see me tonight?"
"It is. I've been instructed to read
and discuss this letter with you."
"The Eden Colony is getting a ward,
you know," Sara announced, feeling vindicated.
"I know, but it doesn't matter. Let's
have a prayer, and then I'll read and you follow along."
The letter started by reiterating the
prophet's counsel to shun contact with the Zarrists, remain on Earth, and
gather to temple communities under the direction of their respective bishops
and stake presidents.
As Bishop Lanham read, Sara couldn't help
but believe that members of the Church would actually be more independent from
the Zarrists on Eden. The colonists were obviously following the prophet's
counsel in that regard.
"In Doctrine and Covenants section
101, verses 20 and 22 it says: 'And, behold, there is none other place
appointed than that which I have appointed; neither shall there be any other
place appointed than that which I have appointed, for the work of the gathering
of my saints--
'Behold, it is my will, that all they who
call on my name, and worship me according to mine everlasting gospel, should
gather together, and stand in holy places;'"
Sara wanted to shout: "But we are
gathering, to the most beautiful, holy place we know of!" Didn't the fact
that the Lord was organizing a ward there prove it was an official gathering
place of some kind?
The bishop went on: "The planet called
Eden has not been designated by the Lord as a gathering place and is,
therefore, not entitled to the blessings of Zion."
What blessings? Sara wondered. Protection?
Surely the Lord wouldn't abandon them. They were, after all, doing the best
they could to serve him.
"The Lord proclaims in D&C 1:14: 'And
the arm of the Lord shall be revealed; and the day cometh that they who will
not hear the voice of the Lord, neither the voice of his servants, neither give
heed to the words of the prophets and apostles, shall be cut off from among the
people;'"
Sara knew, without a doubt, that the
colonists had every intention of following the prophet and apostles, or would,
as long as the prophet didn't abandon them! Was it possible the prophet had
misunderstood Dr. Carroll's vision? Evidently the Lord hadn't, otherwise He
wouldn't have directed the prophet to organize the colonists into a ward!
Bishop Lanham concluded reading the letter.
"We fear that if you follow through with your plan to establish a colony
on Eden, you will be putting yourselves in danger, both physically and
spiritually. The Lord needs every one of you to do your part to build Zion here
on Earth. We urge you to give up your imprudent quest for a colony on Eden.
"Your brethren of the First
Presidency."
Sara set her copy of the letter on Bishop
Lanham's desk. The letter, from a certain perspective, did counsel the
colonists to remain on Earth. The Spirit, however, had strongly manifested to
her that her life's mission lay on Eden. Sara concluded that the Lord had plans
for Eden He hadn't yet revealed to the prophet.
Bishop Lanham looked solemnly up from his
copy of the letter. "What are you thinking about right now, Sara?"
"I'm wondering why the prophet would
counsel so strongly against going to Eden and yet still organize the colony
into a ward."
"Let me ask you this. Does the Lord
approve of divorce?"
"Sometimes."
"As a general principle."
"No. The New Testament teaches that
clearly enough, and we do believe in eternal marriage."
"So you and I both agree the Lord
would prefer all married couples to live their lives together in such a way
that they would never want to divorce."
Sara nodded thoughtfully.
"If this is the case, why does the
Lord allow the Church to recognize divorce?"
"Because we live in such an imperfect
world and sometimes divorce, as bad as it is, is better than the
alternative."
"It's my opinion that the prophet is
organizing the Eden Colony Ward because such an action is better than the
alternative."
"Which would be excommunicating Dr.
Carroll and allowing the colony to fend for itself?" Sara understood what
the bishop was driving at, but going to Eden to create Zion was hardly the same
as getting a divorce.
"Would you follow Dr. Carroll to Eden
if he were excommunicated?"
Dr. Carroll had put all of his professional
and spiritual expertise into planning the Eden community, his whole heart and
soul, and for this he would be excommunicated? The mere thought of it enraged
Sara. "This is hardly an issue since Dr. Carroll has not been excommunicated!"
"How do you know?"
Sara clenched her fists on the desk in
front of her. "The Church does not
excommunicate righteous men!"
"It isn't my intention to make you
angry, Sara," Bishop Lanham said gently, leaning toward her a little.
"But I do want you to understand that the Church might have taken action
against Dr. Carroll that you wouldn't know about."
"I can't help it. I am angry." Feeling guilty for being
angry with her bishop, a leader she had been taught her whole life to support
and respect, Sara forced herself to breathe deeply and relax her muscles,
regaining some of her composure. "I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help
me, but you just don't understand."
"Perhaps it would help if I explain
the Church's policy regarding people who have contact with Tohmazz Zarr."
"Yes," Sara replied, her anger
dissipating. "I would like to know the official policy and how it applies
to Dr. Carroll and the Eden Colony."
"You already know that few, if any,
members who have contact with Zarr and his people are excommunicated or even
disfellowshipped, even those who are vocal supporters such as Dr. Carroll and
his wife. What you may not know, however, is that as stakes are dissolved, the
records of those who have not consecrated their wealth and moved into a temple
community are sent to Salt Lake. These people may choose to attend services in
a temple community, but they are not official members of a ward and will not
have callings or be actively fellowshipped."
What the bishop described made sense.
"So a person who doesn't choose to join a temple community basically cuts
himself off from the Church, not the other way around."
"Precisely. As far as I know, the only
exception to this is when a person is in a situation such as your uncle at the
Naval Academy."
Sara nodded that she understood. David had
no choice but to live on campus. The Annapolis Stake had been dissolved the
previous June, and he and the other LDS midshipmen were assigned to a singles
ward in the Silver Spring Stake, the easternmost stake in the Washington, D.C.
Temple Community.
"Until our stake is dissolved, I, as a
bishop, have been instructed to work with members who are sympathetic to Zarr's
cause to persuade them to see their error. One of the first steps we're taking
with those who are less active, of course, is encouraging them to attend
church. As for those who are active, I'm counseled to release them from
leadership positions and deny them temple recommends and impose other types of
probation."
"You're suggesting Dr. Carroll may not
have a current temple recommend? That's absurd!"
"I don't know what Dr. Carroll's
status is. I'm not his bishop or his stake president. That's my point. I don't
know and neither do you. Frankly, you can't assume that even a bishop always
knows a ward member's worthiness; people have been known to lie to their
bishops about all kinds of things."
"Really?" Sara said, stunned.
"Why? I mean, what's the point of being a member of the Church if you're
going to lie?"
"There are people who are more worried
about appearing righteous than being righteous. You cannot assume a person is
following a correct course just because he or she acts like an active member of
the Church, nor can you assume the same if you haven't heard a public
announcement that he or she has been excommunicated. The Church isn't going to
excommunicate every person who may preach false doctrine to you or who would
lead you down a wrong path. Ultimately, the Lord expects you to be spiritually
discerning and take responsibility for recognizing and rejecting false doctrine
and those who preach it on your own."
Sara stared absently over Bishop Lanham's
shoulder at the picture of Jesus Christ, twisting one of the buttons on her long
black skirt. Lying to the bishop was like lying to the Lord. Did active members
of the Church really do that? Some must. Bishop Lanham wouldn't tell her
something like that if it weren't true.
"Will you promise to do something for
me, Sara?" Bishop Lanham said softly.
Sara focused on the bishop again. His
gray-blue eyes gazed at her as if he could see right through her. "I don't
know. It depends."
Bishop Lanham tapped Sara's copy of the
letter they had read. "Will you commit to study this letter and pray about
it?"
Sara nodded. She wanted to read the letter
again anyway.
"And if after doing that you feel any
doubts about going to Eden at all, will you promise to reconsider your
decision?"
Again, Sara nodded. That much was self-evident.
"While you're pondering and praying
about this letter, will you promise not to have contact with Dr. Carroll or any
other member of the Eden Colony?"
Sara shook her head. "I don't think I
can do that."
"Then can you commit to keep yourself
from communicating with Dr. Carroll and all other members of the Eden Colony
until next Tuesday?"
Sara hesitated. She and her three Eden
Internet friends from the Baltimore/Washington area had dinner at Don Pablo's
in Columbia every Saturday night, and Dr. Carroll usually joined them. She
loved those dinners with her friends and didn't want to miss the one on
Saturday.
"This is important, Sara. I believe
you need time to think alone."
Finally Sara nodded. She could do that much
for the bishop.
"Good," the bishop said, sounding
relieved. "I'd like to meet with you again next Tuesday evening."
*
Sometimes Sara talked to her parents about
her meetings on the drive back to Parkridge from Frederick, and sometimes she
didn't. That evening she said nothing, preferring to think, and they didn't
press her.
The bishop had received the letter they had
read, but it had been addressed to her personally. This was detailed counsel
directed specifically to her. Could it be that she really was wrong to go to
Eden? That she was interpreting her own desires as the Spirit? Was it possible
Dr. Carroll had lost his temple recommend or was on some other sort of
probation? She didn't like the doubts this particular interview with her bishop
had put into her mind.
When Sara and her parents returned home,
Sara bade them good night and went to bed. Once in her room, Sara kicked off
her shoes, stepped out of her skirt, and sat on her bed, crossing her legs in
front of her and leaning her elbows into the sides of her knees. Her mind
churned in confusion. She read the letter again and again, looking up the
scriptures it referred to and reading entire chapters of the Doctrine and
Covenants. Heavenly Father, I just want
to have a successful life and do what is right for me, and I can't help but
feel Dr. Carroll's Equality of Zion is the perfect answer. Please tell me what
to do!
The phone rang and Sara jumped. She grabbed
the phone before it could wake anyone up and put it to her ear. "Tony, I
can't talk to you."
"You don't have to talk. Just
listen."
"I can't even listen. I'll talk to you
in a few days. I made a promise to my bishop."
"I talked to my bishop tonight too.
That's the problem. I'm having second thoughts."
"Tony, I promised!" She hung up
and dropped the phone on her bed, jumping up to put on her shorts and Royals
shirt. Thinking about Tony Wright made her wish she hadn't made that promise to
the bishop. Tony was as confused as she was, and she had hung up on him. Still,
what else could she have done?
Deciding she needed to talk to Tony as much
as he seemed to need to talk to her, she picked up the phone again and punched
in the number for information. Within a minute, she had Bishop Lanham's number
and was punching it frantically into the phone. His wife answered.
"Uh . . ." Sara
said, feeling ridiculous, "I need--I mean, may I speak with the bishop?
This is Sara. Sara Alexander." Sara winced. How weak! Why in the galaxy
was she doing this? She was nothing more than a silly girl who couldn't keep a
promise for more than two hours, and the poor man needed to sleep.
Eventually Sara heard Bishop Lanham's voice
in her ear. "What can I do for you, Sara?"
"One of my Eden friends called.
Apparently he's been talking to his bishop also and is now having second
thoughts. He wanted to talk about it, but I hung up on him. I want to talk to
him too, but, you know, I promised."
"And you want me to give you
permission to call him back." Bishop Lanham sounded amused, in a nice way,
and Sara felt more ridiculous than ever.
"I guess. Yes. It was rude of me to
hang up on him and he's as confused as I am, so certainly there couldn't be any
harm in talking to him."
"Who is this friend of yours?"
"Tony Wright. He's from Gaithersburg,
and his family is now in Bethesda. I met him in Dr. Carroll's chat room online
several months ago. Tony and I and the other two students from this area,
Jordan Tressler and Marc McCabe, have dinner together in Columbia every
Saturday evening."
"Do you want to call Jordan and Marc also?"
"No, actually I don't."
"If you talk to Tony tonight, will you
encourage him to stay on Earth or go to Eden?"
"Neither. We're both confused. I think
we would talk about our confusion."
"And you feel such a discussion would
be productive?"
Sara leaned her head into her hand and
rubbed her temples with her thumb and middle two fingers. "No. You're
right. Such a discussion would just muddle things more."
"Why don't you e‑mail Tony and
apologize for hanging up on him. Tell him you need time alone to think and that
you'll get back to him in a few days."
Sara nodded, even though she knew the
bishop couldn't see her. "I could do that."
"Perhaps both of you will decide, on
your own, to stay home. After the Eden transport leaves Earth, you can take him
to a Navy football game."
Sara laughed a little, releasing her head
and looking up at the ceiling. "He's a die-hard University of Maryland
fan. I'm not sure he would want to go see the Midshipmen when he could watch or
listen to the Terps."
"He's a student at Maryland,
then?"
"Was. He finished his undergraduate
degree last spring."
"I think even a die-hard Maryland fan
would get a thrill seeing David Pierce lead the Brigade of Midshipmen onto the
field."
"He probably would," Sara
conceded, "if he knew David."
"You haven't introduced this good
friend of yours to David?"
The bishop's tone carried no hint of
reprimand, but Sara felt reprimanded all the same. "No," she said
quietly. "I haven't introduced any of my Eden friends to my family. And I
haven't told my family about my Eden friends."
"Perhaps you should."
"Perhaps I will." Sara felt
guilty. Her parents knew she spent time online talking to Dr. Carroll and the
other people who were going to Eden, but they didn't approve. They so
disapproved, in fact, that they had blocked Dr. Carroll's web site, along with
all others connected with the Zarrists, on their own computer network. The only
way around their stupid ban was to use a wireless Internet service. Her parents
didn't like the fact she kept in contact with the other Eden colonists this
way, but there wasn't much they could do about it short of kicking her out of
the house. "Thank you, Bishop. I'm sorry to bother you."
"Read D&C section 9 before you go
to bed tonight, will you, Sara?"
"Well, why not?" Sara replied,
feeling tense and mentally exhausted. What was one more section?
"That's what you get for calling me
after nine o'clock," the bishop teased.
Sara couldn't help but chuckle, releasing
some of the tension she felt. "Thanks. Good night."
Sara hung up and read section 9, lingering
over verses 8 and 9: But behold, I say
unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it
be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within
you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you
shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall
cause you to forget the thing which is wrong . . .
What was the bishop trying to tell her?
That her present confusion was "a stupor of thought?" Perhaps. Then
again, how could it be? For months she had known she should go to Eden, known
it because the burning in her bosom told her so. Then again, her father would
say a mind bond was compelling her, not the Spirit, but he didn't really know.
She was his daughter, after all, intellectually and spiritually strong enough
to resist such a bond, even if Tohmazz Zarr had attempted it, which she had a
difficult time believing.
What was she supposed to do? The Spirit
told her to go to Eden, and the prophet told her not to go. How was she
supposed to reconcile these conflicting commands? Was her bishop right? Was this
bewilderment she felt a "stupor of thought?" A sign that it really
was wrong to go to Eden after all?
Sara forced herself to write a quick e‑mail
to Tony. She really did wish she could introduce Tony and her other Eden
friends to her family. It wasn't right that her Eden life and her family life
were separate. Why did her parents have to be so dense?
And why did David? Her father had promised
he wouldn't fight her decision to go to Eden anymore, but David hadn't and
wouldn't. They argued about it every time she saw him, and he was formidable.
Now and then she believed life would be easier if she could just slip away and
not see David again at all, but she couldn't very well throw away her best
friend in the world. She would see him again before she left if she had to take
a Sunday afternoon and drive to Annapolis herself.
While Sara was online, she couldn't resist
popping into Dr. Carroll's forbidden web site. She wouldn't chat with anyone,
of course, but she could look at the family pictures for a few teeny tiny
minutes. Her mind was too tired to work anymore and needed time to relax and
dream.
The first pictures to greet Sara were
recent portraits of Dr. Carroll and his wife. Dr. Carroll's sky-blue eyes
exuded intelligence, spirituality, and friendliness, the smoothness of his
skin, the fullness of his golden blond hair, and dimple in his right cheek
displaying youthfulness, despite his age, which was forty-six. Sister Thomassen
Carroll smiled in a self-assured way, her pale-blond hair cut in a pageboy with
bangs, her warm pink blouse both business-like and feminine.
Below these portraits was a picture of them
with their four children, all with various shades of blond hair and lush golden
lashes. The Carrolls held themselves with elegance in their classic clothing.
They were a family beautiful enough to grace the pages of the Ensign or an advertisement for Deseret
Book.
Sara brought up the wedding picture of Dr.
Carroll and his wife in front of the Oakland Temple. Dr. Carroll looked so much
like Cameron in the wedding picture that she had to catch her breath every time
she looked at it. His wife's wedding dress glittered in the sun, her hair long
and gently curled under a wreath of white roses. There were childhood pictures
of Cameron, Ashley, Brandon, and Adam and photographs of the family's gorgeous
estate home in Greenwood, Maryland.
Adam and Brandon posed with their baseball
teams. Brandon proudly stood with his parents at his Eagle court of honor.
Ashley smiled for her senior picture, her eyes green like her mother's and her
chin bearing a cleft like her father's. Her hair, like her mother's, was pale
blond and cut in a pageboy. Her style, however, was flatter than her mother's,
parted on the side, and angled at the jaw. Ashley had been the valedictorian of
her high school graduating class and student body president. She had excelled
in debate, drama, and choir, and played both the piano and the flute. Sara
sometimes thought Ashley and Josh should have been friends. They were
practically the same age and were interested in so many of the same things.
Sara casually moved from Ashley's photos
and brief biography to Cameron's, forcing herself to maintain dignified
restraint even in her solitude. There was a picture of him with his parents at
his Eagle court of honor and one of him in a running suit with dozens of medals
hanging from his extended arms and more hanging from his neck. There were prom
and homecoming pictures, all with beautiful girls Sara recognized from his stake,
and there was a photograph of him with his parents in front of the Columbia
stake center, taken the day of his missionary farewell.
She examined the farewell picture more
closely than she had the others, as she always did. It was odd. In it, Cameron
wore the strangest expression she had ever seen on his face. His mouth curved
into the tiniest of smiles, as if he didn't want to smile at all, and his eyes
were feverish. He looked trapped. She had seen freedom and euphoria often
enough on his face during his sprints that she thought she should be able to
recognize the opposite. There was no doubt about it. In the farewell picture he
looked caged and haunted, as if he didn't want to go on a mission at all and
his parents were forcing him.
Sara clicked on the hyperlink to a copy of
one of the many e-mails Cameron had sent to his family from China. Since
Cameron had been out well over a year and a half, there were many e-mails, all
passionate about the gospel and radiating love for the Chinese people. Sometimes
he became discouraged, but basically he was successful in what he was doing and
happy.
Sara didn't think the Church would include
a young man who was ambivalent about being on a mission in the first group to
open up a country. Nor did she think such a young man would be called to be a
branch president, with the responsibility of not only directing the branch, but
teaching and baptizing converts and then arranging for them to travel to the
temple community in Beijing. She believed, in fact, that Cameron was an
exceptional missionary. She read two of Cameron's e-mails, assuring herself
that these were not the e-mails of a young man who had been forced to go on a
mission.
Not wanting to be disturbed by the farewell
photo again, Sara went to Cameron's senior portrait, finally giving herself
permission to ogle him. Those exquisite aqua eyes gazed back at her candidly
from the photograph in a way they never had in person.
"Why couldn't you have looked my way
once, Cameron Carroll?" Sara softly begged the portrait on the screen.
"Just once?" Sara sometimes liked to think he was a snob, but she
knew he wasn't. In six years, she had never detected a speck of haughtiness in
him. She had been forced to accept the bitter fact that there simply wasn't
anything about her that captured his interest.
Sara forced her eyes away from Cameron's
and thought about Tony Wright, a guy she liked as well as any person she had
ever known and who was quite good-looking to boot. Though she and Tony had a
natural rapport and communicated often online and on the phone, he had never
asked her out and she had never asked him. A part of Sara thought it was
because Tony didn't feel any more comfortable introducing her to his family
than she felt introducing him to hers. A deeper part of her, though, believed
it was because they both intuitively knew they could never be more than
friends.
Why that was, Sara didn't know. Perhaps
Tony wasn't interested in her in a romantic way. Perhaps, on the other hand, he
sensed her heart belonged to someone else and didn't want to get too close. If
that was the case, a little encouragement from her could change things between
them drastically. For the first time, Sara wondered whether her passion for
Cameron was spoiling the possibility of a real love relationship.
Sara hadn't seen Cameron in two years and
wouldn't see him again for another two. Tony was available now, a genuine flesh
and blood guy, not a dream man. Cameron reminded Sara of candlelight, slow
dancing, cotton and silk, BMWs, glamorous women, and classical music. Tony
reminded her of campfires, bear hugs, denim and flannel, trucks, dogs (no, big dogs), and classic rock. She thought
Tony was probably more her type, so why did she keep yearning for Cameron?
Sara's eyes found Cameron's again. Who was
she fooling? She couldn't get Cameron out of her mind because he was perfect.
Not because of the candlelight and silk, but because he laughed easily and
smiled with his eyes. Because he achieved greatness while remaining a good
sport. Because he was compassionate and full of faith and able to express his
deepest convictions and emotions in a way that felt comfortable to her. Because
he had the body of an Olympian and the countenance of an angel.
Sara shut down her laptop. No guy could be
that perfect. There had to be something wrong with him. It was his farewell
photo, after all, which was the only blemish in an otherwise flawless photo
display. Cameron was probably the family lunatic.
Sara had mustered the nerve to ask Dr.
Carroll how Cameron was doing only once, the first time they had met, and only
because Dr. Carroll had recognized her from the track meets. One of these days
she would work up the nerve to ask about him again and would in time, perhaps,
learn something deliciously ridiculous about him. She kept hoping Dr. Carroll
would say something about him without encouragement from her, anything at all,
but he never did.
As Sara set her laptop on her desk and
picked up her phone to plug it in and charge, the phone rang. Seeing that it
was Dr. Carroll, she tried to ignore it. With every second that passed,
however, her discomfort increased until she could do nothing but answer.
Sara's fingers trembled as they combed her
long dark locks off of her forehead. She didn't know whether to panic or be
excited. "Yes?" she replied as calmly as she could.
"This is Ben Carroll. I missed you in
the chat room this evening. Are you all right?"
Hearing Dr. Carroll's voice from the phone
always awed Sara. He was so in tune with the Spirit that he not only sensed her
agitation but also took time to call her. How could this man possibly be an
apostate? "I feel a little beat up emotionally, but otherwise I'm fine.
Thanks for your concern."
"Of course I'm concerned, Sara. You
never miss an evening in the chat room. What's wrong?"
"I spent the evening with my
bishop." Sara couldn't help but feel guilty. She might be able to hang up
on Tony, but she couldn't hang up on Dr. Carroll. She would just have to cut
the conversation short somehow. "I promised him I wouldn't communicate
with you or the other colonists until after our next interview, which is
Tuesday."
"Why did you make a promise like
that?" He sounded surprised.
"I don't know. He caught me off guard,
I guess."
"It isn't like my Little Panther to be
so acquiescent."
"No, I don't suppose it is."
Hearing the nickname "Little Panther" always made Sara smile because
only a tall man like Dr. Carroll would think she was little. She still couldn't
believe that a man as extraordinary as Dr. Carroll remembered her from high
school. When, at their first meeting, she had expressed astonishment at his
memory, he had replied, amused, "How could I forget the black-haired girl
in black spandex who sprinted with the liveliness and power of a panther?"
Sometimes he called her Little Cougar in honor of her former position on the
BYU track team, but usually it was Little Panther.
"Your parents must be pleased."
"My parents don't know unless the
bishop told them, and I don't think he would do that." Sara felt so
demoralized about being on such poor terms with her parents that she couldn't
bring herself to talk about the situation with anyone but Dr. Carroll and her
four Don Pablo's friends. Tony's situation with his family was actually worse
than hers. "The good news is, my father did promise me last night he
wouldn't try to talk me out of going to Eden anymore."
"That's wonderful!"
"That's ironic, you mean. He promises,
and the next day, I'm mixed up. It's that letter the bishop read. He told me to
read section 9. I think he's trying to tell me that this confusion I'm feeling
is a 'stupor of thought' and is the Lord's way of telling me I shouldn't go to
Eden."
"When you talk to your bishop again,
tell him that your 'stupor of thought' was the Lord's way of telling you that remaining on Earth is the wrong thing to
do."
Dr. Carroll's logic dazzled Sara. Perhaps
he was right! She hadn't been confused about a thing until she had read that
letter. "Maybe I will. Thanks. You know, I really must hang up. I promised!"
"I'm sorry, Sara. I thought you wanted
to talk to me."
"I always love talking to you, but tonight won't work. I have to go. 'Bye!"
Sara hung up and turned off the light,
collapsing into bed. Her body ached and she was too tired to think, but her
mind kept working anyway. The conversations with her bishop played over and
over in her head, along with the words of the letter, the counsel of scriptures
she had read that evening, and her conversation with Dr. Carroll. She wanted to
follow the prophet and take counsel from her bishop, but she kept coming back
to the fact that she hadn't felt a second of doubt about going to Eden before
reading the letter.
Sara drifted to sleep, eventually finding
herself in the blocks on the track of Parkridge High School, wearing an
ankle-length black spandex bodysuit. Her hair hung loosely around her face.
Unlike the other girls, she never wore her hair back when she ran. When her
hair was free, so was she. The gun fired and she sprinted away. Her start was
excellent, and the air was still. She was a headwind barreling down the track,
leveling her competition. She was gone! She was outta there!
Before Sara had run too many meters, she
heard frantic cries from all around her, her coaches, her teammates, and her
parents. "You're going the wrong way, Sara! Turn around now! Get back in the race! You're going
the wrong way!"
Sara glanced around in confusion, slowing a
little. Certainly she hadn't been stupid enough to run away from the race! She
passed the high jumpers and the long jumpers and saw Dr. Carroll sprinting down
the track several meters in front of her, wearing Gladiator-red. He turned
slightly to look at her, motioning her to follow him. "Come on, Little
Panther! This is a better way! You can do it! Look! You've left your
competition far behind!" Soothed by the voice in front of her, Sara
sprinted harder to catch up with it, the voices of her coaches, teammates and
parents fading away.
Sara immediately woke up. She wasn't
sprinting, but her heart was. She felt for the security of the denim quilt, her
fingers finding the seams and knots of yarn. She always dreamed of high school
after evenings of ogling Cameron's photos and reading his e-mails. Sara forced
herself to breathe deeply in an effort to relax, feeling more confused than
ever.
*
Sara left her phone off for the next five
days and didn't boot up her computer at all, and as much as it tortured her,
she didn't go to dinner Saturday evening at Don Pablo's. When she arrived at
the stake center to meet with her bishop Tuesday evening, she was relieved that
she could tell him she had kept her commitment to keep from communicating with
Dr. Carroll and her other Eden friends.
Bishop Lanham invited Sara into his office.
They chatted for a few minutes about the game, throwing around comments such
as: "The Hawks killed the Panthers!" and "The Hawks ran up the
score!" and "The Panthers need to get a defense!" and "The
Hawks need to get a conscience!"
Eventually Bishop Lanham brought the
discussion to the matter at hand. "Have you come to any new conclusions
since we last met?"
"No, actually I haven't. I appreciate
your concern, but I know more strongly than ever that the Lord wants me to go
to Eden."
Surprise came over Bishop Lanham's face,
followed by disappointment. "You've been talking to Dr. Carroll."
Sara knew she had done nothing wrong, that
she had kept her commitment, but she felt guilty all the same. "No. I mean
yes. I mean, I didn't mean to!"
"I don't understand." He watched
her carefully from the other side of the desk, his eyes still disappointed, as
if he had lost respect for her.
"After I talked to you Thursday night,
I e‑mailed Tony as you suggested. I went online for a while after that,
but I didn't go into Dr. Carroll's chat room, as I usually do. Dr. Carroll
noticed I wasn't there and was concerned, so he called me. That's the only time
I talked to him. I haven't had the phone or the computer on since!"
The bishop frowned. "You didn't think
it was odd that he would call you? Or has he called you before?"
"He calls me every now and then,
usually when I have something on my mind."
"Every now and then? How often is
that?"
"Every couple of weeks, I guess. It's
hard to say. It always surprises me."
"When he calls, how long do you
talk?"
Sara shrugged. "It depends. The other
night I only talked to him for a few minutes. Usually, though, it's longer than
that."
"Ten minutes? Thirty minutes? An
hour?"
"I don't think we've ever talked
longer than an hour and a half."
"An hour and a half? That's a long
time."
"Not really. He's a psychologist,
remember?"
"Do the two of you e‑mail back
and forth?"
Sara nodded. "Every few days."
"What do you talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know. The gospel. Books.
Current events. His plans for the colony--everything. He has an amazing
mind."
"What did he say the other night,
Sara?"
Sara told him everything. "He was
right, you know. I didn't feel one second of doubt about going to Eden before
last Thursday evening, and I don't feel any doubt about it now. Obviously the
decision to remain home was causing my 'stupor of thought.'"
"Why does he call you 'Little Panther'?"
"Because he says I run like a panther,
which, as you know, is Parkridge's mascot."
"He saw you run when you were in high
school?"
Sara felt her cheeks grow warm. "His
son . . . Cameron . . . is my age. He ran track
in high school too. Dr. Carroll, amazingly enough, remembers me from the
meets."
Bishop Lanham smiled. "How many state
championships did you win?"
"Five." She would have had six
had she not blown it on the 400 her junior year. Cameron was better at the 400
than she was and had won it both his junior and senior years, along with the
100 and 200, making a total of six state titles for him.
"And you think it's strange that Dr.
Carroll would remember you?"
"Well, when you put it that way,
perhaps not."
"The fact that he remembered you doesn't
disturb me. That he would spend so much time with you on the phone and online
and give you a provocative pet name like 'Little Panther' disturbs me a great
deal."
"He calls me Little Panther, and the
guys call me Bubble Babe. So?"
"Bubble Babe?"
"Because I'm careful about what I eat
and bring my own bottled water to the restaurant, like someone who lives in a
bubble, isolated from the environment. Even Dr. Carroll was astounded when I
told them I hadn't eaten any kind of restaurant food until I was
seventeen."
The bishop leaned back in his chair and
waved his hands, smiling. He knew her family too well. "All right, all
right, I get it." His expression of amusement suddenly changed to one of
alarm. "Dr. Carroll has dinner with you and your friends in
Columbia?"
"Usually. Not always."
"Does he bring his family?"
"No. We told him he should--after all,
he recommended Don Pablo's to us because it's his kids' favorite
restaurant--but he says his wife doesn't want to intrude on our little
gathering. I guess she feels it would make it more of a family event than a
casual gathering of students."
"How long has this been going
on?"
"Since early last summer." Sara
counted to herself. "That would be four months, maybe five."
"And Sister Carroll has never come to
one of these dinners with her husband?"
"No, not that I can remember."
"Never?"
"No, never."
"Isn't she one of the colony's leaders?
And your mentor?"
Sara nodded.
"And it doesn't strike you as strange
that she would never be there?"
Sara shifted her position and folded her
arms, feeling annoyed. "Why are you asking me all of these
questions?"
"Because your relationship with Dr.
Carroll seems overly familiar, and that disturbs me."
Sara stiffened. "What are you driving
at?"
The bishop leaned toward Sara, his face
grave. "I have an uneasy feeling about this man, Sara. He's calling and e‑mailing
you regularly and spending every Saturday evening with you and your
friends--without his wife. Any one of those things by itself might not bother
me, but all of them together add up to a lot of time he's spending with you
instead of his family."
Sara gasped. "You're suggesting Dr.
Carroll's behavior toward me has been inappropriate?"
Bishop Lanham nodded. "My gut feeling
is that he's attracted to you and can't resist pursuing it."
How could the bishop suggest such a thing?
How could he even think it? "You don't understand anything! He treats me
like a daughter! That's what the Eden Colony is all about! Government leaders
are concerned about every individual, and every individual has equal access to
government leaders!"
"How many students are in the Eden
colony, Sara?"
Sara drummed her fingers on her thigh.
"A hundred."
"And you think each one of them is
getting that kind of personal attention from Dr. Carroll?"
Now that the bishop mentioned it, Sara had
to admit to herself that she had never thought about the time she was spending
with Dr. Carroll in those terms. "Well, he chats with all of us online,
and others would come to dinner with us on Saturday night if they lived in the
area. As for phone calls and e‑mails, I have no idea."
"Well, I do. He's only one man and a very busy one right
now while he's working to get his colony organized. He simply doesn't have time
to nurture every one of his students the way he's nurturing you."
"There's no way you can know
that."
"Wake up, Sara! He is dangerous to you
and in a very personal way."
"Since when does a classy, married, former bishop pursue a tomboy who is young enough to be his
daughter? You're deranged!"
"You are no tomboy, Sara. You are a
beautiful, intense woman capable of attracting all kinds of men, even classy, married, former bishops. Get rid of your
phone, completely rid of it, and hand your computer over to your parents until
the Eden transport leaves Earth. And if Dr. Carroll tries to see you personally
in the next week, use that amazing talent of yours and run from him!"
Bishop Lanham had a lot of nerve! How dare he! Sara sprang out of her chair
and leaned over the desk. "What are you, a bishop or a dictator?"
Bishop Lanham didn't flinch. "Fidel
Castro, at your service."
What he suggested about Dr. Carroll was
absurd, a thought that refused to do so much as plant itself in Sara's mind,
much less grow there in any kind of serious way, but he was the bishop. Remorse
overwhelmed Sara. She dropped back into her chair. "I'm sorry I yelled at
you. I should repent."
"In sackcloth and ashes." Sara
knew he meant it light-heartedly, but he didn't smile. "I'm worried about
you, Sara, a hundred times more than I was when you walked in here this
evening. Please stay home and take the scholarship at the University of
Maryland."
Sara stroked the wood armrest on her chair,
staring at one of the red flowers in her pink knit dress. "You seem sure
my family won't move to Kansas City."
"Do you think they will?"
Sara shook her head.
The bishop grimaced a little in empathy.
"I know Maryland isn't BYU, but I think you'll have a good experience
there."
No one had put it to her quite that way
before, and it meant a lot coming from Bishop Lanham, who was a BYU graduate
himself. He understood. She thought her mother should understand too, but if
she did, she had never said it. "No, it isn't BYU," Sara said under
her breath.
"Neither is Eden."
Sara rested her forehead on her hand,
unable to say anything for several moments. She felt as if she were being
swallowed by darkness. Whether it was confusion, anxiety, or a hidden fear, she
didn't know. Finally she looked up at the bishop again and forced herself to
smile. "You aren't going to encourage me to go on a mission?" She was
almost twenty-one, after all, and she needed to know whether this particular
bishop knew about Novaun.
The bishop's dark brown eyebrows come
together in a queer way. "No." he said carefully. "Your father
would never forgive me."
So he
did know, and not only did he know, he believed her father would return to
Novaun in the near future and therefore wouldn't want her to commit herself to
a mission. "My father says most Novaunian women my age are already
married," Sara said slowly, painfully.
Bishop Lanham smiled a little.
"Perhaps that means Novaunian men are exceptional and irresistible."
It sounded like a joke, and Sara thought
she should laugh, but she felt her jaw tremble and her eyes burn instead. She
stared at the desk. "I can't imagine myself being married to a Novaunian
man." She couldn't help but think of Cameron Carroll and knew she would
never see him again if she went to Novaun with her father. He would slip away
from her forever and never be anything more than a memory, a dream.
The bishop's voice was gentle and earnest.
"You could do no better, Sara, than to marry a man like your father."
Sara felt the truth of Bishop Lanham's
words and nodded. Cameron had never been anything more than a girlish fantasy.
It was time she got over this silly obsession for good.
"I think if you would give your father
a chance, he would tell you things about Novaun that would diminish your
fears."
"You're probably right," Sara
conceded, meeting the bishop's gaze again, feeling almost composed.
Bishop Lanham arose from his chair.
"Why don't you ask him about it right now? You'll have plenty of time to
talk on the drive home."
Sara decided to do as Bishop Lanham
advised. As she slid into the backseat of the car and strapped herself in, she
said breezily, "Dad, I was wondering if you could tell me something about
Novaunian men."
Both of her parents turned and looked at
her in surprise. After a moment, her mother laughed and her father grinned, as
pleased as Sara had seen him in a long time. What followed were dozens of funny
stories about his brothers, his uncles, and his friends from Shalaun. Sara and
her mother were still in hysterics when they walked through the front door of
their home, and the other kids were jealous that they had missed out on all the
fun.
When Sara finally went to her room, she sat
on her bed and studied her laptop. She moved to open it several times, but
found she couldn't. Eventually she decided that she had nothing to lose by taking
the bishop's advice. She would have no contact with her Eden friends for the
rest of the week, and if on Sunday, she still felt as strongly about going to
Eden as she always had, she would be assured it really was the Lord's will. She
would go to the meeting to sustain her new bishop and renew her ties with her
Eden friends and nothing would be lost but a few pleasant hours in the chat
room and those Don Pablo's fajitas she so enjoyed.
Sara picked up her laptop and her phone and
took them down the hall to her parents' bedroom. When her mother answered the
door, Sara handed the items to her, then turned to go back to her own room, not
saying a word.
*
The next morning, Sara felt too nervous to
eat. All of her younger brothers and sisters had left for school already except
three-year-old Zack, who was playing a game on the computer. She squished her
cereal with her spoon, wishing she had been able to talk to her mother more
over the past months during this quiet morning time.
A basket of clean towels, topped with
several boxes of macaroni and cheese, slid through the basement door into the
kitchen. After Sara's mother emerged through the door, Sara blurted out before
she could change her mind, "What do you think about going to Novaun,
Mom?"
Her
mother regarded her in surprise, her features softening in pleasure. She
immediately sat down at the old cherry table across from Sara, her eyebrows
rising. "You do plan to go to
work today, don't you?"
Sara smiled and pushed the bowl of cereal aside.
"This can't be that hard. Do you like the idea of going to Novaun or don't
you?"
"Yes I do. Very much. I've known all
along, of course, that I would probably be returning to Novaun with your father
at some point in time."
"It seems there is no decision then.
Nothing to feel anxious or confused about at all."
"You have to understand, Sara, the
prospect of going to Novaun has always been a future event, always hazy. When I
try to visualize our leaving Earth, thoughts of my family and how I will miss
them so overwhelm me that I don't think I'll be able to leave at all. Then it
occurs to me that your father hasn't seen his family in ten, fifteen, and now
twenty years, and I hurt for him more than for myself, and then I think that we
must go to Novaun. Then in the middle
of all this, I realize that your father loves his life here on Earth as much as
he misses his family and that he has no idea whether or not he even wants to go back. He's very concerned
about my happiness and doesn't know whether he should take me from my family.
Not only that, but his skills are so needed at the temple."
Sara thought she understood. "I don't
suppose there are many people who can to do the ordinances in any language and
act as a translator when people from all parts of the world come to have their
work done."
"No, there aren't. Sometimes I wonder
whether we'll leave at all. I need your father to take a strong stand one way
or another, and he won't do it." Her mother tossed her hands into the air.
"So here I sit in limbo, anxious and confused."
"Sometimes I think Dad can't make a
decision to save his life!"
Her mother moaned and gripped her temples
with her hands, her eyes seeming to ignite. "Oh, he makes excellent
decisions when someone holds a gun to his head! At that point, though, I'm
usually the one who wants to kill him! He's going to make me crazy, you know
that!"
"Can't you just make the decision for
him?"
Her mother leaned on an arm. "In this
case, no. His duty to Novaun is something that transcends the desires of either
one of us. It's not something I can dictate to him or diminish. In the end,
whether we leave or not is a decision only he can make."
"Does Dad have to go back to
Novaun?"
Her mother sat up straight and rested her
hands on the light blue vinyl tablecloth. "That isn't clear. He has seven
years of information he needs to send to Novaun, but whether Novaunian Fleet
will actually order him back we won't know until someone comes for him."
"Novaunian Fleet? Is that a space
navy? Dad's a military man?"
Her mother nodded. "Through and
through. Both his family and your mother's have a long tradition in the
Fleet."
Sara looked away, attempting to digest this
new information. Just when she was on the verge of deciding it was the most
bizarre, incongruent thing she had ever heard, a hot, humid afternoon fifteen
years before poured into her memory. She and David were chasing each other
around a large cemetery in Gettysburg. Not many minutes passed before she felt
her father's hand grip her arm.
She glanced to her right and saw that his
other hand was holding David. "You will not run here," her father
said solemnly. "Or speak in loud voices. The men buried under your feet
died in defense of their homes and our freedom. This is sacred ground."
When he let go of them, David looked around
the cemetery, his playful expression softening into one of reverence. He
straightened and looked up at her father, nodding once. "I
understand."
Sara remembered how, several years later,
her father had stood as if paralyzed at the end of the Vietnam Veterans'
Memorial, staring at all of those names of soldiers who had died in the war,
tears streaming down his face. Both she and David had been shocked. "I've
never seen your father cry before, Sara," David had whispered, deeply
disturbed. Her father had reacted in a similar way at Antietam, site of the
bloodiest battle of the Civil War, and when they had gone to the Holocaust
Memorial Museum, he had been so horrified and full of grief that they had had
to leave before they saw much of the museum at all.
Sara met her mother's eyes again, nodding
thoughtfully. "I can see it. Did Dad ever go back to the Holocaust
Museum?"
"Yes," she whispered. "He
spent several days there alone. It was one of the most difficult things he's
ever had to do, but he had to see it. Novaunian Fleet needs to know the
brutality our race is capable of. He was grateful your mother had never seen
it."
So was Sara, and she didn't know why.
"I wonder if all Novaunian women are so delicate."
Her mother smiled. "All you have to do
is look in the mirror, Sara, to see a Novaunian woman. You were raised here, so
you're not as sensitive to the ugliness and violence around you as your mother
was, but in many other ways, you are very much like her."
"You speak as if you knew her."
"I do know her, in a way. Your father
has telepathically shown me many of his memories of her."
"That didn't make
you . . . uncomfortable?"
"You mean jealous?"
Sara nodded.
"Not at all. I knew from the beginning
I was getting involved with a man who had been married before. To be honest,
had your father not deeply loved your mother, I wouldn't have married him.
Because he loved your mother so much and had treated her so well, I knew he
would do the same for me."
"That's romantic logic I've never
heard before," Sara said, moved by her mother's willingness to confide in
her. "But it feels true."
"It is true. Your father may make me
crazy sometimes, but he's never disappointed me in the things that matter
most."
For the first time in six years, Sara
wanted to tell her mother about Cameron and all of the strange feelings she was
having. Maybe if she vocalized her predicament, it would disappear.
Trembling, Sara put her fingers to her
forehead, staring at the table. "This is going to sound
stupid . . ." She slid her fingers into her hair, pulling
it. "All my life . . . well, since eighth grade
anyway . . . I . . . I've been
in . . . love . . . with someone."
Feeling tears flood into her eyes and blood
into her cheeks, she gasped and dropped her head to her arms, which were folded
on the table. Her mother laid her hand on her shoulder with a gentleness that
was almost tentative, as if she weren't sure Sara would want her to touch her.
That she would wonder such a thing made Sara feel ashamed, and she lost what
little control she had left. The tears flowed and her shoulders shook, and six
years' worth of pain erupted. "I've never . . . told anyone . . .
because . . . he's never . . .
looked . . . at me twice . . .
but . . . but . . . I don't want to leave
him . . ."
When Sara's sobs faded, she felt lighter
than she had in a long time. She jumped out of her chair and went to get
tissues from the box on the kitchen counter. After wiping her eyes and blowing
her nose, she turned to her mother, who was walking toward her, her face also
wet with tears. Sara handed her a tissue. "I feel so silly. I'm too old to
have a crush. I haven't even seen him in two years. Tell me I'm being
stupid."
Her mother shook her head, pressing the
tissue to her cheeks. "I don't know what to tell you, Sara."
Sara moved toward the drawer where the
dishcloths were kept. "Don't you want to know who it is?"
Her mother leaned against the butcher-block
island. "Is he someone I know?"
Sara soaked the dishcloth with cold water
and laid it against her eyelids and cheeks. "No . . . I
mean yes . . . I mean, sort of."
"Well?"
Sara draped the dishcloth over the faucet
and turned to her mother. "Cameron Carroll." She held out her hands.
"There! That wasn't so hard."
Her mother was frowning. Sara wasn't sure
telling her about Cameron had been a good idea. She went to the refrigerator to
get several bottles of water to take with her to work, wondering what her
mother would say and wondering even more what she would say in response.
As Sara opened the fruit drawer, her mother
said, "Cameron's exceptional, Sara. There's no doubt about it. But so are
you. I don't believe--not for a moment--that he never gave you a second
look."
Sara closed the fridge door, apple in hand,
and looked at her mother in surprise. She wasn't just saying words she thought
a mother should say. She was serious. Sara relaxed, feeling liberated.
"Thank you."
*
Sara arrived at work in a thoughtful mood
and left the same way late that afternoon. She couldn't get the things her
parents had told her out of her mind. She knew her destiny lay in space. Could
it be that Novaun was her destination, not Eden at all? Underlying all of her
thoughts were emotions of gratitude to her mother for believing she was
exceptional enough to draw a second look from a guy like Cameron Carroll.
Sara took her car keys out of an outside
pocket of her backpack and threw the pack over her shoulder. She twirled the
keys on her finger and headed to her car, a pathetic eighteen-year-old red
Camaro that even her brother didn't want to drive. As she jogged, someone
stepped in front of her.
Startled, Sara looked up. Dr. Carroll stood
there, wearing a golden brown suede sports jacket over a bright aqua polo
shirt. The shirt set off his eyes and made them appear aqua. He looked so much
like Cameron at the moment that Sara's hands began to sweat and her pulse
picked up speed.
Dr. Carroll smiled in a way that suggested
he was pleased he had surprised her. "Don't I get a hello?"
Sara could feel herself smiling, no,
beaming like an idiot. She had never seen this man when he didn't make her feel
both outclassed and exhilarated. "Hi! What in the galaxy are you doing
here?" Bishop Lanham had told her to run if Dr. Carroll tried to see her
personally, but Sara found herself hugging him instead.
Dr. Carroll's breath warmed her ear as he
whispered, "If you wanted me to come to you, all you had to do was
ask."
"I would never presume," Sara
replied, happy and abashed.
Dr. Carroll released Sara and surveyed her
at arm's length, holding her hands. "I can see you're agitated. Would you
like to talk?"
"Please!"
Dr. Carroll put a hand on her back, guiding
her toward his Mercedes. "Is there somewhere in town we can get ice
cream?"
Sara directed Dr. Carroll to a frozen
yogurt shop. Dr. Carroll purchased two sundaes, then sat down across from Sara
at one of the small tables.
Dr. Carroll pushed Sara's sundae across the
table to her. "How did the interview with your bishop go last night?"
What should she tell him? "It was
strange."
"What did he say?"
Sara wanted to tell him about Novaun but
knew she shouldn't--she owed that much to her parents at least--and she couldn't
tell him about Bishop Lanham's ridiculous suspicions. "He counseled me to
take the scholarship at Maryland and to talk to my parents."
Dr. Carroll smiled. "What's so strange
about that?"
"Nothing." Sara stared at her
sundae, unable to look at Dr. Carroll directly. She couldn't avoid telling him
now. "It . . . it bothered him that you would name me 'Little
Panther' and call me sometimes." She could feel herself blush.
Sara felt Dr. Carroll place his fingers
gently under her chin. Before she knew it, she was gazing into his earnest blue
eyes. "And he told you that I'm attracted to you."
Sara nodded, feeling her blush deepen.
"When he told you that, how did it
make you feel?"
"I told him that you think of me as a
daughter," Sara whispered. "I also told him that he's deranged."
His eyes narrowed a bit, wrinkling the
little lines at the corners of his eyes. "How did he respond to
that?"
"He told me to stay away from
you."
Dr. Carroll's fingers moved to Sara's cheek
in a caress. Sara's skin grew warmer than ever under his touch. He leaned a
little closer to her, his knees touching hers under the table, compassion
smoothing away the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. "Why is this topic
of conversation making you so uncomfortable?"
"I didn't want to tell you."
Dr. Carroll moved his hand into her hair,
stroking it away from her face. "Why not?"
Dr. Carroll's nonchalant reaction to Bishop
Lanham's suspicions impressed Sara. A person with less class would have been
offended. "I'm embarrassed by my bishop's lack of understanding."
A golden-brown eyebrow lifted.
"According to conventional Mormon practice, my relationship with you is too affectionate."
The heat in Sara's face felt as if it were
spreading into her neck. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to
imply . . ."
"This doesn't have to be so difficult,
Sara," he said softly. "You can talk to me about anything. Don't you
know that?"
"I always thought so," Sara said,
and she meant it. Why was this topic
of conversation so difficult?
Dr. Carroll laid his hands over Sara's.
Feeling his warmth, Sara realized her hands were clutching her cup of frozen
yogurt. He lifted her cold hands and pressed them against her cheeks, smiling.
The tenderness of the gesture elated Sara.
"You are so incredible!" She had almost allowed Bishop Lanham to talk
her out of going to Eden. What had she been thinking? "I can't believe how
tuned into me you are."
He squeezed her hands, then released them
and folded his arms on the table, pushing his sundae toward her a little.
"It isn't difficult to tune into a kindred spirit." He seemed to be
choosing his words carefully, his eyes never leaving hers.
Sara lowered her hands to the table, so
touched she felt as if she were trembling and giddy. "We have become good
friends, haven't we?" Who would have ever thought it?
Dr. Carroll nodded, barely. After a moment,
he said, "Sara I . . ." He stopped and surveyed her
thoughtfully.
Sara laid her hand on his arm. "What
is it, Dr. Carroll?"
The corners of his mouth turned up a tiny
bit, as if he couldn't quite bring himself to smile. "There's so much I'd
like to talk to you about, but sadly, this isn't the time."
Sara couldn't help but be curious. He
seemed so serious. She didn't want to press him, but she didn't want him to
feel as if she didn't care either. "Perhaps when we get to Eden."
"Perhaps. Are you getting
excited?"
Sara smiled and relaxed, dipping her spoon
into her frozen yogurt. "I've been excited for months! Or couldn't you
tell?"
*
Trendaul came home from an unusual day at
the temple to find Teri on the verge of laughter and tears. She threw her arms
around him and squeezed. "She's softening, Tren! This morning she didn't
just talk to me, she confided in me,
something she's been holding inside for six years. And she cried. She laid her
head on the table and sobbed like a baby."
Trendaul pulled away from Teri enough so
that he could look at her. "She sobbed? Sara?" Could it be possible? Could Sara really be coming back
to them?
Trendaul wondered what kind of secret would
have come out with so much emotion, but he didn't press Teri for details he
knew she wouldn't give. His hope grew as the afternoon waned.
When Sara didn't come home from work at the
time she was supposed to, however, a feeling of dread stifled Trendaul's hope.
Something was wrong. He called the health club and found out that Sara had left
more than an hour before.
After Trendaul put the phone in its cradle
on the kitchen desk, he heard the front door slam shut. He and Teri looked at
each other anxiously, then stepped into the hall. Sara tossed her backpack into
the closet and hung up her jacket. "Where have you been, Sara?"
Trendaul asked gently.
Sara straightened and turned to him, her
expression cool. "What is this? An interrogation?"
Trendaul glanced at Teri. She watched Sara
cautiously. "We were worried about you."
Sara
shrugged as she moved toward the stairs. "I don't know why. All I did was
go have yogurt with a friend." She disappeared, her feet light on the
stairs above him.
"Something happened, Tren."
Trendaul heard the upstairs floorboards
squeak in the vicinity of the master bedroom. Teri pushed past him and ran down
the hall and up the stairs. Trendaul followed in strides.
Sara came out of the bedroom, carrying her
computer and phone, and tried to push past Teri to get to her own bedroom. Teri,
though, wouldn't budge. She gripped Sara's shoulders and gazed at her in
determination. "Please talk to us, Sara."
Sara tried to shake Teri's hands away.
"Get your hands off of me!"
"Not until you tell us who you've been
with the last hour."
"You'll just get angry at me! I'm
tired of your abuse."
Trendaul stopped on the stair below the
landing, consumed by frustration. "It was Barbara Carroll, wasn't
it."
Sara's looked at him in astonishment.
"No! I haven't met with Sister Carroll more than twice in my life. Dr.
Carroll was the one I was with."
Trendaul was certain he hadn't heard Sara
correctly. Teri pulled her hands away from Sara's shoulders, staring at her in
horror and grief.
"He's the one I know." Sara shook
her head, her cheeks flushed and her eyes brilliant. "He's so amazing! He
sensed that I was confused and drove all the way over here to talk to me."
Trendaul sagged against the wall. Sara's
situation was far worse than he had believed. Benjamin Carroll was doing everything
in his power to make sure she didn't change her mind about going to Eden.
Trendaul could think of only one thing that would motivate the man to take such
a personal interest in his little girl.
Teri gazed at Sara with surprising empathy.
"He isn't who he looks like, Sara."
"What . . . do you
mean?"
"You know what I mean. Please be careful. We know you wouldn't
want to get romantically involved with a married man, even
unintentionally."
Sara groaned and rolled her eyes. "Not
you too!"
Teri wouldn't let it go. "Who, Sara?
Who else? The bishop?"
Bishop Lanham had to have a reason for
suspecting Benjamin Carroll was pursuing his daughter. What else had happened? Dear Father, Trendaul begged, what am I supposed to do? Why hasn't that man
been excommunicated?
Sara was usually skilled at dealing with
men, a talent acquired through summers of being the companion of David and his
friends. Despite the difference in their ages, Sara had always been David's
equal, and Trendaul had long believed that if Sara could handle David, she
could handle any man. David, though, as overbearing as he could be, was as
guileless as Sara and so were his friends. Benjamin Carroll was a different
breed--a sophisticated hypocrite. The threat from him was too subtle. By the
time Sara woke up to what was going on, it might be too late. Dear Father, how do I save my daughter?
Sara shook her head at Teri. "You're
all wrong! It isn't like that!"
"What is it like?"
Trendaul's first thought was that he should
give Benjamin Carroll's bishop a call, then his wife. After that, he would pay
a visit to the man himself. Trendaul's second thought, far more compelling than
the first, was that he should let it go, that he should let her go; she had moved beyond his reach.
Trendaul struggled against this thought--it seemed too wrong--and then the
third thought came, even more compelling than the other two. The Lord was aware
of Sara's danger and had provided an escape for her.
A new vision of Sara's future burst into
Trendaul's mind, stunning him with its brilliancy. The solution was so simple
Trendaul wanted to laugh at himself for not seeing it sooner. Sara's life on
Eden would be turbulent but happy, provided she was sensible enough to make her
escape when the opportunity presented itself. All Trendaul could do now was
prepare her for what was coming.
Sara glared at Teri. "You can think
what you want, but you can't stop me from going to Eden."
Trendaul stepped up to the landing and
rested his hand on Sara's arm. "We know." He didn't dare look at
Teri, afraid she would be angry with him for giving in so easily. He would
explain everything to her later. "There's only one thing I'm afraid we'll
have to insist on. We want to be with you Sunday when you sustain your new
bishop."
David Pierce lifted Sara out of the van and
heaved her over his shoulder like a duffel bag, Sara's brothers and sisters
cheering him on.
"Go Navy!"
"Go Uncle David!"
"What do you think you're doing,
David?" Sara demanded. David and his midshipmen friends Dan, Mike, and Tim
had attended church with Sara and her family that morning. She knew they were
excited about the Naval Academy's win over Georgia Tech the day before, but
this was going too far.
"We're taking you to Bancroft Hall,
where you will be our guest for a few days."
Before Sara could completely comprehend Tim's
statement, she felt David's arm clamp down around her thighs as he strode across
the lawn, heading for the street, flanked by Dan, Mike, and Tim. She couldn't
go to Annapolis. She was leaving for Eden the next morning.
Sara kicked him again and again, but he
didn't flinch. "You can't do this, David! You have no right!" She
tried to twist herself out of David's grip. "I'm not a plebe you can order
around!" David's arm didn't budge.
"We're not going to let you go to Eden
and ruin your life!" Mike said.
"I'll report you to the
superintendent!" Sara screamed as she struggled. "You'll all get
expelled!"
David chuckled wickedly, tightening his
hold on Sara. "And just who will he believe? His brigade commander, or a
hysterical girl?"
"You'll be forced to enlist in Star
Force and be ordered around by those Federalist worms you so despise!"
"Even your parents will side with
me!"
This was absurd! David hadn't become the
highest-ranking midshipman by doing things like hiding young civilian women in
his quarters. "You are answerable to the Honor Concept, Midshipman Pierce!"
"And if the truth is ever told, it'll
be too late for you!" Dan said.
Sara felt sick. David had always been so
scrupulous that none of the officers would ever believe he would do something
so outrageous. If he wanted to hold her prisoner in Bancroft Hall until the
shuttle to the Eden transport left Earth, he could do it, and no one who
mattered would ever know.
Off to the side Sara heard her mother say
with that familiar tone of command, "Put her down, David. None of us want
her to go, but this isn't the way."
"It's just going to have to be the
way, Teri, since your husband is too spineless to do what needs to be
done!"
A door opened on David's car. Certainly he
wouldn't really go through with it. Not David, who would rather die than ever
disobey an order or be anything but perfect. Still, Sara couldn't be sure. She
said in desperation, "I'll stay home and not go to Eden if you'll go home
to Kansas City."
All of a sudden David released his hold on
Sara and allowed her to slide off his shoulder and onto her feet. His hazel
eyes stared down at her in protest. "You know I can't do that."
Sara knew she had struck a nerve. "I
mean it, David. If you go home, I'll stay home." She had no doubt she
would be leaving for Eden the next day.
"I have a duty to my brigade and to my
country!"
David was scrupulous and exceptionally
driven by duty as it was. Sometimes Sara thought the Navy had turned him into a
monster. She rolled her eyes. "Well aren't you the perfect poster boy for
the Nationalists."
David grabbed Sara's shoulders and gave her
a shake. "I will do my duty to
my brigade."
Sara gave up a smile, finding it impossible
to stay angry with him. David might be uptight, but he was sincere. "Of
course you will. And I'll go to Eden."
David released Sara's shoulders. "You
don't have the commitment to the Eden Colony that I have to the Navy," he
said quietly. "You know that if I resign now, I could be sent anywhere. At
least here I'm near Teri and your father."
"Until they move to Kansas City."
Sara reached into the left pocket of his suit jacket, where he kept pieces of
chocolate for young women.
David glanced at Sara's parents
thoughtfully, then shook his head. "No. They'll have a house in Kensington
soon. Your father is tied to this area for some reason."
Sara longed to discuss all of the new
things she had learned about herself and her father with David but knew it was
not her place to divulge her father's secret. She popped a piece of chocolate
into her mouth, shrugging. "He's probably waiting to get a visit from his
long-lost brother, or something."
David looked at her strangely. "What
are you talking about? Your father has no family."
"That's what you think. They're just
so far away we've never met them. Why don't you ask him about it
sometime."
Sara thought about how easily her father
talked with all of the midshipmen David brought to their home and how
interested he always was in their classes, their cruises, their families, and
their traditions. She remembered how fascinated he had been when they had taken
a tour of the Naval Academy so many years ago and how David had ignored her
that day and had become her father's little shadow. No one in her mother's
family had ever understood why David felt so driven to be a naval officer, but
now she did. He had been inadvertently influenced in that direction by her
father. Sara thought David deserved to know.
David turned again to look at Sara's
parents, his curiosity piqued. "Hey, Teri," he called. "I'm
spending the night."
*
Sara walked past the flagpole at the
Washington, D.C. Stake Center in Kensington, Maryland as she approached the
door, buoyant with excitement. For the first time she would see the members of
the colony as a group and sustain Dr. Carroll as her new bishop. Most
satisfying of all, her parents and David were there to witness her triumph.
David's classmates had gone back to Annapolis.
As Sara stepped into the foyer, she turned
sharply to the left and saw Cameron Carroll standing at the chapel doors with
his mother, waiting to greet people as they entered. Sara was so shocked that
she couldn't move forward another step.
Cameron couldn't be there. He was in China.
What had he done to get sent home from his mission? Was he ill? The camel-brown
suit didn't fit him as immaculately as Sara remembered. It was loose, as if he
had lost weight. That didn't mean he was ill, though. He hadn't been in
training for two years at least, so perhaps it was inevitable that he would now
have the svelte body of a runner rather than the muscular body of a sprinter.
Sister Barbara Thomassen Carroll extended
her hand to Sara's parents, greeting them graciously. Sara's mind was too
distracted to assimilate what was being said, but after a moment, Cameron
abruptly turned his attention from them to her, his eyes immobile with
incredulity and his lips parted in horror.
Sara wasn't sure whether all of her dreams
were coming true, or all of her nightmares. The great Cameron Carroll recognized
her in a significant way, but on recognizing her was reacting with horror, not
happiness. Sara averted her gaze, feeling queasy. Why hadn't they come in on
the other side of the building? She had to move, but couldn't.
Cameron's golden-brown eyebrows drew
together, as if he were puzzled. He raised his hand toward her and moved his
finger slightly, as if he were motioning her to approach him. Her hand felt
like granite as she lifted it to her heart with a touch. She raised her
eyebrows and mouthed the word, "Me?" He nodded once at her, still
gazing at her over her mother's shoulder.
Sara slowly walked toward Cameron. As she
approached the chapel, she realized the hymn "If You Could Hie to
Kolob" was being played on the piano. Sister Carroll took her hand in
greeting, still speaking to her father. "So many preparations to make! And
my son chooses to hide out in the temple all week."
"I can't think of a better way to
prepare to go to Eden," her father observed.
"I think you've seen him more than I
have."
Any other time Sara would have been
concerned that her father would say something to embarrass her, but Cameron
Carroll consumed her attention. Sara couldn't move her eyes away from his.
"You . . . you know me?" she whispered. Those
long-lashed aqua eyes were even more beautiful than she remembered, especially
now that they were fixed on her.
Cameron's flushed face relaxed a little,
and he looked as though he were on the verge of smiling. "The queen is
puzzled her subject knows her?"
Before Sara could ask Cameron what he
meant, Sister Carroll said, squeezing her hand, "It's good to see you
again, Sara! We're pleased to welcome you into the Colony."
Sara reluctantly turned her attention to
Sister Carroll, aware that Cameron was still staring at her. She was both
uncomfortable and dying of curiosity. "I'm thrilled to be here."
Sister Carroll smiled knowingly and laid
Sara's hand in Cameron's. Only now did Sara notice Sister Carroll's perfectly
manicured hands, with their luxurious gold rings and nails painted creamy
apricot to match her blouse. Sara and Cameron shook hands as expected. "I
would introduce you to my son Cameron, but it appears you already know each
other."
Cameron's hand was hot and trembling.
"Actually, this is the first time we've ever met."
"That's interesting," David
observed in a tone that said, "I'd better know everything about this guy
before the day's over." Sara could almost see him look at her mother with
raised eyebrows.
The intensity of emotion Sara felt in
Cameron's touch confused her. For the time being he seemed as excited to touch
her as he had been horrified to see her only moments before. One thing was
certain--seeing her disturbed him. What did it mean? She had never felt so self-conscious.
She tried to withdraw her hand, but Cameron's grip tightened.
"I saw Cameron for the first time at a
regional dance," Sara said to Sister Carroll, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Sara was always the dance
queen," Cameron explained. "At every dance she would ask virtually
every guy there to dance at least once at some point in the evening."
"Then you have met," Sister
Carroll said, her lips touched with a smile. She glanced toward Sara's mother,
her golden-brown brows lifting briefly.
"No," Cameron said carefully,
watching Sara's face with curiosity. His voice sounded strained as he said,
"When I said virtually, I meant virtually."
"That is interesting," Sara's
father commented.
Of course, Sara had never asked anyone Cameron
was standing around with on any given evening to dance either, but apparently
she hadn't been subtle enough in her exclusion. Cameron had noticed that in
four years attending youth dances she had asked every boy in his stake to dance
but him.
Sara felt David's eyes burning a hole in
the side of her head. Thankfully he didn't say anything. Sara wanted to run and
hide in the car until the meeting was underway. She would slip in, sit at the
back, and sustain the new bishop unnoticed. Eventually, however, she knew she
would have to face Cameron Carroll. With this knowledge, she collected her wits
and determined to get into the chapel with as much dignity as possible.
"If I was the queen of dance, then
Cameron was the king of class," Sara explained to Sister Carroll. "If
I had had more class myself, perhaps I could have worked up the nerve to ask
him to dance."
"Since when did you become such a
coward?" David said in disbelief.
Sara shot a glare at David. Then to Sister
Carroll's amazement and Cameron's shock, she bowed her head to Cameron and kissed
his hand. "Forgive me, your majesty. I was concerned at the time that I'd
make a complete fool of myself. Obviously my concern was justified." As
she lifted her head she noticed the clip on his aqua tie displaying three
Chinese characters; she assumed that they, in some fashion, stood for
"CTR" or "Choose the Right."
When Sara looked at Cameron's face again,
she shrugged slightly and smiled tentatively, begging him with her eyes not to
think she was too much of an idiot. The flush in his cheeks deepened, bleeding
into the tips of his ears. Had he been anyone but Cameron Carroll, he would
have looked ridiculous.
Sara realized that Cameron wasn't as
polished and as sure of himself as she had always believed. His little-boy
uneasiness made him seem real and accessible, warming her all over. She
squeezed his hand and withdrew hers with a smile. "I'm glad to finally
meet you, Cameron."
Sister Carroll gazed keenly at Sara,
directing her words at Sara's mother. "You have a beautiful daughter,
Sister Alexander, and she has quite a bit more savoir-faire than she thinks she
does."
"I always thought so."
Sara felt her mother's hand on her back,
pushing her toward the chapel. She moved forward in relief. She heard her
father behind her say: "You're a good man, Cameron. I wish things could be
different for you."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Cameron
said, his voice an agonized whisper.
Sara finally awoke to the fact that her
father and Cameron had met in the temple the previous week. She didn't think it
was strange--her father was always meeting interesting people in the
temple--but it did make her uncomfortable. What had they talked about? Sara
wondered how her father would answer Cameron now. Why hadn't he told Cameron
that she was going to Eden too? Did her father still think she would change her
mind?
"I don't know. For some reason I just
couldn't."
"Perhaps it's better this way. Thank
you for everything, Brother Alexander."
As
Sara entered the chapel she observed, in surprise, that Tony Wright was the one
playing "If You Could Hie to Kolob" on the piano. He was wearing a
pale gray suit that he had jazzed up with a bright blue shirt, and he had
trimmed his light brown beard. The piano was located in an unusual position, at
the front of the platform and to her far left.
Before anything else could register, Sara
felt a hand on her elbow. She turned to face Cameron Carroll again. He smiled,
and Sara thought she would melt right there on the spot. "The king
requests a private audience with the queen."
Sara motioned her parents and David to go
on without her. They did so with interest as she allowed Cameron to guide her
through the overflow area behind the chapel and into the cultural hall.
Once they were standing alone amid rows of
empty chairs, Cameron gazed at Sara gravely. "Why are you here,
Sara?"
What an odd question! "To sustain a
bishop with the other colonists. Why did you think?"
"I don't understand why you're going
to Eden at all."
What was he asking? Did he doubt her
qualifications? "It's an incredible opportunity. I'm going to study
journalism with your mother. She interviewed me herself."
"It doesn't disturb you that the
prophet has counseled members of the Church to remain on Earth and have no
contact whatsoever with the Zarrists?"
Cameron's question dumbfounded her. He
could have been reciting a script written by her father or Bishop Lanham. She
tried to tear her eyes away from his but couldn't. He gazed at her probingly,
as if he were trying to analyze thoughts and feelings even she didn't realize
she possessed yet.
"Well?" Cameron persisted.
Sara surprised herself by saying,
"Yes. I guess it does. A little."
"Then why are you here?"
Sara loosened her muscles in an attempt to
relax and compose herself. She reminded herself that Nephi had been disturbed
when the Spirit had told him to kill Laban. Of course he had been disturbed.
But killing Laban had been the right thing to do. "Why are you?"
"You didn't answer my question."
"And you didn't answer mine."
The corner of Cameron's mouth lifted in a
wry little smile. "It seems my family needs me."
Sara still wondered why he wasn't in China.
"Is that why you came home?"
"Apparently so."
"Apparently?
Don't you know?"
"I didn't come home. I was called home."
Cameron was trying to tell her something,
and Sara knew she wasn't getting it. "I don't understand."
"You will. Why are you here?"
"Because I believe in your father's
vision of Zion."
"My father isn't a prophet."
"But he is a great leader and a
righteous man."
"How do you know he's righteous?"
"What an odd thing for you to
say!"
"No it isn't. How do you know what's
in my father's heart?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Things aren't always what they
seem."
"Your father is no hypocrite!"
"Perhaps not, but a well-meaning
person can be confused."
Sara didn't like Cameron's attitude. He
reminded her too much of her father. "Why don't you just come right out
and call your father an apostate? Perhaps our new ward should be called the
Eden Colony Ward of Apostates. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and
put yourself at the top of the list of apostates, since, unless I've
misunderstood you, you're planning to go to Eden with the rest of us!"
Cameron stepped away from Sara as if
struck. "Don't do this, Sara. Don't go to Eden." Anguish saturated
his voice. "Please."
"Obviously you're the one who's the
hypocrite!" Sara spun around and strode back into the chapel and toward
the pew where her parents and David were sitting near the front of the chapel.
Tony looked her way as he finished "If You Could Hie to Kolob" and
made a face. He leaned back with his hands in the air, as if he wanted to say,
"Ouch! Who bit you? Don't you come near me!" Sara shook her head at
him and rolled her eyes. He grinned and began playing a perky "There Is
Sunshine in My Soul Today."
"What did Cameron want?" Sara's
mother whispered as Sara sat down.
"To tell me I should follow the
counsel of the prophet and stay on Earth." Of all the nerve! Cameron wasn't
her father. Or her bishop. She barely even knew him.
"And you, of course, berated
him," David whispered pleasantly.
"What else could I have done? What a
hypocrite!"
"Lower your voice!" her mother
said. "And what's wrong with you, anyway? Haven't you noticed? He's crazy
about you!"
"No, just crazy!" Cameron really
was the family lunatic!
Sara's father leaned forward and whispered,
"Cameron isn't a hypocrite, and he isn't crazy. He's a righteous young man
who knows that going to Eden is wrong."
Sara did not like her father's implication
that Cameron was righteous and she was not. "If he really feels that way,
then he should stay here. Obviously he's not only a hypocrite, but a coward who
doesn't have the backbone to stand up to his parents."
Sara's mother shook her head in
exasperation. "You're the one who's crazy, Sara!"
Sara's father turned and looked
thoughtfully at the back of the chapel. Sara followed the line of his vision
and saw Cameron in the cultural hall where she had left him, standing by
himself with an arm folded over his waist and his face bowed into his hand. Her
father said with feeling, "You're wrong about Cameron, Sara. You of all
people ought to know what that boy is made of; you've been studying him long
enough."
Sara instantly felt ashamed. Her father was
right; Cameron was as determined as anyone she had ever known and had never
been a coward. Her mother was right also; she really was crazy. She had wanted
to know Cameron for six years, and the first time she talked with him she had
practically yelled at him! His feelings about Eden surprised her, but they
changed nothing. She still loved him, and he liked her too, enough that her
criticism had hurt him. What was wrong with her?
Cameron seemed now to be struggling with an
enormous burden, and Sara perceived that he was going to Eden out of a sense of
duty, not desire. Her anger disappeared. She wondered what was going on inside
of his head. Before Sara knew what she was doing, she stood up and wound her
way to the cultural hall. When she was standing in front of Cameron, she held
out her hand to him and said lightly, "Would you like to dance?"
Cameron looked up at her abruptly, his eyes
wary, but he played along. He took her hand and drew her closer. "I was
hoping you would ask."
Sara couldn't restrain her curiosity.
"If you wanted to dance with me, why didn't you ask?"
Cameron shrugged, ever so slightly. "I
didn't think you wanted to dance with me."
His response astonished Sara. Was he really
so modest? Or was he naïve? "How could any girl not want to dance with
you?"
Cameron looked from one side to the other,
then turned slightly and looked over his shoulder. "I don't see any
monsters here. Nothing to frighten anyone."
"You're right, and I don't see any
now, but at the time you always seemed so . . ." Sara
paused, searching for the right word. "Urbane." She held out the side
of her denim skirt with the hand that wasn't holding Cameron's, painfully aware
of her bright pink knit shirt and black vinyl shoes purchased at a discount
store. She had attempted to buy a suit once but had known she would never wear
it when she saw her reflection in the mirror. "And I'm
so . . ."
"Beautiful," Cameron said softly,
taking her other hand in his.
Cameron's sweet-tempered sincerity charmed
Sara. She owed him the truth, as difficult as it was to admit. "I don't
think I was afraid of you personally. As far as I can tell, you've never been
unkind to anyone. It wasn't that."
She lowered her eyes and her voice. "I
think it was that I couldn't bear the thought that you, of all people, would
treat me like one of the guys." Talking about her inadequacies was even
more painful than she had thought it would be. "I . . . I
didn't know to dress . . . or act . . . to make
it otherwise."
Sara's eyes followed her hand as Cameron
lifted it to his lips. He gazed at her over her knuckles, his eyes earnest.
"A servant would treat his beautiful queen as one of the guys?
Unthinkable."
He was almost too nice, which made Sara
feel more ashamed than ever for the way she had spoken to him before. "Oh,
Cameron . . . I'm so sorry for calling you an apostate and a
hypocrite. You caught me off guard, but that was no excuse."
Cameron smiled, lowering her hand. "I
forgive you. Now will you stay?"
"No. I'm afraid you're stuck with
me."
"There's nothing I can say that will
persuade you."
"Not a thing. If you don't believe me,
ask my parents. You seem to know my father well enough." She looked at him
expectantly.
"Yes, I did meet your father last
week. And yes, I knew he was your father. And yes, he did know who I was. He
remembered me from all of the track meets and assumed you and I were friends.
And no, I'm not going to tell you any more about it. Not yet. He did tell me,
though, that you placed third in the 200 and seventh in the 100 at the NCAA
championships." He released her hands and gave her a thumbs-up. "You're
incredible! Congratulations!"
"Thanks! It was an incredible
opportunity. It felt strange your not being there too."
"It's enough for me that you were
there. I was where I wanted and needed to be. It was thrilling, Sara! China is
literally exploding with the Spirit right now! It was a glorious thing to be a
part of, and I wouldn't trade my experience for anything."
Sara smiled and nodded, shivering with
admiration. "I know." She knew the Beijing Temple had been dedicated
a mere month before; the Shanghai Temple would be dedicated that week.
"Did you get a chance to go to the temple there before you left?"
"I did. I was able to attend the
dedication and go through a session. I attended several sealings also, for
people I had baptized early in my mission." Cameron sat down in a folding
chair.
Sara automatically sat down next to him.
"How long have you been home?"
"I flew into Baltimore on
Monday." To Sara's amazement, Cameron took her hand in his again. Could it
be true? Was it possible Cameron Carroll wanted her to be more than just a
friend?
Cameron's fingers caressed the back of her
hand. "Do you mind?" He was so close that Sara could see the perfect
purity of the aqua in his eyes. Not one tiny fleck marred the clarity of the
color. They were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.
Sara smiled and shook her head. He smiled,
and she blushed, unable to restrain herself from whispering what was in her
heart, "I've missed you so much, Cameron."
"I've missed you too, Sara."
Tony began playing "Love One
Another" with embellishments and passion. Realizing that he had just
finished played "Love One Another" in the normal way, Sara abruptly
turned toward him. He looked right at her and grinned, or appeared to anyway.
He was far enough away that she couldn't be sure.
"The pianist seems to be amused that
we . . . uh . . . know each other so well,"
Cameron observed. "He must be a friend of yours."
Sara nodded. "His name is Tony
Wright."
"Tony Wright?" Cameron said
thoughtfully, looking toward the piano again. "How do you know him?"
Sara explained about the Don Pablo's group
and all the time she had spent online talking with the other colonists. "I
have a confession to make," she said cautiously. "I've read all of
your e-mails."
Cameron appeared puzzled. "E-mails?"
"The e-mails you sent to your family
while you were on your mission. They're on your family's web site. Didn't you
know?"
"I'd forgotten. I never had time to
look at the web site." Cameron gazed at Sara tenderly. "You read all
of them?"
Sara nodded. She wasn't ready yet to tell
him that she had practically memorized them.
"And you were surprised by my feelings
about Eden?"
"The e-mails I read said nothing about
Eden." Tony finished "Love One Another" and began playing
"I Stand All Amazed."
Cameron shook his head. "It figures my
father wouldn't have included those."
His fingers began trembling as he stroked her hand. "I'm thrilled you
would want to read my e-mails. I wish I had known you were interested. I would
have written to you directly."
The thought was too wonderful to believe.
"Really?"
"You doubt?" Cameron squeezed
Sara's hand. "I guess, then, I'd better make my confession. I used to read
all of the Carroll County newspapers online, looking for information about
you." He reached into a pocket in his pants and brought out his wallet,
which required some awkward maneuvering since he didn't want to let go of her
while he did it. He opened it and pulled two laminated pictures out of the bill
holder and handed them to her.
Sara looked at the two pictures in shock.
Both were newspaper pictures of her that had been printed out on the computer.
One was her senior picture, and the other was of her after she had finished her
state championship run of the 100 as a junior. She handed the pictures back to
him, her eyes meeting his again in awe.
Cameron dropped the pictures into his shirt
pocket. "Do you still doubt?"
Sara shook her head, barely, feeling as if
her life had been turned inside out. A few minutes of unreserved conversation
had clarified the status of her relationship with Cameron. They were already
more than friends and had been for a long time.
"When I found out I was going to
Eden," Cameron said, "I knew I would never see you again. I thought
it would be better if I threw the pictures away, but I couldn't bring myself to
do it."
His feelings, so like hers, inspired her to
find her voice. "I finally told my mom. It was my way, I guess, of
throwing you out of my heart. It might have worked."
Cameron smiled. "I'm glad it didn't."
A family sat down in the overflow area not
far from where Sara and Cameron were sitting. Sara leaned toward Cameron and
said in a low voice, "It looks as though our privacy's being invaded. It
must be about time to go in."
Cameron glanced at his watch, then tugged
on her hand. "You're right," he said reluctantly. "It is
time." Once they were on their feet, he held out his arm to her.
"Please lead me to the dance floor, fair queen."
Sara took Cameron's arm in delight and
walked back into the chapel with him. Tony raised an eyebrow at Sara, cocking
his head at Cameron in interest while he finished played "I Stand All
Amazed." As Sara and Cameron sat down in her family's pew, Tony started
playing "Choose the Right." Cameron removed the Chinese CTR clip from
his tie and held it up for Tony to see, then clipped it onto the neckline of
Sara's shirt. Tony smiled, nodding his approval.
Sara wanted to laugh. "Don't tell me
you're one of those returned missionaries who supposedly proposes on the first
date."
The corner of Cameron's mouth lifted in a
mischievous way. "Perhaps we should take a walk to the temple. That way I
could do it properly."
A hand rested on Cameron's shoulder from
behind. Sara looked up and saw Dr. Carroll standing in the aisle, regarding
them curiously.
"Son, I can't tell you how intrigued I
am to see you on such friendly terms with one of the brightest of Eden's young
stars." Dr. Carroll moved into the pew in front of them, knelt forward,
and held his hand out to Sara.
Sara took Dr. Carroll's hand, leaning
forward a little. "Good evening, Dr. Carroll."
"Why didn't you tell me, Sara, that
you were so well acquainted with Cameron?" Tony finished playing a verse
of "Choose the Right" and began playing another.
Sara could scarcely contain her happiness.
"Cameron and I seem to have done the impossible. We've become quite well
acquainted without ever speaking to each other."
"You had never spoken to each other
before today?"
"I didn't think she liked me."
"I didn't think he knew I
existed."
Dr. Carroll patted Sara's hand. "You're
telling me that had my son not been so bashful, you and I would have had the
pleasure of getting to know each other years ago?"
Sara withdrew her hand and relaxed against
the pew. "Cameron was always so dazzling. He made me bashful."
Dr. Carroll laughed under his breath.
"You bashful, Sara? I don't believe it."
Sara turned so that she could face Cameron.
"When did you realize I existed,
Cameron?"
"My first youth dance. You were so
beautiful that you dazzled me,
Sara."
"Why didn't you ask her to
dance?"
Cameron turned to his father with a little
shrug. "I thought she was seventeen."
"Really?" Sara said in
astonishment.
"You were so . . .
well, you looked seventeen, and it
didn't occur to me that a girl barely fourteen would feel so comfortable asking
juniors and seniors to dance."
"Oh that was nothing! You have to
understand, I've spent my life hanging out with a guy three years older than I
am." Sara elbowed David.
Cameron laughed softly; Dr. Carroll
chuckled. Tony finished playing "Choose the Right" and searched for
another hymn.
"My uncle, Dr. Carroll, David
Pierce." Sara hoped she wouldn't have to introduce Dr. Carroll to her
parents. They were so disgusted with him that she wasn't sure they could speak
to him civilly.
David shook Dr. Carroll's hand, then
elbowed Sara. "I taught Sara everything she's knows, didn't I, Sara."
Sara grunted. "Hardly! I taught you
how to run."
"I taught you how to hit a baseball
and skate."
"I taught you how to shoot baskets and
dance."
Dr. Carroll watched their game with
interest. When Tony began playing "Love at Home," Cameron laughed. He
must have thought he was being too loud, because he quickly stopped himself.
"I didn't
teach her how to kiss."
Sara made a face. "Don't be
gross!"
David gave Sara a little shove in Cameron's
direction. "That honor obviously belongs to you, Cameron."
Sara felt a hand squeeze her shoulder, and
heard Dr. Carroll say with a chuckle as he walked away, "I think it's more
likely Little Cougar will be giving lessons to him."
Cameron tensed, his hand involuntarily
tightening on Sara's arm. Nobody said anything for many moments.
David finally broke the silence. "That
comment was completely disgusting. He flatters you, Sara, and in the same
breath humiliates his son. What kind of father does that?"
"Don't be absurd, David. It was a
joke!"
"Then why aren't any of us
laughing?"
"Dr. Carroll would never intentionally
humiliate anyone."
"You mark my words, moron. That man is
a tyrant, and he's going to grind your face into the dirt. I'm sorry, Cameron.
I know he's your father, and I'm sure it pains you to hear the truth spoken so
bluntly, but someone has to pound some sense into Sara."
Cameron moved closer to Sara to talk to
David. "I almost pity my father. I wouldn't want you to be my enemy."
The wonderful feel and smell of him so overwhelmed Sara that she thought she
might hyperventilate. She was surprised to find that Cameron's hair smelled
like plain old dandruff shampoo. His father always smelled expensive.
David leaned a little more toward Cameron,
lowering his voice. "Dr. Expert Psychologist obviously knows nothing about
how Sara interacts with men, Cameron, so don't let what he said disturb
you." Tony began playing a new hymn, and David softly sang along:
"Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom
fly . . ." David sat back against the pew. "Your
pianist friend is merciless, Sara. I like him."
Before Sara could reply, Cameron pulled her
to her feet as he stood. The rumble of voices in the chapel faded as President
William Grant of the First Presidency of the Church entered with Presidents
Rowe and Damazo of the Washington, D.C. Temple Community presidency. They took
their seats on the stand immediately instead of lingering in the aisles to
shake hands.
Sara was still amazed a member of the First
Presidency of the Church was there in person to organize their new ward. By the
time President Grant had come to the pulpit to start the meeting, everyone was
seated and silent.
President Grant announced that the opening
song would be "I Believe in Christ" and introduced Tony and the
chorister, a tall, light-haired guy named Brent Hall. Sara whispered to
Cameron, "I met Brent when I was at BYU."
"Where's he from?"
"Layton, Utah. He and Tony must have
been called into the elders quorum presidency or something. How else would
President Grant know them?" She removed a hymnbook from the holder on the
pew in front of her.
"Perhaps they're in the bishopric,"
Cameron whispered.
"Yeah, right! Tony's only twenty-four,
and Brent's twenty-one!" Sara began flipping through the hymnbook to find
the song.
"If the Lord can call young men to be
prophets, why not members of a bishopric?"
It should have been a joke, but Cameron's
tone was too serious. And he was right. The names of many young prophets came
immediately into Sara's mind. Enoch, Joseph, Samuel, and Daniel. Nephi, Jacob,
and Mormon. Joseph Smith. John the Baptist and the Lord himself, who had been
far more than a prophet. Sara leaned a little closer to Cameron. "You
really think it's possible Tony could have been called into the
bishopric?"
Cameron nodded a little, appearing as
disconcerted as she felt. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something,
then closed it again. He reached out to help Sara hold the hymnbook, a gesture
that ended up being nothing more than an excuse to maintain his hold on her
hand. The eagerness of his touch sent shivers through Sara and made her light-headed.
He certainly wasn't being bashful tonight! Her eyes followed the words and
music of the song, but Cameron's presence so consumed her that she couldn't
sing more than a few measures. Cameron didn't sing much either.
After the song, Russ Brodsky gave the
opening prayer. Sara didn't need to hear his name announced to know who he was.
He looked just like his video image, with rich olive skin, dark eyes, and curly
dark brown hair that fell loosely on his forehead. "Russ is your mother's
other protégé," Sara whispered to Cameron. "He's from Chicago."
"Do you know him?"
"I've never met him in person, but I've
communicated with him online often. Not as often as with Tony, though."
"Did you and Tony ever go out?"
"No. I'm not sure why, because we get
along amazingly well. I guess it never felt right to either one of us."
When President Grant came to the pulpit
again, he said, "Because we as the First Presidency are concerned that
nearly all of you have been deceived and truly do not comprehend the danger of
your course, we are organizing the Eden Colony Ward. The Eden Colony Ward will
not be affiliated with a stake or district but will be under the direct
authority of the First Presidency. The ward organization will give you both spiritual
and physical protection and will enable you to repent of your rebellion against
the Lord's authorized priesthood leaders."
Cameron's arm was still resting against
Sara's, his fingers intertwined with hers, so evidently he wasn't planning to
leave the meeting, despite his reservations about going to Eden. She glanced at
him. He appeared to be watching his parents, who were sitting with his sister
and two younger brothers to his left and forward a couple of rows.
President Grant's voice softened. "We
do realize that there are a few of you who would remain on Earth were your
spouses not determined to go to Eden. Those of you who are in that position
know who you are. We realize the difficulties you're facing and pray the Lord
will comfort you. Aside from you, there is only one adult member of the Eden
Colony who has not been deceived and who is not guilty of rebellion, a young
man who is blameless in every way. The Lord, in His infinite mercy, has
inspired our prophet to personally call this dedicated young man to be your
bishop."
President Grant startled Sara by looking
straight at her, or so it seemed. He held out his hand and said affectionately,
"Come on up here, Cameron. The time has arrived."
Stupefied, Sara turned to Cameron. He
regarded at her in a cautious, almost guilty way. He mouthed to her, "Wait
for me after the meeting."
Sara could do nothing but nod as he strode
to the pulpit. Never in a million years would she have suspected Cameron Carroll
would be made the bishop of the Eden Colony Ward. He was far too young, for one
thing, and unmarried. Who had ever heard of a bishop who wasn't married?
Something inside of her said that if she
and Cameron let nature take its course, Cameron wouldn't remain unmarried for
long. She shoved that feeling aside in panic. She loved him to be sure, but
they were too young to get married, and they couldn't come back to be married
in the temple for two years at least. And what was wrong with Cameron, anyway?
Why hadn't he known she would be here? Hadn't he seen a ward list?
Sara felt David rest the side of his hand
against her head. His voice quavered as he whispered, "Your bishop can't
keep his eyes off of you."
Sara turned abruptly toward David, feeling
more anxious than ever. The situation was too outrageous. David's face twitched
as he struggled to hold back his laughter. Sara whispered defensively, "I'll
have you know that I've been waiting years
for Cameron to put his eyes on me!" She knew it was a dumb thing to say as
soon as she said it, but her mind was blank to everything else.
"I wouldn't have missed this for the
world!" David leaned his head into his hands between his knees, his
shoulders shaking.
Sara raised her hand with everyone else
when Cameron was presented to be ordained a high priest and then again when he
was sustained as bishop of the Eden Colony Ward. During the proceedings Cameron's
face looked haunted, as if he were being sentenced to life in prison.
Sara's heart pounded so frantically that
her entire body felt as if it were throbbing. Why had Cameron been made the
bishop? It didn't seem right. He didn't want to go to Eden. He thought the
colonists were apostates. He was essentially an outsider and could not possibly
be effective. Dr. Carroll was the natural leader of the colony. Why hadn't he
been made the bishop? Cameron wouldn't be any more than his father's puppet,
and the thought of Cameron in that intolerable position outraged Sara as much
as anything.
Sara realized she was gritting her teeth
and made a conscious effort to relax before she ended up with a headache. She
forced herself to look away from Cameron for a moment and observe his parents.
What in the galaxy did they think of this twist of circumstance? Sara could see
enough of their faces to determine that they were as shocked as she was. Wasn't
that odd. Cameron had received this unprecedented call from the prophet himself
and hadn't told his parents! Maybe she and her father were wrong. Maybe Cameron
really was spineless.
Sara shifted her focus to Cameron again and
saw that he was gazing pleadingly at her father. Sara couldn't help but glance
at her father. Sara knew that look. It was the look he gave her when she was
getting ready to perform or compete, the look that said, "You've worked
hard for this. You are awesome. You
will triumph!" Why did it have to
be Cameron now and not her?
As much as Sara wanted her father's
approval, when she saw how Cameron blossomed under her father's gaze, she
couldn't feel envious or even irritated. She wanted nothing more than for
Cameron to be happy and to step into his new position with dignity and
self-assurance.
When Cameron's eyes finally rested on Sara,
his expression, while not one of happiness, was one of warmth. Cameron's
experiences and callings as a missionary came to her mind, and she felt as if
light were being poured into her body. She knew the Lord wanted Cameron in this
position and had prepared him for it.
The feelings of astonishment and panic
melted, and Sara smiled at Cameron. He smiled back at her, tentatively at
first, but more tenderly as he came to realize she supported the call. His gaze
became more loving, more grateful, drawing her into his heart. She couldn't
have resisted him if she had wanted to. He didn't take his eyes away from hers
the remainder of the time he stood at the pulpit next to President Grant.
By the time it occurred to Sara to wonder
whether Tony really had been called into the bishopric, Cameron sat down on the
stand next to President Damazo, and President Grant presented Tony's name along
with Brent Hall, Russ Brodsky, and eight other young men to be high priests.
Tony stood next to the piano, his face pale and solemn. She had never seen him
so serious, but after she and everyone else raised their hands to sustain him
as Cameron's first counselor, he looked directly at her and winked, the corner
of his mouth rising slightly.
Of course Tony had known the moment he had
seen her talking with Cameron that she had fallen for her new bishop and didn't
know it. No wonder he had been so amused.
David could not sit still. Sara was afraid
he might laugh out loud. He whispered to Sara again, almost unable to speak,
"What an efficient counselor, providing romantic music for the bishop and
his girlfriend to cuddle to!"
"We were not cuddling!" David dropped his head between his knees again.
Sara leaned forward and whispered into his ear. "We weren't!"
The congregation sustained Brent Hall and
Russ Brodsky as members of the bishopric along with two other young men, then
an executive secretary and several clerks.
President Grant then asked for all of the
high priests of the colony to stand and sustain the six other young men made
high priests that evening to be the high priests group leader and his five
assistants. When all of the elders in the congregation stood, Sara prepared
herself for the unexpected and listened for old men to be sustained into that
presidency.
Sara thought she should be disappointed
when it became obvious that the elders quorum presidency of the Eden Colony
Ward, with its younger men, would look like every other elders quorum
presidency in the Church except for the unusual number of counselors. The
president, though, unlike all of the other ward leaders just sustained, was a
professional in his early thirties, the colony's general physician, a
smartly-dressed African American man named Sean Marshall. Sara was relieved
that Cameron would have one person to help him, at least, who possessed
maturity and had probably served in many Church callings. Dr. Marshall was the
one man whose appearance actually fit the position.
Sara glanced around and saw strained faces
on the older members of the colony. She couldn't believe the finesse in which
Dr. Carroll and the other leaders of the colony had been so effectively shut
out of all ward leadership. The situation really was absurd. How would this
ward function with mere students counseling and issuing callings to their
government leaders and professors? The First Presidency was putting these young
men in an impossible position. There was no way it would work.
After all of the sustainings had been
completed, President Grant announced that two members of their new bishopric,
Jeffrey Winter and Steven Sanchez, would sing "I Need Thee Every
Hour," and that following their number, Bishop Carroll would speak. The
two men sang with such feeling that Brother Sanchez was in tears by the end of
the song.
Brothers Winter and Sanchez sat down in the
choir seats near Tony, and Sara watched with anxiety as Cameron came to the
microphone. "Your song was beautiful, Brother Sanchez and Brother Winter.
Thank you." His hands gripped the pulpit, his eyes glossy with
desperation. He looked as if he were preparing to hurl himself off of a cliff
rather than address a few inspiring remarks to his new ward.
"There is no reason any of us should
be here. We all know the prophet's counsel. I'm begging you. Give up your plan
to go to Eden. It isn't too late, even for those of you who have just been
called into leadership positions. Please."
Brother Sanchez arose and moved toward
Cameron. "I can't do it. I'm sorry, Bishop." Cameron nodded that he
understood, stepping forward to shake Brother Sanchez's hand. "God bless
you. Take your family and go home."
Sara watched as Brother Sanchez walked down
the aisle toward his wife and infant daughter. His wife watched him in relief.
Sara didn't think she had ever seen a woman with a baby move so fast as she
headed to the back of the chapel and the exit.
Cameron didn't speak as his eyes rested on
every adult in the room. No one spoke; no one stirred.
Finally another young couple left with
their three children. Then another family left, and another, followed by
several unmarried students. The exodus took Jeffrey Winter, Cameron's second
counselor, two members of the elders quorum presidency, an assistant to the
high priests group leader, and a couple of others who had not been given
callings. Impatience toward the dropouts seized Sara's heart. Those people had
made a commitment! What specialists would the colony now lack?
When Cameron's gaze finally found Sara's,
it lingered there for so long that many other members of the colony turned to
look at her. If Cameron only knew what going to Eden meant to her, he would not
ask her to give it up. She shook her head slightly and mouthed the words,
"I can't."
A tear glistened on Cameron's cheek.
"Please," he begged in a whisper.
Many more moments passed, and Dr. Carroll
regally arose, his voice friendly but firm: "Son, I believe I speak for
the entire colony when I say that despite the gracious concern of our Church
leaders, we will move forward with our glorious goal to create Zion on the
planet Eden."
Sara didn't know what to think of Dr.
Carroll's words. He spoke for her, but he obviously didn't speak for everyone.
She didn't think it was right that Dr. Carroll had interrupted Cameron's talk
this way. She looked to President Grant to see if he would intervene. President
Grant didn't appear to acknowledge Dr. Carroll's interruption at all; his eyes
were riveted on Cameron.
As Dr. Carroll sat down, Cameron lifted his
hand and waved it in the direction of the temple. "If here in the light of
the temple you can still choose to follow my father into
hell . . ." Cameron stopped speaking and took a tissue from
the box on the pulpit. He touched it to his cheeks with shaking hands. "I'm
certain that once we get to Eden, most of you will think I'm a pretty poor
excuse for a bishop."
Sara watched Cameron in alarm. She wasn't
sure whether she should be offended by his impertinence or filled with
trepidation by his conviction that Eden was an evil place. In the end she
decided he was afraid of going to Eden and that his fear was making him
hysterical.
"That poor boy," Sara's mother
whispered. "His parents ought to be shot."
"Nevertheless," Cameron
continued, "I will do everything in my power to lead the colony in the
direction the Lord wants it to go." He squeezed the tissue he held in his
hand again and again. "In 3 Nephi, chapter 20, verse 13 it says, 'And then
shall the remnants, which shall be scattered abroad upon the face of the earth,
be gathered in from the east and from the west, and from the south and from the
north; and they shall be brought to the knowledge of the Lord their God, who
hath redeemed them.' I promise you, those of you who will live to recognize my
authority as the Lord's representative on Eden, that when the time is right, I
will lead you back to Zion."
Cameron closed his talk and sat down, and
President Grant came to the pulpit again. "The Eden Colony Ward will be
out of contact with the leadership of the Church for a long time. Be assured
that the Lord will not permit any of the men called to preside over you to lead
you astray."
Sara shuddered. What a terrible thing to
say! Would the Lord really kill Cameron if he messed up? One look at Cameron
told her that he believed it. Surely the situation would never arise. She
couldn't believe the Church really would abandon them so heartlessly.
"Bishop Carroll understands the
seriousness of his calling and has been directed by the prophet to lead the
ward to the New Jerusalem when the Lord commands. He will present you to the
First Presidency at that time, and he and your other priesthood leaders will
report on their stewardships.
"You must keep in mind that a bishop's
authority is limited. This being the case, you will never have a temple. You
will have opportunities to baptize nonmembers, but Eden has not been dedicated
for the preaching of the gospel and you will not be permitted to engage in
active missionary work. Your bishopric and other ward priesthood leadership
will never change. Your sons will not be permitted to receive the Melchizedek
priesthood, nor will any of your children be able to receive their patriarchal
blessings. It isn't too late to change your minds."
Sara still couldn't accept the possibility
that the Church would abandon the colony that way. President Grant believed it
at the moment to be sure, but it made no sense. Hearing movement behind her,
Sara turned to see others leave, a family and several more students, including
another assistant to the high priests group leader and one of Cameron's clerks.
"To those of you who insist on going
to Eden despite our warnings, I implore you to look to your new bishop for
spiritual leadership." He turned slightly and motioned Cameron to the
pulpit again. Cameron went to stand next to President Grant, appearing
uncomfortable. "Bishop Carroll has faith, maturity, and experience beyond
his years. He served for the past eight months as a branch president in the
city Xi'an, in China. During that time he and his companion baptized hundreds
of people and helped them make arrangements to relocate to the new temple
community in Beijing."
Sara had known that people were joining the
Church in China in droves, and although she knew that much of Cameron's
teaching and baptizing had been done in large groups out of doors, he had never
mentioned numbers in his e-mails. Hearing of his success this way astounded
her.
"During the course of his
mission," President Grant continued, "your bishop has been
instrumental in providing the equivalent of a third of a stake to the Beijing
Temple Community, which in less than a year, has grown to thirty-eight stakes.
He has done phenomenal work and will serve you well if you will let him."
Cameron gazed at the floor, more
uncomfortable than ever. Sara couldn't believe how modest and self-conscious he
was. She loved him all the more for it, yet still felt ashamed that she had
never asked him to dance. Rejecting him that way must have hurt him deeply. If
only she had known!
The tone of President Grant's voice
softened, "We love you and want you to be successful. May the Lord bless
you until we meet again in Zion."
Cameron said something in President Grant's
ear. President Grant nodded, then turned toward the Carroll family and smiled.
"Ashley Carroll? Will you please come up here and lead the closing song?
We'll sing Hymn 152, 'Till We Meet Again.' President Sean Marshall will give
the benediction."
After Cameron and President Grant sat down,
Ashley Carroll came to the platform. She lifted her arm to begin directing the
music, her eyes bright with excitement.
"She's exquisite," David
whispered.
Sara smiled. David had always liked classy
blondes, and Ashley, with her contoured coral-pink dress made of silk and
flawless makeup and hair, was as beautiful and as elegantly fashionable as
young LDS women came, even if she was a little young for David.
"If you're nice to me, I'll have
Cameron introduce you."
After the song and prayer were over, Sara
stood up and stretched. It had been the strangest church meeting she had ever
attended, the most troubling as well as the most thrilling. She watched Cameron
until he looked her way. He pointed to the south foyer, and she nodded in
reply.
Once Sara and her family were in the foyer,
her father asked, "Well, what do you think of your new bishop, Sara?"
His smile was a little too pleased.
"Other than the fact she's in love
with him?" David said.
Her mother smiled knowingly. "Other
than that."
Sara pursed her lips to keep herself from
grinning stupidly, shrugging. "The Lord prepared Cameron for this. I don't
doubt that, but it was still a shock."
"It looks like your boyfriend, Sara,
is the type of leader who has what it takes to get you insubordinate plebes
back into formation," David said.
"Get us insubordinate plebes back into
formation? Are you nuts?"
David softly began singing: "Onward,
Christian soldiers marching as to war--"
Sara shook her head at him. "You are
such a moron!"
"With the cross of Jesus going on before--"
Sara slugged David in the arm.
He didn't flinch, but gazed straight ahead,
his eyes "in the boat," and began bending his knees to the beat of
the song, as if he were marching. "Christ, the royal master, leads against
the foe! Forward into battle, see His banners go . . ."
Sara's parents laughed softly.
They were hopeless! Sara turned away from
them, toward the doors to the chapel. She saw Cameron pushing his way through
the crowd to get to her. Sara watched him eagerly.
When Cameron reached Sara and her family,
he moved as close to Sara as he dared, resting his hand briefly on her back.
"You and your family will stay for my ordinations, won't you?"
Sara smiled at him and nodded.
"I'm relieved you're not angry with me
for not telling you."
"How could I be? You didn't ask for
the call. And you did try to tell me."
David tilted his head toward Sara.
"You reprimanded your bishop."
"And now he's inviting me to his
ordination. I think he's forgiven me."
David chuckled. "That's fortunate for
you."
"Fortunate for me, you mean!"
Cameron said. He extended his arm toward Sara's parents.
Sara's mother shook Cameron's hand first.
"We're more pleased and relieved than we can express."
"Your call was inspired," her
father said. "Don't ever doubt it."
Cameron shook the hand of Sara's father
gratefully. "You have no idea how much your confidence means to me."
"Did you get to choose your
counselors?" David asked.
"Actually, I did. President Morley
gave me a list of names to pray about. There were thirty-five. From them, I
chose my counselors, clerks, and the elders quorum president and high priests
group leader. I didn't know anything about any of them until tonight."
"Unfortunately you lost a good portion
of your staff," Sara said.
Cameron shrugged. "I expected to lose
a few of them. My own opinion is that some of those men were having doubts
about going to Eden to begin with and needed the call to push them into making
the final decision to stay home."
"Seems backward, doesn't it?"
Sara said.
"Maybe not," her father said.
"Not if they were expecting Cameron's father to be made the bishop."
"And there's nothing like an
unexpected calling to make a person do some intense soul-searching," Sara's
mother added.
"Isn't that the truth," Cameron
said with a sigh. "But for me, anyway, the soul-searching phase is over
and the assuming-of-responsibilities phase must begin. I think it's time for me
to face my parents." He gave Sara's hand a squeeze. "I'll see you
later. The ordinations for members of the bishopric will be done in the Primary
room."
For some odd reason, Sara felt nervous for
Cameron as he went back into the chapel. What in the galaxy would his parents
think of his call? Would they be offended he hadn't told them?
David said, "I like Cameron, Sara. I
like him a lot. But I'll have to admit, I've never imagined you with the
sensitive, gentle type."
"He's perfect for her," her
father said.
David's words struck Sara as absurd now
that she comprehended her own feelings. She had no qualms about setting him
straight, especially now that she and Cameron had come to an understanding.
"There is no 'Sara's type.' There is only Cameron. There has never been
anybody but Cameron. I know it sounds crazy and maybe even abnormal. I don't
why; I only know what is."
"I may never forgive you for not
telling me about this other man in your life."
"If I had told you I liked Cameron,
you would have called him!"
David looked at her pointedly. "Well,
somebody certainly should have." He shook his head. "You sincerely
had never spoken to him before tonight?"
"Not once."
"I can't believe you only saw him at a
few dances a year. You know each other too well."
"Oh no, you're right. I've seen him
far more than that."
"They should know each other
better," her mother said.
"We assumed they did know each other
better," her father added.
Sara looked at her parents in warning.
"Don't tell him any more yet. You know he'll harass me forever."
Her mother drew her hands back. "I
wouldn't dare." Her father smiled and shook his head.
Sara looked at David. "I think I'll
just let you chew on it awhile." She took her mother's arm and led her
down the hall quickly to find a bathroom, leaving David with her father to
wonder.
"He's not quite what you thought he
was," her mother said as they walked.
"No, he's a hundred times more
wonderful."
"He really is sweet, Sara." Her
mother sounded amazed. "And a little shy. I didn't expect that either. I
can understand why he chose cross country and track and not football."
Sara murmured her agreement. Cameron could
never have played football, even though he was big enough to have played in
high school at least. He didn't have the personality for it. "I should
have asked him to dance."
"Yes you should have, but you didn't.
There's no sense beating yourself up about it. You know, though, that your
support now will mean everything to him."
"I know," Sara whispered.
A few minutes later Sara and her mother
joined her father and David in the Primary room. Sara didn't say much of
anything, needing time to think about everything that had happened. After many
minutes of silence Sara became aware of soft voices from the other side of the
room.
"That is him, Brandon. I know
it!"
"Who?" whispered a female voice.
"That dark-haired man in the gray
suit," the original voice answered.
"David Pierce!" whispered a third
voice. "Brigade commander, first baseman for the Navy, and returned
missionary!"
"Don't you know anything,
Ashley?"
"Something has definitely been lacking
in my education. He's gorgeous! Maybe I should be going to Annapolis instead of
Eden."
Sara was dying to turn and see the faces
behind the whispers but was afraid they would stop talking if she did. She
turned her head, ever so slightly to the right, and saw Cameron's sister and
two younger brothers huddled together just inside the door. Brandon was the
same height as Ashley and looked even more like his father than Cameron did,
with rich golden blond hair and sky-blue eyes. Adam was a head shorter than
Ashley and had his mother's features and pale blond hair, his eyes turquoise.
"What's he doing here? He doesn't have
to go to Eden," Adam said.
"He's with that girl Cameron sat
with," Brandon said. "The one he keeps staring at."
"Do you think David Pierce is her
boyfriend?" Adam asked.
"Are you blind, Adam?" said
Ashley. "Cameron's her boyfriend. Didn't you see how they were
cuddling?"
"No way!" Adam said.
"Cameron doesn't have girlfriends, and he doesn't cuddle!
David whispered in Sara's ear, "You
and your bishop were all over each other!"
"Oh, come on, David. We were only holding
hands!"
"They were cuddling," Brandon
said. "At least as much as a couple can cuddle in the chapel."
"How could they be cuddling when he
didn't have his arm around her?" Adam protested.
"He would have gotten around to
putting his arm around her had he not been called to the stand," Brandon
said. "Ashley's right. Cameron has a girlfriend."
Ashley laughed softly. "He's turned
into one of those marriage-hungry returned missionaries. You know, the kind
sane girls stay away from!"
David began humming softly: "Families
Can be Together Forever."
Sara glared at David sidelong. She was
going to kill Tony for putting David
in this harassing-with-hymns mode!
"Shut up, David!" Sara's mother
whispered. "I want to listen!"
"Snoop!"
"You really think he'll marry
her?" Adam asked.
"Well, he's certainly in love with
her," Ashley replied, "and he did
give her his CTR tie clip, and you know Cameron. It's not as if he's going to
do anything else with her!"
David whispered in Sara's ear, "Should
we tell them the bishop's bride-to-be likes to dress up as a Klingon Warrior
Woman for Halloween?"
"Hsssss . . ."
"She's beautiful, even if she is
insane," Brandon said.
"She can't be too insane if she's in
love with Cameron," Adam observed.
"You think he met her on his
mission?" Brandon asked.
"No," Ashley replied. "He
knew her before. She looks familiar. I'll bet that magnificent midshipman is
her brother."
Members of the new bishopric and their
families trickled into the Primary room. Sara felt David reach into his left
pocket for a couple of caramels.
"Cameron's girlfriend is David Pierce's
sister? That's cool!"
A piece of candy flew across the room,
hitting Adam in the chest. David said softly out of the side of his mouth,
"Say 'Go Navy!'"
Adam hesitated, then said with excitement,
"Go Navy!"
Another piece of candy flew across the
room, tapping Brandon in the chest. "Say 'Beat Army!'"
"Beat Army!"
This time, David reached into his other pocket
and tossed a piece of chocolate, which Ashley caught in her hand. "Say you'll
go out with me Saturday night!"
"I'd rather stay in with you
tonight!"
David reached into his pockets, removed all
of the pieces of candy he had left and tossed them to Ashley. "It's a
date!"
Ashley, Brandon, and Adam collected the
candy from the floor and moved toward Sara and her family. David stood up as
they approached, pulling Sara up with him. Sara's parents followed. David
extended his hand to Adam. "I'm honored to meet such a spirited Navy fan,
but I'll have to say, it's not fair you know my name but I don't know
yours."
"Adam Carroll," the boy replied,
sounding awestruck. "This is my brother Brandon and my sister Ashley. She
doesn't know anything important."
Ashley's golden blond eyebrows flickered in
an amused way that reminded Sara of Cameron's mother.
David pointed at Sara with his thumb.
"She knows that Sara Alexander here isn't my girlfriend. That's
important."
Adam pondered. "You're right. That is
important. Who is Sara then?"
"I'm David's niece. My mother is his
sister."
Sara's mother extended her hand to Adam,
then Brandon, introducing herself and Sara's father. As she shook Ashley's
hand, she asked kindly, "How old are you, Ashley?"
"Almost eighteen. I graduated from
high school last June."
"I'm ten," Adam said. "And
Brandon's fourteen."
"Did you hear that, David?" Sara's
mother said sweetly. "Ashley's seventeen."
Sara also heard the words her mother didn't
say: And you're a grown man of
twenty-three.
David heard the silent words too, because
he responded with, "Ashley and I have a date tonight, and I thought she
and her brothers could come to the house for root beer and popcorn," in a
tone that said, Don't be such a witch,
Teri!
Ashley and her brothers looked at each
other in excitement. "Could we really?" Adam asked.
"Well, it will be
late . . ." Sara's mother pointed out in a tone that said, Don't be such a pervert, David.
Sara wanted to laugh. Who needed telepathy?
Her mother and uncle communicated perfectly well by inflecting their voices in
that way they had and making faces at each other. She looked at her father and
saw that he hovered on the verge of laughter also. He said, the corners of his
mouth twitching, "You can come, but only if you promise to watch the video
we have of David and Sara at our wedding reception, throwing cake at each
other!"
As Ashley and her brothers enthusiastically
agreed to the arrangement, Sara saw Tony come into the room with Marc and
Jordan. They were an incongruent sight as always--Tony big and hairy, Jordan
little and balding, and Marc covered with freckles and red-haired. Sara quickly
excused herself and went to meet them.
When Tony spotted Sara, he laughed.
Marc said, "So Bubble Babe's got it
bad for the bishop."
"Shall we tell him Bubble Babe's too
afraid of germs to ever kiss him?" Jordan said, grinning.
"I don't know," Tony said,
shaking his head. "With all the heat that was flowing between those two,
they're probably both completely disinfected!"
"Bubble Babe is in no danger of
contamination," Marc said in an authoritative tone. He was the medical
student after all. "Bishops don't have germs!"
Sara gave them all quick hugs. "This
babe would come out of her bubble any day for Cameron Carroll!"
"You know, Sara," Jordan said,
"given the fact that you seem to know Cameron extremely well, I'm
wondering why we never heard you mention him."
"She never did, did she," Marc
said in realization.
"Oh I knew she was secretly in love
with him," Tony said, his smile smug.
"That's easy enough for you to say
now, after you've seen us together!" Sara protested.
"You're hilarious, Sara!" Tony
said. "You try to be so covert, and in the process, you reveal yourself
completely. Don't look at me like that! What was I supposed to think? You and
Cameron grew up in the same part of the state. You're both track champions, and
on top of all that, you're members of the Church. You had to know each
other."
"This is true, Sara," Jordan
pointed out.
"The guy goes to China of all places
on his mission," Tony continued to Sara, "one of the most exotic
places imaginable, and you never once ask Dr. Carroll anything about him, no
friendly interest at all, and you've asked me often enough about my experiences
in France."
Sara punched Tony lightly in the arm.
"You're awfully cocky. How did you know I didn't think Cameron was a big
snob?"
"Your dislike of him would have soured
you on the whole family and you wouldn't be going to Eden at all."
"I'll bet she read all of Cameron's e-mails
online and didn't need to ask Dr. Carroll about him," Marc observed.
"You did, didn't you, Sara,"
Jordan teased. "Come on, admit it!"
"She doesn't need to," Tony said.
"Look at her face!"
Sara covered her face with her hand.
"You guys know me too well. It's not fair!"
Tony rested his hand on Sara's arm, his
smile fading. "You'll stay for my ordination too, won't you?"
Sara lowered her hand and nodded. "Of
course." She surveyed Tony tentatively. "Your parents didn't come,
did they."
Tony dropped his arm to his side, shaking
his head and lowering his eyes.
"I'm really sorry."
"I know." Tony lifted his eyes
again and gazed over her shoulder. "Your parents are here though. That has
to count for something. And I'm assuming the guy you were sitting next to in
the chapel is David. He has that midshipman look about him. You know, the short
hair and erect posture they all have."
Sara motioned the guys to follow her.
"Come on. I'll introduce you."
The members of Sara's family were still
conversing with Ashley and her brothers when Sara approached them. They all
stopped talking suddenly. Sara's parents appeared amused. The others looked as
if they had a secret. "What's going on?" Sara asked.
Adam grinned. "We've been arranging a
surprise for you."
Sara turned to David, skeptical. "A
surprise?"
David gazed at her conspiratorially.
"Yes, a surprise. For the bishop and his bride-to-be."
Sara moaned. Tony, Marc, and Jordan
laughed. Before Sara could introduce her Don Pablo's friends to her family,
Cameron arrived with his parents, his Uncle Trevor and Aunt Cyndi and their
three children, and President Grant. Trevor Carroll had the same golden blond
hair as his brother and the same lively blue eyes, but he wasn't as tall, or as
lean, and he wore a mustache.
Cyndi and Samantha, the college-aged
daughter, were as tall as Trevor was and very thin, with waist-length, wavy
hair, Cyndi's ash brown and Samantha's golden blond. Both wore casual knit
dresses and sandals with no hose, and their skin was pale and perfect,
untouched by makeup. Had they been wearing longer, more elaborate dresses, they
would have looked as if they had stepped out of a Shakespearean play, an
Arthurian legend, or a Renaissance fair.
As introductions were made, Sara's parents
were forced to shake hands with Dr. Carroll. Her father did an excellent job,
as always, keeping his face perfectly impassive, but her mother looked as if
she wanted to scream.
Cameron introduced Sara to President Grant
as his friend from high school, and President Grant shook her hand firmly,
surveying her in a kind, but captivated way. He wasn't tall, and Sara was able
to look directly into those sagacious brown eyes without moving her head up or
down. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Sister Alexander. I understand
you did very well in the NCAA championships last spring. Congratulations."
Sara's eyes and mouth widened. It still
surprised her when people she had never met recognized her. "Thank you. I
did far better than I expected to do. I felt privileged to be there at
all."
President Grant patted Cameron's back.
"You have a good man here. If he tries to get away, you chase him
down!"
Sara grinned. "If he runs from me, I
might, for the first time in my life, actually be able to catch him!"
Cameron laughed.
When President Grant extended his hand to
Sara's father, he said in a heartfelt way, "I can't begin to express what
an honor it is to finally meet you, Brother Alexander."
Sara's father frowned slightly, as if he,
too, were surprised to be recognized. Sara understood the reason for the
recognition immediately. Sara could imagine her father and mother's first
bishop calling or writing a member of the First Presidency directly and saying
something along the lines of: "I have a young couple with a baby in my
ward who claim they're agents from another planet. What am I supposed to do
with them?"
Sara watched her father's face soften and
knew he understood also. "It's an honor to meet you too, President."
"On behalf of the entire Church, I'd
like to thank you for all of the service you've given over the years."
Her father was moved, there was no doubt
about it. "It's been my pleasure," he said quietly, with feeling.
"I'm sorry things had to end this way
for you."
Her father glanced at Cameron. "Things
haven't ended as badly as they could have. I'd like to thank you for that."
President Grant acknowledged with a nod.
"Have you told her?"
Trendaul nodded.
"That's good."
Sara turned her head to look at Cameron,
wondering what he thought of this unusual exchange. He watched the proceedings,
absorbed. Sara caught a glimpse of Dr. Carroll and saw that he was as intrigued
as Cameron was. She didn't dare look at David.
President Grant shook her mother's hand,
then David's. Eventually the rest of the introductions were made and the
business began. As Cameron seated himself to be ordained, David whispered to
Sara, "So Cameron's a sprinter too."
"You should see him run, David. He's
like a beam of light. He's so beautiful it almost hurts to watch him."
"How many state championships did he
win?"
"Six."
"Isn't that interesting! I'll bet he
ran cross country and played basketball too."
Sara pursed her lips to keep a straight
face. David sounded so pleased with himself for figuring it out--six years too
late. "Nothing gets past you, does it, David?"
Dr.
Carroll, his brother, and President Grant gathered around Cameron and laid
their hands on his head. Dr. Carroll, in a meek, beautiful voice, proceeded to
ordain him to be a high priest and gave him the most exquisite blessing Sara
had ever heard. Her heart rejoiced as Dr. Carroll detailed the burgeoning of
the Zion community on Eden.
"Cameron, because of the wondrous
righteousness of your spirit, you have been chosen to be born at this time to
fulfill a sacred mission on Eden. Your role will be to lay the foundation of
the work there and expand it.
"Just as nature flourishes on Eden, so
will the gospel. The initial Zion community you aid in establishing will
influence the other fourteen Eden colonies in a miraculous way. Thousands of
people will join the Church through your influence, and all fifteen Eden
colonies will unite under one government that functions on the firm foundation
provided by The Equality of Zion. The Church will organize many stakes, and you
will be privileged to see a temple built on that hallowed Eden soil. A peace
will reign on Eden unlike anything that has existed on Earth since the Nephites
created Zion after the Savior's ministry as a resurrected being, a peace that
will continue to blossom as Eden follows Earth into terrestrial glory."
Dr. Carroll continued the blessing by
bestowing many spiritual gifts on Cameron and detailing their use and the
responsibilities that would go with them as Cameron sought to fulfill his
responsibilities.
When the blessing was over, Sara opened her
eyes to see Cameron's eyes still closed. Of course he needed a few moments to
contemplate everything his father had said. The blessing had been spectacular.
President Grant immediately laid his hands on Cameron's head to ordain him to the
office of bishop. President Grant's blessing was so short and to the point that
it seemed abrupt.
Nevertheless, when the blessing was over,
Cameron embraced the member of the First Presidency first. They didn't exchange
words, but their eyes met with understanding and affection. After Cameron
embraced his mother and father and other family members, he shook the hands of
Sara's mother and David. His countenance was grave and brittle. Sara watched
him, puzzled. Why wasn't he happy? Hadn't his doubts about going to Eden been
resolved with that beautiful blessing from his father?
Cameron's eyes rested on her father's face,
which was paler than normal and just as grave as Cameron's was. Cameron's jaw
twitched, as if he had almost let slip a gasp. Her father squeezed Cameron's
arm in a gesture of compassion and opened his mouth to say something, but
couldn't. Then, most surprising of all, Cameron and her father embraced as if
they had known each other their whole lives. It was all very strange. Sara wondered
more than ever what had happened between them in the temple the week before.
When Cameron finally took Sara's hand, he
smiled. Then, to her delight, he pressed the back of her hand to his lips.
"It's been a pleasure, your highness."
As Cameron released Sara's hand, she
replied in her best queenly tone, "The pleasure has all been mine."
Then she added with a grin, "Congratulations!" She threw her arms
around him and embraced him vigorously. She whispered in his ear, "Please
be happy, Cameron."
Cameron wrapped his arms around Sara and
squeezed tightly, as if he never wanted to let go of her. "You can't
imagine how happy I am at this moment."
"I think I can."
"May I call you tonight?"
Sara replied with the number of her cell
phone. She would have been thrilled to remain in Cameron's arms all evening,
but the time wasn't right. Everyone was staring at them, and she didn't doubt
Cameron had many other things to do before he could leave. In the end, they
withdrew from the embrace at the same time.
Cameron's face was brighter and more
confident than it had been as he turned to Tony and motioned him into the
chair. Tony gazed at Cameron reverently. "Would you perform my ordination,
Bishop?"
Cameron looked at Tony in surprise. Sara
wanted to hug Tony. She had expected him to ask Dr. Carroll, who appeared just
as surprised by Tony's request as Cameron was. This was more fitting, however.
"I would be honored," Cameron said softly.
Cameron moved to stand behind Tony, and
President Grant and both Drs. Carroll gathered around him. David whispered to
Sara, "Tony's a downright decent guy. Why haven't you introduced him to me
before tonight?"
"Because my Eden friends are
evil," she whispered in an exaggerated tone.
Cameron laid his hands on Tony's head and,
after ordaining him to be a high priest, gave him a blessing as personal as his
own had been public. Cameron, as spokesperson for the Lord, said nothing about
future events on Eden other than that Tony would soon find a woman to marry and
would yearn to take her to the temple. ". . . By living the
commandments and serving your bishop faithfully in your new calling, you will,
in due time, be privileged to be sealed to your wife and children in the temple.
Your parents and your brothers and sisters will be present at this event and
will rejoice with you . . ."
All of the promises made to Tony about an
imminent marriage made Sara feel keenly the fact that her relationship with
Cameron had the potential to end in marriage. The thought of it overwhelmed
her. It was too much too soon. She needed time to ponder everything. Perhaps
she shouldn't have agreed to let Cameron call her.
After Cameron had finished the blessing and
President Grant had set Tony apart as first counselor in the Eden Colony Ward
bishopric, Tony stood up and embraced Cameron first, energetically, and Sara
knew that Tony would not only be an excellent counselor to Cameron, but a close
friend as well.
A few moments later, Cameron turned toward
Sara and looked at her in a solemn, unsure way. He was thinking of the blessing
too. Was he as overwhelmed by the prospect of marriage as she was, or was he
concerned that all of this talk of marriage would scare her away?
Sara didn't think anything could keep her
from Cameron now, even premature talk of marriage, and she couldn't help but
smile at Cameron in a reassuring way. She mouthed the words: "I'll talk to
you later." He had better call her now!
Cameron smiled and nodded. Ashley took his
arm and whispered something in his ear. He pulled away from her abruptly and
regarded her in surprise. Ashley raised her eyebrows at him, waiting. He
hesitated, then nodded. He glanced at Sara again, his eyes charged with
excitement.
Ashley motioned to Brandon and Adam, and
they left the room with Sara and her family. Once the door shut behind them,
Ashley burst out, "I remember you now, Sara! You're Cameron's sprinter
friend, the one who always asked every guy to dance except him!"
Sara stopped in front of the cultural hall
door and turned abruptly to face Ashley, mortified. "You knew?"
"Of course I knew. Everyone
knew."
"Why didn't you guys push them out on
the floor together?" David asked.
"Oh, that would have been
horrible!" Sara said. "I wanted to dance with Cameron, but not like
that!"
"No one would have dared do that to
you, Sara," Ashley assured. "Once one of the guys asked Cameron why
he didn't ask you to dance. The guy said, 'You afraid she's going to beat you
up, Carroll?'" Ashley spoke in the deepest, manliest voice she could
manage. "'Have you seen the muscles on that girl? She could beat me up!'"
Sara followed Ashley into the empty
cultural hall, feeling shaken. "What did Cameron say?"
Ashley held the door for Sara, then strolled
along next to her. "Cameron glared at him with the strangest glow in his
eyes, as if he were a destroying angel. Let me tell you, even I had never seen
him look like that, and it was frightening. Everything got really silent all of
a sudden, and I had a feeling everyone else was noticing what I was at that
moment--Cameron is pretty muscular himself, or was, and he's a guy, and it wasn't
likely he was worried about being beat up by you, Sara. And then he said in a
voice that was quiet but resolute, 'Do you have a problem with that?'"
"He really is a champion!" Sara's
mother burst out in delight.
"Isn't he though?" Sara's father
said in satisfaction.
Ashley continued to Sara, "The guy
looked like a bug that had been squished, and he said, 'No, Cameron, of course
not.' And no one ever said anything to Cameron about you again."
"So the servant was defending his
queen's honor even then," David said, impressed.
Ashley slipped her arm through David's.
"What a romantic way to put it!"
David gladly moved closer to Ashley.
"Cameron was the one who said he was the servant and Sara was his
queen."
Ashley slid her other arm through Sara's
and squeezed enthusiastically. "I knew
you looked familiar! Oh this does explain a great deal!"
Sara's embarrassment gave way to
exhilaration. She had never felt like such a lady.
"She's Cameron's mystery love, isn't
she!" Brandon said in delight.
"I don't think there's much doubt of
that, no," Ashley said.
"Wow, that's cool," Adam said.
"We finally get to meet Cameron's mystery love."
"I'm such a moron," Ashley said.
"I should have guessed."
"We're all morons," David agreed.
Sara felt giddy. "Why did everyone
know Cameron was interested in me but me?"
"We didn't know it was you,"
Brandon said. "Which was why it was a mystery."
"We just knew there was someone,"
Ashley explained, "because Cameron never took girls out for fun."
What an odd comment. "What do you
mean?" Sara asked.
"Well, he did go to enough important
dances with beautiful girls to satisfy Mother and Father that he didn't have
some kind of social phobia or personality disorder, but that was it."
Sara's mother stifled a giggle. David
laughed and patted Ashley's hand. Sara knew she would get teased about this
night forever.
"And when we asked him for the name of
his mystery love and pictures of her, he got really mad and made us do extra
work around the house," Brandon said.
Sara smiled. So Cameron, too, had taken his
turn as the family babysitter.
"I think Cameron should have let
Mother and Father think he didn't like girls," Adam said with a decisive
air, jogging forward to open the door into the north foyer for everyone.
"Maybe they would have stayed home more, then."
"No," Brandon lamented as he
passed Adam, "they would have just put him in therapy and we still wouldn't
have been able to harass him about his mystery love."
"No, you're both wrong," Ashley
said. "Mother and Father have thrived professionally because their work
has just the right dash of liberal thinking. They would have told everyone
about their difficult family situation, delicately of course, and educated
America about tolerance. They would have had more speaking engagements than
ever."
Ashley's cynicism shocked Sara. "I
think you guys are awful. I hope Cameron made you do the bathrooms."
"Why didn't you ever ask Cameron to
dance?" Ashley asked.
"Because he was my mystery love and I
was a coward."
"You weren't much of a coward back
there. I thought you were going to kiss him," Brandon pointed out.
Sara felt mischievous. "I didn't think
it would be proper to kiss the
bishop."
Instead of laughing, the Carroll kids
seemed to lose all desire for light-heartedness. They looked at each other with
expressions of pain. After several moments of uncomfortable silence, Adam
complained, moving away from the door to the cultural hall, "Why didn't
Cameron tell us he was going to be the bishop?"
"He probably didn't know how,"
Ashley said.
"I understand why he didn't say anything to Mother and Father, but
why didn't he tell us?" Adam persisted.
"Because he's gone crazy,"
Brandon said.
"Do you really think so?" Adam
said, more troubled than ever.
"You heard his talk. What was that all
about? He's never been disrespectful or disobedient to Father in his
life."
"I don't think this is the proper time
to talk about this," Ashley warned.
"Why not?" Brandon said.
"Only Sara is here, and she's almost part of the family!"
"Hardly!" Sara exploded in panic.
"Your brother hasn't even taken me out, much less proposed to me!"
"Well when he does," her father
interjected, "don't be an idiot--say yes!"
"Oh, Dad . . ."
Why did he have to pick now, of all times, to make one of his off-centered
comments?
Ashley stopped, and Brandon and Adam
simultaneously turned to look at Sara's father. "You're that certain
Cameron isn't crazy," Brandon asked earnestly.
"I am," her father said with
equal earnestness. "I have a great deal of admiration for Cameron."
"I know everyone thought Father would
be the bishop," Adam said, "but I think Cameron is a better choice,
don't you? He doesn't have so much on his mind."
"Oh I don't know," Ashley said,
leading them all to the foyer doors. "He certainly seems to have Sara on
his mind."
"I can't believe you live in Parkridge,
Sara," Ashley said as she stepped into the parking lot. "That can't
be more than twenty minutes from where we used to live, in Greenwood. We were
practically neighbors."
"I know," Sara admitted. "I
saw Cameron whenever we had a game or a meet against Greenwood."
"What high school did you go to?"
Brandon asked in surprise.
"Parkridge. If I lived on the other
side of the interstate, I would have gone to school with Cameron."
Ashley rolled her eyes. "I can't
believe you two."
Trendaul couldn't believe it either. Sara's
feelings for Cameron must have been incredibly intense to have invoked such
reticence in her. How different things might have been! He felt like an idiot
for not suspecting Sara's passion for Cameron long ago.
"Would that have been a local phone call, Sara?" David
teased.
Sara nodded sheepishly.
"Probably."
Trendaul shared David's amusement, if not
his exasperation. Sara's adoration for Cameron had turned her into such a
jellyfish that she deserved a little playful harassment. "Cameron was
written up on the sports pages of the Parkridge
Gazette as often as Sara was. That's how local he was."
David's eyebrows shot up. "I'll bet
Sara saved every one of those pictures of Cameron from the newspaper."
"She couldn't have cut pictures out of
the paper without someone figuring it out," Teri said.
"Oh no," David persisted. "I
know Sara. She's determined. I'll bet she carried scissors in her backpack and
cut the pictures out of the paper at the grocery store."
"Actually, you're right," Sara
admitted.
Ashley shrieked with ecstasy. "No
way!" Everyone exploded with laughter, and even Sara couldn't restrain a
smile. "Cameron must have
pictures of her hidden somewhere!"
"We looked everywhere for them,"
Brandon admitted, still laughing.
"They're in his wallet," Sara
admitted. "Hidden in the bill holder. He showed them to me."
David turned to Sara. "You're both
pathetic, you know that."
"I told you you'd harass me
forever!"
"You deserve it!"
"Well, I say it's about time we got a
look at Cameron's mystery love!" Adam chirped. "They'll be engaged
before you know it!"
Sara groaned and got into the van, slamming
the door. Sara appeared surprised when David opened the door right back up and
motioned Ashley, Brandon, and Adam into the van after her. "If you come
with us, how will you get home?" she asked.
"Cameron will drive to your house to
pick us up," Brandon explained.
Sara gasped. "Really?"
An expression of such delight and anxiety
came over Sara's face that Trendaul couldn't restrain himself from suggesting,
"I suppose David could take Ashley and her brothers home instead."
"No . . . no, no. I'm
just in shock."
Adam slid into the seat next to Sara.
"I told you we had arranged a surprise for you."
"He'll call you when he's done,"
Ashley said, "and you can give him the directions."
David chuckled as he pulled the side doors
of the van shut behind him. "I'll bet he already knows where Sara
lives."
Ashley and her brothers chatted excitedly
with David and Sara during the forty-five minutes it took to drive to
Parkridge. Ashley and her brothers seemed abnormally eager to be spending the
evening with Trendaul's family. Trendaul had a feeling they were lonely and
bored. They really were nice kids. None of them had the snobbish attitude that
could have so easily gone with the famous parents, designer clothes, and
Greenwood estate home. Obviously the parents had done a few things right.
No, as difficult as it was to admit to
himself, the parents had done many things right, which made Trendaul wonder how
they could have ended up in a situation so wrong. He believed Dr. Carroll's
commitment to the gospel, at least, had once been strong.
His wife, on the other hand, seemed nothing
more than a sophisticated parrot. Her writing on family issues combined generic
Mormon values with a politically correct philosophy that had appealed to both
Marylanders and members of the Church for nearly a decade. Trendaul had never
perceived any passion in her work or depth of understanding, only trite ideas
dressed up in tantalizing facts and witty language. Who knew what she thought
about anything?
Benjamin and Barbara Carroll had loved each
other in the beginning of their marriage, Trendaul was certain of it. Trendaul
had spent most of the evening studying Benjamin Carroll and was equally certain
that he now believed himself in love with Sara. He had watched her a good part
of the evening, sometimes in a disturbed way, but usually with fondness, often
trying to catch her eye. Sara had been so engrossed with Cameron, however, that
she hadn't noticed.
As revolted as Trendaul was by Benjamin
Carroll's desire for his daughter, he had to concede that he wasn't the kind of
man who had spent his life preying on girls. It didn't look as if he had
designs on any of the other young women in the colony yet. Trendaul didn't
think, moreover, that he was a man who had been chronically unfaithful to his
wife, although Trendaul couldn't believe that he would be pursuing a chaste
young woman like Sara now had he not already made adultery a habit.
Of all the women in the Eden Colony, why
was Sara the one he had singled out? Trendaul could understand a physical
attraction easily enough. Sara was beautiful and vibrant, with a racial
reproductive capacity and energy a man like Benjamin Carroll might be able to
sense, even if he didn't have the knowledge to correctly identify it.
The emotional attraction Trendaul
perceived, however, was more of a mystery. Twenty-six years' difference existed
between their ages, and aside from their mutual desire to colonize Eden, they
didn't appear to have much in common either in interests or in their basic
perspective on life. The only thing that made sense to Trendaul was that
Cameron and his father were far more alike in essence than it initially seemed
and that both had personalities which were compatible with Sara's.
Could it be that Cameron had inherited more
than his appearance from his father? That he was the gentle, deeply spiritual
young man he was because his father had been that way not so long ago and had
influenced him in that direction? Such a situation would explain how a young
man of Cameron's profundity had come from such a family. It would also explain,
along with the mother's attitude of graciousness, why Cameron's brothers and
sister were so pleasant and lacking in arrogance. Trendaul came to the
conclusion that Cameron and his father were, indeed, very much alike and that
Sara had probably encouraged Benjamin Carroll unconsciously, responding to him
as she would have to Cameron. Perhaps the man's feelings for Sara weren't
difficult to understand at all.
Trendaul debated whether he should tell
Cameron about his father's behavior toward Sara but eventually decided against
it. Perhaps the man would put his feelings for Sara in perspective and leave
her alone now that Cameron was in love with her. Not only that, but surely the
First Presidency of the Church suspected Benjamin Carroll's problems ran deeper
than rebellion. They would have told Cameron what they thought he needed to
know. Trendaul had no doubt that learning such a thing about his father would
shock and outrage him. If the knowledge came too soon, it might paralyze him
also.
If his father's desire for Sara didn't
cool, Cameron would discern soon enough what was going on, and Sara would be
more likely to believe it herself if what Cameron told her was gleaned from his
own observations. Whatever the case, the Brethren had turned Benjamin Carroll
over to Cameron to deal with, and they had done it because the Lord knew that
Cameron would handle the situation well. Cameron, in fact, might be the only
person who had a chance of turning his father around.
How did Ashley and the two younger Carroll
boys feel about going to Eden? Perhaps they didn't want to go at all. Ashley
could probably choose to remain on Earth, but her younger brothers could not.
Trendaul's confusion about why the prophet would authorize the organization of
the Eden Colony Ward melted, replaced by gratitude. He now had hope for the
Carroll children and all of the other innocents, hope for the colony in
general, and especially hope for Sara.
Once Trendaul and crew arrived home, Ashley
took one look at Josh and hurled a horrified scream at him: "It's the
Dance Clown!"
Josh screamed back at her: "It's the
Fancy Fashion Doll!"
"Fancy Fashion Doll!" Ashley
exclaimed in outrage as laughter erupted. She whipped her pale gold head around
to face Sara. "The Dance Clown is your brother?"
Sara nodded and extended her arm toward
Josh as if she were introducing him on stage. "The one and only Josh
Alexander."
Josh bowed to Ashley theatrically.
"The Amazing Josh Alexander is
pleased to finally meet the girl with the most intelligent, discerning eyes of
any fashion doll he's ever seen."
Ashley involuntarily widened her eyes, her
lips parting slightly in surprise. After a moment she smiled, extending her
hand to Josh. "I'm Ashley Carroll. My brother Cameron is in love with your
sister."
Josh turned knowingly to Sara, cupping his
hand around his mouth and speaking to her in a stage whisper, "I guess
that means it's okay now to admit you're in love with him too." Josh shook
his head at Ashley. "You would not believe all of the abuse I've suffered
over the years because of my knowledge of my sister's deep and meaningful crush
on Cameron Carroll."
Ashley laughed. Sara glared. "If you
had your own love life, Josh, you wouldn't be so concerned about mine!"
Josh threw up his arms in hopelessness.
"See what I mean? 'Wherefore the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for
it cutteth them to the very center.'" That comment sent Ashley and her
brothers into hysterics.
Trendaul's mind worked quickly. "1
Nephi 16:2."
"Ah ha!" Josh cried, turning
toward Trendaul with his arm outstretched and pointing. "It took you three
seconds! You're getting slow, old man!"
"Touché!" said David.
Trendaul backed away, clutching his chest
as if stabbed. "'Thou hast declared unto us hard things, more than we are
able to bear!'"
"1 Nephi 16:1," Josh shot back.
Then to Sara he said, "Does Mr. Preppie Pretty Boy know his new girlfriend
likes to dress up as a Klingon warrior woman on Halloween?"
"No way!" Ashley gasped.
Sara nodded, grinning. "It's great
fun. Josh still dresses up as the Phantom of the Opera and skates around the
neighborhood, singing songs from the musical and throwing candy at the
kids."
"Cameron likes to dress up as Cal
Ripkin," Adam volunteered.
"Good man!" David said in
approval.
"Dad does door duty," Josh said.
"He used to dress up as a bug-eyed alien until we talked him into being
Mr. Spock."
Brandon leaned on Ashley's shoulder, nearly
breathless with laughter. "I love you guys," he said in Trendaul and
Sara's direction. "You're so weird and cool!"
"We're from Mars," Teri said with a smile.
David waved his hands in an effort to calm
everyone, his face solemn. "A question of eternal magnitude is begging to
be answered." When David had everyone's attention, he continued, "I
don't know about the rest of you, but my evening won't be complete until we've
decided which bizarre and disturbing image is the most hilarious:
a Klingon warrior woman with a bishop, a preppie pretty boy, or the clean-cut
Orioles Hall of Famer."
Everyone laughed themselves into gasps and
tears, Sara most of all.
*
Sara spent the evening only half aware of
what was going on around her, feeling nervous about what would happen once
Cameron arrived. She had already decided that she would go to the front porch
for privacy once he called. She also hoped to keep him to herself for a few
minutes before he gathered his siblings. At the same time, however, she
wondered if she should.
Would the prospect of spending a few
minutes alone together make him as uneasy as it did her? Would he be so
unnerved that he would go directly into the house? Even if they did sit
together on the porch for a few minutes, would someone inside of the house come
out? Would his brothers and sister expect to return to their hotel right away?
Or should she take him to the backyard, where they could sit in virtual privacy
in the swing?
No, she shouldn't even consider that
possibility. Cameron wasn't just a boy she had adored in high school--he was
her bishop now. He probably wouldn't want to be that alone with her, and they had just met. Moreover, anyone finding
them alone together in the swing, in the dark, would never believe they were
only talking, and she would probably die of embarrassment.
When Cameron called around ten o'clock,
Sara left the others as nonchalantly as she could, despite the giggles, and
went to her bedroom to get a sweater. Quickly draping the sweater over her arm,
she jogged lightly down the stairs and out the front door.
Sara paced as she conversed with Cameron
and waited, the time passing so quickly that she forgot she was nervous. The
tension returned, however, when Cameron's BMW pulled into the driveway. She
felt both hot and cold at the same time and realized that she had forgotten to
put on her sweater. She pushed the button to end the call and tossed the phone
onto a porch chair, then finally slid into her sweater and casually approached
Cameron's car. Whatever happened with Cameron in the next few minutes, she didn't
want it to occur under the porch lights only a few yards away from where her
parents were sitting.
When Cameron opened the door, Sara stopped
walking. As Cameron stepped out of the car and stood up, Sara ran her hand
along the hood of Cameron's BMW and said the only thing that she could think of
at the moment, "Nice car."
"Thank you. It used to be my father's.
He gave it to me when I turned sixteen." Cameron shut the door and walked
toward Sara. "Are you all right?" he asked, resting a hand on her
arm.
Sara nodded quickly.
"You seem shy all of a sudden."
Sara felt her cheeks grow warm. She didn't
know what to say.
"Are you afraid of me again?" His
voice was very gentle.
"Maybe a little," she admitted.
He inched closer to her, moving his hand
slowly down her arm. "Why?"
Chills shot through Sara. Now that Cameron
was there, standing so close to her, she wanted more than ever to be alone with
him. "Because I've never been in a situation quite like this before."
The reflection of the stars shimmered in
Cameron's eyes. "Neither have I. I've been dreaming about it, though, for
six years."
"I have too," Sara whispered.
"Maybe that's why I'm so nervous."
Cameron's fingertips grazed the back of her
hand. "Perhaps we'll both be more at ease if we go someplace where we can
be alone for a while."
Sara felt as if her mouth had been glued
shut. All of her reservations seemed trivial at the moment, and she turned and
motioned him to follow her into the backyard. Before she had taken too many
steps, he caught up to her and slid his arm around her shoulders. They had not
quite made it to the backyard when Sara decided to match Cameron's boldness by
putting her arm around his waist under his suit jacket.
Cameron immediately stopped and drew Sara
into his arms. Without hesitation, she snuggled close, reveling in the feel and
smell of him.
"You feel so wonderful, Sara."
Sara laid her cheek against Cameron's,
feeling as if she were trembling all over. "So do you. And you smell nice
too."
"I like it that you don't wear
perfume. You're fresh and natural."
"I didn't expect you to be so
down-to-earth."
Cameron pulled away a little so that he
could look at her. His features appeared shadowy in the starlight. "Are
you disappointed?"
Sara couldn't resist stroking his cheek.
"No, relieved. I prefer you to be made of flesh and blood, not
fantasies."
Cameron's cheek grew hot under her fingers.
His hand quivered as he smoothed her hair away from her face. "I love your
honesty, Sara. I always have."
"But how could you? I had never spoken
to you."
Cameron kissed the inside of her wrist.
"It wasn't what you said, it was
what you were."
"I don't understand." Sara slid
her fingers into Cameron's pale golden blond hair. Even in its short missionary
cut, it was as soft as it was beautiful.
"You've just always seemed so wild and
free, but in an innocent, sweet way. It's as if your spirit is so confident and
powerful and honest that it can't be hidden behind style or convention or
anything. Am I making any sense at all?"
"Sort of."
He kissed her forehead. "The first
time I saw you dance, you were wearing a red dress with big blue flowers on it,
and when you spun around, it would flare out just a little. Your hair was up in
kind of a wild style." He swept her hair up to demonstrate. "The
strands of your hair began falling down, but you didn't notice, because you
were so passionate about dancing." Cameron released tiny strands of her
hair, one by one, twirling them around his fingertip, and Sara thought she
would melt into the ground. "I had never seen anything so beautiful. You
were so perfectly yourself, no posing, no pretension, no nothing but Sara
Alexander, my glorious queen."
Sara widened her eyes at Cameron. She had
never dreamed she could have this effect on him, and it both thrilled her and
threw her off balance.
Cameron's features suddenly twisted into an
expression of panic. "I've made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry. I'm moving
too fast. No one who knows me would ever believe it."
He laughed a little, self-consciously, and
Sara realized that he really was as nervous as she was. She wanted to tell him
that she was simply paralyzed with happiness, but he didn't pause for a moment,
even to take a breath. "It's just that I've never done this before, and I've
been waiting for so long, and we have so little time, and I'm babbling. I'm
pathetic."
He finally paused, briefly, to breathe.
Sara rested her fingers on his lips and shook her head, smiling. "You're
perfect."
His mouth fell open under her fingers, and
then he laughed, just as nervously as he had before. "Perfectly
silly."
Sara moved her hand to the back of Cameron's
neck to draw him closer. "No, perfectly sweet and real." She kissed
his cheek with all of the fondness she felt. "I told you that I preferred
you to be made of flesh and blood, not fantasies."
Sara felt Cameron's lips on her neck and
shivered. As he kissed his way to her mouth, her senses sprang alive with a
ferocity that startled her, and she clasped him even more tightly. Suddenly she
didn't feel too young to get married.
"Oh Sara . . ."
Sara returned his kisses with abandon,
having no idea how much time had passed before she managed to say, "You
are a . . . very good . . .
teacher . . . Cameron Carroll."
"So are . . .
you." Cameron kissed Sara's cheek, then whispered in her ear, "I
couldn't wait another minute. We've wasted far too many years as it is."
Sara nodded, feeling his lips on her jaw.
"We really were pathetic. We certainly should have danced together."
Cameron rested his cheek against hers.
"And sat together at the track meets while we were waiting for our
events."
"And eaten chili dogs and nachos
together at the football games."
"And argued about which side to sit
on."
"And felt free to cheer for each other's
races."
"And gone to see the Orioles."
"Without
my mom. My family never went to Camden Yards unless the Royals were in town,
and my mom always cheered for them. It was so embarrassing!"
"There are two of us and only one of
her. We could have out-yelled her. O-yeah!"
"O-yeah!"
Sara repeated the Orioles cheer with enthusiasm. "We should have taken the
same flight to Salt Lake when we were freshmen--"
"And played ping pong in the
dorm."
"And written to each other while you
were on your mission."
Cameron pulled away enough so that he could
look at her. "You have no idea how much that would have meant to me."
They kissed tenderly, then clung to each
other silently. Cameron cradled Sara against his chest and neck, his cheek
against hers and his hands stroking her hair and back, still quivering. Sara
held him in exhilaration, savoring every sensation.
Eventually Cameron's hands steadied and he
pulled away a little. "Is that a swing I see over there?"
Sara nodded. "That's where I was going
to take you until we got . . . distracted." She kissed him
again, then took his hand and pulled him toward the swing. They sat down and
gazed at each other in the light from the dining room window.
Cameron tilted his head toward the house.
"I wonder how long it will be before they find us."
"Not for hours and hours, I
hope."
Cameron drew her into his arms. "It'll
probably be a lot sooner than that."
Sara laid her head on his neck and wrapped
her arms around his waist. "There's always tomorrow."
Cameron stroked her arm.
"Unfortunately, that isn't exactly true. My position makes our situation
awkward, I'm afraid. In front of the other colonists we'll have to be extremely
discreet. And we'll never be able to be completely alone like this again
unless . . ."
He couldn't bring himself to say it and
neither could Sara, but she understood what he meant. A bishop couldn't go off
alone with young women if he wanted to maintain his credibility, and Cameron's
credibility with the colonists was uncertain enough as it was. This was as
alone as the two of them would ever be unless they decided to get married. Sara
laughed a little. "The price I pay to date the bishop."
"I'm sorry, Sara. I wish things could be
different."
"You know, this situation really is
absurd."
"No kidding."
Sara giggled and squeezed Cameron's waist.
"Here I am, cuddling in the dark with my bishop. It really is beyond
belief!"
Cameron stopped Sara's laughter with a
kiss. "I am always just Cameron to you, sweet queen." He kissed her
again, lingeringly.
"You are definitely worth the
inconvenience," Sara murmured.
"Am I?" he asked quietly.
"You're sure you wouldn't rather spend time with the other single men in
the colony instead?"
What was Cameron asking? Was he concerned
that she might not be willing to see him exclusively? "Cameron, there has
been no one but you for six years. Now that you've kissed me, the mere thought
of going out with someone else makes me ill. And if I see you even look at another woman, I'll be ill and angry."
Cameron kissed Sara's hair. "Oh, you'll
never have to worry about that. I haven't seriously noticed another woman since
I saw you at that first youth dance."
"That's so hard to believe,
Cameron."
"Is it any more difficult to believe
than your claim? That you haven't
wanted anyone but me for six years?"
"When you put it that way, how can I
argue?"
*
At eleven-thirty Ashley's cell phone rang.
She answered it and put it to her ear, saying pleasantly, "Hello,
Father . . . yes, Cameron's been here for at least forty-five
minutes . . . I can't put him on. He's here but he isn't
here . . . we assume he's, uh, stargazing with Sara."
Brandon and Josh snickered. David laughed out
loud. Adam leaned toward the phone and said enthusiastically, "Cameron's
mystery love is now his mushy love!"
Ashley rolled her eyes. "Oh come on,
Father. Don't make me get him! He's absolutely insane about Sara. It would be
cruel. Give us another half an hour. Please!" Ashley stood up with a sigh,
covering the mouthpiece of the phone with her thumb. "He says he won't
hang up until he talks to Cameron. I guess someone had better go find
him."
Trendaul glanced at Teri. They both knew
why Benjamin Carroll was so determined to speak to Cameron. He wanted to break
up the romance. Teri lifted her eyebrows, her smile sly. "Perhaps, David,
you can drive Ashley and Brandon and Adam back to Columbia so that Cameron can
stay a little longer."
"Excellent idea," David said,
nodding.
Ashley looked at David, her eyes lighting
up. "Would you really?"
"No problem."
Ashley lifted the phone to her ear again.
"Father, we've made other arrangements. David Pierce is going to bring
Brandon and Adam and me home." She paused and listened, then said,
laughing, "You can't be serious! Why should Cameron have to come home
now? . . . But you haven't been waiting up for him for two
years! And he's a bishop! Certainly that makes him an adult now and qualifies
him to come and go as he pleases . . . I know we all have to get
up early tomorrow, but still! He can sleep on the shuttle." Ashley glanced
from David to Trendaul to Teri, shaking her head incredulously. "Father, listen,
I'll have him call you as soon as I can find him. See you in a little while,
okay? 'Bye." Ashley turned off the phone and stuffed it into her purse.
"I think he needs to go to bed. He's getting crazy!"
"He's just worried about you,"
Trendaul said, not sure he believed it himself.
"No, he's crazy," Brandon said.
"Ashley's curfew has been one o'clock for at least a year."
Ashley nodded. "And Father usually
doesn't mind waiting up. He likes to fool around with his web site and hang out
in his chat room."
Teri lifted her eyebrows at Trendaul in a
way that said, "What a surprise."
Trendaul thought he should be amused that
the person Ashley's father wanted to chat with was currently busy with Cameron,
but he wasn't; he was disgusted. He was so disgusted, in fact, that he was
determined to keep Cameron there as long as Cameron wanted to stay, even though
he needed some time to talk with Sara alone. He would send Teri to bed and stay
up all night if he had to in order to play chaperon. "David, why don't the
four of you go ahead and go. I'll find Cameron."
"Are you going to make Cameron
leave?" Adam asked.
Trendaul smiled and shook his head. After
they left, he bade Teri and Josh good night, picked up the telephone, and
headed outside to find Sara and Cameron. He discovered them in each other's
arms in the swing, talking softly and completely unaware of his presence.
The thought of Sara's spending most of the
night in the swing with Cameron pleased Trendaul as much as anything could have
at the moment. For a few hours they would be nothing more than twenty-year-old
kids who were thrilled with each other. It seemed so normal. He almost hated to
disturb them.
When Cameron leaned to kiss Sara, Trendaul
decided it was time to make his presence known. "Cameron, I'm sorry to
intrude, but you need to call your father."
Trendaul didn't get a chance to talk to
Sara alone until almost two o'clock. Trendaul followed Sara into her room,
protectively carrying the little box that contained the remainder of his
arelada. She was smiling and animated, and Trendaul doubted she would get any
sleep that night.
She sat down on her bed with a bounce, her
eyes gravitating to the box he was holding. "What is that?"
"I'll tell you in a minute."
Trendaul sat down on the bed and faced her. He set the box on the bed and
removed from his finger a ring of polished white gold, set with an emerald, and
held it out to her. "I want you to have this. It's the wedding ring your
mother picked out for me after we arrived on Earth. You can give it to Cameron
when the time comes."
Sara threw her arms up and shook her head
at the ceiling. "Why does everyone want to rush us into marriage!"
Trendaul smiled, for the first time in five
days pleased by Sara's innocence. It reminded him of the little girl he
remembered. "You claim to prefer the pace of the 1,500-meter run, Sara,
but you and Cameron have just come out of the blocks as if you're sprinting the
100."
Sara winced. "We've been shameless,
haven't we."
Trendaul laughed softly. "Impeccably
so."
Sara shook her head in resignation. "I
knew what would happen if I spent any time alone with him. I know we just met,
but I couldn't stop myself, and neither could he."
"I don't know why that would surprise
you. You've been suppressing your feelings for each other a long time, and you're
both very open, fervent kind of people. I'm not sure it could have been any
other way between the two of you tonight, and it's for the best. You may not be
completely comfortable with the idea of marriage yet, but there's no doubt in
my mind where Cameron stands. He wants--and needs--a wife."
"Did he tell you that when you talked
with him in the temple?"
"He'll tell you about our time
together in the temple when he's ready."
"Somehow, I knew you were going to say
that," Sara said thoughtfully.
Trendaul couldn't believe he could feel
such peace at a moment he had long dreaded. "Cameron loves the Lord with his
whole heart and soul and will treat you as the precious daughter of God you
are. Don't throw him away for some silly desire to be a great writer or
reluctance to have a baby before you're thirty or whatever." He had never
dreamed he would actually want his
daughter to marry an Earthon man.
"I don't know if I feel ready to get
married," Sara said meekly, gazing at her denim quilt.
"Trust me, Sara," Trendaul said
gently, "you're more than ready to get married. You're ready to be a
mother too." For Sara, marriage would mean a baby nine months from the
wedding day. She needed to know, but how could he tell her when the prospect of
marriage alone so unsettled her? The last thing Trendaul wanted was for Sara to
reject Cameron out of aversion to having a baby right away, especially when he
knew that, despite Sara's present discomfort, marriage to Cameron and a baby
soon after would delight her.
Sara shrugged, ever so slightly. "I
suppose I should be complimented." She brought her bent knees together
under her chin and wrapped her arms around them, those velvety blue eyes
meeting his in gratitude. "Your saying that means you think of me as an
adult."
Trendaul rested a hand on her shoulder.
"You are an adult, and I want you to be as happy as an adult as you were
as a little girl. That means moving forward and not running away from the very
thing that will bring you the most joy and personal growth."
"Which, in your opinion, is Cameron
and a baby."
"If you are still determined to go to
Eden, yes. Cameron and many babies."
"With everything moving so fast
between us, how will I know whether or not I love him truly and deeply and am
not just infatuated with him?"
That Sara would ask such a question at all
proved that at least half of her intelligence remained intact. Trendaul
answered, feeling relieved on that point at least, "Think about what it is
that attracts you to him. Are you as attracted to his testimony as to the tone
of his voice? To his mind as well as to his face? To his kindness as well as
his caresses? Does he make you feel comfortable and wonderful about being you?
Do you trust him? Is he your best friend?"
Sara gazed at him sadly. "Cameron and
I would have been friends. Good friends. I wish I had asked him to dance. As happy
as I am that we understand each other now, I feel a little empty, as if I've
lost a friend or betrayed one."
Trendaul squeezed Sara's shoulder and
released it. "There's nothing you can do about the past six years. You
have to accept that and look forward to all the years together you have ahead
of you." He smiled. "Your mother and I have been married three times
longer than you have known Cameron, and to the people I work with at the
temple, we're still newlyweds." Trendaul held the ring out to Sara again.
This time she took it, shaking her head and
murmuring her thanks as she slid it onto her thumb.
Feeling an urgency he couldn't contain,
Trendaul said, "Once you make the decision to marry, don't put it off. If
you do, Cameron won't function well in his calling and you will both be
miserable. I know you want to be married in the temple, but your decision to go
to Eden makes a sealing unrealistic for the time being."
Sara closed her eyes and held very still,
as if thinking deeply. When she opened her eyes again, she said, "I think
I understand what you're saying. On the other hand, I can't believe it would
actually come to that." She put an arm over her waist and a hand to her
mouth, gazing at the bed, perplexed.
Trendaul tapped his box of arelada in
frustration. Sara truly believed she could go to Eden and marry Cameron or
someone else in the temple. She and Cameron hadn't been capable of spending a
mere evening together without behaving like sweethearts. And she thought she
was going to wait two years to get married? Or did she think Eden would get a
temple within the next two years?
Zarr's mind bond hadn't consumed all of
Sara's intelligence, but it had certainly sapped her common sense. Trendaul
took some comfort in the knowledge that the bond would dissolve the farther
Sara traveled away from Earth. Once on Eden, perhaps the Lord would have a
fighting chance at knocking some sense back into her.
Moments passed and Sara looked up at
Trendaul again. "Will you tell me now about your little box?"
"First I need to tell you something
about the planet Eden itself."
"You know something about it?"
Sara asked eagerly.
"A little. I know enough to tell you
that it is in a strategic position, coveted by more nations than Zarr's, and
that its spirit is probably one that refuses to submit to the dominion of human
beings."
"Why do you think that?"
"Because the process of making a
planet habitable takes years. It's very complex, demanding work that takes
thousands of specialists and trillions of dollars. No government finishes
terraforming a planet only to abandon it. I assume the planet-spirit agreed to
be terraformed initially, then, for some reason, fought being bridled by the
maintenance team after the process had been completed. That is extremely
unusual."
Sara was amazed. "The planet's spirit
actually agrees to be terraformed?"
"Yes. Planets with spirits that won't
agree to be terraformed or cannot be tamed are dangerous and are, therefore,
left alone. The fact that Eden is uninhabited means there is something
seriously wrong with it."
"What makes you so certain Eden was
terraformed? Dr. Carroll believes the Lord preserved Eden as a 'promised land,'
kind of like the American continent."
Trendaul wanted to point out that Dr.
Carroll was an idiot, but he refrained, with difficulty, and said instead,
"What Benjamin Carroll believes is not impossible, perhaps, but it is
improbable. Centuries of space exploration have taught the civilized galaxy that
only original planets begin with ecosystems suitable for human
habitation."
"Original planets?"
"Planets the Lord Himself actually
created and populated."
"I can't believe Eden is as awful as
you think. We'll make it work somehow. I know we will."
"I hope you're right. Even so, I want
you to have this."
Sara took it from his hands carefully.
"It's your arelada, isn't it? What am I supposed to do with it?"
"Nothing at the moment. If you open
the box, Zarr's people will detect the arelada and take it from you."
"But there won't be any Zarrists in
our colony. They'll be in Control Colony, hundreds of miles away."
"You won't get to Eden for three and a
half weeks. While you're on the transport, you mustn't open the box. Once you
get to Eden, wait a week to make sure the transport has left Eden's system,
then take one of the arelada pendants out of the box and wear it under your
shirt. Then hide the box under a clump of bushes or something, just in case
Control Colony is monitoring for arelada use. That way they will only find what
you're wearing."
"Why are you giving it to me?"
"Because it will enable you to
communicate with Eden's planet-spirit, should there be a problem. Or at the
very least, you will be able to feel the planet-spirit's current state of
emotion."
"What kind of problem?"
"Continuous earthquakes, violent
storms and other unpredictable weather. Any unexplainable natural disasters
that might threaten your existence as a colony."
Sara's eyebrows shot up. "You can't be
serious!"
Of course she didn't believe him now. She
knew nothing of these things. "Just take the arelada, and, after you've
been on Eden a week, start practicing with it. I've never communicated with a
planet-spirit, so I'm not entirely sure how it would work, but I suspect that
you will never be able to communicate with Eden unless you practice. Developing mind power is a lot like developing muscles.
It requires conditioning. You don't remember, but when you were a baby, both
your mother and I communicated telepathically with you often. During the year
after your mother died, in fact, when you were with me constantly, I taught you
a great deal."
"You almost make it sound as if I
communicated back to you."
"You did."
"You actually allowed me to wear
arelada?"
"I didn't need to. Arelada emits an
energy field, and you were always close enough to me to get the benefits of
it."
"Why did we stop communicating that
way?"
"Because your mother, Teri, was afraid
it would make you unable to relate to your Earthon peers in a normal way. She
was right."
"But you think it'll come back to
me."
Trendaul nodded; he had no doubt about
that. He also had no doubt that Sara would be empathic enough to correctly
interpret the emotions she might feel emanating from the planet-spirit. As a
child she had been amazingly adept at interpreting his emotions and Krista's as
they communicated with her telepathically. Krista, in particular, had believed
that Sara's strongest telepathic talent would be empathy.
"This is what you do. Hold the arelada
in your hand and try to pour your spirit into it. You will know you are
succeeding, because it will make you acutely aware of yourself. I don't know
how else to explain it. When you reach that stage, you may be aware of other
strong emotion around you. If it is coming from another person, it will be
focused and you will be able to identify the person. If it seems to come from
everywhere, it's coming from the planet-spirit. The best thing you can do in
the beginning is to work with a partner."
"So natives of Earth aren't so
different from us physically that they can't use telepathy," Sara observed
in surprise.
"Not at all. The only advantage you'll
have over the other colonists will be that you've used telepathy before. That,
and the fact that you'll be the one with the arelada." Trendaul explained
several exercises to her as well as he could, feeling frustrated. Speaking was
such an inadequate form of communication. "If your colony does begin
experiencing freak weather or other problems, pour your spirit deeply into the
arelada and then into the planet itself. Then try to communicate with the
planet-spirit and learn what is troubling it."
"How weird. And exciting!"
Trendaul wouldn't have chosen the word
"exciting" to describe an experience communicating with an
out-of-control planet-spirit. "Terrifying" and "horrifying"
were the proper adjectives, but Sara didn't have the education to understand
the true situation. What in the galaxy was he doing? How could he let her go
into such danger? Perhaps he should have allowed David to take her to Annapolis
for a few days. Trendaul immediately expelled that desire. What was he
thinking? David was an idiot if he really thought he could get away with
holding a young woman prisoner in Bancroft Hall.
Trendaul felt a twinge of sadness as he
watched Sara run her finger gingerly over the box of arelada. "If there is
anything I regret, Sara, it's that I wasn't able to give you a proper education
in telepathy."
"Wouldn't we have had to go to Novaun
for that?"
"Yes." He nodded a little,
staring past Sara's shoulder. He had never, for an instant, regretted marrying
Teri, but his marriage to her had complicated his life in many ways. Had he returned
to Novaun and given Sara her Novaunian heritage, he would have denied Teri and
the seven children she had borne their rightful Earthon heritage. On the other
hand, if he didn't return to Novaun soon, anxiety would consume his parents. No
matter what he did, he couldn't give everything he wanted to give to everyone.
"Will you give me a blessing?"
Sara's request didn't surprise Trendaul,
and had it come a day earlier, it would have made him uncomfortable. He had
been both longing for the opportunity and dreading it, wondering what the Lord
would say to Sara, knowing as He did that she had ignored His counsel. She hadn't
changed her mind about Eden, but Trendaul felt confident that she had, at
least, begun to turn around. She loved Cameron and believed his call was
inspired, and that was as much as Trendaul could expect for now. She was as
spiritually ready for a blessing as she had been in months.
Sara scooted to the end of her bed, and
Trendaul positioned himself behind her, laying his hands on her head and
allowing the words to flow. He was astonished to hear himself say things such
as: "Your mother, Krista, watches over you and will go with you to Eden.
Don't be afraid of having more children than you may, at present, think is
natural. You are of a fertile, resilient, long-lived race and will not only
experience excellent health as you bear these beloved spirits, but will rejoice
in this unique opportunity the Lord has given to you. You will be blessed to
meet your Novaunian family . . ."
Trendaul removed his hands from Sara's
head, feeling relieved. What he could not bring himself to tell her about their
heritage the Lord could. Thank you,
Father!
Sara
turned to face him, pulling her knees to her chin, gazing at him in amazement
and fear. "How . . . how long do Novaunians live?" She
held her breath, waiting for his answer.
"About two-hundred years."
Her face was white, with bright pink spots
on her cheekbones. "Which is why you don't look a day over thirty."
Trendaul nodded slowly.
"How many brothers and sisters do you
have?"
"I don't know." And he didn't.
His parents had not been any older than he was now when he had left. They could
have doubled the size of their family in the years he had been gone. "I
was number three of eleven when I left."
Sara's hand trembled violently as she put
it to her mouth with a little gasp. "How many . . .?"
Sara couldn't force the words out, but
Trendaul understood what she wanted to know. "Thirty children seems to be
about average for a couple. Your mother was the last of thirty-one."
Sara looked as if she might pass out.
Trendaul suddenly remembered Dr. Carroll and his absurd vision of Zion. The
thought of Sara and Cameron with thirty children instead of a politically
correct two or three or maybe four
was as hilarious as it was gratifying. He laughed.
Sara hurled her pillow at him. "It isn't
funny, Dad. It's sick!"
The pillow stung when it hit Trendaul in
the chest. Laughing even more hysterically, he threw it back at her, then sat
down on the end of the bed with her, immediately causing the head of the bed to
fly up. He jumped off of the bed as the bed set itself back down with a thump.
Even Sara's anger didn't have a chance then. She couldn't keep herself from
laughing too.
"I'm sorry, Sara. I just couldn't help
but think of Benjamin Carroll and his 'sustainable growth' policy regarding
childbearing."
Sara suddenly stopped laughing and her eyes
became enormous.
"Now, are you absolutely sure you still want to go?"
*
At four o'clock Trendaul, Teri, and Sara
loaded Sara's luggage, along with Daniel and Zack, into the van and headed to
the Zarrists' base of operations, leaving the rest of the children to get
themselves off to seminary and school. Teri turned the air conditioner on at
full blast to keep herself awake and ended up keeping Trendaul awake also. Sara
slept in one of the back seats. As far as Trendaul could tell, David never had
come back to the house. He wondered if David would turn up at the spaceport.
When Tohmazz Zarr had first made contact
with the United States and asked for permission to meet with the President, he
and his entourage had been instructed to land at Andrews Air Force Base in
Prince George's County, Maryland. For many months, the government had refused
the Zarrists permission to land their spacecraft anywhere other than Andrews.
From there, they had flown their aircars to and from various air force bases
around the world. The Zarrists were so cooperative with the government and so
seemingly harmless that eventually the government allowed them to build their
own spaceport on farmland they had purchased in P.G. County.
Now the Zarrists flew their space shuttles
between their fleet and the base in P.G. County, and from that base, they flew
their aircars into airports and spaceports all over the planet. The Zarrists
were working with NASA and other space organizations around the world to build
new ships and stations to use both in colonizing Earth's solar system and in
defending Earth from enemy invasion. To accommodate the increased space
traffic, the Zarrists were building a mammoth new spaceport, along with a city,
in western Missouri, east of Independence and just north of Odessa. The city's
name was Tryamazz, and its spaceport was supposed to be in operation by the
beginning of the year.
At about five-thirty Trendaul and Teri
arrived at the P.G. County spaceport. David was already there, waiting with
Ashley Carroll and appearing exhausted and miserable.
Cameron met Trendaul and his family immediately, giving Sara a hug.
Benjamin Carroll watched Sara and Cameron from his position in line at a
check-in station, appearing amused. He seemed so amused, in fact, his stance so
arrogant, that apprehension consumed Trendaul. Benjamin Carroll wasn't behaving
normally, either like a father interested in his son or a spurned suitor. He
looked as if he thought of himself as a conqueror, and there was no
justification for it. What was going on in that disturbed mind of his?
Cameron took one of Sara's crates and led
her to the place in line where members of his family were standing. Sara and
Benjamin Carroll embraced in a natural, affectionate way that made Trendaul's
skin crawl. He bit down hard on the inside of his lower lip to keep himself
from vocalizing his outrage, within moments tasting blood.
Trendaul felt Teri dig her fingernails into
his arm and knew that he would probably cheer if she berated the man right then
and there. It was a nightmare, an utter nightmare. How could they stand by and
allow this to happen? On the other hand, how could they intervene if they
wanted to part with Sara with any degree of affection? If they humiliated and
enraged her now, they were as good as throwing her right at this man they so
despised.
The man squeezed Sara's hands as they
withdrew from each other and smiled radiantly. "I'll have to say, Sara,
that you're certainly the loveliest of Cameron's many interesting
revelations."
"Thank you, Dr. Carroll," Sara
replied, pleased.
"She's also a fabulous return on my
investment," Barbara Carroll said to her husband, giving Sara a quick hug.
"I select a student, and she turns out to be the one young lady capable of
cheering up our unhappy son."
"I'm doing my best," Sara said,
smiling at Cameron as they clasped hands.
As Sara and the Carrolls stepped up to one
of the many check-in stations, David seized Ashley's shoulders and begged,
"Please don't go. You can stay here and go to school."
Ashley's tired green eyes were filled with
sadness. She touched David's cheek and shook her head. "It's too late for
that."
Trendaul couldn't believe what he was
witnessing. David and Ashley had flirted shamelessly all evening, but Trendaul
hadn't seen anything to lead him to believe either one of them was interested
in anything but a few hours of diversion. What had happened after David and
Ashley had left? Surely David didn't really think he could persuade Ashley to
remain on Earth. Even if she wanted to stay, Trendaul doubted her parents would
allow it at this late date. Was David some kind of masochist?
"You can't go! It's wrong!" David
insisted, giving her a little shake.
"I don't have any choice." Ashley
gently touched her lips to David's, and he responded reverently.
Teri watched the two impatiently, as if she
wanted to shout, "How dare you
lead that girl on!" Sara was dumbfounded. The elder Carrolls were
oblivious to everything but assuring that all of their light blue boxes were
properly labeled. Adam and Brandon exchanged annoyed glances. Cameron blushed
but couldn't tear his eyes away. Trendaul wasn't certain, but he thought
Cameron appeared envious.
After a few moments Ashley and David
withdrew from the kiss and gazed at each other desolately. "I'll never
forget you, David."
David moved his hands from Ashley's
shoulders to her back, pulling her close in a caressing embrace. "Please
don't leave me . . ."
Teri shook her head and moaned. Sara looked
away in embarrassment. Adam started making gagging noises. Brandon looked right
at Trendaul and protested, "It's not our fault our sister's a tramp."
Cameron erupted with laughter, and within a second, all of the reluctant
witnesses were in hysterics. Trendaul allowed himself to laugh as boisterously
as Cameron and did feel a little better afterward.
Eventually Benjamin Carroll took Sara's
boxes and presented them for inspection under the "scanners." Of
course the Zarrists, who were willing to sell the Earthons all the knowledge
they possessed except their telepathic secrets, didn't tell the Earthons that
what they called "scanners" were really Awareness monitors, devices
used in conjunction with arelada to telepathically examine objects from the
inside out. Nor did they tell the Earthons that they used this technology in
their "divine" activities of cleansing the minds of criminals,
healing people physically, and repairing and rearranging land.
Trendaul wondered where the Zarrists were
getting their arelada. Had they found something on Earth to trade with the
Senlanans? The Erdeanians? Pearls perhaps? Or chocolate? When would the other
Diron fleets show up to collect their share of the spoils? The thought
frightened him. The Earthons had no idea what kind of enemies they were making
by allying with Zarr.
Once Sara's boxes were labeled and on their
way to the shuttle, Benjamin Carroll motioned Sara and his children forward.
Ashley reluctantly withdrew from David, kissing him one last time on the cheek,
then took her place in the Awareness monitor booth after Adam and Brandon.
Sara hugged David first. "Thanks for
being here. I really hope you don't get in trouble."
David kissed Sara's cheek. "Don't
worry about it. I prepared for this."
"You always were the ideal Boy Scout."
Sara squeezed David one more time and kissed his cheek.
"You have no idea how many hearts you're
breaking at the Yard," David said dismally.
"It's your own fault!" Sara said
as she pulled away from David. "You're the one who keeps introducing me to
R.M. mids."
"You were supposed to fall in love
with one of them and stay home!"
Sara laughed at David and groaned at the
same time.
Trendaul had worried for years Sara would
become serious about one of these young Earthon men and that he would be forced
to leave her behind if he decided to return to Novaun. At the same time,
though, he had watched her date with interest. Had she grown up in Shalaun on
Novaun, surrounded by Fleet families such as his and Krista's, she would have
dated young men similar to the ones she had dated here.
Of course none of it mattered now. Sara had
entangled her destiny with Cameron and his troubled family and would now never
marry a nice Fleet boy from Shalaun. It was one of the prices Trendaul paid for
taking the assignment on Earth to begin with. Had he not been so fond of
Cameron and grateful to him for agreeing to be the bishop of the Eden Colony
Ward, he might have been angry with Krista for insisting they come to Earth.
Trendaul diverted his attention to Cameron,
who waited near the Awareness monitor, his eyes on Sara with love, his fingers
drumming his thighs in apprehension. He didn't like hearing about all of Sara's
midshipmen friends. The warmth Trendaul felt for Cameron increased tenfold, and
he knew more strongly than ever that Cameron and Sara would make each other
happy, despite the fact that the marriage would mean he would lose Sara to
Earth forever. Was this what the Pierces felt when they looked at him?
As Sara embraced Teri, Trendaul approached
Cameron and held out his arms. Cameron hugged him tightly, unabashedly.
"You'll never know how much our time together has meant to me."
Trendaul still marveled at this gift the
Lord had given to him. "And you'll never know what it's meant to me."
"I love Sara; you know that now. I've
loved her since I was fourteen. I won't let you down."
Trendaul withdrew, nodding. "I know
that too."
When Trendaul finally hugged Sara, he
clutched her to him as if he would never see her again. "Have a good life.
Please." He couldn't rid himself of a feeling of foreboding. Sara hovered
on the edge of a chasm, and Trendaul could nothing to stop her from diving in.
Cameron took Sara's hand and moved her into
the scanner booth. "So you've been dating the brigade, have you?" he
playfully accused.
He was jealous! That both surprised and
pleased Sara. "I've made a lot of friends." Sara noticed Ashley
waiting impatiently outside of the booth for them.
"So the only way I was going to get
you to stay on Earth was to let you fall in love with a midshipman and break my
heart."
Sara wasn't about to tell Cameron that she
had been far more inclined to fall in love with Tony Wright than any of David's
midshipman friends. She was still surprised that Tony had perceived her
feelings for Cameron as long ago as he had. She couldn't help but suspect that
he had been interested in her in the beginning, which was why he had been
observing her so closely. She was relieved that Tony had never asked her about
Cameron. She knew she would have told him everything, and it would have made
them closer. She had no doubt that, once Cameron showed up, she would have hurt
Tony.
Sara stepped out of the booth into a wide
walkway between shuttle gates and their corresponding lobbies. She turned
slightly to look at Cameron as he stepped out of the booth behind her. She
still grieved that she had hurt him by not asking him to dance. "I would
never knowingly break your heart, Cameron."
Cameron rested his hands on her shoulders
and moved her forward, speaking softly into her ear, "And I will never
break yours."
The depth of Cameron's sincerity woke Sara
up to the realization that they were making promises to each other they might
not be able to keep. "I think it may be too soon to say such things."
Cameron took her hand in his, smiling, as
they began walking. "Do you mean what you say, or don't you?"
"Of course I mean what I say."
"And so do I."
"Perhaps there's such a thing as too
much honesty," Sara said in a light-hearted way. "We should pretend
to be normal and play meaningless games with each other for a while. You know,
flirt."
"I don't think either one of us has
the ability to flirt."
Ashley approached them. "I'll teach
you to flirt," she said, a hint of bitterness in her voice. "I'm an
expert."
Cameron shrugged. "Go for it."
"Right now, Cameron, you're supposed
to say something like: 'How many of those midshipmen did you kiss?'"
Sara looked at Cameron meaningfully. After
everything that had happened between them the day before, he would, had he been
paying any attention at all, already know the answer to that question.
Cameron smiled back at her in a confident way.
Of course he knew. "And how should Sara respond to a question like
that?"
"First of all, she should never, ever
answer that kind of question directly. She should say something like: 'With my
mind so full of you right now, how could I possibly remember?'"
Cameron nodded decisively. "That
settles it. I'll take forthrightness over flirting any day." He laughed in
delight.
Sara wanted to laugh too, but she didn't
feel right leaving Ashley out of the joke. "You have to understand,
Ashley, that David told Cameron he would have to teach me how to kiss, so you
see, Cameron already knows how many midshipmen I kissed."
"It figures," Ashley said with a
moan. "Sara, you don't belong here. Go home now, while you still have a
chance."
"What exactly happened between you and
David last night, anyway?" Sara asked.
"David sat up all night with Ashley
talking," Cameron said. They strolled toward the flight gate assigned to
the Eleventh Colony, passing members of the International Star Force along with
others going to Eden in one of the fifteen colonies.
"Talking," Sara said knowingly,
squeezing Cameron's hand.
"Talking," Ashley insisted.
"David is a tyrant," Sara
explained. "Don't misunderstand me--I love him to death--but you can't let
him get to you."
"He is passionate," Ashley
admitted, "and persuasive."
"And he put doubts into your mind
about Eden," Cameron said.
Ashley nodded. "It had never occurred
to me that going to Eden might be wrong and it should have."
"You're right," Cameron gently
chided. "It should have. You could have stayed behind if you had wanted to
badly enough."
"I wish . . ."
Ashley shook her head. "It hardly matters now what I wish. It isn't too
late for you yet, Sara."
"But I don't have someone like David
to go home to," Sara teased, losing sight of the rest of the Carroll
family in the crowd.
"And you do have Cameron to go to Eden
for. I'm not sure he's worth it."
"Whether he's worth it or not is
irrelevant. I made the decision to go to Eden months ago, and I made it with
the understanding that I wouldn't see Cameron for another two years. The fact
that he's going with us after all is a bonus. It doesn't change the
essentials."
"Sara, you have to be the most candid
person I've ever met," Ashley observed.
"Like a spray of cool water on a muggy
summer day," Cameron murmured in agreement.
"You're easily impressed."
"Modest too." Ashley turned and
stepped in front of Sara, bringing both Sara and Cameron to a halt. Ashley patted
Sara's cheek. "Look at you! You're so honest and real you don't even wear
makeup!"
Sara grinned. "That's because my mom
said, and this is a direct quote, 'If you ever dare cover your gorgeous lashes with mascara I'll make you wear a
black cape and plastic fangs to complete the look!'"
Cameron turned to face Sara. "Your
mother's right." His voice softened as he caressed Sara's cheek and
temple, ever so gently brushing his fingertips over her eyelashes. "To
cover those lashes would be a crime."
Feeling Cameron's fingertips on her face was
almost more than Sara could bear. She returned Cameron's admiring gaze,
breathless and trembling. She could feel her heartbeat pounding through her
body, and she knew that if Cameron didn't take her into his arms soon, she
would probably explode.
Several moments passed before Sara realized
that she was gripping Cameron's bare arm. When she moved her hand, she saw
white marks where her fingers had pressed into his skin and little indentations
left by her nails. She felt herself blush. All he had done was say something
kind, and she had responded like a wild animal. So much for being discreet!
What in the galaxy was she supposed to say to him now, with Ashley right there?
She spun around and began walking again.
Within seconds both Cameron and Ashley
caught up to her. Sara felt Cameron rest his hands on her waist. A moment later
his arms were around her and he was kissing her neck. "I had no idea you
were so prim," he whispered. "I expected you to draw blood!"
Sara smiled and leaned into his arms,
tilting her head back and nuzzling up to him, kissing his cheek. "So you
prefer a wild animal instead of a discreet young lady."
Cameron kissed her jaw. "I don't see
anyone in the colony but Ashley, and we don't have to be discreet around
her." He turned Sara around so that he could kiss her lips. Sara returned
his kiss eagerly. "I prefer you, my passionate queen," he murmured.
"Oh, you two are hopeless!"
Ashley said, finally smiling. "Sara, you should have said: 'So you like
wild animals, do you?' And Cameron, you were supposed to say: 'The wilder the
better!' And then Sara, you would say: 'I can be as wild as you want me to be!'
Boys like it when you're a little suggestive. It makes them crazy!"
Cameron squeezed Sara and released her,
taking her hand again. "I'd rather say: 'Sara, I'm wild about you!'"
"I'm wild about you too,
Cameron!"
"You're gushing, guys," Ashley
said with a chuckle. "It's unsophisticated."
"I've never tried to be
sophisticated," Cameron said, more to Sara than to Ashley.
"I guess we really are hopeless!"
Sara said.
"Please don't keep Cameron in suspense
too long," Ashley said to Sara, far too seriously. "He needs you, and
you'll be happy with him."
Sara replied with equal seriousness,
"You seem awfully sure Cameron and I aren't just mutually infatuated with
each other."
"Infatuated?" Ashley said in
surprise. "You? Two people so
lacking in shallowness that flirting
is painful? Do you want time to learn his faults? Is that it?"
"Don't do this, Ashley!" Cameron
warned.
"Oh, shut up, Cameron! She won't care
that you're a slob, and that you yell at everyone when you can't find something
you've misplaced because you're such a slob, and that you're always losing or
ruining your ties and shirts, because you're such a slob."
"The king of class is a slob?"
Sara said dramatically. "Say it isn't so!"
"Ashley's right. I am a slob,"
Cameron admitted.
"And in a few years he'll be a fat slob, because he's addicted to chili
dogs. He eats them all the time, which is why he's always ruining his
ties."
"I bought some inexpensive ties once,
but Mother threw them away before I had a chance to ruin them."
"She threw away perfectly good
ties?"
"Oh, that's nothing," Ashley
said. "When I gained five pounds, she threw away the box of chocolates my
boyfriend gave to me."
"And took away her car."
Sara couldn't believe anyone would throw
away clothing that could easily be given to charity. "Stop it! I may be
honest, but I'm not gullible!"
"And what would your mother have done
if you had gained five pounds?" Ashley shot back as they stopped just
short of their flight gate.
"If Sara gained five pounds, it would
be all muscle," Cameron said. "She would look more terrific than ever
and even our mother wouldn't notice
the weight difference."
"Cameron's right," Sara said.
"And as far as my mom goes, I've heard her claim that after ten
pregnancies and seven babies she's earned every extra pound she has and will
wear them with dignity. I don't think she would comment if I let myself get out
of shape."
"Go home, Sara," Ashley urged,
walking away and leaving her alone with Cameron.
"David really got to her."
"I wish she had met him sooner."
"My mom would have discouraged David
from getting involved with her. She's too young."
"Technically speaking, your mother
would have been right," Cameron said. "But Ashley's never gone out
with someone of David's caliber. He's exceptional. The kind of man who commands
respect."
"Commands
is the operative word here."
*
Cameron asked Sara to introduce him to some
of the colonists, and at first she dreaded the prospect. From her time with the
colonists online, she knew that they were, as a rule, opinionated and frank and
had no tolerance for leaders they couldn't respect. Sara wasn't sure she could
endure witnessing Cameron being criticized by the other colonists or worse,
shunned. Her dread, however, quickly disappeared; the various colonists she and
Cameron approached that morning received their greetings warmly.
Lisa Marshall, the colony artist and wife
of the elders quorum president, gave Cameron a hug. "It's good to meet
you, Bishop. Sara, you keep him out of trouble."
Sean Marshall extended his hand to Cameron,
then Sara. "Weren't you fortunate, Bishop, to find such a lovely young
lady among the colonists!"
Todd Jarrett, the general surgeon, slapped
Cameron on the arm in a friendly way. "Eden will be a wonderful place to
start a family."
His wife Linda, the obstetrician, smiled in
satisfaction and squeezed Sara's hand. "Our reluctant bishop won't be able
to help loving Eden if you're there, Sara."
Everyone Sara and Cameron talked to treated
them kindly and seemed to be willing to give Cameron a chance. When the time
came to finally board the shuttle, Cameron's mother waved at them to join her
and the rest of the family.
"Well, son," Dr. Carroll said to
Cameron, smiling, "I have a feeling that you're breaking a lot of hearts
with your attention to Sara."
"A woman who doesn't know me can't
have a heart that's too brittle, at least not with regard to me," Cameron
said pleasantly.
"You're ruthless."
"No, he's perceptive and
generous," Sara said lightly, "because I'm the only woman in the
colony whose heart really would be broken if he chose someone else."
Dr. Carroll's eyebrows shot up. "You
just met him last night, Sara."
Sister Carroll shook her head in
hopelessness. "Stop teasing them, Ben."
"So they hadn't actually talked to
each other," Ashley said. "A technicality."
Sister Carroll nodded. "And what young
woman in the colony could possibly have more in common with him than Sara
does?"
Dr. Carroll glanced at his wife, his smile
fading. "Well, he'll never know, will he, if he spends all of his time
with Sara."
Sister Carroll rolled her eyes and
impatiently waved her hand in her husband's direction. "Don't listen to
your father, Cameron. He would like to keep you a little boy forever. Now that
you've completed your mission, a girlfriend is legal. Enjoy yourself!"
Sara smiled up at Cameron. "Did you
hear that? We're legal."
Cameron drew Sara into his arms. "Now
that you're officially mine, I'd better not neglect you." He brushed his
lips against her forehead.
Dr. Carroll didn't smile. "If you
continue referring to her as if she's your possession, Cameron, she's likely to
leave you for a more progressive man."
Sara kissed Cameron's neck. "Don't be
absurd, Dr. Carroll. Cameron had better think of me as his, because he's
mine--all mine--and the sooner everyone in the colony understands that, the
better we'll all get along!"
Ashley grinned. "It sounds as if you're
both possessed!"
"Happily possessed," Cameron
agreed, keeping his arm around Sara until they boarded the shuttle.
*
Sara spent many pleasant moments with
Cameron and his family on the shuttle and on the Eden transport once they
boarded. The transport had been a community ship for Zarr's people and so
provided the three thousand people destined for Eden with many comforts a
military ship would not have provided. Dr. Carroll's unmarried students lived
in dormitories, but all of the families had been provided with large,
multi-room cabins. While not in classes to learn about all of the new equipment
they would be using once they arrived on Eden, the colonists relaxed in lounges
and entertainment rooms, getting to know each other better and sampling the
strange new food that came out of the ship's synthesizing machines.
During the first week on the transport, Dr.
Carroll spent many hours with the leaders of Control Colony and with the
leaders of their own Eleventh Colony. Cameron kept himself busy with his uncle,
a former professor at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and the colony's
team of engineers learning how to operate and program the colony's synthesizing
machines. While he did spend time in meetings with his counselors and other
ward leaders, he seemed to be more interested at first in mingling with the
colonists and getting to know them. Barbara Carroll put Sara and Russ Brodsky
to work interviewing key colonists and writing articles for their first colony
newspaper.
Now and then Sara and Cameron found an
empty corner somewhere and sat whispering to each other with their heads
together and arms intertwined. Sara wanted to know all about Cameron's mission,
and he wanted to know about her two years at BYU and how she had come to be one
of the colonists. Cameron wouldn't, however, tell Sara about his week in the
temple with her father or about his meeting with the prophet.
"Not yet," he said mysteriously.
"When?" she begged.
"After everything else has been
said."
"Didn't you tell your parents about
your interview with the prophet?"
"I gave them an abridged version that
wouldn't begin to satisfy your curiosity. Or my need to confide in you."
By Thursday, Sara's fear that Cameron
wouldn't be capable of uniting with the other colonists had faded. If he believed
the colonists were apostates, he refrained from saying it, always treating them
with affection and respect, and the colonists themselves treated him with
kindness or at least civility.
Just when Sara began thinking Cameron was
softening toward The Equality of Zion, he shocked her by refusing to attend the
United Hearts Forum his father had called for that evening. He told her his
plan when they were leaving the dormitory dining room after dinner.
She stopped abruptly and turned to face
him, dropping his hand. "But this is a vital colony meeting! It's where we
share our feelings and concerns and become involved with each other and
united!"
Cameron backed away from her slightly and
leaned against the wall, which had been painted to look like a field by the
side of a country road, complete with a rustic split-rail fence. "I don't
think it's healthy to share too much
in a large group like that. A lot of things ought to remain private."
How could Cameron have been raised in his
father's home and have such an aversion to group intimacy? "But the forums
are the foundation of our new society. You have to participate!"
"And I will participate. In the Colony
Assembly. I might actually enjoy being a part of making our new laws." He
folded his arms, as if he perceived she didn't wish him to touch her and wanted
to assure her he wouldn't try.
"What about the People's Jury?"
Sara's voice became loud and anxious. "Don't tell me you don't intend to
participate in that either!"
"Actually, I don't. To be honest, I
don't like the idea of dealing with law infractions in an open forum--I can't
help but think it'll lead to nothing but chaos and injustice--but that's beside
the point. Because of my calling, I'm going to know sensitive things about people
that I won't be able to tell anyone, let alone make public in an open forum. So
you see, it would be wrong for me to be involved in the People's Jury."
Sara forced herself to calm down. She
couldn't bear to argue with him. "When you put it that way . . .
I suppose you're right. Still, there's nothing keeping you from the United
Hearts Forum. What do you have against it, anyway?"
"The United Hearts Forum sounds like a
cross between a testimony meeting from a horror movie and a giant group therapy
session, and I have no stomach for it."
Had there been a trace of sarcasm in his
voice, Sara would have thought he was goading her. He had, however, simply
given her an honest answer to her question. She suppressed her urge to fire a
retort and said quietly, "I think you would change your mind if you'd just
give it a chance."
Cameron shook his head. "I don't think
so. I have a feeling this 'vital colony meeting' is going to turn into a 'let's
criticize the bishop' meeting. I don't need that."
"You're wrong." Sara turned and
strode away, leaving him there alone in the corridor, leaning against his
make-believe fence.
Cameron didn't change his mind, and Sara
went to the Star Lounge for the forum feeling disturbed and angry with him for
being so bullheaded. That evening Dr. Carroll himself led the discussion, even
though as governor he would preside primarily over the People's Jury. In the
future Second Assistant Ann Eagle, the colony's clinical psychologist, would
conduct the United Hearts Forum.
Dr. Eagle and First Assistant Rachel Vance
stood with Dr. Carroll in the center of the huge, domed room, answering
questions and calling on people to speak. Sara listened as the colonists, one
by one, expressed their hopes for the colony mingled with frustration at the
way Cameron and President Grant had influenced so many to drop out. The colony
had lost six professionals and ten students on Sunday evening alone. Four more
students hadn't shown up Monday morning to get on the shuttle, along with a single
parent family, leaving a deficit in the colony of seven professionals--the two
physical education specialists, a secondary school teacher, the cosmetologist,
the meteorologist, a mechanical engineer, and the dental hygienist.
Now many students would not have mentors in
their chosen fields, and many of the professionals would not have students to
teach. Dr. Carroll and his assistants spent much of the time reassuring
everyone that the colony would function efficiently, despite this initial setback.
They asked everyone to be cooperative and flexible while they worked to
reorganize.
The colonists were uncomfortable with
Cameron's reluctance to be a part of the colony and were afraid he would
continue to be a source of conflict. "He is a self-righteous rebel, Ben," Sister Vance said, agreeing
with the opinion stated in different forms by many of the colonists. With her
perfectly tailored burgundy suit and short classic haircut, Sister Vance looked
every bit the U.S. Congresswoman she had been.
"He already made it clear that he has no
intention of following your leadership," added Dr. Duane Vance, former law
professor at Georgetown University and future president of the Eleventh Colony's
college.
The more Sara heard, the more troubled she
felt. Cameron had been right. The forum really was deteriorating into a
"let's criticize the bishop" meeting. Why wasn't Dr. Carroll guiding
the discussion into more positive territory?
Finally Barbara Carroll spoke up, her tone
one of conviction, "You have nothing to fear from Cameron. He doesn't want
to go to Eden, it's true, but he respects his father, and he isn't stupid. He
knows he'll get nowhere in his calling if he doesn't work with us."
"Then why isn't he here?" Marc
demanded. He was so close to the perimeter of the lounge that he appeared to be
surrounded by stars.
"Because he doesn't see the importance
of these forums yet," replied Sister Eagle. "But don't worry about
it. His mother is right. He just needs a little time." Sister Eagle's
straight, reddish blond hair fell loosely on her shoulders, and she was wearing
casual slacks, sandals, and a loose cotton blouse. Next to Sister Vance, she
almost looked like a hick.
"He's an excellent boy," Dr.
Carroll said. "He's intelligent and fanatically virtuous, and so
submissive and respectful some people might describe him as docile. He's always
been the perfect son--so perfect we hardly knew he was there. He's no threat to
what we're doing."
Emptiness shadowed Sara's heart. So perfect
they hardly knew he was there? What did that mean? Was Dr. Carroll really
referring to Cameron, this young man who had been such a powerful presence in
her own life for six years? He was dazzling, like the sun, and impossible to
ignore. How could they have hardly known he was there? Sara couldn't decide
whether Dr. Carroll was defending Cameron or criticizing him.
Dr. Trevor Carroll agreed with his brother.
"What Ben says about Cameron is true. It's not in his nature to be a
rebel, and he is intelligent. He'll come around. He has no choice."
"In the meantime, we'll follow him as
far as we are able," Dr. Carroll said.
"Just remember, he's here to organize
the ward, not to govern the colony," Sister Vance assured.
Did they expect Cameron to be a puppet? Or
a performing dog? Sara wanted Cameron to capture the vision of Eden as much as
anyone else did, but not at that price. Sara raised her hand. Dr. Carroll
motioned to her, smiling. "Go ahead, Sara."
"It disturbs me to hear Cameron
described as insignificant. He was called by God to be our spiritual leader,
and he will continue to do what he's always done--what he believes is right. He
should be respected, not ignored or indulged."
There. She had registered her protest. At
least none of them would ever think she didn't admire Cameron enough to speak
up for him.
Barbara laughed gently, as did many others,
and exchanged glances with Cyndi Carroll, Cameron's aunt and the certified
nurse midwife of the colony. "I think it's true love," Barbara said
to the group from her gray-blue overstuffed chair near the center of the
lounge. Then she looked over at Sara and winked.
Sara felt like an idiot. Maybe she was
overreacting. Even though she couldn't believe Dr. Carroll had meant the phrase
"we hardly knew he was there" to be taken literally, she couldn't get
it out of her mind. What would Cameron have thought had he attended the forum?
For a moment she was furious he wasn't there, then, just as suddenly, she was
relieved that he hadn't heard his father's comments.
"I feel uncomfortable looking to our
new bishop as the colony's spiritual leader just yet," Sister Vance said.
"No one can dispute the fact that he was called by the proper authority,
but something must be lacking in his ability to receive inspiration if he
couldn't even choose counselors who would remain a part of the colony."
"She's right," said Patricia
Dixon, the landscape artist.
"Well said," added Scott Ireland,
the colony clerk, accompanied by nods and murmurs of agreement.
Sara looked to Tony to defend Cameron, but
he said nothing. He met her gaze for a moment, then averted his eyes and stared
at the carpet in a pensive way. Disappointment seared through her, burning away
a portion of the respect she had felt for Tony. She longed for David. He wouldn't
hesitate to stand and defend Cameron against these unjust charges.
Sara sprang out of her chair. "What is
this?" she demanded, trying to look into the eyes of as many of the
colonists as she could. "Just because things didn't turn out exactly the
way you thought they should, you assume our bishop is uninspired? We might as
well accuse Dr. Carroll of being uninspired since he's the one who chose those
people to be a part of the colony to begin with! I happen to know that Cameron
himself wasn't surprised when some of the men dropped out. It's not my place to
say more. If you have questions about that issue, why don't you ask him
directly instead of criticizing him behind his back?"
"We would ask him about it if he were
here!" Brother Vance said.
The Vances were already at the top of Sara's
list of people to avoid, and that alone irritated her. She had participated in
the passionate online discussions about colony law with them often and had
never known either one of them to be so nasty. Of course, during her time
online, she had been one of a hundred students who had looked to them as the
colony's leaders, not the preferred companion of a bishop they couldn't stand.
Sara turned and glared at Brother Vance.
"Cameron's been here for four days! He doesn't need to attend the forum to
hear your concerns." She waved her hand at Ryan Farrow. "He has an
executive secretary. Make an appointment!"
Brother Vance's pale blue eyes looked like
ice. Sara doubted it had ever occurred to him that he should make an
appointment with a twenty-year-old or that he was accustomed to being spoken to
in such a defiant way by a student. He managed, however, to keep his voice
calm. "Perhaps he's spending too much time with his girlfriend to be
available to the ward." His face was as smooth as Dr. Carroll's was, but
his hair was pure white, giving him an ageless appearance that was as unnerving
as it was striking. Sara wondered whether he had ever been young.
"It isn't right for a bishop to be
unmarried," muttered Anita Ireland, the electrical engineer.
"A wife wouldn't get in his way so
much," agreed Mike Dixon, the construction specialist.
Sara believed that if she were consuming
most of Cameron's time and energy, the colonists would be justified in being
upset about it, but as it was, their complaints were ludicrous. She stared down
one whiner, then the other. "So a bishop isn't allowed to have a personal
life, is that it? And when he does get married, it's okay for him to ignore his
wife? Is that what you're saying?" Sara again addressed the colony as a
group: "I don't know about any of the rest of you, but I've never heard or
read a definition of 'bishop' which included the word 'slave'!"
Sara knew now that Cameron had been right
to stay away from the forum. His father thought he was submissive, did he?
Cameron was what some people would consider docile, was he? Nothing could be
further from the truth! By refusing to attend the forum, Cameron displayed
incredible self-assurance and strength of will. He was serving the colonists,
but he was doing it on his own terms, and the colonists themselves perceived
it. How could his father not see it too? Or did he just not want to admit the
truth?
The admiration Sara already felt for
Cameron soared, and she knew in a way she had not known before that what she
felt for Cameron was deeper than infatuation.
"Sara's claims are legitimate,"
Dr. Carroll said. "Cameron is not our slave. He does have the right to a
personal life, and he has been called by God to be our spiritual leader."
Dr. Carroll slowly moved toward Sara as he
spoke. "I feel impressed, however, to acknowledge the fact that Brother
Vance's claim is equally legitimate. Our bishop has discarded a prime
opportunity to answer your concerns by refusing to attend this forum. Sister
Vance's reluctance to accept Cameron as the colony's spiritual leader just yet
is also understandable. We all know that it takes more than an ordination to
make a man a true spiritual leader. Whether our new bishop rises to the call or
not is up to him. My hope is that as a colony, we will give our new bishop the
respect he deserves."
Dr. Carroll laid his hand on Sara's
shoulder with just enough pressure to encourage her to sit down, which she did.
"And if my son can earn the same respect from all of us that he has earned
from this young lady, he will be a very loved bishop indeed!" He gave Sara's
shoulder an affectionate squeeze.
Most of the colonists laughed, and many of
them cheered and applauded. Sara thought Dr. Carroll's words should have
mollified her, but she felt more troubled than ever. The colonists seemed so
eager to both ignore and indulge her because she was the bishop's girlfriend.
Why hadn't any of Cameron's counselors or family members backed her up?
Sara looked at Tony again, wondering what
he was thinking. Tony didn't laugh, but looked right at her, not at her eyes,
but at something below her face, and she became aware that Dr. Carroll's hand
had moved to her back, his thumb nestled in the nape of her neck.
Before Sara could catch Tony's eye, Dr.
Carroll whispered in her ear: "Wait for me here after the meeting. I'd
like to talk with you alone."
Sara turned toward Dr. Carroll slightly,
questioning him with her eyes. He patted her shoulder and straightened,
smiling, then moved away from her a few paces and brought the forum to a close.
Many of the colonists lingered in the star
lounge after the forum, chatting with each other and embracing Dr. Carroll and
Barbara. Sara's feelings toward Dr. Carroll at the moment were not friendly,
and she didn't want to talk to him, but walking out on the governor of the
colony wasn't an option. She didn't want to talk to anyone until she'd had time
to think and so slipped away from the group of students she had been sitting
with and went to the perimeter of the lounge to stand alone and gaze at the
stars.
Awhile later, Sara felt hands on her
shoulders. For an instant she thought the person standing behind her was
Cameron and relaxed. Hearing Dr. Carroll's voice instead of Cameron's, her
muscles tensed. "This is the first time in over a week we've been alone to
talk," he said softly.
Sara turned to face him, at the same time
backing away from his touch, still irritated. The more she thought about what
had happened in the forum, the more it appeared that Dr. Carroll had been
attempting to discredit Cameron, and yet a benevolent man like Dr. Carroll
wouldn't do something like that, especially to his own son. What was she
supposed to believe? "You've been incredibly busy and so have I."
"Busy encouraging my son to fall in
love with you."
He seemed displeased. Sara folded her arms,
annoyed and a little hurt by his objection to her relationship with Cameron.
"You can't very well disapprove of me, Dr. Carroll. I may not be the
elegant woman you envisioned for Cameron, but you did choose me to be a part of
your colony."
Dr. Carroll stared down at her. "You
know good and well that I don't disapprove of you. And no. I've never
envisioned Cameron with a woman of your brilliance and vehemence. Since the
sweet, saintly type of girl perfect for Cameron doesn't exist in this colony, I've
been forced to change that particular vision."
"You are nothing if not
pragmatic," Sara said coolly. She didn't know what annoyed her more--the
implication that Cameron didn't want or deserve a passionate, intelligent woman
or the possibility that a sweet, more sedate woman really would be more perfect
for Cameron than she.
"We're all forced to be pragmatic at
times." He surveyed her, pondering. When he spoke again, he seemed less
annoyed and more relaxed. "You shouldn't feel you have to defend Cameron.
You'll feel more liberated emotionally if, instead of trying to come to Cameron's
rescue, you admit you're troubled by his inability to appreciate The Equality
of Zion."
"If I'd wanted to liberate my emotions
tonight, I would have spent the evening with Cameron instead of attending the
forum."
"You aren't troubled by Cameron's
point of view?"
"Yes, I am troubled by it, but I
believe it would be disloyal of me to discuss it publicly. I certainly would
never insult him the way so many did tonight in the forum. It galled me the way
everyone took shots at him behind his back, and I don't appreciate the fact
that I now seem to have no credibility. I thought the United Hearts Forum was
designed to give everyone in the
colony 'Equal Expression' and be a healing, empowering experience. The opposite
happened to me. I don't think I've ever, in my life, been so offended."
Dr. Carroll raised an eyebrow. "You
were offended."
It sounded like a challenge. Sara threw up
her arms and demanded, "What does it mean to be 'fanatically virtuous,'
anyway? Is that supposed to be a compliment or a criticism? And you claimed
Cameron was such a perfect son that you 'hardly knew he was there.' What was
that supposed to mean? How could you 'hardly know' your magnificent son was
there? Are we talking about the same person?"
Dr. Carroll stepped toward Sara. He gripped
her wrists, drawing her closer, his voice quiet and calm: "This from you,
who never, in six years, even spoke to Cameron?"
Sara refused to allow him to disarm her and
she would not apologize for something that had been nothing more than a
misunderstanding between her and Cameron. She met Dr. Carroll's gaze without
flinching. "I was not his father. I was simply a girl who was terrified to
approach a boy I adored."
Dr. Carroll's eyes bore into hers.
"Sara Alexander, my Little Panther, was terrified of my son, that gentle
boy who wouldn't step on an ant if he could avoid it?"
Why did he sound so skeptical? Sara relaxed
her arms and rotated her wrists, slipping them out of Dr. Carroll's hands.
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"No, Sara. No. Of course not."
Dr. Carroll shook his head. "But I just can't help but wonder whether you
were really as much in love with Cameron as you remember yourself being."
Sara regarded him in surprise. "You're
suggesting that I'm projecting my current feelings for Cameron into the past?
That somehow I've convinced myself that I felt something I really didn't
feel?"
"Exactly."
Sara wanted to laugh but didn't dare.
"Trust me on this one, Dr. Carroll. I've been in love with your son for
six years." Was this why he had wanted to talk with her? To discuss her
relationship with Cameron?
"You're not willing to consider the
possibility that I may be right?"
"No. Because what you suggest simply
isn't true!" Sara began walking toward the nearest exit, hoping Dr.
Carroll would take the hint and let her go.
Dr. Carroll walked beside Sara.
"Certainly this . . . passion . . . you felt
for Cameron faded from time to time as you had other boyfriends."
"I've never wanted anyone as a
boyfriend but Cameron. He and I are the same this way. We're both each other's
first and only." Why had she allowed doubts about Cameron's preferences to
trouble her? Cameron hadn't wanted anyone but her for six years! Wasn't he the
best judge of what kind of woman was perfect for him?
"The young woman who has spent her
life with men and loves them as much as they love her, a young woman who has
never in her life been afraid of men, never had a boyfriend?"
Sara doubted men loved her as much as he
claimed, but it was a nice thing to say, and she softened toward him a little.
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, smiling slightly. "There
you go, calling me a liar again."
Dr. Carroll smiled back at her, offering
her his arm. "Forgive me, Sara, but it seems a crime against nature that
such a beautiful, passionate young woman never had a boyfriend."
Sara slipped her arm through his and
allowed him to draw her close. "That's a very kind thing for you to
say."
"It's nothing but the truth." Dr.
Carroll nodded thoughtfully. "This does explain some things about you,
though, things that have puzzled me. I wish you had told me about
Cameron."
As they approached the exit, Sara stopped
and turned to him, shrugging. "Had we spoken of him more, I probably would
have."
"Have you considered the possibility
that Cameron isn't right for you?"
"Of course I've considered it. I think
about it all the time."
"And?"
"I've come to the conclusion that what
I feel for Cameron is love, not infatuation. That's as much as I've been able
to determine absolutely, and it's enough for one day."
Dr. Carroll's hand lightly cupped Sara's
jaw, and he smiled, ever so slightly. "Are you sure, Sara, that Cameron is
the man you love?"
Sara frowned. What a strange comment! Dr.
Carroll lowered his hand, then turned away from her and left the lounge. Sara
watched him, more troubled than ever. He hadn't addressed the issues she had
raised at all but had evaded them with unsettling smoothness.
Sara went to the bunkroom she shared with
fifteen other girls and climbed to her top bunk, leaning over her knees to
think, unable to face Cameron just yet. Erica Rice, Brittany Novak, and
Danielle Young came into the bunkroom and, after exchanging greetings with
Sara, sat down together on a bed near the door, talking. Not long after that,
Sara heard Cameron call from the door, "Sara? Are you in there?"
She couldn't very well lie to him.
"Yes," she responded without passion, turning her head so that she
could see her roommates. If she stretched forward in just the right way, she
could see Cameron's profile at the door.
A minute passed, and she heard Cameron's
voice again, beseeching, "Please don't be mad at me, Sara. I'm sorry I
couldn't make myself go to that forum."
Danielle gazed sidelong at Sara with
mischievous blue eyes. "She's not mad at you, Bishop. But she is in love
with you, utterly. She defended you in the forum and got laughed at."
Now Sara had no choice but to tell Cameron
everything. She didn't know whether to feel relieved or mortified.
"Really?" Cameron said in amazed
delight. "She did that?"
Erica winked at Sara. "Come on in and
talk to her. We're all decent." She quickly sat up and playfully
exaggerated her point by brushing her black hair into place and primly crossing
her dark-skinned legs as she smoothed down her skirt.
"You promise you'll stay?"
Brittany turned to her stomach, her
straight blond hair brushing her shoulders as it fell forward and dangled above
the bed. "Don't you want to be alone with her?"
Yes,
Cameron, say yes! They hadn't been completely alone since the evening they
had sat in the swing in Sara's backyard, and even though they both knew they
had no choice, their situation was making them both feel tense and desperate.
"Yes! I mean, no. No! I can't. It
wouldn't be right."
Brittany chuckled knowingly. "Then we'll
be your chaperones for a while."
Danielle giggled. "We promise!"
Erica stood up and went to the door.
"Get in here and talk to
her!" She pulled Cameron into the room by his arm and pointed him toward
Sara.
Sara lifted her head and watched Cameron
walk past the other bunks in the room. "What happened?" he asked, pulling
himself onto her bunk. She moved so that she was sitting beside him, her back
facing her roommates, and whispered what had happened and what she had felt,
her arm sliding around his waist. This was as alone as they could ever hope to
be, and it felt wonderful.
"When all was said and done, I was
glad you had stayed away."
Cameron fondled her hair. "I can't
begin to tell you how flattered I am that you would defend me the way you
did." He kissed her temple.
"I'm still disturbed. They shouldn't
have said those things about you in the first place."
"Get used to it, because you're going
to hear a lot worse in the future."
"You can't mean that!"
Cameron kissed her again and pulled away
slightly. "I didn't accept this calling with any delusions. I knew my job
would be difficult."
"Have you considered the possibility
that your father's vision of Zion is a good one?"
"I will accept my father's vision as
good where it's based on true principles. And no, public group therapy sessions
like that ridiculous United Hearts Forum are not part of the Lord's plan for
Zion."
Why didn't Cameron's statement anger her?
Her father and mother had said the same thing and she had protested. She had,
however, argued with her parents before actually experiencing the United Hearts
Forum.
"So you intend to fight your father.
The colonists fear as much." Why did she feel so numb?
"I only intend to lead the ward, and
the colony, in the direction the Lord wants it to go. What remains to be seen
is how hard my father fights me. Once
he comes out of shock at being challenged, that is."
"You've never challenged him
before?"
"Not like this. Not publicly. I don't
want to now, but I'll do what I have to do."
"I can't believe your father would
fight your authority." Or would he? Dr. Carroll's words seemed to shout in
Sara's mind: "We'll follow him as
far as we are able." And just how far was that?
"I hope you're right." Cameron
gazed at the wall in front of them, which had been painted to look like a
window with a view of the mountains. He whispered gloomily, "Perhaps you
should dump me now and get it over with. Being with me is going to cause you
nothing but confusion and heartache, because I'm not going to change."
Shocked, Sara couldn't speak. She knew
Cameron's observation was almost correct. She would feel confused and divided
in her loyalties until he came to accept his father's vision, which he had just
claimed he would never do. Had their relationship so soon reached an impasse?
The thought of it desolated her, and she realized that Cameron meant far more
to her than his father's vision did. She couldn't change her own beliefs to
match his, but she could be his ally in other ways. Hearing the others abuse
him would wound her, but denying herself his presence would wound her far more.
Sara drew closer to Cameron, kissing his
cheek. "How can you say such things? You are my shining sun, and I love
you." Until that moment she had never uttered the three heavenly words she
so longed to hear from him. Since the events of the evening had clarified her
feelings, the time was right.
Cameron turned to Sara again, his features
soft with wonder. "And I love you too, my beautiful queen." They
kissed adoringly.
Once they had put their heads together
again, Cameron began humming "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam."
Sara whispered playfully, "You'd
better watch it, or I'll throw you in the dungeon."
"A sun-BEAM, a sun-BEAM!" Cameron
sang in a whisper, bouncing up on "beam," as if he had the hiccups.
Sara had a vision of a towheaded boy in Primary springing out of his chair
every time he sang, "sun-BEAM!"
This image of Cameron as a child drained
Sara of all light-heartedness. She tightened her arms around Cameron's waist
and laid her head on his chest. "What did your father mean when he said
you were so perfect they hardly knew you were there?"
Cameron combed his fingers slowly through
Sara's hair. "I suppose he meant that I was so obedient, trustworthy, and
determined to be good that I never caused them any real inconvenience or
distress. I was, I suppose, what might be considered a low maintenance
child."
What Cameron suggested didn't sound so
terrible on the surface, but submerged in his words was something unsettling.
"I thought children were supposed to be somewhat inconvenient to their
parents," Sara said.
"I guess that depends on how you
define inconvenience. As long as my father doesn't see me as a threat to what
he's planning to accomplish on Eden, I'm not causing him any inconvenience and
my presence here doesn't matter. In other words, he would hardly know I'm here
because he would be able to do whatever he wants as if I weren't here at all.
If he were to begin seeing me as a true threat to what he wants to do on Eden,
I would become an inconvenience."
"He wanted to talk to me alone after
the forum. It was the strangest conversation I've ever had with him." Sara
sat up and faced Cameron, repeating the conversation back to him verbatim.
The more Sara said, the more severe Cameron's
frown became. When Sara finished reciting the conversation, Cameron said,
"That conversation wasn't just strange, Sara, it was downright bizarre.
Why would he be so determined to think you imagined being in love with me in
high school?"
"I have no idea."
"He was angry when you suggested he might not approve of you, wasn't
he?" Cameron sounded bewildered.
"Yes. No." Sara shook her head.
"He was hurt. And he was a little angry, I think. And, now that I think about
it, he had a right to be. He's never treated me with anything but kindness and
approval. It was wrong of me to think what I thought, to say what I said."
"I'm not sure that's true. His comment
about your being 'busy encouraging my son to fall in love with you' sounded
like an accusation. Am I wrong?"
"No. That was the way he said
it."
"It sounds as if instead of
disapproving of you as a love interest for me, in reality, he disapproves of me as a love interest for you."
"What in the galaxy do you mean?"
Cameron's bewilderment gave way to wry
realization. "He thinks you're too good for me."
"That's absurd! How could he think
such a thing about you, his own son? A man both of my parents are ecstatic I've become involved
with?" Sara didn't want to believe what Cameron suggested, but as she
reexamined what Dr. Carroll had said to her, she couldn't deny that Cameron's
suspicion was valid.
The corner of Cameron's mouth lifted a
little, as if he wanted to smile but couldn't. "Your parents are nice. And
they're very different from my parents." Cameron turned from Sara,
kneading his forehead in a nervous way. "My father thinks I'm too gentle
and docile for a woman of your 'brilliance and vehemence.' He referred to me as
a boy and you as a woman. That says it all right there."
Cameron was right. Sara wanted to disregard
his belief but couldn't. She scooted to her knees and wrapped her arm
protectively around his neck, resting her free hand on his chin and turning his
head so that she could look into those hurt aqua eyes. "You are a man, Cameron Carroll, and I love you!"
He caressed her hair away from her face.
"What would I do without you?"
Sara touched her lips to his. "Are you
sure you wouldn't rather have a sweet, saintly girl?"
Sara felt Cameron smile. "You are my sweet, saintly girl, Sara."
He returned Sara's kiss, then tenderly guided her back into a sitting position.
Sara marveled at Cameron's ability to make
her feel like a lady. She loved that feeling, and she loved the gentleness that
inspired it. How could anyone criticize Cameron for one of the very qualities
that made him so irresistible? "Why would your father think you're not
good enough for me?"
Cameron's face was still very pale.
"Because he has no respect for me. I've known that for a long time."
"How can he not respect you?
Especially now after you served such a glorious mission?"
"You want to know what my father
thinks about my mission?" Cameron's tone was a touch bitter. "Do you
really?"
Foreboding seized Sara, and she almost
shook her head and turned away. "I only want the truth."
Cameron's brow wrinkled slightly, as if he
wasn't sure he should tell her anything. Finally he said, taking her hands in
his, "He questions the wisdom in the Church's policy of taking all of
those people from their homes and moving them across the country to
Beijing."
"He said that?" Sara said in
astonishment.
"Many times. So did my mother."
Sara knew that Dr. Carroll thought the
members of the Guardians of Earth's Governments were nothing more than
alarmists and that they were overreacting to Zarr in their determination to
establish their Cooperative Communities in major cities around the world. He
believed the world should be united, not fragmented into these little groups
that were afraid of major change and desperately hoping their dwindling
domestic militaries were secretly planning a coup d'etat against their largely
Federalist governments. He was, moreover, appalled that the Church would ally
with a survivalist group.
Unlike Dr. Carroll, Sara recognized that
the Guardians of Earth's Governments, which included upstanding people of all
races, religions, and nationalities, was no fringe group. She thought their
mission to provide political and economic support to those individuals and
groups who didn't want to be connected to Zarr's network of organizations was a
worthwhile one. She didn't completely agree with the Guardians' agenda, but she
did feel they were right to stand up for what they believed.
Besides, she couldn't help but have a
certain amount of respect and admiration for the domestic military
organizations, considering David's position in the Navy, and it always pained
her to hear Federalists refer to David and others like him as "the local
police" and "Earth cops."
The Church's present policy of gathering to
temple communities, which were, in many cases, within the Cooperative
Communities established by the Guardians, excited Sara. When the New Jerusalem
was built in Jackson County, Missouri, it would not be the Zion community; it would be the Center Place of hundreds of Zion communities all over
the world!
Although Sara had never allowed Dr. Carroll
to talk her out of her excitement for the new temple communities, she
understood why he held the opinions he did. She could not, however, believe he
would demoralize Cameron by expressing those same opinions to him. On the other
hand, Cameron wouldn't have made such a claim if it weren't true. "What
would your parents have had you do differently?"
"Nothing, probably. I only did what I
was told and it was the right thing to do. Had I refused to do what I was told,
I would have been sent home, and my parents know that. My father served a
mission himself. I have no doubt he expected me to do what I did; he just doesn't
see much good in it."
"Maybe that's why I never heard him
say anything about you. Parents always like to talk about their missionary
children, and I always thought it was strange that he never mentioned you at
all."
"You may be right. You have no idea
how difficult it was to stand up there next to President Grant and hear him
tell everyone what I had done in China, knowing how my parents felt and
wondering how many others in the congregation felt the same way."
Sara hugged him. "I've never felt
anything but admiration for everything you did in China."
Cameron kissed her hair. "I wish we
had written letters to each other while I was on my mission. Of everything we
didn't do, I regret that the most."
"I regret all of it." Sara now
realized that her greatest transgression in secretly reading Cameron's e-mails
online hadn't been that she had invaded his privacy but that she had not
written her own letters to him, letters he had so desperately wanted and
needed.
"I say these things, and they're true,
and I wouldn't have told you had you not asked, but you should know that my
parents tried really hard to support me on my mission. They each wrote an e-mail
to me every week, and the e-mails were always long and detailed and very
interesting. I printed out every single one of them and still carry them around
with me. One of my apprehensions in accepting this call, in fact, was that the
good feelings that existed between us during that time would disappear and that
I would learn things about them I didn't want to know. I wanted to remember
them as they were in their e-mails."
"I'm not sure that your parents'
opinion about the Church's policy of moving the converts to Beijing means they
don't respect you. It's a clash of perspectives, that's all."
"That's just it. They don't respect my
perspective."
"Can't they respect you and still
disagree with your perspective?"
Cameron smiled sadly. "Neither one of
them are you."
Sara shoulders drooped. "It pains me
to be reminded of how much we disagree on."
"It pains me too."
"Do you think your father meant to
undermine your authority when he said you were fanatically virtuous?"
"Yes. If he had meant what he said in
a supportive way, he would have left out any mention of the word 'fanatic.'"
"I'm still wondering what he means by
the term 'fanatically virtuous.' Is he saying you're too chaste? Or that you're
too righteous? Does he think that achieving holiness is fanatical? Or was it
just his way of saying you're self-righteous?"
Cameron shook his head. "He doesn't
think I'm self-righteous, although it wouldn't surprise me if he encouraged the
colonists to believe such a thing about me. He would never say he thinks achieving
a state of holiness would be fanatical. He would, instead, quote scriptures and
in interpreting them, would redefine holiness in a way that corresponds to his
own views. He has, in fact, done that I think. So yes, I think he would look at
a truly holy person and say he or she is a fanatic. And yes, I do believe he
thinks I'm too chaste."
"Could that ever be a bad thing?"
Cameron grimaced. "I've never known
anyone who would think it was a compliment to be thought of as a prude, and
perhaps I am a prude. I just don't know how to be any other way."
Sara rested her hands on Cameron's cheeks
and gazed into his eyes with all the earnestness she could muster. "What
your father thinks doesn't matter, Cameron. I'm the best judge of what kind of
man is perfect for me, and I chose you six years ago. I love you."
She kissed Cameron again and again, and he
responded vehemently. "I love you too, Sara," he breathed. "I've
loved you too much for too long that I couldn't have done this with anyone
else. I'm not sure how much virtue had to do with it."
"Why did you wait until tonight to
tell me you loved me?"
"Because I wanted you to be sure of
your own feelings first. I didn't want to pressure you."
Speaking of love in this serious way made Sara
feel she should tell Cameron about Novaun. She glanced toward the front of the
bunkroom and her roommates' lively conversation, assuring herself that they had
no intention of leaving, at least for the time being. "There's something I've
been dying to tell you, Cameron. You can't tell anyone yet, even your parents.
It's about my father, and my heritage."
*
Sara lay in bed late that night, too
enlivened by the evening she had spent with Cameron to sleep. She scrunched the
light blue spread in her hand, staring into the darkness and listening to the
regular breathing of her roommates. Eventually she relaxed, and just when she
thought she might drift to sleep, she heard a sniff and a muffled sob from the
bunk below hers.
Sara sat up. Ashley, who had insisted on
rooming with the other students instead of her parents, slept in the bunk below
Sara's. Was she still upset about David? For all the pain David had caused
Ashley, Sara hoped the Air Force Academy killed Navy in the football game that
weekend.
Sara slid noiselessly out of her bed and
knelt next to Ashley's, folding her arms against Ashley's back. Feeling her
touch, Ashley turned toward her. Sara could barely see Ashley in the dim light.
"I'm sorry I woke you up," Ashley whispered.
"I wasn't asleep anyway."
"Why not? Are you upset that Mother
and Father laughed at you?"
"I don't know anymore. I feel very
strange."
"What you did for Cameron was nice. I
wish I'd had the nerve to speak up."
"I couldn't help myself."
"I . . . I understand
the feeling." Ashley's shoulders shook as she began weeping again.
Sara rested a hand gently on Ashley's
shoulder. "I could just strangle David."
Ashley's muscles tensed.
"Please . . . please
don't blame this on him. He's not responsible for . . ."
She gasped and pressed her face into her pillow.
Wariness shadowed Sara. Something deeper
than David tormented Ashley. Sara drew her hand back and said the first thing
that popped into her head. "I'd still like to strangle him." Sara
held very still, waiting to hear what Ashley would say.
A minute passed, and Ashley's breathing
slowed a little. She lifted her upper body and turned her pillow over.
"David did get to me," Ashley admitted, lying back down on her side.
"We felt such a connection to each other." Her breathing steadied
even more. "I couldn't help thinking that if I had stayed on Earth the
question of marriage would have eventually come up."
"But you're so young, and David's old!
You live in completely different worlds." David wanted a large family and
a stay-at-home wife and was on the verge of completing his education and going
to sea, while Ashley hadn't even started her education yet. Marrying him would
have meant giving up her ambitions of being a lawyer, a senator, or president
of a university. Did Ashley even know enough about herself at "almost
eighteen" to make a decision like that?
"I know. The thought of it frightens
me as much as it thrills me. But there's something about
him . . . I think I would be willing to give up a great deal to
be his wife. That's the problem. David would want to be married in the temple,
and I'm not worthy."
Sara hoped Ashley was exaggerating.
"But you have gone to the temple before, haven't you? To do baptisms for
the dead? Didn't you talk things over with your bishop?"
"Yes and no." Ashley hesitated.
"Brandon was right, Sara, when he said I'm a tramp. I've never gone all
the way, but I have gone too far. My bishop would never have given me a temple
recommend, and how would that have looked?"
"You lied?" Sara whispered,
astounded.
"It didn't seem like such a big deal
at the time." Ashley's whisper was weighted with guilt. "And if I'm
completely honest with myself, I have to admit that one of the reasons I didn't
tell my bishop was because I wasn't sure I wanted to give up what I was
doing."
They very thought of going into the temple
unworthily made Sara feel queasy. "So why does it matter now, all of a
sudden?" How could anyone think it was no big deal?
"Because David is so honest and good
that I wouldn't have been able to hide it from him and he would have ended up
hating me."
Ashley understood David better than Sara
had expected. David, the ultimate perfectionist, required a lot out of himself
and those close to him. On the other hand, David and Ashley truly had
connected. Ashley wasn't David's spiritual equal now, but his influence had
already expanded her understanding of herself and the gospel in a serious way.
As his wife, she might have excelled and been happy. What would have happened
had Ashley remained on Earth? They would never know.
"You're not saying anything,"
Ashley whispered bitterly. "I must have hit pretty close to the
mark."
"David is meticulous," Sara
admitted. "But perhaps we're both wrong about him."
"No. I don't think so. What's worse is
that as much as I want to have something sweet and decent with him, I also want
to be with him the way I was with the others. I can't get him out of my mind. I
mean, I really can't get him out of my mind. I feel filthy."
"You need to talk to Cameron."
"But he's my brother! I can't talk to
him about something like this! It's bad enough having to talk to a real
bishop."
"Cameron is a real bishop. He's the
only person in the colony with authority from the Savior to set the conditions
of repentance for the sort of sin you're talking about. You have to talk to him!"
"I just don't know, Sara."
"You just have to force yourself to do
it. You know the guilt will torment you until you do. Just thinking about that kind of guilt oppresses me."
A thought dropped on Sara out of nowhere. David's intelligent, talented sister
postponed her formal education and sacrificed a career to marry your father and
be your mother. A queer yearning settled into Sara's heart. Her mother had
been nineteen when she had married her father, age twenty-four, and they had
been, quite literally, from "different worlds."
"Are you all right, Sara?"
"I . . . I'm just
feeling a little . . . homesick." Sara quickly climbed back
up into her own bed. Leaning over the side, she whispered, "For whatever
it's worth, Ashley, I wish you could have had your chance with David."
Cyndi Carroll approached Sara in the
dormitory dining room Friday morning. She led Sara away from the other students
and said kindly, "I just wanted to tell you that what you said last night
about Cameron was right on target. It made more than just a few of us stop and
think."
"I appreciate your saying so,"
Sara said in a low voice. "I felt as if I had no credibility."
"I know. But don't let any of this
bother you too much. Ben and Barbara have never had any real problems with
their children, and they have no idea how to handle something as simple as a sincere
difference of opinion."
Sara thought Cyndi's observation should
relieve her, but the vision of a pale-haired Primary boy exuberantly singing
"Jesus wants me for a sun-BEAM!" haunted her. That such a sweet
little boy, having been taught in Primary that he should obey his parents and
keep himself pure, would grow up to be regarded as a docile prude by the one
who had taken him to Primary to begin with seemed incomprehensible and unjust.
"It's a wonder Dr. Carroll ever
survived in the business world," Sara said, unable to keep the skepticism
out of her voice.
"It's different when it's your own
kids."
Despite what Cyndi said, Sara went through
the next two days disturbed and thoughtful as she tried to reconcile Dr.
Carroll's condescending attitude toward his son with her image of him as a
sensitive, loving, righteous man. As hard as she tried, she couldn't make the
information she had gleaned on Thursday evening fit with the other facts she
had long taken for granted. She decided that she and Cameron had misunderstood
everything his father had said and done. That had to be it. There could be no
other explanation. Once she reached that conclusion, the feelings of discomfort
disappeared.
Sara and Ashley had a permanent invitation
to eat with Ashley's parents and the rest of her family in the Carroll
apartment. They took advantage of that invitation Sunday morning for breakfast
while their roommates ate in the dormitory dining room.
"Good morning Dr. Carroll,
Barbara," Sara said cheerfully as she walked with Ashley into the compact
dining area. Dr. Carroll, Barbara, Adam, and Brandon were sitting at the
ornately carved white table, already eating. Cameron hadn't emerged from his
bedroom yet.
Barbara looked up from her computer and
smiled. "Good morning, girls."
Dr. Carroll set his fork on his plate and
focused his attention on Sara. "It's time, Sara, for you to dispense with
this 'Dr. Carroll' nonsense and start calling me 'Ben.'"
Dr. Carroll's request surprised Sara. She said
the first thing that came into her mind. "But I'm not even engaged to
Cameron, much less married to him."
"Yet," Ashley added.
Sara leaned against the back of the couch
and sighed. "Am I the only person in the colony who has doubts about whether
Cameron and I will get married?"
Brandon nodded. "Yeah!" He lifted
Adam's cup of milk and took several gulps. Adam scowled at him.
"You kids stop badgering Sara and
Cameron about marriage," Dr. Carroll said. "They've only been seeing
each other a week. Decisions like this take time. Let's not rush them into
something they may later regret."
Understanding warmed Sara. Dr. Carroll was
concerned that Cameron's relationship with her was moving too fast. That
explained why he had expressed so many doubts about her involvement with
Cameron. He was a normal father after all.
"I think the thing they regret is that
they didn't become friends sooner," Ashley pointed out. "Look at how
long it took them to do anything when they were left on their own."
Adam nodded adamantly, reaching for a
muffin. "They need to be
pushed."
Sara chuckled. "You all worry too
much. Cameron and I hardly need to be thrown at each other now." Her eyes
rested on Cameron's father in appreciation. "And you don't need to worry
either, Dr. Carroll. I have no intention of rushing into marriage."
Dr. Carroll squinted at Sara in a
chastising way. "It's 'Ben,' Sara."
"Ben," Sara said slowly. She felt
awkward addressing the governor of the colony by his first name. It seemed
inappropriate. She shook her head quickly. "I'm sorry, Dr. Carroll. I don't
think I can do it. It's just too weird."
Ashley, Brandon, and Adam laughed.
"Are you going to keep calling him 'Dr. Carroll' when he becomes your
father-in-law?" Brandon asked.
Dr. Carroll gazed at Sara fondly.
"Your relationship with Cameron, Sara, is irrelevant. You and I know each
other well enough, I think, to be on a first-name basis."
Barbara leaned against the back in her
chair and looked up. "Drop it, Ben. If she isn't comfortable with it, she
isn't comfortable with it."
Ashley gestured toward her mother.
"You call Mother 'Barbara.'"
"I guess I do. And so does Russ."
And she didn't know Barbara as well as she knew Dr. . . . Ben. "Your mother insisted."
Dr. . . . Ben widened his eyes at Sara. "So
do I. Practice it with me now. Ben. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben." He said it
in a singsong way.
Sara repeated it with him once, then
smiled. "Ben. Ben." She
nodded, finally feeling comfortable with it. "It feels right."
"Of course it feels right. Because it is right!"
"Thanks, Ben."
"Thank you, Sara."
A few moments later, Cameron came into the
dining room and Sara went to meet him, sliding her arm around his waist and
leading him to the table. Adam immediately burst out, "Cameron, why aren't
you and Sara engaged yet?"
Cameron's arm tightened around Sara's
shoulder. He said mischievously, "Because Sara hasn't proposed to me
yet."
Sara regarded Cameron in question. Everyone
laughed, but Sara knew Cameron wasn't joking. If she proposed to him, his
answer would be 'yes.' She knew it, yet she wondered how he could be so sure so
soon.
Cameron kissed her briefly on the lips
before she could say something in front of his family she might later regret.
She didn't speak, but she couldn't pull her eyes away from Cameron's either. He
crinkled his eyes at her in a tentative way, as if to ask, "Would marrying
me really be so terrible?"
Sara rose on her toes and cupped her hands
around Cameron's ear. "I love you."
Cameron rested his lips on Sara's ear and
said softly, "We'll talk after church."
*
After breakfast the Carrolls and Sara met
the other colonists in the Star Lounge for church. The meeting passed
uneventfully until Cameron stood up to present the name of Samantha Carroll to
be the young single adult family home evening leader. It was the first calling
Cameron announced that morning, which seemed odd, considering the fact that the
ward was barely staffed.
Sara looked around the huge room and saw
many of the colony's leaders exchange disgusted glances. Most of the students
frowned in bewilderment. Since Ben planned to direct the colony's family home
education program, Sara, like the other young adults, wondered what she was
supposed to do now.
Barbara groaned softly. Ashley stifled a
giggle.
"What's the matter?" Sara
whispered to Ashley.
"Father just lost the young adults,
and both he and Mother know it."
"Doesn't Samantha believe in what your
father's trying to do? Maybe she'll ask him for help."
"Samantha's not going to Eden for The
Equality of Zion any more than I am. She only wants to paint pictures of exotic
plants and animals and breathe air that isn't toxic. And she's the Queen of
Party. She'll plan such awesome family home evening parties that no one will be
able to resist them! If Father and Mother are smart, they'll ask her for help!"
Sara couldn't restrain herself from looking
over at Ben to see his reaction. He happened to be looking in her direction,
and when their eyes met, he looked briefly to the dome of stars and shrugged
his shoulders slightly, as if to say, "What am I supposed to do?"
Sara couldn't resist. She leaned behind
Barbara's chair as well as she was able and whispered to him, "Let's
party!"
Barbara groaned again, but Ben's face lit
up, the dimple in his cheek deepening as he grinned. Sara was afraid for a
moment that he might laugh out loud. She pursed her lips to keep herself from
laughing.
Sara sat up and forced herself to focus her
attention on Cameron again. Seeing the grave expression on his face, her desire
for levity disappeared. The family home evening issue was a major one, and
Cameron wasn't comfortable addressing it.
"I realize that most of you are
expecting my father and his associates to direct you in an 'innovative' family
home evening program they have designed. I feel prompted to discourage you from
becoming involved in this effort. The Lord's plan is that fathers and mothers
direct the gospel education of their own families. My father, as intelligent
and as well educated as he is, does not have spiritual stewardship over your
families and therefore cannot know what is best for them. You do! Please be
wise and take care of your own families with the Lord's help, and let my
parents take care of theirs.
"As for those of you who are young
adults . . ." Cameron finally smiled. "You'll love
Samantha and her activities. She's the most creative, fun person I've ever
known! We will, in the next couple of weeks, be calling a committee to work
with her."
As Sara mused over Samantha's call,
wondering whether Cameron would participate in a young adult family home
evening group, the first notes of the sacrament song, sung a cappella,
startled her into realizing that no other calls had been made that day.
Church ended with sacrament meeting. As
Sara stood up with the Carrolls to leave, the colonists gathered around Ben.
"What do you think about Samantha's
calling, Dr. Carroll?" asked Kevin Krantz, Ben's student.
"What are we supposed to do?"
asked Erica Rice.
Samantha said nothing, but she appeared as
interested in what Ben would say as everyone else did.
Ben glanced at Sara, the corner of his
mouth lifting in a slight smile. "I intend to support our new
bishop."
Ben's submissive attitude so shocked Sara
that she could do nothing but stare as he left the lounge with Barbara. The
colonists trickled by Sara as they headed to the door. When the last colonist
exited, Cameron finally approached her. When she felt his fingertips on her
back, she turned toward him slightly and said in a low voice, "I didn't
know what to expect from your father, but I didn't expect him to support you in
such an unequivocal way."
"Neither did I. I think something you
said the other night must have gotten to him."
Sara spun around to face him completely.
"Do you really think so?" She couldn't help but be skeptical.
Cameron shrugged. "I suppose someone
else may have said something to him, but it isn't likely. You're the only one
who was willing to speak up for me in the forum. I don't think you realize your
own power, Sara."
"But the family home evening issue is
a major one. If he really did let it go because of something I said to him,
then that isn't just power, Cameron, that's real influence. He's my mentor, not
the other way around!"
Cameron led her toward the door.
"Obviously he doesn't just like you, he respects you. But you had to
believe that already. Otherwise you wouldn't be here."
"That's true, I suppose."
"Unless he's up to something."
"Cameron!"
"Well? Which would you rather believe?
That you have influence over him or that he's up to something?"
Sara stopped right before they arrived at
the door and threw her arms around Cameron. "I don't want to talk about it
anymore. I finally get a few minutes alone with the bishop, and I'm going to
enjoy them." She drew his face down to hers for a kiss.
Cameron responded enthusiastically. After a
minute, he just held her tightly and whispered into her ear, "I was afraid
you were angry with me."
"How could I be?"
"I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front
of my family."
Sara pulled away enough so that she could
look into his eyes. "Don't be sorry. Just tell me how you can be so sure
you want to marry me."
Cameron shook his head at her, his gaze a
little impatient. "You were supposed to take what I said to Adam as a
joke."
"It wasn't a joke."
"You are too perceptive, Sara. You're
forcing me to reveal myself too soon."
Sara smiled. "I don't know how I could
ever propose marriage to a man who isn't willing to reveal his whole self to
me."
Cameron nodded in resignation. "I knew
I wanted to marry you the moment I first saw you in the foyer last Sunday
evening. The rightness of it took hold of my heart with such power that I felt
as if I were literally glowing with love."
Sara couldn't believe it. "You weren't
happy to see me; you were horrified!"
"How can I explain how I felt? As soon
as I saw you, it was as if the Spirit were putting thoughts into my brain. It
told me you were everything I believed you to be, that my love for you was
real, and that I would be happy with you. My reaction, of course, was to argue.
She doesn't like me, not at all. She can't
be the person I thought she was if she wants to go to Eden. Then I became
aware of a new, even more extraordinary thought. She loves you as much as you love her. Wait and see."
Cameron's experience enchanted Sara. She
couldn't resist asking, "What did you believe me to be?"
Cameron gazed past Sara as if remembering
events from the past six years, absently stroking her arm. "Lively and
outgoing. Friendly. Guileless. Active and energetic. Passionate and bold.
Talented. Intelligent. Completely committed to the gospel." His eyes met
hers again, luminous with devotion. "Beautiful to me in every way."
"But Cameron, how could you know I was
committed to the gospel? We never saw each other in church meetings." Sara
had believed the same thing about him even before she had read his e-mails, but
she couldn't pinpoint why.
Cameron shrugged. "You were at
everything and knew everyone in your stake, which meant you were active. Along
with that, I never heard you say anything that remotely resembled a bad word,
even when you were angry. I never in six years saw you wear anything immodest,
which still amazes me. Even the clothing you wore to compete in covered you
well compared to the things some of the other girls wore, although I'll have to
say, you looked pretty hot in those spandex tights."
Sara grinned. "So did you!"
"And you never, ever, hung all over
guys at the dances or games."
Sara should have understood sooner. Of
course he had noticed that she lived the standards. She had observed the same
thing of him. "I'd hang all over you if you'd let me," Sara said
impishly.
"That's different. I'm going to be
your husband. You just don't know it yet." He pressed her close again,
kissing her cheek, his voice lowering. "I've loved you for six years,
Sara. I've never wanted anyone but you. Why shouldn't I be sure?"
"I'm
not sure."
"I know," he whispered, "and
I don't expect you to be. When you're ready, propose. You know what my answer
will be."
Sara jerked away from him and looked into
his eyes. "So you're proposing."
"Yes, I guess I am."
"That has to be the most backward
proposal ever!"
Cameron smiled. "I'm a backward guy. I'm
just living up to my reputation."
"You're not backward!"
"My father thinks I am."
"Do you really want me to propose to
you?"
"Yes. If you can actually bring
yourself to propose, we'll both know you're certain. Just be prepared at that
point to set a date." His smile faded. "When the time comes, my
father may insist on marrying us. I'm not sure what we should do about
that."
"Your father?" Sara said in
surprise.
"Tony has the authority to perform the
ceremony, but my father is the governor. Even if it isn't absolutely necessary
that he give us his license for it to be legal, asking for it is the courteous
thing to do. I know he feels strongly about counseling with all couples getting
married, and it may be he wants to officiate at the weddings too. I don't feel
right about that at all. Members of the Church should be married with the
religious ceremony if at all possible. If we agree to let him marry us, it may
set a precedent and begin a harmful tradition."
"But I want to be married in the
temple." Sara knew it sounded stupid as soon as she said it and remembered
what her father had told her. He had been right, of course. Two years was too
long. She hadn't perceived it then because she had not understood the power of
her own passion.
"So do I." Cameron caressed her
cheek. "I didn't mean to burden you with my concerns. I'm sorry."
Sara shook her head quickly, as if shaking
away her illusions. "I'm feeling bad about not being married in the
temple, and you're worried about what kind of civil ceremony we'll have. It
seems outrageous and wrong, and I'm such an idiot." The realization that
she would not marry Cameron in the temple wrapped around her heart like a black
veil.
The corner of Cameron's mouth twitched in a
way that would have suggested he was amused had he not been so glum.
"Please don't criticize my future wife."
Sara didn't believe he would be so eager to
marry her if he knew she was destined to live for two hundred years and have
thirty kids. "You shouldn't be so sure. There are important things about
me you don't know. Things that bewilder me. Things I'm not sure I believe
myself."
"What things?"
"The other night I only told you about
the first conversation I had with my father. On the night before we left, he
told me more and gave me a blessing." Several people from Fifth Colony
came into the lounge in preparation for their own meeting. She couldn't tell
him now. "It's too big, Cameron. There isn't time." She wasn't sure
whether to feel disappointed or relieved.
Cameron kissed her one last time. "We'll
find time later."
*
Sara and Cameron never did find time on
Sunday to be alone to discuss the blessing Sara's father had given to her. Sara
hadn't seen Cameron at all on Monday morning when Kevin Krantz told her that
Ben wanted to see her immediately. Kevin led her to the suite where the colony's
headquarters were located and motioned to the door of Ben's office. As she
entered, her eyes drifted around the blue room with its thick, faux marble
columns and wall painting meant to simulate a courtyard at twilight, thinking it
odd that an office would be decorated with so much attention to artistic
detail.
Ben arose from a gray leather chair and
approached her, spreading his arms and looking around in satisfaction.
"Welcome to my sanctuary, Sara," he said with a smile. "This is
the one room on the ship where a person can enjoy a few minutes of silence and
solitude."
"Somehow I doubt you get too many minutes of solitude in
here."
"No I don't," Ben admitted,
"but what I do get, I relish. And now I'm able to share some of that
luxury with you."
Sara smiled. "You're very
generous." Then, remembering that she hadn't had a chance yet to thank him
for compromising on the family home evening issue, she stepped forward and
threw her arms around him, squeezing tightly. "Thanks, Ben."
As Sara withdrew, Ben rested his hands on
her waist and smiled down at her, his eyes seeming to overflow with joy.
"To what do I owe this exuberant expression of appreciation?"
"For supporting Cameron in his
decision to call Samantha to direct the young adult family home evening
program." Having nowhere else to put her hands, she laid them lightly on
Ben's arms. "I know how difficult it must have been for you to take stance
you did."
His gaze softened. "It wasn't as
difficult as you believe. I was more than happy to do what I could to convince
a disgruntled colonist that she does, indeed, still have credibility in the
colony."
Despite the discussion Sara had had with
Cameron, Ben's revelation surprised her. "So you did listen to what I
said."
"Of course I did. Have you ever known
me not to listen to you?"
Sara smiled and shook her head.
Ben cupped his hands around her face.
"You are one of the most intelligent people I know, Sara Alexander, and
although we may not always agree on everything, I will always listen to what you have to say." He shook his head.
"Never doubt it."
"I'm sorry I ever did." She gazed
at him, her eyes huge with awe. How in the universe had she managed to engender
so much admiration and affection in such a great man?
Ben lowered his arms, his mouth curving
into a smile. "Stop looking at me in such amazement. I'm only a man, you
know, not an object of worship."
Sara laughed. "And all this time, I
thought you were Apollo incarnate!" She waved her hand and glanced around
the room. "In a setting like this, who could blame me?"
Laughing with her, Ben took her arm and led
her to one of the gray leather office chairs. "Sit down, Sara. We have
much to discuss." He sat Sara down and placed his hands on her shoulders,
giving them a squeeze.
Sara relaxed into the chair, curious but
without anxiety. "Sounds serious."
Ben sat down and rolled his chair closer to
hers. "What I have to say to you is serious, but it doesn't have to be
bad." He leaned toward Sara a little, his voice lowering. "You know
that our physical education directors decided not to join us after hearing
Cameron's talk a week ago Sunday."
Sara nodded slowly.
"Frankly, this was a blow. They were
the only two specialists I had hired in that discipline, and all three of their
students walked out when they did. Now, either the colony gets by with no
physical education program, or I have to hire someone to take their
place."
Understanding jolted Sara. "You want me
to direct the P.E. program."
"I was hoping you would consider it.
Understand, Sara, that this would mean you would no longer be a student, but a
mentor. As the senior member of your profession, you would sit on the Board of
Advisors. When we arrive on Eden, you will get your own home. You won't have to
live in the dormitory with the other girls your age."
To go from student to full-fledged status
in the colony within a week of leaving Earth seemed almost too good to be true,
and yet Sara couldn't immediately accept Ben's offer. "I would have to
give up journalism, wouldn't I?"
"You won't have time to continue as
Barbara's student, but you will have the freedom to continue writing. You can
write whatever you want. If you would like, you can even bring your work to me
when it's finished, and I'll help you get it ready for publication."
Sara listened in shock. "You would do
that for me?"
"I'm every bit as much of a
professional writer as Barbara is."
Sara smiled. "That's not the issue."
"Then you must be doubting my
sincerity."
"No, your sanity!"
Ben grinned. "You're an ungrateful
young woman!"
Ben's gentle rebuke disarmed Sara. "I'm
sorry."
Ben shook his head, still smiling.
"Stop being so serious, Little Panther. I'm teasing you."
Sara blushed. She averted her eyes, feeling
like an idiot. "I'm really
sorry."
Sara heard him sigh, then felt his hand
over hers on the armrest. "No, Sara, I'm
sorry for making you uncomfortable." He lightly tapped the back of her
hand. "It's just that I expect you to think of yourself as my peer. During
these moments, when I realize you don't, it bothers me. It's the difference in
our ages, I suppose, and my position in the colony."
Sara looked up at him again. He did seem
very troubled and sincere. "You are
the governor," she said softly.
"And you can be one of the governor's
advisors."
Ben's request made sense, but it seemed
strange. "I ran track to pay for my education. I've never even considered
a career in athletics."
Ben rested his hand on Sara's, squeezing.
"You would excel at it."
Sara withdrew her hand from the armrest of
her chair and folded her arms. "So I've been told. Many times."
"It might even be something you would
like."
"Perhaps, but I don't know. I'm going
to need some time to think about it. Do you have other candidates?"
"I won't talk to anyone else until you've
given me your decision, but there is another possibility if you decide this
career change isn't right for you."
Ben's last few words set something off in
Sara. She couldn't restrain herself from blurting, "But Ben, how can it be
right for me? How could you and Dr. Eagle have spent so much time helping me
find the one career that is perfectly tailored to my life's mission and then,
within a few months, ask me to completely change careers? I know the colony is
desperate, but I'm baffled."
Ben gazed at Sara thoughtfully for many
moments. Finally he smiled, barely. "I'll be frank with you, Sara. Most
people have the aptitude to be successful in various careers. Many even get a
chance to have more than one career in a lifetime. That's reality. You know
that."
Sara nodded, still troubled.
"Then there are a few people who are
so brilliant and capable that they can, literally, do anything they want to do.
You're one of those people."
"I'm not sure I understand what you're
trying to say."
"I urged you toward journalism because
it was what you said you wanted."
Sara was stunned. "Then you don't
believe what you teach."
"Of course I do. I believe Ann and I
have given all of the students in the Eden Colony career counseling that is far
more comprehensive than anything they would have received elsewhere."
"Then you didn't urge me toward
journalism because you thought it was what the Lord wanted me to do?"
"Yes, I did, but I didn't base that
belief on knowledge the Lord revealed to me for you. I based it on the good
feelings you obviously felt toward pursuing a career in journalism."
"So you saw your role as helping me
understand and feel good about what I already knew to be true, that is, that I
should pursue a career in journalism."
"Yes. The Lord would certainly reveal
that information to you before He would reveal it to me, and I've always trusted
your spiritual discernment."
"So, given your belief that the Lord
steered me in the direction of journalism, you now ask me to completely change
careers?"
"I believe you're one of those people
who can to do anything. How do I know that journalism, for you, isn't just a
stepping stone to something else?"
"I guess neither one of us would know
that, would we?"
Ben shook his head. "No, we wouldn't.
Who can tell about such things? This I do know, Sara. I need a physical
education director and you're the most qualified person in the colony to fill
that role. I have to make the offer. And I know that you'll make the right
decision."
That evening, when most of the colony was
participating in family home evening, Sara and Cameron sat on the floor in the
doorway of Sara's empty dorm room and talked. Every now and then one of the
other students would walk by, but, for the most part, Sara and Cameron had the
corridor to themselves.
Sara told Cameron about his father's job
offer, and his advice was simple: "If you feel good about it, do it; if
not, don't."
"But what about the needs of the
colony?"
"I think the colony's need will take
care of itself. My father said he had another candidate, didn't he?"
Sara nodded.
"Then what are you so worried about?
One way or another, the position will get filled."
Sara pulled her knees to her chin. "I've
been thinking about it all day, and my inclination is to refuse it."
"Then refuse it."
"You make it sound so easy."
"Of course it's easy for me. It isn't
my decision!"
"You're a big help."
"Do you really want me to tell you
what to do?"
"No. It's just that I didn't need this
thrown at me now. There are too many other things I have to figure out. A lot
of it has to do with that blessing my father gave to me."
Cameron scooted closer to Sara,
interlocking his knees with hers and taking her hands in his. "I've been
dying of suspense ever since we talked after church. What could there have been
in the blessing your father gave you that was so terrible?"
Sara forced herself to smile. "It isn't
terrible, just confusing." She repeated the blessing to him word for word.
He listened carefully, his face intense with concentration.
When she was finished, Cameron asked,
impressed, "Do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"Repeat conversations and blessings
verbatim?"
Sara shrugged. "I suppose."
"You have your father's incredible
memory."
"Cameron, no one has my father's incredible memory!"
"You do. I'll bet that if you
developed it the way he did, you'd be able to recite the scriptures word for
word too."
"Actually, reciting scriptures is
child's play for my father. Even Josh can do that. It's a game to them."
"You're awesome, Sara. You're
a Novaunian librarian in embryo. Your brother is too."
It was a weird thought and probably true.
"Aptitude to be a librarian isn't the only thing I inherited from my
parents. Apparently it isn't unusual for Novaunian couples to have as many as
thirty children, and they live to be two hundred years old!"
A mischievous smile slowly formed on
Cameron's lips. "I always knew you were the queen . . .
bee."
Sara couldn't believe he would joke about
it. She jabbed him in the chest with her finger. "For that, you get
stung!"
Cameron melodramatically fell to the side.
"How are you going to make all of those royal babies if you incapacitate
your consort?"
The audacity of Cameron's comment
electrified Sara. She grabbed a handful of his T-shirt and yanked him off of
the floor. "Consort?" She
kissed him as vigorously as she dared, then declared, "I'll have you know
that nothing less than a king will satisfy me!"
Cameron kissed her to take her breath away,
drawing her into his lap as he sat back down. "Let me be your king,
Sara," he whispered.
Sara stroked his face with trembling
fingers. "You do understand that we would actually have to keep all of
those royal babies we'd make."
"I know," Cameron said his eyes charged
with anticipation. "Isn't it wonderful? You've given me a new vision of
Eden, one I like very much."
"You actually like the idea of having
thirty children?"
Cameron's arms tightened around Sara.
"Just because Novaunian women often have as many as thirty children doesn't
mean you will. The blessing said only that you shouldn't be afraid of having
more children than you might think is natural. It didn't specify a
number."
Sara kissed Cameron's cheek. "You
know, you're right!" What a relief!
"If you think about it, even fifteen
children would seem unnatural to us. Not only that, but a woman in her forties
might feel some anxiety about having a child. She might be concerned it would
have a birth defect or that she couldn't physically or emotionally cope with
raising a child so late in life."
Sara nodded thoughtfully. "This is all
true. With me, though, it's different, apparently."
"No kidding! At age fifty, you'll
still be young and vibrant with three-quarters of your life yet to go. Sara,
you'll have the strength and stamina of a woman in her twenties and, at the
same time, years' worth of knowledge and experience! You won't hit middle age
until you're a hundred years old! Wow! Under those circumstances, why not have
more children?"
"So you think the Lord simply wanted
to tell me that I should make decisions regarding my family based on Novaun's
reality, not Earth's . . . or Eden's."
Cameron slid the hair elastic out of Sara's
hair and gently unraveled the French braid Ashley had put there so carefully
that morning. "Yes. But I do think He means for you to have a lot of
children."
Was it possible to have a large family and
still be a dedicated journalist? Or a physical education director? Under the
"Equality of Employment" plan, mothers and fathers took their
children to work and brought their work home in a community that blended career
and family perfectly. Couples bore only as many children as they wanted and
could sustain with their many community responsibilities, so obviously no
family would be large and children would be spaced several years apart. How
would she feel being the only full-time homemaker with an army of children in a
community of professional women with their little companies of three and four
children? "That plan doesn't match the Eden ideal very well."
Cameron combed through Sara's hair with his
fingers, draping it over her shoulders. "The 'sustainable growth' idea has
never made sense to me. We have a whole planet to populate! What would Earth have
been like had Adam and Eve decided to have only three children? Or the United
States if the colonists and pioneers had stopped at two?"
Sara could not ignore the logic of Cameron's
observation. "My mother's ancestors were some of the early settlers of
Virginia and Kentucky. It was nothing for those people to have fifteen or
twenty children or more."
"And they didn't have synthesizing
machines and robots to do most of their work for them! Nor did they live to be
two hundred years old!"
"Maybe I have been looking at things
the wrong way," Sara admitted. "I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. Come
to think of it, my mom was able to do a lot of things she wanted to do, and
there were eight of us. She reads all the time, you know. She sings too and is
a wonderful actress."
"Really? Was she involved in community
theater?"
"No, not with practices and
performances on Sunday. But she did all kinds of things for our ward and stake,
and she liked to help out with school productions when she could."
"Did she ever work?"
"Cameron, my father doesn't even work!"
"Then you ought to understand better
than I do how to live the counsel of the prophets."
Sara loved the feel of him playing with her
hair. She hoped family home evening would last all night. "I guess I
shouldn't be surprised you would want me to be a stay-at-home mom."
"What do you have against it,
anyway?"
"Nothing.
I just thought the Eden ideal would allow me to be a full-time mom and have a
career. Look at your mother. She seems to have the best of both worlds."
"All women who have children are
full-time mothers, Sara. Not having a second career just makes it a lot easier
to function as one."
"You don't think your mother functions
well?"
"What I think is irrelevant. Everyone
who knows my mother believes she functions well and that is enough for
her."
"What strange things you say
sometimes!"
"Don't misunderstand me. I never
doubted my mother's love for us, and I have no desire to criticize her. She's doing
the best she can with the choices she and my father have made. You're going to
have to trust me on this issue. You are not Barbara Carroll. You wouldn't be
happy living the kind of life she leads. Honestly, I'm not sure my mother
herself is happy."
"Don't be absurd!"
"If it makes you feel any better, I
hope I'm wrong."
"Do you think she'll be angry if we
have a baby right away?"
"Does it matter?"
"She is my mentor. I feel that by
coming here at all I made a commitment to her and to the lifestyle."
"What do you want?"
Sara closed her eyes, reveling in the
luxury of being in Cameron's arms. "Right now, this moment, I
feel . . . I want very much to have your baby."
Cameron reverently placed his hand on Sara's
abdomen. "I wish you would."
"My mother was an emotional wreck when
she was pregnant, and she was tired all the time. Do you really think you're
ready for that?"
"Your mother is not a Novaunian. Your
pregnancies may not be as difficult as hers were, and the blessing did say you
would have excellent health. And even if you do have a difficult pregnancy, I'll
do everything I can to make things easier for you."
"And what about my abnormally long
life span? I'll have my last baby just in time for you to die."
"You're not thinking expansively
enough, Sara! Just think of it! The earth will pass into terrestrial glory
during our lifetime. Everyone's bodies will be changed. We'll pray that my
resurrection will be deferred to a time that corresponds with yours. It's a
reasonable request. The Lord will grant it, I'm sure of it."
Sara kissed Cameron's lips. "It's such
a beautiful dream, Cameron, but I can't reconcile what I came here to do with
the new desires that have developed in my heart in the last week. How do I know
I won't change my mind again in another month? I don't know if I want to be a
Novaunian. I certainly don't feel like one."
"I think you're more a Novaunian than
you realize. You're definitely your father's daughter, and not just because you
have the aptitude to be a librarian."
*
Sara thought and prayed about Cameron's
proposal and Ben's offer all week. Every now and then she considered discussing
Ben's offer with Barbara but never could bring herself to do it. She simply
couldn't believe her apprenticeship with Barbara was over, and so there never
seemed to be anything of substance to discuss. Finally, on Friday, she met Ben
in his office again and gave him her answer.
"While I'm flattered you would offer
me this position, I'm going to have to decline it. I'm sorry." Sara's
hands tightened on the armrests of her chair as she braced herself for his
response.
Ben laid his hand over Sara's, appearing
shocked and troubled. "Are you sure about this?"
Sara immediately perceived that he had
expected her to accept the offer, and she almost second-guessed her decision
and said no. The mere thought of it, though, unsettled her, which gave her the
strength to say, "Yes, I'm sure. The P.E. path is not the right one for
me."
"Do you have any idea why not?"
He seemed displeased.
The question seemed a little too personal,
and Sara didn't feel inclined to satisfy Ben's curiosity, even if she had been
in possession of an answer. "To tell you the truth, I don't care about the
'why.'"
Ben leaned back in his chair and studied
her for many moments. "You have no idea what you've done."
Sara folded her arms, feeling annoyed.
"I thought you said you trusted me to make the right decision."
"You're certain that you're
sure."
"Yes!"
"I can't hold this position open for
you if you change your mind." He added in a low voice: "As much as I
would like to."
"If you wanted so badly for me to take
this job, why didn't you just order me to do it in the first place?"
Ben regarded her queerly for a moment, then
relaxed. "I wouldn't dare!"
"Well?"
"I'll find someone else."
Sara stood up to leave. "Thank
you!"
Ben smiled a little as he arose from his
chair. "You pick the most exasperating times to put the governor in his
place."
"Isn't that what you want?" she
asked tentatively. "For me to think of myself as your peer?"
Ben embraced her, chuckling.
"Absolutely."
*
On Sunday, not long after Sara and Ashley
finished dressing for church, Russ asked to speak with Sara alone. To Sara's
astonishment, Russ called her to be the Primary president. "We've
discussed this calling many times during the past week, and all four of us feel
you are the one the Lord wants in this position."
"But women our age are called to be
Primary teachers and pianists, not Primary presidents."
"And men our age are called to be ward
missionaries and basketball coaches, not members of bishoprics."
"You have a point."
"Will you accept?"
"What in the galaxy is the Lord thinking?"
Russ smiled knowingly. "He's thinking
you will make an excellent Primary president."
Sara accepted the calling because she could
do nothing else. The colonists gathered in the Star Lounge for their second
Sacrament meeting as a new ward. This time the presidents of all of the
auxiliaries were sustained. Some of the callings, such as Sara's, surprised
everyone. Others, such as Cyndi Carroll as Relief Society president, didn't
surprise anyone.
After Sacrament meeting Sara gathered with
the other newly called ward leaders in Ben's office. Sara decided she would
wait and be the last to be set apart. Since she and Cameron desired to marry,
this blessing would be a particularly intimate experience she had no wish for
anyone but Cameron's family members to witness.
Once all of the other newly called ward
leaders had left and only Cameron's family and the bishopric remained, Cameron
laid his hands on Sara's head, thrilling her. Russ followed suit. "Sara
Sekura Avenaunta . . ." Cameron hesitated, then added, as
if it were an afterthought, ". . . Alexander."
Understanding blossomed in Sara's mind. Those strange middle names were her
real name, while "Alexander" was the surname her parents had taken
when they had arrived on Earth, making it superfluous. Why had she not
perceived that fact two weeks ago?
". . . I bless you with
the ability to appreciate the great trust the Lord has in you by calling you
into this position . . . I bless you to be filled with the
Spirit, that you will know who in the ward the Lord wishes to serve with you as
counselors . . . The Lord loves you and understands your
confusion regarding the decision you are pondering. As you pray with your whole
soul, He will help you discern the truth and will speak peace to your mind and
heart . . ."
When the blessing was over, Cameron laid
his hands on Sara's shoulders, giving them an affectionate squeeze. Sara didn't
move immediately, wanting to enjoy the feelings of rapture created by this
three-way communion between her, Cameron and the Lord.
Sara didn't feel as if her many questions
had been answered, but she did feel confident that she could meet the
responsibilities of being Primary president, and she knew that the Lord would
give her an answer about Cameron and help her become reconciled to her
Novaunian heritage. Sara stood up slowly and turned toward Cameron. He smiled
radiantly. She hadn't thought it possible to love someone so much and almost
proposed to him at that moment, but as she moved into Cameron's arms, she
caught a glimpse of Barbara smiling and holding hands with Ben, and she
remembered why she had come to Eden in the first place. The doubts descended on
her again, but she shoved them away, determined to lose herself, for a few
moments anyway, in Cameron's embrace.
*
On Monday evening, Cameron and Sara
strolled to her dorm doorway while everyone else went to family home evening.
When Sara was certain no one was in the corridor, she threw her arms around
Cameron and kissed him vigorously. Many minutes later she whispered in his ear,
"You know, the ward's going to start getting suspicious when they realize
the bishop is never at family home evening."
Cameron pulled away a little and smiled.
"You are my family, Sara. Close enough, anyway."
"That's an interesting way to look at
it."
Cameron slid to the floor, pulling Sara
down with him. "It's the only way I want to look at it."
Sara leaned her back against Cameron's
chest and nestled against him as he wrapped his arms around her. "I feel
the need to remind you that we aren't engaged . . . yet."
Cameron caressed her neck with his lips.
"So there's still hope."
Sara laughed gently. "Would I be here
with you like this if there weren't?"
"I don't know . . . you
did date the brigade."
"David ordered those guys to ask me
out, I swear!"
Cameron's lips moved to Sara's ear. "I
have something important to tell you."
Sara sat up a little and turned to look at
him. His expression was very serious. "Well?"
"I spent some time with my father
today, and he offered me a job."
Sara frowned. "He offered you
a . . .?"
Cameron laid his fingertips on Sara's lips,
nodding slowly. "He offered me the same job he offered to you. And I
accepted it." The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "It looks as
if you may be marrying the colony's P.E. teacher."
"But Cameron, what about
engineering?"
Cameron shrugged. "After everything
that's happened in the last few weeks, my desire to be a nanoengineer seems
pretty trivial."
Sara turned away. "You make me feel
selfish and frivolous."
Cameron stroked her hair. "You shouldn't.
It obviously wasn't the right path for you, but it is for me."
"How can it be?"
"Things will be better this way. It's
been awkward being the bishop and a student. This will give me a profession--a
very flexible one. I want to do this, Sara."
Sara now understood why she had felt so
uneasy about taking the P.E. job. It had always been meant for Cameron. With
that realization, though, came doubt. Why hadn't Ben offered the job to Cameron
first? As the bishop, Cameron really did need professional status in the
colony. That his father had ignored that fact seemed a significant slight.
Cameron covered Sara's mouth with his hand.
"Don't say it, Sara. It doesn't matter."
Sara raised her eyebrows at him.
He smiled complacently. "Yes, I know
what you're thinking because I can read your face."
Sara pried his hand off of her mouth.
"No you can't!"
"Okay. I can read your mind."
"It doesn't bother you that he offered
the job to me first?"
"Why should it? You're better
qualified."
"Only marginally, and only because you
went on a mission! Had you not gone to China, you could have had your pick of
universities!"
"None of that matters now."
"It seems wrong that only
qualifications, and negligible ones at that, would be considered in a decision
like this instead of fundamental talent and need."
"My father may have had no choice but
to offer it to you first. Other colony leaders may have insisted."
"I suppose that's possible."
Sara kept telling herself that what Cameron
had suggested was true, that Ben had offered the job to her first only because
the Board of Advisors had insisted because of her qualifications. By the end of
the evening, Sara had almost convinced herself that there could be no other
explanation. She didn't even mind believing that Ben had approached her first
because he didn't want her to become even more disgruntled than she had been.
She could also accept the possibility that Ben wanted Cameron to continue his
education in engineering. Engineering would, after all, give Cameron a better
income than P.E. once they returned to Earth.
Deep down, however, Sara didn't believe any
of these theories. Her conversations with Ben on the subject were still too
vivid in her mind. Ben had offered the position to her first because he wanted
her to have it. Had he been able, he would have held it open for her, which led
her to believe that someone on the Board of Advisors had been pushing for
Cameron all along. Probably his mother, his aunt and uncle, and maybe others.
Despite her best efforts, Sara couldn't rid herself of the unsettling
realization that Ben had more respect for her than for his son. With that understanding
came an unanswerable question: Why?
Was it because Sara believed in The
Equality of Zion and Cameron did not? Could it be that she had been ignoring
the truth all this time? That Ben really did believe Cameron was a fanatic and
therefore had no respect for him? Could it be that Ben had wanted to keep
Cameron in the position of student to minimize his power in the colony? Was Ben
really capable of discriminating against his son in such a despicable way? Then
again, was the fact that Ben had offered her the position first really so
despicable? She was better qualified.
Perhaps Ben had been afraid he would be accused of favoritism if he offered it
to Cameron first.
But that wasn't it and Sara knew it. Ben
had wanted her in the position. Cameron was his second choice. Could there be
some other explanation for Ben's behavior? For the first time in three weeks,
the image of Bishop Lanham's grave face nudged itself into Sara's mind with his
unthinkable suggestion: "My gut
feeling is that he's attracted to you and can't resist pursuing it."
Could Ben be interested in her romantically? It simply wasn't
possible . . . or was it? Ben had a wonderful wife and their
marriage seemed normal enough. Ben had always been friendly to be sure, but he
was friendly to everyone . . . wasn't he? He had never made any
kind of advance, and they had been alone on several occasions.
Sara went over and over everything that had
happened between her and Ben in her mind. Ben's behavior had been a little
strange at times, but never unseemly. Nothing pointed to romantic feelings, and
yet the suspicion was one she couldn't discard. Then it occurred to her that
she had never heard Kevin Krantz, Ben's own student, refer to him as anything
but "Dr. Carroll." She told herself that it meant nothing, that Ben
was treating her in such a familiar way because she was his son's girlfriend,
but then she had to acknowledge the fact that Ben was the only person in the
colony who had ever expressed disapproval of her relationship with Cameron.
Considering his feelings on the subject, it seemed he would prefer to keep a
distance between himself and Sara.
Unless he was interested in her himself.
No. That was absurd! It couldn't be. Ben Carroll was a righteous man, a great man--not a philanderer. And he had
to know that Sara would never consent to such a relationship, even to be with a
world-renowned psychologist and the governor of a new colony. Other women might
lower their standards for such an important, wealthy man, but not Sara. So it
couldn't be that. Were Ben a philanderer, he would have chosen someone else.
Unless he was trying to seduce her. But a
man who would seduce chaste young women would be worse than an ordinary
adulterer; he would be a pervert. And that simply wasn't possible in Ben
Carroll's case. Sara knew it, and yet every time he spoke to her now, she felt
a tug of curiosity and a twinge of dread.
Thursday morning, a week and a half after
Cameron had accepted the P.E. job and three and a half weeks after leaving
Earth, Sara watched eagerly from the porthole as the shuttle approached Eden.
Cameron's arm was draped over her seat, with fingers in her hair, and his cheek
caressing hers as he watched too. Mammoth glaciers curled around the poles, and
immense oceans surrounded two wide, narrow continents that almost touched along
the equator. The northern continent looked a little like a giant brown crab.
"The island there between the
continents is where Control Colony will be," Ben said from his seat behind
Sara. "And we'll be at the northernmost end of that mountain range on the
northern continent, near the ocean."
"It all looks so very ordinary,"
Cameron observed.
Sara refused to let Cameron spoil this
awe-filled moment. "Stop being such a pessimist!"
"I'm not being a pessimist. I just
think it looks like Earth. Basic, beautiful Earth."
"Eden is Earth as it should look,
pristine and unpolluted," Barbara said.
"We'll make it into a paradise,"
Ben assured.
Sara watched, spellbound, as the coastlines
disappeared and the landforms came into focus. From what Sara could see from
the porthole, they really were descending into paradise. The shuttle soared
over a hilly, heavily wooded country laced with lakes and streams before
floating to the ground and landing in a meadow. Sara and Cameron inched to the
exit with the other colonists and stepped down into hip-deep grass. Children
squealed with delight as they tried to run and ended up falling down.
Sara deeply inhaled the fragrance of fresh
grass and wild cherry trees in bloom. No cloud darkened the brilliant blue sky.
"It's beautiful! Like Maryland in May."
"A little cool for May," Ashley
murmured, gripping her arms with her hands. "I should have worn long
sleeves."
Cameron reached into the grass and lifted
out a handful of buttercups. "I'm not sure there's anywhere on Earth quite
as beautiful as Maryland in May," he said, presenting the flowers to Sara.
Sara took them eagerly. "Except
perhaps Maryland in early April, when the fruit trees are in bloom, and the
world is a pale green haze."
Ashley rubbed her arms in an attempt to
warm up. "Or perhaps Maryland in October, when the world is crimson,
yellow, and orange."
Cameron nodded decisively. "That settles
it. We're going home."
The grass rustled as Sara and Cameron waded
toward the cargo shuttle, where an airtruck was being lowered to the ground, a
synthesizing machine the size of a garage strapped to its bed. The driver moved
the airtruck out of the way, and the shuttles lifted into the air, taxied into
position above the trees, then shot away.
Ben and his brother took their places in
the passenger seats of the truck and directed the driver to move it into the
forest as everyone followed on foot, picking through the brush and ground
cover.
The truck stopped in a smaller clearing
than the one they had just left and hissed as the driver lowered it to the
ground. Trevor Carroll jumped out of the truck and pressed a button on the side
of the synthesizing machine. A large door lifted open, revealing all of the ice
blue crates containing the individual belongings of the colonists. Everyone
worked to unload the crates and set them out of the way.
Once the synthesizing machine was empty,
Trevor Carroll flipped a keyboard attached to the machine into a horizontal
position and typed in several commands. Ben motioned the colonists to gather
around him and said, "While we're waiting for the unit to assemble the
other synthesizing machines, let me show you the areas we staked out six months
ago."
They followed him as he wound through
several clusters of trees and stopped in a clearing dotted with the most
beautiful dogwood trees Sara had ever seen, still partially in bloom, their
single pink and white flowers seeming to float on clouds of green. Daisies grew
in clumps where the sun shown through the trees, along with buttercups and many
other varieties of wildflowers Sara didn't recognize. There were lilacs,
azaleas, tulips, and irises in bloom and roses, both wild and domestic, in bud.
The spot looked like a large garden.
Everyone's gasps seemed as one. Sara
glanced at Cameron, pleased to see that he was as impressed by the sight as
everyone else was.
"This beautiful place," Ben
enthusiastically began, "will be the center of our colony and is the site
we have chosen for our future temple."
"It's perfect!" Sara turned her
head toward Cameron again as the colonists applauded and cheered. Cameron's
awestruck smile tightened into a determined line. He released Sara's hand and
wound his way to his father. Sara watched him, paralyzed with anxiety. What in
the galaxy did he intend to do?
"I'm sorry," Cameron said loudly,
"to disturb your celebration." His voice softened as the colonists turned
to him in curiosity. "But every one of you heard what President Grant
said. There will never be a temple here."
Samantha waved her hand at Cameron in a
dismissive way. "Stop being such a pessimist, Cameron! We all know you don't
want to be here, but you don't have to spoil it for the rest of us!"
Anger stabbed Sara. Why did Cameron have to
be such a pessimist? What was wrong with him?
Cameron turned toward Samantha. "I
don't mean to be a pessimist, I really don't. And this is a beautiful site,
perfect for a temple if there were ever to be one. But I would be doing you a
grave disservice if I didn't do everything in my power to dissuade you from
believing in this fantasy."
Ben chuckled, shaking his head at Cameron
as if he were a misbehaving child. "You're only a bishop, son, not a
prophet." Contemptuous chuckles sounded throughout the crowd.
Sara held her breath, waiting to see how
Cameron would react, her anger toward him transforming into fierce loyalty. Ben
really did think his son was a fanatic and maybe even a fool! That was why he
had more respect for her than he did for Cameron and had offered the P.E. job
to her first. Sara thought she should be relieved that her other theory had
turned out to be unfounded, but discovering that Ben was capable of such
discrimination made her more confused and uncomfortable than ever.
Cameron faced his father as if unaware he
was an object of ridicule. "My only intention is to relay what the prophet
himself has said."
As Cameron moved to rejoin Sara, his mother's
voice rang out, cool with challenge: "You seem to be forgetting the
blessing your father gave you, Cameron."
Cameron stopped suddenly. Sara watched at
him in dismay, remembering all of the promises given to him in that blessing
and the prophecy concerning Eden and a temple. Perhaps Cameron really was the
one in the wrong. Maybe Ben was right to call him down in front of the colony.
Cameron turned his head slowly toward his
mother, his features twisting into an expression of grief. "I would rather
not talk about that."
"You're the one who brought it up,
Cameron," Ben said.
"Many of us were there," Trevor
Carroll persisted with a nod. "In declaring there will be no temple on
Eden, you are calling your father a liar. You owe us an explanation."
Sara couldn't believe this was happening.
Soft yellow petals floated from her fingers as she plucked them from the
flowers she held in her hands. No matter what Cameron did or said he couldn't
win. How had he ended up in this nightmare? Why had he been called to be the
bishop at all? Why had Ben begged the Church to organize the colonists into a
ward if he had no intention of respecting the authority of the man called to be
the bishop? Why was Cameron so adamant about maintaining his radical point of
view?
Cameron answered the challenge carefully.
"I don't believe my father is a liar. But . . . if what is
promised in a blessing contradicts what those in authority have proclaimed, I
can only assume the blessing is uninspired."
Sara dropped the flowerless stems,
bewilderment fogging her mind. Ben, a great spiritual leader, did not give
uninspired blessings, but Cameron didn't lie, and he had been given authority
as a bishop to discern such matters. Shouts of outrage thundered around Sara.
"You would actually accuse your father
of giving you an uninspired blessing?" said Dr. Todd Jarrett.
"I didn't accuse him of anything."
"What kind of son are you?" said
Patricia Dixon.
"He's a parrot for the Church, that's
what he is!" said Kevin Krantz.
"Bishop Carroll is not a parrot!"
Tony insisted. "He's an inspired leader and he doesn't lie!"
Sara wanted to cheer. Seeing Tony defend
Cameron now more than made up for his lack of support at the initial United
Hearts Forum.
"Which makes Dr. Carroll an uninspired
liar!" Jordan said. "Which makes you a complete idiot for being here
at all!"
"Tony is no idiot and you know it,
Jordan Tressler!" Sara shouted.
Cameron listened to the proceedings, appalled.
Ben wore a self-satisfied little smile. When he turned to confront Cameron, the
shouts faded away. "You mean to tell us, Cameron, that every word that
comes out of the mouth of one in 'authority' is inspired?"
Sara shivered. What had happened to the
sun?
"It doesn't matter," Cameron
responded. "Our priesthood leaders act for the Lord in their particular
stewardships and we are duty-bound to follow them."
"So we follow them blindly, is that
it?"
"No, we follow them alertly, with eyes
wide open."
"Even when the counsel makes no sense
in our own individual situations?"
"It didn't make much sense for Noah to
build the ark, but he did it anyway and saved himself and his family when
everyone else died."
Sara was impressed by the way Cameron so
deftly untangled himself from his father's word traps and with such dignity
too. The wind threw her hair into her face and blew wilting pink and white
dogwood blossoms around the grove. She forced her hair away from her eyes,
frowning up at the sky, which was rippled with deep gray clouds. Certainly it
wouldn't storm. Not today. Where would they go for shelter?
"There you have it," Ben said
pleasantly, holding a flattened palm toward Cameron as if presenting him to the
colonists. "My son has expressed his opinion. And very well, I might add.
I suggest we humor him for a while, give him time to recognize his
determination to live every counsel that comes out of the mouth of a general
authority for what it is--hero worship."
Cyndi Carroll elbowed her way to the front
of the crowd. "I can't stand by and listen to you refer to your son in
such a condescending way, Ben!" She shook her head indignantly, holding
her long brown hair out of her face. "Not only is he a good man, he's our
bishop."
Sara listened to all of the murmurs of
agreement in surprise and satisfaction. The colonists had followed Ben to Eden,
but they couldn't help but like Cameron, and they did respect the office of
bishop.
Ben scrutinized his son. "You are a
good man, Cameron," he admitted, his tone impassive rather than pleased.
"And you are our bishop."
Cameron's mouth curved into that sad smile
Sara had seen him wear so often during the past five days. "It seems,
Father, that you made a mistake when you raised me. You took me to Primary, and
I actually believed what I was taught there."
The colonists looked from Cameron to each
other, frowning in discomfort and confusion. After a moment Sister Vance
stepped forward and waved a thin hand in the direction of a grove of ash trees.
"Come. See the rest of our beautiful colony. We'll build such a glorious
city that even our reluctant bishop will never want to leave."
As the colonists began moving into the ash
grove, Tony approached Sara. He smiled tentatively. "Do you respect me
again?"
Sara nodded and gave him a hug.
"I'm as confused about all of this as
you must be," he whispered. "Please be merciful."
She knew she hadn't been merciful at all.
She hadn't challenged him on his lack of courage after the forum, but she hadn't
conversed with him much since then either. "I'm sorry I ever doubted
you."
As he pulled away from her, he said
mournfully, "Is it possible to be Cameron's supporters, and pathetic ones
at that, and not be traitors to Dr. Carroll?"
"I wish I knew."
"When you figure it out, you tell
me," Tony said as he joined the flow of colonists out of the clearing.
Sara meant to follow Tony with the others,
but once everyone was gone, she found that she had not moved an inch, despite
the fact that the wind seemed determined to push her over. She and Cameron
surveyed each other from their separate positions in the clearing. Then, as if
by mutual agreement, they slowly walked toward each other. Cameron stopped when
he was about a yard away from Sara. "You're still here," he said as
if he didn't believe it.
"It seems I have a dilemma." Sara
stretched her arm to touch Cameron's hand but couldn't quite reach it. "I
came to Eden because I believe in the father, but I want the son to win."
"And did I win today?"
"Yes," Sara whispered, stepping
forward and wrapping her arms around his waist.
Cameron shuddered and clutched her
fiercely. Cameron didn't seem to want to speak, and Sara couldn't. She wished
she hadn't seen this dark side of Ben's personality, this weakness that drove
him to deride his son in public. She wanted to ignore it, to deny that Ben
would ever do something so deplorable, but Cameron's hurt and humiliation made
that impossible.
Eventually Sara became aware that she was
feeling moisture on her arms and back. Cameron pulled away slightly, tilting
his head toward the sky and looking around, puzzled. "How can it be
raining? Fifteen minutes ago, there wasn't a cloud in the sky."
It was
bizarre. "And I thought Maryland storms were abrupt. What are we going
to do?"
"Wait it out, I guess." His arm
tightened around her as they hurried into the ash grove after the other
colonists, cold wind roaring through the trees and the rain shooting down so
hard it stung their skin.
They found the others fluttering around in
chaos near the edge of the original clearing, near the giant synthesizing
machine. The mothers with infants squeezed into the cab of the truck, and
parents of small, shivering children crouched against the synthesizing machine.
Rain gushed out of the sky, pooling around the trees.
"We'd better get these kids
running," Sara said in concern, "or they'll start dropping from
hypothermia."
Cameron grabbed Sara's hand and ran toward
the crowd, yelling, "Hey, boys! Sister Alexander was a BYU track champion!
Why don't you see if you can catch her!"
Sara thumbed her nose at the two
twelve-year-olds eyeing her most skeptically and taunted, "Girls are
faster than boys!" She ran across the clearing as fast as the long grass
would let her, and every boy between the ages of eight and eighteen sprang away
after her.
"Come on, girls!" Sara heard
Cameron urge. "If Sister Alexander can run circles around those boys, so
can you!" By the time Sara passed the synthesizing machine, finishing her
first lap around the clearing, fifteen or so girls had joined her.
Cameron led all of the adults who would run
in an easy pace around the clearing in the direction opposite to Sara and her
group. One of the young dads started the small children playing tag.
After a couple of laps, Sara slowed her
pace just enough so that the fastest of the boys and girls could catch up with
her.
"You getting tired, Sister
Alexander?"
"Who me? Not a chance!"
"I'm going to pass you!"
"I'll make a deal with you. You keep
going as long as I do, and I'll buy you pizza!"
One of the girls laughed. "Where're
you going to get pizza, Sister Alexander?"
"Maybe we'll make mud pies
instead!"
After Sara had circled the clearing several
times, she criss-crossed it, then ran with the wind with her arms out as if she
were flying, then led her group in a figure eight. Cameron tried to run his
group opposite hers every time, with varying degrees of success. By the time
the rain eased thirty minutes later, the two groups of runners had become
tangled up with the group playing tag, and everyone was in hysterics.
Once the rain had stopped completely and
the sun was again bright in the sky, the colonists, relieved that no one had
fallen victim to hypothermia, opened their crates. They took turns wrapping
themselves in the few blankets and towels there were and changed into dry
clothing, chattering about this first adventure.
Soon cries of children chasing each other
echoed in the trees again. Trevor Carroll opened the synthesizing machine,
revealing many more synthesizing machines of various sizes stacked inside like
a wall of bricks.
"That is so cool!" Sara said,
combing her wet black hair and finally feeling warm in a BYU sweatshirt
identical to the one Cameron was wearing. She still found it difficult to
believe that billions of robots the size of molecules could be created in those
machines and programmed to assemble matter from the atom up.
"It is," Cameron agreed.
"And what's even more impressive is that we didn't need the Zarrists to
learn the technology. We already had it, in its embryo stage, of course."
"It would have taken us decades,
though, perhaps even a century or two to learn on our own what the Zarrists
taught us in only a few years."
"Perhaps. But there are two things the
Zarrists haven't been able to do yet, as far as I can tell."
"What is that?"
"Build a unit that doesn't require
that bulky box. And synthesize chili dogs, of course."
*
Cameron worked with his uncle's team to
activate the energy fields inside of the synthesizing tanks that would prevent
the molecular robots from disassembling their way out of the machines. They
then manufactured food, camping gear, and building materials and tools for the
colony, as well as robots of various sizes to remove the brush from their
camping sites and level the land for their buildings. All of the refuse
generated by the camp went into the decomposers to produce priming solution for
the synthesizing machines.
The colonists divided into groups and
assembled the prefabricated homes on lots that had been staked out six months
before. The colony's architects and engineers had worked with the Zarrists to
modify the original designs of the homes into styles that would be pleasing to
the colonists. The homes slotted together easily, built out of hardy
"building boards," which could be synthesized in various sizes,
colors, and textures.
None of the colonists believed the bishop
should live with his parents or that his counselors should live with the other
male students in the dormitory. Since four of the colony's families had chosen
to remain on Earth after hearing President Grant speak, four of the original
thirty-five lots became available for Cameron, Tony, Russ, and Brent Hall to
choose from for their own homes. Since Cameron was the only one of the four
with professional status, he received the first choice of lots. He chose the
largest one, nearly three acres, which was located in an area that would be
near the church building.
After the work was finished that evening,
Cameron found Sara and the two of them moved camp chairs under a tree near the
women's dormitory to talk.
"You have to tell me what style and
color of house I should have made," Cameron said.
Cameron's request surprised Sara. She
thought the house for that lot had been chosen months ago. "You don't know
what you want?"
"It doesn't matter to me. What would
you like?"
As much as she loved Cameron, Sara did not
want to lead him into believing they were engaged. "What if I decide not
to marry you?"
"And what if you do? Should I have
Ashley pick your house out for you? Or my mother?"
Sara shook her head quickly.
"Colonial. With white siding, black shutters, and a black roof. We can
plant red azaleas in the front."
"Sounds striking. I like it."
Cameron nodded. "See, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
Brandon approached them. "Mother wants
to know if you're staying with us tonight."
"I guess so," Cameron replied
with a shrug. "If you have room."
Sara and Cameron's conversation never moved
beyond planning Cameron's house that night because no one would leave them
alone. Eventually they separated to sleep, severely disappointed.
The original synthesizing machine worked
all night to assemble an aircar and worked all the next day producing building
parts to finish the shells of the thirty-three homes, the hospital, and the
warehouse that would shelter the colony synthesizing machines. The colonists
named their city Woodland Park, which would be arranged in an irregular hexagon
around the dogwood grove. By the end of the day, they had completed the shells
for all of the homes and hospital and had slotted together the foundation for
the warehouse. They had also erected the communications center and had
assembled phones for every member of the colony, along with hospital supplies,
lights, and hygiene equipment.
Friday evening, when Sara and Cameron moved
their chairs under the tree to talk, Cameron hammered a sign into the ground a
few yards away from their chairs that read: "I'm on a date with the most
beautiful woman in the universe. Disturb me if you dare!"
Tohmazz
Zarr stood near the window-wall of his palace suite, his heart expanding with
pride as he surveyed his glorious new city. The buildings spread in front of
him like terraces amid gardens, sprawling and spacious. He and his people had
finally found hope in this expansive land with its unending sky, but paradise
still eluded them.
If only his people could draw some of the
fertility from this land that surrounded them and burgeon into the great race
they were meant to be! Centuries of cramped living space and the subsequent
restriction on births had left them virtually barren. His wife had borne him
two strong sons, but other noble families had not been so blessed. Upon
arriving on Earth, he had counted on the blood of the Earthons to rejuvenate
his people and had urged all but those of the highest noble blood to take
Earthon spouses.
The babies were coming more rapidly than
they would have had his people married within the race, but they weren't coming
rapidly enough, especially among the Nobility and Aristocracy. Many young people
still could not bring themselves to marry the Earthon savages, and others
simply could not overcome the inherent infertility of their race, even with a
fertile Earthon partner.
Zarr had long known, deep down, that he
needed a young couple of the highest nobility to put the survival of their
nation above love and set an example for the others. He had known it and had
dreaded it, because only one noble couple could make this sacrifice and bring
about the needed results--Jahnzel and his beloved Myri.
Zarr transmitted a thought and turned
toward his telepathic transmission recorder to view the image he had ordered.
Seventeen-year-old Myri Vahro stood before him as if she were there in person,
her infant-ready young body modestly clothed from neck to ankle in a shimmering
white silk dress, embroidered with spirit crystal. Pale blond strands of hair
coiled around jewels all over her head and ringlets draped her shoulders in a
luxurious style reminiscent of the Ancient World.
Zarr sighed. No young Earthon woman could
be as beautiful and faithful as Myri or more worthy of his son. No young woman
of his own people could be more like a daughter to him, even Myri's sister, the
young woman he had married to Arulezz two years before, the young woman who
would someday be the Divine Empress. He suspected even Arulezz would have
preferred to make Myri his wife instead of Jesalya, had Myri been of age and
her heart turned to him. Myri was a queen of nobles, and had she been chosen to
be the next Divine Empress, she could have fulfilled the call well. How could
he marry her to an Earthon savage? How could he wrench her out of the
cherishing embrace of his deserving son? Did rejuvenating the race truly
require such a sacrifice?
Zarr sat down in his overstuffed office
chair and lovingly ran his finger over the polished mahogany desk in front of
him. He had worked hard to get his people so far, and perhaps they had come far
enough. Perhaps. He would know they had if his fortified fleet proved strong
enough to repel an attack from a rival nation. In the meantime, however, he had
no choice but to prepare for the possibility that he would have to push his
people to greater consecration by sacrificing his son and Myri.
Zarr had identified nearly a hundred young
women suitable for his son. Jahnzel would be heartbroken to give up Myri, but
in the end, he would do his duty and be content enough with the Earthon woman
he chose. Myri, on the other hand, was more of a problem. She lived in Teton
Colony and had not yet mingled with the Earthons. She possessed innocence borne
of being sheltered, which was necessary if she was to become a Divine
Princess--a Divine Princess must be
pure and holy. Since the Earthons didn't, as a rule, appreciate such innocence
and holiness, he had not found five unmarried Earthon warriors he believed were
capable of treating Myri with the tenderness she both required and deserved.
Zarr transmitted another thought and
brought up the image of the one young Earthon warrior he believed almost worthy of Myri Vahro, brigade
commander of the United States Naval Academy, David Eugene Pierce, standing
upright and confident in his white dress uniform. Zarr leaned back in his chair
and brought his hand to his chin, gazing at Pierce's image next to Myri's and
pondering.
Yes . . . David Pierce would
be the perfect consort for Myri and an excellent commander in the fleet. He
would, moreover, in marrying Myri, become an example to his peers. Zarr
believed that if he could recruit Pierce, he would strike a strong blow at the
Nationalists and their irritating practice of encouraging their young people to
join the archaic domestic military organizations and law enforcement agencies
instead of Star Force.
Zarr didn't think that either the domestic
armies or the Guardian-supported United Nations could harm his empire, but they
were drawing many of the best potential officers away from Star Force, the
patriotic, duty-inspired men and women who were the core of any successful
government or military organization. Some of his Star Force recruits possessed
true "planet pride" but more had joined Star Force because he had
compelled them through the bond. Still others had joined for the monetary
security and adventure. Zarr had to entice the idealistic ones somehow, and
perhaps David Pierce was the key.
The problem with Pierce, however, had
always been that his determination to marry a woman of his own faith was as
strong as his nationalism. Zarr had been afraid Pierce might refuse to marry
Myri even if she bonded him, and then new information had come.
Zarr transmitted a thought to save the
image of Pierce and brought up an image of Pierce's new love interest--Ashley
Carroll. He positioned Ashley next to Myri and compared them, hope rising
within him. Myri was like a white lily reigning over the early spring snow, and
Ashley was like a yellow one bursting through late spring strawberries. Except
for that slight difference in complexion, they were so alike they could be
sisters. If Myri cut her hair and learned to dress the way American Mormon
women did, Pierce would respond to her powerfully; he wouldn't be able to help
himself.
Zarr knew that if he wanted Myri to marry
David Pierce, he needed to move soon. Once Pierce graduated from the U.S. Naval
Academy the following June, he would be free to wed and probably would as soon
as he found a young woman who appealed to him. If the young woman didn't happen
to be Myri, then Myri would lose her best chance of marrying an Earthon she
could love and respect, and the Holy Nation of the Son of God would lose a
prime opportunity to strike a blow at the Nationalists and strengthen Star
Force.
Despite the gains that would come through a
union between Myri and David Pierce, doubt still nagged. He decided to summon
Arulezz and get his opinion.
*
Trendaul and Teri returned home from the
spaceport and waited for Sara to call them and say, "Mom, Dad, I made a
mistake. Come and get me. Hurry!" Tuesday morning the news reported that
the Eden transport had left Earth's space territory and still Sara hadn't
called.
Trendaul entered the house that afternoon
to the sound of Teri's heavenly voice from the kitchen harmonizing perfectly
with rock pianist Billy Joel as he sang the nostalgic "New York State of
Mind." The saxophone played a bluesy solo, moving Trendaul to reach into
his own memories.
He had come home from work one day early in
his marriage to find Teri vigorously mopping the kitchen floor to Queen's
bizarre "Bohemian Rhapsody." Teri sang and acted out the song as she
mopped, while two-year-old Sara held a sponge to the floor with her finger and
skipped around it, bobbing her head back and forth. Trendaul had been shocked
to realize that his new soul mate wasn't a Novaunian in disguise--she was an
Earthon!
As the Billy Joel song sauntered to a
close, Trendaul wound his way through stuffed garbage bags labeled
"Charity" on his way to the stereo. He pushed the button to skip
forward several songs and turned up the volume for the upbeat "Movin'
Out."
Trendaul jogged into the dining room with
his fists extended, growling like a motorcycle. Teri met him at the threshold
of the kitchen, smiling weakly. Trendaul declared, imitating the fed-up tone of
Anthony from the song, "Hop on, Mama, we're movin' out!"
Tears came to Teri's eyes, and she quickly
wiped them away. "I haven't been able to listen to anyone but Billy all
day."
Trendaul brushed a golden brown curl away
from Teri's face and kissed her as her hands slid under his suit jacket and she
moved comfortably into his arms. "I guess it's time to sell the gold and
close down the accounts."
"The bishop called earlier. The ward
is being dissolved this week."
"So they're finally kicking us
out." For over a year they had been meeting in Frederick with the only
ward left of what had been a large stake, and that ward had dwindled to the
size of a branch as members moved to temple communities or disappeared into
Zarr's network of organizations.
Desperation touched Teri's eyes. "And
that's not all. Apparently the Church has already started sending home the
missionaries."
That was serious. Trendaul released Teri
and moved to the window. He leaned on the lower sash and studied the sky. What
was happening out there that he couldn't see? "So Cameron was coming home
whether he went to Eden or not."
"Apparently so. The bishop has a house
for us in Kensington--one of the added advantages of your being a temple
worker, I guess. The Lanhams are going to Wheaton, so they won't be too far
away."
Bishop Lanham had been urging them to move
for some time but understood Trendaul's true status and why they had waited.
"When will the house be available?"
"In a couple of weeks."
Trendaul had never been so grateful to have
a concerned bishop. I'm sorry about Kansas City."
"I know."
"We may get there sooner than you
think." Trendaul believed life would be easier if he could just move Teri
and the children to Kansas City and be done with it. Then again, to make such a
choice would mean that he would probably not see his own family again before he
died. How could he make such a decision?
"They'll find us in Kensington, Tren.
You'll see."
*
As David, Josh, and Aaron loaded the last
of the boxes into the moving van, Trendaul stood on the front lawn, gazing at
the house, remembering his arrival on Earth as he stroked Too Cool, almost
unaware of the interstate highway roaring in the trees a quarter of a mile
away.
All of the houses he and Krista had looked
at had repelled them, but Krista had liked this little white colonial with its
light gray-blue shutters and picturesque view of wooded hills better than any
of the others. Even so, Trendaul had tried to persuade her to choose a
different house. Not only had he thought living so close to a major highway
would be unsettling for both of them, he had known the house would feel
insecure to Krista when the thunderstorms came. Sure enough, not a week after
they had moved into the house, a thunderstorm had put her into hysterics.
How
can these Earthons be so stupid? She hid her head in his lap as the wind
howled and the house groaned and shivered. They
build their houses out of wood!
Trendaul had
felt his own muscles tense and heart pound frantically. We could have purchased the flat one. It was covered with bricks.
Red bricks! And a gray roof! It was so ugly!
The thunderstorm had passed, and the house
had remained standing, becoming beautiful to Trendaul as he learned more about
Earth and grew excited about the important work he and his wife were doing
there. Krista, however, had sunk into depression, hating Earth more and more
each day until finally, it had killed her.
Trendaul thought it ironic that the house
Krista had chosen had always been more Teri's than hers. Trendaul remembered
the first stormy summer night they had spent together after their wedding. Teri
had turned the loveseat around so that they could cuddle together in it and
watch the storm out the front window. "Look at the way the lightning
dances over the hills," she had said breathlessly.
"Doesn't it frighten you?" he had
asked as the house rattled under an explosion of thunder.
She had messed up his hair as if he were a
silly child and had said in that cute Kansas twang, "These little Maryland
storms are nothin' compared to the
storms where I grew up."
The sound of a vehicle pulling into the
driveway nudged Trendaul out of his reverie. He turned and watched a miniature
truck jerk to a stop. He surveyed the driver, a man with the black hair and
milky fair skin characteristic of the Avenaunta family. A millisecond later,
Trendaul realized that the man wasn't just any Avenaunta, he was his older
brother Gavaun, a pilot for Novaunian Fleet.
Excitement seized Trendaul, laced with
relief. "Gavaun!" he cried, setting Too Cool on the ground and moving
to the truck in long strides, almost running.
Gavaun emerged from the truck grinning, his
pale blue eyes wide with delight. "And I told Father you had probably
forgotten us, you savage!"
Trendaul laughed as they embraced and
kissed each other on the cheeks. "Don't be absurd!"
Gavaun motioned to his partner, a tall man
not much older than David, with wavy honey blond hair and jade green eyes.
"Sharad Quautar, Trendaul. His name will be Quinn while he is here."
"Sharad Quautar?" Trendaul said
in disbelief, holding his hand out level with his waist. "Little Sharad
Quautar?"
Sharad grinned. "Yes, that was
I."
"It's good to see you again,
Sharad," Trendaul said, extending his hand.
Sharad shook Trendaul's hand as if he had
been greeting people that way his entire life. "It is nice to see you
again too, Mr. Alexander." He couldn't seem to resist adding, "You
are the only Alexander I have ever looked down to."
Trendaul slapped Sharad on the
shoulder, chuckling. "You'd better polish your English, brother. You just
insulted me."
Sharad's smile faded. "What should I
have said?"
"'You are the only Alexander I've met
who isn't as tall as I am.'"
Sharad nodded and pondered.
"And just where are all of these tall
Alexanders none of the rest of us have met?" David demanded good-naturedly
as he approached, followed by Josh and Aaron.
"One of them is right here,"
Trendaul replied, resting his hand affectionately on Gavaun's shoulder.
"My brother, Gavaun Alexander."
David extended his hand to Gavaun.
"David Pierce. Tren's brother-in-law."
Gavaun gazed at David with interest as he
shook his hand. "Where is your sister? Trendaul's wife?"
"She left for Kensington with the kids
a half hour ago."
*
Once Trendaul was alone with Gavaun in his
car, Gavaun said with feeling, "I'm sorry about Krista."
"So am I," Trendaul replied in
the Novaunian language. They didn't dare try to communicate telepathically.
"She was so young! What a
tragedy."
"It was horrible." Trendaul still
couldn't think about what had happened without feeling a stab of nausea.
"Infant botulism in a woman age twenty-three." Even now, he didn't
allow any of his children to eat honey, and he wouldn't eat anything that he or
Teri had not prepared. Teri's family thought he was fanatical. Her mother had,
in fact, suggested once that he get some "help."
"The incident made the news,"
Trendaul continued, "which terrified me for at least a year afterward.
Then I met Teri."
Teri had been visiting his ward that fast
Sunday with a roommate from BYU whose family lived in Parkridge. Trendaul could
still see the amazed earnestness in her brown eyes when she had said, absently
playing with Sara's hand on the back of the pew, "Your testimony was
awesome. Lisa told me you're a new convert, but you don't sound like one at
all."
Having been misunderstood for so long, he
hardly dared ask, "What do you mean?"
"What do you mean?" Lisa asked Teri in surprise.
"A new convert's testimony is always
about the contrast between the old life and the new," Teri explained to
her friend, "but his is different. It permeates him. Can't you feel
it?" Then she refocused that intrigued gaze on Trendaul again. "It's
as if it's never occurred to you--not for one second of your life--to believe
anything else. I would have figured you were born in the covenant, with
generations in the Church behind you."
Trendaul, so overcome with emotion he could
barely stammer out a request for her name, had known that this young lady was
the miracle for which he had been praying and had loved her from that moment.
"I'm eager to meet your new
wife," Gavaun said.
Trendaul smiled. "New? We've been married
eighteen years! And I've had seven children with her!"
"I assume your children don't know you're
a Novaunian."
"No." Trendaul couldn't bring
himself to tell Gavaun about Sara yet. "Your presence here puts me in a
bit of an awkward situation. I'm going to have to tell the older ones, at
least, and David."
"Your revelation will pose less of a
risk than you believe. Earth's Diron benefactors are on the verge of being
thrown into chaos, if not destroyed."
"What do you mean?"
"Admirals Nexyun and Jaxzeran have
joined fleets and are on their way to Earth. They should be here in two
weeks."
"Invasion . . ."
Trendaul breathed. No wonder the Church had called all of the missionaries
home.
Gavaun nodded. "Fleet intelligence
doesn't think that even the combined Diron fleets have the resources to
significantly harm Earth itself or the native population, but they certainly
have the means to destroy Zarr's fleet."
"They must hate Zarr very much to join
forces like that."
"It wouldn't surprise anyone to see
Admirals Nexyun and Jaxzeran turn and fire on each other as soon as they think
they've eliminated Zarr. Once Zarr's fleet is destroyed, we'll have a straight
shot out of here."
"Is that why Novaun waited so long to
send you?"
"For the most part. Zarr's presence
here complicated matters, obviously. The timing had to be perfect."
"What sort of convoy did you come
in?"
"Four frigates."
Trendaul was impressed and relieved.
"That's a lot of fire power."
"What choice did we have? There are
three other agents on Earth besides you. We brought each frigate in separately
to avoid detection."
"Where is your frigate?"
"In the little mountains just west of
here. Our fleet is waiting in Vaenan space."
"The time has finally come,"
Trendaul said wryly, "and Teri and I are no closer to knowing what to do
than we were ten years ago."
"Then you only have a couple of days
to come to your senses, because we need to be on the frigate before Zarr's
enemies get here."
"I need more than a couple of
days."
"You don't have it, Trendaul. If we
wait, we could be killed. This area will be hit hard."
"I'm moving into a temple community,
and the temple communities won't be touched. God will protect them."
Gavaun laughed. "It's bad
enough you've turned into an Earthon, but a pacifist?"
Trendaul couldn't help but smile. He did
sound like a Mautysian pacifist instead of the Shalaunian Fleet man he was.
"Seriously, Gavaun. You have to trust me. The Lord will protect His
temples and His people. Either go back to the frigate without me, or give me a
week to work things out with my wife. We can wait out the invasion at my new
house."
"We may end up trapped in the
destruction."
"It's a chance I'm willing to
take."
"I'm sure you don't regret marrying
your Earthon woman--such was your need at the time--but it was a gamble."
Hearing his marriage to Teri referred to as
his "need at the time" disturbed Trendaul. It was such an inadequate
assessment of what had happened that he couldn't keep the defensiveness out of
his voice. "Teri is a good excuse."
"That's an interesting comment."
"I have an interesting life." Was
it possible for his brother to understand his attachment to Earth in any way at
all? "I like it here and feel needed. It's thrilling to be a part of the
preparation for the Second Coming." The Church, in gathering to temple
communities, had only just begun the effort to redeem Zion. How could Trendaul
leave Earth now, when there was such significant work to do and so many
glorious events to come? "I'm not sure I want to leave."
"Oh, I understand you, Trendaul Avenaunta," Gavaun said. "And
so does Father. Why do you think I'm here? You can make all the excuses you
want, but I'm not leaving without you."
Trendaul parked on the street in front of
his new Kensington house, a white brick colonial with black shutters. Teri
appeared at the front door as Trendaul scooped Too Cool into his arms and walked
around the front of the car. Teri stared at his brother, who was leaning
against the passenger door staring at her.
Trendaul chuckled. "Hey, Teri, you're
not supposed to be ogling him. I'm the tall, good-looking one."
Both Gavaun and Teri laughed. Teri opened
the glass storm door and hurried down the tiny front lawn. Since none of the
children followed her, Trendaul assumed she had been successful in settling
them down in the master bedroom in front of the new video. "This is
wonderful, Tren," Teri said. "They finally came!" She slipped
her arm around his waist as his hand found her shoulder.
"Teri," Trendaul said as Gavaun
approached them, still gazing at Teri in fascination, "this is my brother,
Gavaun . . . Avenaunta. Gavaun, your sister-in-law,
Teri . . . Avenaunta."
"I like that, Tren," Teri said
merrily as David backed the moving van into the driveway, "but you'd
better not let David hear you say it."
"I am glad to finally meet you,
Teri," Gavaun said, extending his arm for a hug. Teri responded
affectionately. "You must know, all of us have been speculating wildly
about you for ten years."
"Tren has been a source of
entertainment for my family too," Teri said as she pulled away from
Gavaun, "so I guess we're even."
Gavaun appeared surprised. "But he
looks like the perfect Earthon, right down to the time calculator on his wrist,
the denim on his arms and legs, and that intimidating creature on his shoulder
with eyes that match his."
"This clever little creature is Too
Cool, my cat."
"He doesn't eat like an Earthon,"
Teri said as Sharad, David, Aaron, and Josh approached them from their separate
vehicles.
Trendaul stroked Too Cool. "They also
think I'm a jellyfish."
"No one in my family's ever called you
that!" Teri protested.
"Of course they haven't. It's our
word, not theirs!"
"Still, Tren, they don't think that at
all!"
"They do too!"
"They do what?" David asked.
"Think I'm a jellyfish."
"An eccentric, lazy
jellyfish," David corrected, grinning. "You can't throw a baseball to
save your life, and there is that thing, you know, about how such a brilliant
man never seems to have a real job."
"Oh, but I do have a job, or
did," Trendaul said mysteriously. Since he had to tell them anyway, he
thought he might as well have a little fun with it. The late afternoon air was
cool and clammy, keeping his new neighbors inside, and he was amazed at secure
he felt, living so close to the temple.
"He is an alien agent," Gavaun
whispered mischievously.
Teri gasped. David looked at her sharply.
Josh laughed. "I always knew you were
from Mars, Dad!"
"And your father is brilliant even by
Martian standards," Sharad said. "And something of a legend."
"And who might you be?" Teri
asked Sharad. "You don't look like a brother."
Sharad moved closer to Teri, extending his
hand. "Sharad Quinn. I am a neighbor and close friend of the family."
Once Sharad released Teri's hand, his fingers automatically moved to her golden
brown curls. "Your hair," he said in awe. "It moves."
Teri gazed sidelong at Trendaul, smiling at
him seductively. "What is it with you Martian men and curls?"
Sharad lifted Teri's hair slightly,
revealing an earring with three miniature gold cylinders hanging from it.
"And those little pipes! What are they?"
"A gift from her eccentric
husband," David answered.
"They're supposed to be wind
chimes," Aaron said.
Teri opened her tan jacket, revealing the
infamous blue T-shirt with its hand-painted oriole drinking from a birdbath.
"They go with the shirt."
Sharad looked at Trendaul in question.
"Wind chimes?"
"They're metal cylinders that hang
from the terrace. They tap each other in the breeze and make chiming
sounds."
Gavaun shook his head. "You are
demented, Trendaul." He smiled. "And you have no idea how much we
have missed you." He addressed Teri: "When we return to Mars,
Trendaul will be able to afford to fill your ears with diamonds and other
expensive crystal."
Teri's smile disappeared. "This savage
prefers pearls."
"That is interesting," Gavaun
countered, "since you married a prime piece of crystal."
"Tren would be rather heavy hanging
from my ears, I think."
Anxiety seized Trendaul's heart. The
decision facing them was too difficult as it was. He didn't need conflict
between Gavaun and Teri to confuse things even more. "Gavaun's an older
brother," Trendaul explained to Teri. "He can't help but be a bully.
Tell him to go unload your truck. That ought to shut him up."
Gavaun nodded once in deference to Teri and
smiled charmingly before heading to the truck. Teri watched him warily.
"Do tell us about your Martian family,
Tren," David insisted.
"What is there to tell? They're very
dull. They don't appreciate the finer things in life. Like wind chime
earrings."
*
Later that evening, after the three younger
children had gone to bed, Trendaul told David, Josh, Aaron, Emily, and Rebecca
about Novaun. All were enthralled and asked question after question about
Novaun itself and Trendaul's family.
Eventually twelve-year-old Emily asked,
"If we do go to Novaun, Dad, could we stop at Eden along the way and pick
up Sara?"
Sharad sat forward in the rocking chair and
looked from Trendaul to Gavaun, puzzled. "Eden?"
"No, Emily," Trendaul answered
sadly. "It's complicated to move a fleet so far out of the way."
"Sara probably wouldn't want to come
with us anyway," Josh observed, extending his legs on the box in front of
his chair.
"Where is Sara, Trendaul?" Gavaun
asked, alarmed. He was sitting next to Teri on the couch. "I just assumed
she was out for the evening."
"Emily, Rebecca," Teri said,
"it's time for you to go to bed." The girls groaned their protests,
but Teri remained firm and they went.
"Eden is the Earthons' name for an
uninhabited planet in the Sustenun System, near the Erdean Portal. Apparently
Zarr wants it as a base, because he sponsored a massive settlement there."
Trendaul went on to tell Gavaun and Sharad about how Dr. Benjamin Carroll, a
member of the Church, had led one of the colonies there against the counsel of
the prophet. "Sara earned herself a place among the colonists and left
nearly four weeks ago."
"You let her go?" Gavaun said,
aghast. "No colony has ever survived that planet. We are forbidden to even
go into the system!"
"I almost stopped her," David
proclaimed, opening a bag of potato chips.
"You would never have gotten away with
it," Trendaul shot back.
"Sara didn't know that. I would have
had a promise out of her long before we even got to Annapolis."
Trendaul shook his head at Gavaun. "I
can't begin to tell you the nightmare we've lived through this past six months.
She was determined and . . ." His muscles tightened,
preparing for an attack. "Obviously strongly influenced by Zarr's cell
bond."
Gavaun sprang off of the couch and yelled
down at Trendaul. "Krista's daughter was put under the influence of a cell bond?"
Sharad shook his head at Trendaul, his eyes
wide and his face pale. "Neither the Avenauntas nor the Sekuras may ever
forgive you, brother."
Trendaul jumped up from the dining room
chair he had brought into the living room and began pacing. "Don't you
think I know that?" he said shrilly. "Don't you think I tried everything
I could think of to keep her safe?" Still, he doubted. There must have
been something else he could have done. He should have found a way to keep her
home. "What can I say? My daughter is a disobedient, bull-headed
idiot!"
David, Josh, and Aaron all nodded their
agreement.
"This should never have happened,
Trendaul," Gavaun said. "You should have come home ten years
ago."
Teri jabbed Gavaun's calf with her finger.
"How dare you talk to Trendaul that way!" Gavaun flinched, turned
abruptly, and stared down at Teri in shock. "You have no comprehension of
what he's been through! Krista's death put him way behind in his work, work
that was more than recovered by those extra seven years. How was he supposed to
know ten years ago that the Zarrists would show up and start mind-zapping
Earthons?"
No one said anything for at least a minute.
Finally Gavaun sat down in his place on the couch next to Teri and gave her
hand a gentle squeeze, his voice soft, "I am sorry, Teri. Not just for my
behavior but for Sara." He turned to Trendaul. "I am sincerely
sorry."
Trendaul sat back down. "I know."
"Perhaps the situation is not as grave
as we believe," Sharad said to Trendaul. "Maybe you are mistaken
about the identity of Eden. To make the assessment you did, you must have
looked at some type of star map. Do you still have it?"
Trendaul nodded and went to the kitchen
desk. He rummaged through the box of papers sitting there and found the maps he
had printed off of Zarr's web site long ago.
"What's wrong with Eden,
Uncle Gavaun?" Josh asked.
"No one knows. No one has ever
survived to tell."
"It was terraformed by the Gudyneans
over a century ago," Sharad explained. "All we know is that the
terradirector of the project was Centynal Nortov. That is significant because
we know he directed two other terraforming projects that almost ended in
disaster. Apparently he lied to the planet-spirits and made unauthorized
agreements."
"How in the universe could a
terradirector think he could get away with something so abominable?"
Gavaun asked.
"I do not know, but he did. He was
stripped of his status after Braumita, one of his failures."
"Do you know something about
Braumita?" David asked Sharad, captivated.
Trendaul came back into the room in time to
see Sharad nod. "Braumita's planet-spirit agreed to be terraformed only
when promised there would be no industrialization. When the colony began
industrializing, the planet-spirit sent quakes of anger through the
settlements, destroying factories and killing colonists. Fortunately, the
maintenance team was able to determine the cause of the planet-spirit's anger
and refocus the planet's development. To this day Braumita is an agricultural
planet."
"That is so cool," Aaron said,
grabbing the bag of chips from David and sliding to the beige carpet, out of
reach.
"You struck arelada with this
boy," Trendaul said to Gavaun, pointing a thumb at Sharad.
Gavaun nodded, taking the star maps from
Trendaul. "Librarian specializing in galactic history and government. He
is an excellent intelligence officer."
Sharad didn't appear to have heard the
compliments. He stared thoughtfully at nothing as he rocked, finally saying to
no one in particular: "If I were one of those planet-spirits, I would
detest liars."
What an odd comment! Typically only
terraformers attempted to understand the minds of planet-spirits; everyone else
was too overwhelmed by the prospect--or too terrified. Trendaul glanced at
Gavaun in question. Since when did the Fleet begin requiring its intelligence
officers to know something about planetary psychology?
Gavaun said lightly, "I detest liars,
and I am just a lowly pilot."
"Maybe Eden thinks all humans are
liars," Aaron volunteered, reaching into the bag of chips.
Sharad stopped rocking and looked down at
Aaron. "For your sister's sake, let us hope not."
David turned to Trendaul, his face
skeptical. "Why don't the terraformers just force the planet-spirit to do
what they want it to do?"
"That would require telepathic
binding," Trendaul explained. "You have to understand, every physical
particle of a planet has a spirit: the trees, the rocks, the blades of grass,
and the specks of dust. The planet-spirit supervises, so to speak, all of the
other spirits. When the planet-spirit is bound, it is unable to supervise the
other spirits and all creation goes into chaos."
"But according to the scriptures,
mankind is supposed to have dominion over the earth," David protested.
"Are you saying that the scriptures are false? That the planet-spirit is
really the one in charge?"
"Not at all," Teri said.
"What the scriptures say about this earth is true. Man has dominion over
it because the planet-spirit allows him to have dominion. The same is true for
all of the original planets, the ones the Lord Himself created and peopled. It
is the sign of a planet worthy of celestial glory."
David leaned back in his chair, tapping his
fingers on his mouth, pondering.
Trendaul said, "When the prophet Malrezz
cursed Diron so that it would no longer yield its arelada, the Dirons, in their
anger, bound the planet-spirit in an attempt to force it to release the
arelada, which destroyed the ecosystem. The various Diron nations, including
Zarr's, were forced to flee. Only the followers of Malrezz remained. Their
descendants still live on Diron in life-support domes."
Sharad shook his head. "Surely the
Zarrists know something of Sustenun 4. There is no question that it is in a
prime location, but even they cannot be desperate enough to attempt a
settlement."
"They may know less of the Alliance
than we know of them," Trendaul pointed out.
"We really do not know much about the
Zarrists," Sharad admitted. "Zarr's nation is exclusive and virtually
impossible to penetrate."
"They are desperate enough to mix
their holy blood with ours," Teri observed.
Gavaun's eyebrows shot up. "They are
actually marrying Earthons?"
Trendaul nodded. "Their goal has
always been more assimilation than domination."
Gavaun finally looked at the star maps
Trendaul had given to him. "These are awful!" he exclaimed.
"Could you not procure a hologram at least?"
"Sorry. They're the best I can
do."
Gavaun studied the maps. "The Zarrists
are desperate," he finally said. "There is no doubt that Sara's Eden
is Sustenun 4."
"Then we're just going to have to
trust Cameron," Trendaul said. "And trust Sara to follow his counsel.
That's all there is to it."
"Cameron?" Gavaun said.
David grunted. "Bishop Carroll, Sara's
high school crush." He leaned forward and grabbed the bag of chips back
from Aaron.
"Bishop Carroll, Sara's soon-to-be
husband," Trendaul corrected.
David shook a chip at Trendaul. "You
know that if I ever see Sara again, I'm going to hide her laptop. Her phone
too. If she had dated Cameron like she was supposed to, I would have met Ashley
in time to keep her here."
Sharad looked from David to Trendaul,
puzzled. "What is a high school crush?"
"A boy she was infatuated with during
the time she was a teenager," Teri explained. "They finally met the
day before they left for Eden."
"Yeah, and when Cameron finally got
here, he and Sara disappeared to do some serious stargazing. We didn't even get
to meet him!" Josh said.
Trendaul nodded at his brother in
satisfaction. "It was intense. And gratifying." His daughter loved
the one clear-headed man in the colony, and he loved her. During all of the
months of grieving over Sara's rebellion, he had never dreamed he and Teri
would receive such an outstanding blessing, and he would treasure it!
"Cameron will be a good husband for her."
"It's not fair we never got to meet
Cameron!" Aaron protested.
Gavaun smiled. "You seem awfully
certain about your prediction, Trendaul."
"I am. Because in this one thing, she
will obey her father!"
The colonists met for church Sunday morning
on the hill they had named Ash Auditorium. They sat on camp chairs and tarps
under clusters of tall, narrow ash trees that they had stripped of their bottom
branches the day before.
Sara would have been content to sit back
and immerse herself in the beauty of their outdoor auditorium had she not been
so nervous. This was the first week she would conduct Primary, and although her
counselors, music director, and Ashley as pianist had been sustained the Sunday
before and would be there to help her, she still couldn't relax. Sara smoothed
her cobalt blue skirt over her legs, then crossed her legs and smoothed again,
picking nervously at the hem. She hadn't even taught Primary before, much less
directed it. How in the universe was she going to make this work?
Cameron walked into the grove, wearing a
beige suit, his eyes feasting on Sara as he approached her. He took her hands
and pulled her to her feet, still staring at her. "Wow, you look
hot!" he exclaimed, softly enough so that only Sara and Ashley could hear.
"That color is awesome on you."
"Cameron!" Ashley gasped.
"You're not supposed to say things like that right before you conduct
sacrament meeting!"
"Why not? It's the truth!"
Sara kissed Cameron lightly on the lips.
"You be good, or I'll go change."
"Don't you threaten me, or I'll call
you up to speak!"
"You do that and I'll put the dress in
the decomposer!"
"You do that, and I'll put your
Orioles shirt in the decomposer!"
Sara grimaced. "I have a confession to
make. I wear a Royals shirt to bed."
"Say it isn't so!" Cameron
pounded his chest with his fist. "All these years I've watched you, and
only now I find out that under your letter jacket and Orioles shirt lurks a
secret passion for the Royals."
"It's hardly a passion!"
Cameron kissed Sara's cheek. "I'm not
sure I should marry someone so unfaithful."
Sara laughed softly. "We wouldn't want
to tarnish the bishop's reputation."
"You're engaged then?" Ashley
said in delight.
"Not until Sara proposes to me,"
Cameron said contentedly as he walked away, taking his seat at the bottom of
the hill with the rest of the bishopric. Two teachers laid a white cloth over
the camp table holding the trays of bread and water that had been prepared for
the sacrament, and deacons began filling the camp chairs that were arranged in
a line facing the sacrament table.
Ben, Barbara, Brandon, and Adam walked into
the grove carrying camp chairs and set them up next to Sara and Ashley's. The
Carrolls greeted Sara with embraces, as if she were already their
daughter-in-law.
"You look absolutely stunning today,
Sara," Ben said, smiling.
"Doesn't she?" Barbara agreed as
she released Sara.
"Thank you, Ben." Sara hugged
him, feeling pleased. "And you too, Barbara."
Ben held Sara affectionately and kissed her
cheek. She felt secure in his arms, as if she really were a part of the Carroll
family, and she wanted to laugh at herself for all of the silly suspicions that
had given her such anxiety during the past week.
As Barbara sat down, she said to her
husband with pride, "Cameron looks so distinguished down there! He'll be
an apostle someday. You wait."
"Heaven help us!" Ben responded
with a smile.
Ashley leaned toward Sara. "There. You
have it," she whispered in a tone of mock authority. "Cameron's
destined to be an apostle. You had better marry him fast!"
Sara couldn't imagine an apostle coming up
to his wife in church and telling her how "hot" she looked. "I
loved Cameron when he was a squirrelly fourteen-year-old," she whispered
pleasantly. "What do I care whether he's ever an apostle? Right now I'd
prefer a regular returned missionary who could go running with me in the
woods!"
"Marry him, stupid, and you can run
with him in the woods all you want!"
The colonists finished gathering in the
grove, and Cameron came to the makeshift pulpit to begin the meeting. The
colonists sang, prayed, and sustained each other into ward positions. To Sara's
relief, most of the Primary teachers were sustained. Then Ben and Barbara were
sustained as co-chairs of the activities committee.
Sara
glanced around and noticed many expressions of discomfort and disapproval. Most
of the colonists still didn't understand why Ben hadn't been called to be the
bishop, but if he couldn't be bishop, young men's president or gospel doctrine
teacher would do. But chairman of the activities committee? When Cameron asked
for opposing votes, Brother Duane Vance actually raised his hand asked,
"Are you sure about those calls, Bishop?"
"Absolutely."
"But they make no sense."
Sara couldn't believe that even Brother
Vance would challenge the call. This wasn't an open forum, after all. This was
church!
"Maybe the Lord thinks it's time for
my parents to have a little fun." Cameron's tone was one of such innocence
that most of the colonists decided the suggestion was reasonable. Despite a few
skeptical glances, everyone raised their hands when Cameron presented his
parents' names a second time.
Barbara gripped Sara's arm. She said softly
so that no one else could hear, "You have to work harder on him,
Sara!"
Sara tilted her head toward Barbara,
thinking her plea sounded absurd. "I'm afraid Cameron's applying for the
position of king, not consort."
Barbara leaned closer. "I wouldn't
have thought you would be such a pushover, Sara. You had better not let him
talk you into having a baby right away, or giving up your career."
Did Barbara actually want Cameron to be a consort instead of a king? "You don't
think I should marry him then?"
"Marry him, by all means, but don't
hesitate to demand your rights. I would hate to see you waste your intelligence
and lose your identity. You're such a rational person, Sara. It's for you to
bring Cameron into the real world, not the other way around! Don't allow
yourself to be swallowed up in his fanaticism. Stand up for yourself!"
As the accompanist began playing
"There is a Green Hill Far Away" on an electric piano, Sara turned
away from Barbara, feeling shocked and hurt. Ashley held out her miniature
hymnbook to share, but Sara could do nothing but stare at the page, the words a
blur.
How could Cameron's parents interpret his
orthodox adherence to the gospel as fanaticism? Their opinion made her
uncomfortable enough; hearing that opinion stated so bluntly demoralized her.
If they believed he was fanatical for being orthodox and she was rational, what
did that make her and what did that make them? Not orthodox. But she was an orthodox member of the Church.
She was! And so were they. They had to be!
The fanaticism concern aside, Barbara had
articulated many of Sara's own anxieties perfectly. Even as questions whirled
chaotically in her mind and butterflies fluttered in her stomach, Sara couldn't
help but recall the advice her father had given her the night before she had
left Earth: "Cameron loves the Lord
with his whole heart and soul and will treat you as the precious daughter of
God you are. Don't throw him away for some silly desire to be a great writer or
reluctance to have a baby before you're thirty or whatever."
The whirling and fluttering diminished
slightly as a realization of supreme irony supplanted every other thought. Her
father had warned her not to throw a potential king and priest to God away on
shallow ambitions, while Cameron's own mother had warned her not to throw herself
and her substantial ambitions away on a consort. Sara's father wanted her to
marry Cameron because he knew Cameron would treat her as a queen, while Cameron's
mother seemed to want Cameron to marry a selfish woman who would manipulate
him, ignore his values, and fight with him. Did Barbara really think Cameron
was so insignificant and undeserving of happiness?
Sara imagined what she might say to a
possible daughter-in-law. I've raised my
son to love the Lord. He's wonderful and worthy of your sacrifices. You had
better love him as much as I do or you might as well find yourself another man!
If Barbara couldn't feel the same way about Cameron, who deserved the
esteem more than any young man Sara had ever known, then Sara knew that, as
much as she liked Barbara, she didn't want to be the kind of mother she was.
Even as that thought rooted itself in Sara's
mind, she tried to pluck it out. Who was she to criticize Barbara? Barbara
believed she was protecting Sara by giving her the advice she did. Would Sara
perhaps do the same if she believed her son were behaving badly? Considering
the circumstances, both Barbara and Ben were showing amazing tolerance toward
Cameron; they obviously loved him.
Sara closed her eyes for the sacrament
prayer and opened them again to see Cameron nod at the priests. He turned his
head and rested his eyes on her, his smile gradually giving way to a frown. He
could see she was troubled and was concerned.
She shook her head slightly as if to say,
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." Love for him overwhelmed her.
She longed to believe in him completely, to be his eternal queen.
Then Sara remembered that she wouldn't be
Cameron's eternal anything for at least two more years. The black veil that had
descended on her when learning she and Cameron would have to be married civilly
wrapped itself around her heart several more times and squeezed, leaving an
ache that wouldn't go away. She took a piece of bread from the sacrament tray,
her hand shaking.
How could it feel so right to marry Cameron
and at the same time be unable to marry him in the temple? How could she marry
Cameron at all without completely believing in him? How could she believe
completely in Cameron and not reject his father's vision of Eden? If she
rejected Ben's vision of Eden, then what purpose had it served for her to come
to Eden at all? Should she have remained on Earth, where she could have married
in the temple? If so, did that mean there was someone else for her and that she
shouldn't marry Cameron at all? That she should wait and return to Earth
permanently in two years? If that was true, then why did the prospect of
marrying Cameron feel so right?
On and on the tornado in her mind howled,
hopping from one point to another without dissipating, until her head hurt and
the ache in her chest settled into her stomach, leaving her queasy.
The sacrament ended, and three speakers
spoke on the importance of observing the Sabbath. When Cameron came to the
pulpit at the end of the meeting, he said, "I know the next few months
will be difficult as we work to establish the colony. A lot needs to be done,
and it will be tempting to carry on with the work of the colony on the Sabbath.
We must never give in to that temptation! I feel a great urgency about this
issue. So please, after the meeting, enjoy your time resting, studying, and
socializing. You've earned it."
Cameron's counsel made sense to Sara. She
needed a rest, even if no one else did. She knew, however, that both Ben and
Trevor Carroll felt the warehouse needed to be finished as quickly as possible
since everybody's lives depended on those synthesizing machines. Instruction on
the importance of the Sabbath couldn't have come at a better time.
*
After Primary, feeling considerably more
relaxed than she had before the meeting, Sara walked with Ashley to the
"stage" area of Ash Auditorium to witness her parents be set apart.
Barbara took her place in the chair last.
Cameron blessed Barbara and gave her a hug, then gravitated toward Sara. As he
slid his arm around her, she heard the rhythmic pounding of a hammer,
accompanied by shouts.
Cameron stiffened and released Sara,
jerking around to face his father. "You have to stop them!"
"The ox is in the mire, son."
"No it isn't! There's no reason that
building can't wait until tomorrow!"
"Cameron, you can't bully people into
following your counsel," Trevor Carroll said with a smile.
"You don't understand! They're
endangering the colony!"
"Relax, Cameron!" Ben said.
"We'll finish it in a couple of hours. Then we'll stop and rest away the
day feeling more secure with the knowledge that the machines won't be damaged
if there's another storm." He and his brother hurried out of Ash
Auditorium in the direction of Construction Clearing.
"Don't do it, Trev!" Cyndi
called, striding after the men. "This is one time your brother is wrong
and your nephew is right!"
Cameron grabbed Sara's hand, and they ran
after Cyndi, arriving at Construction Clearing only moments after the Carroll
brothers. "Stop it!" Cameron cried. "You're putting the colony
in danger!" The two younger of the five Dixon boys turned toward Cameron,
appearing guilty. The others were annoyed.
Mike Dixon shook his hammer at Cameron.
"We have our agency, Bishop. Either help or get out of the way!"
Sara couldn't believe what she was
witnessing. How could they disobey such a fundamental commandment and expect
the Lord to prosper the colony? She faced Ben. "What did you lead us out
here to do? Build Zion? Or a stupid commune?"
Ben's features flinched, as if he'd been
stung. He waved the builders back to work. "Why are you feeling so
hostile, Sara?"
Sara folded her arms across her chest.
"I'm not a child, Ben. I'm a concerned citizen. If we don't live the
commandments, this colony will be no different from all of the other utopian
failures of the past." She was right to speak up, and she hadn't even
yelled. Her father would have been pleased with how calmly she was handling
this indignation.
Ben held out his palms. "Don't you
believe the Lord is a reasonable being?" His tone was kind, but he didn't
smile. "That He understands our predicament and where our hearts are on
this Sabbath day?"
"You didn't answer her question,
Father."
"It just sounds as if the two of you
are more concerned about the letter of the law than the spirit of the
law."
Did Ben really think she was too dense to
see through such a trite rationalization? "My father often wonders why it
is that whenever someone talks about the 'spirit of the law' it's always in
reference to breaking a rule, not the other way around."
"The same father who disapproved of
your coming to Eden in the first place."
Ben might as well have slapped Sara. She
had never discussed her parents' disapproval publicly. That Ben would try to
manipulate her by using information gleaned from their private discussions and
accuse her of being a hypocrite in such an underhanded way outraged her.
Perhaps he was correct in his implication that by ignoring the counsel of both
her father and the Brethren by coming to Eden she couldn't justifiably
criticize anyone for breaking the commandments. Perhaps she really was the most
disgusting hypocrite that had ever lived. If so, however, she was determined to
be one openly.
"You've all but called me a hypocrite,
Ben. Go ahead and swear at me too. You might as well! You're breaking number
four, why not number three also?"
"She's just as fanatical as the
bishop!" Rick Dixon remarked.
"Maybe that's why they got
together," said his brother.
"What a pair!"
"Aren't bishops' wives supposed to be
dainty and docile?"
Ben smiled knowingly. "Not this little
cougar!" He patted Sara's arm affectionately.
Sara shuddered. She wanted to back away but
didn't dare. How could anyone be so gracious and so patronizing at the same
time?
Cyndi shook her head in disapproval.
"Sara's not the one who's the hypocrite, Ben."
"You always going to have your women
speak for you, Bishop?" Mike Dixon demanded.
"What general, having Amazons, wouldn't
send them into battle?" Cameron offered his arms to both Sara and his
aunt. "Ladies, it's time to retreat. We don't want to be on this
battlefield when lightning strikes."
Astonished, Sara took Cameron's arm and
allowed him to lead her and Cyndi to the dining hall, the large building in
Knowledge Knoll that would eventually be partitioned into classrooms for the
college.
Cameron left Cyndi in front of the wooden
stairs that led to the doors and led Sara a few paces away from the building,
taking her into his arms as he pulled her behind a large tree, kissing her
fervently.
"I've been dying for you to do that
all morning," Sara murmured, kissing him again.
"Even though I come from such a disturbed
family?"
"I don't think your family is
disturbed. Just different from what I thought they were."
"Which disturbs you." The
observation wasn't an attack, but an attempt to draw her out.
"Well, yes." How could it not?
"I don't know what to think of your parents anymore. I came here thinking
I knew where they stood on every issue of importance, but now I can't figure
out what they believe or what they want because they constantly contradict
themselves. Maybe I'm just confused!"
"Actually you're quite
perceptive."
"Not perceptive enough to understand
them."
"I think you understand them just
fine. My own opinion is that they're trying to live two incompatible sets of
values. Isn't that what you just told me?"
Sara nodded slowly, attempting to
assimilate this new knowledge. "Yes. I guess I did."
"You realize that if we get married,
you're stuck with them."
"You mean, they'd be stuck with me. I
did berate your father in front of half the colony."
"You expressed an educated opinion,
and you were right to do so."
"You're sure you wouldn't really
rather have a dainty, docile wife?"
"I want, and need, a courageous,
powerful wife."
"Powerful?" Sara shook her head.
"Right now I feel paralyzed. I can't marry you unless I completely believe
in you, and to do that, I would have to reject your father's vision of Eden. If
I do that, then I have to wonder why I'm here at all."
"Because you believed in a vision that's
flawed and you're just now starting to realize it."
"If what you say is true, then the
spirit of rebellion and apostasy really was what brought us here." The
evidence was there, but Sara still didn't want to believe it; the implications
were too horrible. "And it would mean your father isn't the great
spiritual leader I always thought he was."
"No, Sara, he isn't."
"Cameron, do you have any idea how awful that would be? What that would
mean?" If Cameron truly did speak for the Lord, his father was nothing
more than a charismatic intellectual, a spiritually blind one at that. There
was no way around it.
"Yes, I do," Cameron said gently.
"I've been living with this burden a long time. Why do you think I was so
repelled by the prospect of coming here in the first place? Why I tried the day
we met to get you to stay home?"
"But I felt so inspired to come!
Sometimes I think the Lord inspired me to come to be with you, but I can't
believe He would inspire me to follow a charismatic intellectual just to get me
here. The Lord doesn't deceive people that way."
"No He doesn't. I don't believe the
Lord inspired you to come to Eden any more than He inspired my father to lead
you here."
"If that's true, then how am I ever
supposed to trust myself to receive inspiration?"
"Tell me this. Was the urge you felt
to come to Eden the same kind of feeling you experienced when I blessed you? Or
when you prayed for confirmation on names to submit for Primary callings?"
"No. One was fire and obsession. The
other was peace and understanding." Where was that fire and obsession now?
Could what her father believed be true? That Tohmazz Zarr had put a bond on her
mind? Why didn't the bond seem to be working now? Was it too weak to stretch so
far into space?
"If you can recognize the difference
between those two feelings, you ought to be able to trust yourself from now
on."
"All right. I'm willing to accept, for
the moment, that I made a mistake and shouldn't be here at all. If that's true,
then how can it be so right for me to be here with you?"
"You do feel it's right to be with
me?" Cameron asked tenderly, caressing her cheek.
"I feel such a bond with you,
something intimate and magnificent." Had it really only been four weeks
since they had first spoken to each other? So much had happened that it seemed
as if three months had passed instead. "I want to marry you more than I've
ever wanted to do anything, I think, but I can't resolve this paradox."
"I'm afraid this is one you're going
to have to work out on your own."
"Because you don't understand it
yourself or because you don't want to tell me?"
"Because some knowledge can't be
forced. When the Lord gives it to you, you'll see there is no paradox at
all." Cameron kissed Sara one last time, then led her into the dining
hall, where many of the colonists had already gathered for lunch.
Less than thirty minutes later, the wind
picked up and pounded rain against the walls of the building. Thunder blasted
and lightning flashed all around them. The builders burst into the hall,
drenched.
"The big synthesizing machine's been
struck!"
*
Eventually the unexpected Sunday storm
passed, and the colonists emerged from their prefabricated shells to find many
trees felled and ripped out of the ground. The buildings proved excellent
shelter against the high winds, lightning, and falling trees, but the storm had
come on so suddenly that many of the colonists had been caught outside. Nine
colonists had been severely wounded from trees that had fallen on them as they
tried to get to their homes to escape the storm, more than fifty had been
scratched and bruised from blowing debris, and twenty-one were found suffering
from hypothermia.
Fortunately, none of the colonists had
suffered electrocution from a lightning strike, but the large synthesizing
machine, along with several of the smaller ones, had been jolted. Trevor
Carroll refused to examine the machines until Monday or to allow any of the
engineers to do so either, so no one knew how badly they had been damaged.
Cameron's comment about not wanting to be
"on the battlefield when lightning strikes" nagged at Sara all day. A
part of her wanted to believe Cameron had simply been repeating a cliché used
by zillions of people before him, but another part of her couldn't help but
think Cameron had known something awful would happen if the colonists broke the
Sabbath.
Most of the other colonists were
uncomfortable too, refusing to do any major clean-up work until the next day.
Others, including a couple of the builders, blamed Cameron for the loss of the
synthesizing machines, claiming that they could have finished the warehouse in
time had Cameron waited to hold Sacrament meeting in the afternoon. Of course
none of them acknowledged the fact that the colony wouldn't have had Sacrament
meeting at all had they waited.
The only thing Ben said was: "It looks
as though the ox really was in the mire, son."
Cameron replied with: "Only because
you pushed it in."
Sara spent most of the afternoon assisting
Cyndi in treating the minor wounds, while Cameron visited with the wounded and
their families and gave them words of encouragement. Most of those who were
hurt wanted Ben to give them one of "his beautiful blessings," not
Cameron, but Cameron did assist in most of them.
After a late dinner that evening, Sara
stepped out of the dining hall, hoping the fresh air would help her feel a
little less exhausted and grimy. She hadn't moved far from the building, when
she heard one of the doors open and close again. She turned and saw that Ben
had stepped out behind her. She wasn't sure whether to be irritated, relieved,
or just plain surprised.
"It's a beautiful evening, isn't
it?" he said.
"It's a little muggy, but it's cooler
out here than it is inside." After their confrontation in Construction
Clearing that morning, Sara didn't know what to say to him, but she knew they
needed to talk about what had happened.
He stopped in front of her and pointed his
miniature flashlight toward a nearby cluster of trees. "Let's walk a
little. We need to talk."
Sara felt uncomfortable about walking into
the woods with him alone. "I would rather talk here."
"What I have to say to you is private.
It's about what happened this morning."
Sara decided to ignore the feeling of
uneasiness. The sensation was, after all, just a thorn left over from the
groundless suspicions she had foolishly allowed to prick her mind not so long
ago. "You're right," she agreed, and she began walking with him.
"We do need to talk privately." She wasn't sure she would ever
forgive Bishop Lanham and her parents for suggesting that Ben was attracted to
her.
The trees, glistening in the light of Eden's
three small moons, sprinkled droplets on Sara as a breeze blew through the
branches. "What a gorgeous place," she murmured, looking around the
moonlit grove.
Ben turned off the flashlight and dropped
it into his pocket. Sara gasped. Pearls of light danced all around them as
breezes continued to whirl through the grove. "It's enchanting," Ben
whispered. "Like something out of a fairy tale."
The raindrops began penetrating the cobalt
blue shirt Sara was still wearing, and she shivered. Ben removed his golden
brown suit jacket and draped it over Sara's shoulders, then faced her, holding
lightly onto the lapels as he gazed down at her. "I'm sorry I announced to
the colony this afternoon that your father disapproved of your coming to
Eden."
Sara gazed at him gratefully, tears
starting in her eyes. She had longed for an apology but hadn't believed he
understood her feelings well enough to know how wrong he had been.
Ben moved his hands to her cheeks, his
thumbs brushing the tears out of the corners of her eyes. "I'm so, so
sorry, Sara. I didn't realize until I thought about it, wondering why you were
so angry, that your parents' disapproval was something you hadn't made
generally known."
Sara's tears began flowing more freely than
ever, and with them went all feelings of guardedness. "They think I'm an
apostate. They think we all are, everyone but Cameron. Do you have any idea how
much that hurts?"
Sara felt Ben's arms encircle her. She laid
her head against his neck and wept as he stroked her hair, comforted by his
heartbeat. "I do, Sara," he whispered in grief. "Utterly and
completely."
"And David. David, my best friend in
the world, was the worst. I wanted to introduce them to you and the others, but
I couldn't. It tore me up inside. Like it tore me up today when you used my
personal heartache to humiliate me publicly. Can you understand at all?"
"More than you know." He kissed
her head. "I'm deeply sorry. Can you forgive me?"
Sara withdrew from him slightly and looked
into his eyes. "Of course I forgive you." Remorse overwhelmed her. He
would not have attacked her in the first place had he not been provoked.
Accusing Ben of developing "a stupid commune" and comparing it to
"the utopian failures of the past" was the kind of thing that would
hurt him. She had sat too often in Don Pablo's and heard him pour out his dreams
for Eden not to know that. "Can you forgive me for calling the colony a 'stupid
commune'?"
Ben nodded, gently lifting strands of her
hair out from under the collar of his jacket and arranging them on her
shoulders.
"I didn't mean it. I mean, I didn't
mean to attack the Eden plan or the colony itself. I was sincerely concerned
about what effect breaking the Sabbath would have on the colony."
"I understand." His hand found
her cheek again, caressing away her tears. He smiled in a tender way, reminding
her so much of Cameron that she was suddenly breathless.
"Sara . . ." he
said softly, touching the corner of her mouth with his thumb,
"Sweet . . . sweet Sara . . .
I . . ."
Sticks cracked and shrubbery branches
rustled as though someone were approaching. Ben released Sara and they both
turned in the direction of the noise.
"Cameron!" Sara exclaimed, moving
toward him. He was carrying a lantern, and she could see in the dim light that
his shirt was soiled and partially unbuttoned. The hair on his forehead and
temples was dark with perspiration.
"Good evening, son," Ben said
with a sigh, walking next to Sara.
Time alone with Cameron that evening was a
luxury Sara hadn't dared hope for. "Are you done with everything?
Really?"
"For now. Ashley told me you had
stepped out for some air and that Father had followed you."
"Sara and I needed to talk.
Alone."
To Sara's surprise, Ben sounded annoyed.
Now that she thought about it, she realized he had been on the verge of telling
her something when Cameron had interrupted him. She wondered what it was. She
stopped and turned toward Ben. "Was there something else we needed to
discuss?"
Ben glanced at Cameron, hesitating. After a
moment, he smiled slightly and shook his head. "No, Sara. Not now."
"So you're friends again?"
Cameron said lightly, squeezing Sara's hand. He sounded pleased and relieved.
"We were never not," Ben said
quietly. "At least not from my perspective."
Sara suddenly felt ashamed for having been
so angry with Ben. She stepped forward and threw her arms around his neck and
squeezed, kissing his cheek. "Not from mine either," she said softly
into his ear.
Ben returned her hug tightly and kissed her
cheek. He whispered with emotion, "Don't ever stop being my Little
Panther."
Sara shook her head at him and smiled as
she withdrew. She began removing his suit jacket to give it back to him, but he
stopped her with a shake of his head and a hand on her arm. "I'd like you
to keep it until tomorrow."
"Thank you," Sara said as she
slid Ben's jacket back over her shoulders, its warmth and fatherly smell
wrapping around her in a comforting way. She extended her arm to Cameron,
drawing him close, and they returned to the dining hall, leaving his father in
the grove alone.
After Church let out at noon,
Trendaul's family squeezed around their old cherry dining room table for pot
roast on paper plates. Matthew and Zack gave up their chairs to Gavaun and
Sharad and sat on a box. Trendaul asked Sharad about his family, learning that
he had married Nelena Sekura, Krista's niece. Sharad, in turn, began asking
Trendaul questions about himself, strange questions that puzzled Trendaul.
"What is your favorite color?"
"Teal."
Sharad gave him a peculiar look. "What
is teal?"
Trendaul struggled to keep a straight face.
"The color of my car." Both Gavaun and Sharad had commented on the
Earthons' "garish transports."
Teri and David and the kids laughed. Gavaun
shook his head in resignation. "Why am I not surprised?"
Sharad grinned and tried again. "What
is your favorite kind of music?"
"Hymns."
"Please don't ask him to sing!"
Emily begged.
"Do not worry! I still have more
questions."
Emily appeared mollified, but Trendaul's
puzzlement grew. As he wondered where these questions were leading, Sharad
fired another one at him. "What is your favorite food?"
"Root beer!" the kids, Teri, and
David cried out.
Before Sharad could ask what root beer was,
Trendaul turned to Zack and said, "Go get the man a root beer."
Zack jumped up and ran to the refrigerator,
dodging boxes. Sharad took the free moment to ask, "Which football team do
you like best, brother? The Washington Redskins or the Baltimore Ravens?"
What a question! Trendaul shrugged. "I
don't know. Which one has the better halftime show?"
Trendaul's kids laughed themselves into
hysterics; Aaron pounded on the table and cried with laughter, Josh gave
Trendaul a thumbs-up and cheered, Rebecca fell out of her chair convulsing, and
Zack dropped the cans of root beer he was carrying before he could get them to
the table. Even Teri couldn't stop laughing.
David shook his head at Teri. "He's
pathetic! And you know it!"
"He takes me to see the Royals, so what
do I care?"
Trendaul knew David didn't mean any
disrespect by what he said. He and the other men in Teri's family liked him,
but they had never understood him. He turned to Gavaun and said breezily,
"I told you Teri's family thinks I'm a jellyfish."
"You have to understand," David
explained to Gavaun and Sharad, "Only a girlie-man doesn't like football.
Tren's attitude toward the game is abnormal. It's . . .
well . . . it's un-American."
"He never was an athlete," Gavaun
said with affection.
"I'll only admit to being an
alien," Trendaul said to David with a mischievous smile as he went to help
Zack pick up the cans of root beer he had dropped.
As Trendaul walked back to the table,
Sharad asked, "So what is your favorite sport, brother?"
Trendaul opened a can of root beer and
handed it to Sharad. "Track, of course."
Sharad raised his eyebrows. "Of
course?"
Teri and David nodded at each other and at
Sharad. "Of course!" they said together.
Trendaul motioned everyone into the living
room. "Teri, do you know where the track videos are?"
"Actually, I do. I brought the family
videos with us in the van." And she hurried out of the room and up the
stairs.
Sharad sipped at his can of root beer. His
eyes widened, and he looked at Trendaul in surprise. "This is good!"
"Of course it's good."
"Do you have any video of Cameron,
Tren?" David asked.
"I don't know."
"We do," Teri called as she
walked down the stairs carrying a box of discs. "Sara always wanted me to
record all of the sprints."
"Now we know why," David said.
"Come on, let's see him."
Trendaul met Teri at the bottom of the
stairs and began rummaging through the box. "Not until after my brother
watches Sara run in the NCAA championships."
*
Watching family videos stopped Sharad's
questions, at least for the time being, and entertained everyone. The younger
children, especially, were happy to see what Cameron looked like, although
Gavaun and Sharad were clearly uncomfortable with the prospect of Sara's
marrying an Earthon.
Later that afternoon, after David had gone
back to Annapolis, Trendaul managed to get some time alone with Gavaun on the
deck. "We have so much to discuss," Trendaul said, leaning on the
rail, "that I hardly know where to start."
Gavaun leaned on the rail next to Trendaul.
"You could start by telling me why you are so desperate for Sara to marry
this Earthon boy."
Gavaun's words surprised Trendaul. Gavaun
couldn't help but be interested in Sara, but Trendaul had not thought she would
be high on his list of priority subjects. "Did all of the talk about
Cameron disturb you so much?"
"No, your desperation disturbs me. I'm
afraid it will make it all that much more difficult for you to leave
Earth."
So that was it. Gavaun was afraid Sara's
situation had tightened Trendaul's ties to Earth. "You're right. I don't
want to leave Sara. And I do feel desperate. Sara has gotten herself into an
extremely bad situation, and I'm afraid the only way out of it is for her to
marry this Earthon boy, Cameron."
Trendaul told Gavaun about Benjamin Carroll
and his passion for Sara. Gavaun listened in outrage. After a while, he began
pacing. "It's a good thing you are her father and not I. I'm afraid I
would have killed him."
"You have no idea how hard it was to
watch her go away with that man, knowing what we knew, but you have to believe
me. She gave us no choice."
Gavaun shook his head at Trendaul, his gaze
full of reproach. "This shouldn't have happened."
Trendaul had expected this reaction and was
prepared to counter it in a way that would silence Gavaun on the topic for
good. "No, it shouldn't have happened, and it wouldn't have happened had
Krista and I remained on Novaun. If you'll remember, I was against this mission
to begin with, so which one of you should I blame? Father? My dead wife? Or
you, for telling me I was a jellyfish for wanting to stay behind?"
Gavaun threw his arms up. "You're
right. I'm an idiot. So we are all to blame or no one is to blame. Which is
it?"
Trendaul shrugged. "It doesn't matter,
and I'm not angry, least of all with you, Krista, or Father. To tell you the
truth, I'm not even angry at Benjamin Carroll."
"Then you're not human."
"Don't misunderstand me. The man disgusts me and I have no respect
for him. I don't, however, feel any desire to hurt him. I just want Sara to be
happy, and I know she will be happy if she marries Cameron. He really is a good
boy--as good as boys come on any planet--and I will be pleased to call him my
son."
Gavaun nodded that he understood, his mood
mellowing. "Is there any chance we could permanently relocate Sara and
Cameron to Novaun?"
"No. Cameron's mission is to lead the
Eden Colony back to Earth, to the New Jerusalem specifically, at some future
date. Of all the people in the colony, he must return to Earth and his wife has
no choice but to come with him if she wants to remain his wife."
"So Sara either marries this boy and
becomes an Earthon, or she becomes the paramour of the boy's father."
Trendaul nodded, feeling queasy. The truth
was almost too terrible to face. "As much as I would like to believe Sara
would resist Benjamin Carroll on her own, I know it wouldn't happen because it
didn't happen. Our bishop almost persuaded her into giving up her Eden quest,
and she would have--I'm sure of it--if Benjamin Carroll hadn't come to
Parkridge to talk to her in person. She practically worships the man. If her
love for Cameron isn't strong enough to get her to reject him, nothing
will."
"What a mess."
"It is a mess. The children aren't
aware of what was going on between Sara and Benjamin Carroll, and neither is
David, and I would rather they didn't know."
"I understand."
"I knew you would."
"When we return to Novaun, we'll
petition the government for permission to go into the Sustenun System. It may
take a year or two, but you'll find out what happened to Sara far sooner than
you will if you remain here. If her colony survives, there may be a great deal
we can do to help her and the other colonists."
"If only the decision were that
simple."
"It is simple, Trendaul Avenaunta," Gavaun said gently.
"And it's right. What is it you're so afraid of?"
Trendaul almost smiled. "Are you
calling me a jellyfish again?"
Gavaun gazed at Trendaul gravely, shaking
his head. "No. I just want you to put your fears behind you and come
home."
"I am home."
"Your mission here is over. You don't
belong here."
"Using that logic, my wife doesn't
belong on Novaun any more than I belong here."
"Novaunians have taken foreign spouses
before. You are not as unusual as you think you are."
Frustration welled up inside of Trendaul.
"No, I'm not unusual. I'm not unusual at all. Trust me on this one. I have
no delusions about being 'unusual.' On Novaun I will be a usual Novaunian man
who outlives his usual foreign wife by more than a century!"
Gavaun frowned. "But it will be the
same for you and Teri if you remain here. Have you not thought of this? I don't
mean to be crass, but for one moment you need to stare reality in the face. You
are going to lose Teri while you are still in your prime. The only difference
is that on Novaun, you will be surrounded by your family and in a position to
take another wife, one of your own age and race. Here you will be a man of a
hundred years, more or less, whose friends have all died, forced to either
spend the remainder of your life alone or marry a mere child."
The image of middle-aged Benjamin Carroll
embracing Sara charged uninvited into Trendaul's mind, revolting him to his
core. He felt as if his stomach were turning inside out, and he turned to lean
over the side of the deck, just in case his dinner decided to make an exit.
"You're wrong," Trendaul finally
said, his voice hoarse. "I would not, and could not, marry a child. Nor
would I have to. The Earthons are on the verge of passing into terrestrial
glory. The honest and good people who are still living will be caught up to
meet the Lord when He comes. Their bodies will be changed so that they won't
get hurt or sick or die prematurely. They won't be resurrected and receive
their glorified bodies until they're old, and then it will happen instantly.
Under those circumstances, why shouldn't Teri live a longer mortal life than
normal and be resurrected when my time comes?"
"It sounds, little brother, as if you're
trying to pluck a piece of fruit from the Tree of Life."
Trendaul looked at Gavaun sharply, the
verses from Genesis and their explanatory chapters in the Book of Mormon
pouring into his mind:
"And the Lord God said, Behold, the
man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth
his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever:
Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of
Eden . . . and placed at the east of the garden of Eden
Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the
tree of life."
So
that Adam and Eve and their descendants would not become immortal in their
fallen state and be forever unable to repent . . . forever cut
off from God's presence . . . forever miserable.
Trendaul was shaken. Maybe he
really was trying to find a loophole in the laws of nature. "Do you really
think I'm desiring something that is forbidden? That I'm fighting God?"
Gavaun pondered Trendaul's question for
many moments. "I think you're afraid of losing Teri, and that's certainly
an understandable fear. I believe, in fact, you're so afraid of losing her that
you've never been able to admit to yourself what you've known all along--that
your duty and desire is to return to Novaun. And so you're consoling yourself
with this fantasy you have and are, in the process, paralyzing yourself."
"It's no fantasy, Gavaun,"
Trendaul said, beginning to feel angry.
"It may not be a fantasy for Sara and
her husband, it's true, but for you it is. For completing his mission in an
honorable way the Lord may very well reward Cameron with a piece of fruit from
the Tree of Life. I doubt, however, that the Lord would look as kindly on a man
who chose to forgo his duty and leave his mission unfinished so that he could
put himself into a position to steal a piece of that fruit."
Trendaul shook his head quickly, his anger
rising. "I just don't think I can leave, Gavaun. I can't lose her. And I
can't take her from her home and family and doom her to live the remainder of
her brief life among people who will think she's a savage."
"You're not being fair, Trendaul. You're
not going home to pacifist countrymen in Mautysia. You're going home to your
Fleet comrades in Shalaun, where people are accustomed to seeing an occasional
interracial marriage. No one in the family will think she's a savage. They will
accept her and love her because she's your wife, and she will be happy there
with you. I have to believe, in fact, that she will be more happy there
watching her children grow to maturity in an environment suited to their
abilities."
"My children are happy here and
glorious! Bright lights on this dark world!"
"That's pride speaking, Trendaul.
Pride, pure and simple. It gratifies you that your children are so much more
intelligent and talented than other Earthon children."
"It's no sin for a man to be pleased
with his children!"
"It is a sin for a man to be proud.
Admit it, Trendaul. You don't want to let your children be ordinary."
"Ordinary!" Trendaul exploded.
"Ordinary! They wouldn't be ordinary! They would be half Earthon, both
physically and culturally. They would start their lives on Novaun far behind
their peers and would die prematurely. How can I do that to them when here,
they excel and are a strength to the race?"
"The strength of our race has never
been in our physical and mental superiority but in our spiritual power, as you
well know, unless you've become more of an Earthon than I thought you
had."
Trendaul turned away from Gavaun,
speechless with rage.
Gavaun rested his hand on Trendaul's
shoulder and said softly. "Your children are bright, Trendaul. So is your wife. Once you come to Novaun, we'll
quickly catch them up."
Trendaul turned and looked Gavaun straight
in the eyes. "We aren't going to Novaun."
Gavaun didn't back down. "Oh yes you
are. I didn't want to do this, but you've given me no choice. Lieutenant
Avenaunta, as your commanding officer I order you to return to Shalaun for
debriefing and reassignment."
Trendaul couldn't believe it. "You
would use your position in the Fleet to force me to do what Father wants me to
do?"
"No. I would use my rank to put a
straying soldier back on the path of his duty, and you would do the same. You've done the same. You essentially ordered
Sara not to go to Eden and she disobeyed, and now she's landed herself in an
asteroid belt without any idea yet how precarious her position is."
Heat rose in Trendaul's face, and his heart
pounded crazily. He tried to keep his voice calm but was barely able to keep it
below a shout. "Don't you pretend that you're acting only as a
representative of the Fleet! You said only yesterday: 'Oh, I understand you,
Trendaul Avenaunta. And so does
Father. Why do you think I'm here?' So don't you pretend you're something other
than a representative for our tyrannical family!"
"Listen to yourself, Trendaul! You're
castigating the Fleet, your father, your heritage, and me, the only member of
the family you've seen in twenty years! Not only that, but you're yelling at me
in the Novaunian language for your entire neighborhood to hear. Can this be a
good thing?"
Trendaul shook his head as he moved to the
deck stairs. He lowered his voice and switched to English, furious at himself
for letting down his guard. Who knew what Zarrist spies might be living nearby?
"You're twisting my words and misunderstanding my motives. I see no reason
to continue this conversation." He jogged down the stairs and left the
backyard with a slam of the wooden gate.
"Trendaul, wait!" Gavaun called.
Trendaul heard the gate bump shut behind
him and knew Gavaun was following him. He quickened his stride, determined not
to communicate.
Gavaun caught up with Trendaul easily and
stepped in front of him to stop him. Gavaun placed his hands on Trendaul's
shoulders and looked at him intently. Trendaul could only glare.
Gavaun proceeded carefully, in a whisper,
still in their native language: "I would rather you not disappear to think
until I've told you the real reason I was the one chosen to bring you back to
Novaun."
His eyes were so earnest that Trendaul
couldn't resist him. "Well?"
"First of all, the order to return to
Novaun really does come from the Fleet. There are three others on Earth besides
you, with their families, and they too are being ordered back to Shalaun. The
Fleet is concerned for your safety and has closed Earth for the time being,
perhaps for good."
"Novaun is afraid Earth is on the
brink of passing away," Trendaul observed in a monotone.
Gavaun nodded. "And the Zarrists are a
very real danger. If they find out who you are, they'll kill you."
Trendaul slumped his shoulders. "I
know."
"You've been on Earth twice as long as
the others and are the only one with a native wife. Both Colonel Larauna and
Father are concerned about you. You know as well as I do that both are seasoned
Fleet officers. They've dealt with many men over the years who have married
foreign women, and they understand the strong temptation you naturally feel to
stay here. If you'll remember, the Fleet won't allow unmarried men to take
these deep cover assignments, and married men are required to take their
wives."
"How could I forget?" Grief
nearly smothered Trendaul as he remembered his beloved Krista and how his life
had gone haywire after her death.
"The point is, the Fleet understands
your situation. Colonel Larauna believes your position to be so precarious, in
fact, that he felt the only two men in the Fleet with any hope of bringing you
home were Father and I. Father couldn't leave his command, so--"
"Here you are."
"Here I am." Gavaun lifted one
hand off of Trendaul's shoulder and knocked on his forehead. "The one
Fleet man who knows how you think. The one who has the ability to get your mind
moving down paths that have been overgrown for a while. The one who cares
enough about you to want very much for you to come home. The one who has enough
nerve to stand up to you."
Trendaul shook Gavaun's hand off of his
shoulder, almost smiling. "That nerve of yours is a lot of hot air."
Gavaun nodded knowingly. "Admit it,
Trendaul. Had the Fleet sent Sharad with another boy, you would have given them
each a can of that root beer you love so much and sent them on their way."
"I don't know that, and neither do
you."
"Oh, but I do. And besides, Sharad is
only a lieutenant. Had he given you the order to return to Novaun, you would
have laughed at him. Admit it!"
Trendaul shrugged and grimaced a little.
"You're right. I probably would have laughed at him."
"I'd rather be yelled at than laughed
at any day."
Trendaul allowed himself a chuckle. He had
never been able to remain angry with Gavaun for long. "Why does Sharad
keep asking me silly questions?"
"You fascinate him. He's trying to
determine whether you're still a Novaunian or whether you've turned into an
Earthon."
Trendaul didn't know whether to be
interested in Sharad's observations or irritated with his presumption in making
them. "What a strange boy."
"He's a good boy, but he does enjoy
getting into the heads of the insane. He's actually quite good at it. When the
Fleet lost track of Zarr's fleet, Sharad claimed that Zarr, being the most
clever of all the renegade Diron leaders, would naturally come to Earth to
build an army out of this blood-thirsty race--that is what he would do if he
were Zarr. He's baffled, in fact, that it's taken this long for Admirals Nexyun
and Jaxzeran to find Zarr. He didn't think they were such idiots."
"And has Sharad made a pronouncement
about me yet?"
"He easily sees what anyone with eyes
can see."
"And what is that?"
Gavaun's eyes danced. "We both know
the answer to that question, don't we?"
His brother appeared a little too
complacent. "You always were cocky," Trendaul said.
Gavaun bowed. "A cocky tyrant!"
Remorse chafed at Trendaul. "I really
don't think our family is tyrannical. A little stern, maybe. Staid
definitely."
"You only think that because you're a
lunatic!"
"Even Krista thought the Avenauntas
were stiff."
"Of course she did. She was a flighty
Sekura!"
"The Sekuras do produce a lot of
pilots."
"While the 'stern' Avenauntas raise
navigators. Someone has to keep the Fleet on course."
"At least we aren't Quautars, raising
our children to get into the minds of madmen and doublecrossed planet-spirits."
"Actually, the Quautars aren't sure
what to do with Sharad. He's more insane than you are and puzzles
everyone." Gavaun slapped Trendaul on the back. "The two of you ought
to get along well."
Trendaul began walking again, and Gavaun
stepped out of the way. Neither one of them felt a need to say anything else.
They could entertain themselves with banter all evening, but that wouldn't move
Trendaul any closer to a decision about whether to stay or go. Both knew
Trendaul had proclaimed he would stay because Gavaun had provoked him, not
because he had come to a final decision.
When Trendaul arrived at the foot of the
temple parking lot, he gazed up at the six gold spires rising out of
gold-flecked white marble. His heart lifted a little, as if the sun had just
come out from behind a cloud. He strolled forward, the water from the fountain
wavering a little in the breeze. He sat down on a bench across the sidewalk
from a garden of pansies and leaned his head into his hands to think and to pray.
When the colonists awoke the morning after
the storm, they learned, to their relief, that no one who had been injured in
the storm had died during the night. At lunchtime, however, Trevor Carroll
informed them that the large synthesizing machine, as well as four of the
smaller ones, had been disabled.
"The primary unit will need to be
completely rebuilt and reprogrammed," Trevor Carroll said. "We've
already contacted Control Colony, and a team of engineers will be here in about
a week to help us."
"What are we supposed to do in the
meantime?" asked Mike Dixon.
"We'll use the synthesizing machines
we do have to produce the small synthesizers for the homes. Then we can get the
wiring and plumbing done too."
Sara felt sick. Days of major construction
work would be lost. "Can't we fix the big machine on our own?" she
asked Cameron.
"I think so, but even Uncle Trevor
doesn't feel completely comfortable with the technology yet. It would take
weeks of study and trial and error."
After lunch Cameron left to help move the
synthesizing machines into the newly-completed warehouse, while Sara and Ashley
walked to Sister Ann Eagle's home, located on Hospital Ridge, to keep the appointments
Brittany Novak, Sister Eagle's student, had made with them that morning. Sister
Eagle wanted to ascertain whether any of the colonists had been traumatized by
the events of the previous day.
"Why do you think she wants to see
us?" Ashley said. "We weren't injured."
Sara shrugged. "I did confront your
father about breaking the Sabbath, and you were there to hear it. Maybe she
wants to ask us about that."
Why in the galaxy the woman thought it was
any of her business to delve into what had happened was beyond Sara, especially
since she and Ben had worked it out between themselves. Then again, Sara couldn't
help but wonder whether she and Ben had come to a resolution at all. They had
forgiven each other for being unkind, but they hadn't even come close to
discussing the Sabbath issue.
"Should I tell her that I saw Cameron
call down the powers of heaven to fry the colony for disobedience? And moan
about what a horrible brother I have?"
"Only if you like the idea of being
put into therapy permanently!" Sara sat down under a maple tree as Ashley
walked toward Sister Eagle's prefab colonial style house, one of the small
400-square-foot units since Sister Eagle was unmarried with no children.
Sara pulled grass out of the ground blade
by blade as she waited, folding each piece, stripping it with her thumbnail,
then tossing it aside. What was taking Ashley so long? Ashley didn't need a
psychologist, she needed a bishop, and the more Sara thought about it, the
sillier this afternoon expedition seemed.
What did Sister Eagle want with the two of
them anyway? Did she want to help them heal from some non-existent trauma, or
did she want to interrogate them? Sara wondered why in the galaxy she had
allowed this woman to psychoanalyze her and, with Ben's help, study and
interpret her patriarchal blessing. She hadn't even given her patriarchal
blessing to Cameron yet to read. Sara stood up and began pacing, digging her
fist into her stomach, and feeling as if she might throw up.
Eventually Ashley emerged from the house,
appearing bored. "I told her I thought Cameron was a good bishop, and she
asked me if I thought my father was a good governor."
"What did you say?"
"I told her my father is an excellent
governor. He thinks he's excellent anyway, and since he's the expert, he must
be right."
"You're such an idiot!"
"I think she's going to want to talk
to me again."
"If so, it's your own fault!"
Sara opened the front door of Sister Eagle's
house and entered reluctantly. She would not, could not, discuss anything with
this woman. Sister Eagle shook her hand and invited her to sit down, smiling.
"It's good to see you this afternoon,
Sara. Have you had a productive morning?"
"I wrote an article and critiqued one
of Russ's."
"When will the first colony newspaper
be published?"
"Not until all of our equipment is up
and running. Early next week, we hope."
"Are you enjoying the work you're
doing here?"
"Very much."
"That's good. I sense, however, that
the Eden Colony isn't measuring up to your expectations in other ways."
Sara hesitated. If she responded at all,
Sister Eagle would continue to question her until she revealed all of her
confused feelings about Cameron and being on Eden. She thought Sister Eagle was
probably a good psychologist, but she didn't need a psychologist. She had a
husband and the Lord. Well, she almost had a husband. Sara stood up. "I
would rather not discuss it with you."
"Why not?"
"Please don't take this personally,
but it's none of your business."
"You trusted me once."
"I did," Sara conceded, feeling
more nauseated than ever. "But a lot has happened since then." How
could she have been such an idiot? What kind of fog had she been living in, to
confide her hopes and dreams and most intimate blessing to strangers?
Admittedly, Ben wasn't a stranger now, but he had been when he had analyzed her
patriarchal blessing.
"Do you really believe it's healthy to
change so drastically because of a young man?"
Sara responded without thinking, "When
the young man in question is the spokesman of the Lord for the colony, then
absolutely."
"I perceive that many issues are
disturbing you."
"I would like to have my file."
"You may change your mind."
"My file, please!" Or I may puke on your lap!
Sister
Eagle reached into the file box that was sitting on the floor next to her camp
chair, pulled a file from the front, and handed it to Sara. "As long as
you repress your feelings, Sara, you will never be at peace."
Feeling relieved, Sara took the folder and
walked to the door. Sister Eagle might still have her personal information on a
disk somewhere, but Sara felt, for the moment, that her privacy had been
restored.
Sara stopped at the door, understanding
coming to her all at once. She did believe Cameron was the true spokesman of
the Lord for the colony, not his father. No, she didn't merely believe it; she
knew it. Sister Eagle had helped her after all. She turned and smiled at Sister
Eagle. "Thank you."
Sister Eagle returned the smile. "Any
time."
Sara shut the door behind her and jogged
toward Ashley. Her stomach settled a little as she inhaled the fresh air.
Sister Eagle's intention really had been to facilitate Sara's emotional healing,
not to defuse a potentially disruptive force in the colony. She wasn't a
confidant, but she wasn't an enemy either.
"That didn't take very long."
Sara held up the folder. "I decided I
don't need counseling."
Ashley gazed at Sara, amazed. "What
did you say to her?"
"As little as I could get away
with," Sara replied as they began walking back toward Hospital Hollow.
"Aren't you going to look at your
file?"
Sara shook her head. "I just don't
care enough. It's going into the decomposer."
"You're becoming a real
revolutionary!"
"I didn't come to Eden to be a
revolutionary."
"Why did you come?"
"I don't know. You tell me."
"You're having second thoughts?"
"And third and fourth and fifth
thoughts, and they're all tangled up." Sara realized, to her surprise,
that Ashley wasn't just a friend, she was a close friend, a sister. Sara wanted
her observations and advice. She sat down on the lip of the hollow under a
cluster of maple, cherry, and sassafras trees, looking out over the hospital,
and waved Ashley down with her.
Sara told Ashley everything. "How can
it be wrong to be here and right to marry Cameron? Do you understand my
dilemma?"
Ashley brought her knees together under her
chin, her eyes delving into Sara's with affectionate impatience. "Of
course I understand. If I give you the answer to this puzzle, will you promise
to propose to Cameron tonight?"
Sara turned toward Ashley and pulled her
legs into a crossed position, anticipation swelling in her heart. Could Ashley
really have the key that would unlock this mystery? "I promise!"
"You didn't come here for Cameron,
Sara. You said so yourself, that day in the spaceport. Cameron came here for
you. Anyone with eyes can see it! That's how it can be wrong for you to be here
and, at the same time, be right to marry Cameron."
"But that can't be true! Cameron
accepted the call before he knew I was part of the colony."
"I know it doesn't completely make
sense, but it's true. If you hadn't been a part of the colony, Cameron wouldn't
have come. I don't think he would have been called to be the bishop at
all."
Sara waved a fly away. "That's absurd!
He isn't my own personal bishop. He's here for everyone."
"Of course he's here for everyone. No
one doubts that, least of all Cameron. All I'm saying is that your existence in
the colony was the motivating force that got him here."
"You don't think he would have come
for you and the other members of your family?"
"Not a chance." Ashley relaxed
against a cherry tree, her hands moving from her shins to her knees. "As
it was, Cameron made it clear a long time ago that he would never come to Eden,
even to visit. Mother and Father set up a trust fund for him, to pay for the
rest of his mission and to support him in school after that. He was supposed to
get home in January, and we assumed he would go back to BYU. Father's mother
left Maryland two years ago to be near our two aunts and their families. They
all live in the Provo Temple Community, and Cameron is particularly close to
Grandmother."
"Your family must have been shocked
when Cameron came home early and told you he was coming to Eden too."
Ashley plucked a white cherry blossom out
of her hair and rolled its stem between her thumb and finger. "We were.
Especially when it was so obvious he thought death by slow torture would be a
more pleasant prospect. Let me tell you, nothing short of that call would have
brought him here, and he didn't accept it because he hoped to inspire Father to
change. I'm not sure even the Lord could have talked Cameron into believing his
presence here would have done any good in that regard."
Sara's mind whirled. "I think I
understand what you're trying to say, but I still can't completely accept it.
Not enough pieces fit." Sara's spirit reached out to the Lord and begged
to understand. Please take away my
confusion. I love Cameron and want to marry him. I can't live like this! A
moment passed and Sara suddenly thought to ask, "Why don't you think
Cameron would have been called to be the bishop if I weren't here?"
Ashley held out her hand and let the cherry
blossom float away in the breeze. "I don't presume to know the mind of the
Lord, but I do know Cameron. If you weren't here, he wouldn't be able to function
in that calling."
Sara pulled her knees to her chin and
leaned on them. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, if you were not here, Cameron
would be too depressed and unstable to communicate with anyone rationally. The
colonists would have thought he was aloof or rude. He might have even isolated
himself. He would have alienated everyone."
"That doesn't sound like
Cameron."
"Of course it does. He was on the
verge of breakdown at the stake center the night he was sustained. You could
see that for yourself. Even Brandon said that Cameron had gone crazy. The only
thing that got him through that evening was you."
Sara nodded slowly. "And my
father." What had Cameron and her father talked about during the week they
had spent together in the temple? "Cameron withdraws then, when he's
upset?" It was a strange thought.
Ashley twisted her body slightly and
stretched her legs toward the hollow. "He either runs or he locks himself
in his room and reads. He used to download books by general authorities. He
started doing that about the time I went to my first high school dance. I had a
date to homecoming with a boy in my chemistry class, and Cameron was really
disturbed about it. He showed me all kinds of quotes about how I shouldn't date
until I was sixteen and begged me not to go."
"What did you do?"
"I went to the dance. I can see now
that it wasn't a good idea, but at the time, I really wanted to go. Father didn't
like the idea either and tried to discourage me, but Mother insisted."
Sara couldn't find a comfortable position.
She shifted again, kicking a rock over the ledge of the hollow. "Wasn't
your father's disapproval enough to stop you?"
"In this situation, no. My mother was
adamant, and when she gets in that frame of mind, my father doesn't fight
her."
"Did Cameron ever say anything to them
about it?"
"Of course he did. He was really
upset. He couldn't believe they would let me go on a date when I was only
thirteen."
"You were only thirteen?"
Ashley nodded. "It wasn't that Cameron
was mad about a double standard between the two of us either, because he didn't
care to date anyway."
Sara's own parents would have laughed her
out of the house had she even hinted
at wanting to go out with a boy at age thirteen. No wonder Cameron had been
disturbed! "What did they do?"
"Mother explained to him that since I
have one of those late birthdays, I would be halfway through my junior year
before I went to any school dances with a date if I waited until I was sixteen.
That just wasn't reasonable. The other kids would think I was a prig and a
snob, and I deserved to enjoy my time in high school. Ryan was only a freshman
also and his parents would take us. I was a good girl and could handle it.
Cameron said that there were more important things than a high school dance,
and Mother responded with, 'Try telling that to a teenage girl!' My father
simply shrugged and said, 'It is only
a dance, Cameron.'"
Sara gazed out over Hospital Hollow.
"So they brushed him off as they always do when they think he's being
fanatical."
Ashley nodded sadly and moved to sit next
to Sara again. "Not long after that, Tohmazz Zarr and his people came.
Cameron wouldn't have anything to do with them, but Mother and Father were
thrilled about everything their existence represented. Father was bishop at the
time and invited one of Zarr's people to give a talk to our ward. Cameron was
really upset. I know he spoke to Father about it, but he must have gotten the
brush off again, because he disappeared into his room for days."
Sara turned toward Ashley abruptly, her
heart tightening in dread. "How long did it take after that talk before
your father was released?"
"There were several talks, actually.
He was released within a month of the last one. We never heard any of Zarr's
people speak at a Church function again after that."
Sara turned away, running her hand through
her hair. So this great spiritual leader, this former bishop, had been released
because he couldn't follow the counsel of the Church. Sara couldn't believe
that she had allowed herself to be deceived by such a man. And she would still
be deceived were it not for Cameron.
A thought came into Sara's mind that was so
awful she almost fought it away without expressing it. She turned toward Ashley
again. "Your parents couldn't go to the temple with Cameron when he took
out his endowments, could they?"
"No," Ashley whispered, her
shoulders drooping. "Our bishop was the only one who went with him. I
think Cameron was too embarrassed to invite anyone else."
Sara remembered the missionary farewell
photograph and finally understood. The black veil that shrouded her heart
knotted itself again and again. "I can't even begin to imagine what kind
of nightmare Cameron's been living." How insensitive she had been! Cameron
had told her he had been living with a great burden, and she hadn't even asked
him about it.
Ashley turned to face Sara again. "Do
you understand now why I said there was no way he would have come to Eden for
us?"
Sara nodded, barely. Cameron would have
thought such an act would be useless. After everything Cameron had experienced
with his parents, the calling must have seemed like a curse. Sara didn't think
even Cameron's sense of duty was strong enough to inspire him to agree to a
call like that without protesting. What in the galaxy had the prophet told
Cameron that had convinced him his sacrifice would not be in vain?
Ashley gripped Sara's arm. "I know it
sounds crazy, but you have to believe me. Cameron came here for you. He's loved
you for a long time, and something deep inside of him knew you would be
here."
Finally Sara understood. The prophet had
told Cameron something about his future wife, something that had given him
hope. That was how her presence in the colony had given Cameron the motivation
to come to Eden and why Cameron hadn't told her about his meeting with the
prophet yet. Not only that, but Cameron had confided everything to her father.
No wonder her father had been so certain she would marry Cameron. How had her
father and Cameron come into such close contact in such a short length of time?
Her father had the kind of personality that inspired trust in people, but it
was still bizarre.
Ashley gave Sara a shake. "You have to
believe me, Sara! I've heard Cameron call you his queen. He probably thinks of
himself as your rescuer, your most devoted knight, and if you don't marry him,
I'll think you're the cruelest person who ever lived!"
Sara felt feverish and lightheaded.
"When . . . when we met, he . . .
said . . ." She gasped. "'The queen
is . . . puzzled . . . her . . .
servant knows her?'" She hugged herself fiercely in an attempt to stop
herself from shaking.
Ashley wrapped her arms around Sara tightly
and said softly, "You can understand now why Cameron never spoke to you or
asked you to dance. He had no confidence. His mission changed him a lot in that
way, I think. And you. When he's with you, he glows! He's self-assured and
glorious! The colonists are already looking to him for leadership. I wonder
what Father will do when he wakes up one day and realizes the colony is
following Cameron and not him."
Neither Sara nor Ashley moved for a long
time. Once Sara felt composed, she sat up stiffly and said, "You've been
talking about Cameron's troubles in such a matter-of-fact way, Ashley. These
things must have affected you too. How do you feel about all of this?"
"Numb. I'm not happy, I'm not angry, I'm
just numb. I think, so what my father's an apostate? Big deal!"
Hearing Ashley call Ben an apostate hurt
Sara deeply. She knew it made no sense, given that he had, in a very real way,
betrayed her, but coming to an understanding of the truth about his spiritual
state didn't diminish the affection she felt for him. She clutched Ashley's
arm. "Please don't call your
father an apostate! It sounds so severe, so . . . final! Whatever he's done, I can't
believe he's completely fallen away from the faith."
Ashley shrugged. "I can."
"You're not numb, Ashley," Sara
said softly. "You're bitter and cynical."
Ashley folded her arms over her bent knees
and laid her head on them, gazing sideways at Sara with tortured green eyes.
"I think you may be right."
"You haven't talked to Cameron yet,
have you."
"I talk to Cameron all the time."
"You know what I mean."
Ashley sighed. "No, I haven't."
"Talk to him tonight, and I'll give
you my Navy shirt."
Ashley sat up abruptly. "That would be
so wrong, Sara!"
"I can't wear the shirt anyway. It
would remind Cameron of all the midshipmen I went out with."
"How could you go out with all of
those midshipmen and never kiss any of them?"
"I didn't like any of them well
enough."
"Cameron can't be the first guy you
ever kissed."
"No. There was one other, at BYU, but
he was more of a friend. I was in the mood to get rid of my obsession with
Cameron for good, and I thought a few kisses from someone I liked could be the
cure."
Ashley smiled. "It didn't work,
obviously!"
"Not at all. I didn't like it."
"Please let me tell that to Cameron
when I talk to him. It'll make his day!"
"I'm not so sure about that. He doesn't
think I've ever kissed anyone but him."
"That's all the more reason to tell
him."
"Why? Because he never had any real
competition or because someone else's kisses made me want to throw up?"
"The throwing up part is good."
"I don't care what you tell him about
my kissing experience as long as you talk to him!"
*
Sara went directly to Construction Clearing
after her talk with Ashley and disposed of Sister Eagle's notes in the
decomposer. Her head throbbed, and she felt so sick to her stomach she didn't
think she could eat. Instead of going to the dining hall, she went to the
dormitory, where she unraveled the French braid from her hair, took some
ibuprofen, and lay down on her mattress, closing her eyes and pressing her
fingertips into her aching temples.
She slipped into a deep sleep. She saw her
father everywhere. When she slept, she knew he was near. When she awoke, he was
there. He never smiled, but his thoughts stimulated her and his feelings warmed
her. Hello, sweetie. What shall we do
today?
Fly!
All right. When we're finished at the
library, we'll go to the park and swing.
When
the darkness came, he would press her against his heart and rock, and rock and
rock, and embrace her with his sadness. I
miss her too, Daddy.
I know, sweetie.
The sadness never left, but it changed,
becoming charged with panic and desperation. Her father talked to someone else
during those times. Father, what am I
going to do? This is no life for my daughter. Please send a convoy for me
early. I need a miracle.
Sara
heard voices around her. She opened her eyes, disoriented.
"Are you coming to family home
evening, Sara?"
"Huh? No . . . family's
not here . . ."
"Leave her alone. She's half
asleep."
Sara rolled over, dreaming of her father's
smiles. His happiness poured over her like the sunlight from her window. She
stretched her arms out to him, and he lifted her out of her crib, hugging her
tightly.
I
know it was the most idiotic first engagement there ever was, but I didn't know
what else to do. She touched my hand, and I ached, wanting to hold her. I don't
dare be too alone with her. I think she understands. A little.
Sara
remembered being rocked by a different person, someone soft, feeling a warm
breeze playing with her hair. She smelled
pretty, Daddy.
She is pretty, sweetie. And I love her.
Her father's smiles spun away, and Sara
strolled up the walk to the temple, her arm snugly intertwined with Cameron's,
the dogwood trees crimson in their autumn splendor. The front doors slid open,
and they approached the recommend desk. "I'm sorry, Sister Alexander. You
don't have a recommend. You'll have to come back another day."
Cameron kissed her sadly. Speechless, she
watched him disappear behind the wall with its panels of stained glass. Nausea
pierced her heart. She would never see the beautiful mural at the other end of
the bridge now, "The Sheep and the Goats." I'm a
goat . . . I'm a goat . . . I'm a
goat . . . Please forgive me, Heavenly Father.
"Sara.
Sara!" She felt a firm hand on her arm, shaking her. She opened her eyes
to see the outline of Ashley in the dim light.
Sara gripped Ashley's hand. "Did you
talk to Cameron?"
Ashley nodded, smiling. "He wasn't
surprised, Sara. Can you believe that? I was afraid for nothing. We prayed
together, and read scriptures together, and I get to spend time like that with
him every week for a while. I feel like dancing!"
Sara wished she felt like dancing. She
smiled, despite her dreary mood, as Ashley pulled her to sitting position. Sara's
headache had faded to mere tightness at her temples, but queasiness still
gnawed at her chest. "Then dance! Take your music to the dining hall and
have a party!"
"Actually, that's an excellent idea.
Sara, you promised me you would propose to Cameron tonight. He's waiting for
you outside." Ashley reached into one of Sara's crates and removed a
brush.
"You didn't tell him I'm going to
propose to him, did you?"
"Of course not, stupid!" Ashley
said as she brushed Sara's hair. "He's just dying to see you. And worried,
too. When you didn't come to dinner, I had to tell him you weren't feeling
well." Ashley dropped the brush back into the crate, then rummaged around
in it, looking for something else.
"What are you doing?"
"Looking for this!" Ashley held
up Sara's Navy shirt. "Wear this tonight. It'll remind Cameron of all the
guys you didn't kiss and the one guy whose kisses made you want to throw up! I
must have spent ten minutes educating him on the fact that only one in a
million women would ever be that loyal and pure and that he doesn't appreciate
you nearly enough!"
Sara pulled the BYU T-shirt she was wearing
over her head and slipped into the Navy shirt. "I've never been sure
whether it was loyalty or just plain silliness!" After changing shirts and
having her hair brushed, she did feel fresher and more ready to see Cameron.
As Sara walked through the dormitory,
passing all of the mattresses on the floor with their jumbled bedcovers, she
felt as if she were walking through a wall of glass. The fantasy planet Eden
shattered, shards of Ben's vision of Zion crashing on the floor all around her.
She emerged on a planet of shadow,
terraformed by a strange foreign government and abandoned for some mysterious
reason, a planet that had seemed to throw a tantrum when the colonists broke
the Sabbath. What would it do if it heard the Lord's name taken in vain? Or
witnessed an immoral act? Did it understand their language? If Sara told the
other colonists what she knew, they would think she was crazy! What kind of
nightmare was she living in?
Sara paused for a moment in the doorway of
the dormitory, gazing at Cameron in the waning light of the sun. He waited for
her under their tree. When he saw her, he arose from his camp chair and looked
at her with expectation. His eyes lingered over the word "Navy," his
mouth unable to contain a smile of possessiveness and awe.
He was luminous in this world of shadow,
and love for him overwhelmed her, embellished with gratitude, penetrating to
her very bones, it seemed. She yearned to wrap herself around him, body and
spirit, and soothe away his loneliness and grief, and suddenly she felt afraid.
All things considered, Cameron had been
very reserved with her. He was an emotional person and far more vulnerable than
he appeared. Sara had a feeling she had felt only a trickle of his passion, a
few droplets he had carefully chosen, not just because he didn't want to force
his understanding and will on her, but because he didn't trust himself to let
down his guard too much.
When he started seriously confiding in her,
that passion would burst out in a gush and she wouldn't be able to stop herself
from responding to it with ardor that equaled his. Under those circumstances,
how long could they keep their relationship on a wholesome plane? Too many
beautiful, secluded places surrounded them. It would be too easy to be
intimate. And if that happened prematurely, the colony would lose their bishop
and fall into ruin.
Sara pondered the memories she had dreamed
that evening of her father. What had seemed to her and her brothers and sisters
to be a ridiculous first date, which they loved to tease their parents about,
made perfect sense now. Her father had asked their mother to have dinner at his
house with him and the missionaries, not so much because being alone with her
in the house might have given his neighbors the wrong idea, but because he hadn't
trusted himself to be alone with her. When her father had warned her against
putting off marrying Cameron once the decision was made, he had spoken with
understanding that had come from similar experience. Sara had no doubt he had
spoken through inspiration also.
As Sara gazed at Cameron waiting for her in
their designated date spot, watching her with such hope and apprehension, she
knew what she had to do. The decision to marry had been made. She wasn't going
to change her mind and neither would Cameron. Cameron was under a lot of
pressure, and she had the power to either intensify it or do a great deal to
relieve it. She was done making mistakes. This was one thing she would do
right, as insane as it seemed.
Sara sprinted to Cameron and threw herself
at him. He received her into his arms eagerly, pressing her close and kissing
her again and again. Between kisses she managed to ask, "Will
you . . . marry me . . . tomorrow?"
Cameron withdrew from Sara slightly and
gazed down at her in surprise. "Tomorrow?"
"You don't think it's feasible?"
"Actually, I don't. My father will
insist on giving us intensive premarital counseling before he will agree to
marry us. You know he'll make us talk about all kinds of things. I would rather
we discuss as many of those issues as we can think of alone before we have to
endure that meeting."
In her eagerness Sara hadn't thought of
that. "You're right. Tomorrow's too soon. How long do you think it will
take to work everything out?"
"I have no idea. The one good thing,
though, is that my father has a lot of confidence in himself as a facilitator.
If he believes he's molded us into an effective team, we won't have to wait too
long. Not only that, but the colony will accept his decision and support
us."
"So do you think a week is feasible?
Next Monday, maybe?"
"Perhaps. Are you absolutely sure you
want to be married that soon?"
"It's what I want and what you need.
Yes, I'm sure."
Cameron's entire body relaxed in a giant
shiver of relief. "Thank you, Sara," he whispered, lifting his
fingers to her cheek.
"I love you, Cameron. Thank you for being my rescuer, my most devoted
knight."
Cameron smiled--not the sad smile she had
seen on his lips so often but a smile of bliss. "You're most welcome, my
beloved queen."
Sara kissed Cameron, then embraced him
tightly, speaking softly into his ear, "Will you tell me now about your
meeting with the prophet? And what you talked about with my father? It must
have been some conversation because my father knew I would marry you. He even
gave me his wedding ring from my mother to give to you!"
"Really?" Cameron said in delight,
releasing Sara and sitting her down in the camp chair. "He's so
awesome!" He moved his own chair as close to her as he could manage and
sat down facing her, interlocking his knees with hers and taking her hands in
his. "I'm glad it worked out that I was able to talk to him. I needed it
and he deserved it."
Sara still felt sick. "He did deserve
it. I treated him so cruelly." She bowed her head, unable to meet Cameron's
gaze. "I've been such a disrespectful fool, and now I can't even
apologize."
Sara felt Cameron's fingers caress her
chin, gently lifting her head so that he could look solemnly into her eyes.
"Then make your apologies to the Father who is available to you now."
"Do you really think that will be
enough?"
"For now. Neither father wants you to
torture yourself forever."
"Will it be possible for either one of
us to be happy here, Cameron?"
"A month ago, I would have said no.
Now . . ." Cameron nodded reflectively. "I think
so." His fingers moved from her chin to her cheek and into her hair. He
touched his lips to hers softly. "I love you, Sara, and I'm happy. For the
first time I believe I can accomplish my mission here, and I'm content."
"But I have no mission here,"
Sara said ruefully. "I should be home, in Maryland, preparing to move with
my family."
"We should both be home in Maryland,
but the fact is, my parents made some decisions that affected us both."
"I don't blame your parents. I'll take
responsibility for my own mistakes."
"I'm not suggesting you shouldn't, but
the fact remains that their actions have influenced us. After I saw you at the
stake center that evening, I was really troubled. I couldn't understand how
someone like you could have been so influenced by my father. In the couple of
hours I slept that night, I had all kinds of strange dreams. In one of them, I
was in a beautiful place full of light with all of the people I loved but one.
You. So as often as I could, I would slip away and find you with all of the
people you loved, and as I remained there with all of your people, I grew to
love them as much as you did. Then I would get lonely for my own people and go
home. Pretty soon, you would slip away and come to me."
Sara nodded slowly. "And I came to
love your people, Ashley and your mother and father, and Adam and Brandon too.
I think I understand." She knew that what Cameron believed was true. She
had a relationship with Cameron and his family that had begun in the premortal
existence.
"When I woke up, I wasn't baffled
anymore, just sad at the waste. I understood why you were so drawn to them and
they to you, and your presence in the colony made sense. So no, you shouldn't
have come and neither should any of the others, but that doesn't mean the Lord
doesn't have important things for you to do here. You've already done an
incredible thing for Ashley."
Sara stroked the back of Cameron's hand.
"And she's done an incredible thing for me. Without her insight, I don't
know how long it would have taken me to realize you came to Eden for me."
"We're a strange couple, you see. I
came here for you, but you've given me the belief in myself that allows me to be here for you and the others. So don't
tell me you have no mission on Eden. I don't believe it."
"You do make me feel a little better.
How can I possibly stay in despair when someone like you has so much faith in
me?"
"I have to have faith in you, Sara.
Without you, I'm lost. I've been praying desperately for the haze to lift from
your mind. I'm just sorry it's causing you so much pain."
"If I didn't know better, I'd think
you were being selfish."
"I am being selfish," Cameron
admitted. "I wanted you to throw off your illusions as much for myself as
for you. I can't do what I have to do here without at least one person who
completely believes in me. And the prophet did promise me support in the form
of a wife."
"Hey you guys!" Ashley called.
"Come dance with us!"
Sara leaned back in her chair. "So you
are going to have a dance," she said as Ashley, Samantha, and Tony
approached them.
"We're going to dance until we pass
out!" Samantha said.
"Everyone's restless," Tony
agreed. "We need this."
"Maybe we'll come later," Cameron
said. "We have a lot to talk about first."
The thought of Ashley, Samantha, and Tony
blasting music in the dining hall bothered Sara. "Just promise you won't
play any songs that are bad, will you?"
"We wouldn't do that, Sara,"
Ashley said, hurt.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way
it sounded. I don't mean bad bad. I
mean be careful and don't play songs that have even one bad word in them. You
know how easy it is to get numb to just one little bad word in a song."
Samantha looked at Sara strangely.
"You're afraid we'll have another storm, aren't you."
"Aren't you?"
"A little," Samantha admitted.
"But one bad word in a song is hardly in the same category as breaking the
Sabbath."
"And this isn't Earth," Sara
countered. "We don't know what the rules are here."
"We'll be careful, Sara," Tony
assured. "We promise."
"We'll see you guys later,"
Cameron said, waving them away. Ashley and Samantha laughed at Cameron's
anxiousness to get rid of them and hurried off with Tony. Once they were gone,
Cameron looked at Sara penetratingly. "What haven't you told me? About
Eden?"
Sara told Cameron everything her father had
told her. She hadn't meant to keep it from him, but they had so much to talk
about and so little time for private conversations. "What he told me was
so farfetched I only half believed it until the storm hit yesterday. Since
then, I've thought of it almost as much as I've thought about you."
"So you think the planet-spirit may be
reacting to our unrighteous behavior."
"I think it's a good possibility. The
first rain storm came after an argument, and the second came after we broke the
Sabbath. Remember in the book of Moses? When Enoch heard the voice of the
earth?"
Cameron nodded. "The earth was weary
because of all the wickedness and longed to be sanctified."
"The way I see it, if the earth can
perceive wickedness on its face, so can Eden."
"You were right to be worried about
the content of the music Ashley planned to play. I've known all along this
planet is cursed, but this puts everything in a new light. I need time to think
about this."
"That's fine, as long as it isn't
now!" Sara tapped the back of Cameron's hand. "You still haven't told
me about your meeting with the prophet!"
The corner of Cameron's rose in an impish
way. "Maybe we should go dancing instead."
"This is one time I sincerely don't
want to dance."
"I know. Neither do I." Cameron's
face sobered. "He told me the Lord was calling me on another mission, a
mission to save my family, and extended this calling to me. I told him there
was no way I could do it. In a way I wanted to do it, because I could see it
was needed, and I certainly didn't want to say no to the Lord, but I couldn't
comprehend how I could possibly do any good here."
"Did you tell him why you felt that
way?"
"I told him all kinds of things.
Basically, my parents have their own way of thinking. When I do or say
something that deviates from that, they ignore me or tell me to grow up. Why
should I think that would change?"
"Being a bishop, though, is different
from being a little boy in your parents' home. Your parents may brush you off,
but others will listen. Me, for instance."
Cameron nodded. "President Morley said
the same thing. He told me that the colonists were basically good people who
were temporarily blind. They just needed a discerning priesthood leader to show
them how to get back on track. Some would take direction, and some would not.
He didn't say whether my father would be one who would ever take direction, but
he did tell me that he wasn't willing to give up yet on my father."
"Is that why your father was never
excommunicated?"
"Yes. Apparently his priesthood
leaders have never felt good about calling a court on him. The prophet didn't
feel good about it either. He explained that, under the circumstances, any
judgment rendered by a stake court could be permanent, at least for this life,
since once my father left Earth, he might not live long enough to return to
Zion to have his blessings restored."
"The Church really does mean to
abandon the colony then," Sara said. She still found it difficult to
believe.
"No. My presence here is proof that
the Church didn't want to abandon the colony. What has happened, however, is
that the colony has, in a literal way, abandoned the Church. And yes, the
prophet told me that he believed most of the colonists would follow my father
to Eden even if he were excommunicated."
Sara wondered what she would have done. She
truly didn't know. "I'm relieved it never came to that. Did the prophet
say anything else about it?"
"He told me that if the Church didn't
organize a ward here, the colony would either destroy itself or fall into
darkness as the descendents of Laman and Lemuel did when they were cut off.
Unlike the Lamanites, however, the Eden Colony would never have contact with
the Church again and redemption would be impossible, at least in this life. We're
going to be out of contact with the Church for a long time."
"The prophet seriously doesn't expect
to have any kind of contact with us until you lead the colony back to the New
Jerusalem? How can that be?"
"Think about what your father told
you, Sara," Cameron said gently. "He said the Zarrists were pirates,
didn't he?"
Sara nodded. "And that they are
enemies to Novaun."
"Novaun. A galactic Zion of two
thousand planets. Think about what the scriptures say about nations that fight
against Zion."
"You're right. Novaun could crush
Earth if it wanted to." The thought had never occurred to her.
"Probably so, and it's the only galactic
power that you and I know about. Zarr must have other enemies. What happens if
a stronger galactic power comes after him and he goes to war? He might
completely forget about us. Not only that, but on Earth itself, what if Zarr
goes to war against the Church and its allies in the Cooperative Communities? I
have to believe that the Temple/Cooperative Communities are destined to become
municipalities in a larger Zion community."
"So do I. I've believed that all
along. It's terribly exciting!"
"It is exciting. And considering the
prophecies, I don't think there's any chance Zarr could wound the Zion
municipalities, but such a situation would definitely change things on
Earth."
"And perhaps make it impossible to get
back to a temple community. My parents do believe that all of the communities
established by the Church and other members of the Guardians of Earth's
Governments are on the verge of isolating themselves." Why hadn't she
believed them?
"I don't know the details of how it
has happened or will happen, but I do know that we're stranded."
"For how long, do you think?"
Cameron shrugged. "If we're lucky,
fifteen or twenty years. It could be as long as fifty. That's why the
presidencies were organized with five counselors instead of two and why most of
the men are young."
It all made a horrible kind of sense. Sara
felt the Lord's mercy on the colony keenly, gratitude overwhelming her.
"You're relieved, then, that your father wasn't excommunicated or even
disfellowshipped."
"Extremely. At the same time, though, I
have to deal with him. I gave my excuses to President Morley, and he listened
patiently. Then he said in that kind but very firm way he has, 'The Lord knows
all of that, Cameron, and He still wants you to be the bishop of the Eden
Colony Ward. He trusts you and knows you won't fail him. The task before you
will be difficult, but the Lord will help you and your wife will give you
strength.'"
Sara squeezed his hands. "What did you
say to that?"
"I was stunned, let me tell you. All I
could say was a very weak, 'My wife?' He said, 'Yes. Just think of it, on this
mission, you can have a wife and children.' I said, and please don't be
offended, Sara, 'I don't know how I could possibly fall in love with a woman so
dense she would follow my father.'"
Cameron's comment made Sara feel strange,
and yet she understood. "I'm not offended, but I am glad you didn't tell
me that four weeks ago."
"I may be a fanatic, but I'm not
suicidal!"
"So what did the prophet say after
that?" Sara asked eagerly.
"He laughed at me and said, 'That won't
be a problem. There's a young woman among the colonists whom you will want very
much to make your wife. If you don't go to Eden and bring her back to Zion, you
will regret it forever.'"
"So you finally agreed to the
call."
"Yes. I didn't see much of a choice at
that point. I didn't completely believe what the prophet told me, but I wanted to believe, and that was enough.
I couldn't help but think of you, and I knew that if you were going to Eden, I
would accept the calling and go to your rescue without thinking twice about it.
I realized that if I was willing to go into hell for a fantasy woman (because I
didn't really know you), I ought to be willing to do the same for the real
woman who would be my wife."
"It never occurred to you that I
really might be going?"
"Not for a second."
"Did President Morley tell you
anything else about me?"
"No, but to make matters worse, he did
tell me that a bishop should have a wife and that I should get married as soon
as I could."
"He was right."
"I know he was right, and I knew it
then, but the only thing I could think of at the time was: The prophet has just given me an impossible mission and now he's
telling me that, on top of everything else, I have to date? To tell you the truth, it sounded like
torture."
Sara caressed Cameron's cheek and kissed
him. "Yeah, I'd say it's torture!"
Cameron pulled Sara out of her chair and
into his lap, pressing her close, returning her kiss with zeal. "You can torture me all you like!"
Sara couldn't resist. "Even though I'm
dense?"
"The prophet did laugh at me. It is
funny, really. I don't think a mere five minutes passed from the time we first
spoke to each other before everything was decided between us." He kissed
her again and again.
"Why did you hold my hand that evening
at the stake center? If I hadn't loved it so much, I would have thought you
were shameless!"
"I couldn't exactly help myself. I was
already so in love with you that I wasn't about to wait around another six
years, or even six days, for you to make the first move, and remember, I had an
intense feeling right away that you loved me as much as I loved you. Not only
that, but I didn't want to give you a chance to even look at any of the other guys in the colony."
"You were a little late in that
department since I'd already met quite a few of them, but it hardly mattered!
All you have to do is smile at me and I melt. I can't resist you."
"I know. I still have a hard time
believing it! Who would have ever thought it?"
Sara slipped out of Cameron's arms and
moved her chair so that it was next to his but pointed in the opposite
direction. "If you had said 'hi' to me once or even acted like you were
aware of me, you would have known!"
"I couldn't have done that. I was too
hurt. I tortured myself wondering what you didn't like about me."
Sara sat down facing Cameron, leaning into
his arms as well as she could. "That makes no sense. How can you be so
modest? You're so gorgeous you had girls falling all over you. Don't you think
for a moment that I didn't notice!"
"They weren't you. Even when I was on
my mission I couldn't get you out of my mind. After I had been out for a while,
I promised myself that when I got home, I would find you, and if you weren't
married, I was going to ask you out."
It was such a wonderful thought that Sara
could scarcely believe it. "Seriously?"
"Absolutely. You were unfinished
business. Somewhere along the line, I realized there was nothing wrong with me,
nothing you could have known about anyway, and that the worst thing that could
happen if I asked you out would be for you to say no. In that case, I planned
to ask you what you didn't like about me. So you see, whether you said yes or
no, I would have had resolution."
"I doubt I would have said anything.
All I would have had to hear was, 'This is Cameron Carroll,' and I would have
passed out in shock!"
"You did look as if you would pass out
when you saw me standing there next to my mother."
"I almost turned around and ran. Why
didn't you call me, Cameron?"
"Because once I accepted the calling,
I knew there could never be anything between us. You were as good as dead to
me, and seeing you or even talking to you would have been too painful. Imagine
my feelings when I first saw your father in the temple."
"Did the two of you recognize each
other right away?"
"Yes. You look so much like him, and
he does wear a name tag, and when a time came that I had to tell him my name,
he already knew it. That surprised me, and he could see that it did, but he
just smiled and sent me off. We didn't get a chance to talk, though, until
later. It was really weird. Wherever I went in the temple, he was there."
"That is weird, Cameron."
"He thought so too, because when I saw
him in the hall after a session, he smiled at me in a really mischievous way
and asked, 'Are you following me, Elder Carroll?' Hearing him call me 'Elder
Carroll' felt really good, but I didn't like the idea of being on such formal
terms with him, so I asked him to call me 'Cameron.' I knew then that he
probably remembered me from all of the track meets, so it only seemed right
that I find a way to ask about you."
"That must have been awkward."
"It should have been, but it wasn't. I
just asked if you were still running. He told me a little about the things you
were doing, and since his shift was over, he offered to buy me lunch."
Sara couldn't stop herself from asking:
"He didn't actually eat the cafeteria food, did he?" She couldn't
believe that even the temple made her father feel that safe.
"No. But he did have a can of soda. It
didn't seem strange, though, because he was so friendly and made me feel
comfortable. He asked me questions about my mission and wanted to know how long
I had been home. I told him I had spent some time with my grandmother in Utah
before returning to Maryland."
"He must have asked you what your
plans were. Did you tell him right then and there?"
"I did. It popped right out before I
even knew what I was saying. 'My family is going to an accursed planet named
Eden, and I've been called on a mission to save them.' He was so shocked I
thought he would fall out of the chair."
"Shocked? My father? I wish I could
have seen that. Nothing gets to him."
"Well, this did. He stared at me and
asked, 'What do you mean?' So I told him about my wonderful new calling and
expressed my desire to be dead instead. I was so comfortable I felt punchy. I
didn't tell him much more about it at that time, but he did ask if I had told
my parents yet. I said no, that I needed a week in the temple before I could
even consider facing that challenge. I stood up to leave, thanked him for
lunch, and told him I would see him again the next day."
"That was it?"
"For Day One, yes. On Day Two, it was
the same thing all over again. Wherever I went, he was there. Eventually I went
up to do sealings. I hadn't witnessed a sealing in English yet, but I wanted to
memorize the words so that I could think of them in the time to come. Still, I
was very nervous about it, which was why I hadn't done any sealings the day
before. I was afraid the knowledge that my wife and children wouldn't be sealed
to me for many years, perhaps decades, would weigh too heavily on me and that I
would lose it."
"Did you?"
"I was all right for the first set,
sort of, when I was acting as witness and your father was a proxy. Then it was
my turn to be a proxy, I started shaking, and then my eyes so filled with tears
that I went blind. Before the sealer could complete the ordinance, I had
collapsed on the altar, sobbing. It was horrible."
"Were you able to pull yourself
together and finish the sealings?"
Cameron shook his head. "Someone was
going to call President Walden, and I heard your father say that he knew me and
had some idea of why I was troubled. He would talk to me. He helped me stand up
and walked me down the hall and into what looked like a big waiting room.
"He sat me down on a couch and put his
arm around me, and I babbled on and on about how I had been born in the
covenant and that now my parents had jumped off the edge of a cliff and had
taken my brothers and sister with them. My parents hadn't been with me when I
was endowed. My eternal family was falling apart, and now I couldn't even have
my own temple marriage. I went on and on and on.
"Eventually I had no more to say, and
I leaned back, drained. That was when your father began telling me the story of
Enoch. He recited it as if a copy of the Pearl
of Great Price was open on his
lap and he was reading it word for word. 'Why is it that I have found favor in
thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of
speech; wherefore am I thy servant? And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and
do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy mouth, and
it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my
hands, and I will do as seemeth me good . . .'
"You are like Enoch," Sara said
softly. "The Lord must have a lot of confidence in you."
"I know," Cameron whispered.
"When your father was finished telling me the story of Enoch, I felt it. I
realized that I might not be a prophet, but I am the Lord's servant, and He
would take care of me. After that, your father began asking me questions, and
we were able to discuss my situation rationally."
"He gave you advice?" Sara said
in surprise. "I didn't think ordinance workers were supposed to do
that."
"No, he really didn't give me advice,
but he did make some observations that made me feel better, particularly with
regard to marriage."
"Actually, my dad's an expert on
marriage. He's done it twice. Successfully."
"He told me about both of your
mothers. He said he had known his first wife for as long as he could remember.
He grew to love her so gradually that he couldn't pinpoint when exactly it had
happened. When they both realized that neither one of them wanted to see other people,
they began discussing marriage. With his second wife, though, it was
different."
"He knew he loved her the first time
she spoke to him."
"He said the situation he was in at
the time was bizarre. Not quite as strange as the one I was going into, but
bizarre all the same. Now that I know about Novaun, I would disagree with him
on that point."
"His situation at the time was
bizarre," Sara agreed. "He probably didn't tell you, but he didn't go
anywhere without me."
"He must have been afraid someone
would give you something to eat that would kill you."
"He was, and he's still paranoid about
it."
"He said it had never entered his mind
that he should get married at that time. Apparently, some of the women in the
ward suggested he should date and even introduced him to unmarried women."
"No way! He never told us that!"
"He was so annoyed by it that he was
actually rude a couple of times; the thought of dating was outrageous. If he
hadn't had such a strong feeling about your mother from the beginning, he would
never have pursued a relationship with her. The knowledge that he should marry
her came to him like a testimony of the gospel comes to a new convert, sudden
and thrilling in its intensity. The knowledge that he should marry his first
wife came to him like a testimony comes to a life-long member, gradual and
powerful in its solidity. He believes that as long as the commitment is there,
both methods are equally valid."
"Perfect analogy for a guy who just
got off his mission."
"I thought so."
"So he believed you would have a new
convert kind of experience with your future wife."
"He wasn't certain about it by any
means, but he thought it was possible. He believed I should take President
Morley at his word. The Lord wanted me to get married as soon as possible and I
should have faith that He would give me a wife. We both agreed that I was going
into a situation where it would be impossible to date in the usual sense. We
also both agreed that I couldn't be alone with young women at all. In the eyes
of the colonists, my position would be dubious enough. I couldn't do anything
that would put even a glimmer of a thought into anyone's mind that there might
be something inappropriate going on. Your father and I also agreed that life
with my parents would certainly get more difficult rather than less so. He
suggested that finding a wife might be one area of my life that would actually
work out well right now."
"I wonder if he had any idea then that
I would be your wife."
"He knew it when you and I were
introduced. So did your mother. I could see it in their eyes. Whether your
father knew it or even suspected that day in the temple, though, I have no
idea. After our conversation, I was so filled with hope that I actually managed
to do some sealings afterwards. I saw your father off and on all week long. On
Friday, after his shift was over, we even did an endowment session
together."
"Did you talk about me at all?"
"Except for our greeting on the first
day, no. I would have liked to ask him more about you, but I just couldn't
bring myself to do it. Every now and then I hoped he would invite me to your
house for dinner or something, and then I would get to see you."
"That would have been weird!"
"I'm glad he didn't, because I wouldn't
have been able to resist the invitation, and then I would have spent the rest
of the week trying to talk you out of going to Eden. By the time we actually
got here, you would have hated me."
"If you knew right away you wanted to
marry me, why did you try to talk me out of coming?"
"I wouldn't have been able to live
with myself had I not tried. After you berated me, I didn't know what to do. My
prayer was desperate: I love Sara, but I
can't have a wife who fights me. What am I supposed to do? The answer was
immediate: Shower her with all of the
love you feel, and she'll turn right around."
"So that's the real reason you held my
hand that evening at the stake center," Sara teased.
"What can I say? The Spirit made me do
it." Cameron removed the phone from his belt and began punching buttons.
"What are you doing?"
"Calling my father." He smiled
seductively, stroking her arm with his free hand. "I want you, and I want
you now!"
Sara would have kissed him had she not been
so nervous. She didn't think it was ten o'clock yet. Perhaps she and Cameron
could talk to his parents that night.
Cameron didn't waste any time telling his
father what he wanted. "Sara and I are engaged. We would like to get
married tomorrow." He shrugged at Sara and mouthed the words: "It
doesn't hurt to try!"
Cameron pushed the button to end the call
with a flourish. "Well, he wants to see us immediately. Says we're in dire
need of counseling."
"Did he say it in a, 'Congratulations!
Let's work out the details,' tone or a, 'You kids are crazy!' tone?"
Cameron laughed a little. "What do you
think?"
"What are we going to say to
them?"
"I think it's time we tell them the
truth. The complete truth."
Cameron persuaded Sara to have some
soup and toast at the dining hall. They announced their engagement to cheers
and applause, then invited Cameron's mother to walk back to the house with
them.
"Your father wants to talk with you
alone," Barbara explained.
"Why?"
"I assume he doesn't want
distractions."
"That's ridiculous! My own mother can
hardly be a distraction! You need to be a part of this too. Come on."
"He's the facilitator, not I."
"We don't need to talk to a
facilitator, we need parents, a father and a mother. I want you to come with
us." Barbara shook her head and Cameron gave up and left with Sara alone.
"Why wouldn't he want your mother to
be there too?" Sara asked.
"Because he wants complete control
over the discussion and any decisions that come out of it."
"It's hard for me to believe your
mother doesn't see that. I can't believe she puts up with it."
Cameron appeared troubled. "She either
doesn't care or she doesn't want Father to think she cares. I wonder why. This
isn't like her."
Wariness crept through Sara. Perhaps Ben
and Barbara's marriage wasn't as normal as she had always believed. She
wondered what Cameron thought about it. "It's strange that your parents
wouldn't want to be together at a time like this. They're acting as if they
aren't even married. Am I making any sense at all?"
"Perfect sense. They seem disconnected
to me too."
Sara hardly dared ask: "Have they
always been that way?" Why did this new knowledge bother her?
"No. When I was a child, they were
very close; I'm sure of it. Somewhere along the line, though, when I was in
high school I think, I became aware that things weren't right. I felt as if I
were living in a house built of modeling blocks. From a distance the house was
grand and glorious looking, or must have been, because so many people told me
how beautiful it was. But I was in the middle of it, and I could see that it
was just little plastic blocks, and I was afraid that if it were dropped or tossed
this way or that it would break completely apart."
The ache in Sara's chest returned.
"You make me ashamed of myself, Cameron. I was as taken in by the block
house as anyone. If I hadn't been so awed by it, we would have become friends a
long time ago, and maybe you wouldn't have felt so insecure and trapped."
"Your friendship would have meant
everything to me," Cameron said softly. "Just as your love means
everything to me now. I don't want us to end up disconnected like my parents. I
would be desperately lonely and unhappy."
"So would I." Wanting to comfort
Cameron a little and cheer him up, Sara darted into his path, turning to face
him. He stopped abruptly. She grabbed his arms and looked him straight in the
eyes. He gazed back at her in expectation. "I'll have you know right now,
Cameron Carroll, that I require a lot more out of you than five minutes of your
time before we both fall exhausted into bed at night."
Cameron kissed Sara's lips and said
lightly, "And just what precisely does the queen wish the king's marital
duties to be?" He kissed her again.
Sara's loosened her grip on Cameron's arms,
and he promptly set the lantern on the ground. "I expect you to play with
my hair, and hold my hand, and rub my back, and run with me, and talk with me,
and read with me, and eat dinner with me. And if being a bishop makes it
impossible to ever sleep in on Sunday or take a nap, then we'll simply make
Sundays the night we go to bed early. And after we've been married twenty-two
years, you'd better be kissing me as if I'm the only woman in the universe you've
ever wanted to be with."
Cameron smiled indulgently, his hands
finding her waist and drawing her close. "I'll be kissing you like that
after we've been married a hundred
years." He kissed her again, lingeringly.
Cameron's reference to Sara's long life
span brought a new concern into Sara's conscious thoughts. When she withdrew
from the kiss, she whispered, "It seems wrong not to tell your father
about Novaun, but we can't. Not yet."
"That does make things difficult, but
I agree."
"Who knows what kind of contact
Control Colony has with Earth. If the Zarrists find out about my father, they'll
kill him."
"We can't let that happen."
Cameron released Sara and picked up the lantern. "Which means you can't
tell my father the specific things that were in the blessing your father gave
you either. And he will ask."
Sara hadn't thought of that. "You're
right." They started up the trail again, hand in hand. "It really
bugs me that your father has so much control over whether we get married or
not."
"It bugs me too," Cameron
admitted.
When Sara and Cameron arrived at the prefab
shell outside of Government Grove belonging to Cameron's parents, one of the
larger 1000-square-foot units designed in a Victorian style, Ben met them at
the door and motioned them into camp chairs. He seated himself in the camp
chair facing them, setting the lantern he was carrying on the floor opposite
Cameron's.
Ben surveyed Sara and Cameron quizzically.
"All right. Let me hear it. What makes the two of you think you know each
other well enough to get married tomorrow?"
Cameron gave a complete account of his
visit with the prophet, then told his father about the week he had spent in the
temple with Sara's father and the strong prompting he had received at the stake
center that he should pursue Sara as a wife. Ben interjected a question now and
then, but, for the most part, he allowed Cameron to speak without interrupting
him.
Eventually Ben turned his attention to
Sara. He gazed at her gravely. "A successful marriage requires more than
love; it requires mutual values and a similar perspective on life. Do you
agree, Sara?"
Sara nodded sorrowfully, holding his gaze.
She knew where his question was leading and realized this discussion would be
far more difficult than she had expected. Her rejection of his vision of Eden
would hurt him, and she wished there were some way they could avoid talking
about it.
"Cameron doesn't believe any of us
should be here. How do you feel about that?"
"I agree with him," Sara
whispered.
"You don't sound as if you're
convinced."
"I am convinced, but I'm also grieved.
This hasn't been a comfortable truth to come to."
"Have you considered the possibility
that you're feeling uncomfortable because your new conclusion is wrong?"
"I'm feeling uncomfortable because I
realize I made a huge mistake in coming here. I'm . . . sorry,
Ben."
"Why do you believe you made a
mistake?"
"Because I came to know that Cameron
truly is the Lord's spokesman for the colony. If that's true, then none of us
should be here."
The corners of Ben's mouth lifted just
slightly. "So the Lord's spokesman for the colony told you that you were
supposed to be his wife, and you, being the devout young woman you are, agreed
to it."
"No. Cameron would never use his
position to pressure me or manipulate me like that. He simply loved me and
treated me like a queen, and when I was ready, I proposed to him."
"You
proposed to him?" Ben's voice
was a touch disdainful.
Sara immediately regretted saying so much.
Ben already believed his son was lacking in manliness. "Actually, Cameron
told me that he wanted to marry me three weeks ago. We agreed that I would
propose when I was ready to set a date."
"You're ready after a mere four
weeks."
"I love Cameron and it's right. I don't
know what else to tell you except that my father knows it's right also. He even
gave me a wedding ring to give to Cameron, along with advice. I can't believe
his meeting in the temple with Cameron was coincidence."
Sara told Ben more about the conversation
she had had with her father the night before leaving for Eden, omitting all
reference to Novaun. She also told him about the blessing her father had given
to her and how it had inspired her to question the Eden plan for her life.
"What do you think your father meant
when he told you to not be afraid of having more children than you may, at
present, think is natural? How many children do you think is 'natural,'
Sara?"
"The feeling I received from my father's
blessing was that I have an exceptionally healthy, fertile body, that marriage
for me would mean a baby sooner rather than later, and that I would want to have
a large family."
"How large is large, Sara?"
"If I'm to be honest with myself, I'd
have to say I think eight is a natural number since I'm from a family with
eight children. Therefore, I have to believe Cameron and I will have at least
eight children."
"Do you agree, Cameron?"
"Yes. I believe we'll have at least
eight children, and that's fine with me."
"How long do you intend to wait to
have your first child?"
Sara couldn't tell him that she wasn't sure
the methods Earthons used to prevent pregnancy would even work on her
super-fertile Novaunian body and that she had decided she would enjoy Cameron
and let the first baby come when it wanted to. "I plan to talk to Cyndi as
soon as possible to find out my options." She did want to talk to Cyndi,
but the questions she had in mind were more the ones she would ask her mother
if she were available.
"I don't want to wait too long to have
a baby," Cameron admitted, "but since Sara has to have it, it's up to
her how long we wait."
"Do you believe it's wise to have a baby
before Sara's education is complete?"
"Two years is a long time. I don't
believe the Lord wants us to wait that long."
"What do you think, Sara?"
"I agree with Cameron. And once we do
have a baby, he or she will have priority over my education."
"So you intend to spend less time on
your studies so that you can spend more time with your baby."
"Probably. To tell you the truth, I
don't know how getting married will affect my studies. I don't expect anything
to change for a while. I just want to go into my marriage with the expectation
that my home and family will be my primary focus."
"You want your career to be
homemaking, then."
He sounded skeptical. Sara refused to allow
him to rattle her. "Yes. How my marriage will affect my writing life, I
don't know. It's too soon to tell."
"That's an interesting comment coming
from a young lady who, only three weeks ago, felt such a desire to become a
journalist that she declined an opportunity to obtain full status in the
colony."
"I declined the P.E. offer because I
didn't feel good about it. Perhaps the Lord gave me those feelings of
discomfort because He knew being a journalist would allow me to be home with my
children more than being the colony's P.E. director would." She didn't
dare set herself up for attack by telling him that she believed the Lord had
directed her to reject the P.E. offer because the job had been meant for
Cameron all along.
Ben tossed a glance in Cameron's direction,
but it seemed perfunctory. His attention still seemed to be riveted on Sara.
"How do you feel, Cameron, about Sara's desire to continue writing after
you start having children?"
"To tell you the truth, I can't
imagine her not writing any more than I can imagine her not running, or not
dancing, or not having church callings."
"Even though it will impinge on the
time she spends with you and your children?"
"She will hardly be our slave.
Homemakers deserve time off to do things they enjoy as much as anyone. I'm
counting on her to run with me every day too."
Sara nodded at Cameron and smiled. How she
longed to run with him and explore the forestland that surrounded them! They
could go backpacking sometimes too. "We'll have one of those strollers
synthesized. You know, the ones with the huge wheels."
Cameron grinned at her and nodded.
"How does it make you feel, Sara, that
Cameron thinks of journalism as a hobby rather than a profession?"
Sara tensed. "Are you suggesting I
would take an activity I enjoy less seriously than one I would perform for
status or money?"
"Money and status are hardly issues in
The Equality of Zion."
Of course they weren't, or they weren't
supposed to be anyway. The Equality of Zion assumed, however, that every adult
contributed to the community through active involvement in a profession
perfectly tailored to that person. Full-time homemaking didn't figure into the
equation at all and therefore claimed zero status. So much for status not being
an issue in The Equality of Zion.
Sara struggled to keep her voice calm. What
in the galaxy was she doing here? "All right, then obviously we're talking
about part-time versus full-time community service. In that case, the terms 'hobby'
and 'profession' hardly apply."
"Most people would disagree. They
would say that the more time a person invests in a vocation, the more seriously
he or she is likely to take it. So I ask you again, Sara, how does it make you
feel that Cameron thinks of journalism as a hobby rather than a
profession?"
"Since Cameron and I agree that my
primary focus will be homemaking and motherhood, I can hardly find fault with
his suggestion that writing is something I would do in my spare time."
"Spare time? With eight children?"
Was Ben trying to provoke an argument
between Cameron and her? Or was he just dense? "My mother does all kinds
of things she likes to do."
"Certainly she's a busy woman. Where
does she find the time?"
"I don't know. She sets priorities, I
guess. One day she may work especially hard to get the laundry done. Another
day she may let several baskets of clean clothes stack up in the kitchen while
she goes to help with play practice at the school. She and Dad may fold them
later, or she may have one of us do it, or she may wait until the next day. On
days with good weather, she takes the little ones outside to play and reads,
which may mean some other housekeeping project gets put off for another week or
two. Sometimes she works in the yard, but usually she pays my younger brothers
and sisters to do it instead."
"It sounds as if your mother makes
time for herself by settling for a home that is not as clean and orderly as it
might otherwise be."
"Our house was never immaculate, it's
true, but with ten people going all different directions, I'm not sure having
an immaculate house would be possible, even if my mother spent all of her time
cleaning. My father would rather have a wife who reads a lot than a perfect
house anyway, because he's read everything and loves to discuss books."
"Describe for Cameron, Sara, a house
that is 'never immaculate.'"
Perhaps discussing this issue was
necessary, as painful as it was. Sara couldn't look at Cameron. She didn't
doubt he had grown up in a show house. Sometimes she wished she had grown up in
a show house, then reality pinched her and she realized she wouldn't be any
more comfortable living in a show house than she would be wearing a suit and
dressing up like a business woman. What did Cameron expect of her in this
regard? What did she expect of him? What did she expect of herself?
Sara gazed at Cameron's hand cupped around
hers. "Eternal laundry. Eternal modeling blocks. Toys on the floor or in
baskets in the living room. Books everywhere. Tape in the carpet or no tape to
be found anywhere in the house because little guys have used it all up on their
projects. Drawings taped by those same little guys to the wall next to the
front door, left there because Mom thinks they're beautiful."
Sara watched Cameron stroke her fingers one
by one with one of his. "Fingerprints on the computer and TV screens. Lots
of noise. A Christmas tree covered with kid-produced ornaments and Christmas
cards and letters written by the ten-year-old aspiring writer of the family.
Lakes and mud streaks on the kitchen floor and coats piled high in front of the
door on snow days since half the kids in the neighborhood have decided to stay
for hot chocolate."
Sara turned her hand over, reveling in the
feel of Cameron's caresses. "My mother is an artistic person, you see, and
my father's an intellectual. Well, maybe 'intellectual' isn't the right word,
but I don't know what else to call him. So, I guess it's no surprise that in my
home, everyone from the littlest to the biggest would find an equal outlet for
expression of ideas and creativity, even if it often leaves a mess. And since
my parents are both committed to the gospel and worked very hard to teach it to
us, the Spirit was always there too, or was when I wasn't giving them a hard
time. If that's the kind of home you want, Cameron, then it's something I know
how to give you. If you want a show house, we'll both be miserable."
Cameron's fingers moved to the inside of
Sara's arm, trembling. "What you describe is real," he whispered.
"And beautiful. Like you."
Sara finally lifted her head and looked at
him. He returned her gaze lovingly. Who was this man she wanted so much to
marry? In many ways he was a stranger. As enchanted as he seemed to be of the
vision she placed before him, he had no idea what it meant in practical terms,
just as she had no specific understanding of what it would be like being
married to a bishop. There was so much they couldn't possibly know yet, but the
one thing Sara did know was that whatever joys and difficulties lay ahead, she
wanted to experience them with him.
Ben's voice broke the spell. "Your
stepmother is your new role model, then."
Sara looked away from Cameron, surprised.
She had expected Ben to direct the discussion to what she and Cameron thought
Cameron's role in the marriage should be. Ben seemed to be more interested in
her attitudes toward the union than Cameron's. Why? Was he skeptical about her
sudden change of heart with regard to the Eden colony? Or was it something
else? The suspicion that Ben was interested in her romantically began bubbling
into her consciousness again. She shoved it away, struggling to reply with
composure: "My mother has always been my role model. So has my father. I
just forgot about it for a while."
"For a librarian who grew up in foster
homes and an uneducated homemaker, your parents have done quite well for
themselves. Still, I was under the impression you aspired to a more
challenging, fulfilling life."
Sara couldn't believe Ben's ability to make
a condescending comment sound like a compliment. It sounded especially cold
following the tender moment she and Cameron had just shared. She almost
retorted with an icy remark of her own, but restrained herself. She had no
desire to provoke an argument. Since she couldn't think of a single appropriate
thing to say, she sat there speechless.
Thankfully, Cameron came to her rescue.
"If I could achieve as much as Sara's father, I would think I had
accomplished a great deal."
Ben raised an eyebrow at Cameron.
"Sara, I believe, has more ambition than you do."
Another condescending compliment. Ben had
this type of communication down to an art form. Even so, Sara would not rise to
the bait and defend her father by telling Ben that he had read everything of
importance that had ever been written, that he knew the scriptures word for
word, that he could read and speak in dozens of different languages, and that
if he lived what many people would think was a simple life without challenge or
status, it was because he chose to do so. Her father himself wouldn't become
offended and fire back a list of his accomplishments had Ben attacked him
personally. He would aim that serene, self-assured gaze at Ben and smile in
that knowing way he had, just like the cat, and say something along the lines
of: "Since I desire to be nothing more than a baby factory, Cameron's lack
of ambition suits me."
Cameron couldn't help himself. He laughed.
"And you wonder, Father, why I want to marry her tomorrow!" He shot
Sara that "I want you and I want you now" look. It appeared
especially intimate in the dim light.
Sara melted right there on the spot. She
hoped Ben didn't intend to make any more difficult remarks. She doubted she
would be able to manage much more than a stammer from here on out.
"Are you both certain you want a hasty
wedding?" Sara forced her eyes away from Cameron's and again gave her
attention to Ben, who watched them keenly. "If you wait another month,
after the colony is firmly established, we could give you a far more elegant
celebration."
Finally the discussion had arrived at the
desired destination. Sara hoped they were almost done. She knew it had to be
late, and she was exhausted. "If I can't marry Cameron in the temple, then
I'm not going to feel much like celebrating on my wedding day anyway, whether
it's tomorrow or a month from now."
"I feel the same way," Cameron
agreed. "And I know it sounds insane, but we're both sure and ready to get
married now. Neither one of us feels good about putting it off."
Ben addressed his question to Sara:
"Have you considered the possibility of breaking off your relationship
with Cameron and going back to Earth permanently in two years?"
Go back in two years? Hadn't he believed a
word Cameron had told him about his meeting with the prophet?
"Yes . . . I have. Or did before Cameron told me that none
of us would be leaving in two years."
How could she not have thought about it?
Especially in light of her father's blessing and its promise that she would
meet her Novaunian family? She had forced herself to consider the possibility
that there might be a Novaunian husband in her future and that she should end
her relationship with Cameron. "I've thought about it and prayed about it
a great deal and have come to the conclusion that it's right to marry Cameron
and right to marry him now. A bishop needs a wife."
Ben's face was expressionless. "Do you
think the Lord will wait a week, Sara?"
"Is He going to have to?" For a
moment, Sara was afraid Ben would refuse to give them permission to marry at
all.
"Cameron, I would like to speak with
Sara for a few minutes privately."
Ben's request so alarmed Sara that she
couldn't respond. She could only think of one reason why he would want to speak
with her privately. If he really was attracted to her and wished to pursue a
relationship, he would reveal his desire now. Sara was immediately ashamed by
the thought. For two weeks she had been trying to ignore these horrible suspicions,
with varying degrees of success. Why wouldn't they just go away?
As Cameron arose, he picked up his lantern
and looked from his father to Sara, puzzled. "Uh . . . all
right."
Sara watched Cameron walk to the door,
wanting to ask Cameron to stay but knowing she couldn't do so without putting
suspicions into his mind. Once the
door closed behind Cameron, Sara turned to Ben again. The more she tried to
squelch the notion that Ben was attracted to her, the more aware she became
that they were completely alone.
His eyes delved into hers in concern.
"I really wish you would reconsider this engagement. I don't believe you
and Cameron are as compatible as you would like to think you are."
This conversation sounded familiar.
"Certainly you're not calling me a liar again?" she said, forcing a
smile. Perhaps donning a punch-drunk attitude would relax her and keep the
discussion light.
Ben smiled affectionately. "Certainly
not, since you're the most honest person I've ever known."
His smile was a little too warm, his
compliment a little too profuse. Sara made circles in the air with her hands.
"Then what sort of delusion am I suffering from this week, Doctor?"
"Ben,"
he corrected.
Sara shifted in her chair and crossed her
legs. "Let me guess," she began extravagantly. "I'm obsessed
with Cameron, and my obsession has led me to discard my desire for rational
thinking and embrace Cameron's fanaticism."
"No," Ben said gently. "That
isn't quite it. You are in love, but
not with Cameron. Cameron just happens to be in love with you and
available."
Sara's alarm sharpened into dread. If Ben
believed she was in love with someone other than Cameron, that someone could
only be he. The possibility that Ben was attracted to her was bad enough, but
he believed she returned his feelings! She somehow managed to speak through her
panic. "So you believe I'm transferring my feelings for this other man to
Cameron?"
Ben nodded.
Sara laughed nervously. "What you
suggest is absurd! There hasn't been anyone but Cameron since I was
fourteen!"
Ben hand closed around hers on her thigh.
"I'm not talking about a youthful infatuation, Sara. I'm talking about
adult love."
Sara felt as if she would suffocate. How
had this happened? She wiggled her hand out from under his, hoping he would
take the hint. He didn't. With her hand gone, there was nothing between his
hand and her thigh.
"Adult passion, Sara, for a man you
laugh with, and cry with, and confide in. A man you've known considerably
longer than you've known Cameron. A man who knows your heart and your mind and
your anxieties. A man whose heart and mind you
know."
His voice lowered to a whisper, his fingers
gingerly beginning to caress her thigh. Chills shot through Sara, and she wasn't
sure whether they were from excitement or horror. She knew she should move her
leg, but felt paralyzed, wanting to know what he would say next.
"A man whose touches make your heart
race, and your skin burn, and your body sweat and tremble. A man you can't
admit to yourself you love, because you believe he's
forbidden . . ."
Voices began whirling in Sara's head,
accompanied by memories of Ben's heart beating against hers as he held her, his
fingers stroking her cheeks and making them burn, the smell of his cologne, his
thumb resting in the nape of her neck. Everything that had seemed either
irritating or innocuous these past two weeks suddenly became significant.
"We know you wouldn't want to get
romantically involved with a married man, even unintentionally." If you wanted me to come to you, all you had
to do was ask. "My gut feeling is that he's attracted to you and can't
resist pursuing it." When he told
you that, how did it make you feel? "You are no tomboy, Sara. You are
a beautiful, intense woman capable of attracting all kinds of men, even classy,
married, former bishops." How could I forget the black-haired girl in
black spandex who sprinted with the liveliness and power of a panther?
"I'll have to say, you looked pretty hot in those spandex tights." Forgive me, Sara, but it seems a crime
against nature that such a beautiful, passionate young woman never had a
boyfriend. "I don't want us to end up disconnected like my parents. I
would be desperately lonely and unhappy." Sara . . . sweet, sweet Sara . . .
Ben's
hand had become still, and the look on his face gradually changed, becoming a
mirror of the combination of hope and apprehension that had been on Cameron's
face earlier that evening as he had waited for her outside of the dormitory.
The observation rendered Sara breathless with amazement. Until that moment, she
had not perceived how alike Ben and Cameron were, not just in appearance, but
in their expressions, mannerisms, and intensely emotional, gentle
natures--everything. Realization struck. Ben thought she was so attracted to
Cameron because Cameron reminded her of him!
What
does this man want from me? He was always so kind to her, so affectionate
and patient that she knew what he felt for her was more than physical attraction.
Am I involved with a married man? Sara
didn't know whether she was gazing at him appalled or in awe.
Ben watched her for many moments before he
smiled a little. "I've been waiting for the right opportunity to tell you
my feelings for some time." He removed his hand from her leg and scooted
his chair a little closer, resting his fingers on her arm with a caress.
"I love you, Sara."
Sara wits finally returned. She shook her
arm, flinging his hand away. "How can you say that, Ben? You have a wife
and a family."
The corners of Ben's mouth fell, and his
eyes filled with pain. "Barbara and I have been estranged for many
years."
Ben and Barbara did seem disconnected, but
this was outrageous! "Perhaps you wouldn't be estranged if you would go
home and be a husband to your wife instead of chasing college girls!"
Ben sighed. "I don't chase college
girls, Sara."
"Oh?" Sara wanted to scream, sob,
and throw up at the same time. "So this is why you wanted so much for me
to have the P.E. job. It was an excuse to give me a house so that you could
visit me there. I can't believe you would do this to me!" How in the
galaxy had she gotten herself into this mess?
Ben laid his hand on her arm again,
squeezing. "Please, Sara. Calm down. It isn't what you think. I want you
to be my wife, not my mistress."
Sara gaped at him. The thought of it seemed
preposterous, but it made more sense than any other alternative. Ben was no
more a womanizer than Cameron was. It simply wasn't in him to make love to a
woman who wasn't his wife. Not intentionally anyway.
When Sara didn't reply, Ben said softly,
"Why should that surprise you, Sara? I told you that I love you. What else
would I want? Could you really believe I was a philanderer?"
"No," she whispered, still in
shock.
"I didn't think so. You know me better
than that."
"I know that you already have a
wife."
"I told you that my wife and I are
estranged. I've been considering divorce for well over a year. Once it's
official, you and I can be married, and then in two years, we can return to
Earth and be sealed."
"Sealed?" Sara yanked her arm
away from his hand and shook her head quickly. "Don't give me that
garbage! You must really think I'm an idiot! My father's a temple worker,
remember? And you were a bishop! You know
that the Church doesn't so easily grant permission for a man in your situation
to be sealed to his second wife. It would take years if it happened at all!"
"I know that anything right will work
out."
"You're insane."
"Once Barbara learns of my feelings
for you and we start the divorce process, the two of you won't be able to work
together. That's why I wanted you to take the P.E. job."
"I thought you were a happily married
man."
"I will be once you are my bride.
"You deceived me. You deceived all of
us."
"It was a necessary deception. I knew
you would reject me if I moved too quickly, and I didn't want to make you
uncomfortable or shatter that beautiful innocence of yours."
Sara was as flattered as she was furious.
Bishop Lanham's words shouted in her mind, "Wake
up, Sara! He is dangerous to you, and in a very personal way!" Feeling
a rush of adrenaline, Sara sprang to her feet, and moved to stand behind her
chair. "As delighted as I am that a man like you would deign to notice me,
I choose to be Cameron's eternal companion, not your trophy wife."
"My trophy wife?" He appeared hurt. "Is that really what you
believe?"
She had no idea what to think about
whatever it was that had developed between Ben and her, let alone what to say
to him about it, but she had no doubts about her love for Cameron. Urgency
pressed her mind with the words, Marry
Cameron now! She gripped the back
of the camp chair. "Will you
give Cameron and me license to get married tomorrow or not?"
Ben stared at her. "You're still
determined to go through with this?"
"Yes, of course I am. Cameron's the
love of my life. He always has been. Marriage is the next natural step."
"You can't be serious."
"Of course I'm serious. Cameron and I
came here tonight to get license to marry, and I'd like to know whether you'll
give it to us or not."
"Please reconsider. You need time to
think about what I've told you."
"What you've told me changes nothing about
my feelings for Cameron."
Ben mouth tightened and his eyes filled
with resolution. "Then I'll do better than give you license, I'll marry
you myself. Tomorrow afternoon at one o'clock."
Sara hesitated, not
knowing whether Cameron would agree to the arrangement. "Cameron and I
want Tony Wright to marry us."
Ben shook his head.
"You want to sleep with Cameron tomorrow? Fine. Then I'll be the one to
perform the ceremony."
Sara tightened her
hold on the back of the chair. "I am not
a tramp!"
Ben's eyes never
left her face. "No, you're a woman of high sexual energy attracted to a
beautiful boy who's in love with you, and you're too innocent to perceive that
hormones are driving you into this silly marriage, not the Spirit."
So she was rushing into marriage with
Cameron because she was desperate to sleep with Ben, and Cameron was just the
next best man available? Was that what he thought? Ben's belief might have been
funny had it not been so disgusting and bizarre.
Sara almost shouted her outrage at him, but
refrained. Something in her head continued urging, Marry Cameron now! Something in her heart warned her that if she
argued with Ben, especially about something as intimate as her future sleeping
arrangements, she would soon be making up with him there alone in his house and
might not be marrying Cameron at all.
Sara wanted to point out that a governor
who would agree to perform a silly marriage was far sillier than the silly
bride and groom, but she said instead, with perfect calmness, "All right
then, one o'clock it is. Center Park." She turned to leave.
"Not yet, Sara. I have one more
condition."
Sara turned to face him again, folding her
arms.
"You'll refrain from becoming pregnant
for at least three months."
Blood rushed into Sara's cheeks and nausea
tore through her chest. This couldn't be happening. How dare he? "What Cameron and I decide to do about having a baby
is no one's business but ours."
Ben removed the phone from his belt and
punched in a number, his gaze never leaving hers. He lifted the phone to his
ear and after a moment said, "Cyndi, I have a young lady here who's
getting married tomorrow and needs assistance from a certified nurse
midwife."
Ben removed the phone from his ear and held
it out to Sara. Sara took it by the tip of the antenna, not wanting to touch
him. Sara pressed the phone to her ear and forced herself to say,
"Cyndi?"
"Sara? What's going on? Is it true?
Are you and Cameron getting married tomorrow?"
"Yes. Ben's going to marry us tomorrow
at one o'clock. I would have called you myself, but my new father-in-law
obviously thinks I'm a moron." She glared at him, and he glared back, his
blue eyes flashing. "Either that, or he thinks my fingers are
broken."
Cyndi chuckled. "Poor Ben. He thinks
he's too young and desirable to be a grandfather yet."
Sara moved the phone away from her mouth
and said to Ben, not sure whether her words were motivated by desire for
revenge or suicide, "She says you think you're too young and desirable to
be a grandfather yet."
Ben held himself perfectly still, but his
countenance seemed to pulsate with rage. It served him right! He would be her father-in-law and
grandfather to her children, and he ought to feel it! Sara was unable to
restrain herself from saying to Cyndi, "You know how these hot-blooded
young men are. Eventually they settle down and become wonderful
grandfathers."
"Ben will love being a grandfather when the time comes. You wait. How early
is too early tomorrow, Sara?"
"How about ten o'clock?"
"I'll see you then."
Sara pressed the button to end the call,
then dropped the phone into the camp chair. "I'll see Cyndi, but I'll make
no promises." She turned and walked to the door with as much dignity as
she could muster, trying to ignore the feeling that Ben's eyes were hungering
over her body.
Once Sara shut the door, she gasped,
shuddering again and again, feeling so weak she thought she might faint. Ben
was more than twice her age, married, and almost her father-in-law. It wasn't
right that he should be in love with her and caressing her thigh and arranging
birth control for her. It wasn't right that he thought she was in love with him
and was noticing things like her potential sexual energy. She could not face
this, but she had to face it. She had ignored the truth for too long already.
How could she tell Cameron what his father
had said and done? It would hurt him, disgust him, and possibly even enrage
him. Sara considered telling him she couldn't marry him after all rather than
subject him to that, but her mind kept screaming, Marry Cameron now! His father's behavior would wound him, but her
refusal to marry him would lay him to waste.
The light from Cameron's lantern enveloped
Sara as he approached. Sara quickly calmed herself. She would have to tell
Cameron, but not yet. His mind and body hadn't had a good rest in over two
years. She would give him the vacation of his life before she laid this new
burden on him.
"What did he want?" Cameron
asked, taking Sara's hand.
"He was concerned my feelings for you
might not be strong enough for marriage. I assured him they were, and he
finally agreed to marry us tomorrow at one o'clock."
After Cameron left Sara at the door of the
dorm, she managed to go to the bathroom and kick off her boots before
collapsing onto her mattress in the moonlit room, still wearing her jeans and
Navy shirt. No one was there, so she assumed they were all still dancing in the
dining hall. That was good. It meant she could make some arrangements without
waking anyone up.
Sara reached for her phone and searched the
directory for Tony's number. When she found it, she hit the dial button and
waited. Loud music nearly drowned Tony's curious, "Hello?"
Sara tapped her pillow impatiently.
"It's me, Tony. Go outside so that we can hear each other. This is
important."
"Sure, Sara. Give me a minute."
Sara heard Tony's voice mute and mix with others, and then it was clear.
"What do you need?"
"I need you to help me get Cameron
away from the colony for a few days."
"You want a honeymoon!"
"Well, yes, of course I do, but this
goes beyond desire. Cameron needs this--he needs it desperately--and doesn't
know it."
"I hear you. He gets home from China
and bam--he's on his way to Eden, and all anyone cares about is that he's the
fanatical bishop. It's as if he never even went on a mission. Even his parents
give him a hard time. It's unbelievable! They should be bragging about him!"
"Yeah, he really did get gypped."
"He never complains, but it must get
to him sometimes. What do you want me to do?"
"Cameron's father is marrying us
tomorrow at one o'clock." Sara stopped suddenly. Tony was already
disturbed by the way Ben treated Cameron. This new piece of information would
probably really offend him. "Please don't ask why. Neither Cameron nor I
want it this way, but Ben . . . Dr. Carroll . . .
insisted."
Tony didn't speak for several moments. When
he did, his voice was low and troubled. "You weren't exaggerating when you
said Cameron's need to get away was desperate."
"You just have no idea, Tony."
"I'll make sure he knows that Russ and
Brent and I can take care of things while he's gone."
"Thank you. And there's something else
I need you to do. After Cameron and I go to his . . .
our . . . house after the wedding, get some people together and
synthesize backpacking supplies and food for three days. Then you can leave it
outside our door that evening or the next morning."
"Will do, babe."
Sara thanked Tony and ended the call, then
removed the little album containing newspaper articles and pictures of Cameron
from one of her crates and flipped through it under the focused light of a
reading lamp, yearning for the simple times she and Cameron had shared as
teenagers. As she gazed at his senior picture, imagining his arms around her,
her phone rang.
Obviously Cameron was lonely too. She
answered the phone, shocked to hear Ben's voice instead of Cameron's.
"Sara?"
Sara's chest ached with queasiness. "I
have nothing to say to you." She pushed the button to hang up. Before she
could turn off the phone, it rang again, and, feeling like a fool, she answered
it, knowing she would regret it. "You can't do this, Ben."
"I have to do this, Sara! Please give
me a chance to apologize for what happened tonight."
"You have one minute!"
"I'm sorry I made you feel like a
tramp. You hurt me, but that was no excuse. I've never for one second believed
you were anything but pure and exemplary."
"Really?" Sara said, barely, her
eyes and throat burning. She hadn't realized how much his words had hurt her.
"Really. I'm sorry."
"I didn't mean to hurt you, but you
upset me, and I needed resolution about the wedding."
"I didn't mean to upset you. I tried,
in fact, to treat you with as much sensitivity as I could."
"I know," Sara whispered. He had been treating her with delicacy
before she had demanded to know whether he would give her and Cameron license
to marry.
"It's just that your determination to
get married tomorrow caught me completely off guard. You must believe me, Sara.
I could never look at you as a mere trophy. You must give me a chance to explain."
"Please don't do this, Ben."
"I'd like to talk to you tomorrow,
after your appointment with Cyndi. I'll meet you at the hospital. This isn't
something that can be discussed over the phone or in the middle of the night
when we're both exhausted and volatile."
"I'm not meeting you anywhere. There's
simply nothing to discuss. I want to marry Cameron."
"I'll talk to you tomorrow," he
said tenderly. "I love you, Sweet Panther."
"You can't say things like that!"
Sara said in panic, but it was too late. He had ended the call.
Sara turned off her phone and tossed it and
the photo album into one of her crates, prostrating herself on her mattress,
too drained to think or even to weep. She drifted to sleep, feeling comforted
in the knowledge that Ashley would soon return and occupy the mattress next to
hers. Having a friend like Ashley nearby helped her feel secure.
Sara slept deeply but not restfully. She
dreamed that Ben had kissed her in the moonlit grove Sunday evening, not just
once, but over and over again, prolonged, vehement kisses that filled her with
fire and shame. "Sweet, sweet Sara," he whispered between kisses.
"Little Panther . . . beautiful Sara . . .
sweet, sweet Sara . . ."
Sara tried to push him away, but found
herself clutching him closer instead, thrilled and dying for him.
In another dream, she was in his house and
they had argued, then apologized, then melted into each other's arms. Ben
kissed her lovingly, soothing her with his whispers. "I'm so sorry,
Sara . . . I would never hurt you . . . I love
you, Sweet Panther . . ."
Then Sara was sitting in the yogurt shop,
feeling Ben's warm hands over her icy ones, pressed against her burning cheeks,
her body burning . . .
And she was back in the moonlit grove,
kissing Ben again, still burning, still intoxicated with desire for him and
ashamed.
"Sara . . . Sara!"
Ashley called.
"Make him leave me alone!" Sara
tried to cry. Or did she scream instead, "Go away! Leave us alone!"
"Sara . . . Sara!" Ashley said, even more
emphatically than before. The glistening moonlit grove faded and Sara awoke to
shakes and sunlight pouring through the windows of the dorm.
"Since when do you get up before I
do?" Sara muttered, guilty feelings from the nightmare lingering.
"It's nine o'clock, sleepyhead, and
Cameron's here."
Sara's senses suddenly cleared, and she
threw off the nightmare, in the process gaining terrible understanding, aching
with guilt. That evening in the grove, Ben would have tried to kiss her had
Cameron not come when he did. After everything that had happened with Cameron
during the past four weeks, she didn't think she would have allowed Ben to kiss
her, but what if Cameron hadn't come to Eden? She would have kissed Ben and a
part of her would have loved it--she had no doubt of it. He might have even
persuaded her to marry him, despite the fact that there was no way such a
marriage could ever have been what she truly wanted.
"Didn't you hear me, Sara?"
Ashley persisted. "Cameron's here!"
"Cameron's here . . ."
Sara repeated, as if she didn't completely believe it. "Cameron's
here." The guilt melted, replaced by joy. Cameron was here, and they were
getting married today. She had no reason to feel guilty for mistakes she had
never made.
Sara quickly changed and brushed her hair,
then met Cameron at the door. He was already wearing his camel-brown suit. He
led her to their date tree, then reached into his suit pocket and brought out a
small black box.
Sara gingerly touched the lid. "It can't
possibly be what it appears to be."
Cameron smiled in satisfaction as he opened
the box and displayed the diamond engagement ring with is accompanying wedding
band. "Why not?"
Sara gazed at the rings, entranced. They
weren't elaborate, nor were they plain; they were classic and perfect.
"They're beautiful!"
"Do you like them? Really?"
"Very much. Where did you get them? I
didn't think we were using the synthesizing machines for this sort of thing
yet."
"We aren't. I bought the rings before
we came. I sold my BMW to get the money." Cameron removed the engagement
ring from the box and carefully slipped it on the ring finger of Sara's left
hand; it was a little loose. "Since the buyer was someone I knew, we
arranged it so that I could continue to use the car until I left. I gave him a
good deal."
Sara might have laughed had she not felt so
ill. "The prophet told you to get married as soon as possible, so you
figured you'd better come to Eden prepared!"
Cameron closed the ring box and put it back
into his pocket. "I wrote vows for both of us too." He took folded
sheets of paper out of his other pocket. "I hope you don't care, but it's
been on my mind since my meeting with the prophet. We have no idea, really,
what my father could make us agree to if we left it to him."
Being married this way felt so wrong, but
there wasn't a thing either she or Cameron could do about it. "I never
even thought of that."
"I took it all out of the scriptures,
and it's similar to the ceremony I'll perform for the other colonists who get
married."
"Can't we just repeat the words of the
basic ceremony?"
"I'm not comfortable with that. It may
not be a sealing ceremony, but it is an ordinance, a beautiful one, and I'm
afraid that tampering with it would amount to something close to blasphemy.
Under the circumstances, this is the best way." Cameron unfolded the
papers and presented them to Sara.
Sara waved the papers away, shaking her
head. "I'm sure whatever you've come up with is fine."
Cameron refolded the papers and slid them
back into his pocket. "Are you sure you still want to go through with
this?"
Sara kissed him lightly. "I'm
sure."
Cameron withdrew from the kiss, smiling.
"You get your things packed and ready to go, and I'll have Brandon and
Adam take your trunks to our house. We'll start inviting everyone to the
wedding. We aren't going to give my father a chance to change his mind."
*
Sara managed to eat some crackers and drink
something similar to apple juice at the dining hall that morning, but it didn't
make her feel any better. Had Ben been present, she didn't think she could have
eaten anything at all.
No one had expected to be attending a
wedding that day. Some were shocked, some were bewildered, and some were amused.
After Cameron made the announcement, Ashley said to Sara, marveling, "I
expected you to propose to him, not pounce on him!"
Sara couldn't help but smile. "I can't
restrain myself. Your brother's irresistible, the prize of my life."
"Leave it to a couple of sprinters to
race fast and furiously into marriage!"
"Let's just hope we both make it to
the finish line before we collapse."
*
After breakfast Cameron walked with Sara to
the little hospital office Cyndi temporarily shared with the physicians with
plans to visit the wounded while Sara met with Cyndi. They arrived without
incident, and Sara finished talking with Cyndi an hour later, her mini backpack
stuffed and some of her anxieties calmed. She wondered how long it would be
before she began visiting Cyndi for prenatal care. She knew the time was close,
but the thought still seemed strange.
Cameron met Sara outside Cyndi's office to
walk her back to the dormitory to shower and change. When she saw him, she
embraced him tightly, whispering compassionately into his ear, "It's
tragic you have no one like Cyndi you can talk to."
"I have you, who talked to Cyndi, and
I have half a trunk of books about marriage in my office."
Sara withdrew from Cameron slightly, her
eyes widening. "Half a trunk?"
"I had to have instruction books to go
with the ring and the calling."
"You really are prepared!"
Cameron offered his arm to Sara as they
began walking. "I asked my grandmother to give me some titles of books
about marriage and parenting, because I knew anything she recommended would be
good. She gave me a couple of them from her own library, and I bought the rest.
When I told your father what she had recommended, he agreed that her choices
were excellent and gave me a list for at least fifty more!"
Sara moaned, slipping her arm through
Cameron's. "It figures!"
"Your father really is a walking
library, Sara. He's incredible. Some of those books he recommended have been
out of print for years! When I left the temple on Saturday, I found a box in my
car with many of the books he had recommended and about twenty discs he had
recorded himself."
Gratitude warmed Sara. "He really is
incredible. It was so nice of him to do that for you."
"He did it for you too."
"I really wish he could be here."
"So do I. I wonder how he gets what's
in his mind onto computer disc."
"He's had a particular laptop computer
for as long as I can remember that no one touches, even my mom. Maybe he has
everything recorded in there."
"A computer that records
thoughts?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"That's so incredible!"
Sara saw Cameron's father first,
approaching them from the direction of Center Park. He was dressed in his
nicest jeans and a sky-blue polo shirt. Everything about him looked immaculate
and anxious. He didn't appear at all pleased that Cameron was with her.
Sara's heart raced and her hands began to
sweat. She couldn't deny it. On some level, she really did love him. Memories
of the dreams poured over her, thrilling and infuriating her.
Sara blushed. Ben watched her with
compassion, appearing a little relieved. She tried to avert her eyes but couldn't.
How dare he awaken these feelings in her! He was a married man and she wanted
to marry his son! He had no right to do this to her or to his family!
"Good morning, Father," Cameron
said cheerfully. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it? Perfect for a
wedding!"
Ben smirked. He looked as though he wanted
to say, "Cameron, you poor fool," but instead he said, "It is a
beautiful day. Your mother's feeling left out of these arrangements, son, and
wants to talk to you." He motioned in the direction of their home beyond
Government Grove. "Why don't you go to her now, and I'll walk Sara back to
the dorm."
Sara couldn't believe how smooth Ben was.
She scowled at him, folding her left arm across her waist and resting her hand
on Cameron's arm with a squeeze, as if to reinforce her hold on him.
"Actually, Father, my understanding is
that Mother and Ashley are waiting at the dorm for Sara now with plans to help
her get ready for the wedding, so it appears I'm already heading in the right
direction."
Ben's eyes rested uncomfortably on Sara's
diamond ring, then rose again and looked directly into her eyes. "You're
not looking well, Sara," he said quietly. "You don't have to do
this."
Sara didn't want to talk to Ben at all, but
she knew that only she could speak the desires of her heart in a convincing
way. "I want to do this."
Ben gazed at her gravely. "Are you
absolutely sure?"
Sara met Ben's gaze with as much solemnity
as she could muster. "I've never been more sure about anything in my
life."
Ben stroked his chin with his left hand,
and Sara was shocked to see that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. His
sky-blue eyes shimmered in an abnormal way. "I'm afraid I feel inclined to
postpone the wedding until you're feeling better."
Seeing Ben so hurt immobilized Sara with
grief. How could she reject him? How could she not? Anger stabbed her. How could
he put her in this hopeless position?
Please, Heavenly Father, tell me what to say! Moments passed, and she heard
herself speak with mildness, yet assuredness, "One way or another, Cameron
and I are getting married today. You've already given your permission; Cyndi
will vouch for that. The only question is, will you be the one to marry us or
will Tony?"
Ben dropped his eyes, pondering. When he
finally looked at Sara again, he said, "If you're still determined, I'll be the one who will marry you today.
I'll see you in Temple Park at one o'clock."
Feeling dazed, Sara watched Ben walk away.
She wondered what would have happened had Cameron not been with her. Once Ben
was gone, Cameron turned to Sara, his face pale and solemn. "My father
wasn't wearing his wedding ring."
"Maybe all of those books my father
gave to you aren't just for us."
"I just hope it isn't too late for
them."
"So do I."
*
Ashley and Barbara were waiting for Sara at
the dormitory as Cameron had promised, both perfectly polished in their Sunday
clothes and sitting in camp chairs near her mattress. Seeing Barbara brought
new anxieties. Barbara should have been part of the discussion the night
before. What did she think about the suddenness of the wedding? What had Ben
told her? How could she face Barbara after everything that had happened?
When Ashley saw Sara, she jumped up and
hurried toward her, slipping her arm under hers and directing her to her
mother. "We've packed most of your things. I hope you don't mind, but we
didn't think you would want to deal with it."
"No," Sara said in relief. It was
one less thing to think about. "Thank you."
Barbara stood and reached for Sara's hand,
her expression queer. "Let me see this diamond of yours."
Sara held out her left hand, feeling
uncomfortable. How was she supposed to explain the ring to Barbara?
"Cameron surprised me with it this morning."
"It's lovely," Barbara said,
releasing Sara's hand. Her eyes filled with tears, and she averted them,
embarrassed. "Obviously the young man who calls himself my son has
excellent taste."
Barbara's discomposure alarmed Sara. She
was usually so elegant and poised. Sara didn't know what to say. "He
learned it from you, I think."
Ashley, too, appeared troubled by Barbara's
discomfort. She looked at Sara helplessly and shrugged.
Barbara quickly wiped away her tears.
"Please excuse me, Sara. I'm not prepared for this."
"I'm sorry it has to be this way,
Barbara," Sara said with feeling. "It's just that everything is
strange here. Cameron really does need to be married."
Barbara nodded. Once she managed to look at
Sara directly again, she tried to smile. "I do understand. I thought it
was odd to begin with that the Church would call a young unmarried man to such
a position."
"We all did," Sara agreed.
Barbara squeezed Sara's arm in a familiar
way. "I had a good feeling about you and Cameron when you were introduced,
and I felt it even more strongly when he blessed you. Perhaps that is what is
so unsettling. We should have known about you long ago, but instead, you appear
out of nowhere and instantly step into this intimate role Cameron has been so
meticulously preparing for you, preparations he has concealed from us as
effectively as he once concealed you. My mind and emotions are reeling. I am
tempted to shake Cameron and demand, 'Who are you and what have you done with
my son?'"
"He hasn't changed that much,
Mother," Ashley said gently. "And he really didn't conceal Sara from us when he was in high
school. Adam and Brandon and I could see that he was hopelessly in love with
someone, but since he and Sara had never even said 'hi' to each other, he had
nothing to tell us."
"Then tell me why it was that you
three could see it so plainly and I, his mother, could not."
Ashley shook her head. "I don't
know."
Sara had never dreamed that Cameron's
inability to communicate with her in high school had disturbed Barbara to such
an extent, and she adored Barbara for it, all the more because her perspective
was so different from that of her husband. "Sometimes brothers and sisters
see things parents don't. Every now and then my brother Josh made cracks about
Cameron. The night Ashley and Brandon and Adam came to my house, Josh bragged
that he was the only one in the family who had figured it out."
Ashley grinned. "We did have fun
harassing you."
"It still breaks my heart to think my
extraordinary son was so shy that he couldn't even say 'hello' to a young woman
he liked."
"Really, Barbara, Cameron is no more
shy than you ever thought he was," Sara assured. "Neither one of us
are. We were both insecure around each other to be sure, but it was more
misunderstanding that prevented us from speaking to each other than anything else."
"Still, I can't help but think that if
I had known enough to give him any encouragement in that direction at all, he
would have brought you home to us a long time ago."
"It breaks my heart too," Ashley
whispered.
"And now this same distressingly insecure
son is showing shocking initiative by giving his fiancée a diamond he should
not possess and insisting he will get married today, after only a month of
courtship. I can't help it. I'm baffled."
"You should go and talk to Cameron
about it right now, alone." Sara
embraced Barbara. "Please. Cameron needs it as much as you do, believe
me."
Barbara held Sara affectionately for
several moments, then pulled away with a nod. "I will. But not now."
She looked at her watch. "The two of you are supposed to be getting
married in an hour and a half, and we need to get you ready! You're absolutely
certain you want to do this today?"
"Yes, I'm sure. It was my idea."
"Cameron sincerely did not push you
into this?"
Sara shook her head. "He wouldn't do
that. He's never been anything but a perfect gentleman."
Barbara's face relaxed in relief.
"Mother brought a dress you can wear
if you would like," Ashley said, motioning to a clothing bag laid out on
Sara's mattress. "It's beautiful, but I told her you would choose another,
so don't make me a liar."
Barbara lifted a short-sleeved, tea-length
dress covered with creamy white lace out of the bag and held it up for Sara to
inspect. It looked like something Barbara might have worn to a wedding or an
elegant luncheon.
Sara ran her fingers gingerly over the
lace. It had the feel of silk. "It's gorgeous. I've never worn anything
this beautiful in my life!"
"It will do for a wedding dress, I
think," Barbara said with satisfaction.
Sara nodded and murmured her agreement,
then looked at Ashley in question. She wore an expression of satisfaction
identical to that of her mother except that her green eyes sparkled knowingly,
as if she and Sara shared a secret. She lifted the lid of one of Sara's trunks,
revealing Sara's cobalt blue knit skirt and shirt lying neatly folded on top of
the other items.
"You cleaned it?" Sara burst out
in delight. The synthesizing technology made cleaning and repairing clothing
easy, but fifty girls had only one such cleaning machine to share for the time
being, and Sara hadn't wanted to hassle with cleaning the blue dress when she
had two other outfits that were already clean.
"Of course. It's my wedding present to
my brother. What do you think he would want? An elegant bride or a hot
bride?"
All Sara could think of was Cameron dressed
in white and lying prostrate on the temple altar, sobbing because knew he
wouldn't be able to have his own temple marriage for many years, perhaps
decades, his reflection echoing eternally in the sealing room mirrors. "He
wants a temple bride," Sara said barely, her voice shaking, the nauseated
ache in her chest feeling as if it would explode.
Sara ran to the little bathroom and leaned
over one of the toilets, gulping air. Nothing came.
Eventually Sara felt Ashley kneel against
her back and rest her hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Sara."
"You have nothing to be sorry
about." She forced herself to sit up. "Oh why can't I just throw up?
Maybe these horrible feelings would be released with everything else."
"Perhaps it would be better if you get
married another day," Barbara said tentatively. "It wouldn't hurt to
give yourself time to adjust to the idea of having a civil wedding."
What Barbara suggested made sense, but Sara's
mind and spirit continued shouting, Marry
Cameron now! "If we could wait a little longer, I probably would, but
we can't." Sara reached for a tissue to blow her nose, catching a glimpse
of the diamond ring Cameron had given to her. She gazed at it, reminded of
Cameron's love for her and hers for him and how much they needed each other
now. "There'll be time enough to adjust after the wedding."
With Ashley's help, Sara stood up and waved
the other two women out of the bathroom so that she could take a shower.
"I'll bring you a towel and shampoo," Ashley said before shutting the
door.
"My Royals shirt and sweatpants
too."
Ashley smiled. "Of course!"
Sara emerged from her shower ten minutes
later, refreshed. After she slipped into her Royals shirt and sweatpants,
Barbara and Ashley sat her down in a camp chair and began combing and blow
drying her hair. She so loved the feel of them working with her hair that she
almost allowed them to curl the ends. She had only curled her hair once or
twice in her life, however, and didn't want to present herself to her groom
looking like someone she wasn't.
In the end, Sara did choose to wear the
cobalt blue dress, as Ashley had known she would, and Sara relented and allowed
Ashley to tell her mother the significance of that particular outfit.
The corner of Barbara's mouth lifted a
little. "Why didn't you just tell me about the dress to begin with,
Ashley? I wouldn't have even bothered with the other one!"
Sara looked at herself in the one little
mirror they had and was pleased. "Cameron likes this on me so well I
really ought to have other outfits like it synthesized."
"You should," Ashley insisted.
"Bright blue-red and deep green and even black. You would really look chic in black."
"Chic?" It was word Sara would
never have thought to describe herself.
"Cameron says hot, and I say
chic." Ashley's face was adamant in the mirror next to Sara's. Ashley
gripped Sara's shoulders from behind, as if she wanted to shake her. "Look
at yourself! You are chic. We'll have
to have lapis earrings made to go with this dress."
"Lapis?"
"It's a deep blue mineral, the same
color as this dress and your eyes."
"That would be better than these
silver studs," Sara admitted.
Barbara moved Sara's hair to the side and
tucked the dress tag under the fabric where it belonged. "And we'll have
malachite ones made to go with the green dress and onyx to go with the
black."
Sara remembered her father's ring.
"Speaking of jewelry," she said, breaking away from Ashley, "I
need to dig Cameron's wedding ring out of my box before Brandon and Adam get
here."
"You have a wedding ring for
Cameron?" Barbara responded in astonishment as Sara knelt next to one of
her crates of belongings.
"The night before we came, my father
gave me his wedding ring from my mother to give to Cameron." Sara
carefully delved into the crate, reaching into the bottom right-hand corner,
where she had put both of her parents' wedding rings and the box of arelada.
"He spent a lot of time with Cameron in the temple and knew that as long
as I wasn't too dense to see how perfect Cameron and I were for each other that
we would be getting married soon."
Ashley wrapped the mirror in a blanket and
set it next to her mother's dress bag. "He did tell you not to be an idiot
and that you should say yes when Cameron proposed. I thought he was
joking!"
Sara brought out the little box containing
the rings and rearranged everything else back on top of the case of arelada.
"He definitely wasn't joking."
Barbara took the ring box out of Sara's
hand and opened it. "It sounds as if there is even more of a story here
than I thought."
"I'll tell you what I can of it after
Brandon and Adam come for my stuff." How different everything might have
been had Barbara heard the whole story the night before with her husband!
"What beautiful rings, Sara!"
Ashley said. She touched the ring that had belonged to Sara's mother. "Was
this your mother's ring? Why don't you wear it?"
Her mother's ring was beautiful, a diamond
set in white gold, surrounded by tiny diamonds and emeralds. Her father had
given it to Sara on her eighteenth birthday. "I like to look at it, but it's
always seemed like sacrilege to actually wear it."
Barbara took the ring out of the box and
held it out to Sara. "I have a feeling your mother would want you to wear
it, especially today."
Sara held her right hand out to Barbara,
smiling at her tenderly. "Would you do the honor, Mother Number
Three?"
Barbara returned Sara's smile with equal
tenderness. "I'd be delighted, Daughter Number Two."
Brandon and Adam showed up at the dormitory
about twelve-thirty to pick up Sara's trunks. Having nothing else to do inside,
Sara, Barbara, and Ashley moved their chairs outside to talk and wait for
Cameron, who was supposed to walk them to Center Park at twelve-fifty. After
Brandon and Adam disappeared into the woods, Sara told Barbara and Ashley what
the prophet had told Cameron about his future wife and what some of his
feelings had been at the time.
"So I was right," Ashley said to Sara in satisfaction.
"Utterly and completely," Sara
agreed. "The wife in Cameron's mind was me, even though it had never
occurred to him that I might actually be a part of the colony. When he first
saw me at the stake center, he knew I really was the one. He's certain my
parents knew it too."
Sara went on to tell them about the time
Cameron had spent with her father in the temple and what her father had told
him about her two mothers. "So you see, it really isn't strange at all
that Cameron would buy a wedding set for me or that my father would give me a
wedding ring to give to him."
Barbara chuckled. "It sounds as if
they ganged up on you, Sara."
"If Sara wasn't so crazy about
Cameron, she might think the same thing!" Ashley observed.
"What would Sara think?" Cameron
asked as he approached them, carrying a bouquet of wild flowers.
Sara jumped up to meet him. "That you
and my dad conspired to make me your wife."
Cameron presented the flowers to Sara,
smiling. "We don't have to get
married today."
Sara handed her flowers to Ashley and threw
her arms around Cameron. "Conspire away, sweet king," she murmured,
kissing him. Cameron wrapped his arms around her, pressing her close, returning
her kisses with zeal.
"Stop it, you two!" Ashley said,
sliding her free hand between them in an attempt to pry them apart. How Ashley
had come to be in that position at all, Sara had no idea. "Save it for the
honeymoon."
Cameron pulled away from Sara slightly, his
face alive with anticipation. "You are so
beautiful!"
Ashley shoved the flowers at Sara, shooting
her a knowing look. "Mother and I are happy you're thrilled with your
bride, Cameron, but you really must stop drooling all over her. You're
embarrassing us!"
Barbara stood up. "Stop teasing your
brother, Ashley. He's sweet." She folded the camp chair she had been using
and tucked it under her arm. Ashley did the same.
Sara slid a hand under Cameron's arm, and
Cameron tipped his head over his shoulder and said to Barbara, "I'm sure
Father was the same way on your wedding day."
Cameron's comment surprised and impressed
Sara. It was penetrating and bold and yet completely innocuous. Barbara didn't
respond immediately. When she did, her voice was soft. "Actually, he
was."
Cameron appeared pleased. "That isn't
hard to believe, Mother, since after twenty-two years of marriage you're still
drop-dead gorgeous!"
Sara too felt something close to relief.
Ben had been in love with Barbara when he married her. Certainly he still felt
something for her. Perhaps there was a chance their marriage would survive
after all.
"Do you really believe that,
Cameron?" Barbara asked, her voice quavering.
Cameron stopped abruptly and turned to face
his mother. Sara turned too. Tears shone in Barbara's eyes. "Of course I
do, Mother," Cameron assured. "Have I ever lied to you in my
life?"
Barbara shook her head, forcing herself to
smile. "I'm sorry. This has been an emotional day for me." She waved
them forward with both hands.
Dread seized Sara as she turned and began
walking again with Cameron. She felt as if she were picking at the bandage
covering a mortal wound and that any moment, the bandage would fall off and the
wound would be exposed in all of its ugliness, a wound she didn't want to admit
existed, much less see.
As they approached Center Park, Sara heard
classical music being played on the electric keyboard, Debussy's "Claire de Lune." Sara turned to
Cameron in surprise. "It's beautiful, Cameron. Was this your idea?"
Cameron smiled knowingly, turning to face
Ashley and his mother. "Who else would have been planning a wedding for
the past month?"
Barbara hugged Cameron as well as she could
while holding a folded chair and kissed his cheek. "You didn't have to do this alone."
Cameron gazed at Barbara solemnly.
"But I did, Mother. If I had asked you for help, I would have had to tell
you everything, and it just wouldn't have been right to tell you before I told
Sara."
Barbara gently pounded Cameron's chest.
"Fortunately for you, I do understand."
"I told her what I could," Sara
conceded, wondering more than ever why Barbara hadn't insisted on being a part
of the conversation the night before. She obviously wanted to know what had
been discussed.
Cameron glanced at Sara. "That's
good." His gaze returned to his mother. "I really wish you had been
with us last night."
Barbara hesitated. "Did he interrogate
you?"
"To put it mildly."
"I knew he would, and I was equally
certain that I wouldn't be able to endure it."
"If Sara and I could endure it,
certainly you could have!"
Barbara shook her head. "You know that
your father and I have not seen eye to eye on your relationship with Sara. We
would have argued, and nothing would have been accomplished."
Cameron gently squeezed his mother's arm.
"Thanks for your support."
Barbara smiled softly. "I may not be
completely prepared for this, but I'm happy about it. I really am."
"Are you going to be all right?"
"Don't worry about me. Concern
yourself with your bride." Barbara looked Sara's way in understanding and
affection. "She's more disturbed by what's happening here than I am."
Ashley hugged Cameron and whispered
something in his ear that Sara couldn't hear, then backed away. "We still
plan to give you and Sara a party."
"Just not today," Cameron warned.
"If anyone disturbs us before tomorrow, it had better be because someone
died."
Ashley's mouth quivered as if she were on
the verge of laughing. "Don't have a cow! We'll wait a week or two, and no
one will die." She gave Sara and Cameron a little wave, then headed into
Center Park with her mother.
When they were gone, Cameron smiled at Sara
nervously. "Are you ready?"
Sara nodded quickly, a rush of excitement
submerging the dread. "I love you."
Cameron kissed her gently. "I love you
too." Music by Debussy ended, and "Love One Another" began
playing. "That's our cue," Cameron said, leading Sara into the
clearing. She saw immediately that Tony was the one at the piano and was
pleased.
Ben stood near a cluster of dogwood trees
near the piano, his hair an even richer gold than normal in the few rays of sun
that escaped through the branches, his face unsmiling but dignified. Sara
relaxed. Ben didn't want her to marry Cameron, but he didn't intend to protest
the union publicly. In the brightness of the afternoon, with the beauties of
Eden so tangible around them, Ben didn't seem like a threat at all.
The colonists, scattered around the
clearing among the ornamental trees, flowering shrubs, and clumps of
wildflowers, arose from their camp chairs and watched in delight as Sara and
Cameron strolled to their position in front of Ben. As they came closer to Ben,
Sara became aware that his gaze was too ardent, too concentrated on her
personally. And he was wearing his wedding ring again. So either he hadn't discussed
divorce with Barbara yet, or they had decided to keep this information from the
colony for the time being. Either way, Sara felt as if she had been deceived.
The brightness and beauty of the afternoon
seemed to fade away, and nausea seeped into Sara's chest again. Ben's eyes
swept over her, meeting hers again in possessiveness and penetration. She felt
naked under his gaze, as if he knew what she had been dreaming about him, and
she glared at him, gripping Cameron's arm even more tightly. Ben pressed his
lips together in a way that suggested he was struggling not to shout his
displeasure.
The nausea surged more violently through
Sara, and she leaned against Cameron, her arm finding his waist, feeling weak
and almost unable to stand. She wondered if Cameron would notice his father's
attention to her. She glanced at Cameron and saw that he was gazing at her in
concern. "We don't have to do this today, Sara."
Sara drew closer to him and whispered in
his ear, "I need you now, Cameron. This lack of privacy is killing
me."
Cameron nodded. "I need you too."
The music stopped and Ben said loudly,
"Welcome Family and Friends to the wedding of my son Cameron Benjamin
Carroll to the lovely Sara Sekura Avenaunta Alexander. You may all be seated.
We'll begin with a prayer."
Sara bowed her head and closed her eyes,
Ben's flowery phrases flowing around her and sometimes stinging.
". . . We're so grateful for this unique opportunity we
have to build Zion on this beautiful planet. We're thankful for the intimate
ties we've formed and the values we share . . ."
Sara knew Ben was directing his words
specifically to her, even now urging her to reconsider her decision to marry
Cameron. Had she not loved Cameron so much and known without a doubt that the
Lord wanted her to marry him, she couldn't have gone through with it.
"We ask thee to bless this couple with
fertility and the wisdom to use this priceless gift appropriately, always
remembering that children will be more likely to be a source of joy if they are
invited into a family with discretion and intelligence."
Sara thought she felt movement under her
feet. Was she fainting? Her eyes flew open. No. She glanced around the clearing
as well as she could and saw that everything was as it should be.
That Ben would ask the Lord to bless her
and Cameron with fertility irritated Sara. Ben certainly hadn't acted as if he
wanted them to be fertile when he had demanded she refrain from becoming
pregnant and then dialed Cyndi's number! A part of Sara wanted to become
pregnant right away just to spite Ben, but she knew that spite was no reason to
have a baby.
On and on the prayer went, and Sara had to
shift her weight from one foot to the other to keep her legs from going numb.
She had a feeling Ben had decided to give an abnormally long prayer as a way to
stall the wedding. Sara's arm dropped from Cameron's waist to his side, then
clutched his elbow. Cameron himself shifted his position. Just when Sara
thought she would be forced to sit down right there on the ground, Ben ended
the prayer.
"Cameron, Sara," Ben said,
looking from one to the other, "This is truly a momentous moment in time,
not just for you, but for the colony. Think of it! Your marriage is the first
to be solemnized in the colony. This wedding will be the first vital statistic
of any kind recorded in the colony's official documents. Your children will be
among the first native-born Edenites."
Sara would not, could not look Ben in the
eyes. She studied his feet, holding the bouquet of flowers close to her face,
hoping the scent would keep her attentive enough to prevent her from
embarrassing herself.
"As the first married couple of your
generation, you will undoubtedly be looked to as role models by your peers. It
is, therefore, critical that as you humbly accept these roles, you do
everything in your power to live the ideals of The Equality of Zion, thereby
encouraging happiness and unity."
Nausea boiled within Sara more fiercely
than ever. Ben knew that Cameron didn't believe in The Equality of Zion. Was
this his way of reminding her that she and Cameron really didn't agree on much
at all? That their desire to marry was motivated more by hormones than the
Spirit or even love? It was awful enough that she and Cameron couldn't be
married in the temple, but Ben's disgruntled attitude made what could have been
a beautiful wedding into torture.
"From this day forward, you will be an
inseparable team, moving forward with love, determination to excel, and a desire
for equality in all aspects of your life. In everything you do together, seek
for consensus, the supreme state in which all of your decisions are the result
of compromise stemming from tolerance for the other's ideas and desires."
Sara again felt movement in the ground, but
this time, it persisted. Everything around her was a surreal blur. What in the
galaxy was happening?
"An earthquake!" someone shouted.
"An earthquake?"
"Here?"
Sara immediately understood. Ben had said,
"From this day forward, you will be an inseparable team, moving forward
with love . . ." The planet knew every bit as well as she
did that Ben didn't believe Sara loved Cameron. Ben had deliberately made a
claim he didn't believe was true--had essentially lied--and Eden wouldn't stand
for it.
Suddenly concerned that Ben would say
something else idiotic and that another earthquake might just end the wedding
right then and there, Sara turned to him again, hissing, "Finish it!"
It wasn't until she heard her voice in stereo, however, that she realized
Cameron was demanding the same thing and in the same tone of voice.
Ben held his hands out to Sara and Cameron.
"Now that is consensus!" Everyone laughed.
Eventually Ben proceeded to the next part
of the ceremony. "Cameron and Sara have chosen to write their own vows,
which they have taken primarily from Genesis, 1 Corinthians, and
Ephesians."
Ben directed his next words to Sara and
Cameron. "Please face each other and take each other by the right
hand."
Turning toward Sara, Cameron removed two
half-sheets of paper from his suit pocket and gave one of them to Sara, smiling
as he took her hand. She unfolded her paper, gazing at him lovingly.
"Now, Sara, go ahead and state your
vows. Speak loudly and slowly so that everyone can hear you."
Sara's paper shook in her trembling hand as
she looked down at it and began to read:
"I, Sara Sekura Avenaunta Alexander,
agree, before God and these witnesses, to take you, Cameron Benjamin Carroll,
as my lawfully wedded husband, with a promise to revere you, my own husband, as
the Lord.
"I promise to bind my heart to yours
in charity, always remembering that charity suffereth long, and is kind;
charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
"Doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
"Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but
rejoiceth in truth;
"Beareth all things, believeth all
things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
"Charity never faileth."
Sara relaxed, the nausea diminishing a
little. The passages of scripture were so perfect for the situation. She did
need to go into this marriage with an attitude of charity, not just toward
Cameron, but toward his family, especially his father. She glanced up at
Cameron in appreciation. He watched her face with expectation and appeared
relieved that she was pleased.
"You, Cameron, are now bone of my
bones, and flesh of my flesh. I shall leave my father and my mother, and shall
cleave unto you and no other for the remainder of my mortal life, with a
promise to keep myself worthy to be sealed to you in the temple in the due time
of the Lord."
Sara folded her paper. In coming to Eden,
she had, in a literal way, left her parents forever. She didn't know how it
would work or what exactly it meant, but she did understand that her father
would receive his eternal inheritance with the Novaunians, while she, once she
was sealed to Cameron in the temple, would receive her inheritance with Cameron
and Earth. How much had it cost her father to give her his wedding ring and
encourage her to marry this Earthman?
Even as those unsettling thoughts entered
Sara's mind, she knew that in this decision, she was pleasing her father. Her
father didn't just approve of Cameron, he loved him and believed he was worth
the cost. Sara smiled at Cameron, her spirit glowing with gratitude to the
Lord. Cameron was wonderful and well worth the cost, and despite the sorrow and
other strange emotions of the past two days, she felt blessed.
Cameron smiled at Sara and, receiving the
go-ahead from his father, began stating his vows. He held his paper, but he
didn't look at it, preferring instead to rest his eyes on her.
"I, Cameron Benjamin Carroll, agree,
before God and these witnesses, to take you, Sara Sekura Avenaunta Alexander,
as my lawfully wedded wife, with a promise to love you, my wife, even as Christ
loved the church, and gave himself for it."
Cameron went on to recite the verses from 1
Corinthians regarding charity, and finished his vows in the same way that Sara
had. "You, Sara, are now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. I shall
leave my father and my mother, and shall cleave unto you and no other for the
remainder of my mortal life, with a promise to keep myself worthy to be sealed
to you in the temple in the due time of the Lord."
Ben's voice had never sounded so beautiful
as when he proclaimed, "As governor of the Eleventh Eden Colony, I
pronounce you husband and wife."
The ceremony hadn't been a sealing, but
Sara felt as though binding herself to Cameron until death was incredibly
significant all the same. She inhaled deeply, attempting to fight back the
nausea. Now that she and Cameron were married, she felt she could handle
anything. Why, then, did she still feel so ill and uneasy?
"You may now share your first kiss as
a married couple."
Sara moved the flowers Cameron had given
her into her right hand, then lobbed them in the direction of a large group of
her roommates. As her roommates sprang out of their chairs with gasps of
delight, Sara melted into Cameron's arms. He gave her a kiss to die for, and
Sara couldn't help but be thrilled, despite her feelings of uneasiness.
Sara and Cameron withdrew from the kiss to
cheers and applause. Ben announced without enthusiasm, "Eleventh Colony, I
present to you Mr. and Mrs. Cameron Carroll!" Then to Sara and Cameron he
said, "Go ahead and exchange rings. Then we'll sign the papers. It looks
as if your Uncle Trevor has already signed, your mother also."
Sara motioned to Ashley, who quickly
supplied the wedding ring that had belonged to Sara's father, then backed away
a little. Sara slipped the ring on Cameron's finger, showing him the one from
her mother that matched. It fit his finger perfectly.
After Cameron slid the ring he had for Sara
onto her finger, his father extended his arms to Cameron for an embrace.
"Congratulations, son," he said, kissing Cameron's cheek and patting
his back. "She really is an extraordinary young woman, precious and
beautiful."
Sara stiffened. What should have been an
innocent compliment sounded sinister. "Thank you, Father," Cameron
said, then turned and motioned to his mother and brothers, inviting them to
join him.
Cameron embraced Ashley as Ben held out his
arms to Sara. He wore the same sad little smile she had seen so often on
Cameron's face. "Welcome to the family, Sara."
Sara froze. Ben didn't think of her in a
fatherly sort of way, yet everyone would think it odd if she didn't embrace
him. What in the galaxy was she supposed to do? Her chest ached ominously. If
she let him give her a quick hug, that would be the end of that, and what
should be a private matter would remain that way.
At the moment Sara decided she would allow
the embrace, she realized she couldn't do it. After what had passed between her
and Ben, it wasn't possible. Sara finally opted to extend her hand to Ben. She
forced herself to smile. "Thank you . . . Father."
Ben stared at Sara as if she had stabbed
him. She watched him in agony, unable to move. Ben's eyebrows rose, and then he
shifted his gaze to the audience. He chuckled mischievously as he took Sara's
hand. "My beautiful new daughter wants to shake hands, as if I'm nothing more
to her now than her stuffy old professor." Everyone laughed.
Sara's mouth dropped open in mortification.
How could he do this to her? To Cameron? Before Sara knew what was happening,
Ben was pulling determinedly on her hand and drawing her into his arms. She
might have struggled had she not been so shocked. He dropped her hand and
placed his hand dangerously low on her back, pressing his body against hers. He
kissed her cheek, whispering with emotion, "Please stop fighting it,
Sara."
With this kind of full-body contact, it was
impossible for Sara not to feel his excitement. Why was everyone laughing?
Couldn't they see that he was hugging her in a way no virtuous father would
ever hug a daughter? No. They were too far away. Even Cameron was occupied
embracing his little brothers and had no idea what his father was doing. Sara
shuddered and shuddered again. She was going to throw up. She shoved Ben away
and ran.
Sara didn't get any farther than the back
of the cluster of dogwood trees before she collapsed to the ground, violently
expelling what little she had in her stomach. Moments later, she felt Cameron's
hands pull her hair out of her face. Sara heaved again, and again.
Sara gasped and then spit several times,
finally leaning against Cameron, shivering uncontrollably. As Cameron carefully
wiped her mouth and nose with tissues, Sara said weakly, "You sob all over
the temple altar and I puke in the bushes. We're quite a pathetic pair, you
know."
"A legally and lawfully wedded
pathetic pair."
Sara stood up, feeling more relieved than
anything. She now knew, without a doubt, that she wasn't physically attracted
to Ben Carroll. The potential was certainly there and might have developed had
Cameron not come to Eden, but Cameron was with her and they were married. What
might have been simply didn't matter. The dreams truly had been nothing more
than dreams.
Sara longed to throw her arms around
Cameron but didn't dare. "I must look disgusting," she moaned.
"Do I have little red dots on my face?" A rash of red dots always appeared when she was sick to her
stomach.
Cameron removed his jacket and helped Sara
into it, fastening the buttons. "You could never look disgusting. You are
as beautiful as ever, red dots and all."
The jacket's warmth soothed away Sara's
shivers and partially covered the wet spot on her shirt, helping her regain
some of her dignity. With her dignity came outrage. How could she have ever
thought that vile man was righteous? He sure had a lot of nerve!
Cameron walked Sara toward a shady spot
under a different tree. "You wait here for a few minutes while I get the
documents."
"Thank you." She had no desire to
face anyone in the colony just yet.
Moments after Cameron disappeared behind
the trees, Ben emerged from behind the same trees and strode toward her.
Knowing Cameron would soon return and that this encounter with Ben would be
brief, Sara braced herself for the confrontation.
Ben stopped about a yard away. "You
don't have to go through with this, Sara. It isn't too late to call it off. We
can stand in front of the colony right now and void your marriage to Cameron.
We'll all look a little foolish to be sure, but no one will be
scandalized."
Sara shook her head with all the adamancy
she could muster. "I have no intention of calling it off. Cameron went to
get the documents."
"Please reconsider. Were this marriage
truly the right step for you, don't you think you would be feeling better about
it?"
The situation was beyond belief. Sara would
have laughed had she not been so exhausted. Ben thought she was ill because her
subconscious was telling her that she didn't want to marry Cameron! "I'm
feeling fine about the marriage. It's your advances that have made me
ill."
Ben smiled a little. "You're not
making any sense, Sara. We've known each other for many months, and the
physical chemistry between us has never made you uncomfortable."
Sara folded her arms and glared at him.
"Then obviously there's been a misunderstanding. Apparently the thing I
regarded as simple affection you regarded as physical chemistry. Forgive me for
being ignorant, but it doesn't seem right that you would court me without my
knowledge and without giving me all of the facts!"
"I would be more than happy to give you
the facts, Sara, if you would let me."
"You should be talking to Cameron, not
to me."
The corner of his mouth rose in contempt.
"How in the world could a puritanical boy even comprehend my marital
problems, much less provide any sympathy or support?"
Relieved to see Cameron approaching them
with the marriage documents, Sara declared, "That man is your bishop." She moved past Ben and didn't look back.
"And he may not have any practical experience with marriage yet, but he
obviously knows quite a bit more about how to treat a woman than you do. You
could learn a lot from him."
Sara heard Ben follow her. "How can
you say that, Sara, after everything I've done for you?" He sounded
offended.
She smiled at Cameron and said through her
teeth, "You should be doing things for your wife, not for me. Go home to
Barbara, Father, and leave me alone!"
Cameron handed the clipboard containing the
documents to Sara and looked at his father in question. "I was concerned
about Sara," Ben responded as Sara quickly signed the marriage
certificates.
"I think Sara will be fine once I take
her home. Uncle Trevor will be here in a few minutes with the aircar."
Sara handed the clipboard and pen to Ben
and waited for him to sign, pleased that Cameron had insisted on recording
their marriage the old-fashioned way. Once she and Cameron had that
certificate, nothing Ben said or did could separate them.
Ben held the pen a half-inch from the
paper, hesitating. His turbulent blue eyes gripped Sara's, begging her to
change her mind.
"Please, Father," Sara said
softly. "I'm tired and want to go home."
Ben signed. Sara immediately took her copy
of the certificate and handed it to Cameron.
A few minutes later, Trevor Carroll
whooshed into the clearing with an aircar. "Our limo has arrived,"
Cameron said. He helped Sara into the backseat and slid in next to her, drawing
her close. Sara relaxed in Cameron's arms and laid her head against his neck,
refusing to look at Ben.
The aircar glided away over the trees to
the accompaniment of whoops and whistles from the other colonists. Within five
minutes, Cameron was carrying Sara over the threshold of their little home. It
was one of the medium-sized models, 800 square feet, and like the other
buildings in the colony so far, it had no inner walls other than those that
enclosed the bathroom and the master bedroom.
Cameron pushed Sara's trunks out of the way
with his foot as he stepped into the house. "Sorry about that. I did tell
Brandon and Adam that they were allowed to take your boxes into the
bedroom."
"If I or any of my brothers or sisters
had ever taken bags of groceries all the way into the kitchen and actually set
them out of the way, my mom would have died of shock."
"Would you like a tour?"
"Please!"
Cameron pointed her to the left. "That's
our baby's room."
Sara had believed she wanted to have a baby
right away, but these new developments with Cameron's father had smothered her
desire. She had no idea what to do and knew she needed to decide before Cameron
began kissing her and the heat of the moment made the decision for her. After
several moments, Sara said without enthusiasm, "I could be pregnant
tomorrow." She yearned to talk to her father. She was grateful for the
general information he had given to her, despite the fact that she had not
wanted it at the time, but now she needed specifics. Ten minutes alone with him
and she would have her answers.
Cameron kissed her gingerly, then smiled,
ever so slightly, those gorgeous aqua eyes plunging deeply into hers. "Don't
worry about it," he whispered. "This isn't a decision to make with a
cloudy mind and an empty stomach. You can eat, then take a nap, then eat again,
and then we'll decide what to do."
He told her they would have to wait for
several more hours, all the while looking at her like that! Sara couldn't help
but feel this was a new form of torture. "I'm not sure I want to wait that
long."
Cameron's smile broadened. "I'm
certain I don't want to wait at all, but I'm also certain I want you to be
completely present at such a momentous event." Before she could reply, he
spun her around and pointed her to the right. "And that is our living
room."
"And a very spacious living room it
is!" Sara said, feeling more relaxed already.
Cameron walked across the empty living room
area, deeper into the house, and stopped at a door. "And this is the
bishop's temporary office." Sara opened the door and peeked in. The office
contained a camp table, which she assumed Cameron used as a desk, and on it
rested a set of brown leather scriptures and a laptop computer. There were also
three camp chairs and many crates, most of them opened, full of church books
and supplies. There was a door to the outside on the far side of the office.
Cameron had already hung his collection of pictures on the walls, which
included photographs of the Washington, D.C. and Oakland, California temples,
two Boy Scout posters, and several quotes in Chinese calligraphy. Sara wondered
if they were scriptures.
"Could we move the calligraphy to the
living room?" Sara asked.
"Sure, if you'd like."
"This is a nice room," Sara said,
tapping the door shut with the tip of her shoe. "You're privileged, I
think. Most of us were only allowed to bring two crates containing our personal
belongings, and no other unit I've seen has an office like this attached."
Cameron shrugged. "The colonists by
and large respect the office of bishop, and I do need a place where I can meet
with people privately. Once we get a meetinghouse we can make this room into
whatever we want. A combination exercise room and office maybe. Gotta have a
place where my wife can pump weights and write."
Sara kissed Cameron's cheek. "I like
that plan!"
Cameron moved a few steps into the far
right corner of the house. A small camp table stood there with two camp chairs,
the only furniture Sara had seen so far other than the table and chairs in the
bishop's office. "And this area will be our kitchen, and that is our teeny
tiny bathroom, and there, next to the bathroom door, is our one precious
electrical outlet."
Sharing a bathroom and an outlet with only
one other person would be luxury. "It's wonderful, Cameron," Sara
said with feeling. "It still amazes me that we're all living as well as we
are when we've been here less than a week."
Eventually Sara knew they would get their
own synthesizing machine for producing food, another for producing small
non-food items, and still another for cleaning and repairing clothing. The
synthesizing machines produced water, recycled waste materials, and generated
energy to be stored in the home's batteries, thereby providing power for the
house. Once the synthesizing machines and batteries were all in place the home
could be completely wired and plumbed. After the basic work was done, they
would begin getting real furniture and other luxuries.
"I hope we can get the big
synthesizing machine fixed soon so that we can get everything up to
standard." Cameron moved to the left and into the master bedroom through
an open door. Both windows were open, making it breezy and bright, the
shimmering green leaves of the trees surrounding the house making the room come
alive. Cameron's mattress was a queen-sized one and neatly made with its white
sheets and blankets. Cameron's trunks rested against the left wall, and a
lantern stood on the simulated wood floor next to another set of brown leather
scriptures.
"It's all so beautiful, Cameron,"
Sara said softly as he gently set her down on the mattress. She thought about
the baby's room, the queen-sized bed, the white siding and black shutters, and
the size of the house, which, considering Cameron's unmarried status upon their
arrival on Eden, should have been much smaller. "I feel as if this entire
house was created with me in mind and that you didn't intend to put any of
yourself in it at all, and yet, in creating it completely for me, you've put
your whole self into it in a way that it's radiating both you and me. Does that
make sense?"
Cameron nodded. "This is your house,
utterly and completely. You belong here with me. It's the natural order of
things."
"We're alone, Cameron. Can you believe
it? We're actually alone!"
Cameron knelt over his trunks. "Not
for long, babe. Mother said she would bring some soup for you. I have some
fruit and sandwiches, but I don't think you're ready for that yet." He
handed her a present wrapped in gold paper.
Sara took the present from him in surprise.
"Do you want me to open it now?"
"Absolutely."
He watched her intensely, his smile a
little too mischievous. What in the galaxy was it? Sara tore the paper off the
box and opened it to find a red silk robe, exquisitely embroidered with
dragons. She uncovered matching slippers as she lifted the robe out of the box.
"Cameron, it's exquisite! Thank you!"
"In Asia, it's called a 'happy coat.'
It will make me very happy to see it
on you."
Sara ran her fingers over the embroidery,
chuckling. "You certainly weren't planning to marry a 'sweet, saintly girl'
when you purchased this!"
"I guess that all depends on how you
define 'sweet and saintly.'"
"Do you have one too?"
"Of course. But mine is gold."
Cameron moved toward the door. "Change out of those filthy clothes, and I'll
see if I can find your toothbrush and pillow."
Cameron shut the door to the bedroom behind
him, leaving Sara more amazed than ever at what a gentleman he was. She laid
Cameron's suit jacket on top of one of his trunks, then slipped out of her
shoes, hose, and dress and into her new Chinese 'happy coat,' reveling in the
luxurious feel of it against her skin as she wrapped it around herself. Finally
she took off her earrings and put them in one of her shoes.
Once Cameron returned, carrying one of her
trunks and the pillow with the toothbrush and toothpaste lying on top, Sara
forced herself out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and clean
herself up. By the time she was finished, Barbara had arrived with the promised
soup and crackers.
Barbara knocked on the door and said
loudly, "Room service!"
Cameron and Sara laughed. Cameron opened
the door for his mother and motioned to the table and Sara. Barbara set the
tray in front of Sara, then embraced her.
"Thank you, Mother," Sara said.
"Any time, and I mean that,"
Barbara said as she withdrew. "Call me when you need something to eat, and
I'll bring it to you. I forbid you to rejoin the colony until Friday, or maybe
even Saturday."
"We couldn't possibly stay away that
long!" Cameron protested.
"Of course you could. Your wife needs
you now more than the colony does."
Cameron rested his gaze on Sara, stunned
and overjoyed, then embraced his mother tightly. She laughed at him and slipped
away.
Sara ate slowly, feeling strength seep back
into her body. Cameron took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, then stepped
out of his shoes. "Four days, Sara. Can you believe it?"
"Are you sure we're not
dreaming?"
Cameron wrapped his arms around Sara's
shoulders and kissed her neck. "You feel too real to be anything but a
dream-come-true, Sara Carroll."
Sara leaned against him, rubbing her cheek
against his. "I love you, Cameron."
"I love you too." Cameron
positioned the other camp chair so that it was right next to hers and sat down,
caressing her arm as she ate. When Sara finished eating, Cameron led her to the
bed and lay down next to her. He rubbed her head, her neck, and her shoulders,
kissing her hair and murmuring his love to her until she floated into a
peaceful, exhausted sleep.
*
The next thing Sara knew, she was sitting
on a couch made of white satin, embroidered with gold threads in intricate
designs. She had to be dreaming. There was no other explanation. The Eden
experience had been a nightmare, nothing more, and now she would rest in this
quiet place until she woke up under her mom's denim quilt surrounded by her
mother's art posters.
Something was missing, however, an
important piece of herself she wasn't willing to give up. She glimpsed the red
silk robe sleeve draped over her elbow and the diamond rings on her left hand
and knew. Cameron. Sara sat up a little straighter, looking around for Cameron.
Certainly she hadn't dreamed him too. No. Cameron was real. And if Cameron was
real, so were Eden and its impossible governor.
Sara didn't see Cameron, but she did see
two figures approaching her from a distance, emanating light. She knew them
immediately. Astonished and overjoyed, she sprang off of the couch and sprinted
to them.
The woman wore her light brown hair in
intricate braids, woven with strands of diamonds, emeralds, and sapphires. A
faceted stone, set in silver, hung from a chain on her forehead and radiated
light in the colors of the rainbow. Diamonds, emeralds, and sapphires
embellished her long-sleeved white satin gown under sheer drapes of white silk.
The young man at her side wore a short-sleeved shirt with a standing collar and
a half-vest that fell to his knees, his clothing intricately embroidered with
gold thread and rubies. Two pairs of lapis-blue eyes gazed out of the beautiful
faces with delight that equaled Sara's.
Mother!
Sara cried with her mind. She stopped in front of the woman. She wanted to hug
her, but something inside of her told her it wasn't possible. I can't believe I'm face to face with you. I
just can't believe it! And you're so beautiful. You look like a Greek goddess!
Her mother laughed merrily. A Greek goddess? Maybe in my nightmares! I'm
a Novaunian woman, nothing more, nothing less.
Sara
turned to the young man who had her father's face and build and her mother's
deep blue eyes and light, ash brown hair. And
you! I knew I would have had another little brother, but I don't know your
name. Her mother had been eighteen weeks' pregnant when she died. Dad never named you.
No, but Mother did. I'm Jaunel, Sara. His mouth pulled into a grin that
reminded her of Aaron. Congratulations! I
like Cameron. He's almost as funny as Father is.
Sara
nodded, smiling. But not as funny as
Josh.
No one is as funny as Josh. He's insane!
And he's not the only brother who could see a long time ago that you were in
love with Cameron.
Josh would claim that you've been viewing
me from an unfair advantage and would still take credit for being the only one
in the family who figured it out!
And
he would be right. Disappointment filled Jaunel's eyes. There is so much to communicate, but I can't
stay. You and Mother have much to discuss. Farewell for now! He blew Sara a kiss and walked quickly away.
Sara turned to her mother, whose laughter
had faded into a bittersweet smile. You
are so beautiful, Sara. And so grown up. I know this has been a difficult day
for you, but in my eyes and in the eyes of your husband, you are a perfect
bride.
I'm so glad you're here, Sara burst out in relief. There's so much about myself I need to
know. Suddenly afraid her mother would disappear as quickly as Jaunel had,
she asked, Is my body really as fertile
as I believe it is? What should I do about having a baby?
Her mother began strolling, and Sara walked
alongside her. Short of sterilization,
there is nothing you can do at the moment to prevent yourself from becoming
pregnant. When you are intimate with your husband, you will conceive.
Sara
felt the truth of her mother's words, but she didn't feel a sense of relief
yet. What had she gotten herself into? Was she completely out of her mind? I'm not sure that's the answer I wanted.
Her mother chuckled, but not unkindly. Your anxieties are natural but unfounded.
Conceiving and bearing a child will bring you such joy you will wonder why it
ever occurred to you to worry about it.
So I should just relax and enjoy my
husband. It was
what Sara had decided to do and what she had felt was right. Why had she
second-guessed herself? Why hadn't she been able to disregard Ben's intrusion
into this private area of her life?
Yes,
and you will enjoy him. Provided you can dispose of your fears, this should not
be a difficult adjustment for you. Your mind is fighting the inevitability of
this next step in your life, but your spirit is literally on fire with the
desire and readiness for motherhood.
Her
mother's information astounded Sara. So
Ben was right. From an Earthon point of view, I really am a woman of "high
sexual energy." They arrived at the glimmering white couch where Sara
had awakened and sat down.
You
are a normal Novaunian woman, with a body that has been superbly programmed for
both fertility and intimate pleasures and a spirit on fire to put that body to
use. These desires and the ability to satisfy them are typically stronger in
Novaunians that they are in Earthons. They are blessings the Lord has bestowed
on our race for both living the law of chastity and for abiding by the command
to multiply and replenish the galaxy.
Really? Sara communicated in wonder. That is so incredible!
Yes, it is.
How exactly am I designed differently from
Earthon women?
Structurally you're perfect and chemically
you're potent. Your cycle is an enhanced version of that of an Earthon
woman--you ovulate more often and when fertilization takes place, the chemical
changes in your body will begin immediately to prevent another conception.
That's bizarre! And amazing! It's hard to
believe such fertility could really be normal.
Her
mother laughed gently. You're of a race
of Eves, Sara, a model of perfect physical womanhood. But this should be no
surprise to you. You have known for some time that, in a physical way, you are
gifted.
Sara
nodded thoughtfully. I suppose you're
right. I have known. She hesitated. I
know it was right to marry Cameron, but it would seem we are grossly
mismatched. Then again, Cameron was as close to physical perfection in a
man as Sara had ever seen. Still, his body was not programmed to live for two
hundred years unless his parents were Novaunians incognito.
No,
not really, her mother assured.
Cameron is a man of great faith, imagination, and vision, what he would call
"expansive thinking." If he were not such a man, he would not have
been called to be the Eden Colony's bishop. I don't claim to understand the
Earthons in great depth, but I do know that the Lord blesses them as He does us
as they live the laws, either in this life or the next. By marrying you,
Cameron will receive many of these higher blessings in this life. By the same
token, in marrying him, you will receive many of the blessings that will come
to the Earthons before they come to us.
Really? Like what?
Your
resurrection and eternal kingdom. Novaun will not pass into terrestrial glory for
another thousand years.
Perhaps
this was one of the reasons her father hesitated to return to Novaun. After
living on the verge of the Second Coming for so long, it was only natural he
would want to remain on Earth and see it through. Then those really are great blessings.
Her
mother nodded. In many ways you already
have the spirit of an Earthon. She smiled. This desire you have to sprint through life is definitely an Earthon
quality, or at least it is a quality possessed by this generation of Earthons.
The current generation of Novaunians dislikes sprinting. Their life race is far
too long and the scenery surrounding them too beautiful. They prefer to stroll.
Her
mother's vivid images felt like ones her father would have appreciated. She
marveled at how like her father's mind her mother's was and yet didn't. This
was the way it was supposed to be. Feeling the rapport that existed between her
parents even after such a long separation gave Sara comfort. She and Cameron
possessed their own unique rapport, and now that they were married, it would
blossom. It seems I married correctly in
even more ways than I thought.
And believe me, Sara, as time passes, you
will grow more aware of the many blessings the Lord has given to you. Her
tone of thought was wistful. You will want to have a large
family, just as your father hinted at in the blessing he gave to you. This
desire will not seem natural to your Earthon friends, but it will feel natural
to you. There will come a time when the mere thought of stopping at ten or
fifteen will fill you with grief.
Sara
realized that she and her mother were communicating with emotions as well as
thoughts. She could feel her mother's sorrow at not being able to have more
children and something else. Guilt? Frustration? Regret? She longed to wrap her
arms around her mother and comfort her as she mourned. She didn't know what to
communicate.
Sara's mother shook her head, barely. Please don't feel you have to communicate.
This is something we need to discuss. Out of loyalty to me, there are things
your father would not have told you, even if you had pressed him. But I want
you to know, because I want you to be better than I was. The reality is, my
inability to have more children as a mortal woman is one of the prices I'm
paying for my mistake.
What? For eating honey? It wasn't your
fault you died. It was just one of those things.
No, Sara. My mistake was insisting your
father and I go to Earth to begin with.
Sara
didn't like the thought that her mother had made a mistake that had ended her
life prematurely. But Dad explained this
to me. He said you didn't come to Earth against the counsel of the "High
Prophet."
Her mother sighed. It wasn't the counsel of the High Prophet I
rebelled against. That much is true. I did, however, rebel against the counsel
of your father. He felt very strongly that we should not go and we argued about
it for months. I really wanted to go and thought he was just afraid. His father
thought we should go too. Between the two of us, your father didn't have a
chance.
You and I are alike, then. The discovery filled Sara with
grief. Poor Dad.
Her
mother nodded sadly. Once we arrived on
Earth, I made your father's life even more difficult. Life was so corrupt and
primitive there that I hated it. I realized my mistake right away but it was
too late. I was trapped there for ten years, but instead of working to move
forward, I withdrew into myself and became depressed. I was alone with you
during the day and didn't have much contact with the people around me.
Since your father and I could not transfer
our memberships in our Order to memberships in the Church we had to join the
Church upon our arrival. We couldn't tell anyone but our bishop our true
status. The women in the ward tried to reach out to me, but they believed I was
a new convert. It was an innocent belief, but it irritated me. I felt grossly
misunderstood and couldn't warm to them.
What was worse, your father adapted well to
our new life and grew to love Earth. It was an irony I couldn't accept; it made
me feel incredibly inadequate. So deeper and deeper I sank into depression. I
have no doubt that my emotional state weakened my health. Perhaps if I had been
happy, I would have been strong enough physically to fight the illness.
As
much as Sara wanted her mother to be alive, she wasn't sure how she felt about
the prospect of never having known her Earth family. And we would all be on Novaun together now and I would never have known
my mom--Teri--or my grandparents in Kansas City, or David and my other uncles
and their families.
No,
and you would probably be married now to a nice Fleet boy from Shalaun instead
of your sweet returned missionary from Greenwood.
Peace
poured over Sara. Your decisions have
affected us all, she admitted, but I
don't seem to have suffered much. My life on Earth was happy.
And your life on Eden will be happy too,
despite the fact you should have remained on Earth with your father and Teri.
That is the beauty of the Atonement. You repent, accept the consequences of
what you have done, and move on, and by the Lord's miraculous power, life's
tangles work themselves out.
Sara
nodded, feeling a determination to ascend out of her confusion and
self-condemnation and look forward to a future of joy with Cameron and their
zillions of children. I will work to be happy on Eden. I promise.
Sara's mother smiled. And you and Cameron can give me lots of beautiful grandchildren.
Surely, though, I don't have to have thirty
children in thirty years? Or do we Novaunians not have a way to put space
between our children?
Her
mother laughed. Thirty children in thirty
years would be too much for the healthiest of Novaunian women! Don't worry
about it. There is no reason to kill yourself in this effort. After you have a
baby, as long as you're breast-feeding several times a day, you won't become
pregnant. If you don't choose to breast-feed or want a longer break between
pregnancies, you can keep yourself from ovulating through telepathy.
Her
mother telepathically gave her images of what needed to be done. Sara
understood instantly. I would need
arelada.
You
have arelada, her mother reminded.
Dad
told me to wait a week to use it.
He was right to give you that advice, but
the danger that concerned him does not exist.
So I can use it now?
Yes. If you choose, you may try using it to
prevent yourself from becoming pregnant, although you should not put too much
confidence in its effectiveness yet; you are, after all, very new at this. You
should certainly begin the exercises your father explained to you. And there
are divine laws governing telepathy as there are divine laws governing
sexuality.
Her mother related the divine laws of
telepathy to her instantly, and Sara understood their purpose. How will I know when I should try
communicating with the planet-spirit?
You will know. Sara's mother stood up, as if she
were preparing to leave. The arelada your
father gave to you is more important than you realize. You should wear one of
the necklaces everywhere you go and practice as often as possible. And before
the day is over, hide the extra stones.
Where?
Away
from your house but still on your property. Just don't forget where you put
them!
Sara
didn't want her mother to go, and yet she wanted to feel Cameron's arms around
her again. I love you, Mother. Thank you.
I love you too, sweetie. Her mother blew her a kiss, the
jewels in her hair and clothing glittering in the light as she backed away from
the couch.
*
Sara awoke abruptly. A breeze swept over
her face with the scent of pine. She could feel Cameron's arms snugly
encircling her waist, his face cradled in the curve of her neck, his breath
warm against her skin. Judging by his even breathing and lack of movement, Sara
assumed he was asleep.
Sara lay motionless, enjoying the serenity
of awaking in Cameron's arms and treasuring the memory of the meeting she had
just had with her mother. Somehow her mother had communicated with her in her
dreams. She had never imagined the answer to her prayers would come in such a
glorious way, and she directed her thoughts to heaven in thanks.
She wished her father were near so that she
could tell him about it, and yet she knew that if her father were near, she
would not have needed her mother. Thinking of her father reminded her of how
cruelly she had treated him and her stepmother, and she knew that she did not
deserve the spiritual manifestation she had received and that it had come more
as an answer to Cameron's prayers than hers.
Even as she criticized herself, she could
almost feel her mother's thoughts again, reprimanding her: Didn't you assimilate a thought I
just communicated to you?
Sara
breathed deeply. Stop it Sara! she
ordered herself. Stop it right now!
What person in the galaxy wasn't worthy to get counsel from his or her own
mother?
A pang of hunger tore through her, then
tore again. Sara carefully rolled out of Cameron's arms and onto the floor. She
would eat before he awoke, then come back to bed and surprise him. She stood
up, tightened the sash on her new robe, and went into the kitchen to find the
sandwiches Cameron had told her about.
After wolfing down three sandwiches, two
pieces of fruit, and two quarts of water, Sara drifted into the baby's room.
She floated around the area, hugging herself, her imagination constructing a
crib, a rocking chair, and cat-like cries coming from . . .
what? A boy or a girl? Would his or her hair be pale gold like Cameron's or
black like hers? Or something in between?
Eventually Sara noticed Cameron leaning
against the wall that separated the master bedroom from the kitchen/bathroom
area, his arms folded across his chest, his shirt sleeves dangling unbuttoned
on his stomach, his air one of tranquility.
Seeing Cameron so relaxed and at peace
filled Sara's heart with joy, and Sara knew more strongly than ever that
marrying Cameron that day had been the right thing to do and that she didn't
want to wait to become pregnant. "We're going to have a baby," she
bubbled. "Isn't it wonderful?"
Tohmazz Zarr invited his sons and Admiral
Harman Sanzanal into his suite. Admiral Sanzanal bowed. Request permission to communicate, Divine One.
Granted.
My spies have confirmed our suspicions.
Nexyun and Jaxzeran have joined forces and are preparing to attack. They should
be here in ten days.
Zarr focused on Jahnzel, his young but
brilliant Prince of Defense. Are we
ready?
Jahnzel shook his head slowly,
his brown curls brushing his shoulders. No,
sir. I advise you to take cover in Teton Colony.
*
Tuesday after his shift at the temple, Trendaul
did an endowment session and spent time in the celestial room, silently begging
God to tell him what to do. When he left the temple late that afternoon, he
still had no answer. Reluctant to return home and face Gavaun just yet,
Trendaul sat down on a bench and gazed at the visitors' center, only half-aware
of the people coming and going from the temple.
Hours later, or so it seemed, Trendaul
heard words in his native language: "I've come to bring you home,
brother."
Trendaul looked up and saw Sharad.
"What was that?"
"You have visitors--Eric and Natalie
Lanham and their children. Teri was going to send Josh, but I told her that I
would enjoy the walk."
As Trendaul moved away from the temple with
Sharad, lurid curiosity drove him to ask, "Well? Let me have it. If you
were Trendaul Avenaunta, Novaunian expatriate, what would you do? Would you
remain on Earth or return to Novaun?"
Sharad hesitated. He hadn't expected this
question.
Trendaul glanced at Sharad as they walked,
pleased he had thrown the boy off guard. "Go on," he urged. "I'd
really like to know."
Sharad thought about Trendaul's question
for many moments. Finally he said, slowly, carefully, "If I were Trendaul
Avenaunta, Novaunian patriot and devoted husband to an Earthon woman, I would
return to Novaun alone to be debriefed, thus fulfilling my duty, with the
intention of coming back to live the rest of my life on Earth. I would, in
fact, agree to return to Novaun only on the condition that Gavaun would bring
me back, even though I know Novaunian Fleet has closed Earth
indefinitely."
"Interesting theory," Trendaul
said, not about to admit to Sharad that he had been considering this
alternative.
"Once I arrived in Shalaun, however,
and spent time with my family, I would realize how inane my fears had been and
would want to stay. As soon as possible, then, I would return to Earth with the
intention of bringing my wife and children back to Novaun, but as I and my
brother entered Earth's atmosphere, we would be shot down or vaporized as an
enemy vessel. My parents would lose their two eldest sons, the Fleet would lose
two valuable officers, and my children would lose their father. This would
especially hurt Sara; she needs my help and doesn't know it, and now I will
never be able to give it to her. My wife would not only lose me, she would lose
her peace of mind, because she would never know what had happened. She's always
been secure in my love, it's true, but a tiny part of her mind would wonder
whether I had decided to remain on Novaun without her."
Sharad's vision unnerved Trendaul, and he
couldn't bring himself to speak for a least a minute. Dry leaves crunched on
the sidewalk as he walked, and his breath was frosty. When Trendaul finally
spoke, he asked, "Am I really so lacking in common sense?"
"I'm not sure. I do believe your mind
is a maze, and I don't think God ever meant life to be as complicated as you
seem to like to make it. Remember the 'straight and narrow path?'"
"You and Gavaun amaze me,"
Trendaul said. "You both employ shock tactics to get me on that frigate,
but the dark images you're using to jolt me are so different!" Why should
he listen to either one of them?
"I didn't intend what I said to be a
shock tactic. The prospect of your remaining on Earth fills my heart with fear.
Your position is precarious, brother. I believe that if you stay, you will soon
die."
Trendaul's first urge was to laugh, but he
restrained himself; Sharad was too serious. "I have easily avoided the
Zarrists for three years, and now I'm living in Zion! Certainly I'm safer now
than I was a month ago."
Sharad shook his head. "Your temple
communities may provide safety to the average person who is unwilling to submit
to Zarr's new world order, but they aren't fortified well enough yet to protect
someone like you."
Trendaul's desire to laugh disappeared.
"I've been too careless since you and Gavaun arrived," he muttered.
"That has to stop."
"A decision to be more careful isn't
going to be enough."
Sharad's certainty puzzled Trendaul. "What do you mean?"
"Zarr already knows about you; I'm
sure of it. He sees you without seeing you."
"You believe he is aware of me
personally but doesn't yet perceive the fact that I'm a Novaunian agent? Is that
what you're trying to say?"
"Yes. I began believing this after we
watched the video of Sara's races. You have put yourself in a great deal of
danger by allowing her to lead a public life."
Trendaul didn't want to take the time to
point out that Sara's publicity had begun before
the Zarrists had arrived. Had he forced her to stop competing, his decision
would have created far more publicity than it would have stopped.
"Certainly, though, Zarr doesn't care about a collegiate sprinter!"
"Perhaps not, but what if he does? She's
young and athletic and therefore a potential warrior. Her brilliance would make
her a good officer in his space fleet. My understanding is that the Earthons
have women fighting in their military organizations. Am I correct?"
Trendaul nodded, feeling troubled.
"And what about David? The leader of a
brigade of naval officer candidates? If I were Zarr, I would want him. Wouldn't
you?"
Sharad's observation made sense--too much
sense. Could Zarr have his eye on David? The idea was ominous! "Yes. Of
course I would. David would be an outstanding addition to any military
organization." Trendaul couldn't believe he had been so blind. "I
should have seen this on my own."
"David has received publicity too,
then?"
"He has. It started when he was a
freshman, when he resigned to serve a mission after an outstanding baseball
season as well as an excellent academic year. Now that he's the brigade
commander, he has a higher profile than Sara ever did."
"Then Zarr and his admirals know about
him. Guaranteed. And unless his intelligence officers are complete imbeciles,
they know of your existence too. One way or another, brother, your time on
Earth is almost over."
Trendaul felt numb. "Gavaun doesn't
believe Zarr will be much of a threat to anyone after the invasion."
"Of course he doesn't. He has the
typical Fleet attitude that Earth will pass away too soon to ever be a
significant galactic power. What do you believe?"
Trendaul suddenly felt cold. He shoved his
hands into his coat pockets. "That the typical Fleet attitude is
naïve."
Sharad nodded slowly. "I feel it too.
Clear into my bones. But I'll be the first to admit that my feeling is a mere
hunch. Yours comes from a deep understanding of the Earthons."
"I think you're very
perceptive . . . or paranoid."
Sharad chuckled. "All intelligence
officers are perceptive and paranoid.
If we weren't, we would be mere librarians."
Trendaul couldn't help but laugh. A woman
wearing a down vest over a sweat suit jogged by, which ended Trendaul and
Sharad's conversation. After the woman passed, Trendaul couldn't bring himself
to speak, despite the fact that the streets of Kensington were
uncharacteristically deserted. He felt unsafe in a way he hadn't since Krista's
death and knew, deep in his heart, that Sharad's fears for him were justified.
*
Trendaul turned off the light and dropped
into bed, his body exhausted but his mind alive in a feverish way. He drew Teri
close as she cuddled up to him under the comforter. "What are we going to
do?" he asked, feeling desperate.
Teri's voice was strained. "Your
brother would tell you that your duty is to go back to Novaun."
"What if he's right?" Trendaul
still couldn't bring himself to tell Teri that Gavaun had ordered him to return
to Novaun.
"Maybe he is, but I still don't like
his attitude. He won't even consider the possibility that remaining on Earth is
the right thing to do. If he had his way, you would have no choices at
all."
"Do you think staying on Earth is the
right thing to do?"
"I don't know. I really don't. But I
do want it to be an option."
"My brother thinks we should have
returned to Novaun ten years ago."
Teri kissed him. "You made a decision
ten years ago that allowed me to remain with my family a little longer. I'll
always be grateful for that."
"I believed at the time that it was
the right decision."
"Then you have to keep believing it!
If you second-guess that decision now, you'll just confuse matters more."
"I am very confused, Teri. In remaining here, I finished my work and you
gained time with your family, but we lost Sara. Was what we gained worth the
price we paid? I can't believe it was. How can I not second-guess the decision I made?"
Teri held him tightly. "I can't
believe we've lost Sara. I can't. Saturday evening you said we should have
faith in Cameron. Well, maybe it's time we started having some faith in Sara.
And in ourselves as parents."
"Do you really think we did the right
thing in keeping her heritage from her?"
"What choice did we have? We didn't do
it only for your safety, but for Sara's social assimilation. It was the only
way to give her a childhood anywhere close to being normal."
Trendaul stroked Teri's hair, winding her
curls around his fingers. "She would have had a normal childhood on
Novaun, with her own people."
"No she wouldn't have. After spending
ten years here, she wouldn't have been a normal Novaunian child."
"You're right," Trendaul
admitted. "She wouldn't have been. Or at least that is what I've been
telling myself for the past ten years to console myself for staying here. At
the moment, I feel very selfish."
"Tren, when you and Krista came to
Earth, you changed your life forever. Sara's too. The two of you had to become
Earthons to survive. You should never feel guilty or selfish that you identify
yourself as much as an Earthon as a Novaunian and are happy here."
He kissed her hair. "I am happy here,
Teri."
"I know," she said softly.
"And you feel free."
"In a way I never did on Novaun, it's
true."
"I think I understand your feelings
better now than I did. Is Gavaun very much like your father?"
"Very much, and to tell you the truth,
his attitude annoys me too. I didn't realize how domineering my father was and
how tense my life on Novaun had been until I came here. Still, Sara is an
awfully high price to pay for my freedom."
"Sara was happy here too. Don't ever
doubt it. Had we told her of her heritage, we then couldn't have allowed her to
excel at anything or do anything, really, and she would have felt frustrated
and restless."
"And trapped," Trendaul agreed.
He couldn't count the number of times he and Teri had discussed this problem
over the years. Aside from the issue of publicity, he had always felt
uncomfortable about allowing Sara to compete in athletics. He suspected that
her superior Novaunian body had given her an unfair advantage, and yet he had
never been certain. Sara was fast, but she had competed against plenty of young
Earthon women who were faster than she was. Trendaul believed that learning of
the inherent physical superiority of her race would have troubled Sara. She
might have refused to participate in athletics at all. So instead of complete truth
(and complete honesty) Trendaul and Teri had given Sara a childhood of freedom.
"And who knows? Sara may do a better
job of blending the Earthon and Novaunian halves of her identity than you
have."
"Perhaps. But in the end, Sara will be
an Earthon. If we stay here, Cameron will bring her back to us. If we go to
Novaun, we will be separated by a thousand years."
"A thousand years isn't an
eternity."
"No, but it's still a tremendous gulf.
One I can't fathom. I have a difficult time measuring my life in eternal terms
when I have so many years as a mortal still ahead of me."
"That's funny. Since you became an
ordinance worker in the temple, I measure my life in eternal terms more now
than ever."
"And that's as it should be."
Where was his faith?
"If we stay here, you will lose your
parents and other family members, at least for this life. Your father may be a
tyrant, but you still love him."
Trendaul sighed. "Yes I do, and Gavaun
means well too. I think things would be different with my father if I were to
return. I'm different--more
confident. Life would be more relaxed and pleasant I think."
"Maturity is a wonderful thing,"
Teri murmured.
"I would like to see my family again,
and Novaun. It's beautiful, you know, like the Garden of Eden."
He felt Teri smile against the corner of
his mouth. "So you've shown me. I have no doubt I would be as happy on
Novaun as you've been on Earth."
"But if we go to Novaun, I may lose
you."
"I'd be fine. You'd see. The possibility
excites me as much as it frightens me."
"Krista felt the same way about coming
to Earth. And homesickness killed her."
"I'm not Krista."
Trendaul clung to his wife and kissed her
ardently. "I can't lose you too, Teri."
Sara awoke in Cameron's arms the morning
after the wedding to a loud knock on the door. "That's probably
Tony," she said. "He's supposed to be bringing backpacking
gear."
Cameron lifted himself on his arms a little
and stroked the hair away from her face. "I don't care who it is." He
kissed her savoringly. Sara lost herself in the kiss, realizing she didn't care
either.
Eventually hunger drove Sara and Cameron
out of bed. They helped each other into their robes and went outside to see
what Tony had left for them. They found two loaded backpacks sitting on a tarp
with a plate of muffins and a bottle of juice. They sat down on the tarp and
ate, passing the juice back and forth between them as they peeked into the
backpacks to see what they had.
Cameron removed a card from the larger of
the backpacks, the one with the tent, and read:
Cameron
and Sara,
Please enjoy this gift from the colony.
Everyone wants you to get away for a few days and have a real vacation. We'll
take care of things while you're gone.
Tony,
Russ, and Brent
Excitement shot through Sara. Tony had
really come through! "Isn't this is wonderful, Cameron? We actually get to
go exploring!"
Cameron caressed Sara's knee. "Are you
feeling up to it?"
Sara nodded quickly, smiling. She had never
felt better in her life.
Cameron stood up, drawing Sara up with him.
"Then I guess we'd better get going."
They showered and dressed and headed into
the forest with a compass and a handheld computer to record their bearings.
Before they left, Sara slipped her box of arelada into her backpack. At
mid-day, they stopped by a lake with a waterfall and went swimming in the cold,
clear water, then stretched their towels out under the willow trees and lay together
in contentment, dozing. When they awoke, they realized that they didn't have
any inclination to explore and decided to remain where they were for the night.
Cameron sat up, his hand still on Sara's
shoulder. "Let's go find some wood. It may get cold after the sun goes
down."
Sara rolled to her side and patted Cameron's
leg. "You go. It'll give me a few minutes alone to try the arelada."
Cameron had literally been clinging to her for twenty-four hours; she didn't
think they had been physically disconnected in all that time. She had known all
along that Cameron was an intensely emotional person, but she still hadn't been
prepared for this insatiable desire he had to touch her. She loved the
attention, but her senses were so saturated with him that she was afraid she
would never be able to get the arelada to work unless she found a few minutes
alone.
Cameron drew Sara into his arms, kissing
her. "Please, Sara. Don't make me go by myself. After we start the fire,
you can lay your head in my lap and try the arelada. I promise I won't talk to
you or distract you."
Sara kissed him again and pulled away a
little, smiling, unable to tell him that his very presence was a distraction.
He was so devoted to her, and she couldn't resist him. "All right, sweet
king. Your command is my desire." She had never in her life felt so
beautiful and loved.
Cameron laughed, a happy, carefree sound,
and pulled Sara to her feet. He held her and whispered passionately into her
ear, "And your desire is my command, sweet queen."
Sara shivered with excitement and kissed
him again, clasping him so close that Cameron ended up having to pry himself
away from her. With arms around each other, they headed into the forest to look
for wood. After they started a fire, they pitched their tent, and then dropped
to the ground together next to the backpacks. Cameron turned away from Sara
slightly to search through his pack for something to eat, while Sara rummaged
through her backpack, looking for her box of arelada. Before she could put her
hands on the box, her fingers rested on a stiff piece of paper. Puzzled, she
dislodged it from the other items. She didn't need to remove it from the
backpack to see that it was a white envelope with her name on it. Recognizing
the handwriting to be Ben's, she immediately shoved the card in its place deep
in her pack, knowing she would never be able to explain it to Cameron.
Her heart pounding fiercely, Sara groped
for the box of arelada and found it quickly, her astonishment giving way to
indignation. For twenty-four hours she had allowed herself to forget about Ben
Carroll. She hadn't thought about him once, and now he was again intruding in
her relationship with Cameron and forcing her to confront the fact that sooner
or later, she would have to tell Cameron what had happened.
Sara had no idea how she was going to tell
him. Cameron was starving for intimacy--physically, emotionally, and even
spiritually. He had been famished for so long that the hunger pangs had become
second nature to him. Even now, he had no idea how impoverished he was. Being
dismissed as a fanatical, puritanical, docile little boy by his father had
wounded Cameron far more than he realized, and the more Sara thought about it,
the angrier she became. How could Sara withdraw the feast just when Cameron was
starting to experience the joys of satiety?
Feeling Cameron's warmth move from her
thigh to her hip, Sara realized that Cameron was shifting his position. He
knelt behind her and slid his arms around her waist. Sara leaned against him
and kissed his cheek, struggling to relax. She would not allow that stupid card to ruin her honeymoon! Cameron rubbed
his face in her hair. "Sara, sweetheart, what's the matter? You seem
tense. Are you upset with me?"
Sara turned so that she could wrap her arms
around him. "No, of course not." She pulled him to the ground and
kissed him again and again.
Eventually Sara became aware that those
beautiful aqua eyes were studying her. Cameron traced her features with his
finger. "Something's wrong. Please tell me what it is."
Sara's throat ached. She couldn't lie to
him, but she couldn't tell him either. She shook her head slightly.
"Please, Sara," he whispered,
hurt. "You should be able to tell me anything."
"Not this. Not now. Please trust
me."
He nodded slowly, obviously crushed.
Sara's fingers trembled against his cheek.
"Please don't be hurt, Cameron."
"How can I not be hurt? My wife won't
confide in me."
Sara resigned herself to the inevitable.
Their respite was over. She had to tell him, and yet she still had no idea how.
"Something happened, Cameron, and when I tell you, everything will
change."
Cameron frowned. "Everything? What do
you mean by everything?"
"Our life. Everything. Everything but
the thing that is the most important--the fact that we're together. Nothing can
separate us now--nothing. Not even
this. But everything will change."
The muscles in Cameron's face relaxed.
"And you don't want everything to change--yet."
Sara tried to smile. He was beginning to
understand. "Call me selfish, but I want to have a honeymoon first."
Cameron kissed her. "Then we'll enjoy
a few more hours together, and then you can change our life after we've settled
in for the night and have no energy left for anything but whispering."
Sara almost laughed. "Fair
enough."
Cameron smiled. "You'd just better not
fall asleep!" He reached for the box of arelada and handed it to Sara.
Sara backed away from him a little and set it on the ground between them, then
lifted herself on one arm and unlatched the box, lifting the lid. For the
moment, her curiosity about the arelada submerged her anxiety.
Lined with white velvet, the box held two
pendants on long silver chains. Silver settings displayed quarter-sized,
faceted pieces of arelada. On one, diamonds surrounded the arelada in a
symmetrical design, rendering the silver setting almost unnoticeable. On the
other, diamonds, emeralds, and sapphires surrounded the arelada in an intricate
design that Sara recognized. "In my dream, my mother wore a jewel exactly
like this one on her forehead," she said as she handed the necklace to
Cameron.
"It's beautiful. And very
unusual."
Sara closed the box, which still held seven
extra stones that had been cut to fit the silver settings. She sat up and held
her father's pendant up to the light. The late afternoon sun shone through the
open back of the setting and cast rainbows on the grass.
Sara stared into the crystal, with its
elusive luminosity, trying to imagine it on her father's forehead. She dressed
him in the same shimmering white suit Jaunel had worn, with its short sleeves,
standing collar, and half-vest that fell to the knee. She mentally embroidered
her father's suit, however, with silver thread instead of the gold that had
been in Jaunel's vest, adding diamonds to the embroidery in a symmetrical
design.
Sara examined the image she had created.
The suit seemed right, but she still couldn't visualize the jewel on his forehead.
She placed the chain over her head and let the pendant drop to her heart. Was
this the way her father had worn his arelada while he was working at the
Library of Congress? Against his skin? Under his clothing and out of sight?
Probably. He wouldn't have worn the arelada this way on Novaun, however. He
would have worn it in the same fashion as her mother--on his forehead--but
without the elaborate braided hairstyle to hold the shorter chain in place.
What would a Novaunian man use to hold a
piece of faceted arelada on his forehead? A tighter chain? A piece of silver
elastic? A thin circlet of silver? A white headband, perhaps? Sara tried each
idea, liking the white headband the best. It looked the most comfortable and,
at the same time, the best able to hold a jewel of that size without falling
off. Sara conjured up a complete image of her father, tingling with awe. This
was no bug-eyed alien. He looked like a prince or an angel.
Sara placed her father between her mother
and Jaunel in her mental picture and tried to imagine herself standing next to
her mother, wearing the same style of clothing. Unable to stretch her
imagination that far, the vision shattered. Athletic shoes wouldn't match her
mother's jewel-studded gown, and the mere thought of all those braids pulling
her hair made Sara's head hurt. She wondered if she would ever feel like a
Novaunian.
Sara felt Cameron sit up. "What do you
see, Sara?"
Sara caressed his waist. "Nothing
much. I'm just trying to imagine what my father would look like wearing this
jewel."
"Why don't you try to see our
baby?"
Sara nodded. "That would be thrilling,
wouldn't it?" She crossed her legs and made herself comfortable, then
pulled the arelada pendant from beneath her shirt and held it in her palm,
staring at it. As her father had instructed, she tried to pour herself into the
arelada. Gradually the land surrounding her seemed to come alive, and as it
did, the movement of water became audible in the trees behind her, every blade
of grass became individual and identifiable under her legs, and the scent of
honeysuckle and pine nearly overpowered her.
When Sara was again staring at the arelada
in her hand, she attempted to pour herself into it more intensely. Immediately
she felt Cameron and his gentle but powerful personality, his spirit emanating
such sincerity and determination to embrace the Infinite that he seemed to
explode with heat and light. Her spirit instinctively sprinted toward her
husband and seized him, her whole essence begging to be burned.
Cameron's light escaped her spiritual grip
in quavering, colorful bursts, and within moments, she heard him laugh. "I
surrender! Take my body too. I insist!"
She turned abruptly toward him, her fingers
curling around the arelada, as if to maintain the telepathic connection, but
she was too new at this. Her new Awareness dissipated. She rested her hand on
Cameron's chest and gave him a little shove. "If you don't stop making
noise, I'll never get a look at our baby."
"All right, all right. I'll shut
up."
Sara poured herself into the arelada again
and looked inside of herself as her mother had taught her to do. She reached
deeper and deeper, focusing her thoughts, until she saw them: two tiny balls of
cells. One had implanted itself in the lining of her uterus; the other hadn't
quite moved into position to implant yet.
Twins! The realization astonished Sara. She
tried to move in closer to the embryos, to study them more closely. Sure
enough, there really were two of them. She wasn't imagining things. She
withdrew from herself, the astonishment fading. Twins. Of course. She and
Cameron should have considered this possibility, and yet, she was glad they
hadn't. Realizing the potential for twins might have made them anxious and
restrained. So instead of one baby, there would be two. Twins!
"Well?" Cameron said impatiently.
"Are we going to be parents?"
Sara released the pendant, allowing it to
dangle. She chuckled. "I'll say!"
"What did you see?"
"Two perfect embryos."
Cameron's mouth dropped open.
"Two?"
Sara nodded, amazed she could be so
delighted about this new development. "We're having twins. Fraternal
twins."
Cameron looked away, putting his hand to
his forehead and rubbing. "Twins," he muttered. He didn't sound
happy. After pondering for many moments, Cameron looked at Sara again,
understanding. "Of course. We're a couple of idiots. After what your
mother told you, we should have foreseen this."
"I'm very, very glad we didn't."
"Where in the world are we going to
put two babies?"
"Is that all you're worried about?
That's an easy problem to deal with! We can use portable cribs instead of
full-size ones. If we need to, we can put one crib in the extra bedroom and one
in the living room."
"In the living room?" Cameron sounded appalled.
"Sure. Why not? Babies don't care
where they sleep. After Zack was born, he slept in a portable crib in the
dining room for a couple of months."
"Your baby brother slept in the dining room?"
"My mother wasn't about to put him in the same room with Daniel and
Matthew until he could sleep through the night."
"Adam slept in Mother and Father's
room when he was a baby."
"My mom can't sleep with a baby in her
room. She says she wakes up at every little noise. It makes her crazy."
"Still, Sara, putting one of the
babies in the living room would be pathetic. I wonder how soon we could get a
new house. I suppose we'll have to wait until all of the buildings in the
colony are synthesized and put up."
Cameron was more spoiled than Sara had
believed. "Relax, Cameron!" She couldn't restrain herself from
giggling. "I promise I won't tell the babies what a pathetic home they're
coming to. I know it's going to kill you, but you can't tell them either. They'll
never know. Trust me!"
Cameron finally smiled. "You're so
exotic and awesome, Sara. You blow my mind!" He offered the feminine
necklace to her. "It's my turn to try, but I can't wear this one. I'll
feel like a fool."
"Picky, picky." Sara took her
mother's necklace from him and put it around her neck, then gave him the one
her father had used.
"What do I do?"
She explained the telepathic process as
well as she could, adding, "We have to be careful, though, to only overlap
spirits somewhat, not completely join them."
Sara suddenly felt Cameron's essence enfold
her. She reached her spirit out to him and felt him melt into her and her into
him, their thoughts, emotions, and sensations merging. The deeper the bond
became, the deeper Sara wanted to go. He was her husband, and despite her
mother's warnings, it didn't seem right that she couldn't have all of him.
Cameron stopped Sara's telepathic delving
with a mental exclamation: Wow! You're
dazzling! A diamond shooting fireworks!
Sara
shifted to her knees and flung herself at him, knocking him over. And you are so, so hot! They kissed
again and again, so acutely aware of each other that they could hardly bear the
intensity of emotion flaming between them.
We're
supposed to be learning how to use the arelada and here I am, attacking you,
Sara thought.
Isn't
marriage great?
It's a good thing we are married. We could have
really gotten ourselves into trouble!
Cameron
rolled Sara to her back and moved just enough so that he could gaze at her and
play with her hair. No kidding. I had no idea telepathy would be this
overpowering!
Neither did I. I wonder if Novaunians ever
get anything done.
They certainly don't communicate with everyone this way.
I don't
know. No. My mother and I weren't this aware of each other, and in the few
memories I have of my father and I communicating telepathically, he didn't
reach this deeply.
Sara thought about Cameron's father and realized that she didn't dare communicate
with him like this.
Cameron immediately assimilated the outrage
Sara felt when she thought about his father. His spirit threw off sparks of
alarm. What did my father do to you?
The
first thing that came to Sara's mind was the awful wedding embrace, and before
she could stifle the memory, Cameron experienced what had happened as if he
were she. He sat up, aghast, his spirit seeming to explode with rage.
Sara watched him in consternation. She had
wanted to tell him gently, not like this. Unable to endure his anger, she tried
to withdraw her spirit, shooting sharp pains through them both. Cameron's
spirit wrapped around hers tightly, begging her not to pull away again.
I'm
so sorry, Cameron.
Cameron
drew Sara into his lap. He did this to
you, and you're sorry? He held
her tightly, protectively.
What
he did was more of an affront to you than to me. Either the rage was
diminishing a little, or Sara was becoming acclimated to it. She relaxed a
little, soothed by his heartbeat and warmed by his spirit, which seemed to
engulf her. As much as she had fought telling him, she couldn't help but feel
relieved.
What
else has happened, Sara? His spirit was tense with urgency. I want to know everything. Start from the
beginning.
Sara
nodded and allowed the images and conversations to flow. Once they began
pouring from her mind, she wasn't sure she could shut them off, even if she
wanted to. The e‑mails, the dinners at Don Pablo's, the phone calls, her
discussion with Bishop Lanham, the confrontation with her
parents . . . everything came out.
Your
father knew about this and he didn't tell me? Hysteria stormed through
their spirits. He watched you hug my
father in the spaceport and said nothing?
Sara
scratched and gripped at Cameron's shirt, now and then tapping his chest and
sometimes his cheek. He didn't confront
your father, but he did do something. He told me to marry you, and he gave me a
ring. And he and Mom went to the stake center with me, and when I got so angry
with you, they told me I was crazy and wrong and made me feel guilty. If they
hadn't been there to put me back into the blocks after that false start, I
might still think you were a coward and a fanatic.
All
right . . . all right . . . Cameron inhaled
deeply, as if he were trying to calm himself. Your father didn't tell me about this because he wanted our love to
develop without this black cloud hanging over us, I suppose. I can accept that.
Your parents must really loathe my father.
"Loathe" may not be a strong
enough word.
So this is why my father didn't approve of
me as a love interest for you.
Sara nodded, and the images began gushing
forth again, ending with the encounter after the wedding. Once she had showed
him everything, she felt purged. She was so at ease, in fact, that she felt as
if she might float away.
Cameron smoothed Sara's hair away from her
face. I wish you had told me as soon as
the first suspicion entered your mind. I would never have left you alone with
him Monday night. Guilt seized him. I
shouldn't have anyway. It was naïve and stupid. I won't make that mistake
again.
Had
you not left me alone with him, he may have refused to marry us.
Then I would have had Tony perform the
ceremony. I would have preferred that anyway.
Do you think Tony would have done it
without your father's license?
Absolutely. He wouldn't have stood for
this.
But you couldn't have told him anything
before Monday night, because your father hadn't done anything yet.
Are you kidding? He's been after you for
months! You just didn't see it, but I see it and Tony would have also.
I've known Tony almost as long as I've
known your father, and he didn't see it.
That's because he was only with you at Don
Pablo's. Had he known about all of the e‑mails and phone calls, it would
have been obvious to him too.
Sara
moaned. How could I have been so stupid?
Why didn't you tell me, Sara?
I
couldn't. You've been under so much pressure. I wanted to give you a vacation.
It's been eating away at you, though. What
kind of vacation has that been for you?
I didn't think about him at all until . . .
Cameron abruptly pushed her out of his lap
and jerked his head in the direction of the backpack. You didn't open it?
Sara
reached for the backpack, shaking her head. I
didn't dare. She took the card out of the pack and returned to Cameron's
lap. She studied the envelope for many moments before she removed the card.
Cameron squeezed her. You were right when you said that everything would change.
Maybe we should just put it away and forget
about it for now.
It's too late for that.
You're curious, aren't you?
I can't deal with this if I don't have all
of the facts.
Sara
nodded. The nightmare was ending for her but just beginning for Cameron. She
opened the card and began reading in her mind while Cameron mentally followed
along:
My
beloved Sara,
I'm so sorry I upset you. Had I been able
to reveal my feelings to you in the gentle way I intended, the way it would
have happened had Cameron not come to Eden, you would have no reason to doubt
my good intentions. I always meant to give you "the facts" about my
marital status. I tried many times, but the facts are so tied up with my
feelings that I couldn't give you one without the other. To tell you anything,
I had to tell you everything, and you weren't ready to hear it. I'm still not
certain you're ready to hear it, but circumstances have forced me to move with
far more speed than I had ever intended.
I
need you to understand, Sara, that my marriage was dead long before I met you.
My wife and I are estranged in every way. I've been considering divorce for
some time, but I've never been able to bring myself to take that final step. I
suppose it's because I've been reluctant to throw my family into chaos. My
commitment to Barbara provides all six of us with a certain amount of
stability. I'm now ready to trade that stability for a new, more honest
existence, as unstable as it may feel to the other members of my family for a
time, but I'm terrified of trading the old stability, as dishonest as it is,
for chaos that may be indefinite.
In the middle of all this, I met you and
fell in love. You are so resplendent, open, and real that I couldn't help myself.
You are everything I have ever wanted in a wife. I would prefer to pursue you
as an unmarried man, but that isn't the way it's working out. I know the Church
disapproves of this approach, and I can't say that I believe it's the best way
to do things, but I seem to have found myself in this difficult situation
without any clear view of how to manage it. It's just always seemed that if I
expressed my desire to get a divorce and my plans to marry you at the same
time, it would make the break quick, comprehensible, and less chaotic for
everyone involved--death by a bullet to the head instead of slow torture.
You accused me of wanting you to be my
"trophy wife." I'm deeply troubled that you would think this, and it
makes me wonder if I've ever treated you as an object. If I have, I'm sorry.
Please tell me what I did so that I can avoid doing it in the future. I could
not bear to have another trophy wife; the thought of it sickens me.
Yes, I married my trophy wife the first
time around. I know that sounds cruel, but it's the truth. Barbara is a perfect
fashion doll--a chameleon fashion doll. She adapts herself to everyone's idea
of perfection. She dresses perfectly. She keeps a perfect house. She does just
enough to appear to be the perfect wife and the perfect mother, but her
interpretations of those roles fluctuate, depending on who she's with. She's an
expert at playacting the perfect journalist, the perfect member of the Church,
the perfect colonist. She's such a superb actress she should be on the stage.
Whenever I tell her I'm unhappy, she simply slips into a different version of
the perfect wife in an attempt to console me, but it's never the real Barbara.
I have no idea who the real Barbara is. She's the perfect everything except the
perfect companion. Sincerely, Sara, I think she would be relieved if I asked
for a divorce.
I love you, Sara. I want to give you the
best of everything I have. Yes, I still want you to be my wife. And yes, it
hurts me that you're spending this time with Cameron. It's hurting me even more
than I thought it would. But if this is what it takes to convince you that he
is not right for you, so be it. I am always here for you.
Lovingly,
Ben
As Sara began reading the letter, her first
thoughts were ones of irritation and confusion. Although "the facts"
did answer some of the questions she had, she didn't need that information, so
what was the point? Cameron felt the same way. The grim details about his
parents' marriage disturbed him, but the fact that his father would so easily
give such private information to Sara disturbed him even more. Sara felt like a
voyeur; Cameron was embarrassed for his mother, especially since he knew that
much of what his father had said about her was true.
Then they got to the last paragraph and
understood: Ben was giving Sara private details about his marriage because he
still believed he would marry her. A man would never give this kind of
information to a daughter-in-law, but he would give it to a woman he intended
to marry, especially if he thought it would make her more sympathetic to his
situation.
Sara and Cameron looked at each other,
thunderstruck.
He
expects me to ask him to annul our marriage.
That's why he insisted on being the one to
perform the ceremony.
And told me not to get pregnant.
Cameron's
humiliation swelled through them both. He
would have you throw away everything we have, as if it's nothing, and then
throw me away too and take my place.
Sara
could scarcely imagine anything so repellent. She tried to enlarge her spirit
to encircle him, but his agony was so consuming that it sucked the energy right
out of her. Little by little her telepathic connection with Cameron dissolved,
and she dropped her head on his neck, exhausted.
Cameron rocked Sara, his hands hot on her
skin and his breathing erratic.
"Please don't fight it, Cameron,"
Sara whispered, unable to suppress her own urge to weep.
Cameron dropped his forehead on Sara's, his
muscles relaxing and the sobs erupting.
"I love you," Sara said
passionately as his tears dropped on her face, mixing with her own.
Cameron gasped. "Do you, Sara?"
he asked in a little-boy tone. "Do you really?"
"I'm yours forever, Cameron. Forever
and ever. There is no one else. There never has been and never will be."
She kissed Cameron again and again, tasting his tears. "I love
you . . . I love you . . . I love you."
Eventually Cameron's sobs faded, and he
began fondling her face with his lips, kissing her eyes, nose, temples, and
throat. "I love you, Sara," he whispered, "You are my strength
and my hope. Without you, I would die."
*
Late that night, when neither Sara nor
Cameron had energy to do anything but whisper, they lay in zipped-together
sleeping bags under the stars and made plans to confront his father.
"We have to do it tomorrow,"
Cameron said softly. "I'd like to give him a day to think about things
before we rejoin the colony."
"What do you have in mind?"
"I'll go to the dining hall with the
excuse that we're dying for some fresh food, and I'll get into a conversation
with Tony or someone and make my father think that I won't be home for a while.
He won't be able to resist the opportunity to speak to you alone."
"Are you crazy? You can't leave me
alone in that house with him!"
"But you'll only be alone for a few
minutes, because I'll follow him back. He won't know it, but I'll be standing
at the door, listening to everything he says."
Sara wasn't sure whether she should be
shocked or delighted. "It sounds like entrapment!"
"It is entrapment."
"Are you sure that's . . .
well . . . right?"
"You've been telling him for weeks
that you choose me and he still refuses to believe you. Even the act of
marrying me hasn't convinced him of his error. We have to do something drastic.
We have to shock him into accepting our marriage."
"We may make him so angry that he'll
never come to you for spiritual help."
"As things stand now, he has such
contempt for me in this position that he'll never come to me anyway. I have
nothing to lose with this approach."
"I suppose you're right."
"And it may be that he'll be more
inclined to come to me once he's aware that I already know a lot about what's
been going on."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Keep him talking, and when the time
is right, I'll come into the house. I doubt he's even considered the
possibility that you would tell me what's been going on. When he finds out just
how extensively you've confided in me, he'll be forced to admit to himself that
I'm your true mate."
Cameron's plan struck Sara as brilliant.
"I think this will work," she said, relieved. "And it'll all
happen in the privacy of our own home. I can't bear the thought that anyone
else might find out about this."
"Neither can I. If my parents decide
to divorce, everyone will know something's wrong. I hope, though, that the
colonists never learn about my father's feelings for you."
"What a scandal that would
cause!"
"No kidding. You did the right thing
when you agreed to let my father marry us. Had we done it any other way, the
situation would have become incredibly more complicated."
Sara laughed softly. "You didn't think
so a few hours ago."
"That was when I was the enraged
husband," Cameron said comfortably. "Now I'm the dutiful son trying
to save my family from humiliation." He kissed her forehead.
"When do you get to become the calm,
compassionate bishop?"
"I don't know. It's not hard to feel
compassion for you and my mother, but for my father?" Cameron shook his
head. "Frankly, what he's done disgusts me so much that I don't want to have compassion for him. He's
not the only one who will need a day to think before we rejoin the
colony."
The next morning, Thursday, Sara and
Cameron hiked back to their house. They wore the arelada necklaces and
communicated telepathically the entire way. When Cameron left to get lunch, his
thoughts drifted away from Sara until nothing remained. For the first time
since the wedding, she was alone, and she was not entirely comfortable with the
feeling. She felt as if a part of herself were gone.
Knowing she needed to do something to keep
herself from going crazy, Sara moved Cameron's Chinese calligraphy from his
office into the living room, along with his picture of the Washington, D.C.
Temple. She was in the middle of hanging the first of her mother's art posters
in their bedroom when she heard a loud knock at the door.
Panic gripped her. She had almost hoped
that Ben wouldn't come. She made her way slowly to the door, thinking he would
leave if she took too long. He knocked again. When Sara opened the door and saw
Ben standing there, she immediately realized that she couldn't go through with
Cameron's plan. She couldn't invite Ben into the house and be there alone with
him, even for a few minutes. Cameron would have to confront him on the trail.
Sara slammed the door shut and leaned against it with her back.
"I need to talk to you, Sara," he
said through the door.
"Then come back when my husband is
here." Sara held her breath, waiting to find out what he would do.
Within moments she heard his voice at the
open window in the babies' area. "And just what would Cameron do if he
found me alone here with you? Absolutely nothing. He's so naïve it wouldn't
occur to him to question it."
Ben wouldn't think Cameron was naïve once
he realized that he had walked into a trap Cameron had set for him. Sara turned
and saw Ben framed by the open window.
His features softened. "Did you get my
card?"
"I did."
"And?"
"You were wrong to tell me those
things."
"You asked for the facts."
"No, I told you that I didn't
appreciate being deceived."
"I'm sorry I deceived you, Sara. You
have no idea what a relief it is now that you know how I feel."
"What are you doing here?"
"I had to assure myself that you no
longer hate me."
"I never did."
"Then come over here and talk with
me."
"I'd rather not."
"Why? What are you afraid of?"
Ben stepped on the windowsill and propelled himself into the house.
Even though the situation was playing out
exactly as Cameron had predicted and Sara knew he would return in a few
minutes, the nausea returned. "Please don't do this, Father."
"I am not your father."
"Yes you are, for all practical
purposes."
Ben leaned against the windowsill.
"Your brand of daughterly love is an interesting one. Is this the sort of
relationship you have with your own father?" His voice was very gentle.
"No. Of course not." Sara
positioned herself near the window in the living room area so that she could
see when Cameron returned. The breeze felt refreshing. "My father has
never made advances."
"I was referring to your feelings and
actions, not mine."
"I've never regarded you as anything
more than a mentor and father figure."
"If you still believe that, you're not
being honest with yourself."
Sara had a feeling that she would have
fallen into a romantic relationship with Ben had Cameron not come to Eden, but
she wasn't about to admit it to Ben. "I don't pretend to understand
exactly what has happened between us, but I do apologize if I ever did or said
anything to lead you into believing there can be something between us that can
never be." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Cameron walking up the
trail, carrying a small, bulging duffel bag. He was being careful not to make
any noise. She immediately relaxed, the queasiness diminishing.
Ben shook his head quickly and leaned
toward Sara, speaking softly and expressively. "You have no reason to
regret or feel ashamed, because you never consciously did anything to encourage
me. The fact that your love developed so innocently, so spontaneously, makes it
all the more genuine and beautiful. I won't allow you to rationalize it away,
Sara. Please do me the honor of at least considering my offer of
marriage."
Sara couldn't believe his brazenness.
"I'm already married, Ben!"
"A technicality." He seemed
pleased that she had called him "Ben."
Sara threw up her arms in exasperation.
"What do I have to say or do to convince you that I truly do want to be
married to Cameron?"
"There is nothing you can say or do to convince me that your love for Cameron
truly is stronger than your love for me. Your countenance is the thing speaks to me, Sara. You're transparent and
pure, like some exotic human crystal, luminous with passion. You're incapable
of disguising anything, and you can't live a lie. All I have to do is look at
you to know that the luminosity has not
become a white hot flame but is, instead, in the process of being
extinguished."
Cameron reached the door just in time to
hear his father's last few words. He pursed his lips to keep from laughing.
Sara was too angry to be amused by Ben's stupidity. "If my countenance
seems confused, it's because you're here right now, trying to convince me I don't
love my husband."
"Consider this, Sara. If Cameron were
truly your soul mate and you were as offended by my interest as you claim you
are, you would have told him what was going on. He would know just by looking
at you that something was wrong, and you wouldn't be able to keep it from
him."
Cameron shot Sara a look of warning and
shook his head.
As difficult as it was, Sara did as Cameron
wished and refrained from revealing that she had told him. "How can you have such little regard for your
son's feelings? Are you really that heartless?"
Ben's eyebrows shot up, the muscles in his
face tensing. "Cameron shows up out of the blue and tries to take my
colony and my bride, and I'm supposed to feel charitable toward him?"
Ben had a streak of vindictiveness in him
that Sara had never seen in Cameron. She understood that the way Ben had
treated Cameron over the past month was probably not the way he had treated him
over the past twenty years, but she also felt a need to remind him of his
obligations. "He's your son! Your eldest child, born in the covenant. And
I will never be your bride!"
"You'll change your mind when you
realize how incapable he is of satisfying your passionate desires."
Ben's comment landed on Cameron like a
blow. He seemed to wilt, his eyes charged with anguish and outrage. Sara felt
violated. Ben was trespassing on her intimate life, and she would not tolerate
it. "Do you, a high priest,
really think you can abandon your family and attempt to destroy my marriage
without bringing the wrath of God down on your head? Are you really that
arrogant?"
"Is it arrogance or sin for an unhappy
man to seek marriage with a woman he knows loves him?"
"You have a wonderful wife. If you're
unhappy, it's your own fault."
"Oh yes, it's my fault that Barbara
has never warmed to me, never been honest, never been the woman I thought I
married." He gazed at Sara with incredulous earnestness. "Do you
think I wanted this to happen? That I
took Barbara to the temple with the idea that I would divorce her twenty-two
years later?"
Sara opened her mouth, then closed it
again, not knowing what to say.
"Of course I didn't. I was in love
with her. Insanely. I expected it to last forever; I really did. Is it my fault
she never felt the passion for me I felt for her?"
Sara couldn't allow Ben's assertion to pass
without defending Barbara. "Are you so sure about that? You said yourself
that you don't know the real Barbara. How do you know she doesn't feel passion for you?"
"Because she has no desire for
intimacy in the physical sense. This is one aspect of being a perfect wife she's
never been able to fake. Oh, she's always made herself available to me. She's
certainly perfect in that sense. In the beginning she even acted interested. It
may be she's even taken pleasure in it, but it's never given her any joy."
Sara felt extremely uncomfortable, wishing
she could withdraw the question. "You shouldn't tell me this. It isn't
right." And it certainly wasn't something Cameron should hear!
"Physical responsiveness is something
a woman can fake." Ben touched his heart and shook his head. "True
passion, however, is something that can't be faked. I'm not sure there was ever
a time she really wanted me."
Sara would not listen to this. She turned
and strode toward her bedroom.
"Oh no, Sara." Within seconds she
felt him grip her arms from behind. "You asked for this and you will hear
it."
Sara struggled to get away from him,
shaking her head. "You're going to regret it."
He tightened his hold on her, and she
wondered whether Cameron would intervene. "I need to tell you this, Sara.
You need to know this. You need to
know something of the rejection I've always felt and the guilt that comes
afterwards when I realize I've done something to her she didn't want. After
years of this, the rejection and guilt become more painful than celibacy, and
the little intimacy that does exist fades away. It's been more than a year
since I've made love to my wife. I want you to know this because I don't ever
want you to feel as if you were, in any way, the cause of my problems with
Barbara."
Sara froze. Ben's revelation did relieve
her as much as it horrified her. She didn't think she could bear being his
femme fatale any more than she could bear being one of many young women he had
seduced, were he a bona fide adulterer. Empathy for Barbara forced her to ask,
"How can Barbara exist this way any more than you can? I would feel ugly
and unloved."
He released his hold on her arms and laid
his hands gently on her shoulders. He was so close Sara could feel his breath
on the back of her head. "You aren't like her. I think the real Barbara is
relieved."
Sara still couldn't bring herself to face
him. "I can't believe it doesn't hurt her that you aren't interested in
her anymore."
"If it bothered her, she would
initiate things. I've given her plenty of opportunities, believe me. She gets
upset only when I fail to show her enough affection in public. In fact, the
only thing that does seem to generate passion in her is when one of us says or
does something that disturbs the appearance of perfection she wants our family
to have."
Sara felt the truth of this statement.
Cameron and Ashley had said essentially the same thing. On the other hand,
Barbara, one of the most beautiful, polished women Sara had ever seen, did feel
insecure about her appearance.
Sara finally turned and looked up at Ben,
backing into the kitchen. His expression was one of such grief that Sara knew
he still had feelings for his wife, and that gave her hope. "You should
tell Barbara everything you told me, and then tell her about me. That would generate discussion if nothing else does. Make her sit down and talk to you! Then both of you talk to
Cameron. I can't believe Barbara thinks you're so worthless that she wouldn't
be willing to try to work things out if she knew what's at stake."
"I knew you were too kind-hearted and
just to condemn me if you knew the truth."
"I know that I've only heard your side
of the story."
"And you will never know Barbara's.
Neither will I. She won't even yell at me, much less confide me."
Sara couldn't help but be irritated by how
closed his mind was toward reconciliation with his wife, and she felt polluted,
as if he had manipulated her into that intimate discussion so that she would
feel sorry for him. "So you expect me now to throw myself into your arms,
ditch Cameron, and then we live the rest of our lives together in bliss? Is
that it?"
"Not exactly." He waved and
looked around the tiny house. "I may be disgusted by this fling you're
having with Cameron, but I have no delusions. I think that once the infatuation
fever runs its course, you'll be ready to act on your true feelings. To do
that, you need to know exactly where I stand."
"So you agreed to marry me to Cameron
to hurry my recovery along."
"You were so determined. I knew that
trying to prevent you from marrying would have been like throwing gasoline on
the flame."
"I can't believe you aren't disturbed
by what an annulment in a month might do to Cameron and me spiritually."
"You both went into the marriage with
the right intent. If you end it now, I can't believe the Lord would look at it
as breaking the law of chastity."
"That's your opinion, but in reality,
you have no authority from God to make a judgment in this matter. Only Cameron
does, and if he loses his purity, his judgment will be skewed. Does it mean so
little to you to have a bishop who truly does speak for God?"
"I would rather have a humble bishop,
one who realizes he isn't infallible."
"Then open your eyes and see your son
for what he is!"
"Cameron will be a better bishop once he realizes he's just as
human as the rest of us."
"A better bishop? Just how do you
define 'better'?"
"One more in tune to the needs of the
colony."
"You mean one who doesn't fight you so
much."
"Cameron, himself, will be happier if
he relaxes and accepts The Equality of Zion."
"I think I understand you now. What
you really want is for your son to be your puppet, and it galls you that he
refuses to fill that role for you."
"I just want Cameron to come out of
his fantasy world and see the truth."
Sara gazed at Ben thoughtfully.
"Actually, I think what really galls you is that you weren't made the
bishop to begin with. I think that the real reason you agreed to marry Cameron
and me was because you knew that this 'fling' would paralyze him in his
calling. That he would lose both spiritual power and support from the other
colonists. Then they would begin to look to you again as their spiritual
leader."
Ben's eyes widened, as if he were stunned.
"How could you suggest such a thing, Sara? You know me better than
that!"
"And I can't believe you're still
claiming innocence," Sara was surprised by the words that were coming out
of her mouth. "You're too shrewd. You had to have considered the
ramifications. Maybe you really are an apostate."
Hurt seeped into those shocked blue eyes.
"You could really believe I would fight the Church?"
"Yes. It's bad enough that you would
be willing to set your son up for
such humiliation, but to do it to your bishop?
If that isn't fighting the Church, I don't know what is."
"Cameron will be less hurt and more
able to function effectively in all
parts of his life if he loses you now than if he comes to the realization in
ten, fifteen, or twenty years that he's married to a woman who feels no passion
for him."
"Don't you dare try to excuse yourself by saying Cameron would be better off
if you stole his wife." Sara couldn't believe how calm she sounded.
"He's already so hurt he'll probably never completely get over it. You're
the one who's living in a fantasy world, Ben Carroll. In the real world, sons
are injured and embittered when their fathers stomp on them. You're fortunate
Cameron doesn't hate you." She flung a hand at the door. "Get out of
my house." Sara turned and opened her bedroom door. Cameron could deal
with his father now. Her patience was gone.
"He knows?" Ben whispered,
appalled.
Sara couldn't resist turning to face him
again. "If you're so innocent of any wrongdoing, why should you care that
Cameron knows? One way or another, he would have to be told, wouldn't he?"
He stared at her, baffled, as if a boulder
had dropped on his head and he hadn't figured it out yet, much less determined
where it had come from. "I just didn't think--"
"What? That I wouldn't have told him
already because he isn't my 'soul mate'?"
Ben gaped at her.
To Sara's relief, Cameron finally came into
the house, appearing pale and shaken. "It was as you said, Father,"
Cameron said, closing the door and leaning against it, as if forbidding his
father to leave just yet. "Sara is completely transparent. She tried to
keep it from me long enough so that we could have a relaxed honeymoon, but I
could tell something was wrong and that it had to do with you. She told me
everything yesterday."
Ben spun around to face Cameron. "You've
been standing at the door?"
Cameron nodded slowly, setting the duffel
bag on the floor.
"You . . . heard?
Everything?"
"I heard enough." Cameron removed
the card Ben had given to Sara from his pocket and waved it at his father.
"After I read this, I had a feeling you would try to see Sara if I made
you think I wouldn't be back for a while. I couldn't resist the opportunity to
find out what you were up to, and Sara wanted to make it clear to you, once and
for all, that she will never regard you as anything more than her
father-in-law."
"You deceived me."
"And this little jaunt you made up
here today to see Sara wasn't meant to deceive me?"
Ben finally found his wits. "How do
you know Sara isn't in love with me
and that you aren't just an utter fool?" He didn't sound as confident as
he had before Cameron had revealed his presence.
Cameron laughed gently. "I'm the one
on my honeymoon. It appears you're the one who's the fool."
Ben could not muster a response. He moved
toward the door, as if determined to escape.
"Not yet, Father," Cameron said
softly. "Not until you've heard what I have to say."
Ben backed away from Cameron a little and
turned around, unable to face him any longer. When he saw Sara still standing
in the kitchen, he quickly averted his eyes and turned toward the babies' room
window. Sara would have moved to the window to block his escape in that
direction, but she believed he had too much self-possession to bolt now. Ben
was mortified to be sure, but he was no coward.
Sara was right. Ben halted and stared out
the window.
Satisfied that his father was listening,
Cameron spoke again: "This card you sent to Sara with the camping gear
puzzles me. I don't believe the excuse you gave Sara to explain why you aren't
already divorced. You aren't a coward, and only a coward would put off divorce
for so long for the reason you gave. So I keep asking myself: If my father is
so unhappy in his marriage, why didn't he divorce my mother a long time
ago?"
Cameron shifted his position a little and
returned the card to his shirt pocket. "I would like to believe you've put
it off for so long because, despite all you've told Sara, you still love my
mother and don't really want to divorce her. I wouldn't even mind believing
that you were hoping your attention to Sara would spark some passion in your
wife and that things would improve between the two of you. Those reasons are a
little too comfortable, though, a little too easy.
"That's why I'm wondering if the real
reason you didn't get a divorce is because you knew it would kill the Eden
Colony. You figured you could deceive my mother and secretly seduce Sara long
enough to get everyone here, and then you could step forward and do what you
wanted to do all along. The only glitch in that scenario is that I can't
believe the colonists are any more likely to stand for such a scandal now than
they would have been six months ago. You are, as Sara said earlier, a shrewd
man. I can't believe you wouldn't have foreseen the possibility for mutiny had
your plans come to fruition.
"Which leads me to my last
speculation, the only one that makes complete sense. I can't help but wonder whether
you meant to marry Sara at all. I have a feeling you just told yourself that to
give yourself an excuse to get close to her. You never had any real intention
of giving up your marriage to my mother and the appearance of respectability it
gives you. What you really want from Sara is an affair."
Sara gasped. Ben lunged toward Cameron,
grabbed him by his collar, and threw him against the wall. Ben said in a low,
threatening voice, "You may be Sara's husband, but you are still my son,
and I will not tolerate disrespect from you."
Cameron gazed at Ben in that penetrating
way he had, utterly fearless. A destroying angel couldn't have appeared as
glorious and as terrifying as Cameron did at that moment. "You have three
days to tell Mother what's been going on. If you don't do it, I will."
Ben released Cameron and strode out the
door. When he was gone, Sara jogged over to Cameron and threw her arms around
him, her spirit leaping out to merge with his. He held her tightly. I've never, in my life, spoken to my father
that way.
I didn't know you had it in you to be so
brutal.
Was I too brutal?
No. Actually, I was more brutal than you
were.
He needed to hear it.
It's odd, but he accuses you of thinking
you're infallible, when he's the one who thinks he's infallible.
Well, I think we've finally managed to give
him some new thoughts.
He really believed I loved him.
My father thinks the universe revolves
around him.
Sara looked up at Cameron, feeling
troubled. No, Cameron. It was more than
that. He was so certain. He wouldn't have come up here today and told me the
things he did had he not been absolutely positive I was in love with him and
not you.
What are you trying to say?
That I must have led him on. There's no
other explanation.
Cameron
shook his head. Whatever you did, it was
unconscious. You didn't lead him on; he encouraged you--even manipulated you.
Maybe I really was in love with him and
didn't know it.
Cameron
laid his hands on Sara's shoulders and squeezed them reassuringly. I don't believe that for a moment. When my
father explained everything to you in that letter, he made it sound as if his
love for you just kind of happened after the two of you spent so many evenings
at the restaurant together.
You don't think so?
No, I don't. I think he noticed you right
away and liked you. He liked you a lot. Then he used his position to get close
to you. There were times when you wanted to hang up on him or walk out on him
and didn't because he was the governor of the colony. You should feel deceived
and betrayed, not guilty.
Sara
felt the nausea rise in her chest again. I
let myself become involved with a married man.
Cameron
shook his head vigorously, his eyes flashing with indignation. No! A leader whom you trusted manipulated
you into friendship by letting you think he thought of you as a daughter.
That was what I believed.
Cameron gave Sara a little shake. Of course you did! Because you don't love
him in a romantic way and never did! You love him as a father. I can certainly
see it, and I imagine everyone else in the colony has seen it too. If you had
flirted with him and led him on, don't you think someone would have noticed?
Cameron's
passionate observations made Sara feel a little better. I hadn't thought of that.
Trust me, Sara. I would have noticed, even
if no one else had.
I still don't know. He was so certain.
My father is incredibly attracted to you
and he saw what he wanted to see. You're a victim, Sara.
I'm a victim. It was a humiliating
realization, but not nearly as terrible as the alternative.
Cameron nodded.
And
your mother too.
Cameron's
hands relaxed on Sara's shoulders. Yes,
my mother too. Despite the things my father said.
Do you think he'll tell her about me?
I doubt it. It doesn't sound as if they've
been talking about anything of importance for years.
What do you think was his real reason for
not getting a divorce?
I don't know.
Sara
nuzzled up to Cameron's neck again and allowed him to draw her close. Well, at least he doesn't have any
misconceptions about my feelings anymore.
Cameron
began stroking her hair. Let's hope not.
Sara hesitated. He was willing to marry me, despite his disgust for the so-called fling
I'm having with you.
I'm not sure he ever truly meant to marry
you.
I'm not either, but if he did, he must
really love me.
The realization filled Sara with as much pity as amazement.
That night Sara slept deeply but not
peacefully. The confrontation with Ben charged through her mind again and
again, laced with the memories of all of her encounters with him. In her dreams
she began seeing everything in a new way, and when she became aware that morning
had come, she no longer felt angry or betrayed, just full of empathy for his
pain.
Sara reached out to Cameron with her arm
and her thoughts, but he wasn't there. Jarred by his absence, Sara opened her
eyes completely and sat up. She heard Cameron's voice outside of the bedroom
door, mingled with that of a woman, and understood. Cameron had probably called
his mother and asked her to bring them breakfast.
Sara slipped into her robe, then reached
under her pillow and Cameron's for the arelada necklaces. Cameron's wasn't
where it was supposed to be, so she assumed he had it. She dropped her own into
her pocket. She quickly combed her fingers through her hair, and opened her
bedroom door to find Ashley there instead of Barbara. Ashley was very upset.
"Don't you dare blow me off, Cameron!"
Cameron motioned his sister into one of the
camp chairs. He had showered and shaved, but he was wearing his robe. "You
know I wouldn't blow you off, Ashley, but because of my calling, there really
isn't much I can say to you about the situation."
"So there is a 'situation.' Well, Sara's
not the bishop. She can tell me what's going on." Ashley directed her
attention to Sara. "You would never brush me off, would you, Sara?"
Sara tried to be cheerful. "Not if I
could help it."
Ashley raised her eyebrows at Cameron,
vindicated. "You see, Sara's too honest to ever play games with me."
"So am I, but that doesn't change the
fact that I'm duty-bound to keep certain things confidential." Cameron
sounded annoyed. He moved toward Sara and took her into his arms, communicating
telepathically, She saw the wedding hug.
What in the galaxy were they going to tell
her? Sara looked at Cameron in question, and he responded with an air of
warning, You eat, I'll talk.
"But he's my father!" Ashley
exclaimed.
"He's also a member of my ward. Do you
want me to tell him all of your
problems? You are, after all, his daughter!"
Ashley's cheeks colored. "No, of
course not. I'm sorry, Cameron."
Sara sat down at the table in front of a
tray of food, more than happy to let Cameron be the one to deal with
difficulties caused by his father from now on. The smell of the eggs made her
stomach growl. "Thanks for the breakfast, Ashley."
"It was nothing, really. I was looking
for an excuse to come up here." Ashley's voice quavered. "Sara, did
my father make a pass at you or not?"
Before Sara could answer, Cameron said,
"I don't think you need either one of us to answer that question for you,
Ashley."
"All right. Maybe I don't. Maybe I
just want you to tell me I didn't see what I saw. Maybe I want you to tell me I'm
crazy to even consider the possibility that Father would give Sara such
a . . ." Ashley waved her hands, her eyes darting around
the room, searching for the correct word. ". . . such an erotic hug."
As Sara began eating a bagel, Cameron moved
into position behind her and played with her hair. "Are you crazy?"
Ashley shook her head quickly. "No.
But I am baffled. Why would he do something like that?"
Cameron's hands moved to Sara's neck and
began lightly kneading. "Why does any man hug a woman that way?"
"Father isn't any man! He's in love
with Mother!"
"Is he?"
"Isn't he?"
"What do you think?"
"After what I saw the other day, I don't
know anymore."
"Neither do I," Cameron admitted.
"But what he did was so obscene! I don't
think a toothpick could have separated their bodies! He's never hugged me that way!" Ashley gasped,
attempting to catch her breath. "And Sara isn't any woman! Even if, for
some outrageous reason, Father is the sort of man to pursue a woman other than
Mother, why in the world, Cameron, would he choose Sara? Your wife?"
"Sara became my wife a few days ago;
my girlfriend a mere month ago. Father and Sara have been closely associated
with each other for some time. They know each other quite a bit better than you
or I or Mother ever suspected."
Ashley looked at Sara in alarm. "Is
what he says true?"
Sara nodded slowly. "When we were still
on Earth, we talked online every night with many of the other colonists and
often e‑mailed each other. He met Tony and Jordan and Marc and me at Don
Pablo's on Saturday nights, and he called me sometimes."
Ashley looked up at Cameron again. "So
he might consider his claim on her more valid than yours, is that what you're
saying?"
"Something like that."
A thought rooted itself in Sara's mind, and
she knew that both Ashley and Cameron needed to hear it. Sara set the last bite
of bagel on her plate. "When your father married Cameron and me, he didn't
view it as marrying a suitable LDS girl to his son. He was giving a pet boy to
his Little Panther, hoping to pacify her. The boy could have been anyone. That
the boy happened to be his own son was a tragic twist of circumstance, nothing
more, nothing less."
"So he really is a wolf," Ashley
said with disgust.
"No, not a wolf, a rabid dog. He's in
a lot of pain and can't see beyond it at the moment. It's made him reckless. He's
poisoning everyone close to him, and when he finally realizes it, he'll feel
terrible and beg for treatment. In the meantime, neither you nor Cameron should
take anything that has happened personally."
Cameron's hands became still on her
shoulders. "You sound very sure."
"I am
sure. I know him." Cameron
patted her shoulder thoughtfully, then squeezed. He wanted to believe her. She
turned to him and said softly, "Whatever mistakes your father has made,
you can be sure they were motivated by desperation, not malice and not
depravity."
Ashley moaned. "That may all be true,
but what do these 'mistakes' mean for our family? For Mother?"
Sara turned to face Ashley again. Before
she could respond, Cameron said, resuming the neck massage, "Why don't you
ask him about it?" Sara tipped her head back so that Cameron could rub her
head too.
"I don't know if I have the
nerve."
"All you have to say is: 'Father, when
you embraced Sara at the wedding, it looked as if you wanted her to know that
you're attracted to her. Why would you do that?'"
"He'll brush me off. Tell me I'm
imagining things."
"So what if he does?"
"Then I'll say, 'I'm not blind,
Father, and I'm not a child. How can you do something like this to Sara? To
Cameron? To Mother? Don't any of us mean anything to you anymore?'"
"I think it would be good for him to
hear you say that."
"You know I won't get a straight
answer out of him," Ashley said.
"It doesn't matter," Cameron
said. "He needs to hear what you have to say."
"But I want answers!"
"I think you'll get your answers soon
enough, Ashley."
"Just how far gone is he?"
"All I can tell you is that the
situation is probably not as bad as you suspect in some ways. In other ways,
though, I'm certain it's far worse."
Ashley stood up. "I wish I could say
you've made me feel better."
"How do you think I feel?"
"I'm sorry, Cameron." Ashley
hugged him tightly, then shook her head at Sara sympathetically. "He did
make several comments about your beauty. You don't seem conscious of it, Sara,
but you're beautiful. Like Snow White. But you're also incredibly intelligent
and real--no shallow fairy tale princess. I guess when it gets right down to it
I'm not surprised you would be the one my father would fall for. I'm just kind
of sorry I helped my mother make you into a 'hot bride.'" Ashley's eyes
filled with tears. "It's rather ironic . . . you
know?"
"I'm not sorry you made her into a hot
bride," Cameron said, attempting to be pleasant. "After all, the
groom's the one who's supposed to matter, isn't he?"
"Absolutely. Would you like me to
bring lunch too?"
Cameron shook his head. "We may hike
out again. But dinner would be nice. You can tell us how your talk with Father
went."
Ashley turned toward the door. "We'll
see."
After she left, Sara communicated, She doesn't sound as if she thinks it will
go well.
Cameron
kissed Sara and sat down at the little table. I really wish she hadn't seen what happened.
So do I. I think you're right, though, that
she should say something to him about it. It's going to kill him when he finds
out that she knows, but he needs to wake up and start getting a realistic view
of how his actions are affecting all of us.
The table
jiggled as Cameron moved his chair closer to it. I don't know, Sara. I'm not sure he cares how much he's hurting anyone
but you. He extended his legs and wrapped them around hers.
Sara slid a plate of scrambled eggs toward
Cameron. Oh, but he does. If he's not
acting like it, it's because he's convinced himself that those who should be
hurt can't be for some reason.
As Sara
lifted her cup of juice to her lips, Cameron reached for a fork. What do you mean?
Well, first of all, he doesn't believe your
mother loves him.
Then he's blind. That can't be true. Cameron stabbed a large chunk
of egg.
It
doesn't matter. It's what he thinks.
Obviously, then, if he doesn't believe she loves him, he doesn't believe he can
hurt her by pursuing me.
Cameron
nodded slowly as he ate. That does make a
strange sort of sense.
Now take that one step further. He's been
married for twenty-two years to a woman he doesn't believe loves him. It's made
him lonely to the point of desperation. He is seriously unhappy. He knows
firsthand the nightmare of being trapped in a marriage with no passion.
Cameron set
his fork on his plate and shook his head. I
can't believe their marriage was always that bad! In fact, I know it wasn't. When I was a child, they were devoted
to each other. I remember smiles and hugs and happiness.
Sara
finished drinking her juice and set the cup on the table. I'm sure you're right. It doesn't matter. Your father thinks that your mother never loved him and that
he's trapped in a marriage with no passion.
What are you trying to say?
That in his twisted way, he really did see
you as a younger version of himself marrying a woman who couldn't feel passion
for you because she was in love with him and had been for months.
Boy, that is twisted.
Do you understand what I'm getting at?
I think so. You believe that my father was
basically honest in everything he told you.
Sara nodded.
He really did think you would be better
off not being married to me because if you continued in the marriage, you would
end up unhappy.
Cameron took
a drink, then reached for his bagel. Which
brings us back to your original theory, that he didn't believe he could hurt me
by pursuing you. He thought that giving me long-term happiness was worth
inflicting short-term pain.
Right, and as far as the other colonists
go, they've always trusted him before, so why wouldn't they trust him when he
announces his plans to divorce your mother and remarry?
I'm not sure I can believe my father's that
naïve.
Your father's relationship with the other
colonists is far different from yours. He has surrounded himself with people he
respects and who respect him. It has never entered his head that they might
reject him for a decision to divorce your mother. In his mind, he is justified,
so they, as intelligent people, will obviously recognize that. It doesn't even
occur to him that they would be disturbed by the fact that I'm so much younger
than he is. He sees me as his equal and expects them to see me the way he does.
You may have a point, Cameron
admitted.
Sara wiped a dab of cream cheese off of
Cameron's cheek and let him lick it from her finger. Your father may not be the righteous man he once was, but he is still a
good man and would never intentionally hurt anyone, least of all the members of
his family.
The cruel things he's said to me have
seemed intentional.
That evening you were sustained as bishop,
you became his rival, both in colony leadership and in your relationship with
me. He's incredibly jealous of you. He's been ignoring the fact that you're his
son, but it smacked him in the face when I told him how hurt you were by what
he had done. He was horrified.
He finally realized that I'm the one you
love.
No, it was more than that. It bothered him
that you knew everything.
That still doesn't explain all the years of
treating me like a fanatic and a freak for wanting to live the gospel.
Cameron popped the last bit of bagel into his mouth.
Your
father's been heading in the wrong direction ever since the Zarrists showed up
on Earth. Since then you've been a constant reminder of what he's turning away
from. Of what he once was.
So his treatment of me may be more a
reflection of how he feels about the Church than how he feels about me.
No.
Deep down, he loves the Church and wants to keep his covenants, including his
marriage to your mother. I think that turning his back on those things is
causing him a lot of mental turmoil. His unkind treatment of you is more a
reflection of what he thinks of himself than what he thinks of either you or
the Church.
You're either delusional, or you really do
know him well.
Sara looked
away from Cameron. I know him too well. No wonder he was so certain I was in
love with him. I really was on the brink of having an affair with a married
man. The realization made her feel
queasy with guilt.
Sara heard Cameron crumple his cup in his
hand and drop it on his plate. Stop it,
Sara. Stop it right now! None of this is your fault!
Sara rubbed
her forehead and muttered, "It isn't right that I should know him so
well."
"Well, you do, and maybe at this
point that isn't a bad thing. You can use that understanding to help me. I don't
feel as if I know him at all."
Hearing Cameron's voice rendered force to
his words. Perhaps he was right. If her understanding of Ben could help Cameron
in any way, maybe it wasn't altogether shameful.
Sara felt Cameron's hands on hers and
finally looked up at him again. He was gazing at her, troubled. "I'm serious,
Sara. As hard as I try, I can't think of my father as anything but an apostate
and an adulterer."
Sara forced herself to relax. "I don't
think he's an adulterer."
"Maybe not in the complete physical
sense, but at heart he is."
Sara nodded slowly. After everything that
had happened, how could she disagree with him?
"Sara, I need help."
Sara attempted to smile. The situation really is absurd. You don't
know him any better than he knows you, and yet you should, because you're
incredibly alike.
Cameron
appeared shocked. How so?
In intelligence and temperament, in your
expressions and deeply held convictions-- everything.
So if I want to understand my father and
feel compassion for him, I should simply put myself in his place.
Sara nodded.
Cameron really did want to feel compassion for his father and forgive him. That
was good. He wouldn't be capable of aiding him spiritually if he couldn't. You could start by remembering how hurt you
were the other day when I wouldn't tell you what was bothering me. Now compound
that feeling over twenty-two years, and you will get an idea of what your
father is feeling right now.
He did say that my mother wouldn't yell at
him or confide in him.
Had I not told you what your father had
done, what would our relationship be like in twenty-two years?
Twenty-two years of being shut out of your
heart? I would probably think I had done something wrong and that you wished
you had never married me.
And it wouldn't matter that the thing I was
keeping from you had nothing to do with you.
I can't even comprehend such torture. Do
you really think my mother is shutting him out somehow?
All I know is that he believes it.
Cameron
drummed his fingers on the table, staring thoughtfully.
And
consider this. The planet didn't
detect any lies.
Cameron
focused on Sara again. That may not mean
much. We've only been here a week. The planet may not have enough information
to make a judgment like that.
True. Then again, it does seem to be
sensitive to lying, and not just lying, but any misrepresentation of a person's
true feelings. Two things are certain--your father is basically honest and your
mother has been fundamentally what your father claims she is for at least a
week.
Cameron wasn't
sure what that meant, but he didn't like the possibilities. He didn't want to
believe that his mother was in any way responsible for the problems in her
marriage. It was so much easier to put all of the blame on one person and none
on the other, especially since his father's outrageous actions made him the
obvious person on whom to fix fault. What
a mess.
*
When Ashley brought dinner to Sara and
Cameron that evening, her eyes were bloodshot and dismal, as if she had spent
the day crying. "What happened?" Cameron demanded, taking the tray of
food from her hands.
"He completely ignored me. I got him
alone on the way to lunch and said exactly what you told me to say. He walked
away and hasn't so much as looked at me all day."
Sara suddenly wasn't sure that she knew
what was going on in Ben's mind. She turned toward Cameron. "That isn't so
bad . . . is it? He didn't talk to her, but at least he didn't
lie about what happened."
Cameron appeared thoughtful as he set the
tray on the table. "Did he seem angry, Ashley?"
"Angry?" Ashley shrugged.
"Who knows? His expression was completely blank, both before I spoke to
him and after. He was like a robot."
"He's in shock," Sara said
softly. Cameron nodded slowly. After Ashley left, Sara touched Cameron's
thoughts with her own. We must have
gotten through to him. What do you think he'll do now?
I guess we'll find out tomorrow, when we
see him. If he sincerely loves you and is as decent as you think he is, he'll
be humble, docile, and on the road to repentance. If not, he'll declare war.
Late Saturday afternoon Sharad met Trendaul
as he came out of the temple. "We just received some important news. You
need to come straight home."
"What's going on?"
Sharad began walking, his back to the
temple. "The president of your country announced that a large fleet of
enemy ships is approaching Earth. He's advising everyone to go underground and
prepare for invasion."
"So it's beginning." Trendaul
looked one last time at the temple. A haze had descended on it, veiling the
lights and giving it a misty, surreal appearance. It almost seemed to glow.
"Yes. And Earth will never be the same
again."
Trendaul turned away from the temple and
walked beside Sharad. Although he felt no closer to a decision, he did feel a
little more relaxed. Or was he simply numb? "If we survive this invasion,
I suppose Gavaun will be pushing to leave in a few days."
"As soon as Nexyun and Jaxzeran are on
their way."
As Sharad repeated several of the
news reports he had heard, Trendaul watched the sun, a deep red-orange ball,
sink in the hazy sky. The light behind the sun seemed brighter than it should
have been, casting an eerie glow over the trees. Odd.
The sun had sunk behind the trees by the
time Trendaul and Sharad turned into Trendaul's driveway, but the sky was
brighter than ever. Trendaul stopped and looked around, puzzled. Something wasn't
right. In every direction he looked, the sky was whitening instead of
darkening.
"What's happening?" Sharad asked.
Trendaul couldn't force his gaze away from
the sky. "I don't know. I've never seen anything like this before."
Hearing the front door open, Trendaul turned and saw Teri. "What are you
two doing out--?" She looked up abruptly. "What's happening? Are we
being invaded already?"
"No," Sharad responded.
"Warships use lasers and projectiles. The light would be
concentrated."
Peace poured through Trendaul with such
intensity that he felt giddy, as if the Lord Himself were embracing him with
His arms and His love. "The light comes from God. It's to protect us from
the invasion." He was safe. He was safe! Sharad was wrong!
"How extraordinary," Sharad
breathed.
Understanding and amazement softened Teri's
face. "Do you really think so, Tren?" She walked across the lawn to
him and slipped her arm around his waist. Gavaun and the kids followed her out
of the house, their faces tilted heavenward.
Trendaul heard a storm door crash open and
turned to see what house the sound had come from. Across the street and down a
house, a blond-haired man in his thirties emerged with a woman who had an arm
over her head, as if trying to protect it from blows. Both carried wiggling,
barking blanket bundles. The man glanced fearfully at the sky before he got
into the car in the driveway closest to the street. The woman didn't look up
once as she ran to the other side of the car.
The couple from across the street hadn't
reached the next intersection when the front door to the house next to Trendaul's
was thrown open. Out came a couple with three teenage children. They, too,
appeared anxious and afraid. Before the man could get into his vehicle and
drive away with his family, Sharad jogged across the lawn and took hold of his
arm. "What is the matter, sir? Where are you going in such a hurry?"
"The aliens have us in their
sights," the man said frantically. "We have to get out while there's
still a chance! What are you waiting for?" He broke free of Sharad's grip
and jumped into his truck. Within seconds, it was gone.
"That was weird," Teri said.
Trendaul looked around. The light in the sky was whiter than ever, illuminating
the details of every tree branch and reflecting brilliantly off of cars and
house windows.
Doors began opening up and down the street.
Trendaul's neighbors flowed into their cars and into the traffic jam that
appeared to be developing a couple of streets down. Trendaul discerned a few of
the comments, his awe growing. "We're being invaded! . . .
The aliens are burning us with their strange light! . . . They
can read our minds! . . . They mean to kill us with
terror!"
Trendaul and his family told as many as
they could that the light was from God and was there to protect them and that
they would be far safer if they would go back into their houses. The terrified
people refused to believe the terrible light was from God, however, and
continued the exodus at a frenetic pace.
Eventually all of the families who wanted
to go were gone, and the only families left were ones like Trendaul's, baffled
witnesses to a bizarre phenomenon.
"Why were they so terrified,
Dad?" Aaron asked.
"I have to believe it's because they
perceive God as a source of punishment, not protection."
"Because of their
sins?"
"Perhaps. It can be a horrifying thing
to have all of the hidden corners of your soul suddenly illuminated and shoved
into your face."
"Especially when you think all of your
secret thoughts are running non-stop on an alien ship's video screens!"
Josh said with a chuckle.
"It's the stuff of nightmares,"
Teri agreed.
"Those poor people," Gavaun said.
"Where will they go?"
"There is no place for them to
go," Sharad said sadly. "Many of them will die."
"Well, not all of our neighbors are
doomed to watch the invasion from their cars. Let's find out what they think of
all this." Teri began walking toward one of the families that remained.
Trendaul immediately followed her, the rest of his family close behind.
Within minutes, all of the remaining
families had gathered and were chattering about what had happened. One of the
families was Jewish and native to Montgomery County, another was Hispanic,
another was from Pakistan, and the other was from Hong Kong. Their political
beliefs were as diverse as their religious ones, and Trendaul was a little
surprised to learn that the Chinese family considered themselves Federalists
and liked many of the things Tohmazz Zarr was doing. As far as any of them
could ascertain, the only thing they had in common was that they all believed
the new light had come from God to protect them from the imminent invasion.
By the time everyone had separated to take
cover, the light had become so intense that the neighborhood appeared to be
shimmering with it. Had Trendaul and his family spent the night in their
bedrooms, sleep would have been difficult. Instead, they slept in sleeping bags
on the basement floor. The children dropped off one by one to the various
voices of men and women reporting the news.
Apparently pockets of "mystery
light" had popped up all over the world, blanketing, for the most part,
the Cooperative Communities established by the Guardians of Earth's
Governments. In the Washington, D.C. area, the light covered southern
Montgomery County and much of the District of Columbia, including the museums
and monuments downtown. The light had descended on other world capitals as
well.
Chaos ignited as people either struggled to
flee from it or escape into it, depending on whether they thought the light was
from the enemy aliens or from God. A small percentage of the population
rejected both theories, believing instead that the "mystery light"
was some sort of exotic natural phenomenon. They flocked to the light in order
to study it. Some were satisfied with a mere glimpse; others considered it the
most beautiful thing they had ever seen and disappeared into it.
The world at large thought the
"mystery light" proved what everyone had believed all along--that the
Guardians of Earth's Governments had always been made up of rebels, extremists,
and idiots. After all, what intelligent person would move into a ground-zero city such as Washington, D.C. for refuge? Had
the Guardians any sense, they would have gathered to the mountains!
As Trendaul's family watched a news report
about the "mystery light," Sharad turned to Trendaul and gazed at him
in a penetrating way. "It appears that this light from heaven drives away
the cowards. A truly brave person, one who is determined to come into the light
despite the terror it holds, could easily get close to any of us."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Teri demanded.
Fear stabbed Trendaul. Again, Sharad made
sense. Maybe the light from God couldn't completely protect him. "I don't
want to talk about this now." All he needed was for Sharad to upset Teri
with talk of David's danger.
"Well I do!" Teri said. "Why
do you think one of Zarr's people might want to get close to us, Sharad? Or are
you just trying to scare us into going to Novaun?"
"I would never do that." Sharad
glanced at Trendaul. "Do you want to tell her, or should I?"
Trendaul's eyes flitted around the room;
all five of his younger children were asleep. "You can, but softly!"
As Sharad detailed his concerns to Teri,
Trendaul's mind convulsed. Was he in danger or wasn't he? What was his duty to
Novaun and the Avenauntas? What was Teri's duty to the Pierces? How could he
take her away from David now? How could he remain if his days on Earth really
were numbered? Wouldn't his duty, then, be to keep himself alive so that he
could take care of his wife and children?
As Teri listened to Sharad's speculations,
her expression changed from one of skepticism to alarm. She turned in
perplexity to Trendaul. "If we go, I may lose my brother. If we stay, I
may lose you. What are we supposed to do?"
"Take David with us," Gavaun said
urgently. "Both he and Trendaul will be safe on Novaun."
"David would refuse to go!" Teri
said, her tone touched with hysteria.
"Teri's right," Trendaul agreed.
"David wouldn't go."
"Then it's even more imperative that
you leave with us as soon as we can get away," Sharad said. "If Zarr
decides he wants David, he may use all of you as leverage against him."
"Oh . . ." Teri
moaned, pressing her forehead against Trendaul's shoulder.
"I still think we should take him with
us," Gavaun said. "The two of you will just have to convince him
somehow."
"I'm not even convinced myself that
returning to Novaun is the right thing to do," Trendaul admitted.
"You cannot be serious!" Gavaun
said, far too loudly.
Teri nodded quickly, her eyes glowing with
a strange light. "Oh, he's serious. He wants to go, and he wants to stay;
he needs to go and he needs to stay. He really can't make up his mind, so it's
time I did it for him."
Trendaul listened to his wife, stunned. As
long as he had known her, she had never made a decision for him, and for a
flash of a second he was furious.
"Gavaun, Sharad, you have my
permission to tie him up and carry him to the frigate if he refuses to go any
other way, but you have to promise me we won't leave until I've had a chance to
warn my brother."
*
As Trendaul lay in the sleeping bags he and
Teri had zipped together, his emotions bounced from anger to bafflement to
panic to humiliation. He wanted to draw Teri close as he always did, but she
seemed like such a stranger at the moment that he wasn't sure she would want
him to touch her.
After many minutes, Teri whispered in
frustration, "You're angry."
Trendaul tentatively rested his hand on her
arm. "I guess I am. A little."
"Maybe I was wrong to say what I said,
but I'm frightened."
Of course she was frightened. He was in
danger and so was her brother. Returning to Novaun was the logical thing to do.
Why, then, couldn't he feel good about it? Was it wrong to go home for some
reason, or was Gavaun right? Was his fear of losing Teri paralyzing him? Why
couldn't he make this decision? "I'm sorry your husband is such a
jellyfish."
"If you decide to stand up to your
brother and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you will remain on Earth--and feel good about it--I'll support
you."
"Even though the possibility frightens
you?"
"I'm willing to accept the illogical,
terrifying path if it's the right
one."
"I don't feel good about either path.
That's the problem."
"Then it seems to me that the best
alternative is to follow the logical path, the one to Novaun."
"What about David?"
"David has it in his mind that he'll
be alive when the Savior comes. You know how determined he is to defend the
Constitution and be a part of saving this nation."
Trendaul smiled to himself. "I
know." David's hero had always been the passionate and brilliant Book of
Mormon general Captain Moroni. David would be a modern-day Captain Moroni and
hold up the Constitution as the Title of Liberty or die trying. Trendaul could
not see him going to Novaun. Trendaul couldn't see him falling to pressure from
Zarr either, despite Sharad's concern, but who knew? One thing was certain--if
Zarr was aware of David and wanted him, he was aware of David's zeal and would
use a recruiting tactic strong enough to counter it.
Teri reached for Trendaul's hand.
"David won't go to Novaun. Period. And as a marked man, Tren, you're
powerless to help him, so it makes no sense to stay here for him. The best we
can do is warn him about what may be coming."
Trendaul finally pulled Teri close.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe once we begin seriously preparing to go to
Novaun, the correctness of that decision will become obvious."
"You'll either get a good feeling
about it, or you'll get such a bad feeling that you'll have no qualms about
sending your brother and Sharad on their way without us."
*
The next several days crept by in panic as
people all over Earth prepared for doom to crash down on them. Air and rail
travel stopped. Ships on the high seas prepared to wait out the storm. Drivers
and pedestrians clogged the roads as they tried to flee the "mystery
light." People raided grocery stores and left them bare. They hurt each
other in their frenzy and filled the hospitals. They preached in the streets,
urging faith in God or prophesying the death of civilization, while the International
Star Force prepared to meet the attack.
Admirals Nexyun and Jaxzeran charged into
Earth's space territory with their fleets late Thursday afternoon. Trendaul
couldn't muster any pity for Zarr as he watched pieces of the battle on
television. One by one, Nexyun and Jaxzeran destroyed Zarr's warships as they
advanced on his fleet, and then the impossible happened. A passenger ship fired
on Jaxzeran's flagship and obliterated it. Zarr's remaining auxiliary ships
surrounded Nexyun and Jaxzeran's fleets in a sphere formation and fired.
"Zarr armed his entire fleet!"
Gavaun said in astonishment.
Sharad couldn't believe it either.
"Who would have thought he could get so much strength from this primitive
planet in only three years?"
Fear pressed on Trendaul. This Zarr-Earth
alliance was destined to produce a fierce galactic power unlike any Novaun and
the rest of the civilized galaxy had ever seen. He prayed Novaunian Fleet was
ready. "Zarr is shrewd and desperate, and the Earthons are bonded and
bullheaded."
"Let us hope Nexyun is bullheaded
enough to continue fighting, despite his losses and Jaxzeran's death, or we may
be stranded," Gavaun muttered.
Nexyun's forces and the remains of Jaxzeran's
fleet did continue to fight and Zarr's fleet dwindled. An hour into the battle,
the news blinked off, leaving a sinister crackle on Trendaul's television set.
"They're destroying the satellites," he said quietly.
Gavaun nodded in relief. "Before the
night is over, they will finish off Zarr's fleet and turn on Earth."
Sara and Cameron walked hand-in-hand to the
dining hall Saturday morning, their spirits caressing. Sara could feel Cameron's
apprehension, which mirrored her own. Neither had spoken with Cameron's father
since Thursday afternoon, when he had run humiliated out of their house, and
that discouraged them. Sara had half-expected Ben to call her and apologize for
the way he had treated her. Cameron had hoped his father would call him. They
had considered waiting until later in the morning to eat breakfast, in hope of
avoiding Cameron's father altogether, but had decided they wanted to get this
meeting over with as soon as possible.
The trails were empty that morning, which
puzzled Sara. I wonder where everyone is.
Certainly not every single person in the colony is at breakfast.
Perhaps they've planned something.
You mean a party?
Cameron
nodded. It would be like my mother to do
something like that. My father too . . . under different
circumstances.
Sara's body tensed. Oh great. That's all we need this morning.
Cameron stopped and pulled Sara into his
arms. Please don't be upset. Look at it
this way. My father will be on his best behavior.
Sara
gazed into Cameron's earnest eyes and nodded. You're probably right.
Cameron
squeezed Sara and released her, then began leading her down the trail again. We're probably worried for nothing.
Sara
laughed nervously. Keep dreaming.
They didn't meet a single person on their
way to the dining hall. When they finally gained the courage to open the door,
they both knew they would find something out of the ordinary on the other side.
As they entered the huge room, cheers, applause, and flying rice and confetti
greeted them.
"Surprise!" the colonists cried.
"It's about time you came back, Bubble
Babe!" Jordan called.
"Hey, she's not Bubble Babe,
anymore," Tony said loudly, "she's the bishop's babe!" Everyone
laughed.
Sara glanced around the room, stunned and
touched. She couldn't help but rest her eyes on Ben, who stood at the front of
the group next to Barbara. Sara wanted to avert her eyes, more for his sake
than her own, but she couldn't. He smiled at her tenderly and motioned to the
arrangement of furniture that was positioned against the wall. "For the
newly-weds."
Sara wanted to laugh with relief. Ben
finally understood that Cameron was the man she loved and wanted as a husband.
Sara could feel Cameron's astonishment. A party would have been a nice show of
acceptance, but furniture for their home was a real peace offering.
Still dazed, Cameron slipped his arm around
Sara and led her to the collection of furniture to see what was there. Ashley,
Brandon, and Adam jogged ahead of them. Sara heard chairs move and knew that
several of the colonists were following. "Look at this, Cameron,"
Adam said with excitement. "You get your own synthesizing machines now.
You and Sara won't have to eat here all the time anymore."
Brandon sat down in the small blue leather
recliner and extended the leg piece. "The recliner was my idea. I knew you
two would like it better than a love seat."
Cameron smiled. "Thanks,
Brandon."
Ashley patted the stack of teal and
china-blue linens that were neatly folded on the little round oak table,
directing her words to Sara. "Mother and I chose a color scheme to match
the porcelain that Cameron brought back from China." She didn't smile.
"He did show the porcelain to you,
didn't he, Sara?" Adam asked.
Sara glanced at Cameron. His spirit
convulsed, as if he were on the verge of laughing. "No, Adam," Sara
said, sharing Cameron's amusement. "We didn't quite get around to
that."
Ashley motioned to the miniature china
cabinet. "And now you'll have someplace to put the porcelain when you
unpack it." Her eyes gravitated toward her father, narrowing a little in
skepticism.
Cameron turned toward Ben. "I can't
believe you did this."
Ben tilted his head toward Barbara.
"It was your mother's idea."
Cameron embraced his mother tightly.
"Thank you."
When he released her, Barbara said, smiling
radiantly. "You deserve it."
Cameron then stepped to the side and
embraced his father, telepathically drifting from Sara. She wasn't sure whether
he wanted privacy or whether he simply wasn't capable of communicating in a
meaningful way with more than one person at the same time yet. She guessed the
latter. Telepathy was too intimate and intense, and there were, for the time
being, too many distractions. Cameron held his father a couple of seconds
longer than he had held his mother, whispering something in his ear that Sara
couldn't hear. When Cameron released him, Ben stared at him, pale and shaken.
Sara took the opportunity to give Barbara a
hug. "Thank you, Mother. It's all so beautiful."
"It was the least we could do."
When she released her, she looked at Ben
again and saw that he was studying Cameron, his golden brown brows drawn
together in a frown. It was almost as if he were asking himself: "If I was
wrong about Sara, what else have I been wrong about?"
"Why won't you hug Father, Sara?"
Adam whispered to Sara. "Are you mad at him?"
Sara moved toward Cameron. "No, not at
all."
"I doubt anyone could make Sara angry
this morning," Barbara said, amused.
Cameron faced the colonists and said, his
voice soft with gratitude, "Thank you, all of you, for whatever you did to
contribute to this wonderful gift." He waved his hands toward the buffet
table. "Now get your breakfast. Please!"
Many of the colonists laughed. "Not
before the bride and groom!" Sean Marshall said.
Cameron grinned and stretched his hand
toward Sara. "If you insist!"
Before Cameron could take Sara's hand to
lead her to the buffet table, Barbara squeezed her arm and whispered into her
ear, "Your father-in-law went to a great deal of effort for you. If you
don't hug him, you'll hurt his feelings."
Sara suspected Barbara was more concerned
about appearing to be a happy, affectionate family in front of the colonists
than Ben's feelings. "Father understands. Now if you would excuse us, we'd
like to get some breakfast."
Barbara's grip on Sara's arm tightened.
Barbara pulled her a little in one direction and pushed her a little in
another, and within a couple of moments, Sara found herself standing so close
to Ben that she was almost touching him. If she didn't embrace him now,
everyone in the colony would notice and know something wasn't right, especially
since she had refrained from hugging him at the wedding and had been, up until
that time, on such affectionate terms with him. Obviously Barbara assumed Sara
would go ahead and hug Ben rather than call attention to herself.
Sara had never lived in a grand and
glorious house built of modeling blocks and didn't intend to move into one now,
but before she could wrench her arm out of Barbara's hold and jog over to the
buffet table, Ben withdrew his gaze from Cameron and frowned at her. He turned
his head slightly and took in Barbara. When he ascertained what was happening,
something inside of him snapped.
Ben focused on Barbara, his eyes fierce and
his mouth a straight line.
Sara couldn't believe this was happening.
"Please, Father, don't do it," she begged.
Ben ignored Sara's warning and extended his
arm to her, inviting her to hug him.
Sara didn't move. She knew that Ben would
not be showcasing her refusal to hug him were he not enraged at Barbara, but
this was not the way to respond and it certainly wasn't the place!
"Go ahead," Barbara urged.
Hugging Ben was not an option, and running
away from him would generate more curiosity than less. Unable to see any other
alternatives, Sara softly said, "No." Perhaps the awkward moment
would pass quietly and she and Cameron could get their breakfast without having
to answer questions.
"What's the matter with you,
Sara?" Barbara whispered in desperation. "Do you want us all to look
like fools?"
"If you would just let go of my arm,
Barbara," Sara whispered in the most pleasant tone she could muster,
"no one will notice anything out of the ordinary."
"It's too late for that," Barbara
said.
Sara glanced around and saw that everyone
was staring at her and Ben, waiting and wondering. Barbara was right. It was
too late. Her tactic hadn't worked. Sara could almost feel the toy-block house
crash down around her and thought its fall should make her feel like cheering.
She felt, however, surprisingly lacerated and out of balance instead, as if the
ground had turned into a mound of jelly and glass.
Ben gazed at Sara in desolation and
respect, lowering his arm. "Sara doesn't want to hug me," he said to
Barbara in a tense voice. "I understand that and accept it. She told you that I understand and accept
it. Would it have been too much to ask for you to respect her wishes without
making a scene?"
"I'm not the one making a scene!"
Barbara whispered through her teeth. She was trying to smile. "Sara, give
your father-in-law a hug. I'm sure he's sorry for whatever he did to annoy
you."
Ben extended his arm to Sara again,
mouthing the words, "I am sorry,
Sara. Sincerely."
"I know," Sara said as softly as
she could manage.
"I was a fool not to believe
you."
"Yes, you were, but your apology
changes nothing. I won't hug you."
Ben lowered his arm. "I'd be
disappointed in you if you did." Barbara groaned a little in
mortification. Ben headed to a table, shaking his head.
"What's going on?" Brandon
whispered to Ashley. His voice seemed to blare in the silent room. "I
thought Father and Sara liked each other."
"Oh, Father likes Sara, all
right," Ashley said in disgust. "Guaranteed."
"You make it sound as if it's wrong
for Father to like Sara," Adam said.
"He likes her quite a bit too much.
That's the problem."
"He does?" Brandon replied in
disbelief.
Barbara released Sara's arm and turned
abruptly to Brandon. "Of course your father likes Sara a lot. So do
I."
Sara immediately grabbed Cameron's hand and
yanked him toward the buffet table. She was glad in a way that the Carrolls
were finally communicating, but she was exasperated they hadn't been capable of
doing it in the privacy of their own home. Now the entire colony would get
involved with their problems, and that would make what was already a painful
situation into a nightmare.
"That wasn't what Ashley meant,
Mother," Brandon said curiously. "Was it?"
"Of course that's what she meant.
There was nothing else she could have meant. Was there, Ashley?" Barbara
whispered, her tone firm.
"Of course not, Mother," Ashley
said sweetly. The volume of her voice was normal, as if she wanted to invite
everyone in the colony to listen to her family's dispute, but her voice
quivered with outrage. "Because it isn't possible that the great Benjamin
Carroll would be lusting after his son's wife!"
The colony laughed. Of course no one
believed it. Sara wouldn't have believed it either had it not happened to her
personally. She tried to act as if she didn't care what was being said as she
maneuvered around the camp tables, dragging Cameron behind her.
Trevor Carroll laughed as much as anyone.
"Where in the world did you get a crazy idea like that, Ashley?" he
asked.
"From my father himself. After the
wedding, when Sara offered to shake hands, he gave her an incredibly erotic
hug." The room became silent again. Sara stopped in front of the buffet
table, stroking Cameron's arm as he came up beside her. She reached for a
plate, her hand shaking.
"Define 'erotic hug,'" Barbara
demanded.
"He pressed his whole body against
hers. Let me tell you, from Sara's perspective, there couldn't have been much
left to the imagination."
Sara suddenly felt flustered. She gazed at
the plate in her hand, wondering what to do next. Trembling, she lifted her
fingers to her temple.
"So your father gave Sara an 'erotic
hug' in front of the entire colony which none of us witnessed," Barbara
said skeptically.
Sara felt Cameron's hand on her back.
"Let me do it for you," he whispered. Sara nodded and handed him her
plate.
"I was close to them. You weren't. And
it happened fast."
"What you suggest is preposterous,
Ashley," Trevor said. "Your father would never do something like
that. You must be mistaken."
"I'm not so sure about that,
Trev," Cyndi said. "You know your brother has a strange relationship
with Sara."
"He did call you late Monday night to make an appointment for
Sara," Trevor conceded.
"And that's about as strange as it
gets. Sara herself wasn't happy about it, and if she refused to embrace him on
that basis alone, I would understand. I, for one, want to know what else Ben's
been up to, and I think the colony would like to know too."
Tony slammed his fist down on his table.
Startled, Sara turned to look at him. "So would I!" Tony stood up.
"Ashley wasn't the only witness to the erotic hug. Since I was at the
piano, I was close enough to see it too."
"You did?" Trevor said, troubled.
He looked over at Ben, pondering. Ben looked from speaker to speaker, listening
to the proceedings impassively.
Tony nodded. "Ashley wasn't
exaggerating. It was a full-body press. The sort of hug a man gives a woman
when he intends to get very friendly."
Sara was relieved to see that many of the
colonists, obviously uncomfortable with where this discussion was going, were
gathering around the breakfast table and quickly loading their plates,
whispering to their children that they were going to take their food outside
and have a picnic.
Trevor raised his eyebrows at Tony.
"So you're saying he made a pass at her."
Both Tony and Ashley nodded vigorously.
"It was a pass, all right," Tony said.
"Absolutely," Ashley added,
taking her mother's arm and sitting down with her on Sara and Cameron's new
couch. She said a few words to Barbara that Sara couldn't hear. She appeared
indignant, yet filled with compassion, as if she believed that she was
revealing information her mother was entitled to know. Sara wished Ben had been
courageous enough to explain the situation to Barbara himself.
Cyndi stood up and approached Sara, smiling
at her kindly. "Just be honest with us, Sara. Did Ben hug you in the way
Ashley and Tony claim?"
Sara glanced at Ben, then across the room
at Barbara, who appeared as impassive as Ben did. Sara had no idea what to say.
She couldn't make what happened public and damage Ben's reputation and
humiliate Barbara. At the same time, however, she couldn't lie and say it was
nothing. Even if she knew how to lie, she couldn't risk offending the planet-spirit,
and she certainly didn't want to say anything that would make Ashley and Tony
look like fools, especially since they were right. Several possible responses
flew through Sara's mind, but all of them were inane. Unless she lied outright,
everyone would assume the worst.
"Well?" Cyndi asked.
Sara hesitated, then forced herself to
smile. "I understand your concern, but this isn't the time or the place to
discuss my relationship with Ben Carroll." She slipped her arm under
Cameron's, allowing him to move her as he walked away from the buffet table,
carrying two plates of food. Brandon followed with two cups of milk, Adam with
a plate of fruit.
"Thanks, you two," Cameron
whispered to his brothers. Sara almost reached out to Cameron with her thoughts
to get his advice, then decided against it. She could not take the chance that
she would lose her focus.
Cyndi walked beside Sara. "We just
want the truth."
Sara shook her head. She couldn't bring
herself to talk about it. Cameron set the plates on an empty table near where
his father was sitting and sat Sara down in an empty chair. Brandon and Adam
set the drinks and plate of fruit on the satiny white tablecloth, then headed
back toward the buffet table. Sara removed an orange section from the plate of
fruit. Cameron sat down cater-corner from her, his knee gently sliding under
hers beneath the table.
Brother and Sister Vance walked over to the
Carroll tables and stood behind Ben. Brother Vance motioned to Sara and spoke
to Cyndi. "She's a pretty little girl. Ben Carroll is a mere mortal man,
unlike that would-be-prophet son of his. A mere mortal man hugging a pretty
little girl can get carried away. Even if it happened, it proves nothing."
Sara tingled with desire to run out of the
room. She gripped the bottom of her chair, fighting the urge, knowing that if
she did run away, the colonists would know without a doubt she was nothing more
than a silly little girl. A sophisticated man like Ben Carroll, of course,
would never fall for a silly little girl, so they would have proof that the 'wedding
hug' had been nothing more than the delusion of a naïve child and her silly
young friends. Maybe running out of the room was an option after all.
"You didn't want to embrace Ben at all
after the wedding," Cyndi said. "Why? What did Ben do to make you
uncomfortable before the wedding
hug?"
Leave it to a perceptive woman like Cyndi
to ignore the ambiguous wedding hug and charge right into the territory that
mattered. Sara tapped on the bottom of her chair, irritated that she had been
forced into this impossible position. She understood the colonists' concern,
but Ben was not a pervert or sexual predator. He was a desperately lonely man
with an intolerable marriage who had made a mistake, and there was no way she
was going to allow these uninformed people to use her testimony to condemn him!
"Well?" Sister Eagle pressed.
Tony shook his finger at Ben. "He's
been after her for months."
"What makes you think Dr. Carroll has
been after Sara for months?" asked Russ Brodsky, appearing as disturbed as
Tony was.
"The intent way he looks at her. The
way he talks to her. The unconscious, doting way he touches her."
"That means nothing," Sister
Vance said. "Ben Carroll is a very kind, demonstrative man."
"No. It's more than that. I spent
nearly every Saturday night with Sara and Dr. Carroll for four months. I know. I just feel like an idiot for not
seeing it sooner."
"You should feel like an idiot,
Tony," Marc said, "because you saw nothing. I was with you all of those Saturday nights, and I know."
Tony turned to Sara, his eyes demanding
vindication. Sara glared at him, feeling as if she had been backed into a
corner.
Tony shook his head at Sara. "You can't
just sit there and act as if nothing happened. When Dr. Carroll made a pass at
you, he betrayed all of us."
Sara was not going to allow anyone to blame this mess on her! She replied as
calmly as she could, "My father-in-law makes me uncomfortable. I don't care
to hug him. That doesn't mean I want to prosecute
him. Or hurt his family. Where is your compassion?"
"If our governor did make a pass at
you," said Kevin Krantz, "why would you want to defend him?"
Sara worked hard to keep her voice low and calm.
"It isn't what you think. Please leave me alone."
"Oh, come on, Sara!" Brittany
Novak exploded. "People with Dr. Carroll's kind of power ought to be held
accountable for their offenses!"
Kevin looked at Sara pointedly. "She's
trying to protect him."
"Maybe she wanted him to make a pass at her!" said Rick Dixon.
"No way!" Samantha said.
"She did run from him," Jordan
pointed out.
Ashley looked at them all as if they were
idiots. "And barfed her guts out!"
Russ rested his hand on Kevin's shoulder
and squeezed, directing his gaze at Sara. "If Kevin here had made a pass
at you, you would have slugged him, and we would have laughed, and that would
have been the end of that. Dr. Carroll's different, though, and you know
it."
Sara did know it, and she knew
that if a different young woman were in her position right now, she would be as
outraged as everyone else was. Ben had been a part of analyzing their
patriarchal blessings, after all, and was supposed to be a spiritual leader.
That he had made a pass at a student, especially one he had just married to his
son, really was sickening. She had no resources left to defend Ben, but she
could make one more plea for Barbara. "Have you no concern for his
family?"
"Since when did the Carrolls become
the only people in the colony to be immune from scrutiny?" asked Brent
Hall.
"What? Are we supposed to treat them
like some kind of royalty?" asked Erica Rice.
"We're all brothers and sisters,"
Sister Eagle said, with just enough reproach to make some of the students
squirm, "and we should act like it."
"Did my father try to get you to sleep
with him, Sara?" Ashley burst out.
Sara shook her head adamantly. "No.
Your father isn't that kind of man, Ashley. He would never do that."
"Let us be the judge of what kind of
man he is, Sara," Tony said. "Give us the facts." Russ and
several others sitting near Tony nodded.
Cyndi motioned toward Ben. "I've known
Ben and Barbara and their kids a long time. They're either perfect or they're
experts at covering up their family's flaws. If you can't bring yourself to
tell us the truth right now, Sara, today, we'll never hear it."
"We have a right to know it,"
Sister Marshall declared.
"You don't have a choice, Sara,"
Sister Vance said. "Cyndi may want to know what her brother-in-law is up
to, but some of the rest of us would like to know what you're up to."
"What's that supposed to mean,"
Tony demanded.
Sister Vance turned to Tony. "I don't
believe Sara is as innocent as you and the Carroll family think she is. She's
bold, she's aggressive, and she's very clever. Admirable traits, but hardly
those of an ingenue. We know the bishop's in love with her. You claim our
governor made a pass at her. I think it's interesting that she's romantically
connected with the two most powerful men in the colony."
"You're suggesting Sara seduced
Cameron and Uncle Ben to put herself forward in the colony?" Samantha said
in disbelief.
Cyndi laughed. "Rachel, you're
crazy!"
"There isn't an ambitious bone in Sara's
body!" Ashley protested.
"Enough!" Ben said loudly,
standing up. When everyone was looking at him in silence, he said, "It
astonishes me that you can spend so much time speculating about my actions and
motives and never once stop to actually ask
me what I did to make Sara
uncomfortable or what my intentions toward her have been."
All of the colonists who remained watched
Ben in anticipation and disbelief as he walked to the front of the group, not
far where Barbara and Ashley sat on Cameron and Sara's new couch. He turned to
face the colony. "First, I want to apologize to my family. What I'm about
to say is going to shock you and make you furious at me. Cameron is already
shocked and disgusted, and he has a right to be. I'm sorry. I didn't want it to
be this way."
Ben turned to look at his wife. "I
underestimated you, Barbara." His voice was filled with compassion.
"I didn't expect you to push so hard on the hug issue. I'm sorry I reacted
badly and brought this to the attention of the colony. I would rather have told
you this privately. I really am sorry."
Barbara gazed at Ben in bewilderment.
"You aren't actually going to respond to these ridiculous accusations are
you?"
"Yes, I am. The colony deserves to
know the truth." Ben shifted his focus to Trevor and Cyndi's table and
waved a hand in Cyndi's direction. "Cyndi, you're right. Barbara and I
have always been superb at covering up our family's imperfections. There is, in
fact, a severe imperfection we've somehow managed to cover up for some time
now. Barbara and I have been estranged for a couple of years at least."
As Adam and Brandon sat down at Sara's
table with their plates of food, Adam frowned at Brandon and whispered,
"What does 'estranged' mean?"
"It means that they live in the same
house but hardly ever talk. They're hardly ever together, like roommates
instead of husband and wife."
Adam nodded thoughtfully. "I guess
they are estranged, then, aren't they?"
Sara couldn't believe what she was hearing.
Ben and Barbara's estrangement had been a part of Brandon and Adam's life for
so long that it didn't occur to them to be shocked or even bitter. Adam didn't
even know what a loving marriage was. The situation was too tragic, too
horrible. Sara pushed her plates away and stuffed her napkin into her cup in an
effort to distract herself and maintain her composure.
"This doesn't sound like you,
Ben," Trevor said. "Why would you live like that for so long? Why
haven't you and Barbara made an effort to spend time together and talk through
your difficulties?"
"I'm not going to discuss details, but
this I will say: the estrangement has
existed too long. I don't know Barbara's feelings about the matter, but for me,
it's been unbearable. I've been considering divorce for well over a year. I'm
not sure why I haven't done it yet. Perhaps I've been reluctant to break my
covenants and throw my family into chaos. Perhaps I can't bear the thought of
losing Barbara. Or perhaps I'm simply a coward."
Barbara nodded at Ben, her expression one
of chilling calmness. "If you've felt that way for this long, then you
really are a coward."
"Do you and Mother really not want to
be together anymore?" Adam asked in confusion.
Ben shrugged a little, helplessly. "I
don't know, Adam. I really don't. What I do know is that we aren't together, and that has been
extremely difficult for me. During this difficult time of separation from your
mother, I met Sara. We communicated often online, and after she returned to
Maryland from BYU last June, I saw her nearly every week at Don Pablo's with
Tony and Jordan and Marc. Through these contacts, I grew to love her, and I was
certain she was in love with me also."
Sara wasn't surprised to hear words like
"tramp," "slut," and "whore" float in
condemnation around the room, and she wondered whether Cameron would respond or
whether he would let his father handle it. For the moment Cameron seemed
satisfied to eat his last muffin in silence, his brows in a thoughtful frown.
Ben's voice overpowered the murmurs.
"Sara is not a tramp! She never
sought my attention. On Earth we never dated. I did surprise her by showing up
at her place of employment a couple of days before we left, and we had ice
cream together. Since we left Earth, I have
looked for opportunities to talk with her alone, but we've never kissed or had
any other similar physical contact. The most intimate physical contact we've
had was the wedding hug, and I was the one who initiated that. I was angry with
her for addressing me as 'Father' and reacted without thinking. The only
explanation I can give is that I wanted to force her to admit her feelings for
me."
"What feelings?" Tony demanded.
"Sara has no feelings of passion for you! You've deceived yourself!"
"She loves Cameron," Ashley
insisted.
"She is in love with Cameron," Ben said, his voice tight with pain.
"But she feels a deep affection for me too. The feelings that developed in
her were completely spontaneous, which made them all the more precious to me.
The relationship that developed so quickly between her and Cameron both
tormented and elated me." He gave Tony a conciliatory nod. "I
deceived myself into thinking she was transferring her feelings for me to Cameron
since he's so much like me in some ways and is young and unmarried and, from
her perspective, available."
"You're such an idiot, Ben,"
Cyndi said with an impatient little laugh. "Sara was transferring her
feelings, all right. It was her feelings for Cameron she was transferring to
you, not the other way around!"
"Amen!" Ashley said. Tony and
Samantha nodded their agreement.
Ben glanced at the ceiling, nodding.
"You're probably right," he said cynically. "The thought had
never occurred to me. I really am an idiot."
"An idiot and a pervert!" Russ
exclaimed in outrage.
"Ben, she's a child!" Brother
Vance said, as outraged as Russ was.
Sara expected Ben to cringe or at least
grimace, but he didn't. He aimed that determined gaze at Brother Vance and
declared, "No, Duane, she's a woman. A young one to be sure, but a woman
all the same--an extraordinary one."
Brother Vance shook his head. "No,
Ben. She's a child. I daresay she's not even twenty-one years old!"
Sara had been so certain the Vances
despised her. To hear Brother Vance defend her in this way astonished her. She
shook her head weakly. "In February."
"Good grief, Ben!" Sister Eagle
exclaimed, moving to stand near Barbara. "What were you thinking? If a man
your age were to pursue your twenty-year-old daughter, even you would be having
violent thoughts right now!"
Ben glanced in an uncomfortable way at
Ashley. "You're right," he admitted. He then looked at Sara.
"And yet, I stand by my assertion that Sara's not a child but a woman, an
extraordinary one. I'll even go one step further and say she's downright
unusual." He shook his head. "She's not a typical
twenty-year-old."
Hearing the doors open, Sara turned and saw
that the families who had left to have a breakfast picnic were returning, wet
and wind-blown.
"What were your intentions toward
Sara?" Trevor asked.
"I wanted to marry her, of
course."
Barbara crossed her legs and folded her
arms, her expression unreadable. "You want to be married to Sara instead
of me."
Ben turned toward Barbara. "Yes, I do.
I've gone so far as to propose to her. I'm sorry."
Brandon sat forward in his chair. "You
want to marry Sara?"
"But she's Cameron's wife," Adam protested. "And you and Mother were
married for eternity."
Russ threw up his arms, his cheeks flushed
and his dark eyes wide and angry. "So our governor is a liar, an idiot, a
pervert, and a covenant breaker."
Ashley sprang up and yelled at her father,
"You want to ditch Mother and steal your son's wife, and in the meantime,
you pursue Sara and make her so depressed and sick that she pukes at her
wedding? You disgust me!"
"I won't make excuses for
myself," Ben said quietly, "nor do I ask for your forgiveness and
acceptance. My only intention at the moment is to tell the truth, whatever the
consequences."
"You aren't going to live with us
anymore, are you," Brandon said.
"No. I think it would be better if I
found new living arrangements for a while. Maybe in time, your mother and I can
work things out."
"It's too late for that Ben,"
Barbara said, "and you know it. We've been estranged for too long. It's
time to make it official."
"You can't mean that!" Samantha
cried. "You love each other! Certainly you can at least try to be happy together again."
She leaned over the table, putting her head in her hands, her shoulders
trembling.
Cyndi rested her hand on Samantha's back.
"Samantha's right. A divorce right now would be too drastic. You should
try counseling first."
"Or talk to each other, at
least," Trevor agreed, still appearing puzzled by the entire situation.
Barbara shook her head. "It's over.
Dead. No amount of counseling is going to bring it back to life."
Something died in Ben at that moment. The
desperate light went out in his eyes, and everything about him seemed to go
limp, and Sara came to understand what Ben did not understand himself. The real
reason he hadn't sought a divorce earlier was because he couldn't bear the
thought that he might be right about Barbara, that she felt no passion for him
and wouldn't care if they separated for good. As long as she consented to
playact the wife role, the possibility existed that, underneath all the
illusion, she really did care, which provided the stability Ben required.
The attention of everyone in the colony
appeared to be riveted on Barbara, the expressions incredulous. Some of them
looked from Barbara to Ben, then back to Barbara again, and Sara knew they were
beginning to comprehend the true situation. They expected her to be shocked and
hurt or at least for her to act as if she weren't hurt in a dignified fashion,
not becoming hysterical but fighting away tears. They expected her to yell at
him and throw him out of her house, if not for her own sake, for that of her
children. They expected her to call Sara a tramp and refuse to work with her
anymore.
None of them believed a woman who truly
loved her husband could walk out of her marriage with such icy indifference,
and they could grasp the possibility that this cold-hearted, cold-blooded woman
had frozen Ben out of his marriage. Ben's actions toward his family had been
anything but admirable, but they beginning to be understandable, whereas
Barbara's attitude toward their beloved governor was incomprehensible.
"Barbara," Sister Eagle said
softly, "why don't you want to talk to Ben?"
"We have nothing left to say to each
other."
Sara wiped her perspiring hands on her
jeans, thinking impatiently that Ben and Barbara probably had a couple of years
to catch up on.
"You don't want to tell him how angry
you are at what he's done?"
"I'm not angry. It really was
inevitable."
Sara scratched at her pants, then folded
her arms together and scratched at them, her heart beginning to race.
"It doesn't make you angry that he's
hurt Cameron by pursuing Sara?"
"Ben hasn't hurt Cameron nearly as
much as he's hurt himself."
Sara dropped her hands to her sides and
clenched them, pounding away at her thighs. She knew she should keep her mouth
shut, but she couldn't stand this. "You can't refuse to talk to Ben,
Barbara! You can't!" She waved her arm at Ben. "Can't you see what it's
doing to him?" She shook her head. "You can't be as indifferent as
you act. Don't you see? All you have to do is show him you care, just a little,
and he'll come back to you!"
"Come back to what, Sara? Separation?
Why would either one of us want that?"
"Neither one of you do want it; that's
the point!" Sara jumped up and leaned on the table, looking over Brandon's
head at Barbara. "Please believe
me, Barbara. If you have any spark of passion left for him, you have to let him
see it! He needs you to yell at him, to really rant and rave and tell him how
horrible he is!"
"Stop it, Sara," Ben begged.
"You don't know what you're doing."
"I do know what I'm doing, Ben,"
Sara insisted. "I do. She can't not love you! She can't not care! It isn't
possible. She's pretending." Sara faced Barbara again, her eyes blurring
and her lips beginning to quiver. "He just wants a glimpse of the real
Barbara. That can't be too much to ask, can it?"
Barbara looked at her blankly. "I don't
understand."
"You do understand, I know you
do." The pitch of Sara's voice rose until it was almost shrill. She was
becoming hysterical. She knew it and hated it but couldn't stop the flow of
emotion. "He needs to see a tear, Barbara! Just a tiny tear on your
cheek." Sara wiped away her own tears with trembling fingers.
"Please, Sara," Ben gasped.
"Stop it!"
"No, Ben!" she wailed. "I
won't let her do this to you!"
Sara's vision cleared enough that she could
see there were no tears on Barbara's face. Her eyes, disturbingly dry, regarded
Sara curiously. "Your decision to marry Cameron may have been too hasty,
Sara. You should have given Ben a chance. He would have been thrilled with you
and treated you like a queen. You might have been happy with him."
"I can't believe you would say
that," Sara said, her voice quavering and tears spilling off of her jaw
and onto her neck. "He's your husband. How can you think that? How?"
Her voice broke and her shoulders began convulsing. "Please, Barbara. Let
him see your eyes glisten. Just a little glisten.
Please . . ."
No one in the room spoke. Sara knew they
were all staring at her, even though she couldn't see them clearly. She heard a
little choke from Ben's direction and saw his trim form waver through her
tears. She wiped her eyes again and caught a glimpse of his hand shaking
against his temple, his face wet. He staggered.
"Oh!" Sara moaned as she pushed
away from the table, afraid he might fall. She felt Cameron's arm wind around
her knee to keep her from moving.
"Father really is in love with
you," Brandon said to Sara in shock.
Sara looked down at Brandon, attempting to
blink away her tears. She could barely speak coherently. "I
never . . . meant . . . for this
to . . . happen."
Sara lifted her head and watched Trevor
Carroll stand up and put his arms around Ben. Ben leaned on his brother and
wept, piercing Sara's heart.
The urge to run out of the room seized Sara
again, only this time it refused to be denied. She broke free of Cameron's hold
and sprang toward the door.
When Sara burst through the doors, a gust
of wind sprayed her with rain and swept confetti into the air. She shot into
the storm, energized by the cold raindrops stinging her skin. As she sprinted,
puddles formed around her feet and muddy water, mixed with dead leaves,
splashed onto her clothing. When thunder exploded, Sara screamed, not in fear
but in release, and she didn't stop screaming until she opened the door to her
house and dropped to the floor. She leaned her arms over her knees and her face
on her arms, panting and shivering and dripping all over the simulated wood.
Within moments, Sara heard the door open
and squishing sounds near her and knew Cameron had followed her home. She heard
soggy items of clothing drop to the floor and then felt Cameron pull her to her
feet and begin peeling off her clothing. He pulled her away from the pile of
wet clothes and puddles of water, dried her with towels, and then twisted one
of the towels around her head like a turban. He led her into their room,
wrapped her robe around her, and helped her into her slippers before he guided
her into bed and bundled her in her mother's denim quilt.
Sara gazed gratefully into Cameron's
concerned aqua eyes. "I was hysterical," she whispered.
Cameron smiled just a little, slipping into
his robe and lying down next to her. "Sara Carroll is hysterical." He
tapped her lips gently with his finger before she could tell him that she had
never been hysterical before. "Cameron Carroll is fanatical. Chant it with
me now." His voice took on a singsong quality and he waved his hand slightly,
as if he were directing a choir. "Sara Carroll is hysterical; Cameron
Carroll is fanatical."
Sara picked up the chant. "Sara
Carroll is hysterical; Cameron Carroll is fanatical . . ."
It did have a nice rhythm to it. She smiled at him and threw part of the quilt
over him, drawing him into her cocoon, and then they laughed, and then it
thundered again and she instinctively nuzzled up to him.
"You didn't say anything when everyone
went crazy. Why not?"
Cameron's lips caressed Sara's forehead.
"I wouldn't presume to speak for either you or my father."
"What did you say to him when the two
of you embraced?"
"I told him that I love him, despite
everything."
"It really shook him up."
"Obviously you were right about him
all along. He really does love you. Nothing else would have driven him to make
a fool of himself in front of the colony when Sister Vance began questioning
your motives."
"And then I made him look more like a
fool than ever. Maybe someday I'll learn to keep my mouth shut."
"Actually, I think you made him look
like less of a fool, and you
completely shot down the notion that he's a pervert."
"Yeah, and in the same whack shot down
the idea that I'm any kind of victim. Not that I want to be thought of as a
victim, but I don't want them to think I'm a tramp either."
"I think--I hope--they saw you for what you are--a woman with deep feelings of
affection and concern for my father. Your show of passion legitimized the
relationship, made the idea of a loving, equal marriage between the two of you
imaginable."
"And you think that's a good thing?"
"It certainly made what my father's
done more understandable to me."
Sara felt sick. "If you and the other
colonists can now visualize your father and me together as husband and wife,
then your father obviously saw the same thing, compounded over a period of
months!"
"That's not what I meant to say. I
merely think that your outburst makes his actions almost understandable and
therefore a little easier to forgive, that's all."
"If his actions are now more
understandable, it's because we can all see now why he believed I was in love with him. It was because I was acting as if I was in love with
him."
"Of course you were acting as if you
love him, Sara. You do love him. As a
father!"
Sara relaxed, gratitude trickling into her
heart. Cameron had to be right. "I love you so much, Cameron. Can't we
just stay here forever? Where life is safe and perfect?"
"This is forever, Beloved Queen,"
Cameron whispered with emotion. "The place that's always safe and
beautiful, no matter what else happens."
"I wonder if your parents ever had
this."
"I think so."
"Do you think your father will talk to
your uncle about his marital problems?"
"I hope so. He needs to unburden
himself, and Uncle Trevor will encourage him to talk to me."
"Will he, do you think?"
"I do, and he needs to. I'm more
worried about my mother."
Just thinking about Barbara's behavior sent
a stab of anger through Sara. She sat up a little and folded her arms on
Cameron's chest. The towel on her head fell off, and she tossed it to the
floor. "How could she be so indifferent to what happened?" Sara
shivered and realized she was still cold.
Cameron pulled Sara back under the quilt
and held her tightly. "She isn't. She's adopting this attitude of
indifference to protect herself."
"I was so sure of that too, but she
was so calm and icy. I'm beginning to wonder now. Could anyone be such a
supreme actor?"
"Appearing polished and perfect is
what she's done best for well over twenty years. If you ever again doubt my
mother's current state of emotion, just think of this--she didn't come to Eden
to divorce my father."
"You're saying that if she didn't want
to be with your father, she would have stayed on Earth." Sara wondered why
she had never considered the likelihood of this possibility, why Ben himself
seemed to be ignoring it.
"Exactly. No one from her family came
to Eden with us. She's from California, you know. Monterey. Most of her family
lives in the Oakland Temple Community, and that's where I think she would have
gone had she and my father divorced. If not, she had her job with the Sun and her beautiful home, and Father
would have left her well provided for. She doesn't have the comforts here she
had on Earth and won't for some time. No, Sara. My mother is very hurt. If she
didn't love my father, she wouldn't be here."
"Then why won't she let him see that
she's hurt? If he thought she loved him like that, things would be different
between them, I know they would be."
"I agree. I have no doubt he still
loves her too, which is the reason he'd never discussed divorce with her before
today. I think they're like we used to be, crazy about each other but full of
misunderstanding and for some silly reason unable to talk to each other."
"That's a strange thought and very
hopeful."
"Of course, their situation is far
more complicated than ours was and I think they're just as likely to divorce as
not, but it's something to start with. For me
to start with. You really do need to stay out of it."
"I know. I suppose I need to stay
completely away from your father. What am I supposed to do about your mother?
She's not going to be willing to talk to me about what happened, but how can we
have a civil relationship if we don't work it out?"
"You're just going to have to manage
it somehow. You'll get nowhere if you initiate a discussion about what happened
between you and my father. If you try, you'll end up feeling miserable."
"So around your mother, I'm supposed
to act as if nothing happened. That feels so wrong."
"You have no choice." Cameron's
phone rang, and he rolled away from Sara and reached to the floor next to the
bed to answer it. He sat up with the phone to his ear.
"Who is it?" Sara asked.
"Tony." Cameron directed his
words into the phone. "I can't hear you . . . Too many
people are shouting . . . Are you still there?" He shook
his head in frustration. "Say again?"
A moment later, he lowered the phone and
punched in a number. "Tony, what's going on?" He put a hand over his
free ear, straining to listen. Eventually he said, "I'll be there as soon
as I can."
As soon as Cameron ended the call, Sara
asked, "What's going on?"
The phone went limp in Cameron's hand.
"The others are having some kind of huge argument. Russ is in the middle
of it. That's all I could get from Tony."
Thunder crashed, vibrating the house. Sara
gazed at Cameron wide-eyed. "Russ? In the middle of an argument?"
"He was really upset by what my father
did."
Sara nodded, beginning to understand. Russ
was astute and aggressive, a journalist through and through. He would learn the
truth if it killed him. "He wouldn't have let it go. He probably pressed
your father until he confessed that he had married us with the intention of
later annulling the marriage."
"You're probably right. No wonder the
colony's gone crazy."
Sara hadn't come to Eden to be governed by
a man who would conduct the affairs of his family and the colony in such an
underhanded, autocratic way and neither had any of the others. She had enough
insight into Ben's heart and felt enough affection for him to be willing to
give him another chance. Others wouldn't be so tolerant. "You were right
when you said dealing with law infractions in open forum would lead to nothing
but chaos and injustice."
"And what my father did was worse than
break the law. He set himself up as the
law and then didn't live up to the colonists' faith in him."
"So in denouncing him, they're
trashing the only law the colony now possesses."
"And are turning into a mob."
Cameron swung his feet over the side of the mattress and reached for his
clothes. "I need to get down there."
"No!" Sara said. "It's too
dangerous!"
"Someone has to calm them down and
stop the storm!"
"You'll be no good to the colony if
you get electrocuted or a tree drops on you! Think about how many people were
hurt in the last storm!"
"They have no idea their argument and
the storm are connected."
"I disagree. Many of the colonists
thought the storm on Sunday was connected to our breaking the Sabbath. We
talked to Tony and Samantha and Ashley about it Monday night, remember? When
they invited us to their dance."
Cameron slumped his shoulders. "I can't
just sit here and do nothing!"
Sara scooted over to Cameron on her knees
and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his head. "Tony's sharp. He can
handle it, and we can pray."
"We can pray," Cameron agreed
with decisiveness.
"And then we can get ready to
go."
*
When the storm had diminished into mere
rain, Cameron and Sara slipped into their rain ponchos and headed down the
trail to the dining hall. Halfway to Center Park, they met Tony.
"What's going on?" Cameron
immediately asked.
Tony turned and walked toward Center Park
with Sara and Cameron. "Russ and Brent and a group of about thirty
students are demanding that your father resign as governor of the colony and
that Sister Vance take his place."
"My father refused, I hope,"
Cameron said.
"He did, and so did Sister Vance. Your
father seemed to have no qualms about admitting he had done some questionable
things, but he felt resigning would be premature. Sister Vance has no desire to
step into your father's place and said she would continue to look to him for
leadership."
"What did you say to get them to stop
arguing?" Sara asked.
"I told them I thought the storm had
come because we were fighting and that no decision of any kind should be made
until we had a statement from our bishop."
"Oh, great," Cameron said,
grimacing.
"When it became clear the argument was
going nowhere and that we were going nowhere until the storm let up, they
finally agreed."
"So they're all there waiting for
Cameron," Sara said. "What fun!"
"Oh, it gets even better, Sara. Russ
and several of the others are questioning whether your marriage to Cameron is
valid."
"You can't be serious!"
"Because of what you said to Cameron's
mother, some are concerned that you really are in love with Dr. Carroll instead
of Cameron and that you'll want an annulment after all. Others, including Russ,
have been disturbed all along about how suddenly you were married, and still
others think it was wrong Dr. Carroll performed the ceremony instead of me,
especially now."
Sara still couldn't believe it. "But
they acted as if they were happy about our marriage. They gave us a party. Or
tried to, anyway. There were presents, and centerpieces, and a wedding
cake!"
Tony shrugged. "That stuff's
tradition."
"It was all a big lie, you mean!"
"No it wasn't. Not like the lies your
father-in-law's been feeding us!"
Cameron stopped abruptly. "You go on
to the dining hall, Tony. Sara and I need to get a few things from the house.
Tell everyone we'll be there in a few minutes."
"Will do." Tony shook his head at
Sara, smiling slightly. "Here I thought I knew you inside and out, and
then you go and do something outrageous like fall in love with Dr. Carroll
without my knowledge."
Sara moaned. "I'm really not in love with Ben Carroll,
Tony!"
"You don't love him in the same way
you do Cameron--I'll grant you that--but you do love him. I'm just glad I never
fell in love with you myself. Wouldn't that have been a mess! You're one
complicated chick!"
"Coward," Cameron teased.
"You'd better keep an eye on her,
Cameron," Tony said looking over his shoulder with a grin as he jogged
away from them. "She's trouble!"
After a few moments, Tony curved around a
tree and disappeared from Sara's sight. How
much are we going to tell them, Cameron? she asked as they turned and
hurried back up the trail to their house.
I'm
not sure. I think we'll start, though, by giving them a little of our history
together. We have to convince them that our marriage is real and right. My
credibility and your reputation appear to be hanging on that detail.
Sara
let Cameron go ahead of her as the trail narrowed. No one seemed to have a problem with our marriage before today.
Obviously there were a few who did have a
problem with it, and that was before you blew up at my mother.
I really messed things up! A breeze blew through
the trees and sprayed water on Sara's face.
No,
Sara, my father messed things up. I think we can put things back in order well
enough if we address the colonists' concerns and answer their questions in a
forthright way. And we can't hold back about Novaun either. I'm sorry, Sara.
Sara's
muscles tensed in panic. Certainly there's
another way.
Unfortunately there isn't. The information
your father gave to you about Novaun may be necessary to the colony's survival.
But we don't know that for sure yet. Can't
we wait until we do?
By then it may be too late.
What about my family?
We're just going to have to leave your
family in the hands of the Lord.
Sara
reached for Cameron's hand as the trail opened up in front of them. Do we have to tell them that we have arelada
in our possession too? I feel really uncomfortable with that.
My father's underhanded behavior was what
got us into this predicament to begin with. If we do anything that is even hints
of being underhanded, the colonists will
eat us alive.
But if we tell them we're practicing with
it, they may think we're up to something sinister. I couldn't believe it when
Sister Vance suggested that I was using you and your father to gain power in
the colony!
They extended their arms and jogged on either
side of a puddle. I don't know, Sara.
Some of them are already afraid you're doing something sinister. If you refrain
from telling them about the arelada and they later find out you have it, they'll
have proof that you're keeping
secrets and will have no qualms about accusing you of sedition. What little
trust they have in me will disappear, and the colony will fall into chaos.
So no matter what we do, we can't win.
It looks that way, although there is one thing we can do to put off discussion of
the arelada, at least for now.
Sara
understood immediately and agreed. We can
leave the necklaces at home.
When Sara and Cameron got back to their
house, Sara tucked the photo album dedicated to Cameron's articles and pictures
under her poncho. Cameron put the two pictures of Sara he had carried for years
into the pocket in his shirt and carried Sara's two scrapbooks.
Sara and Cameron hurried back down the
trail as quickly as they could manage. When they entered the dining hall, the
room became silent. Everyone focused on them, waiting. For the moment, Cameron
was the acknowledged leader of the colony, and that was a strange feeling. Ben
had finally acquired a strong advocate and merciful judge in Cameron, which was
ironic, considering the fact that Ben's actions had been more of an affront to
Cameron than anyone but Barbara and Sara herself.
Cameron and Sara set the items they had
brought with them on a camp table and laid out their ponchos on two others.
Sara sat down in an empty camp chair, and Cameron stepped away from the tables
to address the colony.
"Obviously, you're all shocked by the
things you've learned about my father this morning."
Murmurs from the colonists sparked, and a
few shouts erupted. "He's a liar!"
"He's not fit to be the
governor!"
"We won't have a leader who uses his position for his own selfish
purposes!"
"That's what we came here to get away from!"
Cameron held his hand out in a
"stop" gesture. Amazingly, the room became quiet again. He said in a
soft, calm voice, "Whatever we do here today, we can't shout, and we can't
argue. When we do, the planet reacts and sends storms. Do we all agree on
that?"
Judging by the faces of the colonists, most
of them did agree, even though they were bewildered and, in some cases, skeptical.
Brother Vance said, "I'll accept the possibility that the storm was caused
by our argument for now, but certainly there is some other, more rational
explanation for what's been happening."
"This phenomenon does have a rational
explanation, which I'll get to," Cameron replied. "For now, though,
let me see if I understand correctly what's going on. Some of you want my
father to resign as governor." Many of the colonists nodded vigorously.
"The primary reason for this is
because my father married Sara and me with the intention of later annulling the
marriage." Cameron received more nods in reply. "Some of you are
concerned that Sara really is in love with my father and wants her marriage to
me annulled."
Sara cheeks grew hot. Too many colonists
responded in the affirmative. Had she really been that passionate? Or did they
think she was more likely to truly love the man she had known longer? Or was it
simply that they felt a devotion to Ben they had never felt for Cameron and
subsequently believed Ben was the one Sara would prefer?
"Others of you are concerned that my
marriage to Sara may be invalid, and still others are disturbed by the haste in
which Sara and I were married. Are there any concerns I've missed?"
Russ stood up. "Many of us would feel
more comfortable with your marriage, Bishop, if you and Sara would agree to let
Tony perform the ordinance here in front of the colony today."
Sara widened her eyes at Cameron in alarm.
What in the galaxy would he say to that? If they agreed to Russ's request, what
would they be saying to the colony? That they weren't, at present, really
married?
Cameron didn't hesitate for a moment. He
shook his head. "Either the ceremony Tuesday was valid or it was not.
Since Sara and I have been living together for the past five days, I think the
suggestion that we may not really be married is outrageous and
disgusting."
"Surely though, Cameron, it wouldn't
hurt to go ahead and have the ceremony," Brent Hall pointed out. "It
would make everyone feel easier about your marriage."
Cameron again shook his head. "A few
years down the road, such an action would raise questions about the validity of
the first ceremony and would, in the process, lead to the belief that Sara and
I entered our marriage unchaste. I won't allow that."
"Why did you agree to let your father
marry you in the first place, Cameron?" Russ asked.
"He insisted, and we were afraid he
would contest the marriage if we had Tony perform the ceremony without his
license."
"But having Tony perform the ordinance
would have been the right way to do
it," Russ protested.
"No, being married in the temple would
have been the right way to do it."
Russ sighed. "I'm sorry,
Cameron."
"Let me put your mind to rest, Russ,"
Cameron said gently. "Consider this. On Earth, the Lord doesn't require a
bishop to perform all of the marriages that will only be for this life. He
recognizes marriages performed by all kinds of people: priests, rabbis,
ministers, judges, and even ship captains. For the Lord to recognize a man and
woman living together as being married, the marriage must be legal and lawful."
Sara was relieved to see most of the
colonists nod or at least appear thoughtful. They agreed with this concept.
"Sara and I did everything we could to
insure that our marriage would be recognized by colony law. Everyone was there
to witness it, we documented it, and my father was and still is the governor of
the colony. As far as I can tell, my father is the equivalent of a judge. The
marriage was entered into legally, so it is valid."
"And you, Sara, have no plans to ask
for an annulment," Sister Vance said.
Sara stood up and moved to Cameron's side,
her arm slipping around his waist and his around her shoulders. She shook her
head with all the adamancy she could muster. "There will be no annulment.
A potential annulment has never been anything but a fantasy of my
father-in-law. I am, in fact, pregnant."
Sara expected laughter, but instead
received gapes of astonishment. Sara wondered whether they were surprised she
would allow herself to become pregnant so soon or whether they were shocked by
her audacity in making such a claim so soon. Cyndi actually ventured to
comment. "Oh come now, Sara, you can't possibly know that yet."
"Actually, I can. Ben said it himself.
I'm unusual, although he has no idea yet just how unusual I really am. It so
happens that I'm biologically programmed for exceptional fertility, which means
that marriage, for me, means a baby right away."
Cameron nodded. "We both knew this
going into the marriage."
Ben looked from Sara to Cameron, appearing
uneasy. "What in the world are you two talking about?"
Cameron looked down at Sara, hesitating.
Sara smiled at him reassuringly. Now that the time had come, it didn't seem so
difficult. She said softly, "Do we want to tell them now? Or should we
wait and discuss more important matters first?"
"I think this is the most important
matter we have to discuss today." Cameron directed his words to the
colonists. "Sara and I have so much to say we hardly know where to start,
especially since it's all tied together and so closely connected to the colony's
concerns."
"First of all," Sara said to the
colony, "I don't expect you to take my word about the pregnancy. I'll have
a blood test today and you'll have proof."
"Even a blood test wouldn't show
anything this soon," Sister Jarrett said.
From what her mother had told her, Sara
knew that such a test would, indeed, show that her body was already undergoing
chemical changes. Sara smiled confidently. "Give one to me, and you'll
see."
"All right," Cyndi conceded.
"You can have your blood test. If it's negative, you can have another one
in a week."
"I want to lay this silly matter of an
annulment to rest for good," Sara said.
The colonists glanced at each other and
nodded. "That sounds reasonable enough," said Brother Marshall.
"I'll accept a pregnancy as proof that
you have no intention of asking for an annulment," Sister Marshall agreed.
"Good," Sara said, pleased.
"Then we can move on to the reason I can be so certain about my
exceptional fertility. As it turns out, a week and a half before we left Earth,
my father told me that he, my natural mother, and I are originally from a
planet called Novaun."
"You're an alien?" Adam burst out
in delight.
"No way!" said Samantha.
"No wonder your family's so
weird!" Brandon said in satisfaction.
Sara nodded. "I always knew my family
was strange, but I was as surprised as you are to find out I really am an
alien. I had no idea. My parents left Novaun twenty years ago and went to Earth
to telepathically record Earth's most significant documents. When I was growing
up, I believed my father was an employee of the Library of Congress. In
reality, however, he's an agent for a space navy called Novaunian Fleet and was
at the Library of Congress recording information to send back to Novaun. My
mother died when I was a baby of infant botulism, which, for an adult Earth woman,
would be virtually impossible, but for a woman from another planet, not
surprising at all. As long as I can remember, my father's been paranoid about
what he, I, and my brothers and sisters eat."
"Which is why you're such a Bubble
Babe!" Marc said.
"Exactly!"
"And I just thought she was
weird," Jordan said with a smile. Tony leaned back in his chair and
laughed and laughed.
"Oh, it gets better, Tony," Sara
said. "Novaunians live for two hundred years, and married Novaunian women
have, on average, thirty children apiece."
Tony stopped laughing suddenly. "You're
not serious."
"She's serious," Cameron said.
Sara gazed at Tony solemnly, doing
everything in her power to avoid looking at Ben. "I didn't believe it
either, at first. Or I should say, I didn't want to believe it, but it's the
truth. You met my parents. How old do you think my father looks?"
Tony shrugged, appearing perplexed.
"It didn't occur to me to speculate. You're twenty, so he must be at least
forty."
Barbara looked at Sara queerly.
"He looks as if he's in his late twenties. I'll have to admit, I did
wonder about that when I met him. Your stepmother, though, looks as if she's
about forty."
Sara nodded slowly. "My mom ages and
my dad doesn't. He's forty-four and she's thirty-nine. It'll be the same for
me. I'll be a century old before I look the age my mom is now."
"You really are one complicated chick,
Sara," Tony said.
Sara smiled and nodded, rolling her eyes.
She caught a glimpse of Ben and saw that he was as hurt as he was baffled.
"Why didn't you and Cameron tell me about this?"
"I wanted to tell you about Novaun
that day at the yogurt shop, but it wasn't my secret to tell. You have to
understand, my family is in a great deal of danger."
Ben shook his head. "I wouldn't have
told anyone. Didn't you know that?"
"Of course I knew that, or thought I
did, but I couldn't take the chance. My father is so concerned about my family's
safety that he didn't even tell me! When I left, David didn't know either, and
it nearly killed me not to tell him. I told Cameron because we wanted to get
married and he had to know what he was getting into."
"Sara had qualms about announcing it
today this way," Cameron said, "but I persuaded her that this was a
matter we could no longer keep to ourselves. Sara will explain why."
Sara went on to tell the colonists
everything her father had told her about Novaun, the Zarrists, terraformed
planets, and arelada. Their questions were the same hers had been. "Why
did Novaun send your father to Earth secretly? Why didn't the Novaunians make
public contact with Earth twenty years ago? If Zarr and his people really are
so dangerous, why hasn't Novaun changed its policy about official contact and
warned us? Doesn't Novaun care that this supposedly evil anti-Christ is taking
advantage of a planet too primitive to fight back?"
One question, however, dominated: "If
Eden is so dangerous, why aren't the Zarrists aware of it? Why would they want
to put a settlement here?"
Sara had no idea how to answer that
question. "My father told me only that Eden is in a strategic position. He
didn't give his opinion as to why the Zarrists would ignore the danger and put
colonies here."
"The Zarrists aren't stupid," Trevor
said. "It makes no sense that they would take such a risk."
"I know it doesn't," Sara agreed,
"but without more information, it's useless to speculate on their
motives."
Sara answered as many questions as she
could. Eventually someone asked whether she had any arelada in her possession,
and she was forced to tell them that her father had given her his arelada and
why.
"Have you tried to communicate with
the planet-spirit yet?" Ben asked.
"No, I'm only just beginning to learn
how to use the arelada. It may be some time before I'm strong enough to
communicate with the planet-spirit."
"Where is the arelada now?" asked
Sister Eagle.
Russ's eyebrows rose. "May we see
it?"
Sara shook his head. "Not yet. We left
it at home."
"We'll give you a
demonstration after we've learned more about it," Cameron said. "Give
us a week or two."
Some of the colonists appeared skeptical;
most were surprised. "Then you're learning how to use it too,
Cameron?" Barbara asked.
Cameron nodded. "Sara and I are
learning together."
Rick Dixon shot up his hand. "How do
you know that the Novaunians aren't
the evil aliens, Bishop?"
"Yeah," said Marc, grinning.
"How do we know that Sara's not
the one who's doing the mind zapping?"
"Because if she had, you wouldn't know
it, and it wouldn't occur to you to ask," Cameron said pleasantly.
The question had been asked only half
seriously, but everyone was curious and concerned that there might be some
truth in Rick and Marc's observations.
Sara forced herself to remain calm.
"My father believes Zarr has a bond on my mind too. Obviously, if I didn't
know enough to keep myself from being bonded, I wouldn't begin to know how to
bond another person. Besides, my parents took me to earth when I was a baby,
and I grew up there." She presented her scrapbooks for examination.
"My entire life is in these books. As you can see, in the newborn photos,
the backgrounds are hazy. By the time this six-month photo was taken, however,
I was wearing Earth-style clothing, and the background is obviously the house I
grew up in. Ashley, Brandon, and Adam can tell you that since they've been
there."
Ashley stepped forward and looked more
closely at the photos and nodded. "It's the same house, all right."
"I only lived a few months on
Novaun," Sara concluded. "I don't have the telepathic education my
father does. My father is brilliant. I mean, he's brilliant in a way that not
one of you has ever seen, and I recognize the fact that everyone here was at
the top of his or her class or profession back on Earth. My father has a
photographic memory accelerated a thousand times; I don't know how else to
explain it."
"What precisely does he do to make you
think that, Sara?" Ben asked, his curiosity piqued.
"He reads and speaks in dozens of
different languages, and he's read everything, literally everything. If you
read a paragraph to him out of a book of stature--according to his own
standards of stature, of course--he'll not only quote the entire book back to
you, he'll start quoting all of the books and articles in the bibliography.
Then he'll quote the books of commentary
about that book, and then he'll give you his own opinion, which is always
thoughtful and educated."
"I've heard him quote the scriptures
that way," Cameron said.
"He does," Brandon said.
"And so does Sara's brother. Ashley and Adam and I can vouch for
that."
"And her brother remembers
music," Ashley said with excitement. "All you have to do is hum a few
measures of a song, and he can play it on the piano from memory."
"He's awesome," Adam agreed.
"There's no way Sara's father is an 'evil
alien,'" Cameron said. "With his mind, he could have done anything on
Earth he wanted to do and been wealthy and influential, but he chose to live an
obscure life and use his talents working full time in the temple."
"That means nothing," Russ said.
"Spies are supposed to be inconspicuous."
Sara looked at Russ in surprise. He was
right, and she had no idea how to respond. Thankfully, Cameron came to her
rescue. "If what you say is true, then Sara's father isn't a typical spy.
He may be living an inconspicuous life, but he has never required Sara to do
the same. She's been written up in newspapers all over the Baltimore/D.C. area
since she placed third in the 100 at state as a sophomore."
"She's been on television,"
Jordan said to Russ, "and is an All-American."
"She's one fast Bubble Babe,"
Marc added.
"All right," Russ said with a
little nod. "I can accept the possibility that Sara's father had more
choices than one might initially believe."
"When Sara and I were still in high
school, I read all of those newspaper articles about her." Cameron held up
the two photos he had of Sara. "I've carried these pictures of her in my
wallet for years. The dates are there too. These pictures should resolve any
doubts anyone may have about how long I've loved Sara. As for Sara, she
compiled this album of my pictures
and articles." He held up the little album. "I hope this lays to rest
any notions that Sara contrived to get close to my father and then me to put
herself forward in the colony."
Ben immediately took the album from Cameron
and began gingerly turning the pages, looking at everything.
Sara felt that she needed to add, "I
hope it also makes it clear that as fond as I am of Ben, Cameron is the one I
want to be with, the one I've always
wanted to be with."
"I don't know, Sara," Samantha
said, trying to keep a straight face. "I'm not sure Cameron's man enough
for you. Thirty kids! I mean, come on!"
"Hey, the Carroll men have it where it
counts," Trevor said. Cyndi laughed.
"Only Cameron's insane enough to want to be man enough for her,"
Tony said, smiling.
"You're really not going to have thirty
kids, are you, Cameron?" Brandon said with concern.
"I have no idea. We'll take them one
at a time, I suppose, and see what happens."
Sara nearly laughed. She hoped they really
would have their children one at a time--after their twins were born!
Ben looked up from the photo album at Sara,
his eyebrows raised. "It's complete and meticulous."
"I prefer to think of it as
obsessive," Sara said lightly.
Ben grunted and shook his head, as if he
believed he were the biggest fool in the universe. He handed the book to
Barbara to examine. "It looks like a labor of love."
Sara felt Cameron's arms encircle her waist
from behind. He rested a hand on her abdomen in acknowledgment of their babies,
thrilling her. She leaned against him and kissed his cheek as he kissed her
jaw. "It was," she murmured contentedly.
Cameron released Sara and addressed the
colony again. "As you can see, Sara and I have a lot in common and have
loved each other for a long time. To you the wedding seemed sudden; to us, it
was years in coming. We chose to be married immediately after we became engaged
because we wanted privacy more than a fancy wedding."
"When did you learn about your father's
feelings for Sara?" Russ asked.
"The day after the wedding, when Sara
told me. She, herself, didn't know how he felt about her until late Monday
night, after we told him about our engagement."
Tony nodded thoughtfully. "So you've
had a few days to think about it and come to some sort of resolution."
"Yes, I have, but it hasn't been easy.
I've spent many hours in thought and prayer. Aside from my mother and Sara, not
one of you could feel more outraged or betrayed by my father's behavior than I
do. I want to see justice done, but I also want us, as a colony and as a ward,
to forgive my father and be merciful to him as he works to repent."
"Do you think he's fit to govern the
colony or not?" asked Brent.
"Yes I do, within certain
boundaries." Cameron held out his hand in a stop position in an effort to
keep anyone from immediately protesting. "My understanding is that most of
you, if not all of you, came to Eden believing my father would be a combination
governor/spiritual leader, kind of along the lines of King Benjamin in the Book
of Mormon."
The colonists grumbled their agreement and
dissatisfaction. Sara thought King Benjamin was a good comparison. Cameron
looked at his father in a peculiar way, and Sara immediately perceived why he
did, that the names were the same. How odd!
Cameron shook his head. "That is a
strange coincidence, isn't it? I think we can all agree that my father is no
King Benjamin, and personally, I think it's better he isn't. In leading you
here against the counsel of the Brethren and in pursuing Sara, he has committed
serious sins; to follow him as a spiritual leader would be foolishness. As for
the governorship, the colony needs a manager, and I don't know of anyone better
qualified for that position than my father. Obviously he should not have
unlimited power, and I think the best way to prevent further misconduct is to
draft a colony constitution and then decide on a way to enforce it."
The colonists as a whole appeared satisfied
with this suggestion. Sister Vance nodded. "That's the best idea I've
heard all morning, Bishop."
"Thank you," Cameron said,
pleased. "My suggestion is that you and your students and your husband and
his students work together right now to write a document based on the United
States Constitution and traditional law."
The Vances looked at each other, as if
conferring, and nodded. Sister Vance said, "Then when it's finished, we
can go over the particulars in Colony Assembly."
"We don't need a traditional
constitution," Sister Eagle protested. "The Equality of Zion provides
an excellent framework for colony law, or has everyone forgotten why we came to
Eden in the first place?" The colonists looked at each other, frowning.
"The Equality of Zion is more a
lifestyle than law," Cameron said.
"The bishop's right," Brother
Vance said with a nod. "The Equality of Zion provides a framework for
colony lifestyle and government and has its place, but what we need now is
law."
"And we aren't going to get it through
team building sessions," Cameron said. "A shared leadership approach
may be effective in some situations, but not here. We don't have time, and too
much is at stake. We can, however, incorporate some of the tenets of The
Equality of Zion into our constitution. In particular, I'd like to see the
colony keep its environmental focus."
Sister Eagle shook her head. "I'm
sorry, Bishop. But falling back on traditional law isn't right. Cooperative
government will work if given half a chance."
Cyndi turned her head toward Sister Eagle.
"Cooperative government, with all its supposed supremacy, didn't work very
well in the case of Cameron's marriage to Sara. Tuesday, when Ben was the
governor you all came here believing he was, no one contested the marriage.
Everyone, in fact, seemed happy enough with it. Now today, half the colony wants
the ceremony performed again. If the colony had established laws regarding
marriage, none of this would have happened."
"Solid marriage law, with a reasonable
waiting period perhaps, certainly would have taken the pressure off of Cameron
and Sara," Barbara said. "Had they not been afraid that Ben would
withdraw his consent, they might have felt they could wait a few weeks to get
married."
"I'm not suggesting we don't establish
colony laws regarding marriage," Sister Eagle said. "I think our laws
should be more strict than they ever were in the United States."
"I think we all liked the idea that
Dr. Carroll would give us premarital counseling," Tony said. "Until
today. I still think it would be a good idea to counsel with the bishop, but to
tell you the truth, the mere thought that one person could arbitrarily decide
whether I can get married or not and when makes my blood boil."
"It's wrong that Sara and Cameron had
to depend on my father's whim on whether they could get married or not,"
Ashley said. "And it was wrong they had to depend so heavily on the colony's
approval too."
Sister Eagle shook her head quickly, as if
she were annoyed. "It isn't law I'm objecting to. It's the method the
bishop's suggesting we use to make the laws. We came here to do something
different, something better, and I can't advocate throwing away our ideals just
because we happen to be in a difficult situation."
"I'd like to point out that the planet
doesn't care one iota what laws we may come up with through consensus,"
Sara said. "It seems obsessively concerned that we live the commandments,
and we either learn to live with its requirements or we destroy ourselves. To
tell you the truth, I don't think cooperative government has a chance here. We're
living in a dictatorship."
"It does appear the planet accepts
Cameron and Sara's marriage," Samantha said.
"They are still here," Brittany Novak agreed. Murmurs of relief and
realization sounded through the room, laced with chuckles.
"That is presuming the planet really
is reacting to our unrighteous behavior," Brother Vance said.
"We really don't know that for sure
yet," Sister Eagle agreed.
"It did allow Ben to make a pass at
Sara," Brother Marshall observed.
"Ben embraced Sara without her
consent," Brother Vance said. "I'm not convinced that act was a
sexual advance."
Cameron waved his hands and shook his head.
"Whether the embrace was a pass or not has no bearing on this discussion.
I suggest that to be on the safe side, we proceed with the assumption that the
planet will react if it witnesses an unseemly act and formulate our laws
accordingly."
Sara was relieved to see the colonists
silently nod their agreement. The last thing she wanted was for the colonists
to resume discussion of that embrace.
"Tony and Brent, I'd like the two of
you to sit down together right now and draft a list of bylaws based on the Ten
Commandments. Be thorough. We want these laws to keep us, as a colony, from
offending the planet-spirit and becoming planet food. We know it reacts to
anger and arguing, Sabbath breaking, and lying, and not just blatant lying. Any
misrepresentation of a person's true opinion offends it."
Cameron went on to briefly explain that his
father had misrepresented his true feelings during the wedding, which had
caused the tremors they had felt that day. "The planet can't read our
thoughts; only God can do that. But it obviously does understand our language.
We need to be very careful in everything we say and do until we have more
information." Cameron held out his hand toward his father. "Father, I
think it's time for you to lead the rest of us in ascertaining the extent of
the storm's damage."
Ben regarded Cameron with new respect and
arose. "Will do, Bishop."
After having her blood drawn, Sara emerged
from the hospital's laboratory in the sunny, mild afternoon and headed to the
men's dormitory, which had been destroyed by the fall of two mammoth maple
trees. When she arrived, she found most of the other colonists salvaging what
they could.
Sara located Ben easily. He was quickly and
energetically hanging clotheslines around the perimeter of the meadow, his
beautiful golden hair rippling slightly in the breeze. She smiled at the sight.
This was the Ben Carroll she had followed to Eden--intense, involved, and
aware.
Sara watched Ben for a few more moments,
then ran over to him and voiced her new concern. "We need to tell the
other colonies what we suspect about the planet-spirit and warn them."
Ben finished tightening a long piece of
rope around a tree with a taut-line hitch, then turned to Sara. "You're
right. If we're having problems, they probably are too."
Jordan flung a blanket over the new
clothesline and straightened it. "Haven't you heard, Sara? We can't make
contact with Control Colony. Apparently our equipment was damaged in the storm,
although even Sister Ireland doesn't know how yet."
"Oh, great!" Sara took a towel
from the pile of soaked items, wrung it out, and hung it on the line.
Ben began stringing another line.
"Anita and her team will figure it out soon enough. I'll get in touch with
Control Colony as soon as they do."
"When are the engineers supposed to
come fix the primary machine?" Sara asked, reaching for another towel. The
wedding and subsequent honeymoon had made her oblivious to basic colony
concerns.
Ben jogged away from her with the rope,
toward another tree. "They should be arriving tonight," he called,
pulling the rope taut and wrapping the end around the trunk.
"It's a good thing, too," Jordan
said, hanging another blanket, "since more than forty of us are now
without a home."
Sara was still working with Jordan when
Cyndi, the doctors, and the lab technician arrived and called everyone together
to announce the results of her blood test.
"Where's Cameron, Sara?" Cyndi
asked.
"At the Dixons'. Their house was
flooded."
"Do you want to run get him before we
announce the results?"
"That isn't necessary. He already
knows the test will be positive."
Many of the colonists laughed. Some moaned
good-naturedly. Cyndi glanced at Dr. Linda Jarrett. Sister Jarrett regarded
Sara as if she were a freak.
"As improbable as it would seem,"
Sister Jarrett announced, "the test was positive. Sara is, indeed,
pregnant."
Sara held out her arms and bowed. "You
see, I really am an alien!" Cheers and applause sounded around her.
"Vindicated!" Ashley hugged Sara
tightly. "I'm going to be an aunt!" Sara nodded happily.
Cyndi smiled. "Congratulations,
Sara." She hugged Sara also, and then Sara received several more hugs from
her former roommates and even Barbara, who didn't seem either excited or upset
that she would soon be a grandmother.
Samantha finally gave Sara a push and
ordered, "Go tell Cameron. Now!" Sara laughed and darted away.
Sara did tell Cameron and received an
enthusiastic kiss from him and a peculiar look from Russ before she went back
to work cleaning up. She didn't think anything more about the strange glances,
attributing them all to the fact that everyone was beginning to realize she
really was an alien.
Early in the evening, however, when
everyone stopped working and gathered for dinner, Sister Eagle presented a new
possibility for Sara's bizarre test results. "I can't believe how gullible
everyone is. If Sara's test was positive today, it's because she was pregnant
before she was married."
Sara gaped at Sister Eagle, certain her
heart had stopped. Cameron laughed.
Brother Vance nodded. "That would
explain things, wouldn't it?"
"The haste in which she became engaged
and was then married," Sister Vance observed. "The reason she was ill
the day of her wedding."
Sara felt blood rush into her cheeks. She
should have known this would happen. How dare
they?
Cameron waved his hand dismissively.
"You're completely out of line. Sara and I were never even alone together
before we were married."
Sister Eagle shook her head at Cameron
pityingly. "Excuse me for saying this, Bishop, but you're such a fool. You
know nothing about this girl and what men she may have been with."
Sara could see that Cameron was bursting to
tell Sister Eagle that she was the one who was the fool, but he was the bishop
and that wasn't allowed, so Sara said it herself. "Sister Eagle, if you
think your bishop is gullible enough to marry a woman he doesn't know better
than that, then you're the one who's
the fool."
"She's probably been sleeping with Dr.
Carroll," said Rick Dixon.
"Which was why he was so angry at her
after the wedding," Kevin Krantz said. "He didn't want to share
her." Many others grunted and nodded their agreement. Sara couldn't
believe Ben's own student would suggest such a thing.
"You're sick!" Ashley cried.
"And you're a moron!" said Erica
Rice.
"Stop it right now!" Cyndi
ordered.
"Why else would your father have
agreed to marry them so quickly?" Erica pressed. "He was trying to
cover up his sins! And Sara was looking for an easy marriage!"
Sara put a finger to her temple.
"Pssst . . . Where have your brain cells gone? If Ben
Carroll and I were lovers, I would have hugged him this morning and none of you
would have known a thing!"
"The two of you had a wedding hug to
explain to Cameron and Ashley and Tony," Russ countered.
Sara shook her head vigorously. "At
the wedding I wouldn't have offered Ben my hand or called him Father. I would
have embraced him as normal, and there wouldn't have been anything to
explain!"
"How do we know calling Dr. Carroll 'Father'
wasn't your way of breaking up with him?" said Brent Hall.
"I said, stop this right now!"
Cyndi yelled. When all of the murmurs of doubt and speculation ceased, she said
in a calmer tone, "I gave Sara an examination Tuesday morning. There is no
possible way she could have been pregnant. Sara really is programmed
differently. The baby is Cameron's."
"Why would you cover for this little
tramp, Cyndi?" Sister Eagle asked.
Cyndi turned toward Sister Eagle,
incredulous. "You're calling me a liar?"
"You do have a soft spot for this
girl," Brother Vance said.
Cyndi threw her arms up. "Why do you
want so badly to discredit Sara?"
"Yes, Ann," Ben said, folding his
arms over his waist, "why are you so determined to discredit Sara?"
"Because she corrupted you."
"We will not stand by and allow her to gain any more power in the colony
than she has already gained," Sister Vance said.
"Do you know what I think?" Ben
said. "I think you're terrified that Sara, and Cameron, may actually be
telling the truth, that Eden is a dangerous planet and that we made a serious
mistake in coming here at all."
"Do you think we made a mistake,
Ben?" Trevor asked.
Ben nodded. "Yes. I do."
"If you really believe that, Dr.
Carroll," Jordan said, "then Sara has
corrupted you."
"No. Sara has not corrupted me. She
has enlightened me. As long as I've known her, she's never been anything but
perfectly honest in everything she says and does. If she says it, she believes
it."
"Is her baby yours or not, Dr.
Carroll?" Russ demanded.
Marc shot Sara an accusatory look. "It
can't possibly be Cameron's." He glanced over at Tony in a suspicious way.
Jordan couldn't resist throwing his own questioning glances in Sara and Tony's
direction.
Ben stared Russ down. "I refuse to
respond to such ridiculous speculations. But I will say this. If we want to
survive on this unstable planet, we will lay down our pride right now and unite
behind our bishop, and we will open our minds to the irrational and impossible.
And speaking of the impossible, Control Colony seems to have disappeared."
"What do you mean, it
disappeared?" Tony asked, shaking his head at Marc and Jordan, his
expression one of disgust.
"We've been trying all day to make
contact, and there's no response."
"You're sure there isn't something
wrong with the equipment?" Trevor asked.
"Certain."
"What time are the engineers due to
arrive?" Cameron asked.
"At eight o'clock. Until then, let's
finish eating in peace and have no more slander, or Eden may send another storm
that will destroy the engineers' transport before it can get here!"
Thunder crashed, and the colonists groaned
in unison. Some slammed fists down on tables, some jumped up to close the
windows, and others shook their heads in suspicion and frustration at Sara and
Ben. Most of the colonists sincerely believed that there was more going on
between the two of them than either she or Ben had admitted. People she had
thought were her friends now thought she was a liar and a tramp, and even Ben's
closest associates were turning on him! Sara knew that she shouldn't let their
ignorant assumptions bother her, but she couldn't help it--she was angry and
hurt.
Before anyone could say anything, Ben held
out his hands in an attempt to calm everyone down.
"Shhhhh . . . no one say a word . . . if we're
completely silent, it ought to stop soon enough."
The sordid speculation did stop for the
moment, but Sara had lost her appetite. She pushed her plate away and sat down
in Cameron's lap, laying her head on his. He kissed her neck and held her
tightly until the storm passed about ten minutes later.
When the storm was over, Cameron whispered,
"I'm going to corner Russ, and then I'm going to help my father move. We're
going to set up a tent for him on Trevor and Cyndi's property."
Sara pulled away from Cameron a little and
tried to smile. "Forgive me if I pass on that one."
Cameron did smile. "I think the colony
would demand you pass on that one. Ashley may need some help, though."
Sara shook her head. "I can't face
your mother right now." She was relieved that Barbara had agreed to let
Ashley move back home and had rejected Sister Eagle's offer to stay with her a
while. Sara was afraid that witch would have poisoned Barbara against her for
good. "I think I'll just go home."
Cameron squeezed Sara. "I'll be there
as soon as I can. Uncle Trevor wants to bring our furniture to us after we're
done helping my father."
Sara stood up. She quickly disposed of her
leftover food and eating utensils in the decomposer and left without speaking
to anyone. The colonists could make all of the crass comments they wanted, but
she didn't have to remain to hear them.
Once home, Sara slipped into her swimsuit,
draped her old robe and a towel around her shoulders, and hauled the filthy
clothing that was still on the living room floor to the stream on her property.
She rinsed the clothing out in the clear water, hung it on limbs to dry, then
waded farther into the stream to a spot where the water had swelled because of
the storms. The day before, it had covered her kneecaps while standing. Now it
flowed around her hips, numbing her skin with its coldness.
The air smelled of honeysuckle and pine,
and the water reflected the stars and trees as it wound away from her and out
of sight through the forest. She wasn't sure even Center Park was so beautiful,
and she spent a half an hour, at least, wading in the stream and relaxing on
its bank, hoping Cameron would come home soon and join her.
Sara eventually realized Cameron would not
come and, in disappointment, donned her robe and went back to the house. She
was in the middle of combing her hair when Cameron slipped into the room from
his office, startling her.
Cameron quickly closed the door behind him
and fell against it, gazing at her with a longing sigh. "I only have a
minute," he said in regret. "Would you be willing to tell my father
about the dream you had of your mother?"
"I . . . don't
know." What a strange request! Sara looked tentatively at the door.
"Is he here?"
Cameron nodded once. "I think that
hearing your mother's story would give him hope."
Sara hadn't thought of that. Still, the
conversation between her and her mother had been so personal. Then again,
Cameron had asked because he believed it was what his father needed right now.
Ben did have enough confidence in her sincerity that he would believe the
dream, every word of it.
Sara finally nodded at Cameron. "Let
me go change."
"I insist
you go change!"
Once Cameron disappeared into his office,
Sara went to the bedroom to throw on some clean clothes. A few minutes later,
she knocked lightly on the office door. Cameron opened the door, and Sara stepped
into the room. Ben sat in one of the camp chairs, his head in his hand. Hearing
her enter, he lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes desolate and dull.
Seeing Ben so pale and debilitated grieved
Sara. She couldn't smile. "Did the engineers make it?"
He shook his head.
"Have you heard from them?"
"No." Ben gazed at her earnestly.
"I want you to know, Sara, that I apologized to Cameron for trying to
steal his wife. And I meant it. I feel as King David must have felt, when
Nathan accused him of stealing Uriah's 'little ewe lamb.'"
Sara didn't know what to say, so she merely
nodded her acknowledgment. Cameron touched her arm and then her back in a
caressing way, guiding her into a chair positioned on the other side of the
table from his father's chair. Cameron moved so that he was standing behind her
and placed his hands on her shoulders. Sara instinctively leaned her head
against him, craving his closeness, and Cameron rubbed her neck lovingly.
Ben watched them, his eyes filling with
tears. "I'm more sorry than I can express."
Cameron brushed Sara's hair away from her
face and kissed the top of her head. "Father knows why you're here, so you
can go ahead, whenever you're ready."
Sara wanted to give the dream to Ben telepathically,
but she wasn't sure how to do it while editing out the more personal parts
concerning her fertility. She went ahead and did the best she could by
speaking, ending with what her mother had told her about repentance: "That
is the beauty of the Atonement. You repent, accept the consequences of what you
have done, and move on, and by the Lord's miraculous power, life's tangles work
themselves out."
Many moments of silence passed before Ben
said, his tone wry, "How is it your father made two successful marriages
and I've been unable to make one?"
Sara stood up. "I don't think there's
any easy answer to that one."
"Actually, I think there might
be," Ben said in a tone of self-reproach. "Your father loves both of
your mothers unconditionally. It's been a long time since I've been able to
love my wife that way."
"You love Sara that way," Cameron
pointed out.
Ben looked at Sara uneasily. Sara nodded
slowly. "It would have been so easy for you to discredit me, to make the
colonists think I'm a liar and a tramp or a silly little girl, but you didn't."
"Don't let what the others said
disturb you, Sara. I betrayed you all, and many of them can't accept it. Some
of them are frightened and disillusioned, and they don't know you the way I do.
They need time."
"They wouldn't have known you had
betrayed them. Not yet, anyway. You believe in me and gave up your reputation
for me, and that's about as unconditional as it gets."
Cameron nodded. "If you can do that
for Sara, you can do it for Mother too."
"Whether I can love your mother that
way again or not is the question, isn't it? And even if I can, it may be too
late."
Sara knew she needed to leave. She kissed
Cameron lightly and moved toward the door. "Sara," Ben said. Sara
turned toward him again. His eyes were a little brighter than they had been
when she had entered the room. "Thank you."
Sara nodded at him and smiled, then left
him alone with Cameron. Trevor and several other men arrived about thirty
minutes later with the new furniture and other presents. They assembled the
furniture and left, promising to return Monday to wire the house and install
the synthesizing machines. Sara spent the rest of the evening rearranging the
furniture and putting everything away. When she was finished, she surveyed her
home, thinking it was beautiful, not just because she liked how it looked, but
because it represented Ben's acceptance of her marriage to Cameron.
Around ten o'clock, Sara sat down at the
little oak desk, which she had positioned in front of the window in the babies'
area, and booted up her laptop. She wrote in her journal until she was so tired
she could do nothing more than stare at the screen, and still Cameron didn't
come. She finally collapsed into bed, more lonely than she thought she would
be. She drifted to sleep telling herself over and over that life wouldn't
always be this hectic and praying that her disappointment would go away. She
had married Cameron to be a support to him, not a burden.
Sara awoke when Cameron lay down beside her
at around one o'clock, sliding his arelada necklace under his pillow.
"Good morning, Sweet King," she whispered groggily, trying to smile.
Sara could feel his body tremble. I love you, Sara. Do you know that?
Sara kissed him, disturbed to taste his
tears. Of course I do. She touched
his cheek. And I love you too.
Cameron returned her kiss ardently, kissing
her again and again, clutching her to himself as he wept.
*
As Sara and Cameron lay in tranquility together
during the earliest hours of the morning, the earthquakes began. They weren't
severe earthquakes, but they were frequent, several occurring every hour.
Cameron had drifted to sleep in Sara's arms
when she heard loud knocks at the door and shouts for Cameron. She pushed
Cameron away and grabbed her robe, putting it on as she went to the door,
Cameron stumbling out of bed behind her.
Russ, Brent, Marc, and about ten other
students met Sara at the door, their angry faces suddenly anxious in the light
of their lanterns. "You're here," Brittany Novak said in surprise.
"Of course I'm here! Where else would
I be?" Everyone seemed to be staring at her exotic red robe, the
expressions ranging from slight discomfort to utter embarrassment. Sara suddenly
felt self-conscious, as if something private had been unveiled.
Sara felt Cameron encircle her waist from
behind and rest his chin on her shoulder. "What's this about, Russ?
Brent?"
"We felt the earthquakes and were
afraid . . ." Russ averted his eyes, unable to look at
Cameron directly.
"We were afraid Sara might have
slipped out to be with your father," Marc finished.
"What is wrong with you people!"
Sara said, breaking away from Cameron and going back to their room.
"I think we need to have a little
chat," Sara heard Cameron say in an exasperated tone. "Everyone come
in and have a seat."
Leaving the bedroom door open, Sara sat
down on the bed, sliding her feet into the silk slippers that went with the
robe.
Sara watched Cameron turn a dining chair
around and sit down facing the living room and babies' room area. "I'm
sorry there aren't enough chairs to go around," he said. "Some of you
will just have to sit on the floor." He shot that destroying-angel look at
Russ, then at Brent, and Sara was suddenly glad she wasn't one of them. Sara
had a feeling Cameron would give the two of them the chastisement of their
lives after this discussion was finished.
There was a rustling noise as every sat
down. Danielle Young said anxiously, "We're sorry, Bishop. After the
second earthquake, we all just went a little crazy."
"Why didn't you go knock on my father's
tent?"
"The Vances and Sister Eagle went to
check on your father," Russ admitted.
"I see." Cameron pulled his gold
silk robe more tightly around his body and folded his arms, stretching his legs
and crossing them at the ankles. "Let's establish a few facts. First of
all, was I or was I not called to be the bishop of the Eden Colony Ward by
proper authority?"
"You were," Brent said.
"Obviously."
Cameron nodded once. "Obviously."
He held out his hands. "Do we all agree on that?" Cameron nodded
again, several times. "We agree. And we agree that President Grant himself
was called by proper authority and that he speaks for God according to his
stewardship?"
Sara heard murmurs of agreement. Russ said,
"If he wasn't called by proper authority, there's no Church."
"This is true." Cameron glanced
at Sara sidelong. "He wasn't an alien disguised as President Grant, was
he?" Sara grinned and quickly covered her mouth. The others laughed.
Cameron flickered his eyebrows at Sara, the
corner of his mouth lifting slightly. "No? So you don't think President
Grant was under the influence of an alien or in any other way insane?"
Sara heard a few murmurs of "no" amidst the laughter. "All
right," Cameron said. "Now for the million-dollar question: Who, of
those of you present for my ordination, remember what President Grant said to
Sara?"
No one responded right away, and Sara knew
that Russ, Brent, and Marc, at least had been there. Cameron was a genius. Sara
knew that President Grant's comment to her had probably come as a result of his
personal opinion, not direct revelation. The others undoubtedly believed that
too, but it didn't matter. The opinion of a member of the First Presidency was
worth a great deal. If President Grant's comments didn't vindicate her, nothing
would.
"Well?" Cameron urged.
"He congratulated her on how well she
did at the NCAA championships." The voice belonged to Russ.
"And then he told her you were a good
man," Brent said, his voice becoming excited as he realized the
significance of the conversation. "And then he told her that if you tried
to get away, she was supposed to chase you down!"
"He said that? Really?" Danielle
said.
"He did," Marc agreed.
"Then Sara couldn't possibly have been
sleeping with Dr. Carroll," Brittany deduced. "If she had, President
Grant would have had a bad feeling about her and never would have encouraged
her in the bishop's direction."
"Hey, Sara!" Erica Rice called.
"Get out of bed and come tell us what President Grant said to you!"
Sara did get out of bed, but instead of
meekly facing her accusers, she slammed the door. She turned and leaned against
the door, listening to the muffled voices.
"She's angry," said a female
voice. Sara believed it belonged to Erica.
"Can you blame her?" Cameron's
voice was easy to identify. "You rush up here in the middle of the night,
expecting her to be off somewhere with my father, and then you expect her to
accommodate you."
"It's in her own best interest to
repeat her conversation with President Grant," said another female voice,
Brittany probably.
"She's already told you more than she
ever dreamed she would, and still you accuse her of being a liar and a
tramp."
"The results of the pregnancy test
make no sense." Unsurprisingly, the skeptical voice was Marc's.
"Sara! Get out here right now and explain your alien chemistry!"
Sara's mother hadn't provided her with the
kind of detailed information about her reproductive cycle that would satisfy a
doctor's curiosity, even if she wanted to explain it to him. She had known Marc
for months! He, of everyone out there, was supposed to be her friend!
"No one comes into my house and
demands anything!"
Sara didn't hear any voices for at least a
minute. Finally Cameron said in a more subdued tone, "Sara obviously has
no intention of speaking with any of you right now; I insist you leave her
alone. Now. Do any of you have any other concerns that can be discussed in a
rational manner?"
"Doesn't it bother you, Bishop, that
Sara is in love with your father?" Danielle asked.
"Sara cares about my father; she is
not in love with him," Cameron corrected. "And no. It doesn't bother
me that Sara loves my father any more than it bothers her that I love her
father."
"But she's attracted to him!"
said Rick Dixon. Sara would know that whiny voice anywhere. "That much is
obvious!"
"Sara's feelings for my father are
strictly those of a daughter. She doesn't regard him as a potential husband,
and certainly not as a lover. My father, himself, understands this now and has
stopped pursuing Sara."
"How can you be so sure about that?"
The voice was too muffled for Sara to determine beyond a doubt who was
speaking, but she believed it was Brent. "How can you be so sure Sara won't
respond to him if he starts pursuing her again?"
"Aside from the fact that Sara's in
love with me, I'm certain my father won't pursue Sara anymore because he loves
her unconditionally. He sincerely wants her to be happy and knows she'll be
happier with me than with him."
"I can't accept that." The voice
belonged to the young man who had spoken before. "How could a person truly
love the object of his marital unfaithfulness? It's a contradiction that
selfless love could come out of sin."
"That's true. At the same time,
though, you have to recognize the fact that my father, in ending his pursuit of
Sara and confessing everything to the colony, has taken a major step toward
repentance."
"You're suggesting, then, that the
unconditional nature of his love for Sara is arising more from his repentance
than from his unfaithfulness, that he really didn't love her in an
unconditional way before he confessed everything."
"Almost. The act of stopping the pursuit is what unleashed
the unconditional love and gave my father the strength to confess. While there
is no doubt that my father was wrong to pursue a romantic relationship with
Sara, one good thing did come out of it. My father sincerely wanted Sara to be
his companion and partner."
"Yeah, right!" Marc protested.
"What he wants is his 'Little Panther' in bed!"
"It is hard to believe, Cameron, that someone like your father could
want someone as young and unsophisticated as Sara as a real wife." Russ's
voice, with its touch of skepticism, wasn't difficult to identify either.
"As opposed to what?" said
Danielle. "A fake wife?"
"A trophy wife."
"Sara would never let herself become a
trophy wife," said Brittany.
"Dr. Carroll must like it that she's
unsophisticated," said a male voice Sara didn't recognize.
"Do you think she's listening?" a
female voice asked.
Russ laughed wholeheartedly. It was
actually a gratifying sound. "Absolutely!"
"His wife seems too sophisticated," said another male voice.
"That's the bishop's mother you're
talking about," Erica reprimanded.
"So it's wrong to offend me by saying
my mother's too sophisticated, but it's all right to accuse my wife of sleeping
with my father?" Cameron sounded very
offended.
"It does sound ridiculous."
"And sick."
"We're all nuts." Cameron's
guests laughed nervously.
Eventually Brittany asked, "How could
Sara not have known your father was attracted to her?"
"No
American woman is that innocent and unsophisticated," said Erica.
Sara vowed to herself that she would keep
her mouth shut from now on. She needed to develop a little sophistication, if
for no other reason than self-preservation. Shouting at Barbara had caused her
nothing but trouble.
"You have to remember, Sara is more a
Novaunian than she is an Earthon and completely unaware of it. Her father's the
same way. He's oblivious to his own uniqueness in a way that feels, well, alien."
Cameron's observation shocked Sara and she
almost stepped out of the bedroom and asked him to explain what he meant.
"So you think Sara's artlessness stems
more from her alien mind and heritage than a lack of worldly experience?"
The voice belonged to Russ. He sounded intrigued.
"Yes, I do. She's completely
unconscious of the electrifying effect she has on men, and so is her father. If
he had perceived it, he would have locked her up or taught her to be more
guarded. But no. She has the open, uninhibited nature of a five-year-old, the
body of an Olympian, the mind of a prodigy, and the virtue of an angel. She's
utterly strange. Strange and wonderful. And not only does her father not see it,
he expects her to be this way, as if that's the way he raised her, as if he
taught her the skills he knew she would need to survive on Novaun, not
Earth."
"He meant to take her back to Novaun,
then?" Marc said.
"I think so."
"I don't know, Bishop," said
Erica. "Sara may be unsophisticated, but she isn't stupid. She should have
known there was something wrong in her relationship with your father."
"None of the rest of you realized my
father was attracted to Sara until this morning," Cameron reminded.
"So in that sense, you're all saps. Are you sure it's really Sara you're
accusing of corrupt behavior and not yourselves? For allowing yourselves to be
led by Tohmazz Zarr and my father and then betrayed by them?"
Cameron's suggestion must have hit pretty
close to the mark, because no one spoke. Finally Cameron said, "I know it
seems strange that my father would want Sara as a true partner and companion. I
had a hard time accepting that fact also, but it's the truth. He respects her
and trusts her. When she gives him advice, he listens.
"She's said many things to him over
the past week, and a lot of it he didn't want to hear, but he did hear it. It's because of this, along
with the fact that Sara cares about him and believes in his goodness despite
the serious nature of his mistakes, that my father was willing to do some
soul-searching and can, therefore, now admit he was wrong to lead us all here.
That is a major step for him. A necessary
step both for him and the colony. You should be thrilled circumstances have brought him to that point so quickly. I
am!"
Sara felt odd. If Ben had changed his
attitude so quickly and so drastically because of her influence, what would
have happened had she realized her error sooner and insisted on staying home?
Even as she formulated the question in her mind, she knew the answer. Ben
Carroll would not have left Earth without her; he loved her too much. As she
pondered, she became acutely aware of her own power. She had facilitated one
man in making a terrible mistake and had inspired another man with the
confidence necessary to undo that mistake. What did power like this make her? A
queen or a femme fatale?
The ground rumbled. Sara shifted and leaned
against the door with her side, still straining to hear what was being said.
When the tremor passed, Danielle asked anxiously, "What do you think is
causing the earthquakes, Bishop?"
"Obviously not Sara stepping out with
my father."
"We're sorry, Cameron." Russ
sounded truly contrite. Others murmured their apologies also.
"Russ and Brent," Cameron said,
"I'd like a few minutes with you alone. The rest of you try to get some
sleep."
Sara went back to the bed and dropped
herself onto it, stretching as she did. What in the galaxy was causing these
nighttime earthquakes? She was too exhausted to attack the problem in any kind
of rational way. At least the tremors weren't severe. It was almost as if the
planet merely wanted to warn the colony something was wrong, not do real
damage.
The bedroom door opened and Cameron came
in. He knelt down next to the bed and smoothed the hair out of her face.
Sara asked immediately, "Do you think
I need to be more guarded?"
Cameron smiled in that sad way he had.
"I hoped you were listening."
"Well?"
"With my father and other men, yes.
Absolutely. With me, never. Never ever! I love the way you are." Cameron
kissed her. "I have a couple of counselors to set straight, and then I'm
going to go for a walk. Don't wait up for me."
Cameron's face was so grave in the
moonlight coming through the window, his eyes so glassy, that Sara knew
immediately what he suspected. Sadness nearly suffocated her. "It's your
mother, isn't it?"
Cameron pressed his fingers against Sara's
lips. "We can't discuss this."
Cameron kissed her again, then stood up and
left. Sara watched him go, visions of Barbara alone in bed, finally releasing
her grief in noiseless weeping, thinking no one would know or care. What could
Cameron possibly do about it? Did he plan to go to her door, or maybe to her
window? Or did he think he would walk right into her room uninvited? Was it
even right for him to invade her privacy that way, despite the fact that the
earthquakes posed a threat to the colony?
Sara's throat burned and tears dribbled
onto her pillow. The events of the day pounded through her mind over and over
again, and as hard as she tried, she couldn't refrain from putting herself in
Barbara's place. Had Cameron announced that he was in love with another woman,
Sara would be devastated, humiliated, and furious. How would the grief be
compounded had she been married to Cameron as long as Barbara had been married
to Ben?
Eventually Sara heard male voices outside
the house. Once they faded, she sobbed, making the noise Barbara, with her lack
of complete solitude, would never allow herself to make. Weeping for Barbara
made Sara feel heartbroken and ashamed for the contribution she had made to
Barbara's unhappiness.
Sara wanted
to wish she had never met Ben Carroll, but couldn't. She couldn't imagine life
without him any more than she could imagine life without Cameron, and that
realization made her feel worse than ever.
Sara dragged herself to breakfast with
Cameron the next morning. No one in the colony seemed to have slept the night
before. Even Barbara, with her perfectly pressed cotton dress and immaculate
hair, looked pale and drained. Her eyes weren't red and puffy, though, and Sara
couldn't help but wonder how she managed to look so elegant and unperturbed.
Sara's own eyelids were swollen and red spots had appeared on her face.
"The synthesizing machines look as if
they've been bolted to the walls and to the tables," Ashley observed.
"I wonder why."
"Didn't you feel the earthquakes last
night?" Sara said as she punched in her selection.
"There were earthquakes last
night?" Brandon said in surprise, removing his tray of food from a
synthesizing machine.
Erica Rice nodded. "Half the colony
was here. Your father had Brother Dixon and his team bolt all of the
synthesizing machines to the walls and floors."
"What caused them?" Ashley asked.
"No one knows," Samantha said,
removing her tray. She, Ashley, and Brandon followed Sara and Cameron to the
Carroll tables, speculating on possible causes of the earthquakes.
Once most of the colonists had seated
themselves with their trays of food, Ben arrived with Trevor and Cyndi and
their family. He appeared as calm and as elegant as Barbara did, even though
Sara was certain Ben, in his anxiety for the colony and turmoil of spirit, hadn't
slept at all.
After breakfast, the colonists trudged to
Ash Auditorium for church, and the remainder of the day passed in a quiet way.
Late Sunday night, however, the earthquakes began again. On Monday morning,
only half the colonists showed up for breakfast at the usual time. To those who
were there, Ben announced, "Control Colony still isn't answering our
transmissions, nor have the engineers arrived to repair the synthesizing
machine. I'm afraid something is seriously wrong."
"Have you made contact with any of the
other colonies?" Cameron asked.
"Only two, Third and Fourteenth. They're
having the same problems we are--inexplicable storms and earthquakes. They,
too, have been unable to contact Control Colony and have begged us to
investigate. Since lightning destroyed both primary synthesizing machines
before vehicles could be constructed, they're stranded."
"Who are you taking with you?"
Trevor asked.
Ben turned to Barbara with a kind smile.
"Barbara, if she thinks she can bear a few days alone with me."
Everyone looked at Barbara for her answer.
Her expression remained unreadable. "I would rather stay here."
"Please, Barbara," Ben said
softly. "I'll be your captive. You can berate me all you want, and no one
will ever know."
"Just no screaming and yelling,"
Trevor said pleasantly. "We want you to make it back safely."
Barbara stood up and walked with icy
dignity out the door, passing Ben without a glance in his direction. Cameron
followed her.
Once Barbara and Cameron were gone, Ben
said with a sigh, turning to the Vances, "Duane, I guess you're going with
me." Brother Vance nodded. "Rachel, I trust you'll have a
constitution ready for colony ratification when I return. Trevor, we may never
see an engineer from Control Colony. It's up to you and your team to get the
primary machine working again."
Ben gave instructions to several others as
he moved toward the synthesizing machines. He removed a sandwich and headed
back out the door.
An earthquake suddenly shook the building.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked helplessly around at each
other. Sara suspected Cameron had tried to encourage his mother to talk and
that she had insisted she was fine. What was Cameron going to do?
The earthquake ended a few seconds later,
and speculations flew. "How do we know the planet isn't just nuts?"
Tony said.
"Maybe it hates humans," Adam
said, "and is trying to scare us away."
"Maybe it's just unstable and the
earthquakes mean nothing at all."
The speculating continued as the colonists
began separating for the work of the day. Thankfully, no one accused Sara of
unseemly behavior this time. Cyndi walked with Sara to the decomposer and
dropped her utensils into the tank. "Are you feeling all right?"
Sara shrugged. "Well enough."
"Why don't you go back to bed?"
"I couldn't do that! There's too much
to do."
"You look exhausted."
"It's been a rough couple of nights
for everyone. I'm no more exhausted than anyone else is."
Cyndi smiled knowingly. "Not many of
the others have your excuse."
"Everything that happened Saturday did
get to me," Sara admitted. "My emotions have been really brittle. I've
never been this sensitive about things."
Cyndi's smile broadened. "You're
pregnant, remember?"
Understanding illuminated Sara's mind.
"I'm pregnant."
Cyndi nodded. "You're supposed to be
tired and emotional."
"But I'm a Novaunian. It should be
different for me."
Cyndi held the dining hall door open for
Sara. "And it is. Your body chemistry is changing far more rapidly than an
Earth woman's would."
Sara nodded as she jogged down the stairs,
feeling ridiculous. She should have suspected. "The blood test was positive."
"What else do you know about your
reproductive system?"
"Not much."
"I'll keep you company on your way
home, and you can tell me what you know."
As they walked, Sara told Cyndi the things
her father had told her and then described how her mother had come to her in a
dream to give her more explicit details. Cyndi listened, enthralled. "As
you were maturing, how could you not know your cycle was different? Or did your
parents never allow you to attend the customary family living classes?"
"My cycle isn't that different. I
menstruate every four weeks on the dot; I even know what time it will start. It
lasts for one day, and it's gone."
Cyndi's eyebrows rose in amazement.
"And I'll bet you know what time it will stop."
Sara nodded. "I knew I was a little
strange, but I always attributed it to having a perfectly healthy body."
"I'm sorry, Sara, but it seems
criminal to me that your father didn't reveal your racial heritage to you
sooner. Why do you think he waited so long? And why didn't he give you the 'explicit
details' himself?"
Sara smiled. "You obviously don't know
my father!"
"I'm surprised you aren't annoyed with
him."
Sara shrugged. "My father's probably
been meaning to tell me everything for years. I don't doubt he had a dozen
reasons for doing so and a dozen reasons for waiting. I'm sure the alternatives
fought inside of his big brain and paralyzed him, so in the end, he did nothing
until I backed him into a corner. That's Dad. Besides. He couldn't have told me
everything my mother did. Some of it simply couldn't be vocalized, and Dad hasn't
been able to use telepathy since the Zarrists came."
As Sara opened the door to her house, Cyndi
said, "You may be of a fertile and resilient race, Sara, but you're still
a mortal woman. Don't push yourself too hard. If you pay attention, you'll
understand soon enough what you can handle."
"And what I can't. I really don't want
to turn into a witch, Cyndi."
Cyndi followed Sara into the house.
"The best way to keep yourself from becoming a witch is to get plenty of
sleep!" She waved toward Sara's bedroom. "Good night!"
Sara did as Cyndi suggested and went into
her room. She dropped herself onto her bed and lay down, kicking off her boots.
"Good night," she said wearily.
Cyndi's face became serious. "After
you wake up, when your mind is fresh, you should use your father's arelada and
make contact with the planet-spirit. Here. Alone. Where you can relax and not
have to perform for the colony."
Sara picked at the yarn on her quilt,
feeling troubled. "You think Control Colony's dead, then?"
"I think it's a good
possibility."
*
Sara did sleep, and when she awoke several
hours later, she decided to take Cyndi's advice and try to make contact with
the planet-spirit. Feeling invigorated, she brushed her hair, then jogged
around her house and into the little clearing where she and Cameron had hidden
the box of arelada. She sat down on the tender grass and pulled her mother's
arelada pendant from under her shirt and held it in her hand, hoping that being
outdoors would help her feel a connection to the planet and make it easier.
Hearing leaves rustling nearby, she turned
and saw Cameron approaching, his hair white in the sun. Seeing the tray of
sandwiches, fruit, and water in his hands, her stomach growled.
Cameron carefully sat down and laid the
tray on the grass in the shade of the sassafras tree. "Were you able to
make contact with the planet-spirit?"
Sara shook her head. "There wasn't
time."
"When you're ready to try again, I can
help you." Cameron handed Sara a sandwich half.
Sara's stomach growled again as she smelled
the ham, cheese, lettuce and pickles in her sandwich. She bit into it, nodding.
After she had swallowed what was in her mouth, she said, "Together we
should be stronger. Hopefully it won't take too long."
They ate and talked, and when the time
came to try communicating with the planet-spirit, Cameron went to the house to
get his arelada necklace. When he returned to the clearing, Sara suddenly felt
his essence enfold her. She reached her spirit out to him and felt him melt
into her and her into him, their thoughts, emotions, and sensations merging.
When they both felt ready, they flowed into the ground, probing for foreign
emotion. Fury, frustration, and, oddly enough, loneliness sprang forth and
grabbed them. Sara was surprised by how easy it was to make contact.
Feeling as if she and Cameron would be
swallowed, Sara, in terror, tried to withdraw. Eden's spirit clung to them,
though, a feeling of urgency coloring the fury.
It
wants to communicate, Cameron thought in surprise.
She
wants to communicate, Sara corrected. She didn't know how she knew Eden was
female, but she did. The realization that Eden wanted to communicate gave Sara
courage. Pulling Cameron's spirit along with hers, she dove into the fury,
attempting to open her Awareness even further.
As Sara spread herself into Eden's spirit,
the fury became understandable, even inevitable. Of course Eden hated the
colonists; the colonists were lice. Lice had invaded Sara's hair in sixth
grade, so she knew what Eden was feeling. Sara remembered the unbearable
itching, the smelly pesticide shampoo, and the sores on her scalp. The harder
the bugs bit, the more she had scratched. Her mother had combed debris out of
her hair, and then she had spent hours under the fluorescent light in the
kitchen scraping the nits off of the hair shafts with tweezers. Then had come
the vacuuming, and the sterilizing of brushes and combs, and the second
application of pesticide shampoo. Combing and combing, scraping and scraping.
Sara had been so frustrated that she had almost asked her mother to shave her
head. Anything to get rid of those indestructible bugs!
The frustration pressing down on Sara
shocked her by forming words she could understand: Mortals are filthy creatures. They commit whoredoms, they intoxicate
themselves, they fight, they blaspheme, and they lie and try to bridle me.
Mortals had tried to bridle Eden's spirit?
What in the galaxy did that mean? Not all
mortals do those things. Not all are filthy.
Those who are not filthy are stupid. All
but you, Stormy-Empath-Mortal, and your husband, Bishop-Mortal.
The
other mortals aren't stupid, Sara replied.
They simply don't understand, Cameron communicated, finishing
Sara's thought. You need to give them
time.
They aren't used to thinking of a planet as
an intelligent being with opinions that must be respected.
Eden's
fury and frustration cooled. She felt almost rational. I will give them time. A little time. You must teach them,
Stormy-Empath-Mortal, and be their ruler.
Panic
surged through Sara, interlaced by Cameron's astonishment. Their ruler? What do you mean?
I appoint you as the leader of the mortals.
But Ben Carroll is the leader of the group
of mortals I live with,
Sara protested. He's made some mistakes,
but he's a very good leader.
Eden's
frustration began rising again. Wounded-Mortal-Who-
Thinks-He's-In-Charge does not rule you; you rule him.
Ben Carroll has taken some of my advice.
That doesn't mean I rule him.
Eden's
tone of thought was insistent. You are
clear, awake, and guileless. He is full of shadows, weary, and weak. You will
take his place.
But my husband is a bishop, a very busy
man, and I'm pregnant with twins!
I can't be the governor! And what in
the galaxy was she going to do about being Primary president? How could she
possibly manage this new responsibility?
Let
me be the leader, Cameron communicated.
Sara knew Cameron was trying to protect
her, but she didn't think it would be any less stressful to their marriage for
Cameron to take the job as governor than it would be for her to take it. The
job of governor belonged to Ben Carroll and that was that.
Tempest refused to consider Cameron's
suggestion. You are not the telepathic
communicator and empath, Bishop-Mortal.
I can learn. Cameron did believe it would be less stressful to their marriage if he
became the governor. He would not be bearing and breast-feeding thirty babies.
Not only that, but the thought of Sara working so closely with his father, who
would logically continue to manage the colony under her leadership, filled
Cameron with dread.
Tempest's spirit swelled with anger and
fear. You are a man.
I am not the man you fear.
I am Tempest! The planet persisted, her tone
of thought becoming frenetic. She is
Stormy-Empath-Mortal, a compatible spirit! She comprehends me, and I comprehend
her! I will not tolerate any other leader!
We
have no choice, Cameron, Sara thought in resignation.
The
colonists will eat us alive!
Then
I will eat them! Tempest proclaimed.
No!
You can't do that! Sara communicated.
He didn't mean it literally. He meant
that the other humans will be angry with us when we tell them what you want.
Many of them won't accept my leadership.
Bring them to me with their thoughts, and I
will explain my demands.
I don't know how to join their thoughts
with yours. I'm just beginning to learn how to communicate telepathically.
You must act as a channel,
Stormy-Empath-Mortal. The
images of what needed to be done flowed into Sara and Cameron's minds.
Sara's first thought was that it would
probably take a month of practice to be able to do what Tempest wanted. Her
second thought was that the colonists would never agree to communicate with her
that way, much less with Tempest.
I
will help you practice, Stormy-Empath-Mortal. It would please me to communicate
with you.
It
wanted to be friends! That was too weird. Some
of them may refuse to join their thoughts with mine. And yours.
The mortals who do not accept your
leadership will die.
Just when Sara was certain she was communicating
with a giant homicidal maniac and wondering how Tempest could believe they were
spiritually compatible, she remembered the lice. The other colonists had no
idea how close they were to becoming hair debris. What other mortals have you killed? What did you do to Control Colony?
Zarr-Mortals
touched my spirit in an attempt to rearrange life on my face. When I resisted,
they tried to constrain me. Fury rose in Tempest again. Mortals will not command me! I will not be bridled! I buried the Zarr-Mortals deep
in the sea.
Horror submerged Sara. And the other colonies?
Earth-Mortals
are whoremongers and liars, who fight amongst themselves and profane the Lord's
name. They contaminate me. Some I swallowed. Others I covered with snow or
rocks. The rest I destroyed with electricity.
Tempest
showed images of the destruction to Sara. The island where Control Colony had
established its base had, indeed, fallen into the sea, and most of the other
colonies had experienced severe storms, earthquakes, avalanches, and fires. As
terrible as this scene was, however, Sara could see that several of the
colonies had a few survivors. The two colonies Ben had communicated with
earlier in the day had fared about as well as Eleventh Colony had.
Please
don't kill anyone else, Sara begged.
Give me time to gather the other humans to this place.
I
will try to be patient, Governor-Mortal.
Please address me as Governor Carroll,
Tempest, and my husband as Bishop Carroll. And you must stop the earthquakes in
our colony. They're upsetting everyone and causing arguments.
Tempest
didn't understand. Wounded-Mortal-Who-Hides-Behind-Lies
makes you angry too, Governor Carroll.
This is true, but I'm trying not to be
angry.
My mother is very hurt, Tempest. She needs
to grieve.
Her lies torment me. You must stop them,
Bishop Carroll.
Tempest's
commission troubled Cameron. He had no idea how to get his mother to be honest
about her feelings. He was struggling against years of illusion and its underlying
pain. Barbara wasn't going to let go of it without a fight. Cameron was
concerned that forced public revelation might unhinge her mentally. I'm doing the best I can, Tempest. I want my
mother to stop her lies as much as you do.
Cameron's
response didn't satisfy Tempest. Sara added: He'll explain your request to her. I'm sure she'll do what she has to
do to stop the earthquakes. Barbara would probably force herself to stop
weeping when she was alone also. Sara couldn't bear the thought of Barbara in
pain and unable to display her grief in any way, but at least the colony would
be safe.
Cameron agreed that his mother would choose
to restrain all of her emotion rather than reveal herself publicly. The
realization pained him as much as it did Sara, but he knew as well as she did
that his mother would be more comfortable with that arrangement. Governor Carroll and I will contact my
father now, and then I will find my mother and insist she talk to me alone.
Will that be enough to stop the earthquakes?
For the present. Tempest withdrew her spirit,
leaving Sara and Cameron in privacy.
Sara turned to the side and rested her arm
on Cameron's chest, her hand shaking and her head spinning. What in the galaxy are we going to do?
Cameron
sat up, bringing Sara up with him. He dropped the arelada pendant beneath his
shirt. Whatever it takes to keep from
becoming hair debris.
Outrage, mingled with mortification,
squeezed Tohmazz Zarr's heart as his aircar lurched to avoid being hit by a
piece of his fleet. The aircar lurched again, violently, then vaporized a large
bulkhead falling in its direct path.
We should return to Teton Colony, Father, and wait for Jahnzel, Arulezz communicated, gripping his black
leather seat with one hand and the wine-red wall with the other. The airways will be safer in a day or two.
Mention of Jahnzel filled Zarr with fury.
On the brink of annihilation, Jahnzel's flagship and three other warships had
been forced to separate and retreat into the narrowest, deepest canyons of
Earth, leaving the planet naked to enemy attack. Three years we spent rebuilding our fleet into a force to be feared by
the largest of the rival nations! Three years we spent turning these Earth
savages into space warriors! And now it's gone. Destroyed because those
infidels Nexyun and Jaxzeran conspired against me!
They
will pay, Arulezz declared.
I
will see what damage they have done to my city, and then I will close my fists
around these Earthons and wield them like clubs.
And what of the Nationalists, sir?
Our empire is in ruins. Our goal for the
time being must be to keep our followers from running to the communities of the
Nationalists for refuge.
We
need to get spies into the Guardian communities to learn the secret of their
new light technology.
Then we need to recruit something other
than cowards!
His own people had run from the satanic light along with the savages!
Send
Myri Vahro, sir. She is brave and faithful. With the help of God, she will
bring the Mormon David Pierce to you, along with other Nationalists and the
secret of the mystery light.
Zarr
gazed out the window at the green-dotted brown flatlands below. Arulezz was
right. The survival of their race required Jahnzel and Myri to give each other
up for Earthon mates, yet as desperate as the situation was, he didn't think he
could take that sweet girl from his son and marry her to a savage, even a
virtuous savage like David Pierce.