Part 1: A CHANGE OF HEART

Prologue: A GOLD BOX FILLED WITH DISCS

Aulanora Nalaurev carried the commudisc that had just arrived into her bedroom, her hands trembling and her throat burning. The return address read, "B. Nalaurev, Box 287, Fleet Post at Shalaun."

A commudisc from Braysel came every two weeks, and every one was as difficult as the one before. She slid the disc out of its envelope and sat down on the edge of her bed in despair, staring at the disc in her hand for a minute, then clenching her fist to hide it from her view the next, then opening it again.

Aulanora stared at the disc for fifteen minutes, fighting the urge to slip the disc into the telepathic transmission recorder and assimilate its contents, her emotions in chaos. Why was her son in the Fleet? How could he kill other human beings? What had she done wrong? How could he live with himself? How could she live without him? Would it be so wrong to see his image for just a moment? To feel his thoughts and emotions?

She went to her dresser and picked up the little picture that always lay there, a child's drawing of a yellow-haired woman with a ball. The sky was a thick blue line at the top of the piece of paper, the sun was a bright orange ball, and behind the woman were blue waves. The misspelled words on the paper read: "Mama, I love you because you make me sweet rolls and nut cookies and play ball with me on the beach. Braysel."

The burning in Aulanora's throat rose into her mouth, and tears blurred her vision, leaving the picture a blue, orange, yellow, and white blob in her hand. She set the picture back down on the dresser and gingerly placed the commudisc in the velvet-lined gold jewelry box with all of the other un-assimilated discs.

Chapter 1: A JOB OFFER

Colonel Sharad Quautar communicated with Ton as usual at the Palm Pavilion, proceeding with unusual care. King is being extremely cautious in his effort to destroy you. His agents have made no attempt yet to harm you. I believe that he plans to have you shot at his trial.

The colonel's suggestion was logical in some ways, ludicrous in others. Ton could feel no fear because he didn't believe King planned to have him shot at a trial he might never attend, a trial that might never occur. I've thought about this a lot. It makes sense to me that King would want to display his power that way, but there are too many variables. What if King never goes to trial? Even if he does, how does he know I'll be there?

The plan does seem shallow in some ways, but right now, it makes more sense than anything. It gives us something to plan for.

Ton's spirit cringed with foreboding. What was coming? Even the colonel couldn't know for sure.

You'll wear a protective force field vest under your clothing, which will repel neurodarts and diffuse laser beams, Colonel Quautar explained.

Ton dropped his napkin onto his plate. And if the assassin aims for my head?

My greatest fear. There will be no way to secretly protect your head, and a direct hit to the head on high power would mean instant death. Your only hope in such a circumstance will be if I observe the assassin in time and am able to push you out of the way of the shot. The colonel placed a hand on his shoulder with a squeeze. This is a dangerous business. Are you sure you want to go through with it?

I don't have much choice.

The colonel raised his eyebrows. There may be more choices than you think.

I don't understand.

What do you want to do?

Why didn't the colonel just communicate what he was thinking? Why did he always have to play these stupid games? I just want to be done with this.

When you're done with this, where do you want to live?

Ton always hated this question. There were so many possibilities, yet nothing appealed to him. More than anything, he just didn't want to think about it. I don't know. Let me think about it some more, he communicated wearily, knowing he wouldn't think about it at all anytime in the near future.

Ton progressed through his days thinking as little of the future as he could and working to understand himself and deal with his past. He still communicated with Counselor Shauna Brunel, although his sessions were now only twice a week. Session after session, he relived the events and feelings of his past.

Counselor Brunel had green eyes and white hair that she usually wore in a French braid. She was pleasant and professional, a perceptive questioner, and Ton had always felt comfortable with her. He was so anxious to put his life in order that he was completely honest with her and with himself and did everything she told him to do.

For years, Ton had not been able to come to terms with the destruction of Adrian and Angela's marriage, Angela's false accusations that Adrian had beaten her, and Adrian's subsequent refusal to communicate with him for three years. Ton had never wanted to confront his feelings on what had happened and had successfully avoided thinking about the events of that afternoon most of his adult life. Counselor Brunel led him into the pain again and forced him to express his feelings about what had happened.

Why were you so disturbed that Angela and Adrian's marriage broke up?

Because I wanted it to work.

Why did you want so badly for it to work?

Because I wanted Adrian to be happy.

Did you ever think Adrian would be happy with Angela?

Ton thought about that question for many minutes. No, he finally answered.

Why not?

Because Angela had always liked men with money, and Adrian didn't have much money.

Maybe she loved Adrian enough to overlook the fact that he didn't have much money.

That was what I wanted to believe when they got married.

What did you believe?

That Angela was the way she had always been.

If you so doubted Adrian would be happy, then why did it disturb you so much to be proved right? Naturally you would have felt sorry for Adrian and been disappointed that things didn't work out the way he wanted them to, but you were too skeptical about the marriage in the first place to be overly disturbed or disillusioned.

Ton had to admit that the counselor's observation was logical.

Was there a reason other than Adrian's happiness that made you want so badly for the marriage to work?

Ton nodded bitterly. I wanted my mother to know Adrian and see that a poor man from the neighborhood could be a good husband and a worthwhile person.

Adrian found your sister with another man. The fault for the break-up appears to have lain with her. It seems to me that Adrian proved his worthiness.

My mother didn't think so.

Were you really so surprised that she wasn't convinced?

Ton shook his head.

Why not?

Because she didn't want to accept him, and not enough time had passed.

So you were upset because the marriage ended prematurely, before Adrian had a chance to prove himself to your mother.

Ton nodded.

Why, Ton, would that disturb you so much now, six years later?

Ton experienced a sinking feeling of degradation, and he wanted to turn and run out of the office rather than face the truth. He gripped the armrests of his chair so hard his hands hurt. It doesn't.

Then what does disturb you?

Ton stared at the floor. I don't think Angela was lying.

Why don't you think Angela was lying?

Because Angela wasn't a liar and because . . . because Adrian kept saying, "I'm so sorry, Ton, I'm so sor . . ." Ton released the armrests and dropped his head into his hands, unable to continue. There was no way he could express the disillusionment, the loss of respect for Adrian, and his own subsequent feelings of worthlessness and despair.

Counselor Brunel's spirit brushed his in compassion. Why did Adrian's weakness make you feel worthless?

Because I'm like Adrian. Because Adrian failed.

How did Adrian fail, Ton?

He failed to be different.

Different from whom?

The other boys in the neighborhood. Mamma was right.

Adrian may not be perfect, Ton, but he is different. What sort of education did he have to acquire to become a teacher?

Three years of advanced school.

How many of the other boys and girls who grew up in your neighborhood went to advanced school?

I don't know. Jacquae and me, and there was another girl, Sandra.

And you don't think graduating from advanced school made Adrian different?

I always thought it did. I was wrong. Ton forced himself to sit up look at the counselor again. If an educated person can't be decent and moral, who can be?

Anyone who wants to be badly enough. The rich, the poor, the educated, the illiterate, the powerful, the laborers. Whether a person is moral has little to do with what his external circumstances in life are or even what other internal qualities he may possess. For example, a person may be honest, but he may not be humble; he may be patient, but not kind; he may be intelligent, but not moral.

So what you're telling me is that determining a person's sense of morality by his level of education is kind of like determining a person's ability to practice neuromedicine by his knowledge of botany.

Exactly.

How do you learn morality? And what makes one person's morality right and another person's morality wrong? Who decides?

A sense of morality comes from parents, religious training, and from conscience. A person will know in his heart if what he is doing is right. He just has to have the courage and the humility to look for the answers and the self-discipline to live them once he finds them.

It still doesn't make sense to me, Ton admitted.

Counselor Brunel smiled. I think Adrian is different, and I also think that in many ways he's an idealistic, moral person. Not only that, but a person can change tremendously in six years. Do you think Adrian wanted to change?

Ton fingered the corner of his mustache. After many moments of reflecting, he nodded.

What did he communicate or do that makes you believe he wanted to change?

He was just so shaken up, and he was more hurt and ashamed than angry at Angela. And when I saw him again, he was different. Kind of relaxed and relieved, but solemn and mature--just different.

Do you think he was happy?

Yes, I think so. He was married to a woman named Sliata, and they had a child.

Ton left Counselor Brunel that day, still puzzling over the issue of morality. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't understand it. Where did morality come from? From religion? But where did religion come from? If it really was from God, then why were there so many different religions? And why were there religions like Zarrism whose purpose it seemed was to demean and manipulate and exploit? Were religions creations of God that were corrupted by man over time, or were they mere creations of man? Or were they both? Could there be an uncorrupted religion? By the same token, could a religion created by man ever teach morality?

Parents could teach morality, it was true, but where did the parents learn it? If parents never learned morality or taught it to their children, then what hope did the children have? What hope did civilization have? Over time civilization, losing more and more moral consciousness with every generation, would deteriorate into chaos and corruption.

If it was true that a person learned morality from his conscience, then what was the origin of conscience? Was it passed from one generation to the next genetically? If it was, how? Why hadn't the evil genes multiplied with each new generation until they had consumed humanity completely? If the source of conscience was genetic, how could he, an Earthon who had been born on the other side of the galaxy, share any values with the Novaunians at all?

Why did he feel so emphatically that human life should be preserved, that it was wrong to hurt people, to lie, to steal, to cheat, and to murder; that it was wrong for a man to strike his wife, to be unfaithful to her, or to abandon her and his children? Where had he learned these things? He certainly hadn't learned them from his parents. Had he learned them from Earth's culture? Why then did he know that Zarrism, one of the sources of Earth's culture, was exploitative and wrong? Where had he obtained a conscience that was so different from that of his mother and sisters? Or had he? Did he have the same conscience and just use it differently?

Ton decided that he would study the religious development and various philosophical creeds of different planets and cultures in an attempt to understand the concept of morality. He began spending forty-five minutes in study every night of the hour he normally spent assimilating InterMind news. He didn't tell anyone of his new pursuit. He understood something of the Novaunian philosophy and knew that Novaunians attributed the source of conscience to God. Perhaps they were right; perhaps they were not. He knew he would not be able to make a comprehensive study with too much persuasion from one point of view. He wanted to form his own conclusions and decided not to direct any more questions on the subject to Counselor Brunel.

Lren Tervel finished his apprenticeship with Dr. Hovaus and, after New Year's Day, started his new job on the General Network in northern Palensea. The conflict between Ausha and Lren had made everyone who worked with them tense, and no one was disappointed to see Lren leave.

Occasionally Ausha asked Ton where he wanted to work after they certified, a question Ton always evaded. Before lunch one day in Ton's office, Ausha pressed a commudisc into Ton's hand.

Ton glanced at the disc in curiosity. What's this?

Ausha's eyes shown with excitement. It's from my father. An application for position as neurophysician at his clinic. He doesn't want our partnership to be dissolved, and he believes you would work with him and Faurney as well as you work with me.

Ton stared at Ausha. A research position with an authority in neuromedicine like Dr. Vumen Ferudant seemed like a magnificent dream, almost too magnificent to be real. It was the position for which he had been working his whole career. How could he not be ecstatic about it? On the other hand, how could he even consider it?

Is there enough work for both of us?

They have more work than they can handle right now and are referring much of what comes their way to other specialists. Father plans to hire a fourth specialist, and he would like it to be you. Ausha squeezed Ton's arm. I know you weren't expecting this, but please consider it. I can't bear the thought of going back to Dinevlea without you.

Ton couldn't bear it either. He wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything. He gazed at her in tenderness and confusion, wanting to tell her everything but knowing he couldn't.

Ausha communicated hopefully, as if in answer to his thoughts, You have to come. We're partners.

Chapter 2: A QUESTIONABLE MEMORY

Paul sat across the kitchen table from his grandfather, his grandmother having just left for the day to go shopping in Jastray with Maranda Vundaun. His grandfather had communicated little that morning and seemed not only preoccupied, but disturbed. His manner was so unusual that Paul couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Paul, his grandfather finally communicated, pushing his plate aside. There's something I want to communicate with you about, and I'm not sure how to do it.

Several things raced through Paul's mind at once, and he found himself growing anxious. Was Grandfather ill? Had Colonel Quautar's people found Sanel? Had Deia been in an accident? Had she lost the baby? Paul suddenly felt angry at Sanel and what he had done to Deia. He missed her more than ever now that he wasn't allowed to communicate telepathically with her anymore.

Patan perceived Paul's agitation and patted his arm. No, no one's hurt. It's nothing like that. He withdrew his hand, his gaze tentative. I want you to be the Doshyr heir.

Paul couldn't have been more astounded if his mother and father had miraculously walked through the door. During the nine months he had lived on Novaun, virtually no one he had met in Menaura had let him forget that he had been born to be the Doshyr heir, no one but his grandfather. They had discussed the possibility once during Paul's first days on Novaun, and his grandfather had never mentioned the subject again. To have him now communicate his desire so bluntly bewildered Paul.

It's very difficult for me to ask you to do this because you haven't been on Novaun long and I know you're not completely comfortable with your life here yet. I've thought about this a great deal and discussed it with Uncle Cherl and Saum, and we all agree that you should be the heir. We all feel you would be an excellent high patriarch when the time comes. It's what they believe is right, and it's what I want--I want it very much. I know this is a shock, but please consider it; seriously consider it. I'll give you as much time as you need--months or even a year if you need it.

On one hand, Paul was flattered; on the other hand, his grandfather's request filled him with apprehension. What answer could he give? His grandfather had asked him only to consider it. How could he refuse? He nodded slightly. I'll consider it.

His grandfather's countenance suddenly filled with joy, and Paul knew that his grandfather was sincere in his desire and that he believed him capable. For a fraction of a second, Paul himself almost believed he was capable.

Deia Zaurvau awoke Third Day morning of the third week in First Month, her feelings mixed. On one hand, she was excited about the prospect of seeing Paul. She hadn't seen him since her visit to Menaura, and since her home was secured under mind shield, she had been forced to correspond with him by commudisc instead of through direct telepathic communication. On the other hand, she knew they wouldn't be able to mentally put aside the reason they were getting together in the first place--their mother had died a year ago that day.

Teren left for work, and Deia set the breakfast dishes in the synthesizing machine to be cleaned. Paul arrived only a few minutes later. She embraced him, tears coming to her eyes. "Thanks for coming. I don't think I could have made it through this day without you."

"I don't think I could have either," Paul whispered.

Deia withdrew and gently wiped her eyes. "I don't think she would want us to weep. Our lives are exactly the way she would want them to be. Sort of."

Paul allowed Deia to lead him into the living room. "Are they?"

Deia seated herself on the couch and motioned Paul into the lone red armchair. "Is your life really so bad?"

"No, it's not bad, just confusing." Paul leaned on one arm and stared at the floor. "Grandfather asked me to be the Doshyr heir."

Deia thought Paul should feel honored, but she didn't dare tell him that. "What did you tell him?"

"That I would consider it. What else could I do?" Paul sat up and recounted the conversation he had had with their grandfather. "I'm still in shock. It makes me feel good that Grandfather has that kind of confidence in me, but, at the same time, I don't know if I could ever cope with having that kind of responsibility. More than anything, I don't know if I'll ever feel like a Novaunian."

"It's only been nine and a half months, Paul."

"Nine and a half months seems to have been long enough for you."

Deia shook her head quickly. "No, not really."

"You don't feel like a Novaunian yet?"

"I do in some ways. In other ways, I may never." Deia thoughtfully stroked the red linen armrest. "But I don't think that matters."

"Maybe it doesn't matter in your life, but it does in mine. I don't know how I can be the Doshyr heir if I don't feel like a Novaunian. Deia, I don't even feel like a Doshyr!"

"Grandfather doesn't seem to care about that."

"That's true," Paul admitted. "He doesn't."

"What do you want to do?"

"Honestly? I don't know." He looked at Deia's stomach with interest. "You're starting to look pregnant. Have you felt the baby move yet?"

"No, but I have seen her move on the Awareness monitor."

"Her?"

"Yes! Our baby is a girl. We're naming her Michelle Rose."

Paul remained in Shalaun five more days, spending Seventh Day evening with Ton and Ausha and their friends at a Coalition social, having a wild and enjoyable time with young people who didn't know him and didn't care whether he would ever be the Doshyr heir. Once Paul left, Deia was dumped back into her lonely routine.

If Deia handled her confinement well, it was only because she was so lacking of energy that she didn't want to go anywhere anyway. Colonel Quautar allowed her very few excursions away from her home other than Devotional, and those she was allowed were always under guard. Even her physician saw her in her home. She was depressed and irritable at times, which was difficult for Teren, but in concern for her emotional well-being, he didn't go anywhere she couldn't go except school, work, and an occasional shopping trip.

Deia spent her days doing a little housework, playing a little piano, and spending a lot of time sleeping and studying for her elementary school certification exam. Twice a week a tutor came and gave her formal training in telepathy. She was progressing, but she still felt telepathically weak. Teren and Deia's friends and family members spent many evenings at their home, and on the evenings they were alone, they studied the Novaunian cultural arts together, an exciting topic for Deia and a relatively unfamiliar one for Teren.

Sometimes Deia reached into her memory in an attempt to discover who had bound her mind to his and was never successful. One day when she was feeling more energetic than normal, she decided to conduct her search in earnest. She sat at the piano and played minuets in an attempt to put herself into her childhood and clear her mind of other thoughts. Event after event from her childhood with Lena, Paul, and Sanel flowed through her consciousness, but she saw and felt nothing that even remotely resembled a violation of her mind.

Where was it? How had it happened? Who had done it? As illogical and impossible as it seemed, Deia believed Sanel was the person who had captured a cell in her brain and that he had simply taught one of his agents how to manipulate the bond. Deia went over and over every event in her childhood in Tryamazz that had involved anyone other than Sanel, Lena, or Paul and found nothing.

She played for hours, her back aching and her hairline wet with perspiration as she reached further and further into her memory. It had to be there somewhere, perhaps before Sanel had taken her to Earth. She remembered her mother's sadness, her father's broad shoulders, and playing with Mara. She remembered lying with Paul on a different floor, in a different house, with Mara shaking toys in her face, and she remembered Evelayna's wispy blond hair and her Aunt Tashaura's smiles.

She felt large hands lift her from the floor, hands like her father's. She looked curiously into peculiar eyes that didn't belong to her father, feeling confused. She kicked her legs and whimpered. She wanted her father, not this strange person.

"Shhh . . . shhh . . ." the stranger whispered with a smile. It's all right. I'm your Uncle Jovem. He held her close and rocked her, soothing her with his whispers. She smiled and cooed. She felt warmth around her head, and then it was gone. A moment later, the strange man who was so like her father put her back on the floor next to Paul, and she watched his feet move across the carpet as he walked out of the room.

Deia awoke to her present surroundings as if awaking from a dream, her elbows on the piano and her face in her hands. Everything around her seemed so silent. Even her heart felt silent, silent with emptiness. Uncle Jovem had done it gently in his own home, there in the presence of his wife, daughter, and children of the brother who had loved him, and no one had ever known.

Deia reached out to Teren for comfort but was prevented from doing so by the mind shield that was protecting her and holding her captive. She slowly arose and trudged to the couch. She lay very still, staring at the white velvet upholstery, feeling polluted, her heart convulsing in loneliness.

Teren returned home hours later and found her still lying on the couch. He knelt down beside her and caressed her, and she clasped him and pulled him close.

Two evenings later, after Deia had numbed herself somewhat to what she had remembered, Colonel Quautar came to her home to discuss the situation with her and Teren as they were finishing dinner. Deia told the colonel about her efforts to remember when a cell in her brain had been captured, then detailed her memory of her Uncle Jovem.

Colonel Quautar folded his arms on the polished wood table. I have no doubt of the accuracy of your memory, Deia, but what you remember about that moment in your uncle's home may not be when you lost control of that cell in your brain. There's no way your uncle could have manipulated that bond without being here. It has to be someone else.

Deia stood up and began stacking dishes. Theoretically, yes, but there's no way you can really know. My uncle worked with Earth's Ex-men and Eslavu for seventeen years and was certainly able to develop new methods of mind control. He's already developed a way to do the impossible--lie about his essence. What is so preposterous about his being able to figure out a way for another person to manipulate that bond?

Teren arose and picked up his plate. You have to admit, she has a point.

The colonel gazed at Deia thoughtfully. You do have a point, but I'm still skeptical.

Deia took Teren's plate and headed into the kitchen. I know that Sanel supposedly has to touch his spirit to mine to manipulate the bond, but could he do it through another person with whom he has a telepathic bond? She set the dishes on the marble countertop and dampened a clean dishtowel. Could he manipulate Aunt Tashaura's bond and cause her to manipulate my bond? Could he manipulate my bond and by so doing use the dijauntu bond that exists between Teren and me to try and manipulate Teren?

Deia returned to the tiny dining area just in time to see both Teren and the colonel nod. Teren took the damp dishtowel from her hand. One mind can always be used as a channel for another, and one bond can always be a channel for another bond. Even so, to manipulate a bond, spirits have to touch.

King could use Tashaura's mind to manipulate yours, but to do so he has to touch his mind to hers, which still means he needs to be on Novaun, the colonel explained.

Deia sat back down at the table as Teren quickly wiped it. But perhaps he is here.

The colonel shook his head. He isn't here. I know where he is.

You do? Deia communicated in surprise. Then why hasn't he been apprehended?

Teren took the towel into the kitchen and slapped his hands together over the recycling tank. Because he's on the Sovereign with an entire fleet to protect him.

Deia had no doubt that Teren was right and was satisfied that Sanel was not on Novaun. I know that Sanel never did a dijauntu bond with Aunt Tashaura. Could he have a dijauntu bond with someone? That person would know everything about him, would in a sense be him. Wouldn't that person be able to manipulate the bond?

Teren returned to his chair. No, because the dijauntu partner would only be him in memory, not in spirit. To manipulate a bond, spirits have to touch.

But they do touch, always, in that thread that binds them, Deia communicated.

The colonel shook his head. It isn't enough.

Theoretically, Deia communicated pointedly.

Theoretically, anything is possible, the colonel admitted.

Teren took Deia's hand across the little table. Have you been able to trace the bond, minon?

Yes, but it hasn't done any good. The thread leads us only to space.

Well, then that proves it, Deia communicated. My bond goes into space and Sanel is in space. What more do you want?

That doesn't prove anything, Deia, the colonel communicated.

Perhaps not, but you have to admit, it does make sense.

The colonel's face was solemn with concern. What is it that's worrying you?

Deia sighed. I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just afraid that you're going to find this mysterious agent and that it won't matter, that I'll be Sanel's slave forever.

You aren't your uncle's slave, the colonel assured.

Aren't I? He's a tiny step away from controlling my mind, and he most certainly controls my life.

Chapter 3: BOND OF HERITAGE

Braysel took the commudisc he had just received from Miaundea out of the telepathic transmission recorder and threw it down on his bunk. Why did she have to work in Mautysia? Why did she always have to tell him how wonderful the people there were? Why did she always have to tell him things about his history that even he didn't know? He was sick of it. He couldn't wait to marry her and get her away from Novaun. Then she could study Gudyneans or Latanzans or Manoureans or whomever and would stop nagging him with her grand ideas about getting the Isolationists and Fleet supporters to understand each other.

Braysel didn't receive another commudisc from Miaundea for another five days. He slipped the disc into the telepathic transmission recorder, and her image materialized in front of him. She had recorded the disc sitting in a chair, and Braysel seated himself in a chair facing her, touching her hands as he always did and imagining she could actually feel his hands on hers. The minute he looked at her face, he knew something was wrong.

Her face was pale, her yellow-green eyes glistening. Hello, Bray. I just received your last commudisc and . . . She stared at her lap for a moment, then looked back up at him, heartbroken.

Braysel couldn't bear to see her so hurt. What had happened? He waited for her to continue, holding his breath in dread.

I feel that something's wrong between us, and I don't know what it is. She paused again, the same painful kind of pause as before. You've just been so . . . cold and distant. At first I thought you were having problems with work. Please communicate with me soon and tell me what's bothering you. I don't want it to be like this.

Miaundea's image faded, leaving Braysel shocked and humbled. His first instinct was to communicate with her immediately and tell her that nothing was wrong, but he quickly stopped himself. Cold and distant? Had he really treated her that way? But how could he have? His feelings for her certainly weren't cold and distant. On the other hand, Miaundea was sincerely hurt. Either she was being abnormally sensitive or something really was wrong.

Braysel didn't like what she was doing in Mautysia, it was true, but he wasn't irritated with Miaundea personally, or at least he didn't think he was. Could his dislike of her work be affecting his relationship with her? The possibility made him feel more ashamed than ever. Perhaps the only way to make things right with Miaundea was to somehow force himself to feel comfortable with her work in Mautysia.

Braysel slept little that night. The one thing he had to admit was that Miaundea's plan to give their children their pacifist heritage was a good one. One way or another they would get it, and Braysel certainly didn't want them to get it from members of his family. Why, however, did she have to work to change all of Novaun? All of the Union? Even as Braysel asked himself those questions, he couldn't help but ask himself the same question in reverse--why shouldn't she?

Was Miaundea's plan to help the Fleet supporters and Isolationists understand each other a good one or not? Was it the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do? Braysel couldn't make himself believe that what Miaundea was doing was wrong. Perhaps her plan was not completely realistic, but something about it felt right. Understanding between the two factions would make Novaun more unified and that was a very good thing--that was the right thing. So why did he feel so threatened by this good, right thing?

Braysel eventually drifted to sleep, his mind still churning with questions and self-reproach. When he awoke in the morning, he understood his inability to support Miaundea's work. Deep down he believed that if he accepted pacifism in any way he would undermine the Fleet.

It was what his parents felt, only in reverse. They could not accept the Fleet in any way because that acceptance would undermine the Isolationist Movement. Intellectually, Braysel had known the ideologies weren't so different and that a person could, theoretically at least, believe in both--Miaundea had helped him understand that--but in his heart, he still hadn't accepted it.

What would he communicate to Miaundea? He understood what his problem was, but he didn't know how to fix it. After work, dinner, and a hard workout at the gym, he finally knew what he had to do. Once he was alone in his compartment, he transmitted his thoughts to a relay, who in turn transmitted his thoughts to Novaun and Miaundea.

Angel . . . I'm so sorry I hurt you.

Bray? Are you all right? Are you angry with me?

No. I'm not angry with you. I'm just a selfish idiot. He poured his feelings out to her. Miaundea, I need to feel good about my heritage. I want you to teach me pacifism.

How can I teach you anything about pacifism?

I need you to teach me everything about pacifism.

But you know far more than I do.

What I know is warped and you have such a fresh perspective on it. Please, Miaundea.

Well, when you put it that way . . . yes. Yes, of course I'll do it.

In the months that passed, Miaundea saw Braysel's sister Mauya once in a while, but when they met, they never discussed Braysel. For this reason, Miaundea was surprised when Mauya asked her to lunch with one surprising purpose in mind--We need to communicate about Bray.

Miaundea met Mauya at a quaint little restaurant in the theater district. Mauya, as glamorous as ever, was wearing a soft, cream-colored body suit trimmed with rubies and onyx, her lips bright with red gloss, her wavy gold hair pulled away from her face with a band of red, black, and purple silk. Once they had ordered, Mauya came directly to the point: You have to persuade Bray to quit the Fleet.

I can't do that.

Mauya shook her head adamantly. No Miaundea, you don't understand. Bray has no choice. He will never be accepted back into the family if he doesn't quit the Fleet.

I can't do it. I have no right to ask him to do something he wouldn't feel good about.

You have no right? Of course you have the right! This is serious, Miaundea. This is your future we're discussing, your future, not just Bray's. The future of your children. Grandfather hasn't changed his position one iota. He will not perform a marriage for Bray or allow him contact with the family if he doesn't repent.

Foreboding filled Miaundea's heart. Braysel's grandfather was requiring repentance, nothing less. Miaundea didn't think that quitting the Fleet would be enough. She had no doubt that Braysel would be required to admit that joining the Fleet had been wrong and sever all ties to his Fleet past. His parents didn't like the fact that her father was a Fleet officer. Would total repentance require that he sever all ties to her? Or would it require that she embrace the pacifist ideology? Miaundea thought that either possibility was likely.

When I agreed to marry Bray, I knew what I was getting into. I'll marry him with or without his family. Miaundea felt as if marrying him without his family would be easier.

Mauya stared at her in disbelief. I'm sorry, Miaundea; I don't mean to offend you, but you are extremely naïve, and I don't mean about the whole financial side of things, but about the marriage relationship itself. Bray is my brother, and I love him dearly, but do you really think that a man who would put the Fleet above his family won't eventually do the same thing to you and to your children? How can you marry into a situation like that?

Mauya's assertions pierced deeply, not because they were new, but because they were so astute. Many people Miaundea knew had at different times suggested the same thing, and Miaundea couldn't deny that she had thought about it herself. More than anything, this entire attitude made her angry because these people hadn't the slightest comprehension of what Braysel was going through. They didn't know how much he loved his family and how much pain the separation caused him. Miaundea was confident in Braysel's commitment to her. Why did people keep attacking her for something they didn't understand?

Mauya perceived something of Miaundea's anger and loyalty to Braysel in the exchange. I'm sorry, Miaundea. She sighed in frustration. I'm just worried about you two. And what's going on between Bray and the family is just so wrong, so utterly wrong.

Braysel's entire situation baffled Miaundea. She had believed for some time that, in the eternal scheme of things, Braysel was somehow a catalyst to bring the Isolationists and Fleet supporters together, but how? The course Braysel was following seemed to be doing the opposite.

Miaundea and Mauya's food arrived, but neither one of them could bring themselves to eat yet. Finally Miaundea communicated, I agree that it's wrong. But I don't have any solutions. My father told me that I should let Bray work out his family business on his own. I'm thinking more and more that it's some of the best advice he's ever given me.

Mauya relaxed and gazed at Miaundea affectionately. You're the best thing that's ever happened to Bray. I just wish Mother and Father agreed with me.

What exactly do they think of me?

I'm not sure they know themselves. I know they don't entirely approve of you.

How can they? Miaundea communicated humorously. My father is a Fleet officer.

But that seems such a little thing. You would think they would be relieved that you're a Novaunian.

Miaundea wasn't comfortable with Mauya's comment. She frowned, taking a bite of her sandwich. Relieved that I'm a Novaunian?

Well, yes. It would have been so easy for him to marry a girl of a different race.

Yes, I guess it would have been, Miaundea communicated, feeling disturbed and not sure why.

Braysel expanded his spirit to encompass every fiber of his armed shuttle. His spirit flowed through the metal, the circuits, the electromatrixes, the lasers, and the engine like blood, making the ship's body one with his. As navigator Mykal Vandur, telepathy scientist Trevaun Surkel, and engineer Wilyl Faumtren expanded their spirits and overlapped each other's and Braysel's, Braysel could feel that their nervousness and anticipation was as intense as his own. After months of thought control exercises, flight simulation, maneuvering exercises in the armed shuttle, and practice in the VisionRun lanes moving themselves with the spirit dimension formula, they were finally getting to use the formula in flight.

The four executed their separate parts of the spirit dimension formula as they had done so many times before, carrying it through with a speed and precision that came only through countless hours of practice. A surge of living energy engulfed the craft and pressed down, everything in their field of vision seeming to sink away and, at the same time, advance toward them, every hint of sound sucked into nothingness.

Braysel's mind was blank except for the coordinates of the shuttle's destination, but his spirit reveled in the rapture and excitement it felt in the combined spirit energy of his companions. Everything around them changed to an opalescent blur, and in an instant, the craft traveled from the airlock to its projected coordinates two thousand meters from the Glautel Monsa. The four gazed in wonder through the canopy at the curve of the Glautel Monsa's white wing and the hundreds of airlocks that led to launching and landing tubes, when suddenly, they felt their bodies again. Mykal whooped in excitement, and the other three followed with vigorous cheers.

The weeks that followed brought stringent flight control exercises. Braysel and his crew spent hours in the armed shuttle, their minds blank except for the spirit dimension formula and the repeated coordinates given them by the Command Center. The Command Center formulated fight paths that took them as far as thirty light-years away from the Glautel Monsa, directing them to move about the test area with increasing precision and speed. Then came days flying with one other ship of their squadron, then the weeks of flight coordination with the entire squadron.

Braysel and the other pilots, navigators, engineers, and telepathy scientists that composed the flight crews of the two new squadrons spent many hours brainstorming new design ideas for a compact two-man crew fighter that would be energized by the spirit dimension formula. Braysel, as young as he was compared to most of the other men involved in the flight testing, was the only one who possessed equal knowledge in the fields of piloting, navigation, engineering, and telepathy science. He was anxious to have a new craft designed and contributed many creative ideas which Colonel Sedel, the engineer directing the project, found useful.

As much as Braysel enjoyed his work, he was anxious and depressed much of the time. He continued to send a commudisc to Maurek every two weeks, and Maurek still refused to reply. Braysel had known it would take awhile for Maurek to feel comfortable with his betrothal to Miaundea, but half a year was a long time. Braysel had almost given up hope that he and Maurek would ever be friends again.

Braysel lived for commudiscs from Miaundea. Every commudisc she sent contained hours of information on the history and culture revolving around Novaunian pacifism, along with her observations. She was excited about all she was learning, and her excitement was beginning to move Braysel to appreciation. He had never felt such understanding and support from anyone, yet he couldn't help but think that Miaundea was the cause of his current dilemma. Had he not met Miaundea, he wouldn't have had to betray Maurek. Had he not become betrothed to Miaundea, he wouldn't have ever had to worry about how he was going to provide her with a family and an honorable marriage.

Braysel corresponded regularly with Mauya and sent commudiscs to his parents often, telling them what he could of his life without mentioning his work, but he never received any type of reply. He bitterly realized that they probably disposed of the discs as soon as they received them, without assimilating so much as a thought.

He anguished for Miaundea, but the prospect of an extended leave filled him with anxiety. He believed it was still a year away, but what could he possibly accomplish in a year that he hadn't moved a millimeter toward accomplishing in half a year? His situation seemed more and more hopeless, and he couldn't help but feel frustrated and trapped.

After work one day, Braysel received a small package from Miaundea. He took it back to his cabin and eagerly opened it. Inside the small box was a commudisc and an exotic ring carved out of green jade with the word "beloved" engraved on the inside of the band. Breathless with anticipation, Braysel quickly inserted the commudisc in his telepathic transmission recorder. Miaundea's image materialized in front of him, vivid and beautiful.

Emotions of love and emptiness immediately overwhelmed Braysel. Her eyes were intense with yearning. I miss you, Bray.

I miss you too, angel, he whispered.

Braysel lost himself for thirty minutes in Miaundea's communication, then sat in front of his own telepathic transmission recorder and formulated his reply. He spent much of the evening praying, begging God to inspire his parents to accept him back into the family. He fell asleep feeling serene, as if everything would eventually work out. After all, hadn't Miaundea agreed to marry him? Hadn't her father approved the marriage? Weren't those two things, in themselves, miracles?

Braysel dreamed strange, graphic dreams of soaring through space in a new fighter, at the same time mentally seeing every process that made the fighter function, only there were no electromatrixes or engines, but instead, an artificial brain.

Braysel awoke and sat up in bed abruptly, overwhelmed with excitement. That was it! The artificial brain!

He and his colleagues had been perplexed by how they could construct a craft to function with the spirit dimension formula without the necessary four people. They had decided that such a craft would need a device that would store spirit energy and would use the stored spirit energy to produce new spirit energy to work in conjunction with the spirit transformation formula emitted by the pilot and his navigator, thus eliminating the need for the two crew members presently needed to execute the spirit energy formula.

Scientists had, in the past decade, made advances in harnessing spirit energy for medical and commercial use. Much work had been done to develop ways to incorporate the spirit energy in space flight, but Novaunian engineers had encountered the same problem those on the Glautel Monsa now faced--how to construct a device that would store and produce spirit energy.

Braysel's grandfather had already designed an artificial brain that was powered by spirit energy. His grandfather had not discovered a way to produce spirit energy, but he had found a way to store it and to make it work with the Awareness monitor.

The power generators and matrixes in Braysel's dream were almost identical to the artificial brain his grandfather had engineered. The spirit energy generators of his dreams not only stored spirit energy and allowed it to interface with the Awarenesses of the men in the flight crew as the artificial brain interfaced with an Awareness image produced by an Awareness monitor, they produced new spirit energy!

The formulas were all there in his mind, and he had no doubt they would work. It all was so simple. Why hadn't anyone thought of it before? His mental image of the spirit energy generator was as vivid as if he had already built it. He immediately transmitted a thought to activate his telepathic transmission recorder and poured his new knowledge into the machine. Then he telepathically turned on the lights, sprang out of bed, and awoke Wilyl.

I know how to do it, Wilyl! I know! It came to me in a dream! I know how to build a spirit energy generator!

Wilyl awoke with a start and sat up, his light brown hair disheveled, his gray eyes wide with vigor. You aren't serious.

Of course I'm serious! It's based on the same principles as the artificial brain!

Miaundea stepped noiselessly up the walk to the Avenaunta home thirty minutes before dawn. Maurek had not come home on leave once since her betrothal to Braysel, and Miaundea knew that he still hadn't replied to any of Braysel's commudiscs. She had been heartbroken for Maurek in the beginning, but five months had passed and she was on the verge of exasperation.

She thought that if she could communicate with Maurek and explain to him what had happened, she might be able to soften him a little. She had enlisted the help of Maurek's mother, and finally, after four weeks, his mother had been able to persuade him to come home.

Mineste Avenaunta met Miaundea at the door and gazed down at her with sad blue eyes. Miaundea was instantly alarmed. What's the matter?

He's changed. He's cynical, and there's a harshness about him I've never seen before. He may refuse to communicate with you.

I have to try. Miaundea turned and walked down the quiet hall to Maurek's bedroom, her emotions a tangle of anticipation, anxiousness, and dread. Miaundea knew Maurek's mother didn't understand why she wanted to communicate with Maurek in this way, but it didn't seem to bother her and she didn't ask any questions. Miaundea carefully pushed open Maurek's door and slipped into his room.

Maurek lay in bed under a blue quilt, the starlight pouring through his window and illuminating his face. In his sleep he didn't appear cynical or harsh, just exhausted and desolate. Miaundea hesitated there for a moment, unable to breathe. What would he do? What would he communicate? Suddenly she wasn't sure this was a good idea. Was this the way Maurek had felt when he had invaded her bedroom?

Not seeing a chair, she knelt down next to his bed. Hearing movement near him, Maurek opened his eyes and turned toward the noise. Miaundea froze. She hadn't expected Maurek to be such a light sleeper, to discover her presence so soon.

Maurek sat up abruptly and scowled down at her. What are you doing here?

I . . . I wanted to communicate with you.

I have nothing to communicate with you. He lay back down, nestled himself into a comfortable position, and closed his eyes.

Miaundea hadn't known what to expect, but she hadn't believed he would ignore her. She reached out with her thoughts: Please don't be this way, Maurek. But he had closed his mind to her communications.

She stood up. "You make me sick, Maurek. Bray didn't pursue me; I pursued him. We didn't mean to fall in love; it just happened. It nearly killed Bray when he realized how much you would be hurt. Now here you are, so proud, and so bitter that you can't think of anyone but yourself. You don't care one iota that Bray is despondent, thinking you hate him, that he misses you desperately, and that he needs your support. Some friend you are." Maurek didn't so much as flutter an eyelash in reply.

Miaundea remained there a minute longer, gradually gaining control of her anger. "I was so thrilled, Maurek, when we started trying to understand each other. I wanted us to be friends, and I believed at the time that I had made my feelings about you perfectly clear. I never imagined you would place such conditions on our friendship."

Miaundea lingered there another moment, waiting for Maurek to open his eyes and communicate with her, but he didn't. Finally she turned and left, communicating nothing to Maurek's mother on the way out.

Miaundea took an airbus back to Mautysia that morning, worked her shift at the restaurant as a hostess, then took an airbus back to Shalaun that evening. She went to Devotional with her family the next morning, and as she had anticipated, Maurek was there. She tried many times to get him to look at her, but he avoided even that.

Miaundea's family sat in the holy room several rows in front of Maurek and his family. Miaundea couldn't concentrate on the service. It was as if she could feel Maurek's stare bore through her head. Was he angry? Or was he still deliriously attracted to her? She wasn't sure which possibility disturbed her more.

Finally, when the service was over, Miaundea turned and smiled at Maurek weakly. His face was pale, but his features had relaxed and his icy blue eyes had become soft with love. After a moment, Maurek self-consciously averted his gaze, and Miaundea knew that he wasn't ready to communicate with her yet. Still, she felt progress had been made, and she left the house of worship feeling relieved.

The days passed, and Miaundea didn't worry about Maurek anymore. He would accept the situation eventually, and Miaundea had no doubt that he still considered Braysel his friend. Miaundea told Braysel about her meeting with Maurek and tried to assure him that everything would be all right, but Braysel remained skeptical.

When Miaundea had first moved to Mautysia, her work had been physically demanding, but exciting. She spent her early afternoons working as a hostess in a restaurant downtown and her evenings working in the backstage crew at one of the city's minor theaters. She met many types of people from different pacifist countries and planets in the Union and was learning a great deal. Nearly everyone she met was unsure of her motives for being in Mautysia and treated her as an oddity, but they were helpful and kind. She was frank about her involvement with Braysel, and although people sometimes made critical comments, most respected her honesty and sincerity enough to remain silent.

Miaundea's attitude began changing, however, after her discussion with Mauya about Braysel's situation. As hard as she tried, Miaundea couldn't forget Mauya's relief that Miaundea was of Novaunian race. That a pacifist would be less offended by marriage to a strong Fleet supporter than by marriage to a person of another race suggested that even if they didn't think interracial marriage was a sin, it repelled them.

What if Braysel had married a woman of another race? Would that have been such a terrible thing? Despite the potential discrepancy between lifespans, Miaundea couldn't make herself feel that such a marriage would have been wrong, not if the woman shared Braysel's values and religion. Mauya, however, obviously believed it would be wrong, and that nagged at Miaundea until she could think about little else.

Why did Mauya think marrying outside of the race was wrong, and how far did her reluctance go? Did she feel it was only wrong if one married a person who was not a Novaunian citizen? Or did she feel it was wrong for a Novaunian citizen of complete Novaunian race such as Braysel or Teren to marry a Novaunian citizen of mixed race such as Ausha Ferudant?

When Miaundea saw Mauya again, she almost asked her but didn't dare, feeling as if she might lose control and communicate something that would offend her. The possibility that Mauya or any other person of pacifist heritage would consider it wrong for Braysel to marry someone like Ausha made Miaundea feel queasy with disgust and humiliation.

The weeks flew by, and Miaundea noticed every remark that possessed even a hint of racism. I never thought Bray Nalaurev would actually convince a Novaunian woman to marry him . . . You know the Earthon doctor? Do you know anyone who's actually gone to him for treatment? How could he be qualified to practice Novaunian medicine after only a year? . . . You spent two years studying a primitive planet's culture? Why?

Miaundea slowly began realizing that Mauya wasn't the only person of pacifist heritage who was concerned about keeping the race pure. Once Miaundea began looking for evidences of it, she found it everywhere, even among pacifists who were not native Verzaunians. Perhaps Ausha and the other Coalition officers had been right. Perhaps the pacifists really were racists. Then again, did aversion to interracial marriage mean they were racists? Or did it mean they understood the enormous difficulties inherent in a marriage between two such different people and were simply cautious?

Miaundea was too troubled to let the matter rest. She invited all of her roommates out to breakfast one Eighth Day morning and, after they had all ordered, asked, I'm just curious. Let's pretend you meet a man at the Shamunja one evening and he asks you to dance. You like each other and dance several dances, and in that time, you find out that he's from the planet Bristaun. He asks you for an engagement. Would you go?

Nanci's turquoise eyes sparkled impishly. What does he look like?

He's gorgeous! Not only that, but he's charming and very kind. What would you do?

Nanci shook her head. I don't know. That's a hard one.

The waiter set a glass of milk in front of Miaundea. Why would that be a difficult decision? You like him, and it's only an engagement.

I'll have to agree with Nanci, Jere communicated, receiving a glass of juice from the waiter. On one hand, it's only an engagement, but on the other hand, what if you really started liking him? What if the relationship started getting serious? Jere was nearly twenty-five, a history teacher and pacifist activist from Narquasa.

So what if it does? Miaundea asked. He's a good man, he's a Novaunian, and he shares your values.

But he isn't a Novaunian, Nanci communicated. Not really. He might be just as much Gudynean as Novaunian.

They really did have a problem with interracial marriage. Why would it matter that he's part Gudynean?

Tausha shook her head quickly. I don't think it would matter so much to me. If I liked him, I would certainly go on an engagement with him. Perhaps I would marry him. I don't know.

Nanci set her glass down quickly, astounded. What would your parents think? Nanci, the only native Mautysian, was the youngest of the group, an art student who still depended heavily on her family for financial support. Miaundea wasn't surprised that her first concern was how her parents would react.

Oh, I don't know. I don't think they would be thrilled about it, but I don't think they would oppose it. It wouldn't be like he was from Gudynea itself or anything--it's only Bristaun, after all, not a planet on the other side of the galaxy.

Tausha was from Systrina. Perhaps pacifists from other planets in the Union were in general less xenophobic than their home world counterparts. The possibility was worth exploring. What's wrong with marrying a person with Gudynean blood? Many Gudyneans share our religious beliefs.

Nanci shook her head quickly. It just wouldn't be right.

Why?

Because Novaun is for Novaunians and Gudynea is for Gudyneans--we have a certain obligation to Novaun and our posterity to keep the race pure.

Jere frowned at Miaundea. You don't think so?

To tell you the truth, I'd never thought about it before.

So you would go on an engagement with the man from Bristaun? Tausha asked.

Miaundea shrugged. Before I met Bray, sure.

Jere's golden eyebrows shot up. Would you actually marry him?

Yes, I think so.

Nanci grimaced. Even though you would outlive him by half a century?

I'm betrothed to a Fleet man. He may die in battle while still in his prime. Does that mean I shouldn't marry him?

Tausha's mouth quivered, as if she were struggling not to laugh. Well, none of us would marry a Fleet man!

Nanci did laugh. And we certainly wouldn't marry Braysel Nalaurev!

Miaundea knew they were teasing her and laughed with them. When the laughter died, she asked, So what do you think about the existence of Bristaun, Jeltar, and Dinevlea? Do you consider them Novaunian planets?

How can you not? Nanci communicated, stretching her neck and peering in the direction of the kitchen. They're part of the Union.

Miaundea glanced toward the kitchen and saw that their food was coming. That's not what I mean.

Jere unfolded her embroidered white napkin and set it in her lap. Well, I think it's a crime that Novaun ever cooperated with Gudynea on a colonizing venture to begin with. Both groups lost major portions of their heritages when they began to intermarry. What happened to those six planets was that they ended up creating worlds that are neither Novaunian nor Gudynean.

Miaundea unfolded her own napkin. I'm not sure that's true. I know several people from Bristaun and Dinevlea, and they all think of themselves as Novaunians. Not only that, but they act like Novaunians.

And you really think that's right? Tausha communicated. Here you have people of Gudynean ancestry who have no ties to their Gudynean heritage. That's just as wrong as a person born half Novaunian who has been smothered by the Gudynean part of his heritage such that he knows nothing of his Novaunian heritage.

Nanci and Tausha nodded in agreement as the waiter began serving them.

Dinevlea, Bristaun, and Jeltar have had nearly a thousand years to develop their own unique race, history, and culture, Jere communicated. Personally, I've always felt that they ought to join with Roysa, Lylenta, and Dretundel to form their own union.

A union of six planets? So close to the Dirons? Then Miaundea remembered that the Isolationists didn't think of such things.

Jere ground pepper over her eggs. Why not? They would be politically independent, which would probably suit their purposes better, and they could maintain an alliance with our Union or the Gudynean Federation or both, whatever they wanted.

Miaundea left her roommates later that morning, disturbed. No wonder Ausha and so many of the other Coalition members were such zealots. She understood, but oddly enough, she believed that some of those people, Ausha included, were too sensitive about the issue and too bitter and blind with their own prejudices.

Miaundea communicated telepathically with Braysel the next evening and told him everything. Braysel communicated, uncomprehending, I don't understand why you're so troubled. What did they communicate that was so wrong? It is important to preserve our race and heritage. How can you find fault with that?

Realization crushed Miaundea's heart. Braysel believed as they did! He really was one of them! Miaundea was so outraged that she ended the communication abruptly. Braysel tried to resume the communication, but she ignored him. How could he feel that way? How?

Chapter 4: THE ULTIMATE SON OF ABOMINATION

Once Counselor Brunel encouraged Ton to confront the truth about Adrian, she encouraged him to confront the truth about his father. Ton had never been able to accept the fact that his father had abandoned him, his sister, and their mother when he was a small child. He had never wanted to believe that both of his parents could hate him so much, and he had never wanted to believe his mother's hate for his father was justified.

Why do you want so badly to believe that your father had given your mother no cause to be bitter?

Because I don't want her to have had a reason to hate me.

What does your mother and father's relationship have to do with you?

My mother always told me that I was just like my father.

Ton, you're not your father!

The counselor encouraged Ton to reach back into his memory for remembrances of his father, but all that was there was a shadowy figure, a forbidding presence and nothing else; no face and no feel, nothing but violence. As Ton probed deeper into his memory, he realized, crestfallen, that his father had never once shown a tender feeling toward him, and he realized with grief that his father had battered his mother.

After stripping away layers of painful memories and exposing doubts, weaknesses, fears, and truths, Counselor Brunel determined that the root of Ton's problems was that he subconsciously believed everything his mother had always told him and his sisters, that his father and all of the poor boys in his neighborhood were cruel, immoral, only good for sex, and worthless, that since he was a poor boy from the neighborhood and like his father, he was worthless too.

I believe, Ton, that much of your insatiable drive to succeed in your work as a physician comes from your desire to prove your mother wrong, that it is a way of fighting back, your own effort to prove to yourself and everyone else that you're a worthwhile person. I also believe that you subconsciously choose women you disdain, women much like your mother, to be your lovers, partly to punish yourself for being worthless, partly to exercise control over these women you find so threatening, and partly because women like your mother are women who are familiar, women you understand.

Ton felt somewhat relieved with these new understandings about himself, but more than anything, he felt uncomfortable. Did he really have such a poor opinion of himself? It seemed a ridiculous problem and yet one virtually impossible to fix.

Counselor Brunel perceived Ton's discomfort in their telepathic touching. She smiled. It's all right to feel uncomfortable. Those feelings will help motivate you to change.

What do you want me to do?

Tell me about the people you admire.

Ton frowned. He had no idea what the people he admired had to do with him and his problem. I don't understand.

Just give the names of some of the people you admire.

Ton shrugged slightly. Colonel Quautar, Ausha, Adrian, Dr. Hovaus, Bryaun and Danal, Teren and Deia.

What I want you to do before you see me again next week is to think about those people and specific qualities in them you admire. Then I want you to make a list of qualities you feel make a valuable person.

Ton was thoughtful in his effort to compile a list and thorough. He came up with fifteen qualities he believed made a valuable person: intellect/genius, the ability to make decisions and carry through with them, tenderness, frankness/honesty, expertise/talent/excellence, the ability to think independently, the ability to keep commitments, beauty/attractiveness, cleanliness, self-confidence, being in the state of personal progress, creativity, self-control, caring more about people than things, and caring more about rightness than the opinions of others.

Ton presented his list to Counselor Brunel four days later when he saw her again. She read the list quickly, then looked at him in amazement. I'm impressed, Ton. Every quality you've chosen is a positive one, and nearly every one is an internal quality. Your personal values are well placed.

Ton was pleased but surprised. This was the first time anyone had ever told him his values were worthy. Usually people told him he was a son of Abomination or Eslavu trash, comments that suggested his values were anything but worthy. Then my list is all right?

There is no right or wrong about the list--it's simply a statement of your own opinion on what makes a valuable person. It so happens that your opinion closely parallels what really does make a person valuable. If that were not the case, then we would have to work on your opinion. She looked at him pointedly. You have every one of those qualities yourself.

The counselor's comment was such a blatant lie that Ton couldn't help but feel irritated. Don't do this, please. I didn't come here to be flattered.

Counselor Brunel chuckled. I didn't suggest that you had perfected each one of these qualities in yourself, only that you possess them.

I don't understand, Ton communicated wearily. And he didn't. If there was anything he had learned in these sessions, it was how little he understood about himself and life in general.

Well, one of the qualities you put on your list is that a person should be in the state of personal progress. What does that mean?

That we should always be progressing in some way, not stagnating, not settling for mediocrity in any sense.

Has a person who is in the state of progression reached his ultimate goal yet?

Ton comprehended her point at last. No . . . progression means one is working toward a goal, not that he has accomplished it yet. A person who has accomplished the ultimate goals would be more in a state of perfection than progression.

Does a person have to be perfect at something to be good at it?

In some things, yes. In my profession, definitely yes.

To be a practicing neurophysician, you have to do some things perfectly. Does that mean you're a perfect neurophysician? Do you know everything there is to know about neuromedicine?

No, of course not. Not even close.

Are you a good neurophysician?

Yes. Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed in the operating room.

The same principle applies to every quality you've listed. You possess some of those qualities in more strength than others, but you possess all of them. The counselor addressed each quality one by one and gave Ton specific examples on where those qualities existed in him, and Ton was startled to realize that she was right in every case. The counselor then helped him make a plan to work on those qualities he felt were lacking in his character, and he left the session that day feeling overwhelmingly good about himself.

Ton saw Counselor Brunel later in the week, and they discussed human value in terms of Ton's work as a physician.

What criteria, Ton, do you and your colleagues use to determine what people to treat in the emergency room?

We do what we can to treat everyone, but we always give treatment to the life-threatening cases first.

Are the people you treat people you have met before?

Very rarely.

Do you ever know anything about these people at all?

During the moment of crisis, no. We usually learn a little about them after we treat them, before only if we need the information for treatment.

What you're telling me then is that every injured person who is brought into the emergency room deserves treatment because he is a living human being and as such is very valuable.

Ton nodded.

Why do you think that every human being is valuable?

Ton considered the counselor's question for at least a minute. Finally he admitted in perplexity, I don't know.

But you do feel human life is valuable.

Yes, very much so.

Let me give you two reasons--every human being has the potential to influence his world for good; every human being is unique. Along with these two things, there are two truths that apply to every human being--every human being is responsible for his own happiness; every human being can control only himself and what he personally does. You will feel good about yourself if you can apply these four things to your own life.

After working to define the value of a human being, Ton and Counselor Brunel spent many sessions examining the people in Ton's life and in his past as whole human beings. They discussed his mother, Angela, Jacquae, Adrian, many of his former lovers, Colonel Quautar, Dr. Hovaus, Miaundea, Teren, Deia, Paul, and Ausha.

Ton became angry at first with the way some of these people had wronged him. The counselor told him that it was all right to be angry but reminded him that he could not control what others did to him, that he could only control himself, and that he was responsible for his own happiness. Once Ton finally began believing what the counselor told him, he was able to look at the people in his life with a new perspective, begin developing empathy, and begin forgiving. He began seeing them as real people with strengths and weaknesses, people who, themselves, had insecurities and pain with which to deal.

The more Ton progressed in understanding himself and building his self-concept, the more comfortable he felt in other areas of his life. He didn't fear King so much, and he didn't feel angry or disgusted with Miaundea anymore. Not feeling insecure or threatened in the least by the possibility of seeing her again, he began spending more First Days and holidays with the Quautars, always taking Ausha with him and usually Danal too. He never did see Miaundea at her parents' home, and he didn't miss her.

The desire to have sex tormented him at times, but oddly enough, he never thought of Miaundea anymore when he thought of sex. He didn't think of anyone. The women of his past had disappeared into a remote pit of blackness, and the shadowy companion of his future seemed unreachable. This physical hunger without an object on which to focus his desire was one of the strangest, most frustrating sensations Ton had ever felt, and he did everything in his power to avoid the feeling. His Novaunian friends lived contentedly with their long-term continence, and he was determined to do so also. He kept himself busy, and when he felt those urges awaking within him, he forced himself to think about other things. He never reached a level of complete repose, but he came close enough to feel comfortable with himself and his lifestyle.

Once Ton had discussed with Ausha his conflicting feelings for her and had learned that she held him in the elevated status of "partner" for life as well as for work, he had begun feeling more comfortable with her than ever. His failure to be aroused by her didn't bother him anymore, and he was able to enjoy her companionship more fully not being overly concerned about sex. They confided in each other about nearly everything, so much so, that Ton felt less and less need to communicate with Counselor Brunel as the weeks flew by. His sessions dwindled to once a week, then to every two weeks.

One thing Ton never discussed with Ausha was his treason, as much as he wanted to, and Ausha never asked him about it. She felt his fear at times and in a superficial way knew that the fear was justified, but Ton knew that she couldn't internalize this fact, if for no other reason than because he did not appear to be in danger.

Ton tried not to let himself think about Ausha's suggestion that he apply for a job working with her father, but there were times when he couldn't help it. He could not bear the thought of being separated from Ausha, and he really wanted the position. Dinevlea was where he wanted to be and felt he belonged.

Ton knew he couldn't remain on Novaun or go work for Ausha's father, but he still refused to think about where he wanted to go when he left Novaun, despite Colonel Quautar's threats to make the decision himself and make all of the arrangements without telling him anything. Intellectually Ton knew he had to make plans, but emotionally he couldn't do it.

He grew increasingly more satisfied with his life as time passed, despite his danger, and Novaun became a refuge of freedom, vitality, and rationality instead of the prison of self-denial, boredom, and fanaticism it had been. Ton wouldn't decide where he wanted to go because he didn't want to leave.

Occasionally Ton caught a glimpse of Daniel Stewart, but seeing him did nothing but inspire curiosity. Stewart had done nothing to try and harm him, and Ton wondered what his role in King's plan was. Since King had not been apprehended and no one knew when he would be apprehended, Ton was able to blanket himself with a feeling of security. As far as anyone knew, apprehending King could take another five years. The only problem with that plan was that Deia would remain a prisoner in her home that much longer.

Colonel Quautar continued his unscheduled appearances at the Pavilion to give Ton information. One evening at the beginning of Third Month, Colonel Quautar came to the Pavilion with an unusual request.

The colonel greeted Ton and his friends and sat down at the table. What's your work schedule like in four weekends?

That Seventh Day is the Day of Ancestors, isn't it?

The colonel nodded. Will you be able to come?

I should be able to. The clinic will be closed that day, and I'll be on emergency room stand-by that weekend, unless someone goes out of town unexpectedly and I end up working the entire shift.

When you come, I'd like you to tell us something about your ancestors.

But I don't know anything about any of my ancestors.

It doesn't have to be about your family, the colonel communicated. Tell us something about your people.

My people? Ton communicated, bewildered.

Your countrymen; the people in your history.

Ton had studied Earth history since he had arrived on Novaun, but he had learned about nations and events, not people, and not even much culture. He had studied various ancient religions of Earth, but he had no idea how to apply what he had learned to his ancestors, whomever his ancestors were. But I don't know anything about the people in my history, at least not anything that would interest Novaunians.

What interests you will interest us. If you haven't found anything interesting in your history, it's only because you haven't looked hard enough. You have five weeks. That ought to be plenty of time.

The colonel communicated with Ton and the others at his table for another fifteen minutes. After he left, Ton communicated with his friends, feeling helpless, I'm going to the Quautars' for the Day of Ancestors, and the colonel expects me to tell about the people in my history. What sort of information is appropriate for a presentation like that?

Anything that means something to you, Bryaun answered. Tauna nodded in agreement.

You could start by researching the city or country you were born in, Danal suggested. You could try to find information about outstanding physicians or scientists.

That might actually be interesting, Ton admitted.

Ausha backed her chair away from the table and arose. Danal and I will help you. There must be thousands of hours of information about Earth.

There were indeed thousands of hours of Earth history, most of it compiled by anthropologists and librarians during the twenty-year period immediately preceding the anarchy of the Dark Years, although some of it had been compiled during the twenty-year period following the Day of Liberation.

Ton, Ausha, and Danal spent all of the evenings they weren't working that week in study. Ton was fascinated to learn that many of the old relics he had seen in Italy, the region of the Mediterranean State where his surname had originated, were remnants of the great Roman Empire. He assimilated information about the Dark Ages and the subsequent re-awakening of culture that had begun in Italy, and he was excited to learn that Italy had been the center of the civilized world for many centuries and that many of Earth's great artists and thinkers had been Italian.

Ausha and Danal were no less excited than Ton. They concentrated on finding medical information and were able to find a great deal. Ausha was the one who discovered the information about a man named Camillo Golgi, an Italian anatomist who had developed a special stain that would color only an occasional nerve cell in brain tissue but color it completely, a scientific find of great importance at the time since the nerve cells in the brain, being transparent, were difficult to study.

Danal was the one who found the information about an ancient structure that was still standing, Rome's historic Santo Spirito Hospital, first constructed in 1198 A.D., then rebuilt nearly three centuries later. The interesting thing about the Santo Spirito Hospital was that the walls were covered with priceless frescoes.

Have you ever been there? Danal asked Ton.

Actually, I have seen the Santo Spirito. There isn't another hospital like it in the galaxy.

Ton assimilated biographical information on important Italians from all periods in Earth's history, and he became more and more amazed that many of these people held personal values in common with the Novaunians. During his two-month study of religion and philosophy, he had discovered many similarities in the religious and ethical beliefs of different galactic cultures, enough that he had decided there was something that bound all humanity together and that the something was God. Discovering so many common values between the people in his history, the Novaunians, and himself made him feel more certain than ever that there was a God and that He was the source of morality.

After collecting hours of information about Italy, Ton knew that he could no longer put off searching for information on Baltimore and the man who had provoked the Divine Emperor to pour his wrath down upon it--Antonio Vaccaro, the ultimate "son of Abomination."

Ton learned that Vaccaro had been a priest in the Roman Catholic Church, a solemn, intense man who had given powerful speeches analyzing the teachings and methods of Jesus Christ and the great prophets of the past and comparing them to those of Tohmazz Zarr. Vaccaro declared that Zarr did not teach the doctrines of God the ancient prophets had taught and that he used the same methods of teaching that false prophets had used since the beginning of time. Vaccaro petitioned the people to ask God themselves if Zarr was a messiah and was known by his declaration: "Zarr isn't a messiah! There is only one Messiah! Zarr is the anti-Christ!"

Before the Dark Years, Vaccaro and others who didn't believe that the nations of Earth should federalize under Zarr's Holy Nation led a worldwide protest of millions of people who called themselves Nationalists. Then two enemy Diron nations attacked Earth, destroying the original Tryamazz and plunging Earth into the Dark Years. Tohmazz Zarr died, and the majority of those original Nationalists gathered to communities under light shields and eventually became the Nations of Zion.

Antonio Vaccaro and many other Nationalist leaders, however, chose not to gather to the refuge communities and continued their fight against the new Divine Emperor of the Zarrist nation, Arulezz Zarr. Vaccaro gained sixty-five thousand followers in North America alone, and worldwide, he and the others recruited nearly a million. Zarr's followers, however, numbered in the billions.

On the Day of Liberation, twenty-one years before Ton did his research, Arulezz Zarr finally gained enough support to declare himself Divine Emperor of the entire Earth. As the coronation ceremony ended in the rebuilt Tryamazz, Antonio Vaccaro and thirty-seven other Nationalist leaders were marched into Liberation Court for their execution. As they stood in front of Arulezz Zarr and listened to him give an account of their "crimes," Nationalists who had assumed key positions in Star Force attacked the warriors guarding Vaccaro and the other Nationalist leaders and gave the cry for the Nationalists to arise and overthrow the Zarrists.

This "Liberation Coup" lasted a mere three hours before it ended in tragedy for the Nationalists. Antonio Vaccaro and the eleven other Nationalist leaders who had not been killed in the coup were put in front of a firing squad in Liberation Court and executed, while their followers and members of their families were declared "Abominations" by the Divine Emperor and made Eslavu.

After learning the truth about Antonio Vaccaro on Seventh Day evening, Ton asked Ausha and Danal, How do you think that virtually an entire planet could have been deceived by two Diron men?

The planet was in chaos at the time. The people wanted a savior, Danal speculated.

And telepathic communication was something they knew nothing about, Ausha pointed out. Telepathic communication is extremely intimate, second only in intensity to communication with God. If the majority of Earthons at the time did not know the overwhelming peace that comes from communicating with God, how could they possibly know enough to detect the fraud? The spiritual touching of telepathy felt so wonderful to them that many believed they were communicating with God.

How do you know that the God you believe in isn't another Tohmazz Zarr? Ton didn't ask the question to challenge them; he sincerely wanted to know.

We know by faith, Danal answered.

Ton sat forward in his recliner. Many Earthons have faith that Tohmazz Zarr was a god and that their Divine Emperor speaks for God. What makes their faith wrong and yours right?

Truth, Ausha answered. Not only truth that we've been taught, but truth that we love and live.

Ton looked from one to the other in frustration. How could he hold a rational discussion with them? They communicated in circles.

Ausha smiled slightly, as if she knew what Ton was thinking. You know within your heart that what the Zarrists teach is false. You've felt the manipulation and seen the mental slavery. How could those evil things ever be the by-products of truth?

Ausha was right, of course. Ton had always known that the Divine Emperor used the Zarrist religion to maintain power over Earth's inhabitants. He had also seen the technological, cultural, and social advances of Novaun. He had seen the great power of intelligence, independent thinking, and peace and knew that on Novaun, freedom wasn't just an idea, it was a vibrant existence. Certainly the Novaunians were in possession of some form of natural truth.

Ton decided that Ausha and Danal weren't communicating in circles any more than they ever did. They were simply explaining the situation as they understood it and as they felt best able to explain it to someone who hadn't the experience to look at it from their perspective.

Ton stood up and moved toward the French doors. Some of them saw the sham, though. And they were the ones who fought him.

There just weren't enough who understood, Danal communicated.

Ton gazed at the stars, missing Earth a little. Why didn't Novaun stop him?

Ausha joined Ton at the window. Even if Novaun had sent people to try and stop him, what could they have done that Vaccaro and all of the others didn't do? There were millions of Earthons who knew Zarr was a fraud, and they couldn't stop him.

God is supposed to be all-powerful. Couldn't He destroy the Zarrist government? Why doesn't He save Earth from the Zarrists?

He could and we believe that He will, but then what? God can't teach people who don't want to be taught, and even He can't save people who don't want to be saved, Danal communicated.

A part of Ton was glad he had escaped the Zarrist regime, and another part of him regretted that he could never be an instrument in changing Earth.

Ausha felt his emotions in their telepathic touching and understood their nature. You lived twenty-one years among the Earthons. How do you know that, in some small way, you weren't a part of a movement toward change?

Ton closed the drapes. I guess I don't.

Ton went through the next two days deep in study and thought. He felt bound to Antonio Vaccaro and many other people in his past, bound by a common history and a similar ideology, and yet there were so many holes. By late Second Day afternoon, he had decided it was time to fill one of the biggest holes. He left the clinic after seeing his last patient and went directly to Colonel Quautar's house, determined to learn anything he could about his father.

Chapter 5: A NEW UNDERSTANDING

What's bothering you, Ton? the colonel asked as they sat down in the colonel's office.

This Day of Ancestors study has really got me to thinking. Ton drummed his fingers on the armrest of his leather chair. Do you know anything about my father?

Yes, I do.

Ton froze.

Your father's name was Marco Luciani, but he used the name "Marc." He was born and raised in New York City.

This new information astounded Ton. Then he wasn't a boy from the neighborhood?

No. He's from an affluent family. He met and married your mother, a native of Baltimore, while he was attending Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. The Dark Years descended two months before graduation, and the needs of the time forced him into work in a city clinic as a physician's assistant. It isn't clear what exactly happened after that, but it looks as though your mother's assessment of the situation is probably the correct one.

That he was a Zarrist spy working in Antonio Vaccaro's organization? And that he left when he learned the city would be seized?

Yes. We do know that after he left Baltimore, he relocated to Tryamazz, assumed the name Michael Dupree, and did his residency in neurosurgery at Tryamazz University Medical Center. He lives alone, is an advisor to the Divine Emperor, and is quite wealthy.

"Michael Dupree!" Ton gasped.

I thought you might know who he is.

Ton was still in shock. I've studied his research; the man is a genius. You're certain he's my father?

Colonel Quautar nodded slowly, twisting his body slightly and pulling a disc storage notebook from a shelf. He flipped through the discs, removed one from its case, and inserted it into the telepathic transmission recorder.

Within seconds, both Ton and the colonel were assimilating the image of a young man wearing an Earthon graduation robe and cap, with black hair, black eyes, olive skin, and a thick black mustache, a young man who could have easily been Ton's twin.

That's him?

This is Marco Luciani at age twenty-one, when he graduated from college. And I have a few more stills of him after he assumed the name Michael Dupree.

Colonel Quautar telepathically commanded the recorder to run through several more images of Ton's father. After assuming the name Michael Dupree, he had lightened his hair and shaved off his mustache, but the facial features were the same.

Ton sat there in a daze. Had he grown up as Michael Dupree's acknowledged son, he would have had the money to obtain whatever medical education he desired. He would have had the money to live and practice medicine anywhere on Earth he chose. He would have had a famous father and a certain amount of prestige. And even with all of those privileges, he would have grown up in a home of violence.

Michael Dupree, gifted Earth physician, had battered his wife and children and had finally abandoned them, and for the first time in his life, Ton understood his mother's bitterness. She had never been bitter that her husband had physically abused her. She had been bitter because her successful, ambitious husband had left her poor in the slums.

Ton thought he should be angry and disillusioned, or at least disgusted, but he wasn't. The values of his parents and his sisters were so mutated and foreign to his own that Ton could scarcely comprehend them. None of what had happened felt real enough to make any difference, and he felt as if he were assimilating a piece of fiction instead of a piece of his life. He pitied the members of his family, and, at the same time, he wanted to laugh at them.

Ton felt Colonel Quautar's hand on his arm. Does it disturb you?

Ton looked into the colonel's compassionate green eyes. No. I finally understand.

You don't regret growing up poor without a father?

I'm glad he left. He's a son of Abomination, and we were better off without him. Ton gazed at the colonel thoughtfully. My mother was right about many things. I am a lot like my father. But I'm very different from him too. Perhaps if I hadn't had to struggle for so long and do things on my own, I would never have realized that.

The colonel squeezed Ton's arm. You're a fine young man, Ton. You're one of the best examples of determination I've ever seen. You've accomplished a great deal in your young life, and you have every reason to feel very good about yourself.

Ton smiled at the colonel in appreciation. He reflected on his life and wondered, yet again, how an abandoned kid from the slums had ended up in a place like Novaun. He suddenly realized that none of it had been by accident--the way Adrian had taken him as a protégé, his training in Star Force, and his friendship with Teren, Deia, Ausha, and all the others. Something deep inside of him, yet far outside and above him, had led him to Novaun.

Colonel Quautar returned the disc to the notebook. Have you decided where you want to live after you leave Novaun?

Ton shook his head.

The colonel quickly returned the disc notebook to the shelf. I've been waiting for a decision for half a year. What's the problem?

Nothing, Ton communicated weakly.

Do you need suggestions?

I don't know. Let me think about it.

There must be somewhere you want to go, something you want to do. I can't believe you haven't thought about it at all.

How could Ton answer? Why did he have to give up his identity and go to a non-Novaunian planet to be safe? Once King and the agents he had on Novaun were dead, wouldn't the threat to his life be gone? Did Earth want him dead too? Possibly. If Earth did want him dead, why? He couldn't think of a single reason that wouldn't apply to Teren, Paul, and Deia also, and even Deia's life wasn't in danger at present. So why did Colonel Quautar insist that he had to go to another planet under a new identity and the guise of death to be safe?

Realization struck. Colonel Quautar had never told him that he had to go to a non-Novaunian planet under a new identity to be safe, never. Colonel Quautar gave him information and asked him where he wanted to go, nothing more, nothing less. Colonel Quautar just assumed he would be happier living on a non-Novaunian planet and had never considered any other possibility, or had he? Ton remembered the colonel telling him once, There may be more choices than you think. What had he meant by that?

Forget about King for a minute, the colonel communicated. If you could do anything, what would it be?

Ton hesitated. I want to apply for a job on Dinevlea with Ausha's father. I think he would hire me.

Colonel Quautar gazed at Ton keenly, and Ton realized that his answer was the one the colonel had expected. Why didn't you just tell me that months ago?

I thought I had to come up with a non-Novaunian planet. Ton tugged restlessly at his mustache. If you knew all along that I wanted to go to Dinevlea, why didn't you just tell me that it was a possibility?

Because it isn't a possibility.

The colonel's ambiguity exasperated Ton. Why don't you make this easier for both of us! You pick my future home!

The colonel smiled. I don't think I need to.

Why can't I go to Dinevlea? It's only King who wants me dead, not Earth's government. Once he's apprehended and the spies who are here are captured, I'll be safe. You can't tell me that Earth is going to waste men and resources on me after King is dead!

Ton, you offended hundreds of thousands of Earthons when you wore your Star Force uniform to Mautysia. I have Earth broadcasts that you haven't seen, broadcasts of thousands of people, Star Force warriors in particular, who are demanding you be returned to Earth for punishment. As long as there is an Earthon alive who remembers your name, you will be in a certain amount of danger. Dinevlea, being a border planet, is much more open to outsiders than Novaun, including Earthons.

Dinevlea isn't that open. I was on Latanza III for several months and wanted to visit a Novaunian planet. My application for a visa to Dinevlea was rejected twice!

And had you remained on Latanza III longer, your application may have eventually been accepted. There is free travel between Dinevlea and several of its non-Novaunian neighbors, and had you been a citizen of Latanza III, your first application probably would have been accepted. I wouldn't be surprised if Dr. Ferudant has many patients who aren't Novaunian at all. I believe, as you do, that you would be very comfortable on Dinevlea, but you can never go there, ever. Not even to visit.

Ton couldn't help but feel extremely disappointed.

There is another, comparable possibility that would be acceptable.

A comparable possibility? Ton felt the disappointment melt away, replaced by happiness and hope. I can stay here? Really?

If that's what you want. It would definitely be your safest option. There would be no reason to fake your death, so we'll make sure you're nowhere near that courtroom when King goes on trial. You are, however, still in a great deal of danger. I'm certain there will, at some point in time, be an attempt on your life. As soon as you make a definite decision, we can apprehend Stewart, learn whatever we can from him, and attempt to force any other spy who's here to make a move, then capture him too, but I can't give you any guarantees.

Do you really think you'll be able to learn something from Stewart?

Yes, of course. We'll find out why he's here and how he got here--that will be easy.

How? I can't picture you people using mind torture to gain information. It doesn't strike me as being quite moral.

We have a far more effective method of interrogation than mind torture. We use a combination of spirit massage with electrical impulses to key parts of the brain to basically relax the information out of them. They feel so wonderful they can't wait to tell us everything. Pain is a difficult thing to fight, but so is pleasure.

Ton laughed. You mean you intoxicate them.

More or less. It's a very sophisticated intoxication and has no side effects.

You can actually tell me this?

The colonel shrugged. Everyone knows about the method, but no other planet has been able to develop it to the same level we have. Nobody does it as well as we do, and only the strongest minds are capable of resisting.

Perhaps Stewart is one of those strong minds.

Perhaps, but I doubt it. My guess is that he's a religious fanatic, bound to the Divine Emperor's mind. He probably knows very little other than what his mission is.

Ton leaned forward slightly. What does your gift of prophecy tell you about me?

Colonel Quautar's eyebrows lifted in interest. My gift of prophecy?

Yes. Bray and Maurek told me that Novaunian military leaders have the gift of prophecy. I know you do. You understand me too well. You know too much about Bray's future, and you knew before Miaundea met him that he would be her husband. What does God tell you about me? Am I going to live through this?

The colonel gazed at Ton, tapping his fingers against his mouth.

Well, am I?

The colonel hesitated. I don't know. He lowered his hand and absently stroked his armrest. I've spent countless hours in study, meditation, and prayer, trying to find out what's coming and what I need to do to protect you. I've never been able to learn anything specific, and it baffles me. I know there will be an attempt on your life, an attempt you may not survive. I know that the measures we're taking to protect you are the right ones, but I also know that they won't be enough. I assume that whether you live or die is going to depend on you.

Depend on me? Are you finally going to give me a weapon?

No. Not yet at least. It won't depend on a weapon or on your skill in fighting--it will depend on you. The colonel placed his fingers gently on Ton's heart.

Can't God tell you what I need to do?

It doesn't work that way. He's already told me what I need to know in order to do what I need to do. Anything else, He'll tell to you. But He won't tell you unless you ask.

Ton didn't like where this discussion was leading. You mean . . . pray?

The colonel nodded slowly.

I could never do that.

Why not?

I just couldn't. I don't know how.

Colonel Quautar slid out of his chair to the floor and his knees, putting his hand on Ton's shoulder and gently pushing him down with him. Ton knelt on the white rug facing the colonel, feeling a sense of anticipation mingled with curiosity.

Colonel Quautar nudged Ton's spirit with his, inviting him to overlap spirits with him. Just address Him and communicate what's in your heart.

Ton gratefully accepted Colonel Quautar's help, expanding his spirit to merge with his, allowing their thoughts to become one.

As Ton had gradually come to believe that God was the source of morality, he had come to be troubled by two questions. He wanted to know whether God knew him and if He had given the Novaunians their religion.

The colonel was delighted to learn about Ton's study. His spirit reached upward and outward, pulling Ton's along with it. Go on, Ton.

Ton could feel the colonel's affection and admiration, and that gave him confidence. God, do you know me?

Even as Ton asked the question, he realized he already knew the answer. Of course God knew him. He had led him to Novaun and had given him a comfortable, productive life. The answer to the first question, moreover, answered the second. He was happy on Novaun and knew that the Novaunians were in possession of natural truth. He was, therefore, satisfied that the Novaunian religion had come from God.

A feeling of joy surged through Ton, so palpable it was almost overwhelming. He didn't feel words in his mind, but he understood that God wanted him to join the Novaunians' religious order, that He would help him understand the things he learned, and that He didn't expect him to understand everything at once.

Ton didn't know how all of this information had been communicated to him, but he knew it all the same. He could think of nothing more to ask, so he remained there on his knees, stretching his spirit out to God with an emphatic Thank you!

Many minutes passed and the extraordinary sensation gradually faded, leaving a warm feeling of well-being. The colonel withdrew his spirit, leaving Ton alone in his contemplation.

Eventually Ton lifted his head and focused on the colonel. What do I do now? Is it possible for you to give me the Covenant?

Yes it is, and I would be honored. Colonel Quautar slowly stood up and pulled Ton up with him. Who is the presiding taurnel of the assembly you attend?

His name is Raul Blorsten.

In the next couple of days, you need to communicate with him. He'll tell you what you need to do, and he'll probably want to give you several preparatory interviews.

Ton nodded and moved toward the door with the colonel. He halted there for a moment. Colonel?

The colonel put his arm around Ton, squeezing his shoulder. It's "Sharad," Ton. I'd like you to call me "Sharad."

Ton turned toward Sharad and smiled. After what had just happened, it did feel right. Thank you. Sharad.

Now what is it you want to ask?

What will happen to me if King is never apprehended and keeps sending assassins?

He'll be apprehended, the colonel assured. It's just a matter of time. Even if by some remote chance he isn't, the Divine Emperor will have him killed.

Why? asked Ton in fascination.

When it's all over, I'll tell you.

So I can continue living on Novaun. You're absolutely sure about that.

Yes. If you'd like, I'll go ahead and begin the proceedings to make you a citizen and to create a new family organization in your name. What you need to do is start looking for a job. It will be easier for me to protect you if you work in Shalaun, but if there's nothing available here that interests you, go ahead and apply with other clinics on the planet.

And you'll arrest Stewart?

It will be done tonight.

Chapter 6: DISILLUSIONED

As Ton walked with Sharad from his office to the kitchen, he asked, Have you decided whether or not I can go to Bryaun and Tauna's wedding? Bryaun and Tauna were being married in Amaria in five weeks, and even Ausha's family was coming from Dinevlea to attend.

You may go, as long as you don't mind my coming with you as your bodyguard.

I guess I should feel honored to have such a high-ranking bodyguard.

As Ton walked around the long bar that divided the kitchen from the living room, he was immediately surprised to see Miaundea sitting in a chair in front of the French doors, communicating with her mother and Sharauna. She was as beautiful as ever, but different. Her hair was wavy instead of teased, and she wore it parted in the middle with two narrow jeweled braids hanging at each side of her face. Something was different about her face too, something Ton couldn't define. Gone was that idealistic zeal that had compelled her to go to Mautysia to live and work, replaced by indifference.

Ton thought that by now he should feel comfortable seeing her, but he wasn't. Too much had passed between them. She was far more than an acquaintance but much less than a friend, and Ton didn't know how to deal with her. He thought about the four and a half months he had tried to seduce her and suddenly felt ashamed. For the first time since he had known Miaundea, he understood what torment he had put her through. She had been trying to live her religion, a religion that was from God. Ton had pressured her relentlessly, and the remorse he now felt, knowing that she had been right all along to refuse him, was unfathomable. He wished he didn't have to face her.

Miaundea turned and looked at him. She tried to remain calm, but her expression was one of discomfort, which made him feel even worse. Maybe if he had treated her decently to begin with, she wouldn't feel so uneasy with him. A moment passed, and she said in English, smiling shyly, "It's good to see you, Ton."

Ton forced himself to smile. Are you back for good?

Miaundea regarded him in surprise, then replied telepathically, No. I still have eight weeks. She smiled slightly. Sharauna wants to know if you're bringing Dr. Navtur with you on the Day of Ancestors.

Sharauna flushed and glared at Miaundea.

Ton looked over at Sharauna, amused. Danal? Yes, he and Ausha are both coming with me.

Please, Ton. Don't tell him I wanted to know. You weren't even supposed to know. Sharauna glared again at Miaundea.

Miaundea smiled at Sharauna knowingly. Perhaps Ton can make a suggestion to Dr. Navtur in your favor.

I don't want him to communicate anything to Dr. Navtur!

It's Danal, Sharauna! Call him Danal. And don't worry. I won't communicate anything to embarrass you. I can be very sly when it comes to this sort of thing. Still, if you like Danal, you should let him know. Even if he's interested in you, he probably wouldn't do anything about it. He's very tentative when it comes to women and hardly ever goes on engagements.

Sharauna's eyes suddenly filled with compassion. Why not?

Half a year ago or so, his fiancée decided she would rather marry someone else. He's had a really difficult time getting over it.

That's awful!

Ton walked toward the door. I'd better be going. See you all later. To his surprise, Miaundea arose and walked with him. He realized that her hair and countenance weren't the only things about her that had changed. Her dress was different too, and it wasn't only that it was new. The color was bright and the style was contoured, but it covered her back completely and fell several centimeters below her knees instead of several centimeters above them. She was soft and congenial, unpretentious, and far less erotic.

Once they were on the front porch, Anenka barked happily when she saw Ton and pawed at his leg. Ton reached down and patted Anenka's head. He wished Miaundea would leave him alone and go back into the house, but she didn't. His only consolation was that she seemed to be as uncomfortable as he was.

Is that Anenka?

Ton nodded, trying to think of something to communicate. After a moment he asked, Are you enjoying Mautysia?

Yes I am, very much. I've met a lot of interesting people and made some good friends.

Do you see Bray's family much?

I see Mauya and Raunel. Miaundea leaned against a marble column. You're so different, Ton. I don't know what it is, but you've really changed. And I've never known you to be so comfortable with telepathy.

Ton shrugged. I'm on Novaun, and telepathy is the language of Novaun. I've worked very hard to become comfortable with it.

How much longer do you have before you finish your apprenticeship with Dr. Hovaus?

A little more than half a year.

Do you have a job yet?

Ton shook his head.

Miaundea gazed at him solemnly. There's something I want to discuss with you about finding a job. I'm not sure how to tell you this . . . She hesitated, her expression uneasy.

Ton thought it strange Miaundea would want to communicate with him about a career decision, and the fact that she was uneasy about it was downright perplexing. He frowned and waited for her to continue.

I know that Mautysia is the center of medical research on Novaun. I don't know whether you've applied for a job with one of the clinics there or whether you've even considered it, but I feel I need to warn you. If you go to work in Mautysia, the people there will be friendly and hospitable, but they will never accept you. Not completely. Not in the same way people have accepted you here in Shalaun.

Ton wished he could tell her that he didn't understand, but he did. They are racists, aren't they.

Miaundea sighed and sat down on the bench next to a white planter full of flowers. I think "racist" is too strong a term. Or maybe it isn't, I don't know. I can, however, describe their attitude. They claim brotherhood with all humanity and pray for people all over the galaxy, but they don't know anything about the people they pray for beyond a few basic facts, and they don't want to know. They don't think they believe that they're better than other people, but, at the same time, they don't believe they will benefit by understanding other races and cultures. And it's not only that. They are very concerned about keeping the race pure. I don't think a Verzaunian man would ever marry a woman with the same racial background as Ausha Ferudant, not even Bray.

Miaundea was completely serious, but Ton couldn't help but laugh. That's not a problem. Ausha would never marry a pacifist from any planet, not in a million years! As for Bray, he isn't planning to marry a Dinevlean woman. He gazed at her pointedly. And if I remember correctly, you didn't want a man who was perfect.

Miaundea should have been amused, but she wasn't. She communicated nothing, and Ton finally understood the change that had taken place in her during the four and a half months she had lived in Mautysia. She had gone to Mautysia to understand the virtue of the pacifists and their position, but in the process she had seen unexpected weaknesses and had been disillusioned.

This attitude of theirs really disturbs you, doesn't it?

Yes it does, very much.

This wouldn't have anything to do with pride, would it? You did, after all, quit the Coalition over that very issue.

Ausha told you about that? Miaundea communicated, abashed.

Ton nodded. I don't mean to criticize you or anything. You've known all along that there are flaws in the pacifist position. Perhaps you're making too much of this.

No. This isn't only about pride. One of the reasons I'm an anthropologist is because I believe we can learn a lot from other cultures and that they can learn a lot from us. And I have learned a lot from people of other cultures, especially you.

Ton's good humor suddenly disappeared. So all I am to you is a learning experience, is that it? An Earthon specimen that was an interesting study?

Don't you start this again!

You never believed you could need someone like me, ever. You're as much a racist as the Mautysians.

Maybe that was true before, but I understand things differently now. You helped me see myself in a different way, as painful as it was. I really did need you, Ton. It was just that I needed you more as a reflector than a man. If that offends you, I'm sorry. But it is the truth.

Ton didn't communicate anything for several moments. When he finally he did, he took care to be gentle. Then stop being disillusioned. Just help them understand. Help all of us understand. I think Novaun needs you, Miaundea.

Miaundea shoved her hair over her ear. It's just that their attitude is so intolerable! I know why they have it; they've isolated themselves too much. But still, I can't stand it!

So, what are you going to do about it?

There isn't anything I can do about it other than what I originally planned to do--publish a dissertation and work to help Isolationists and Fleet supporters understand each other.

What about in your dealings with Bray's family?

However difficult it may be for me on some points, it will always be more difficult for Bray. I suppose we'll both just deal with his family the best we can.

Ton stood there in silence, the guilt he felt for previously exerting such sexual pressure on Miaundea still nagging at him.

A minute passed, and Miaundea communicated, staring at the porch floor, I really had hoped that we could someday feel comfortable with each other.

I don't know if that's possible. Too much has happened.

Maybe we could start from the beginning. Miaundea stood up and smiled weakly, taking his hand with hers and shaking it. Hello. My name is Miaundea Quautar. What's yours?

Ton pressed her hand with his, shaking his head. Don't do this, Miaundea.

She looked as sick as he felt, but she continued in her little charade. I'm from Shalaun--

Please, Miaundea. Don't. I need to tell you something.

Miaundea tried to pull her hand away from his, but he wasn't ready to let go. Color rose into her cheeks, and Ton suddenly understood the reason for her uneasiness. She was still attracted to him. He instantly dropped her hand and backed away from her in alarm.

Miaundea put her hand to her forehead and bowed her head in embarrassment. I feel ridiculous. I thought the last time I saw you that it was gone for good, but I guess some feelings never completely go away.

Miaundea's feelings disturbed Ton tremendously. I don't understand.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, Miaundea replied, hurt. I suppose when you look at me, the only thing you feel is disgust. I don't blame you, really.

No. Not disgust. Just not what I felt before. Miaundea, you belong to another man. That's what I don't understand.

Miaundea's eyes finally lifted to look into Ton's again. I don't know if I understand completely either. I do know that my feelings for Bray are as strong as they ever were.

Ton still felt a need to relieve himself of his guilt. I'm sorry about everything, Miaundea. I don't think we would feel so awkward with each other if I hadn't pressured you with such selfishness and determination. I wish I could tell you that I didn't know any better, but I think that in some ways I did. I'm sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me.

Miaundea gazed at him in surprise and tenderness. I forgave you a long time ago, Ton. And I'm sorry I led you into believing I wanted something I didn't. It was difficult for me to look closely at myself and realize that I had brought a lot of it on myself with my clothing and my attitude.

Ton gestured toward her dress. Is that the reason for the change?

The corner of Miaundea's mouth lifted slightly. I thought you would notice.

Ton shrugged. I notice things like that.

I know. But it wasn't only because of you that I changed the way I dress. Her tone of thought was reflective and sad. There was someone else who also made me see the need.

The Quautars' transport pod booth opened, and Ausha stepped out. Ton watched her in relief. Anenka rubbed against Ton's legs as she trotted to Ausha. Ausha knelt down on the walk, embraced Anenka, and let her lick her face. Did he know anything?

He did, but you'll never believe it.

Ausha looked up at him suddenly and frowned. Are you all right? She arose and walked toward Ton and Miaundea.

I'm not sure. Ton stepped forward to meet Ausha, slipping his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.

Ausha kissed his cheek, then gazed at him for a moment in communication. It's Miaundea, isn't it. You two haven't been arguing, have you?

No. She's been perfectly friendly.

Ton noticed that Miaundea was watching Ausha in curiosity tinged with irritation. Hello, Ausha, she communicated coolly. That's a stunning outfit.

Ausha grinned, then burst out laughing, her eyes sparkling with delight. Her arm went around Ton's waist, and she pulled him close. Thank you very much, but you really ought to address your compliment to my wardrobe consultant.

Miaundea frowned. Your wardrobe consultant?

Ausha nodded and laughed again.

Miaundea stared at Ton in shock. You?

Ton nodded, amused. I have to look at her all day, and nothing offends me more than to see a beautiful woman in clothes that belong on a cadaver.

Ausha's eyebrows shot up. That's an interesting comparison Ton, since cadavers don't wear any clothes.

If they did, they'd wear those old dresses of yours!

I can't believe you're letting him get away with a comment like that, Miaundea communicated to Ausha, completely serious.

Ausha shrugged. It doesn't bother me. Ton did me a service. I'm grateful to him.

Ton looked at Miaundea knowingly. Ausha's always known that fancy embellishments and silks aren't right for her. She's just never known how to put together a wardrobe that reflects her personality. He gently pounded her head with his fist. She has no patience and no imagination.

Ausha grinned. I don't need an imagination, Ton. Yours is copious enough for both of us.

Ton turned Ausha around, and gave her a light push toward the neighborhood landing platform. See you later, Miaundea. He glanced at her over his shoulder as he and Ausha walked away, Anenka trotting in front of them.

As they walked, Ton communicated to Ausha in exasperation, You are never going to believe this. Miaundea is still attracted to me.

What makes you think that?

Ton telepathically began showing her his conversation with Miaundea. He had barely started when Ausha burst out in surprise, Sharauna likes Danal? That's wonderful! I think he likes her too.

We're not discussing Sharauna and Danal, we're discussing Miaundea and me!

I'm sorry, Ton. Go on.

Ton resumed showing Ausha his conversation with Miaundea. Once he was finished, Ausha communicated thoughtfully, I don't think you should be surprised that she still finds you attractive. You are attractive, and she once thought she was in love with you.

But she's engaged to marry someone else!

That doesn't mean she can completely shut images of other men out of her life. She certainly shouldn't entertain those thoughts. If she started flirting with you or tried to spend any kind of personal time with you, then you should be disturbed and probably skeptical, but all you felt in her was a tiny spark of excitement. If you hadn't been communicating with her telepathically, you probably wouldn't have even known.

So you think I'm making too much of this.

Yes, I do. Forget about it. I can guarantee you, she will. All she has to do is go home and put a commudisc from Bray into the telepathic transmission recorder. I doubt she'll think about you all evening.

You're probably right about that. Ton shook his head in hopelessness as they slid into the car. I just don't know what to do about her, Ausha. I'm not attracted to her anymore, but I can't seem to treat her like a regular person. I'm not angry at her either, but when I communicate with her I still feel so awkward.

Don't do anything about her. When you see her, communicate with her in a courteous, honest way. The uncomfortable feelings are bound to fade with time.

In time . . . Ton communicated glumly.

Now who's being impatient! It's only been half a year. Something would be wrong with both of you if you didn't feel a little uncomfortable with each other.

Really?

Really. Ausha clutched Ton's arm. Don't keep me in suspense! What did Colonel Quautar tell you about your father?

Well, he's alive. Amazingly enough, he's a famous neurosurgeon. He goes by the name Michael Dupree. Ton proceeded to tell her everything Colonel Quautar had told him. Ausha assimilated it all in fascination.

Ton drove to the pier and parked his car. He and Ausha got out and walked into an informal seafood restaurant where they sometimes ate, leaving Anenka sitting outside the door. It's so wonderful, Ausha. I finally understand.

Your mother was right about a lot of things, wasn't she?

She really was. I know now why she never tried to get a divorce. She either didn't know where he was, or she was hoping he would eventually come back.

They sat down at a table next to a window and ordered. You know what I wish more than anything? I wish I could go back to Earth and talk with my mother, really talk with her, for an hour or two, or maybe for an entire evening. I want just once to look at her through the eyes of an adult, and not a child. I doubt things would ever be different; I don't think she could ever feel any affection for me. But I want to be able to understand her better and feel just a little affection for her. I want to know her as a person.

Ausha gazed at him in admiration. You wish you could take care of her, don't you?

Yes I do, kind of. I could afford to help her out at least. That's ridiculous, isn't it?

No it isn't. She's your mother.

It wouldn't matter anyway, not now.

Why not?

Because I'm a traitor and a disgrace. Ton couldn't help but feel a little sad. She would never acknowledge me now, not even to take my money. I'm sure she wishes more than ever that I had never been born.

Ausha's spirit embraced Ton's with compassion. Ton knew she wanted to tell him that what he believed wasn't true, but she knew as well as he did that it was.

The waiter brought their salads. As he walked away, Ton skewered a slice of pepper with his fork and communicated, I have something good to tell you.

Ausha's eyebrows rose in interest.

I'm going to join the Order.

Ton, that's wonderful! How did it happen?

Their food arrived, and Ton told Ausha about his discussion with Colonel Quautar, leaving out the parts about his dangerous situation. He told me to communicate what was in my heart and kind of pushed me down to the floor. I felt extremely awkward and a little scared, and I don't think I could have done it, but he knelt there with me. I could feel his essence reaching out to something I couldn't understand, and that was when I really wanted to communicate with God and believed it was possible. Ton described the experience he'd had praying as well as he could.

Ausha's spirit clutched Ton's with joy. Ton, you have no idea how intensely I've wanted this, how vehemently I've prayed for it every day since that afternoon in the office when we communicated about death. You were so terrified to die and so in despair, and I knew what you wanted and needed, and I wished I could just pour everything I understood into you and make you feel better, but I couldn't because you wouldn't have believed me.

There's still a lot I don't understand.

Ausha smiled. There's still a lot the rest of us don't understand either. That's what makes life exciting, you know. There's always something new to learn, some new way to progress.

Ton hesitated. What exactly did you ask God when you prayed for me?

Ausha's gaze was earnest and soft with affection. I asked Him to help you understand that life has meaning and to help you be happy. I also asked Him to take away your fear and to help you know that you have friends who really care about you.

If I ever doubted it before, I don't doubt it now.

Chapter 7: DIFFERING VIEWS?

Miaundea watched Ton and Ausha walk to the neighborhood landing platform in a daze. Ausha smiled and waved to her as she and Ton walked away, and Miaundea regained enough of her senses to lift her hand and flutter her fingers a little. She finally turned and walked back into the house, disturbed.

What was going on between Ton and Ausha? Ausha had been wearing her new outfits not long after Miaundea had stopped seeing Ton and had become betrothed to Braysel. Miaundea had been so concerned about whether Ton was bitter, and Ton had been all over the city with Ausha choosing her clothes!

Miaundea recalled her conversation with Ausha at the Coalition meeting. Ausha had told her that her "friend" had put together some outfits for her in exchange for some decorating. That made sense--Ton's apartment had been lifeless and empty--but a man and woman had to be exceptionally good friends before either one of them would even think of making an arrangement like that.

Miaundea went to the kitchen, where her mother and father were preparing dinner. Sharauna had disappeared. Miaundea leaned over the bar. Ausha Ferudant just came and left again with Ton. What's going on between those two?

Her mother's knife clicked against the countertop, producing a pile of chopped vegetables. Do I detect a bit of jealousy?

Oh, I don't know. I don't know why it irritates me to see them so friendly. If it were anyone but Ausha, I probably wouldn't even notice.

What do you have against Ausha? her father asked, squeezing a few drops of auyvalnut oil into a frying pan.

Nothing really.

Except that she's known Ton nearly as long as you have. Her father scooped the chopped onions off the countertop and tossed them into the pan.

Miaundea felt peculiar. She understood what her father was getting at, but that wasn't quite it. She had never cared much for Ausha, and she had been acquainted with her months before she had met Ton.

Her mother stopped chopping and looked up. You are jealous of Ausha, aren't you? And have been for a long time. Why?

Miaundea felt as if her mother's acute perception were seizing a garbled emotion in her essence, yanking it out, and defining it in the process. Miaundea answered without thinking, Because everyone likes her--all the men like her.

And now Ton likes her, her father communicated in understanding.

Miaundea nodded. She felt humiliated to realize that the reason Ausha wouldn't tell her anything about Ton that day at the Coalition meeting was because she knew everything, and Ton wouldn't have told her everything had he not felt close to her for a considerable length of time.

Miaundea felt sick to remember how Ausha had leaned on Ton that First Day he had brought her with him to the house and how tenderly Ton had treated her. Miaundea remembered in further mortification her conversation with Ton in the lounge at the Doshyr estate the night of Teren and Deia's wedding party and how disturbed he had been that Ausha's brother had died. Ton had probably never met Ausha's brother, but his feelings for her had been intense enough at that point that he had felt her grief.

Whatever is going on between Ton and Ausha has been going on for a long time, a lot longer than I ever realized, Miaundea reluctantly observed.

Her mother swept the vegetables she had just chopped to the side. Ton and Ausha love each other; that's what's going on between them. I'm not sure they realize it, though.

Miaundea knew her mother was right. Ton did love Ausha, and Ausha had always been the one he loved. Miaundea felt angry, humiliated, and more jealous of Ausha than ever. What was it about Ausha? Why were men so insane about her? Why had Ton always preferred her? Even as jealousy poured over Miaundea, she wondered why she should care so much. She glared at the counter, infuriated with herself.

Her father communicated gently, as if in answer to her thoughts, Ausha's an interesting young lady. She's very empathic, and she has a phenomenal ability to make anyone she's with feel comfortable and good about himself. Ton has desperately needed someone like that in his life, and perhaps that's one of the things that attracted him to her. It isn't just that, though. Ton has many interests and values in common with Ausha, and his temperament blends well with hers. They just have that unique kind of rapport that tends to move people to love each other.

Her father's observations melted some of Miaundea's jealously, and she suddenly felt overwhelmed by relief that nothing had happened between Ton and her. The relief was so great that within moments it had smothered every other feeling.

Miaundea went to the cupboard for a stack of plates. Do you think Ton would ever ask her to marry him?

I hope he does, her mother communicated. I think they would do well together. I believe Ausha will be happier if she marries another physician, and Ton needs a wife.

Her father's expression was one of assurance. I predict that within a month we'll get an announcement.

Miaundea walked around the bar and began setting the table. Really? Do you really think she would marry him?

I suppose there's a chance she would refuse him, her father replied, but I don't think it's likely. She admires him a great deal.

But what about all of his liquors and those awful taffuaos he smokes? They seem to get along well, but do you think that, under the circumstances, she ought to marry him?

Her mother chuckled knowingly. Her father communicated, Ton hasn't had a taff or a drink in months, so I hardly think that would affect Ausha's decision on the matter.

Miaundea set the final glass on the table and spun around to face her parents. You mean he quit?

Her father nodded. And can you blame him? He could only smoke and drink in his apartment, and not within six hours of working or driving. It really was in his best interest to give it up completely.

He'll never join the Order.

Oh, I'm certain he will, her father contradicted with a smile.

He really has changed. Miaundea had known that Ton was different, but she had never dreamed he had changed so drastically, and it unsettled her. She couldn't help but think about what could have been, until she realized that, regardless of the circumstances, Ton would never have wanted to marry her. He had felt affection for her, but the affection he felt for Ausha had always been greater. Miaundea knew also that she had offended him in many ways and that he had never respected her enough to give her the status of wife. She also had to admit to herself that she had never loved Ton enough to overlook the fact that she would probably outlive him by a century.

He's had to change, just to cope, her father explained. He's had a very traumatic year.

Do you have any regrets? her mother asked.

Miaundea smiled barely and shook her head. No regrets. Just . . . thoughts.

Miaundea ate dinner with her family that evening, then went to her Shalaun apartment to spend the night, preoccupied with the pacifists' race problems and what she had learned in her encounter with Ton.

Was Ton right? Was she really making too much of the pacifists' racist tendencies? Novaunian pacifists weren't marrying Gudyneans or Kavellans--so what? Didn't they have the right to marry whomever they pleased? Miaundea was the first to admit that an interracial marriage would have unique challenges, and it wasn't as if the Isolationists advocated violating anyone's civil rights or anything like that. But then again, all three of her roommates had favored the notion of the six dually colonized planets forming their own union.

People weren't getting hurt by these attitudes, or were they? Miaundea had no doubt that Ausha and her counterparts believed that the Isolationists had protested the Latanzan War because they were racists. Miaundea knew, however, that this belief was false. The Isolationists had protested Novaun's involvement in the Latanzan War because they believed it was wrong for any Novaunian to kill--the protest had been nothing more or less than that. Perhaps she really was making too much of this.

Still, it bothered her that Braysel would agree with his countrymen on this, of all issues. On the other hand, if Braysel held this opinion, perhaps it had some merit. Then again, Ton had reminded her that she hadn't expected to find a husband who was perfect. Was Braysel really so imperfect for holding this opinion, or was she so arrogant that her opinion always had to be right? As far as the racial issue was concerned, who was really right and who was really wrong? Miaundea couldn't help but think the pacifists were wrong in their attitudes, but, at the same time, the whole issue confused her.

Miaundea had ended telepathic communication with Braysel abruptly two days before and hadn't communicated with him since. She knew that he was probably frantic and that she should communicate with him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it--not yet.

She felt especially uncomfortable now after her encounter with Ton and the emotions of attraction and jealousy it had inspired. She did not love Ton, at least not to the same degree she loved Braysel, but how could Braysel ever learn of her feelings and not be hurt? How could she get rid of these awful feelings? How could she make herself accept Ton's involvement with Ausha?

Miaundea felt queer when she thought of Ausha, especially in light of what her father had told her. Miaundea thought it odd that her father hadn't once mentioned Ausha's beauty in his observation, but, then again, he was old enough to be Ausha's father and probably didn't notice things like that. Miaundea believed men must look at Ausha and consider her beautiful, but was it her beauty that attracted them to her so irresistibly? Or was it that she was so comfortable to be with, as her father had suggested?

The thought of it overwhelmed Miaundea with realization of her own weaknesses. People loved Ausha because she was so warm and eager to know them. People disliked Miaundea because she was cold, haughty, and distant--Ton disliked her because she was cold, haughty, and distant. Miaundea's heart clenched in self-pity. Ausha, the soft effusive healer; Miaundea the hard ice queen of Auyval Beach . . .

Miaundea felt the district relay touch her mind and was suddenly filled with dread. The person who wanted to communicate with her was Braysel. What would she communicate? She tentatively opened her mind and received his transmission.

Do you still hate me? Since their spirits weren't touching she couldn't feel his emotions, but he formulated his thoughts with such heaviness and care that she knew he was in agony.

Miaundea stacked her bed pillows and propped herself up. No, of course not Bray. I never did.

If it makes you feel any better, I don't think Dinevlea, Bristaun, and Jeltar ought to be kicked out of the Union.

Miaundea nearly laughed. It was almost a joke, and she did begin feeling better. Maybe Novaun and all of those insane pacifists ought to be kicked out of the Union.

Sometimes I do wish someone would give us all a good kick.

I'm sorry I behaved intolerably and that I refused to communicate with you the other night. I think your countrymen are good people, and I also think I may be going insane.

I've been thinking a lot about this, Miaundea, and I sincerely don't understand why you're upset. I don't think our opinions on this subject are as different as you seem to think they are. The only difference between the Isolationists and Fleet supporters on this issue is that Fleet supporters are less insulated than the Isolationists (naturally) and therefore enter into and see interracial marriages occasionally. Very occasionally.

Braysel's observation surprised Miaundea. He really had led a sheltered life. If she told him that it wasn't uncommon in Shalaun to see marriages between native Novaunians and young people from Dinevlea, Bristaun, and Jeltar he probably wouldn't believe her. Do you think interracial marriage is a sin?

No, and I don't know anyone else who does either. But I do think it's unwise, and even downright risky. Tell me you disagree.

Actually, you're right. I don't completely disagree.

From a Novaunian man's point of view, in fact, it would be an extremely stupid move.

Why is that?

Because by law, the wife and her family are responsible for the primary nurturing of any children that come from the union.

Miaundea felt silly. I hadn't thought of that.

Of course you hadn't. You're not a man! Trust me on this one. Novaunian men are as careful in their choice of wives as Novaunian women are in their choice of husbands, and I know from my own experience how careful women are.

So in your opinion, the heritage issue is more important than the lifespan one.

Absolutely, but the lifespan factor is huge. I don't want to marry a woman I'll outlive by decades or maybe even a century. Such a course would limit the number of children I would have and shorten their lives.

It seems to me that people who truly believe in eternal marriage and family should not be so concerned about a few decades in this mortal life.

That's an easy thing to think when you're young, before the consequences of such a choice take their toll. The thought of contracting a marriage like that repels me.

Have you ever been attracted to a woman of another race?

Attraction and marriage aren't necessarily the same thing, but no. I never have.

Did he think she was bizarre for at one time being so attracted to Ton? Miaundea couldn't stop herself from communicating, So you have no comprehension whatsoever how I could've been attracted to Ton.

That's not entirely true. I know him and I know you, and I have some idea of what attracted the two of you to each other.

But you think it would have been "unwise" for me to marry him had it ever come to that.

Yes, and so do you!

That much is true, Miaundea admitted. Oddly, she didn't find herself growing angry. Braysel was the way he was and his pacifist countrymen were the way they were, and she could do nothing but accept it. She was, however, intensely curious. We're discussing a real person here, Bray. A person with feelings and a right to happiness. He's one Earthon among millions of Novaunians. If he can't marry a Novaunian woman, then whom should he marry?

He should leave. He wants to anyway.

Miaundea thought about how Ton had double-crossed Sanel King. What if he can't leave? What if my father thinks it's too dangerous and won't let him? Besides that, you haven't seen him in half a year. What if he wants to stay?

Then he should go to one of the interracial planets in the Union like Dinevlea.

Braysel had no idea how close to the mark he really was. Ton would probably marry Ausha, just the sort of woman Braysel felt was appropriate for him to marry, but there was so much Braysel hadn't considered. What if he can't even do that? My parents believe that Ton will marry Ausha Ferudant, the Dinevlean woman you met at their home--

Then why are we discussing this? It doesn't seem to be an issue.

It is an issue, Bray. You have a pure-blooded Earthon man marrying a woman who is part Novaunian and part Gudynean and who knows what else. What if they decide to live on Novaun? Legally, there's nothing to stop them--Ausha is a Novaunian citizen! Ton may be too, soon. They will have children, children who will be a mixture of at least three different races.

Miaundea thought about Ton and his black eyes and the dark, olive cast to his skin and how no one would ever mistake him for a racial Novaunian. She also thought about Ausha and the way her brown eyes pointed upward at the corners, a distinct Gudynean feature, and how the bone structure of her face was so different from that of the average person of Novaunian race. Racially, those children will be only a fraction Novaunian, and they won't even look Novaunian. Who are they supposed to marry?

They can go back to Dinevlea and find mates.

Why? Because Dinevleans are an inferior race and therefore acceptable?

No, not inferior, just mixed.

So Dinevlea, Jeltar, and Bristaun now become the dumping ground for all racially mixed Novaunians? I can't believe you, Bray!

"Dumping ground" is too harsh, Miaundea.

That's what you're advocating!

No it isn't. What's so wrong about a Dinevlean woman and her children living on Dinevlea or marrying other Dinevleans?

But you don't think it's wrong for her to marry an Earthon man, even though she will outlive him by at least half a century.

I can't imagine a Novaunian woman from any planet marrying Ton, even if he was destined to live two hundred years!

He's changed, Bray, and my father says he plans to join the Order.

Now that's an interesting development. Do really think Ausha will marry him?

I don't know her well enough to speculate. My parents think she will, though, and are hoping for it, and it's obvious he loves her.

Your parents are hoping for it? Really? Braysel's tone of thought was one of shock.

Yes, they are. Very much. They think Ton needs a wife and that Ausha's perfect for him.

Braysel didn't respond for so long that Miaundea was afraid he might have withdrawn from the conversation completely. Bray? Are you still there?

Yes, angel, of course.

What's the matter?

No one I've ever known would so want a Novaunian woman to marry a man like Ton. Are your parents typical Tavoneans? Or are they as unconventional as I'm beginning to think they are?

Miaundea laughed. I imagine all of Ton and Ausha's friends and colleagues will be happy about a marriage between them, so in that regard, my parents are typical. What makes them unconventional is their approval of my betrothal to you!

Chapter 8: DIFFICULT QUESTIONS

Ton's days passed with work, an interview with President Blorsten, study of religious doctrine, and more study of Earth history in preparation for Day of Ancestors. First Day afternoon at the Quautars' home for lunch, a week following Ton's decision to join the Order, Ton found a minute to communicate with Sharad privately on the deck. Did you learn anything from Daniel Stewart?

Not much.

Not much? Ton leaned against the rail and folded his arms. Then you must have learned something.

I don't think it would interest you. Sharad shook his head as if the possibility were inconceivable.

What! Ton demanded.

Sharad smirked. I learned that the man's name is Carl Landis and that the Divine Emperor or someone else does have control of a cell in his brain.

Then it wasn't really Daniel Stewart.

Sharad took a bite of one of the cookies he was holding. Not unless Daniel Stewart was really Carl Landis.

What else did he tell you?

That King's plan was exactly what I thought it was, at least in part.

Panic rose within Ton. You mean he really was planning to have me shot at his trial?

Yes. King sent Landis here to torture you and to shoot you at the trial. He gave me all the details about how this was to be accomplished, and he also told me that he was not supposed to actually kill you, just hurt you badly enough that you would almost die. Apparently the plan was to shoot you indirectly in the head at low power.

An indirect shot? And just what is indirect?

To the ear or cheek instead of the forehead or temple. Sharad formed a pistol with his finger and thumb and pressed it against Ton's head.

Ton stepped from Sharad slightly, unnerved. And that wasn't supposed to kill me?

No, not on low power. But it probably would have put you in the hospital for a month.

And I almost agreed to do it?

You aren't going to do it. Sharad offered him a cookie.

Ton waved the cookie away. Why in the galaxy wasn't he supposed to kill me?

Because there were two major parts to King's plan. By having you shot at his trial, he not only tortures you, he laughs at Novaun for protecting you. He obviously wants to actually kill you in some other way.

Ton wondered what could be worse than being shot in the head. Did this Landis guy tell you how?

No, and I didn't think he would. King didn't tell him the second part of the plan.

So there definitely is another agent.

Yes. The other agent is the one who manipulated Deia's mind in Launarda. Landis is the agent who followed you to Mautysia and sent a holodisc of your day there to an Earthon agent on some other planet. Sharad popped the last bit of cookie into his mouth.

Following me to Mautysia and sending a holodisc off the planet seem like careless things to do. Why wasn't he worried about getting caught?

Sharad brushed cookie crumbs off his half-vest. Because he was counting on getting caught.

I can't handle this.

Sharad grinned. Just think of it as a game.

It isn't a game!

Oh, but it is. While we're trying to outguess and maneuver King, he's trying to outguess and maneuver us. King obviously suspected you would confide in us and that we would protect you. He also assumed we would try to get you off the planet by faking your death. He knows he will go to trial, and he knows we know he will go to trial. He sees an opportunity to humiliate Novaun and in the process give us an opportunity to fake your death. He sent Landis here, knowing we would probably find him and put him under surveillance and yet still allow him into the courtroom with a weapon so that we could fake your death. We've been playing into King's hands while he's been playing into ours. But none of this really matters.

Which means that King's second plan is the plan.

Exactly. What we need to do now is find the other agent.

How did Landis get on the planet?

He came in a coffin that originally belonged to a Fleet sergeant who died in the Senlana campaign.

The next morning Ton went to Counselor Brunel's office for his scheduled session. After Ton told her about his plan to join the Order and gave her the new information he had learned about his father, the counselor asked, How long have you lived on Novaun, Ton?

Almost a year.

Have you considered the possibility of eventually getting married?

Ton stared at her, baffled. Get married? Me?

Yes, get married.

I don't intend to ever get married.

So you intend to remain celibate.

Well . . . no.

Then it seems to me you have a problem.

The counselor's observation troubled Ton. He planned to remain on Novaun and join the Order, but as long as he did, a physical relationship with a woman was impossible unless he took a wife. How could he believe in the Novaunian religion and not believe in marriage? How could his desires be so conflicting? What did he really want?

Those placid green eyes studied his face. What is it about marriage, Ton, that you so dislike?

Ton had no difficulty answering that question. I would get bored being with the same person all the time. I don't want a woman to control me, and I'm not about to give a woman that kind of opportunity to betray me.

A woman doesn't need to be married to you to betray you.

Ton considered the counselor's observation and realized she was right. Miaundea had betrayed him, and she had not been his wife. As much as Miaundea had hurt him, however, he couldn't begin to fathom how much more hurt he would have been had she been his wife and he had discovered she was sleeping with Braysel or any other man. Marriage is different, Ton finally replied. It's supposed to be forever.

And you don't think you could be with one woman forever and not get bored?

No.

You spend a great deal of time with Ausha. In fact, you and Ausha spend more time together than most married couples I know. Do you ever get bored with her?

No.

Why not?

Ton frowned. Why didn't he get bored with Ausha? It was a valid question he had never asked himself. I don't know. She's an interesting person, and she's comfortable to be with and fun. But it isn't just that. Sometimes we don't do or communicate anything, but I still need to be with her, I guess because I need to feel her support and affection. I could never be bored with Ausha.

Do you trust her?

If I can't trust my partner, I'm in trouble and so are my patients.

Forget about work for a minute. Do you trust her in life? Would she ever lie to you or betray a confidence?

Ton shook his head. Never. I trust Ausha completely.

Once Ausha gets married, do you think she will ever try to control her husband or leave him?

Ton couldn't answer. He felt uneasy discussing the subject of Ausha getting married.

Why does that question make you uncomfortable?

Ton couldn't help but feel irritated. Sometimes he wished the counselor weren't so empathic, and more than anything, he didn't want to discuss marriage.

The counselor smiled knowingly. It's my job to ask you difficult questions.

Ton sighed. I don't want Ausha to get married--ever.

Why? Don't you think she would like to be married?

Ton couldn't lie to himself or to the counselor. Because if she gets married, she won't want to spend as much time with me as she does now.

Does it bother you when she goes on engagements?

She doesn't go on engagements.

Doesn't that seem odd?

No. This idiot named Andrel asked her to marry him several months ago, and she's been very careful since. She hasn't met anyone recently she wants to go on an engagement with.

Has it ever occurred to you that she may be turning down invitations because she wants to be with you instead of someone else?

I would like to think that's the reason, Ton admitted.

You don't want Ausha to get married, but how do you think Ausha will feel when you find a woman you want as a lover and companion?

The counselor's question upset Ton so much that he couldn't answer.

A minute passed, and Counselor Brunel communicated, What disturbs you, Ton?

Ton couldn't deny what he felt, as perplexing as those feelings were. I don't want to be with anyone but Ausha.

You don't want to have a lover?

Ton communicated in despair, I want Ausha to be my lover. He shook his head. But it could never happen. We don't excite each other.

How could you possibly want Ausha to be your lover if she doesn't excite you?

I don't know. But I do.

Perhaps you are attracted to her but have a moral objection to making her your lover that is stronger than the attraction.

Ton considered the counselor's suggestion. I don't know. I never had any kind of moral objection to making love to Miaundea.

A psychological objection then.

Ton wasn't sure he understood. Ausha thinks I'm afraid that becoming lovers would change our close friendship and make it something shallow and ugly. Is that what you mean by a psychological objection?

Exactly. Is she right? Do you think being intimate with her would undermine your friendship?

Undermine it? It would destroy it!

Why?

Because we wouldn't be able to respect each other anymore.

Why?

She could never respect me because she would perceive me as someone with no morals or self-control, and I could never respect her because she would be no different from any of the other women I've been with.

Women with no morals or self-control?

Ton nodded slowly.

Do you think you would have lost respect for Miaundea if she had agreed to be intimate with you?

I'm not sure. A person can't lose respect for someone if he doesn't have it already, and I never had complete respect for Miaundea.

Why?

Because of her haughty attitude.

But you do have complete respect for Ausha.

Yes.

Why?

I don't know for sure. I just do. She has never done anything that would cause me to lose respect for her, personally or professionally.

If you could name one thing about Ausha that makes her different from all the other women you've ever known, what would it be?

Ton stroked his mustache as he pondered. Finally he replied, She sincerely considers me her equal. She asks for my opinions on things; she believes I'm personally and professionally capable; she trusts me and thinks highly enough of me to confide in me; and she needs me as much as I need her, in work and in life. I don't know how else to explain it.

Ton reflected for several moments. It's really strange, because there's no way I could have known all of those things when I met her, but I understood her attitude right away, and I knew that I wanted her respect. I knew before we even communicated that she was different.

But she must have known before she met you that she would have to treat you as an equal if the two of you were to develop a productive partnership.

That's true, but it was more than that. It wasn't that she felt forced. It had never occurred to her that I would be anything but an equal.

How do you know?

It was the way she looked at me. This new revelation excited Ton. He had been so disturbed by that look at the time and had wondered what it meant. Now he knew. When I met her, I thought she was utterly gorgeous, and my first thought was that I wanted to make love to her. She knew it, too. But the way she looked at me was so strange. She wasn't embarrassed or scornful or even naïve. Nor was she accepting or teasing or worshipful. Just appreciative, nothing more and nothing less.

The counselor smiled. She was flattered by your interest.

Ton nodded, feeling pleased. I think maybe she was. She respected me too much even then to tease me or to show disdain or disgust, and yet she couldn't give me any kind of approval. She reacted in the only way she could. That was it, though. It was that look that established respect and set the limits.

So there was a moment when you first saw Ausha that you were very attracted to her.

Ton nodded. Yes.

It isn't her you object to then, and it never has been. It's the thought of an exploitative, sordid affair with her that repels you.

I can't imagine having any kind of affair with her!

If you and Ausha were to begin feeling a mutual physical attraction, would you consider marrying her?

Marry Ausha? Share his life and his bed with her forever? It was a possibility that had never even occurred to Ton, yet he couldn't comprehend living without her. Unbelievably, he wasn't uncomfortable with the thought of making love to her if he could have her forever, but something about the thought of marrying her still made him feel uneasy. I don't know.

She would excite you and at the same time never bore or betray you. Why don't you know?

I'm not sure I would want to take the chance that I might do something despicable.

Despicable?

That I might strike her or be unfaithful to her.

So you doubt your own ability to make a marriage work.

Ton nodded weakly.

Counselor Brunel gazed at him perceptively. The problem then is with you, not the institution of marriage.

Ton averted his eyes, feeling more uncomfortable than ever.

How many hours during the last year have you spent with Ausha?

I don't know. Thousands.

Does she ever make you angry?

Sometimes.

Have you ever struck her?

No.

Why not?

Because it would be wrong and I don't want to hurt her. Besides, she would never let me get away with it.

You and Ausha have found positive ways to deal with disagreement and anger. What makes you think marriage would change that aspect of your relationship?

Ton tapped his fingers on the armrest of his chair. The counselor had a point. Perhaps it wouldn't.

And why does the thought of being unfaithful to her disturb you so much when our discussion of a companion other than her disturbs you even more? Ton, she isn't your lover, nor is she in any way legally bound to you, and yet you can't even be unfaithful to her in your mind!

Ton could think of nothing to reply. He was completely perplexed.

The counselor leaned toward Ton and squeezed his arm. A successful marriage isn't just a legal commitment. It's a commitment of the heart and the mind. It's sharing and companionship, an intimate partnership. You've already committed a huge part of yourself to Ausha. Maybe it's time you search within yourself and try to find out why.

Ton nodded. He left Counselor Brunel that morning, confused. The idea of marrying Ausha pleased him in many ways, but he couldn't give it any serious consideration. She was going to Dinevlea in seven months to work for her father, and Ton was staying on Novaun. Ton wasn't certain he would even be alive in seven months. His dangerous situation made the issue of marriage complex enough, but there were other important issues that complicated it even more--children, dijauntu, and more importantly, Ausha's feelings for him. He strode across the walk to the Clinic of Neuromedicine, feeling apprehensive and a little depressed.

Ton went to his office and briefly studied two new cases, then went to the lounge to meet Dr. Hovaus and Ausha for lunch and conference. Ausha arrived shortly after he did, fresh and cheerful.

She affectionately squeezed his shoulder and sat down next to him. It must have been quite a session today. You look exhausted.

Ton shrugged and nodded slightly, uncomfortably aware of her passionate dark eyes, full voluptuous lips, and soft curvaceous shape. He wanted to reach out and touch those lips, but he didn't dare. He realized in resignation that he would never be able to look at her in the same sexless way again.

Ton forced himself to smile. Did you bring me a curnad?

Ausha reached into her lunch bag, pulled out two pieces of fruit with fuzzy pale yellow skin, and handed one of them to Ton.

Dr. Hovaus arrived a few minutes later, and Ton was forced to concentrate on his work until after he saw his last patient late that afternoon.

Chapter 9: A RATIONAL PASSION

Ton walked with Ausha to the Pavilion for dinner after work late that afternoon, their spirits slightly overlapping as they always did outside of work, even when they weren't communicating telepathically. He still felt confused about a lot of things, but he couldn't be depressed. Her spiritual touches elated him in a way they never had before, and his happiness stirred her to greater animation. Ausha enthusiastically recounted portions of the lecture he had missed that morning, humorously mimicking the professor who had given the lecture, and Ton laughed and laughed.

They arrived at the Pavilion several minutes later. They sat down next to each other at their regular table, across from Bryaun and his partner, and ordered. As they waited for their food, Ton grew increasingly more tantalized by the thought of marrying Ausha. He couldn't bear the memories of all the desolate years he had lived before she had come into his life, nor could he bear thoughts of how empty and forlorn his life would be without her.

He remembered all those evenings they had parted at her door in loneliness, wanting to remain together but knowing they had to make time for sleep. What would it be like to always go home in the evening with Ausha? To a home that wasn't just his, but theirs together? To a bed that wasn't just his, but theirs together? He would awake in the morning and always have her there with him. His heart throbbed with excitement.

Ton and Ausha's food arrived and so did several more people they knew, including Tauna. Everyone laughed and joked and ate, and Ton's excitement increased, along with his curiosity. Could Ausha ever feel passion for him? As he finished his meal, he thought back to the time when he had asked Ausha if she had ever thought about the possibility of their being lovers.

Do you . . . think I'm . . . attractive?

Her smile had been radiant. Yes, very.

Then how could it not have occurred to you?

I don't know. I guess it just never seemed to be an issue. I don't ever intend to be intimate with a man who isn't my husband, and between your thinking I'm as exciting as a crushed frontal lobe, and your very resolute claims that you never intend to get married, and your not being of my religion, I figure the odds of the question ever arising are at least ten thousand to one. I guess it just isn't in my nature to want something I know I can never have.

Ton realized that every one of Ausha's reasons for not being interested in him in a physical way had been based on his feelings and personal situation, not hers, and he suddenly felt overwhelmed by hope. How would she feel if he started showing an interest in making their relationship a romantic one? He had no legitimate reason to expect her reaction to be negative.

Ton had a number of plausible reasons to maintain restraint, but none of them could overcome his curiosity or his desire to be with Ausha forever. Before he realized what he was doing, he rested his hand on hers under the table, his fingers hot and trembling.

He sat paralyzed for two unbearable seconds, wondering what she would do. She turned her hand and gently traced his fingers and the lines on his palm, moving her arm to a comfortable position under his. He could feel a flicker of anticipation in her, but she didn't look at him or smile or communicate puzzlement or surprise-- nothing. It was as if she didn't realize they were holding hands.

Ton was thrilled she was holding his hand, but he was perplexed that she didn't realize it. His relationship with Ausha outside of work was demonstrative, but fondling hands under the table was more of a romantic thing and not something they had ever done. How could she not know something was different? How could she not feel the excitement in him? It wasn't like Ausha to respond only with her emotions and not her mind.

Finally, after many minutes, Ton understood. Ausha didn't notice they were holding hands because she instinctively felt this form of expressing affection was as natural as any of the other forms of expression they used. What did it mean? Did she think caressing hands under the table was a mere expression of friendship? Or did she think, as he did, that holding hands was a prelude to a more passionate union? If so, did that mean she felt a romantic relationship between them would be as natural as their friendship? Could a woman as rational as Ausha make a transition from friendship to passion with so little thought and effort? Perhaps Ausha was so rational that she was capable of feeling passion for a man only after a long friendship, or maybe the emotion she felt for him was already deeper than friendship. How would he know? Was he going to have to be bold and kiss her on the lips?

At least five minutes passed, and Ausha's fingers began moving up and down Ton's arm in long, savoring strokes. He could feel the anticipation rise in her as their spirits touched, and his cheeks grew warm.

He sat there in exhilaration. Her feelings for him were definitely more intense than friendship. He thought he should be shocked, but he wasn't. Being with Ausha in this way felt too natural and right. He communicated nothing to anybody, wanting only to enjoy these new sensations.

Ausha pressed closer to him, and Ton responded by caressing her knee as well as her hand, her skin smooth and soft under his fingers. Her rapture stabbed through them both, and Ton thought he would die of excitement.

This dual passion flaming between their spirits was a sensation unlike anything he had ever experienced, and Ton felt as if he were the one being seduced. Being seduced by a Novaunian woman and her telepathic pleasures! What irony! What supreme, blissful irony! How much more intense would the flame be when they kissed? When they made love? He finally understood why the Novaunians' desire for the dijauntu was so strong, and he longed to experience that incomprehensible level of ecstasy with Ausha. He had indeed found paradise.

Finally, she noticed. He felt her shoulder move behind his as she turned abruptly to look at him. She gazed at him in question, her cheeks flushed. He suddenly felt foolish, half expecting her to be furious at him. Everything had happened so fast. Her expression of question melted into one of pleasure, and the corners of her mouth curved up a little, as if she wanted to laugh. Then she glanced at Bryaun and Tauna and each of the other five people who where communicating animatedly around the table, as if trying to reassure herself that no one had noticed. No one had.

Ausha stood up, casually drawing Ton up with her. Her manner was as friendly and as affectionate as usual, but her emotions were convulsing in an unrelenting urge to hold him. Ton felt a rush of anticipation.

What are you two doing tonight? Bryaun asked.

Ton and Ausha looked at each other, neither knowing what to tell him. A moment later Ton replied, We're taking Anenka for a walk.

We'll see you all later! Ausha pulled Ton away from the table before anyone had time to follow them or make other suggestions for the evening.

Ton's mind worked quickly as he and Ausha wound their way around the tables of the Pavilion toward the stairs that led to the sidewalk, trying to determine a way he could be with her alone in a private place very quickly. There were too many people on the walk, and it was still too light to find an isolated doorway or park bench somewhere. Even so, they were too near the Academy. No matter which direction they chose to walk, they were likely to encounter someone they knew and be forced to stop and communicate for a while. More than anything, he didn't want to walk back to the clinic where his car was parked and meet up with any of the other physicians or medical specialists who worked there. After a minute of consideration, Ton did the only thing that came to his mind. He telepathically hailed a taxi.

Ton and Ausha telepathically authorized their banks to pay the restaurant, then stepped lightly down the shallow stairs that wound through the tropical garden to the street. They stood at the foot of the stairs for a moment in the soft glow of the early evening sun. Ton gingerly touched Ausha's lips with his finger. She smiled at him lovingly, her lips parting slightly and coming together again on his fingertip in a tiny kiss.

An aircar slid to a stop in front of them. Ton's fingers grazed Ausha's cheek and neck as they moved to her back and pushed her gently toward the taxi. She slipped into the aircar, her eyes huge with eagerness and delight. She took his hands and drew him close as he slid into the seat next to her, and the taxi lifted into the air.

Ausha stroked Ton's face and hair, gazing at him adoringly. Give me your diagnosis, Dr. Luciani. Is this gut animal passion?

Oh no, Dr. Ferudant, Ton replied with a shake of his head, his hand trembling as he ran it up her back and into her hair to remove the onyx comb. The comb fell to the seat, and her hair fell to her shoulders. Gut animal passion doesn't even come close to comparing to this.

Ausha snuggled closer to Ton. How did it happen? One minute I was communicating with Launi and Dane, then the next minute I was dying for you. I don't understand.

I'm not sure I do either. All I did was hold your hand.

Ausha was more curious than ever. Why did you hold my hand?

Ton pounded the top of her head gently with his fist. Why do you have to analyze everything? Why can't you just enjoy yourself?

Ausha smiled and kissed the inside of his arm. I am enjoying myself.

Ton hesitated. These feelings . . . they don't disturb you?

No, of course not. Do I feel disturbed? Now who's doing the analyzing!

There's something strange in you I can't define.

Maybe it's just that I'm amazed. I never thought there could ever be such passion between us. I never dared want it; I never even dared think it. But it feels so comfortable and right. I can't be disturbed. I can't even be surprised.

Ton rested his fingers on Ausha's jaw. You're so beautiful, Ausha. You're just so beautiful. He finally understood what he was feeling and why Ausha had always been different and precious, why he had always wanted more from her than a mere affair. He reverently caressed her cheek. I love you. I think I've always loved you. You mean more to me than anything in this universe.

Ausha's face glowed with happiness. I love you too, Ton. They reached deeper into each other's spirits. Their lips touched together in a caress and clung, then parted slightly and came together again longingly.

"Ahhhh . . . Ton, you feel so nice," Ausha gasped between kisses, clasping him close. You feel so, so nice . . .!

Ausha's vehemence thrilled Ton. She poured her whole essence into every kiss, and Ton could feel that she wasn't driven to such energetic demonstrations by an urge to satisfy a physical craving, but by a need to express emotion too intense to contain. Ton had never been the recipient of such uninhibited passion, nor had he ever felt so valued.

Ton had never imagined mere kissing could be so pleasurable, or that he could ever be in such control of himself. As intense as his feelings were for Ausha, he was careful not to kiss her too intimately or touch her in a way that would offend her, and he felt gratified that he could physically enjoy a woman without feeling that insatiable urge to immediately make love. There would be time for that later, or at least he hoped there would be. He wanted more than ever to marry her, to be her lover forever.

How would he accomplish it though? He had her love, but there was so much about him she didn't know, and he suddenly felt guilty.

Ausha's puzzlement surged through them both. What's wrong?

Ton pressed his cheek against hers and squeezed her tightly, the fingers of one hand still in her hair. I'm being very unfair to you. There are too many things you don't know about me.

Then maybe there are things you'd better tell me.

Ton pulled away enough so that he could look at her and nodded slowly. There are things I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but I couldn't.

You mean, like you won't be going to Dinevlea to work for my father?

Ton looked at her in surprise.

Ausha smoothed his mustache with her finger. I didn't want to believe that you wouldn't be able to work for my father, and I kept telling myself that you would find a way to go to Dinevlea with me. Deep down, though, I've known for a while that it wouldn't happen. Dinevlea isn't safe for you, is it?

Ton was more surprised than ever. How did you know?

Because it would be an excellent position, perfect for your interests and skills, an opportunity of a lifetime. You like living in Shalaun, but you've lived in too many places to be too attached to it. You'd be a fool not to at least communicate with my father. Either you have a better opportunity somewhere else, which you would have already told me about, or Dinevlea isn't safe.

Ton nodded slowly. If I could go anywhere, Ausha, I'd go to Dinevlea and work with you and your father. I already discussed it with Colonel Quautar, and he told me no. He told me I can never go there, not even to visit. Everything in my life is uncertain right now. Sanel King has spies here who are doing their best to torture me and who will try to kill me.

Ausha couldn't repress a spasm of terror.

Ton brushed her hair away from her face. Now you see? That's one of the reasons I couldn't tell you anything before. I knew you would worry.

I worry because I care about you. She kissed him gently.

I know. Ton cradled her face in his hands. Please don't be afraid, Ausha. I need your courage, not your fear.

Ausha nodded weakly. Colonel Quautar won't let anyone kill you . . . will he?

He's doing his best to protect me, but the situation is very complex.

Ton communicated nothing more as the taxi slid to a stop at Trasyna Point Park, and Ausha asked nothing. Ton reached behind Ausha to pick up the onyx comb, then took her hand and gently pulled her out of the taxi with him. Ausha took the comb from Ton and dropped it into her lunch bag and out of the way. His arm found her shoulders and her arm found his waist, and they started slowly through the park to the marble path that skirted the bay shore and would take them to Trasyna Point.

You have to understand, Ton finally communicated. None of it happened the way it seemed. That's why it's only me King wants and not Paul or Deia or Teren. On the Sovereign of the Stars, there was this Department of Internal Investigation agent named Daniel Stewart. He approached me two weeks before the Sovereign put into port at Earth and told me he had a way I could make three hundred and fifty thousand dollars and acquire a research position on Erdean.

I was extremely skeptical, but I acted interested. He told me all about Teren and Deia and Paul and explained that my job would be to manipulate them into each other's favor and into King's trap. I would telepathically give Stewart the spirit dimension formula in the armed shuttle, and he and his agents would use my mind as a channel through which they would kill Teren. The proposition tantalized me. Outwitting a foreign agent sounded like supreme fun, but outwitting the D.I.I. and Sanel King himself was the opportunity of a lifetime. I couldn't refuse.

Ausha stopped and stared at him in astounded realization. You double-crossed them!

Ton nodded triumphantly. It was so perfect, so ridiculously perfect. I couldn't accept the job and kill this boy agent, of course. That would have gone against every human feeling in me. But I could accept it and ruin King's plans. All I had to do was go with Teren when the time came. There was no way King or Stewart could know my true plan until it was too late. It was absolutely perfect!

I just can't believe it, Ausha communicated as they began walking again. It was you who ruined King, not Teren. No wonder he wants you dead. You know, if you weren't in so much danger, it would be hilarious! She couldn't restrain herself from laughing, but laughing made her feel guilty.

Ton chuckled. Don't feel bad for laughing! It is hilarious. I laughed inside for months and months. I still want to laugh sometimes when I think about it.

You have to tell me everything, Ton. Everything you thought, everything you felt. I want to know everything!

They walked along the shore, and Ton let her telepathically see and feel everything. He started with his meeting with Stewart, then progressed to his separate meetings with Paul, then Teren, then finally Deia. He showed her all the conversations he had had with the three, let her feel his thoughts as he had made his manipulative plans, showed her the conversations he had had with Daniel Stewart, and finally showed her the conversation he had had with King. Ausha assimilated it all, captivated.

Ton let Ausha experience the escape from the Sovereign, the triumph he had felt for outwitting King and Stewart, and the ecstasy of the spirit dimension formula, just as he had felt it.

It was living energy--life. It flowed around us and through us. Feeling that was worth any sacrifice. Even knowing what I know now, I would do it again in a minute.

They sat down on a marble bench at one side of Trasyna Point and looked out over the bay and the darkening sky, still communicating intently. Ton told her about his arrival on Novaun, his excitement, his triumph, and his meeting with Colonel Quautar.

I knew right away that this man was shrewd. He was too perceptive and he made me very uncomfortable, but I liked him.

Ton telepathically showed Ausha his entire first interview with Colonel Quautar, and when he was done, she asked him in puzzlement, Why did you lie? Why didn't you just tell him that you had double-crossed King?

Because I was afraid he wouldn't believe me and would think I was a spy. Ton wound one of Ausha's curls around his finger.

You certainly were paranoid!

I had good reason to be paranoid. My reasons for coming to Novaun were too improbable not to arouse suspicion.

So did he ever think you were a spy?

I'm sure he considered the possibility, but he knew I had been the Sovereign plant before I left Dignitary Island. I didn't know he knew it though. It wasn't until the day I went with Bray to Mautysia that I told the colonel my problem. He had known all along.

Ausha couldn't believe it. You waited nearly half a year?

You have to understand. Up until that time, I was more afraid of Colonel Quautar than I was of King. I was certain Colonel Quautar would think I was a spy and would banish me from the planet if he learned the truth, and I believed that the one place King could never get to me was on Novaun. It wasn't until the night of Teren and Deia's wedding that I realized King had an agent here. When I went back to my room at the Doshyr mansion that night, there was a strange odor, an Erdean perfume called Froquenza mixed with osalaem smoke. I found a taffuao stub in the bathroom sink.

Ausha's emotions were charged with horror. Did Colonel Quautar find the spy?

Yes and no. I'll get to that. I was terrified, to say the least. I wanted to put as much distance as I could between myself and the spy, so I took the first flight out of Jastray that morning. The week that followed was the worst of my life. I knew King wanted me dead, and I thought Colonel Quautar would think the spy in my room that night was working with me. I couldn't figure out why the Divine Emperor didn't just give King to the Novaunians, and I had nightmares every night about dying. I was always with Miaundea, and I was always shot in the back. Sometimes it was Miaundea who shot me, other times it was a shadowy figure I couldn't discern. It was horrible.

Ausha kissed Ton's cheek. That was why you were so despairing and so terrified that day in the office.

Ton rested his forehead against hers, deeply inhaling the earthy scent of her hair. I didn't want to tell you anything that day. I had never confided in anyone before, not like that, but you were so gentle and understanding and sad, and you seemed to need to communicate as much as I did. It all kind of melted out of me, and I did feel a little better afterward. Then two days after that, I went to Mautysia. After I got back to Shalaun, Colonel Quautar summoned me to his home office and berated me until I was sure I'd go into shock.

He telepathically gave her the entire interview, then went on to tell her about seeing a man who looked like Daniel Stewart, about the seemingly non-existence female spy in Launarda, about the Earth broadcast that had been planted on the medical history disc Ausha had given him for his birthday, and about the way he had learned that Deia had been the woman in his room that night in Launarda.

Ausha already knew, as everyone else did, that King controlled a cell in Deia's brain, but she was astounded to learn that Deia had been the spy in Ton's room. I can't understand how Teren couldn't have immediately been suspicious. He had to have known something was strange.

Not necessarily. Whoever telepathically persuaded Deia to enter my room that night put a block on her memory, or suggested she forget what she had done. Deia and Teren hadn't been married much more than a month when Colonel Quautar discovered the controlled cell. Would dijauntu immediately penetrate such a deep memory? And such an obscure one?

Probably not, but that's not what I mean. Osalaem has a distinctive odor. Wouldn't Teren have smelled it on her?

Teren told me that after they left the party, he waited thirty minutes for her in the lounge downstairs while she went to shower and change her clothes.

Ausha pulled away a little, nodding thoughtfully. I guess washing and changing would've taken care of that smell, and she probably didn't actually smoke the taffuao. Ausha gazed at the bay, which was sparkling under the stars, and shook her head. Something still isn't right about the whole thing. Someone had to have smelled the osalaem on the dress. Who had the dress cleaned? Didn't Teren and Deia leave Launarda immediately for their wedding trip?

Ton slid his fingers into her hair and caressed the back of her head. There are laundry facilities there at the mansion. Colonel Quautar believes Deia herself put her dress in the machine to be cleaned.

Does she have any idea at all who it is that controls a cell in her brain?

She's convinced it's King. She even claims to remember when it happened.

But that's impossible. He certainly isn't on Novaun.

Theoretically it's impossible. But King could have developed a way to let an agent tap into the bond.

Ausha shook her head in pity. Poor Deia.

The worst thing about it is that none of us can tell her anything. She can't leave her home, except on rare occasions and under guard, and all she knows is that someone controls a cell in her brain and has tried to manipulate the bond. It's been hard on Teren too. Ton sighed. I feel awful sometimes, because I know that it's only because of me that she's confined.

Ausha reached for Ton's free hand and squeezed. If Deia knew your danger, she would continue to do what she's doing now with no hesitation and no regrets. Does Teren know that you were the plant on the Sovereign?

Ton nodded, lifting the back of her hand to his lips. I never wanted him to know, but Colonel Quautar had to tell him. It was difficult for him at first and very awkward for me. We discussed it not long after he found out. Ironically enough, it's made us better friends. He understands me better, and I don't feel like I'm hiding something from him.

Ton went on to show Ausha all of the conversations he had had with Colonel Quautar over the past four months, how the colonel had decided that King's plan was to kill him at King's trial and in the process humiliate Novaun, and how the colonel had planned to fake his death to get him off the planet safely.

You don't really have to go through with it, do you? Ausha demanded in panic. You could just as easily be killed in that courtroom as escape. I know you can't go to Dinevlea, but can't you stay here? Please, Ton. Please stay here.

Ton's arm tightened around her. Oh no, no no no . . . Colonel Quautar and I decided at first that I would leave Novaun under the guise of death, but that isn't what I'm going to do. He told me I can remain on Novaun. He's already submitted my applications for citizenship and a new family organization in my name, and he also had the Daniel Stewart look-alike arrested.

He showed her his discussions with Colonel Quautar on the subject, but Ausha was not completely relieved. Does Colonel Quautar have any idea at all who the second spy might be?

If he does, he's not telling me. It's only a matter of time before the spy reveals himself. All I can do is wait.

Ton slowly moved his hand to Ausha's cheek. He thought for a moment that he should ask her if she could still love him, but he already knew the answer. Her spirit clung to his with emotion as intense as his, and her fingers caressed his arms and waist possessively. In giving her his secret, he had given her himself. There was virtually nothing now about him she didn't know. Instead of rejecting him, she drew him deep into her heart, sealing the bond between them.

Their lips came together trembling. Ausha twisted her body and lifted herself slightly on her knees so that she could press closer, and Ton eagerly pulled her into his lap, his spirit gushing around her with all the love he felt.

Ausha gingerly stroked Ton's hair away from his forehead. I love you, Dr. Luciani.

Ton smiled. I love you too, Dr. Ferudant.

I'm still amazed, Ton. I can't believe this is real. I still want to know why you held my hand.

Ton hesitated. How could he tell her what his feelings had been in the Pavilion without discussing marriage? He had no doubt he wanted to marry Ausha, but he couldn't propose to her yet. Although he felt confident in her love and knew that she was just as likely to accept him as refuse him, he also knew that there was no way she could be certain about anything yet. He wanted to give her plenty of time to ponder his situation and decide what she could and couldn't live with. Still, he couldn't hide anything from her, and perhaps it was better that she understood how serious his intentions were.

It all started this morning when I went to see Counselor Brunel. I told her what I had learned about my father and that I was planning to join the Order. After that, she asked me if I had ever considered the possibility of getting married. Ton shrugged slightly. Of course I told her no.

Ausha gazed at him knowingly. And she probably then asked you if you plan to remain celibate for the rest of your life.

Ton nodded. That's exactly what she asked.

Ausha chuckled. Marriage and celibacy--what nightmarish topics. It's no wonder you came to lunch today exhausted!

Ton nodded again, grimacing slightly. And she was brutal. She made me think about a lot of things, though. Ton telepathically gave Ausha the interview and the feelings it inspired. The questions she asked made me feel very strange. I couldn't comprehend not being with you, but I couldn't visualize us as lovers either. When she asked me what I would think about marrying you though, everything changed, and I began understanding my feelings.

Ton gently ran his fingers over her face and into her hair. She was so warm and beautiful, like a garden of creamy white roses framed by a sunrise, and he couldn't stop touching her. I've always been attracted to you, Ausha, from the second I first saw you. I couldn't think of you in any kind of physical way because you were too extraordinary. I didn't want to taint you, and I think I always wanted more from you than an affair. I still can't think of you as a mere lover, but as my wife--that's different. All day, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop wondering if you could ever be attracted to me in that way. I was confused about a lot of things, and I thought it would be better if I didn't think about marriage at all, considering my situation, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't plan to hold your hand; it just happened.

Ausha assimilated it all, more amazed than ever. You sweet, devoted man. How can I be anything but insane about you?

Ton looked at her strangely. Sweet?

Ausha smiled at him in understanding. Yes, sweet. But I promise I won't tell anyone. She caressed his cheek. When we first met, I was flattered that you found me attractive. And I did turn down engagements because I wanted to be with you instead of someone else.

Ausha's confession overjoyed Ton. Really?

Ausha nodded. I've never liked being with anyone the way I like being with you, and there's never been anyone who's understood me so well or who's been so willing to let me be me. I really do need you, Ton.

They kissed lovingly several times, and Ton communicated, I want to marry you, Ausha. I don't mean this as a proposal, but is there any chance you would consider it? I'll have to live on Novaun for the rest of my life, if I live, and I want to wait a few years to have children, and when I do feel ready, we won't be able to have as many as other Novaunian couples do. I want--

Ton suddenly frowned, realization searing through him and overwhelming him with depression. He tried to push Ausha off of his lap, but her arms tightened around him in alarm. I'm not going anywhere, Dr. Luciani, not until you tell me what's wrong.

Ton couldn't look at her. Our getting married, that's what's wrong. I can never be the man you want and need.

I don't understand, Ton. You're my best friend. I've needed you and wanted to be with you most of the time I've known you. How can you think that?

Ton wasn't consoled. Friendship and marriage are two completely different things. He shrugged and shook his head. I'm sorry I even brought it up.

Ton gripped Ausha's arms and pushed her off of his lap, leaving her standing in front of him in bewilderment.

I'm not sorry you brought it up, Ausha communicated in determination. I'm not sorry at all. I love you. I want to be with you. I like the idea of marrying you and I want to discuss it.

Ton finally looked at her, feeling miserable. All right. We'll discuss it. If you marry me, you'll never get to live near your family. For your safety and for mine, Colonel Quautar probably won't even let you visit Dinevlea.

Ausha didn't for one second move her eyes away from Ton's. Point one. I would have to live on Novaun, away from my family. I've lived away from Dinevlea for nearly three years. Most of the men I've met in the last three years haven't been from Dinevlea. I knew when I left Dinevlea that the possibility was very great that I would fall in love with someone who was not from Dinevlea and who would never want to live there. I'm a realist and I'm very flexible. I would like to live near my family if it's possible, but I can't comprehend making that a major issue in who I decide to marry, not when I've lived very happily away from my family for three years.

You'll never be able to work with your father and Faurney, Ton countered.

My father doesn't direct the only clinic of neuromedicine in this Union. Now for point two. For my safety and yours, Colonel Quautar would probably not let me visit Dinevlea. Double-crossing Sanel King has put you in a very complicated situation. I understand that and have, to a degree, for a long time. I didn't know the details, but I knew you were terrified of the Earthons, and I knew that your fear was justified. That knowledge didn't change anything then, and it doesn't change anything now. I wanted to be with you then, and I want to be with you now. If we do decide to get married and I can't visit my family, my family can visit us here. I only see them about once a year anyway.

Ton dared her with his eyes. We'll never be able to do the dijauntu.

That was a blow. Ausha couldn't help but be disturbed. Ton knew that dijauntu was an important element in Novaunian marriages and that he might as well have told her they would never be able to have sex. She looked away from him, unable to reply.

Ton communicated slowly, It's very strange. You know everything about me, and yet I can't give you my mind in that way. When we were at the Pavilion, sitting there together and feeling each other's excitement, I wanted to do dijauntu with you as much as I wanted to make love to you. But I realize now that it could never happen. There's been a lot of ugliness in my life, ugliness I don't want in any way to be a part of our relationship or a part of you.

Ton, I don't care about what you've done, I care about what you are.

Ausha, if we do dijauntu, you're going to learn every detail about the things I've done. You know a lot, but believe me, what you know is only a tiny bit.

Ausha shook her head adamantly. I can't believe it, Ton. I can't believe that there isn't any way you can't put all of those things behind you for good. There has to be a way. I just can't believe that anyone is doomed to remember his sins forever, not when he's tried so hard to change. It goes against the whole principle of repentance.

Ton gazed at Ausha wistfully. For so long he had wanted to know what made the Novaunians so determined to live pure lives, and now he knew. It was the religious dedication coupled with telepathy, the dijauntu in particular. Ton wasn't sure whether their desire to have a telepathic culture inspired them to commit themselves more completely to God or whether their ability to commit themselves to God and live pure lives enabled them to be so successful with telepathy. He did know that they couldn't get away with vice and hypocrisy if they wanted to keep their telepathic culture. He, Paul, and Jacquae had laughed at Teren on the Sovereign when he had explained it, and Teren had been right all along.

Maybe this is one thing I understand better than you do. There are things in this life that you can't fix, no matter how much you want to. My treason is a perfect example. I did what I did, and I have to live with it. I can regret what I did, I can wish it never happened, or I can repent, whatever. But I can't change the fact that King has sent assassins after me. I can't change the fact that I will be in a certain amount of danger for the rest of my life. I can't change the fact that I can never go back to Earth, that I can never leave this planet unless I want to live under a new identity.

By the same token, I can't change the fact that I've done a lot of vulgar things in my life. There are certain things I don't want to forget because I don't want to repeat mistakes I and people I've known have made, but there are things I want to forget and can't. I've changed the way I live, and I've changed my desires, and I've buried those memories deep in my mind in places I don't ever go, but they're too powerful. Sometimes they just burst into my head again without warning. It just wasn't that long ago when that was my life.

Ausha shifted her weight from one leg to the other and back again, nervously scratching at her dress and twisting strands of her hair, her eyes aglow with desperation. Maybe you can communicate with someone who's been married awhile, your counselor or Colonel Quautar. Perhaps there's a way to subdue those memories so that they won't matter.

Ton watched Ausha in surprise. You want to marry me as much as I want to marry you, don't you.

Ausha knelt down at Ton's knees and cupped Ton's hands around her face, gently kissing the insides of his wrists. She nodded. I don't want to rush into anything, and I think it would be better if we waited a week or two to make a final decision, but right now, this minute, despite everything, I want very much to marry you.

Ausha's immediate positive response confused Ton. How can you know so quickly it's what you want?

How can you?

We've been together a long time. I know you.

And I know you.

Ton shook his head. You didn't really know me until tonight.

That's not true. I didn't know all of the details of your situation, but I knew you. The only new thing I've learned about you tonight is that you feel devotion to me at a level I had never imagined. It's that kind of feeling that makes me willing to accept such an unusual situation.

Ton's hands moved from Ausha's face to her arms and pulled her back into his lap. I'll do everything in my power to make myself able to do dijauntu with you. That's all I can promise.

Ausha wrapped her arms around Ton and embraced him tightly. And that's enough.

Even if it takes years?

Even if it takes forever.

Chapter 10: DECISION

Ton and Ausha remained at Trasyna Point a little longer, then took a taxi back to the clinic to get Ton's car. Ton took Ausha home, but instead of going back to his apartment, he went to Colonel Quautar's house. No one in the family was home. It was still early, so Ton sat down on the front porch and waited.

Sharad and Nelena and the younger children arrived forty-five minutes later and invited Ton to come in with them. The children ran off to play while Sharad, Nelena, Ton, and Jaun communicated for a while and had tea. Sharauna came in with a friend, and Nelena went to put the children to bed. Sharad motioned Ton to the deck.

Ton came directly to the point. I want to marry Ausha.

Sharad smiled. I'm glad. I think you two will be happy together. Have you discussed it with her yet?

Ton nodded. But there's a problem.

The dijauntu, Sharad communicated in understanding.

Ton leaned over the rail and watched the waves crash on the beach below. A part of me wants to do dijauntu with her, but I can't. You know better than anyone why. He noticed Colonel Avenaunta and his wife walking arm-in-arm in the surf. You blocked the spirit dimension formula from my mind. Can you block the memories too?

Sharad leaned forward on the rail next to Ton. No. The mind block only works on short-term memory and only on certain types of information. We can't block an experience you've had--something that has become a part of you--even if it happened yesterday. He waved to the Avenauntas, and they waved back.

What am I going to do? Ton asked in despair.

What you're doing now. Continue to purify your life.

Will there ever come a time when those memories won't matter?

Perhaps, but only if you want it badly enough. The memories will always be there, but you can diminish them by burying them deep in your mind and never letting them out.

That's impossible.

Impossible now, but not later, not if you work very hard to live cleanly and to keep those details of your past life out of your conscious mind. I suggest that you have formal training in telepathy. You'll learn mind control techniques that will help you. When the time comes that the person you were a year ago is a complete stranger to you and you've gone years without any of those vulgar thoughts coming into your mind, then you may be safe trying the Awareness joining with Ausha. It may take many more years before you will feel comfortable giving her what you can of your mind in a dijauntu union.

Years? Ton had told Ausha it might take years, but having Sharad affirm it so explicitly was torture.

Many, many years. As it is, you're going to have to be extremely careful in what you tell her and in what you do. There's no reason she needs to ever know any details of your intimacies with other women. Along with that, you're going to have to be very careful in your lovemaking not to do anything that would offend her. This is critical, because there may be things that, because of your upbringing and experience, may seem perfectly natural to you but that would seem perverse to her.

Ton turned toward Sharad, bewildered. What can and can't we do?

Lust, manipulation, and depravity are just as wrong after marriage as before. You should certainly enjoy each other, but respect is paramount.

Ton shook his head in frustration. I'm not going to know what to do.

That's nonsense. Just show Ausha the same gentleness and respect you've always shown her and you'll be fine.

Ton watched Nelena walk back into the living room. There's something I don't understand. How can anyone have the complete purity of mind necessary to do the dijauntu? You haven't done anything immoral, but you've traveled the galaxy. You've been exposed to ugliness. How do you keep those images from interfering with the relationship you have with your wife? Ton couldn't help but think of his recent encounter with Miaundea. And what if she sees a man she thinks is attractive? She wouldn't be able to keep that from you. Wouldn't it make you crazy?

There are certain things in your spouse you learn to ignore, and there are certain things in yourself you work hard to put out of your mind. Achieving purity of mind is difficult under any circumstances, but believe me, the ecstasy of the dijauntu makes it worth the effort. Have you and Ausha made a definite decision yet?

No, although it's what we both want as of today. Things happened too fast, and we want to be sure. We aren't telling anyone yet. Ton hesitated. You don't think it's wrong for us to get married if we can't do the dijauntu?

Of course not. Your marriage will be fine without it. You certainly wouldn't be the first Novaunian couple to have a marriage that doesn't include the dijauntu.

I thought all Novaunian marriages included dijauntu.

First marriages nearly always do, but second marriages never do. Even without the dijauntu, people who lose their spouses and marry again have very successful marriages.

I'd never thought of that.

Immediately after you become formally betrothed, there are things I want to discuss with her about your situation. She does know about your problem with King, doesn't she?

Ton nodded. She knows everything.

Have you thought at all about a date for the wedding?

Not really. Ausha's parents are coming to Novaun in four weeks, so it makes sense to get married then. Is it possible to have it done that soon? From a legal point of view, that is.

It's more than possible, and I would advise it. You're together a great deal of the time, neither one of you have family here, you live alone, and in four weeks she will be living alone. It would be too easy for you to get into a compromising situation.

What a strange thing to have to worry about!

And if you do choose to wait, I'm going to have to insist you get a roommate--of my choosing.

You mean a chaperon. Ton wasn't offended; he just couldn't comprehend it.

Sharad straightened and turned to face the house, grinning. You're very perceptive.

You don't trust me.

To put it bluntly--no.

Now Ton was offended. Why don't I just move in with you?

If you would prefer.

Ton scowled and shook his head. I don't need a chaperon.

Seriously Ton, I know your intentions are pure, but old habits are hard to break. I'm responsible for you, and I have a certain obligation to Ausha and her family. To be honest, I wouldn't trust any of my own children in a situation like this.

I can't decide whether you Novaunians are tyrannical or just plain paranoid!

We just know when to be careful. Sharad began moving toward the French doors. Do you feel ready?

Oddly enough, I do. Ausha and I are practically married already. Ton briefly told Sharad about his session with Counselor Brunel that morning and how it had led to his discussion with Ausha about marriage. Sharad assimilated it all in interest and affection.

As the days passed, Ton didn't change his mind about wanting to marry Ausha, and in their moments alone, Ausha was as passionate as she had been the evening they had first declared their love. They didn't, however, demonstrate their feelings when they were with others, and except for Ton's conversation with Sharad, neither one of them revealed their new status to anyone.

Fifth Day evening a week and a half later, after a grueling weekend in the emergency room and the three lethargic days that always followed, Ton and Ausha made it to the Pavilion for dinner, awake and halfway energetic. Everyone at their table was discussing the festivities for the upcoming Day of Ancestors, in particular the Coalition dance that would be held two evenings before the holiday.

You ought to ask someone to the dance, Danal, Ausha suggested, caressing Ton's hand under the table.

Danal lifted his fork to his mouth, appearing uncomfortable. I don't think so.

Ton squeezed Ausha's hand knowingly. Sharauna Quautar's quite pretty. Why don't you ask her?

Danal set his fork down in surprise. Sharauna? Isn't she a little young?

She's eighteen, Ton answered.

That's what I thought, Danal communicated in disappointment.

What's the problem? She's of age.

But she's still so young!

So? Do you like her or not?

Danal stared at his plate. Do you think she would go with me?

Do you think I would have suggested her if I didn't think she would go with you?

Danal lifted his eyes and smiled. No.

Then ask her. Personally, I think she likes you.

Do you really?

Ton nodded.

Get some confidence, Danal! blurted Launi, a primary physician who worked in the overnight clinic. If you like this girl, ask her to the dance.

Tauna nodded. Ask her.

Ausha's eyes flickered mysteriously. You have to ask someone, Danal. Ton and I are going together this time.

Ecstasy gripped Ton. Ausha's public acknowledgement of their relationship could mean only one thing--she was ready to start planning their wedding.

So? You and Ton always go together.

No Danal, you don't understand. Ausha pressed closer to Ton and draped her arm across his shoulders, kissing his cheek. Ton and I are going together.

Then to Ton privately she communicated, I haven't changed my mind.

Neither have I.

Shall we tell them?

Not yet. I want to announce it in a special way.

They kissed gently, much to everyone's delight, then both turned and stared at Danal in amusement. Are you comprehending yet, Danal? Ton asked.

Danal grinned. What's she going to be, Ton, your wife or your mistress?

Actually, Ausha communicated provocatively, I'm his love slave.

Ton felt a rush of anticipation. He wondered if Ausha knew how she was torturing him and decided she knew good and well what she was doing.

Bryaun smacked Danal in the arm. Can you believe it? Ausha's finally going out with someone decent! Everyone laughed, Ausha most of all.

Once Ton and Ausha left the restaurant, Ausha communicated, I need to tell my parents.

Ton felt uneasy. Do you think they'll approve?

Honestly? I have no idea.

Ausha's reply troubled Ton. So you think there's a possibility they won't.

I'm sure they'll be uncomfortable about certain things--they're only human. Whatever their opinion, though, I'm certain they'll support it. If I were eighteen and we'd met only a month or two ago, things would be different.

They drove to their neighborhood in communication silence. Ton parked his car, then communicated, I'll go get Anenka and meet you at the park.

Don't worry, Ausha assured. They slid out of the car and went to their separate apartments.

Ton waited at the park for forty-five minutes before Ausha arrived. Ton stood up to meet her, and they held each other and kissed as Anenka barked at their feet. They withdrew, laughing. Ausha knelt down next to Anenka and hugged her. Poor Anenka isn't sure she wants to share. She scratched Anenka behind the ear. I'm sorry you can't have all of him anymore, but what can I do? I love him as much as you do.

Ausha released Anenka and sat down on the marble bench with Ton, and Anenka ran off to chase birds. Ton looked at her questioningly. So?

They're anxious to meet you.

Is that good or bad?

You are so paranoid!

How can I not be paranoid? I've never dealt with a woman's parents before. The closest I ever came to that was Colonel Quautar, and he told me that he would escort me back to the Sovereign of the Stars personally if Miaundea so much as looked at me in any kind of intimate way.

You weren't trying to marry Miaundea.

And your parents never dreamed you would one day tell them that you wanted to marry an Earthon, an Earthon whose life is in so much danger that he can never leave Novaun.

Actually, I don't think they were all that surprised.

How could they not be surprised?

Ausha shrugged. I've known you a long time, and I've told them a lot about you. They weren't surprised, but they weren't expecting it either. I didn't tell them about your problem with King, but I did tell them that you're in danger from the Earthons and that you can never go to Dinevlea. They're disappointed and a little uncomfortable, but they accept it. They insist we get married when they come to Novaun in three weeks.

They insist?

Ausha smiled. They told me that if we aren't married by the time they're scheduled to leave Novaun, Mother will remain here as my chaperone!

This chaperone business was just too much. You're serious, aren't you?

Yes I am. I assured them we would get married while they're here.

They don't trust me, do they. As much as Sharad's lack of trust irritated Ton, he understood. The Ferudants had no reason not to trust him, and it hurt.

You don't understand. I'm the one they don't trust.

How can they not trust you?

They do trust me, under normal circumstances. But living alone without any family on the planet and working very closely with the man to whom I'm betrothed is anything but a normal circumstance. They're right, you know. It would be foolish to put it off, and I don't want to anyway.

Ton kissed her temple. Neither do I. He pulled Ausha into his lap.

She threw her arms around him and squeezed. I just can't believe it! It's all too wonderful to be true!

Ton rested his cheek against hers. Is three weeks enough time to plan the kind of wedding you want?

Yes, I think so. All we need to do really is have our physical exams, schedule our interviews, reserve the house of worship, find someone to marry us, invite all of our friends, and make an appointment with a judge for the contract negotiation.

Won't your grandfather marry us?

He could, but it's the tarnen of the groom's family who traditionally performs the ceremony. Since you don't have a family or an official tarnen, you can choose anyone you'd like.

You wouldn't mind if I chose someone other than your grandfather?

Of course not. It's your right.

Dr. Hovaus is a tarnen, isn't he?

Ausha withdrew a little, her eyes charged with excitement. Ton, that's a wonderful idea! Let's ask him!

But what about the party after the wedding? And your dress? We won't have time to plan anything extravagant.

I never wanted to have a formal celebration. I want it to be casual and friendly. Why don't we have it at the Pavilion?

The Pavilion? That would be casual. You really want to have it there?

Sure. The food is excellent and there's always a lot of it. Nearly everyone we know has dinner there at least once in a while, and those who won't be able to come to the wedding can stop by after work. We'll have a buffet, and everyone who comes that night will eat for free. It would be fun and exceptionally easy. We wouldn't have to do anything but arrange for the buffet and show up.

Ton nodded. I like that idea. It would be fun.

What should I wear?

You don't know what you want to wear?

You're the wardrobe consultant!

What do Novaunian brides wear?

Ausha wrinkled her nose. Silks and satins and lace, and lots of colorful gems. I don't think a beach dress with exotic accessories will be appropriate.

Ton thoughtfully stroked the nape of her neck. No, but we could take one of your swimsuit dresses to a dressmaker and have a new one made from the design out of a glazed fabric. Instead of gems, you could wear flowers.

Flowers! Ton, that will be perfect! But my mother will die. They kissed again, blissfully.

Part 2: END OF EXILE

Chapter 11: A CERTIFIED NOVAUNIAN

Ton spent the next morning with Colonel Quautar and a judge completing the proceedings to make him a Novaunian citizen and to establish a family organization in his name. Ton did not hesitate to reject the option to legally change his name. He had been born Ton Luciani and would remain Ton Luciani until he died. To reject his name would be to reject his heritage, and that he couldn't do.

Ton left the judge's office a Novaunian citizen. To celebrate, he went shopping for rings. Novaunians didn't wear wedding rings, but Ton didn't think he would feel completely married without them. He found a wide gold band embellished with tiny diamonds for himself and a gold diamond ring for Ausha that he would give to her on First Day after Devotional when they announced their betrothal.

When First Day arrived three days later, Ton went to Devotional with his friends, nervous and excited to take the Covenant. He had disdained the concept of religion for so long that the thought of committing to a religion still seemed strange to him, but he sincerely wanted it and felt he was ready.

Ton had invited all of his friends to be with him as he took the Covenant. All of the Quautars were there, along with Dr. Hovaus and his wife, Counselor Brunel and her husband, Teren and Deia, all of Teren's sisters and their families, many co-workers, and friends from the Pavilion and Coalition. Extra chairs were brought in to accommodate the many there who were not a part of Ton's congregation.

Devotional began with a hymn and a prayer. Then Raul Blorsten called Ton up to the pulpit and put his arm around him. Ton has been with us for six and a half months, and during that time, I've watched him as he's gradually become more comfortable with us and our way of worship. He's worked very hard to get to the point he's at today, and I know that all of you admire him as much as I do. Taurnel Sharad Quautar will perform the ordinance. President Blorsten patted Ton's shoulder slightly, then left the pulpit to take his seat.

Ton stepped down and met Sharad at the gold ordinance mat that was lying on the floor in front of the podium. Sharad dipped one of his forefingers into a standing vessel of nuayem oil, touched it to the forefinger of his other hand, then knelt down with Ton on the mat facing him. Sharad placed his fingers on Ton's temples and Ton placed his hands on Sharad's wrists. They overlapped spirits partially, and Sharad reached out in spirit to Ausha, the first person in the front row, and she reached out to Bryaun, who was sitting next to her. One by one, everyone in the congregation joined the telepathic chain until the circle came to its completion at Ton.

The combined concern and affection Ton felt from all present was overwhelming. The telepathic chain symbolized the eternal family of God, and Ton truly felt a part of that family. Sharad communicated, Ton Marc Luciani, by authority of God, I put you under covenant to obey God and pronounce you clean of sin.

Joy washed over Ton, and he felt pure and relieved of all guilt for the things he had done wrong. Ton waited for the second part of the prayer, the prophecy, in anticipation. He had wanted so long for Sharad to give him specific prophecy concerning his life, and now the time had finally come.

God is pleased with you and the changes you have made in your life. Know that you are His son and that He loves you more than you can comprehend.

The prayer images penetrated Ton's heart with force, and God's love submerged him, brimming into the telepathic chain, and Ton truly felt as if he were the son of a glorious Eternal King. Ton's friends rejoiced with him, the love swelling their spirits and making the telepathic chain so vibrant it was almost touchable.

He is always near, Sharad continued, and He desires to help you in everything you do. Be humble, full of love, and pray always, and He will carry you through the black mazes of your life. Sharad paused, as if waiting for something. Finally he concluded, Amen. Sharad removed his hands from Ton's temples, and the telepathic chain dissolved.

The intense love lingered in Ton's heart, so much so that he couldn't be disappointed that the prayer had not contained the specific prophecy for which he had hoped. As they stood up, Sharad rested his hand on Ton's back and communicated soberly, as if in answer to his thoughts, I was hoping for some additional insight also, but that was all God wanted to tell you right now.

Ton nodded slowly. I know. He turned and gazed at Ausha lovingly, and she smiled. Ton and Sharad resumed their seats in the congregation, and President Blorsten again came to the pulpit. Ton, would you come back up here and express a few of your thoughts?

Ton hadn't expected this. What could he communicate?

President Blorsten motioned Ton back up to the pulpit. Ton hesitated. President Blorsten explained to the congregation, Ton didn't know I was going to do this. Then to Ton he communicated, Just tell us what you're feeling. It doesn't need to take more than a minute.

Ton arose and walked tentatively to the pulpit as President Blorsten went back to his seat. Ton stood there for a moment, pondering. The faces of his friends were all beaming, and he suddenly knew what he wanted to tell them. He began slowly, I feel . . . overwhelmed. I want all of you to know how much I value your friendship. There are so many of you I love and admire. I especially want to thank . . . The emotion he felt was so intense he could hardly continue. His throat burned. I want to thank Ausha Ferudant for helping me see who I really am and Sharad Quautar . . . for helping me understand what it means to be a father.

Ton stood there for many moments, communicating nothing. Finally he continued, I know the Eternal Father is real, and I'm grateful to all of you for giving me the freedom to change.

After Devotional, Ausha and her roommate held a lunch at their apartment in Ton's honor. Miaundea and her family were among the select friends who had been invited.

Miaundea found Ton alone for a moment while Ausha set out the food. Congratulations, Ton. I'm very happy for you.

I'm glad you could come, Miaundea, Ton communicated earnestly.

I'm flattered that you would include me in your invitation to my family.

I just knew you wouldn't believe it unless you saw it.

The thought of his being a member of the Order had been incomprehensible, but Miaundea had seen him take the Covenant and had felt his conviction; she had no choice but to believe it. I do not doubt your sincerity, Ton. I don't want to offend you, but it still seems strange. It's going to take me awhile to get used to it.

You and me both, Ton communicated good-naturedly.

You and Ausha have become awfully cozy. I remember your telling me once that she wasn't even an "amorous aspiration."

Ausha's too extraordinary to ever be a mere amorous aspiration, Ton communicated with a smile, turning to walk to the kitchen bar and Ausha.

Miaundea wasn't sure whether or not she should be insulted. She watched Ton slip his arms around Ausha from behind and kiss her neck, feeling irritated and yearning for Braysel.

Ausha's roommate stepped out from behind the bar. We're glad you could all be with us today. Everyone immediately stopped communicating, and Ton and Ausha kissed, then walked out from behind the bar with arms around each other. Since Ton's the guest of honor, we'd like him to ask someone to give the prayer, then he can be the first in line for lunch.

Everyone looked at Ton and waited. Ton smiled radiantly. I'm not ready to eat quite yet. He gazed down at Ausha, his arm tightening around her. I have a present for Ausha.

He brought a small, velvet-covered box out of a pocket in his suit jacket, and she accepted it in surprise and delight. Miaundea heard Deia gasp in excitement.

Ausha released Ton and opened the box, carefully removing a diamond ring. She gazed at it for several moments, her face soft with awe. It's beautiful, Ton.

Ton took the ring from her and slid it on the proper finger. It's an engagement ring. It's what an Earthon man gives the woman he loves when they become betrothed.

Ausha threw her arms around Ton and kissed him. All of their friends whistled and cheered. Bryaun Traus pounded his fist against his chest and said loudly, "Well give me a cardiac arrest! The man who swore he would never in eternity get married is planning to marry the woman he once claimed was as exciting as a crushed frontal lobe!" Everyone laughed, especially Ton and Ausha.

He can't help himself, Ausha communicated, smiling. I seduced him. Then she looked at Ton again, holding up the hand with the diamond ring on it. I love it, Ton, but what am I supposed to do with it in surgery?

Ton grinned and reached into his jacket pocket again, pulling out a feminine gold chain. See? I can be as practical as you.

Ausha took the chain out of his hand and laughed, hugging him tightly. A moment later, she withdrew and fastened the chain. You're all invited to the wedding. It's two weeks from Sixth Day at the seventeenth hour, here in Shalaun at our house of worship. Afterward we're having a party at the Pavilion, so you don't need to dress up too much.

So soon? Ausha's roommate communicated in shock.

Here in Shalaun? another friend communicated, in equal surprise.

Kevan nodded in satisfaction. That's the way to do it. Quick and simple.

Miaundea couldn't believe it. Ton was going to marry Ausha in two and a half weeks. In the three weeks that had passed since she had seen Ton, she had thought she had grown accustomed to the idea of his being involved with Ausha, but this was too much. She felt queasy with humiliation.

Ausha nodded solemnly at her friends. It isn't safe for Ton to go to Dinevlea, so we're getting married the week my parents come to Novaun.

Bryaun scrutinized Ausha. This means you won't be working for your father.

No.

Does he know yet?

Yes, he does.

Where are you going to live? Danal asked, changing the subject in that diplomatic way he had.

My apartment, Ton answered.

It's bigger, Ausha added, looking at Danal gratefully, and it has a better view. Now let's eat!

Ton and Ausha spent the rest of the week making further preparations for their wedding and for the Day of Ancestors. The week was filled with parties, plays, parades, and festivities in anticipation of Novaun's most celebrated holiday. Creation Day had been lavish with its presents, parties, and flower statues all over the city, but it had been nothing compared to this. The walks of Shalaun were ablaze with colored lights, sparkling decorations, and historical paraphernalia, and they were ringing with bells and music. Publicly, the Novaunians celebrated the calling of the original twelve high patriarchs of the Great Houses. Privately, they celebrated their own ancestors by telling stories out of the past, presenting plays and concerts in their families, and dressing in costume.

Fifth Day evening Ton and Ausha went to the Day of Ancestors dance held by the Coalition, and to the surprise of everyone, Danal took Sharauna Quautar. Sixth Day night, the eve of the holiday, Shalaun was filled with costumed celebrators singing and dancing on the walks until dawn.

Ton's friends celebrated in the city with everyone else, but Colonel Quautar had forbidden Ton to go anywhere near the celebration, feeling it would be unsafe. Only Ausha remained with Ton that night. They and Kevan and Alysia went in costume to Teren and Deia's to play games and watch the fireworks from the backyard.

Deia and Alysia both dressed as their mothers; Paul dressed as his father; Kevan dressed as an ancient Tavonean ancestor; Teren dressed as a great, great grandfather who had been a colonel; Ausha dressed in the colony garb of her Novaunian foremother who had been one of the first Dinevlean settlers; and Ton dressed up as Antonio Vaccaro, wearing a high-collared black suit and a large, ornate, ruby-studded crucifix on a thick gold chain around his neck.

When Ton and Ausha arrived at Teren and Deia's home, Paul met them at the door. Ton and Paul greeted each other with enthusiastic slaps on the arms.

"You son of Abomination!" Paul exclaimed. "You, of all people, getting married!" Paul glanced knowingly at Ausha. You must be some kind of extraordinary lady, getting this son of Abomination to marry you. How in the universe did you accomplish this miracle?

Ton accomplished his own miracle, Ausha communicated solemnly.

Paul nodded that he understood and smiled at Ton in admiration.

What are you doing here? Ton asked. Aren't you supposed to be in Menaura celebrating the Great House Doshyr?

Paul grunted. That's precisely why I'm here.

Ton and Ausha left Teren and Deia's late that night and went to their apartments and slept until noon Seventh Day, then spent the remainder of the Day of Ancestors at the Quautars', feasting, laughing, and playing more games. The only member of the family who did not show up for any of the festivities was Miaundea. Ton learned later in the day that she was spending the holiday with one of her roommates on the planet Systrina.

That evening the family gathered in the living room. Members of the family told stories and performed skits, and eventually, Ton and Danal and Ausha were asked to tell about their ancestors. Ton told Antonio Vaccaro's story.

Following Ton's presentation, Nelena handed Ton a package wrapped in shiny gold paper. Ton took the gift, looking at her in puzzlement. I don't understand.

Sharauna couldn't suppress her excitement. You will. Open it!

Ton tore the paper off the box, removed its lid, and lifted out a shimmering green tapestry with tiny onyx beads embroidering the words:

Part 1: A CHANGE OF HEART

Prologue: A GOLD BOX FILLED WITH DISCS

Chapter 1: A JOB OFFER

Chapter 2: A QUESTIONABLE MEMORY

Chapter 3: BOND OF HERITAGE

Chapter 4: THE ULTIMATE SON OF ABOMINATION

Chapter 5: A NEW UNDERSTANDING

Chapter 6: DISILLUSIONED

Chapter 7: DIFFERING VIEWS?

Chapter 8: DIFFICULT QUESTIONS

Chapter 9: A RATIONAL PASSION

Chapter 10: DECISION

Part 2: END OF EXILE

Chapter 11: A CERTIFIED NOVAUNIAN

Chapter 12: AN UNUSUAL TRIBUTE

Chapter 13: A NEW FAMILY